Love Always, Bella
by Aprilsummer
Summary: Everyone knows how Bellatrix ended, but where did she begin? This is the diary of Bella Black and her affairs of love and affairs of hate. Lies, pranks,& mayhem. And what IS the Death Eater Youth? Dark magic seems so full of light... marauder era.
1. Chapter 1

_"You dont need hope anymore" the dark lord's eyes were a cold shade of red, but glowing so alive, "Hope needs you."_

and with that, the pale flesh of my right arm burned, branded, and upon its scathed surface appeared the dark mark. I stared at it, my eyes burning with the lingering pain, and my lips curling into a subtle, though elated smile. I was a Death Eater. I had been contemplating what that meant for months, years even. To eat death is to over power it, to devour it, to garner nourishment from the ending of life. Loss of life would be the fuel my body would thrive on, from which I drew my strength and my happiness. One must eat to remain alive. I would eat death to live.

It was what I wanted.

I feel to my knees, they hit the stone floor with a little too much force, and I was sure they'd be bruised in the morning. But what did that matter? I was not even sure where I would be when the sun rised again. And I was certain it would never rise the same. Once kneeling before him, I pressed my lips to the hem of his robe and slowly cralwed away, backwards, careful not to stumble over my own long black robes.

I reclaimed my place in the circle, and watched my master, looking unusually benevolent as he regarded us through his scarlet eyes.

"My newest recruits, I welcome you. You are one of the first five groups to join my ranks. Whatever your motivation, whatever factors added into your final decision, whatever path has lead you to this moment, I ask you to forget it all. Your old life is over, and your new one commences tonight. You are reborn as my Death Eaters."

He stopped speaking, and looked at our masked faces, not fooled by the thin black fabric, knowing our identiies by the small holes cut for our eyes. He need not speak out names to prove this, but only give us a peircing glance. My body was shaking, but I tried to steady it. I was not sure why I was unable to stand completely still. It was not the eerie cold of the dungeon in the Malfoy Manor that made me shake, but the excitement coarsing through my veins with the same speed and purpose as the blood it shared its company with.

"My three newest members, please step forward" The Dark Lord's demanded softly. I, and my two companions, stepped away from the circle, one step nearer to where he stood in the center. He opened his thin, nearly white lips, and spoke again, "I have a mission for you three tonight. It will require an absence of mercy and an abundance of ambition. Are you prepared to show your allegiance to your new master?"

"Yes, my lord" we spoke in unison.

"Very well, then listen closely to my instructions..."

**_TEN YEARS EARLIER_**

August 31st

Dear Diary,

My name is Bellatrix Black. And tomorrow I leave home for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. Mum says for the first time I'll be seeing the flaws in the Wizarding World. Apparently, she says, the headmaster allows in muggle-borns. mudbloods. and blood traitors. the poor. the weak. the friendless. the talentless. the ignoble.

but she also says I'll be sorted into Slytherin, and its the most cleansed of the four houses, of the filth that she promises will be lining the hallways.

so I asked her, in the inquisitive voice of a niave child she informed me, "How can I distinguish the mudbloods from the purebloods? Are they easily identifiable?"

"No, Bella." she looked torn between amusement and disdain, "They walk freely and unobtrusivley among us."

"Does that mean I may have even met a mudblood before?" I asked, slightly aghast at the notion.

"No Bella." she answered again, her amused expression giving way to one that portrayed impatience, "I've made sure you've been exposed to only the sons and daughters of noble and pure wizarding families."

"Why is the headmaster so foolish?" I asked, suddenly confused as to why anyone would allow such people to mix among people like myself if they knew what my family knew.

"Maybe you should ask him when you arrive." My mother smirked, and left me alone with my thoughts.

I plan to ask him. I want to see if I am missing an important peice of the puzzle, for the picture I see now is punctured with empty spaces. I would ask my sisters. Andy or Cissy, but they are only 10 and 8, so they know nothing about anything yet.

I'll write tomorrow, about my first day. For now, the sky is dark and sparkling with stars. I think I'd like to make a wish and get some sleep.

Love,

Bella.

PS: My wish is that I become a Slytherin tomorrow. But dont tell anyone, or it may not come true. I did not know whether I could intrust that knowledge into you, but the saying goes "Do not tell anyone your wish" but you are not a person. You are an object. So I can tell you anything. And I shall.

September 1st

Dear Diary,

Today was a day filled with so many new sites and faces, I can barely contain all the memories inside myself. So I am here to pour some of them into you by the light of my wand under the covers of my bed while my new roommates sleep peacefully. Do they not understand the signficance of today? Our lives have just begun and all they can do is dream? I do not understand.

there are a vast many things I do not understand about today.

I stared at people at platform 9 and 3/4, trying to see if there were any telling signs about the purity of there blood. I am no fool, I know we cannot see each others blood, and I know even if we could, its not as if there would actually be flecks of mud in the veins of muggle-borns, but I was curious to meet one, and didnt know how to find one. I couldnt simply ask if their parents were a witch and a wizard, could I? I felt as if that would be a bit too rude, even for me.

But then I decided, why not?

I found a train compartment and setteled there, waiting for someone to join me. A boy about my age slide open the door and sat down, looking nervously at me as if waiting for approval or dismissal.

"What's your name?" I asked him, curiously

"Amos Diggory." He replied in the high pitched voice of an 11 year old boy.

"Are you muggle-born?" I inquired, tilting my head to the side while waiting for his answer

"No." He furrowed his brow, "why?"

"Have you ever met one?"

"No, why?"

"Me either." I paused to think, "Are they like us?"

"They can do magic, so yes." he answered, looking uncomfortable until the train compartment opened again to reveal a familiar face.

"Lucius!" I exclaimed, delighted. He was a second year slytherin with a pointed chin, gray eyes and white blonde hair that fell softly around his sharp features, "Join us, wont you?"

"I'll bring a couple others with me, if you dont mind." he said curtly and motioned for two other second year boys to squeeze into our now full train compartment. When the door shut, an uneasy silence fell over us for a moment before Lucius resumed speaking, "I was pleased when I visited your manor last week and was reminded you would be attending Hogwarts with us this year, Bella. I can only hope you'll be in the Slytherin house like your parents, and myself of course, and Roddy Lestrange, to my left, as well as Gregory Goyle to my right."

"Slytherin?" Amos looked apprehensive, "Dark wizards come from Slytherin."

"Great wizards come from Slytherin, daft boy." Lucius retorted cooly, "Where do you think you'll end up?"

"Ravenclaw." Amos replied haughtily, "Just like my parents. They work at the Ministry, you know."

"Cheers." Lucius replied without cheer, then added to Lestrange and Goyle, "Imagine being in Hufflepuff? I think I'd leave, wouldnt you?"

His friends chorteled, and I offered him a midly amused smile. The train ride lasted hours. Amos didn't talk very much. He seemed put off by our reverence for Slytherin, and we were disinterested in an aspiring Ravenclaw.

The first years were seperated from the rest of students once the train slowed to a stop at the Hogsmead station. It was thankfully a calm night, for we sailed across a black lake on boats to the castle! On boats! The lakes surface was mirror black. I could see my smooth white skin reflected in its dark waters, and the vauge outline of my eyes and lips, and my long dark hair that swirled around me in the slight breeze.

The sorting seemed to create anxiety in most of the students waiting before the hat, listening without really hearing as it sang its traditional song describing the four houses.

I was the fourth name, and when I heard it read off the parchment and echoeing throughout the great hall, I proudly stepped forward, walking before the long tables who watched my journey to the stool. The hat had barely fallen over my eyes before it shouted "SLYTHERIN" in a booming, deep, and resonating voice.

I sat beside Lucius at the slytherin table, which was decorated with banners of green and silver.

"Congratulations, Bella." He grinned at me, "You're the first new Slytherin of the year. I couldn't be happier that its you. We have quite the year ahead of us, dont we Slytherins?"

His question was met with quiet agreement as most of the table continued to watched the sorting. When it was over we had a feast to surmount all other feasts. And I was lead up to my new chambers with the other 5 or 6 first year Slytherin girls by a square jawed prefect. Then we exchanged named and climbed into bed. Now here I am, and once again I am forced to abandon you for sleep.

I will write again to tell you what I discover as the year unfolds.

Love,

Bella.


	2. mudbloods friend or foe?

September 15th

Dear Diary,

I have met a mudblood today! He does not like being referred to as a mudblood, however. He is a Gryffindor named Ted Tonks. He's in my charms class, and I heard him mention his dad was a muggle. Shocked and curious, I jumped into his conversation.

"Is your mom a muggle too?" I looked at him, tilting my head to the side ever so slightly.

"As a matter of fact, she is." He replied, unsure of whether or not he was about to be mocked, "Whats it to you?"

"I've never met a mudblood before, thats all." I smiled at him, in a friendly manner.

"Dont call him that!" His friend said, his voice seething with anger and surprise.

"Why not?" I was perplexed by his reaction. Was it really that offensive? Her mother always called them that, its just what they were.

"The correct term is 'muggle-born'." his friend hissed back at me.

"Okay." I shrugged, "What's the difference? They mean the same thing, do they not?"

"Using one makes you sound like a stuck up pure-blooded idiot." His friend sighed, some of his anger abaiting, "And using the other is acceptable. Have you really never met one before?"

"Nope." I replied, wondering if it was really that unusual to have never encountered a muggle born before, "Where would I have met one? All my parents friends are magical pure blood families."

"Well, we've been here for half a month." Ted chuckeled, "I can't be the first one!"

"She's in Slytherin, of course you are." His friend replied, laughing with him.

"Isn't it supposed to be a bad thing, being a muggle born?" I demanded, slightly offended by their laughter. Whenever someone laughs, I feel suddenly insecure, as though its me they're laughing at. It activates something in my brain that makes me furious, and so I continued, "My mother says they shouldnt even be allowed in school and Lucius and Lestrange agree! They say you could never be the equivilant of a pureblood, even with all the magical training in the world. They say you should live in the muggle world."

"For Merlin's sake, girl, how thick are you?" Ted's friend said harshly, "Thats the biggest load of dung I've ever heard. Go back to your prejudice, ignorant, and stupid pureblood friends and kindly inform them that they are terribly mistaken. Muggle borns and purebloods are one in the same. We're all witches and wizards. Tell your mom to shove her wand up her arse next time she goes on any more rants about muggle borns being inferior."

"Who are you anyway?" I demanded of his friend, only half listening to his lecture.

"Fabian Prewett, pleased to meet you miss muggleborn hater." He replied, his voice with a rather icy edge.

"Miss muggleborn hater?" I giggeled at him, "Normally, people call me Bellatrix."

"Normally, people dont go up to muggle borns, call them mudbloods, and inform them how their close minded friends and family view them." He retortded, smiling again.

"As far as my experience here goes," Ted smirked, "Nothing at Hogwarts goes 'Normally'."

I returned to my Slytherin roomates after that brief discussion. I shared with them Fabian's view of Ted's heritage and they laughed and explained again what my mother had been lecturing to me for years about the inferiority of muggle borns.

I remain unconvinced for either side of the arugement. I need to discuss these matters with the headmaster, for if we entrust him withn our education and he feels the need to extend it to muggle borns, there must be more to the story than my mother and slytherin friends can see.

But I dont know about us all being equals either. If we were, certainly my intelligent mother and all her friends wouldnt have such dogmatic opinions.

I am very confused.

I will write again when I have answers.

Love,

Bella

December 31st

Dear Diary,

I am home for the Christmas Holidays. Home is exactly how I remembered it. The chandelier, the wine colored carpeting, the sound of crystal glasses clinking gentle together at our christmas toast.

Cissy is the same too. She's 8 years old until March. She looks like a nymph, in my personal opinion. Pale as snow, with a sheet of hair thats more akin to silver than blonde, with wide gray eyes that match my own.

Andy's also still the same. she's 10 until June. She's got brown hair, soft and wavy. We share our eye lids, heavy and covering half our large gray eyes that seems to give us a haughty look. I enjoy the effect, I don't think Andy has noticed it yet. I only noticed it because Lucius remarked on it at the boxing day party.

The boxing day party was more lovely than christmas day, if only for the appareance of Lucius. I spent the entire evening with him. First we swapped chocolate frog cards, and then we went for a stroll around the gardens. It was there, amongst the gardens, covered with a light sprinking of fresh pure snow, I asked him if he thought that muggle borns were as bad as everyone around us seemed to think. I tried to articulate, in the same way Fabian had, that some people think they're our equals, and I tried to articulate how Ted had seemed no different from any pureblood I had ever met.

"Are you defending mudbloods?" He looked sternly at me, his gaze as cold as the air around us, "I never took you for a blood traitor, Bella."

"I'm not!" I shot back, scared and offended, "I was only repeating what was said to me, and what I observed!"

"What you were told was worthless. Lies. Propaganda spewed from the mouths of blood traitors and scum. You don't want to be scum, do you?"

"Of course not, Lucius." I scoweled at him.

"Then drop this ridiculus conversation." He said, his voice calm again and absent of its earlier coolness, "You're a pureblood, you have everything going for you. Why waste your time worrying about whether mudbloods are equals to us, when they're obvious filth? Dirty blood, raised by muggles, infecting our schools, government, and feeling as though they deserve what they have not earned."

"Thats what my mother says." I replied, still not entirely convinced.

"She's correct." He nodded to me, "As am I. Don't you agree? You're my best friend, but how could that remain if you were to betray me? and your family?"

"Of course I'm your best friend! I'm no blood traitor, Lucius. I know mudbloods arent equal to us, I was just expressing another's perspective, misguided as it was..."

"I think you would do best to NOT discuss things with Fabian and Ted anymore." Lucius sneered, "They're poisoning your mind."

"I dont talk to them..."

"Amy Nott says you spend more time with them in charms class than with her and Gregory Goyle's little sister." Lucius frowned, "I thought she was joking, until now..."

"No more conversations with them, about anything!" I promised, "They're a mudblood and a blood traitor, and I am neither. I'm your best friend, Lucius, I'm sorry to disappoint you like this... I know you must have expected more. Please, dont tell my mother..."

"I would never, as you seem to have seen the error of your ways..." Lucius trailed off, "Besides, I wouldnt want to get you into trouble, Bella. We stick together, you and me. There are so many people at Hogwarts, Slytherins even, who dont seem to understand anything. I can't even talk to them. But you... I feel like we can speak without hardly breathing a word."

"Thats because we can."

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I replied, curiousity peaking at the sound of my own name from his soft lips

"I.." He trailed off again,a nd then leaned forward, planting a soft peck on my check. I responded with the brightest smile I think I've ever shown anyone. He took my hand and we wandered around, chatting lightly together until we were too cold to stand the chill, and we retreated to the warmth of the house. Sitting by the fire in our sitting room, we watched the snow start to cascade from the sky again as the sun began to set over the mountains behind our manor.

When Lucius left I smiled for days. Now I am going to his manor tonight for a new years eve celebration. I think I would very much like to marry him when we grow up. I can imagine raising a family with him. A pureblood family. And I will never talk to Ted or Fabian again. Lucius wont hear of it, and it is his affection I crave more than filthing my hands with what he refers to as "scum"

I must go get ready for his New Years Eve Ball.

This year is going to be brillant.

Love,

Bella

June 22nd

Dear Diary,

I turned 12 years old today. Lucius gave me the most lovely present. Its a book called "Toujours Pur", which is apparently where my parents got our family motto from. Its all about the benefits and rights of purebloods. He enclosed a note along with the book, I've read the note 12 times and already, but have yet to start the book. I'm too distracted with my happiness.

this is what the note says

"Bella,

Happy wishes on your 12th birthday! You and I have another wonderful year at Hogwarts to look forward too, as well as the summer. I hope to see you soon. You are welcome at our manor anytime you like. I have been pracitising quiddich lately, and I would love to show you some of my new moves, which I am certain, will get me on the team this year now that our three players have graduated.

I hope this letter finds you well, and I know you will enjoy the book. I saw it in Flourish and Blotts a little less than amonth ago and knew I had to buy it for you. I knew if anyone could appreciate it, it would be my best friend Bella.

I bought myself a copy as well, when you visit we can discuss some of the finer points.

best wishes for the best witch I know,

Lucius

I think I might love him. My mother says I dont know what love is, but that he would make a fine husband.

I cannot stop smiling.

Mother says its annoying.

But she was pleased with the book. Cissy says it looks boring and Andy says it looks stupid. She's been telling me awful things about Lucius. She says his family is involved with the dark arts. I tell her she's only jealous because I'm best friends with such an impressive boy and her only friend is our cousin Sirius. Andy and I fight a lot. She thinks I'm stuck up. I try to explain to her that I'm not, that being a pureblood is something to be proud of, as is our wealth. She says we didn't earn it, so it is not ours to be proud of. Its an interesting point, but it still sets us above others.

I hope we can mend this awful barrier we're building between us. Cissy says it makes her cry when we fight.

None of that matters as much as getting to see Lucius. I'm having a birthday party tomorrow and he will be attending. Then we can decide when I should go over his manor. I'm very excited.

I'm going to read the book he sent me, so we can talk about it together tomorrow, seperated from the rest of my company, alone in the blooming garden. I've been hoping for another kiss on the cheek since Christmas, but we're almost never alone together. We spent all year in the dining hall, common room, library, or laughing outside in the grounds when suimmer approached.

I still remember how his eyes shone in the sunlight.

I havent seen him since school ended and I miss him terribly.

Love,

Bella

September 1st

Dear Diary,

The Black family was disappointed today, greatly disappointed with the arrival and sorting of Andy and Sirius. All our family has resided in Slytherin. They have disgraced the family name.

Gryffindor.

the BOTH of them.

I am thouroghly disgusted. Lucius shares my views on this atrocity and expressed his most sincere regrets.

I spent most of my summer with him, or as much of it as I found possible. We've now kissed 4 times. Once on the lips. I nearly died with happiness. It felt like there were butterflies inside my stomach.

Now my stomach feels angry with my sister and cousin.

How COULD they? Andy glanced in my direction with a sad little smile as she joined the Gryffindors. Sirius stuck his tongue out at me. After all I've done for the little squirt! He called a dear friend of Lucius', Severus, Snivellus or some nonsense too! He's causing trouble already and he's been here for less than a day. His future looks like that of a blood traitor and Andy is following right behind him.

Gryffindor?

For Merlin's sake.

I couldnt be more upset. Simply couldnt.

Love,

Bella

October 31st

Dear Diary,

I know I said I COULDNT be more upset, but I am. I am livid. Positively IRATE.

Let me begin at the beginning-

We went to the village of Hogsmead today, as a special treat for Halloween. Lucius and I seperate from our group of friends who we agree can be outright DULL and found ourselves a cozy table in the three broomsticks. We ordered some warm butterbeers, their warm contents contrasting to the chilling rain outside. We talked merrily of the first quiddich match where he played seeker. He had caught the snitch at the last second, it was a breath-taking, awe-inspiring finish. I was the loudest one cheering for him. I was still clad in my Slytherin scarf and jacket, green with silver stripes to showcase my unwavering support. Lucius' hair was rather windswept, but I found it only added to my attraction to him.

It was in a positively romantic moment, when our gray eyes locked over our butterbeers that all of a sudden SIRIUS BLACK AND JAMES POTTER made Lucius' butterbeer turn itself upside down and empty itself over his head. Needless to say, Lucius tried to hex them back, but accidently overturned a table where from third year Hufflepuffs were seated. We chased them out into the freezing afternoon rain, Lucius cursing loudly while James and Sirius held their stomachs from laughter. Lucius flicked his wand and made the spilled butterbeer formly dripping from his hair, disappeared, and then shouted at them about being blood traitors and disgraces.

Then Sirius looked at me and said, "I pity you, Bella. You could do better. Maybe someone who's ugly head wasn't so far up his own ugly arse!"

The Lucius put a full body bind curse on him and stormed away, down the street. I glared menacingly at Sirius, who was coming out of the body bind with James' countercurse.

"I'll have you disowned for that!" I shrieked, "I hate you, Sirius! Change your last name, I do not even want to be associated with you any longer!"

Then with a dignified swish of my cloak I followed Lucius' lead and caught up with him as he entered Honeydukes. Before I could even begin to apologize, he waved it away.

"They were the words of a nasty 11 year old blood traitor." He said, smiling at me with the same affection I had grown accostumed to.

"But still-"

"No need."

"Lucius, but-"

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I smiled for the first time since Sirius had played his little prank.

"He's not fit to be your house elf, nevermind your cousin. Lets not let him spoil our afternoon."

So I enjoyed my afternoon. It was lovely, especially when the clouds parted and we walked back up to the school, hand in hand.

I just hope I never have to see Sirius again!

Love,

Bella

January 1st

Dear Diary,

Its a brand new year!

Lucius and I spent new years eve with our friends. We went to the Lestrange Manor and snuck alchohal into Lestrange's bedroom. I have never drank before, but the firewhiskey burned. I forced myself to drink until I was feeling sufficiently woozy. Lucius thought it was hilarious to hear me giggle so much. I leaned on his shoulder for like an hour while we sat around chatting, playing wizards chess and wishing we could use our wands outside Hogwarts. Lestrange, Avery, Snape, Mulicber, Goyle, Crabb, and Nott were the company Lucius and I shared. They weren't even that boring, though I find the conversations I have with Lucius when we are alone are our best.

I feel like a new woman. I turn 13 this year. I feel as if just yesterday I was 11- brimming with niave questions about mudbloods.

Which reminds me that Andy confronted me at Christmas, with fury in her eyes I've rarely seen before.

"You used to be friends with Ted Tonks?" She demanded on the train ride home, her eyes narrowed into angry slits. She had found my compartment and thrown the door aside like a toddler having a tempertantrum might. She was by herself, which was unusual, and her hands were pressed against her hips as she scowled at me from the doorway where she stood.

"No." I replied flatly, holding hands with Lucius and looking up at her with wide, and hopefully innocent eyes.

"You lie." She hissed back.

"I think I would know better than you, wouldnt I?" I smirked, fueling her anger.

"He said you two would talk in charms, that you once asked why everyone hated muggleborns-"

"-mudbloods" Lucius corrected her, chuckling.

"-And then you stopped talking to him, called him worthless, a mudblood, and scum, and now you and your pathetic friends curse him for fun in the hallways!"

"Mmmhmm." I said, disinterested.

"He's my friend! I was ashamed to admit I am your sister!"

"Then you know how I've felt ever since you got sorted into Gryffindor." I said, smiling in mock sweetness, "Leave my compartment. You're not welcome here. fraternizing with mudbloods? You are as bad of a blood traitor as Sirius. You two are disowned as far as I'm concerned."

She left without another word, nearly shattering the glass in the compartment door as she slammed it behind her.

She barely spoke to me all Holidays, but towards the end, she warmed up again. She thanked me for my present to her, a package of sugar quills, which she loves. She even told me all the gossipe in the Gryffindor tower and agreed that Sirius was a mischief maker and should stop before he got into anymore trouble. We blamed James Potter, arrogent and reckless and a bad influence on our already slightly rebellious cousin. She is a delightful sister when she wants to be.

Cissy feels leftout, she says, because she's only 9. She wont be at Hogwarts for two more years. She feels like she's an only child now with us gone all the time, and barely speaking to her when we're home. Cissy is more like a doll than a sister. I can't talk to her like I can talk to Andy. We can discuss Hogwarts and Sirius and I even confessed to her about my growing relationship with Lucius.

"You kissed?" She was stunned, "But you're only 12!"

"He's amazing." I could feel my cheeks flush.

Though she is not fond of Lucius, she promised she was happy for me and we smiled together, holding hands in excitement.

"Promise to lay off Ted, will you?" She implored, "And we can forget about our fight on the train."

"I'll lay off." I smiled. I would keep my promise. I wouldn't be cursing Ted anymore. I would encourage Lucius to do it twice as much.

But for my sister, I was happy to stop being the one doing to actual cursing, if it was important to her. I felt like a good sister making a promise I could keep. Though I worry about her hanging out with mudbloods still. I don't want people to start talking. Saying she's a blood traitor. But she is only 11, so as long as she see's the light as I did and starts choosing her company more wisely, I am certain she will be fine.

Now, I cannot spend all of the new year merely reliving old memories, I must go out and make new ones.

Love,

Bella


	3. The Nature of the Game

April 3rd

Dear Diary,

Lucius just won another quiddich game!! We had a party in the common room! It was brillant. He's calling me his girlfriend. I have never ever been this happy before.

July 12th

Dear Diary,

Lucius turned 14 today! We attended a spendid party at his manor. Sirius was forced to go by his mother and he and Severus got into a fight. Wands were almost used before they resorted to fists.

I confronted Sirius after the brawl was disrupted and disengaged by an irate Lucius.

"Why?" I asked my cousin, trying not to shout

"Why not?" He demanded, his expression fierce and challenging

:"Because you're a git! A loser! A blood traitor and a cunt! How could you do that at Lucius' party? To a friend of Lucius?"

"So thats what this is about!" Sirius laughed, "If it offends Lucius, it offends Bella. You're pathetic. Snape is the git, the loser, and the cunt. He's a greasy, no good, dark magic loving freak. And If I remember correctly, I was not the only one throwing punches in that fighting match. Though, I was the only one throwing GOOD punches." And with that he walked away. and I merely glared after him.

It sickens me to know we share the same blood.

Later that afternoon, inbetween dances with Lucius, while he was off talking to an aquiantence of his father and I under a tree, off to the side of the gardens courtyard where the main party was being held, Severus approached me, fully apologetic in sharp contrast to the attitude of my dear cousin.

"He was provoking me," Severus explained, "Not that it justifies my actions entirely, or at all, but.."

"Say no more, Severus." I smiled, "I understand, I do. My cousin can get to the best of us."

"Even to you?" He laughed in spite of himself, "No one can get to you, Bella."

"No one is impervious to the mischief of Sirius Black." I smiled at him, squinting to make out his sharp features and pallid skin in the brightness of the summer sun, "Why does he and his gang hate you with such surprising passion though?"

"You would have to ask them." He snorted, frustratedly, "They're arrogant, they feel as if they have the right to treat everyone in whatever manner they see fit."

"And James Potter is inlove with your mudblood friend." I added, chuckling, "I think he may be jealous of you too."

Severus seemed to flush with glee, "You think?"

"I do." I smiled, genuinely, at his excitment.

"You're not appalled at her blood status?" He looked suspicious all of a sudden

"Of course I am." I shrugged, not truely appalled, "Well, I dont support it. But we're 13. There will be a time to choose, but now is not then."

"I'm 12." He corrected me automatically

"Exactly." I replied

"You're not as bad as everyone says." He said thoughtfully, staring down at me, sprawled out beneath a flowering tree in the shade.

"How bad do they say I am?" I tilted my head to the side as I awaited his answer

"The worst." He snickered and walked off.

I was left alone with my confusion until Lucius joined me once more. He has become my best friend, my boyfriend, my world.

I'll write again soon.

Love,

Bella

November 28th

Dear Diary,

There is a growing underground movement, riddeled with dark magic and bright ideas. Its run by a man named lord voldemort, or so they say. There's wanted posters showing his waxy white but handsome face lining the store shop windows of Hogwarts and Diagon alley. They've been there since late August. They tell us Lord Voldemort kills muggles and mudbloods and those who oppose him.

they tell us he's evil.

but his ideas, well,. Lucius and I have discussed them at some length.

He believes purebloods should rule over mudbloods

He believes in achieving power through any means

He believes in loyalty

He believes in ruling over muggles

He believes in using magic to its full potential, not stopping when law dictates you've gone too far. Those too fearful of dark magic, lord voldemort insists, are weak.

I've read his readings with Lucius.

dark magic seems so full of light

Love,

Bella

December 27th

Dear Diary,

I made the mistake of expressing my support for Lord Voldemort to Andy.

She has refused to talk to me since christmas night when I confessed my admiration of his cause.

I am most crestfallen. She is wayward. Spending more and more time with Ted Tonks, a friendship which I thought would disinigrate with time, not strengthen. I am lost at home without Andy's companion ship. Cissy is too young to speak of much. Lucius and I spent boxing day together and we plan on ringing in the new year side by side as well. He gave me a ruby necklace for christmas. I'm in awe of its beauty. It is charmed to protect me from vampires and werewolves as well, not that either worry plagues me much, but both the thought of the protection and the necklace itself is sweet and beautiful in everyway.

Also, the followers of Lord Voldemort have fashioned themselves with a name for their clan: The Death Eaters.

Lucius says we should consider joining, once we've completed our education at Hogwarts. I feel as if it may be a good idea.

I'm not positive though

I need to give the matter serious consideration.

but ridding the world of mudbloods can't be a bad thing, can it? And neither can acheiving some glory for myself and a greater cause. It has some appeal to it, joining this Lord Voldemort.

Love,

Bella

May 21st

Dear Diary,

There have been attacks lately, mostly underground, of mudbloods within Britain. They say that You-Know-Who is behind it.

You-Know-Who is the Dark Lord I spoke of before. It is considered disrespectful to speak (or write) his name now. He's establishing himself these days. His following is by far a minority, but slowly expanding. Lucius' father has joined You-Know-Who's ranks. He is a most nobel wizard.

Lucius and I have promised his father we will join them after Hogwarts as well.

Lucius says its the perfect oppertunity for both of us.

and I remember how his eyes sparkeled with frenzied excitement when he spoke of the goals and achievements of this new Darl Lord, and hw he said to me, in the sweetest voice I have ever heard him use

"And Bella, love, we shall be fighting the filth of the wizarding world together! We will find glory together! It is our fate, to be together, and to help the Dark Lord. I have never been so sure of anything. It all makes sense now, how we found one another, two people with the same ideals, same humor, and this connection we have, amd all our passion... we can channel it into helping the Dark Lord. Together. That is most important, Bella, that we do it together."

Then we kissed. Not a mere peck on the cheek. But a true kiss. A kiss above overdue library books knocked out of my lap onto the green carpeting of the Slytherin Common room. It was lkate, out faces illuminated only dimly by the dying fire. No one else was awake, we were the last two to remain studying, and talking softly as the hours wore on.

My whole life never made so much sense as it did after he kissed me.

I would join the Dark Lord, together with Lucius, we would become powerful, we would be loyal to our lord, we would get married.

It seems so clear. So very clear.

Diary, oh diary, am I being niave to believe in this future with such certainty?

I fear I most certainly am. But I can't help it. I believe in it, diary. Just as I believe in myself.

Love,

Bella

July 25th

Dear Diary,

I've been 14 for over a month now. Lucius' dad told the Dark Lord (that is how I shall refer to him from now on, to show my deepest respect) that he has a son who shows the upmost promise for his cause. Lucius MET the Dark Lord, briefly, but still! THEY MET.

Lucius tells me he's tall and pale, like the posters show him to be. But he seems to glow. There is an ambiance, an aura that surrounds him that the posters cannot capture. Lucius says he is reminded of the fairy tale "The three brothers".

You know, the one where three brothers meet death on a bridge and get a wish each?

Lucius says the Dark Lord reminds him of the character of death. Death personified.

I wish to be in his presence to soak in some of his glow, to bear witness to his magic.

Lucius and I spend days at his manor pouring over books of magic, both the pure and the darkest. I wonder if we are boarding on becoming obsessed with the Dark Lord and his cause.

But then even if we are, is there a more worthy thing in the entire world to be obsessed with?

I think not.

I think back to last summer, spent out doors, watching flowers bloom and Lucius soar above me on his racing broom. I remember being so warm and content.

But now I am alive.

Lucius says he is amazed by me. He says I'm perfect.

I tell him I love him, as we lay on the roof of his manor, shoving books aside in favor of a few moments to admire the star speckeled sky glittering above us. He tells me he loves me too, and takes my hand in his. Our skin tones are so pale, so pure.

white is pure.

then I remember my last name is black.

Love,

Bella

September 1st

Dear Diary,

Cissy was sorted into Slytherin today!

Lucius and I are very pleased she did not follow in the footsteps of Andy of Sirius.

I am barely awake. Last night I could not sleep. I was plauged with dark dreams that I can barely remember. Andy says they're a warning of the dark path she see's me following. I tell her to "scone off, blood traitor."

My patience evaporates the less I sleep and the more I read.

The books the school assigns us no longer interest me. Lucius smuggeled books from his manor to school, books of powerful magic. We plan to read them together in the darkest hours of night, preparing for our future.

It will be much more effecient preparation than that provided by this school.

Love,

Bella

Ocotober 31st

Dear Diary,

The Halloween feast turned into a battlefield today. Hexes were shouted at the top of nearly hysterical voices from the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables. Between Severus and James. Between Sirius and Lucius. Between myself and Andy.

It started with James shouting for Severus to wash his hair, and Severus hexing James' hair off, then Lucius rushing to his defense until Sirius insulted the Dark Lord, and screamed Lucius was a Death Eater and should be thrown to Dementors. Furious, I aimed at James, Andy blocked it and so the dueling continued until the teachers assigned us all detention.

Happy Halloween.

I spent it writing lines of "I will not duel in the great hall" over 200 times.

When we had all finished composing our lines, and were dismissed to return to our dorms, Sirius slipped a note into the pocket of my robes. I read it by wandlight, under my covers once I was safely in my bed, away from any prying eyes. I did not want to upset Lucius again.

It read

Bella,

Meet me tomorrow at the edge of the forbidden forest by Hagrids Hut. Family matters. Come alone. 7pm

-Sirius

I was immediatly crushed with a fierce jolt of anxiety. How can I trust him?

I have not yet decided if I will go.

November 1st

Dear Diary,

All Saints day has never been less holy.

I showed Lucius the note from Sirius and he drank an invisibility potion we concocted together a week earlier for such an occasion, and for practice.

Once invisable, we went out into the grounds at late evening. The sun had long since set over the mountains and cast the edge of the forest in dark shadows.

Approaching the boarder of trees by Hagris hut I heard whispering. Lucius and I had been holding hands, but I let go and lit my wand, to see Sirius looking pleased and mischeivious, Andy who avoided my eyes, and Cissy who looked confused. Emerging from the trees came James looking arrogant, and a small stout lad who looked almost giddy. Last to enter the circle of wand light was a thin, rather sickly boy I recognized as Remus Lupin, another friend of Sirius'.

"What is this?" I demanded, glaring at those who stood before me.

"We're here to try and convince you to break up with Lucius." Sirius said coldly, "His father is a death eater. James' father is in the Order of the Pheonix and they know who is and is not a Death Eater. We cannot let you fall into the hands of You-Know-Who. Even if you are a complete, annoying, bossy, intolerable bitch, we don't want you joining or being killed by You--Know-Who. So you need to get away from Lucius, now that you know the truth."

Lucius, from under the concealment of his potion, cursed Sirius under his breath. Sirius was disarmed and thrown against the nearest tree.

"Who's there?" Sirius snarled, rubbing the back of his head which had collided against the rough bark forcefully.

"You brought Lucius, didn't you?" Andy narrowed her eyes

"I'm not breaking up with him," I laughed at the group assembeled before me, "You're all pathetic. Worthless. Go spawn diseased children with mudbloods. Stay out of my life. The Dark Lord is aiming to achieve admirable goals, and what Lucius' father does is none of your business."

"Do you plan on being a Death Eater too, Bella?" Sirius asked coldly, standing up again

"So what if I do?" I smiled at him, enjoying the looks of horror appearing on everyone's face, even Cissy looked mildly disturbed at the bluntness of my reply.

"Then you're no bloody cousin of mine!" Sirius shouted and spat at my feet, "Get out of my sight. You'll get what you deserve."

"She'll come around, Sirius." Andy said, sighing heavily, and pulling him back towards her.

"Fuck off, the lot of you." Lucius said angrily, still invisable, but thoroughly angry now, "You will all suffer your fate when the Dark Lord comes to power. The Order of the Pheonix, the pathetic movement against The Dark Lord will crumble in no time. And you will all be pleading with Bella and I to save you. This rghteousness and pride will be the death of all of you, if you don't come around."

"Where is he?" Sirius demanded to me, his anger mounting.

"We know magic now that you couldnt dream of," I was still smiling, "Imagine how powerful we will be when we join the Dark Lord. You, and blood traitors like you, never stood a chance against people like us."

"People like you?" James cried, in outrage, "People like you are everything that is wrong with the wizarding world! And I'll have you know, Sirius and I told Andy you were a lost bloody cause! You'll go down with Voldemort! thats right- VOLDEMORT, NO GOOD, PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A WIZARD, EVIL, BLOODY FOOL, DISGUSTING MISUSE OF MAGIC SCUM- VOLDEMORT"

"DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME!" Lucius and I screamed in unison

"You are not worthy to speak his name!" I said, my smile vanishing in place of a snarl, "And he will not go down! Remember when you die, that you sealed your fate on this night, when you disrespected him!"

With that, Lucius and I walked away, back to the grounds, leaving them standing at the edge of the forest to dwell on our interaction.

The potion wore off after we snuck back through the main entrance. Lucius, shocked slightly to see his body materializing before him again, stepped sideways behind a suit of armor in the main hall, and dragged me with him.

We were pressed against each other behind the armor, and he pressed his finger to his lips to motion for me not to speak. We waited, our hearts beating furiously, until at long last we saw the group of them enter and we strained our ears to listen to their voices as they rounded the corner where we hid

"Was she always such a troll?" James asked Sirius, undoubtly speaking of me.

"She's always been Bella." Sirius gave a laugh that was absent of any real amusement, "Always been a bit stubborn, not the nicest girl you would ever meet, certainly stuck up, certainly opinionated, ambitious, and angry, even when she was very young. But I never knew this is what she would become."

"A Death Eater." Andy shuddered, her voice quivering as if she were about to cry, "She won't go through with it. They kill people. Bella is not a killer."

I shifted uncomfortably. I agreed with Andy. I was not a killer. How could I kill someone? Take their life?

But thats what Death Eaters do, I reminded myself.

Dizzied with the thought of myself as a murderer, I tried to turn my attention back to their conversation which was growing ever more faint as they move away from our hiding place

"Its Lucius, he's turning her into something dark." Andy went on, "He's a terrible influence, exposing her to dark magic. If she could be free of him, she could use her talents, her stubbornness for something good. For the Order even!"

"She doesn't seem to have the heart of a hero." Sirius half-laughed at the notion of me being part of the Anti-Dark lord movement.

"Sorry to say this mate, but she doesnt seem to have a heart at all." James added, chuckling.

We could only hear their footsteps after his sentence was spoken and soon even the echoeing of shoes on marble tile faded away.

Lucius and I climbed out from behind the armor.

"I have a heart," I tried to smile. but I was sure it must have looked more like a grimace, "And the murdering thing- do all Death Eaters murder?"

"I know you have a heart," Lucius kissed my cheek softly, "And they don't murder REAL wizards. Muggles and mudbloods maybe, but is that really murder? Are their lives worthy enough to be spared?

"I don't know." I sighed, and he put his arm tightly around my shoulder as we made our way back to the common room, "Do you think you could ever kill someone. Lucius?"

"Only if they deserved it." He kissed the top of my head. These small gestures made everything else seem unimportant, for I had Lucius, "And those members of the Order, they kill too. They kill Death Eaters, Death Eaters kill them. Its survival, Bella. To kill or be killed. Its the nature of the game. The strong live another day, the weak perish. Its the difference between glory and shame."

"The nature of the game?" I asked, slightly amused without knowing why, "Is murder?"

"Indeed." He smiled and before we entered the common room we kissed, passionatly, harder than ever before. I felt like I was living a dream.

I feel as if I am still inside the dream. I am afriad to wake up. Its such an intruiging dream.

Love,

Bella


	4. The Death Eater Youth

November 18th

Dear Diary,

The Quiddich game a week ago was one of the most exciting I've ever seen. James Potter plays seeker for Gryffindor this year and Lucius plays seeker for Slytherin, as always.

The rain poured harder than I can ever remember. It turned to ice as the afternoon wore on. The players could barely hold their brooms without slipping. The feild bwloe was turned to mud.

There were chants and jeers shouted from every corner of the stands, but the players seemed to not even hear us over the roar of the rainfall.

It really IS a pity that no one was able to win.

The game was interupted by Headmaster Dumbledore calling us into the Great Hall for an emergency, when the end of the game was no where in sight.

There was an attack, apparently.

Several students parents were dead.

James' Potter's among them. I still remember how he took the news. He cursed, first the entire Slytherin table to flip upside down, it broke Goyle's foot. Then he screamed at the headmaster

"Its YOUR fault! They were in the Order to help you! Now they're dead! How many more people are we going to watch die, Dumbledore? How many?"

McGonagall escorted him out into the hall. Sirius made a move to follow, but stopped, and turned toward the Slytherin table, turned directly toward me. Some Slytherins were laughing about his outburst, others fussing over Goyle and his maimed foot. Others still, focused on cleaning up the mess James had caused. I was one of the few, who stood paralyzed where I was. A 14 year old girl, though I am, I felt much older. It all felt so much more real.

"This is what you want to be a part of, Bella?" Sirius asked, before the entire silent and dumbstruck Great Hall.

I didn't answer him. I simply watched as he, Lupin, and his short stout friend chased after James, into the corrider. The Great Hall's silence was not totally silent. It was racked with sobs.

Lucius turned to me. He had been one of those laughing at James, but when he spoke, his laughter had subsisded, "You allright, Bella?"

"Of course." I said briskly, "More than all right. I'm fantastic."

"If the Potters weren't blood traitors-"

"They wouldn't be dead." I finished for him.

And that is how I learned to accept, and not sympathize with the hourdes of crying students.

But my sleep is now punctured with their cries.

This world is either falling apart, or coming together.

Lucius promises, his voice pleading and earnest, that it is coming together. And that together, he and I shall help make it a better place, free of mudbloods and blood traitors, a paradise for worthy purebloods like ourselves. I lean my head against his shoulder, and make a wish on a star every cloudless evening that he is right.

Love,

Bella

December 24th

Dear Diary,

Ever since the death of James Potter's parents, he and Sirius have been even more unusually cruel to Severus. This displeases Lucius. He and Severus are like brothers. When Lucius is not with me, he is surely with Severus.

Severus sat with us in our compartment home for the Christmas Holidays. He speaks softly, but his voice always sounds so cold.

"Why are you such close friends with that mudblood Lily Evans?" I demanded of him, a question I'm sure he must be asked once or twice a week.

"He desires her." Lucius chuckeled.

"She has dirty blood." I said with distaste, "I would think you would know better."

"Shut up, Black." He said, yawning at me.

"Don't talk to her like that," Lucius warned him. But I had already put a hiccuping curse on him in relatiation, which Lucius fixed while chortling slightly to himself.

"You really ARE Sirius' cousin." Severus remarked coldly after his hiccuping subsided.

"Thats the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me, Snivellus." I replied, sweetly, "Now, we share a common interest and common goal, and common desire to serve the Dark Lord. Don't make me your enemy."

"Fine" Severus rolled his eyes.

The rest of the ride passed without event.

We went to Sirius' house tonight for his parents Christmas eve party. He refused to even look at me. Cissy was chatting with Regulus, Sirius' younger brother, and Andy with Sirius and James who had also been invited over. I sat alone with my parents, sulking because Lucius was busy with his own family. I wandered around the house, from room to room, lonely for the first time in ages.

I always feel incomplete when Lucius isn't around.

But I will see him tomorrow, so I content myself with that thought.

Love,

Bella

Febuary 14th

Dear Diary,

Today Lucius gave me a bracelet of ruby to match the necklace I recieved for my birthday. He swore we would be together forever, as we kissed and walked along the snowy streets of Hogsmeade. We continued kissing in a small coffee shop, and in the three broomsticks, and in a dark corner of Honeydukes where he bought me sweets, saying nothing could ever be as sweet as me

then he laughed

and said, "Actually, you're the least sweet girl I know, but its part of your charm."

I blushed and we resumed kissing.

Sirius, James, Lupin, and their fourth short friend saw us and one of them called out, Sirius persumably, "Make sure you use an anti-pregnancy charm! We don't need Death Eater scum breeding more Death Eater scum."

"If we did have a baby, it would beat all four of you in a duel by the time it was 7!" Lucius called back, and laughing, we pressed our lips together again.

It was a lovely Valentines day, diary. Very lovely indeed. I keep holding my wrist up towards light, admiring how the rubies sparkle at me, the same sparkle Lucius gets in his eyes whenever he's excited.

After Hogsmeade, Lucius, Severus, and I spent some time discussing plans to start an organization for future Death Eaters within Hogwarts. That way we can train together, prepare each other, and form a bond for when time calls us to join the Dark Lord. It was an idea of Severus, and I commended him on it. He's turning out more tolerable than I thought he would. What he lacks in looks and wealth and his choice in company of a mudblood, he makes up for in talent, intelligence and cleverness.

We think our organization will gain strength and numbers quickly once we put it into action.

Lucius says the Dark Lord will be pleased with our initiative.

I hope he's right.

I envy that he's met the Dark Lord. That is my latest ambition. I would like nothing more than to be in his company.

Obsessed though I may be, I have never been more alive.

Love,

Bella

May 9th

Dear Diary,

The Death Eater Youth hs been meeting since March. We have about 20 members. 19 of them Slytherin, one Ravenclaw named Rookwood.

It is the best idea we've ever had.

Lucius and Severus were the two leaders at first, but I had so many ideas and opinions, we became a trio of leaders. Together we teach our members dark magic. Potion making, unforgivable curses, dark hexes, diversion tactics, and defensive magic. We tell them all we've read, and all Lucius hears from his father about the plans the Dark Lord himself is putting into action.

Together we've established our own facet of worship for the Dark Lord within Hogwarts under the nose of Albus Dumbledore, one of the first to die under the Dark Lords future reign.

Its exhilarating to be a part of something bigger than oneself.

It fuels me, gives me strength and power, and a reason to sleep and a reason to wake.

One day, all the Gryffindors who mock us now. Who scorn us, and pity us, and loathe us will only fear us.

Fabian came up to me in charms class yesterday, and told me in a voice that was just loud enough for the entire class to hear, with the exception of Professor Flitwick, who was taking a Gryffindor who managed to charm off his left ear to Madam Pomfry, that he was disappointed in me.

"Bellatrix Black, I remember first year when I thought you might be different," He laughed coldly, "I thought you were niave, ignorant, and brainwashed, but maybe, just maybe, smart enough to be able to see through the propaganda and embrace the truth. You not only proved me wrong, but you made me doubt giving any other person the benefit of the doubt, EVER. The person you're becoming in the type of person who is resevered special cells in Azkaban and hell."

"Whats this all about, Prewett?"

"Oh, I don't know," He pretend to think as he paused, "Maybe its about you organizing a Death Eater movement in Hogwarts and practicing your Dark Magic on random first years or mudbloods you see in the halls?"

"I don't know what you're on about, love." I winked at him, "Been hit with one cure too many to the head?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Black." He said, anger etched into every syllable he spoke, "You are a disgrace to wizard kind! You don't deserve to have a wand, twisted little girl. Death Eater in the making."

"Thats high praise, Prewett." I smirked, "You're a dead member of the Order of the Pheonix in the making."

and with that, Flitwick re entered the room, and the conversation was halted, as we continued with summoning charms.

"Accio soul!" Prewett said, pointing his wand at me, several minutes later, "Aw, nothing came? Oh wait, I should have known better, Bella Black has no soul."

He and Ted broke down into laughter

"Accio Hogwarts uniform" I whispered, pointing at Prewett, who though was fully clothed a second earlier, was then stripped to his boxers and socks.

The Slytherins exploded into laughter, and even a couple Gryffindors hid their faces, snickering as inconspiciously as they could.

"Oh my!" Flitwick looked horrified as I stood, holding Prewetts uniform in my hand. I tried to transform my smirk into a look of surprise as Flitwick surveyed me, alarmed

"Sorry professor!" I exclaimed, desperatly forcing myself not to laugh, "I missed!"

"Return his uniform immediary, Miss Black! 20 points from Slytherin!" He squeaked, still in shock.

I tossed Fabian his uniform back, and whispered in his ear ten minutes later as I walked through the door, "It was worth the 20 points, and mess with me again, you'll get worse. Blood traitor."

It was a very empowering day. I laugh at the memory. Do you know the adrenaline, the excitment of success? of power?

Its addicting.

Lucius says he gets the same shot of adrenaline from being with me.

Love,  
Bella

June 1st

Dear Diary,

we returned home on the Hogwarts express today. Another year over. I can hardly believe it.

The Death Eater Youth plans to recruit even more next year. Our prospects grow with the strength of the Dark Lord.

And he grows more powerful everyday.

There have been no recent massacres lately, because Lucius says he's off befriending giants and goblins and other creatures that would make dangerous enemies to all who oppose him. Lucius knows this from his father, who leaves the manor on long mysterious absences doing the bidding of the Dark Lord.

"He goes on all sorts of adventures, Bella." Lucius says, his voice almost wistful, "Imagine when its our turn? And we embark on these adventures together? I cannot think of anything that would make me happier."

"It sounds so perfect, Lucius." I smiled at him. We were sitting side-by-side, hand-in-hand, on our way home in the Hogwarts express.

"Our futures glow so brightly." He said, mostly to himself, though he squeezed my hand affectionately.

"Thank you." I said to him, softly.

"For what?" He asked, looking politely confused.

"Everything." I replied and we kissed, my hands on the back of his neck, his arms around my waist. Severus, Avery, Mulciber and Goyle probably felt slightly awkward watching us, but we forgot they were even there.

I wonder, sometimes, in a world so full of death, struggle, and power, how can Lucius and I have found love within each other? The two most feared and hated students of Hogwarts?

But its summer now, so who has time to ponder such things?

Lucius and I have bright days ahead of us. We can read books of dark magic by moonlight, and stroll the gardens of our manors in the afternoon. We can makes plans and kisses over lemonade, and wait for the future to unfold before us.

Love,

Bella

June 22nd

Dear Diary,

Andy's present (if you can call it that) for my 15th birthday was a book entitled

"The Downfall of Grindelwald and Other Dark Wizards and the Suffering of Their Followers"

I threw the book at her face. She ducked, laughing, and called as I stormed away from the breakfast table where I had been opening my books, "Its fitting, is it not? I just thought I should show you your future ahead of time! You pathetic excuse for a witch!"

I walked outside, into the blinding morning sunlight. I paused at the edge of the garden, my long black hair gentle swaying behind my shoulders in the light wind. The flowers blooming in every color imaginable surrounded me. It surely looked like a painting, as I gazed up to the sky, hating Andy with a strange passion I sometimes forget I am capable of feeling. I wanted to turn my wand on her. Make her scream.

She was smiling, a smug expression on her normally sweet face, at the breakfast table.

I wanted to make her suffer.

Her jokes, her betrayls, her judgements.

It was over.

I feel no more affection for her than I did for the fat friend of James and Sirius whose name I still don't know, nor care.

There is a strange sadness that contrasts my angry passion with the death of the love that once existed between me and my sister. But the sadness fuels the fury, and becomes as meaningless as Andy herself has become to me.

Cissy gave me a box of chocolate frogs. She's getting older very quickly. Though only 12 she could pass for 14 easily. She's so very pretty for such a young girl.

She is not strong like Andy and I, however. I do not know what will become of her.

The best I can hope for is that she marries well.

Anyway, its been an awful birthday because Lucius can't make it over until tomorrow.

When I'm in his presence again, remembering the glory and beauty in feeling truly alive, I'll feel better.

Until then, I'm going to go for a walk. Use the change of scenery and breaths of fresh air to try and awake feelings of content and happiness that seem dormant always unless Lucius is around to stir them.

My stomach and eyes and heart and mind are restless when he's not with me.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think it just makes my heart more anxious, more irratic, and less stable.

Love,

Bella

July 5th

Dear Diary,

The summer sun is too hot, and it burns skin as fair as mine.

I'm tired from the heat, opressed, and bored.

Andy and I refuse to glance, nevermind speak to one another in a civil tongue. Cissy contents herself with reading school books and visiting neighboring friends.

I spend every second I can in Lucius' arms or in his library.

Severus and others come to the Malfoy Manor as well. They want to continue meetings of the Death Eater Youth, so we do as often as possible.

I'm too overwhelmed with such cursed hot weather to write with my usual eloquence.

Lucius is with his father today, at Knockturn alley.

I wait impatiently for him to send me and owl inviting me over to entertain me with tales of his journey.

Love,

Bella

July 6th

Dear Diary,

Lucius recanted his venture to knockturn alley with me this morning, over tea in his mother's parlor.

"It was a sunny day," He recalled thoughtfully

"I know, Lucius, my manor is 20 minutes from London by broom"

"Just wanted to set the scene." He laughed, "Anyway, it was a sunny day. The sky was that brillant shade of summer blue. The wind was light, but cool in contrast to the scorching heat, especially brutal around midday."

"You're not writing a novel, Lucius. Do away with the details." I smirked

"okay" He laughed again, "We used floo into Borgin and Burkes. Its this great shop full of dark objects. We were given a list of items to pick up there. The list was handwritten by the dark lord. and given to my father in person at the last meeting. He entrusted it to my father. Its not like a grocery list. Not a silly errand. They were important items. We didn't even have to pay for them once my father showed Borgin the dark mark seared across his forearm."

"What did you buy?" I asked eagerly, "What was on the list?"

"There was a book, I'm not sure of its relevance, but it was called 'The Four Hogwarts Founders and Hidden Dark Magic'. It was leather-bound and positively ancient. I was shocked that it was cursed. They say, you'd have to be a very powerful wizard to even open it. They say the founders heirs put the curse on it to cover up their secrets. It wasn't only Slytherin who was up to no good, you know. Borgin said there was three chapters about a diadum of Ravenclaw."

"What else?" I demanded, disinterested with a simple book. I was expecting something more extriordinary.

"Potion ingredients." He shuddered even as he spoke, "foul items. Human body parts. Unicorn blood. Hairs of a banshee. The heart of a baby dragon. Tears of a pheonix, baslisk venom, dragon blood... I can only imagine what he'll be brewing."

"What else?" I asked again, more inrtruiged than ever.

"A truth necklace," His eyes lit up as he spoke, "The wearer will be forced to tell the truth and if they don't, or if they can't because they're bound by other magic, the necklace strangles them"

"I want one" I grinned, but I was serious, "What else? Tell me more."

"There was a violin that plays itself, but it drives the listener mad." Lucius smirked menacingly, "My father assumes it's a good method of constant torture for future prisoners, because you cant administer cruciatus curse 24/7"

"Anything else?"

"Loads of other books. Don't remember their titles." Lucius shrugged, "Knockturn alley isn't like diagon alley or Hogsmeade, you know."

"What is it like?"

"Dark."

"There's no light?" I raised one eye brow spectically

"Dont be daft," Lucius smiled, "The stores are full of dark magic. The air feels dark, even under the brightest sunlight. Everyone seems in a rush, they were scarfs to conceal their face. They glare in your direction. Its very quiet. No voices puncture silences unless they're haggling. Beggers and peddlers crowd otherwise desserted streets. Its fascinating, but dark."

"We should go together." I suggested wildly, "And get somethings for the Death Eater Youth, to show them more dark magic! And to use for ourselves when the time comes!"

"Our parents..-"

"-Wouldn't have to know." I beamed at him, the idea blooming inside me like a rose garden. The possibilties mapped out before me. Imagine the things we could do with materials from Knockturn Alley. Imagine the respect owning things from those shops would garner.

"When should we do it?" Lucius grinned widely, "And have I told you lately, your brillance, cunning, and charm, and boldness is as beautiful as you are?"

"As soon as possible," I said, excitment overtaking my entire body, its warmth spreading through me, "And have I told you lately I love you?"

"I love you too," He breathed and we embraced. Our embrace turning into a kiss. and before long we were naked on his bed, tossing and rolling over. Sweat and saliva mixing, limbs entertwined until we no longer knew which arm or leg belonged to who.

It was beautiful, diary.

I could walk on this hot summer air, I swear thats how light and happy I am.

Love,

Bella

July 21st

Dear Diary,

There is something beautiful about Knockturn Alley.

Though the cobblestones are cracked and many stores are boarded up and beggers throw themselves at your feet, there's something beautiful in the very air you breathe

I understand what Lucius meant about it being dark.

We went at noontime yesterday. Using the floo powder to go to Knockturn alley from the fireplace in his manor.

We arrived in Borgin and Burkes. The shop owner leared at us as we tumbeled onto his floor, covered slightly in black soot. Lucius' hair looked terrible with black flecks it its pristine blonde surface, but it was only visable on my face and hands, for both my robes and hair are black.

"Welcome" Borgin, his name tag read, said tentatively to the two teenagers struggling to their feet before him, then he directed his gaze on Lucius, "You were here a few weeks ago with your father... what brings you here today? Another list?"

"No, we're here on our own behalf," Lucius said, a tone of commanding authority in his voice.

"What may I assist you with?" Borgin asked curtly

"I want that book." I said, pointing to a book behind a glass case, entiteled 'Dark Incantations'

"For what, little girl?" He smirked down at me.

"None of your fucking business," I snapped, "Do you not want my money? Are you a bloody clerk or an interrogation officer?"

"I can refuse to sell you anything, you know." He snapped back, though looked mildly impressed.

"Then refuse," I laughed coldly, "Lose out on making a profit."

"No, the book is yours." He pulled it from its case and turned back to us, "Anything else?"

"The vanishing cabinets" Malfoy said at once

"Certainly," Borgin sneered, and took two cabinets from behind a stack of cursed cloaks

My eyes grazed the store for anything else that caught my eye. There were stacks of dark books, shrunken heads, bottles that looked like they contained blood, and items most surely stained in blood. There was a fishtank with a flesh eating miniature shark, a map of Azkaban, and then out of the rubble and useless objects or objects I didn't understand a flash of silver. I moved forward to examine the silver item more closely. It was a flask.

"What does this do?" I asked, curiously staring at its dirty silver surface engraved with ancient markings.

"It turns whatever liquid you pour into it into poison that will make the drinker ill for a week at least, if not fatally sick." Borgin explained in a wheezy whisper, "Its very expensive, little girl."

"I'm very rich, old man."

And so with our new book, vanishing cabinets, and flask we took the floo at Borgin's back to Malfoys. We stowed the items in his drawing room and spent all afternoon, into early evening discussing their possible uses and flipping through the pages of "Dark Incantations".

"The Death Eater Youth is going to be in full swing this year, Bella." Lucius grinned, "I couldn't have done it without you. You amaze me, you really do."

"You amaze me." I whispered and we kissed from early evening into the night.

Before I left he bid me farewell, and invited me over again the next day.

"And the day after tomorrow, and the day after that..."

"I love you, Lucius." I whispered as the floo power fell into the fire, and I slowly climbed in, careful not to hit my head

"I love you too, Bella." was the last thing I heard as the floo network took me back to my own manor.

I just want to be with Lucius, reading our book, marvelling at the flask, at our new found power. I'm so bored here. Cissy is no company and Andy ignoring me. My parents never home. My house elf pathetic. Every second without Lucius is a second wasted.

Love,

Bella

August 7th

Dear Diary,

The other members of The Death Eater Youth assembeled at the Malfoy Manor today.

We showed them the items we procured from Borgin and Burkes to awe and applause

"We'll be stronger than ever this year!" Crabb said feverently, to dogmatic agreement. The excitment in the air was tangible, and it tasted almost sweet. Like the poisonus honeysuckle in the Malfoy garden.

They were particularly interested in the flask. Questions and thrill and admiration were all risen by such a small object which I now keep stored for saftey in the inner pocket of my robes. I feel it against my skin sometimes, strangly warm, and smooth despite the engravings on its uneven and unpolished surface. It is a thing of beauty.

"What will we use it for?" Lestrange asks curiously, his eyes brimming with excitment

"We will know when the moment presents itself." I replied to him, confidently.

I was sure my flask would have a purpose. I could sense it.

Lucius and I have read the book twice each now. We have decided which encantations to teach, and which to practice, and which to keep to ourselves for the time being. All the while we're certain the Dark Lord grows stronger. We draw our strength from him. His mission is our mission.

"Do you ever wonder, Lucius," I asked after the meeting disbanded and we were left alone in his drawing room, "If this has taken over our lives?"

"I think its given us life, Bella." He replied smiling down at me.

and I smiled back.

I want my name to be written in the history books. I want glory. I want to serve the Dark Lord.

Lucius says its our fate. I embrace my fate. Those who run from destiny are fools. Its not a face, they will run out of breath with no finish line to mark success.

The Death Eater Youth is my life until I become a true Death Eater. There shall never be a happier day than when I am granted that honor, with my Lucius by my side. "Together" he always promises. We will do it all together. His glory shall be my glory. His loss will be my loss. His future is my future. And right now, thats all that seems to matter. That and the Dark Lord.

Love,

Bella


	5. But the stars are leaking out

September 1st

Dear Diary,

I do blieve I am a wee bit drunk

we snuk out of the wellcome feest you see.

and we had some firewisherky

lots of it, you know.

amd now I'm a bit wasted.

You should see me, my hairs in my face. Lucius and I, we had some intimate time together. I am so drunk right now, so drunk drunk drunk.

I wonder how the feaest went? I hope well. I hope it was delcious. delucous like fire whisley. it takes like fire, you know Lucius tastes like fire too. I love him, you know. Not silly kid love, actual love.

ACTUAL LOVE

but I have no frends to talk about it with. The other slytherin girls are afriad of me. Andy wont talk me. Andy, little andy. She's so lovely. why were we fiting? or figting? fyiting

something like that

anyway, there's Severus but we don't discuss love, just curses to james and siriurs. He hates them, you know. Siriuirs is so astray. I don't want him to wander anymore. they say not all who wander are lost, but siriurs is. very lost. I need to guide him bak, but he's too far gone, you know? Its James Potter's fault. He;s a no good blood trairoting pirate.

I wish I had someone else to cinfide in. but its just you diary, you and Lucius.

No one else will ever understand, not ever. These thoiughts I pore (poor? Puor? pour?) into you, the meaning of my life is bestowed in you and in Lucius

and sometimes, just sometimes, I think nothing else matters.

excewpt the dark lord. he always matters

him and fire whiskey that tates like fire that tasts like Lucius

LOVE ACTUAL LOVE,

drink drunk drunk Bella

September 2nd

Dear Diary,

Drinking is bad.

don't ever do it. Or if you do, dont write a diary entry so then you can see what a lunatic you are when you're drunk.

Just a word to the wise. also, it makes your head hurt something awful.

Disregard all I said last night. I was in no fit state to be articulating myself.

Love,

Sober Sober Sober Bella

Ocotober 4th,

Dear Diary,

Severus, Lucius, and I have illustrated a plan to breach into what Sirius and James and their friends have been up to, and to glean any information they possess about the Order of the Pheonix.

The plan goes as follows:

Infiltrate the group. Using either Lupin, or the fat boy (Named Pettigrew)

and I was chosen to be the one to carry out the plan. So I must become close to Lupin or Pettigrew. The only question that remains is: How?

I doubt I've done much to portray myself as a trustworthy friend.

I must go weigh my options

and I must admit, constructing plans such as these makes me feel important already, though I am not even a real Death Eater, I am doing everything in my power to assist the Dark Lord. And it gaves me a sense of purpose.

I wonder to myself, almost obsessively, if the Dark Lord will like me when we meet at long last. What a glorious day it will be.

Love,

Bella

October 7th

Dear Diary,

Lupin is a berk.

I should have known better, but I am a bold person. I thought I'd find him alone in the library and attempt to make conversation. I must be deluded, honestly, if I ever thought that could be effective. I question my judgement sometimes, and wonder why I never stop to think. I have problems with acting on impulse.

"Hello Remus Lupin." I sat across from him.

Immediatly, he threw his books into his fraying book bag and stoof up, "Good bye Bellatrix Black."

"Wait!" I said, startled

"Sorry, Bellatrix Malfoy perhaps I should say."

"No, no, thats not what I meant." I frowned deeply, "I just wanted some company, thats all. Won't you stay?"

"I'm not stupid, you know." He smiled, but it was tinged with ice, "You're not getting any information out of me. I'm not cooperating with whatever is going on in your twisted mentalist head. You're a monster, and I want nothing to do with whatever you're up to. Now, kindly leave me alone and better luck on your next evil and insane concoction. Not that luck will be enough to help a future Death Eater."

and then he left me, stunned at the table alone watching Madam Pince extinguishing the tapers after several minutes and ordering me back to my common room.

Obviously, we will need to find another solution. Or at the very least a more subtle approach and a less observant target.

Love,

Bella the complete "metalist"

October 13th

Dear Diary,

Severus is a very gifted potion maker.

Love potions are extremely effective, even when placed in the center of a chocolate firewhiskey candy.

Peter Pettigrew loves candy so much he'd eat chocolate firewhiskey out of the hands of the devil himself.

Oh diary, I do believe our new plan may work. We put it into action next week.

Love,

Bella

October 24th

Dear Diary,

A first year named Barty Crouch Jr. (we call him Junoir) is a new member of the Death Eater Youth, and he shows potential.

He gave Peter the firewhiskey chocolate with the love potion in its core. He's a good lad. I think he's going places.

Peter fell madly inlove with me. He ate his candy at lunch, and then, without a word stood up from the Gryffindor table and walked straight over to where I sat with Lucius, Lestrange, Avery, and Severus.

"May I talk you for a walk, Beautiful Bellatrix Black?" He asked, his fat cheeks blushing scarlet, "Its a cloudy day, but your presence should light up even the darkest of shadows."

"Sure, Peter." I smiled, and though he did not know it, it was out of malice not affection. I followed him out of the hall into the grounds. It was indeed overcast, the clouds seemed ominous gray and threatened rain.

"I never noticed how stunning you are," Peter said softly, blushing even darker, "What can I do to win your affections?"

"Tell me, Peter, everything you know about the Order of the Pheonix."

I waited, holding my breath, as his lips quivered then the words poured out of his mouth

"Its the anti- You-Know-who movement!" He said, excitedly, "Do you want to join after Hogwarts too?"

"Yes, yes, very much" I grinned, resisting the urge to laugh at loud, "Tell me all you know of it!"

"They work against You-Know-Who independantly of the Ministry of Magic, they have tons of members, I don't really know who they are and won't until I'm of age, but they have a solid collection of powerful wizards, " He paused thoughtfully before continueing, "Their goals are to identify and locate Death Eaters and to foil their plans. They want to stop-"

all of a sudden Pettigrew's voice died and he whirled around, looking at James, Sirius and Lupin who stormed from the castle

"What in Merlin's name is going on here?" Sirius demanded.

I nearly panicked. It was me versus Sirius, James, and Lupin. Pettigrew would be little help with no voice and his already limited talents. I couldn't start a fight here. I tried to keep my head, but I was anxious, and I couldn't think of a lie quickly enough. Pettigrew was mouthing "I love her" repeatedly and pointing at me.

"That candy from the first year, " Sirius said suspiciously, "What the bloody hell did you put in it?"

"Nothing." I smiled sweetly.

"Nothing my arse." Sirius scowled darkly, "Tell me, Bella."

"Nothing." I said again, still smiling, "Now, kindly allow me to return to the castle, Pettigrew merely wanted a word about our potions homework-"

"Not so fast" James stepped in front of me, his eyes narrowed with pronounced dislike that I was certain my own eyes reflected back into his, "You're going to tell the truth for once in your life, or we will not hesitate to curse you into oblivion."

"I've done nothing wrong, Potter, now let me go." I seethed

"Lupin told us what happened in the library, you cow." he retorted, "If you don't tell us what we're up to, we'll-"

"Don't threaten me." I warned coldly

"Its three against one." James smirked, "I will use my wand if you give me no other options."

"Your option is to let me go, you daft git." I snarled

James lifted his wand to curse me, but he was punched in the face by Pettigrew, who motioned for me to run, his eyes tearing with his affection for me. But as I darted away, Sirius restrained Pettigrew and Lupin shot the disarming curse at me. It missed very narrowly, but as I swerved to avoid it, James' tripping spell landed on my feet and I fell into the soft, muddy, Ocotober earth.

Pulling myself into a sitting position, I remember swearing loudly and biting my lip to keep from crying. My knee had collided with a rock jutting out of the damp soil, and was split half open, its blood staining the grass beneath it. I sat there, not about to attempt to run again. I waited for them to catch up with me. James put a body bind curse on Pettigrew and dragged him along. They set him against the nearest tree and then the three remaining Gryffindors crouched before me, each with resentment etched on their features.

"Got a booboo?" Sirius asked mockingly, motioning to my bleeding knee.

I glared, but didn't respond. I lifted my wand and tapped my knee gently. The cut sealed itself. I performed another charm and removed the blood stains from my skin and robes. I then slid the wand back into my pocket, as to not give them a reason to fire another hex before I worked out another plan to get myself back into the school.

"Lunch will be over soon, you know." I said briskly, "Lucius will be waiting, and I do have to get to my next class. It would be in everyone's best interest to allow me to rejoin my table in the Great Hall."

"Not in Wormtail's best interest." Sirius replied fiercly, "What did you do to him?"

"I won't say unless you let me go freely afterwards." I said, thinking quickly.

"Fine" Lupin sighed, frustrated

"Fuck no" James spat angrily

"I don't think so" Sirius laughed coldly

"Come to a consenus please." I said, feeling exasperated.

"Tell us what you did and why, and you're free." Sirius said, though James was still looking furious.

"Put your wands down." I demanded, "Or I wont believe you. Mine is already away."

James muttered a curse that bound my hands behind my back, "You can still walk, but you can't fight back."

They all dropped their wands to the ground next to them. Glaring at them, I struggeled to my feet, "Fine, but if you hex me after I've give you your information, you won't have been very noble. Hypocrite blood traitor fools. Tying up your enemy hardly seems the bravest move to make."

"We try to be not only brave, but intelligent enough not to trust you." Lupin said curtly, "Now we won't break our promise."

"Of course not," James agreed, "Do we LOOK like Slytherins?"

"Thats hilarious." I remarked sarcastically.

"What did you do to Peter?" Lupin demanded.

"Love potion inside that firewhisky candy's center." I laughed.

"Why?" Sirius' face contorted into an angry and inquiring frown

"So I could see what he knew about the Order of the Pheonix." I smirked as their expressions revealed their horror.

"Erase her bloody memory!" James shouted.

"No!" Lupin held James' wand arm as he made a move to grab it from the grass where it lay, "Those can go horribly awry! You could erase her entire memory!"

"So what?" James asked angrily

"If we do, It would probably be a good thing!" Sirius jumped in, "Its not as if that head of hers contains anything that ought to be retained. Slytherin, Death Eater, bitch."

"Let her go." Lupin said, quite calmly, "We promised. We don't want to be as bad as she is."

Sirius and James exchanged glances, and glared at me with loathing. Lupin grabbed his wand and broke the ropes that were cutting into the skin around my wrists.

"Thanks." I muttered to him and brushed past the three furious Gryffindors while Pettigrew lay paralyzed against a tree, watching my retreating figure with magical adoration.

Lucius was thrilled with what I'd uncovered.

"Of course, its nothing the real Death Eaters don't already know, but its preperation!" He beamed at me, "And it shows our loyalty and cunning and ambition!"

"And our potion making talents" Added Severus smugly

"It was a successful mission, Bella." He commended me sincerely, "I am proud to call you my girlfriend"

His econiums mean more to me than even the success of the mission

but I must admit, the mission was the most exciting thing I've ever done. Almost a failure, or not. I had gotten the information I set out to attain and returned to Lucius victoriously, the only way a true Death Eater should ever return.

Though I was grateful for Lupin's insistance that they keep their promise and set me free unscathed, I see it as weakness.

Love,

Bella the successful

December 27th

Dear Diary,

Boxing day at the Malfoy Manor was pleasant. More so than Christmas day with Andy and Sirius. I try and talk to Cissy, but she's still so very young.

Boxing day was spent with Lucius, Severus, Lestrange, Avery, Nott, Dolohov, Goyle, Crabb, Nott, Mulciber, and Junior.

I have a certain fondness for Junior. He's a skinny first year Slytherin, with straw colored hair and matching freckles. His smile always appeared strained, and his eyes are dull, but he's clever. He's rather attached to me. He was one of the first to greet me as I tumbeled out of the Malfoy fireplace by floo. He said

"Miss Bellatrix, you are the prettiest, smartest, and strongest woman I have ever known." and blushing furiously he took my cloak and hung it up for me before joining me again as I was greeted by Lucius' parents.

I must admit, I was rather flattered.

Not everyone feels that way.

For example the dungbomb Sirius gave me for Christmas more than illustrated his feelings towards me. Though the dancing curse I gave him in return should have been a clear indication that the feelings are mutual. Watching him dance for nearly 5 minutes, unable to stop or scream for help once I stole his voice made the Holidays a very merry time indeed.

Though these days I spend away from the enchanted castle of Hogwarts feel like such a waste. I want to be where the Death Eater Youth is, where I can make a difference, where I can be a part of something.

Lucius says he feels the same way.

For christmas he gave me enchanted roses that live forever. They're not only rare and expensive, but absolutely beautiful.

"You're almost as beautiful as they are." He winked

"Hey!" I said in mock outrage, hitting him gently on the arm I had clasped onto in his bedroom on Boxing Day.

"It took every bit of strength I had to say that," He smiled down at me affectionately, "You are by far the more beautiful girl I've ever seen, you know that."

I am aware that I must seem distracted and disjointed in this entry. I do not know whats wrong with me.

I don't feel like myself away from Hogwarts and Lucius. It feels like part of me is missing without something to devote myself to. I'm shockingly incomplete. I sleep too much, and my dreams are diseased. My mother worries for my health.

"It can't be normal for a happy 15 year old girl to sleep as much as you do, Bella."

"Asleep is the way I like her best." Andy sneered in my direction. My mother pretended not to hear.

"Andy spends all her time with a mudblood, mother." I snapped, furiously.

Andy has not been allowed out of her room all vacation.

Love,

Bella

March 11th

Dear Diary,

The Death Eater Youth celebrated its one year anneversaire yesterday: A year of preparation for what lays ahead.

We had some festivities involving firewhiskey. Severus, Avery and Mulciber cursed some girl named Mary so that she was suspended upside down in the hall, her ink bottles crashing to the floor, soaking her books and parchment. It caused quite an uproar. Only Mulciber was punished, and the celebration continued.

We held the party in the room of requirement. There was a lot of minor jinxes bouncing off the walls as we practiced simple hexes on each other, laughing, feeling rather giddy.

"Who knew dark magic could lead to such light hearted fun?" Lucius smirked at the room full of party-goers, "Isn't it amazing what we've accomplished, Bella?"

"Its marvelous." I beamed at him and the room full of jubilent young students, all brimming with potential, swearing their devotion to the cause of The Dark Lord and promising they will pledge their eternal allegience to him the first oppertunity we're given. It seems like suicide, to volunteer to be a soilder when you know deaths will occur.

When wars lead to death, you must accept to face death. You cannot be so vain and foolish to think you alone are impervious to the suffering of battles.

But what is the point of living if there was nothing worth dying for?

I think back to before the Death Eater Youth and before I knew I wanted to join the Dark Lord and my life seemed so light, frivelous, carefree but devoid of any substance. It was empty. Filled with meaningless words and wasted moments. There was no purpose, I was blind, plunging forwards with no destination. Now I have a coarse to follow to the death, or to victory.

And I pray to Merlin it will be the latter.

I am so very young to contemplate matters of such weight.

15 years old, in the spring of my life- going on 44.

Love,

Bella

May 6th

Dear Diary,

When word reached my ears yesterday afternoon, leaving the Great Hall after lunch, that Andy and Ted Tonks were dating, I was struck with indecent outrage.

My sister dating a mudblood?

The blue skies shining serenely above us suddenly seemed dark. My family name is being sullied. Andy is decimating any chance she has at attaining a future free of strife and shame. I wrote home to mother and father immediatly, despite Cissy's pleading that I wait, not to upset our parents and drag them into the sorded lives we lead at Hogwarts.

However, I acted on impulse as I always do. Andy was disowned. She will not be returning home this summer. This I know from the howler that arrived almost immediatly after, from an apparating house elf. Word is, she will be staying with Ted and his family.

This was never supposed to end in this fashion.

I am crestfallen. I have lost a sister. No matter how strained and damaged the relationship between Andy and I became, everytime the bonds were severed more savagely I felt the loss of her companionship, love, and respect strike me to the chest all over again. Like a heartache that no potion could cure. Like a void, too empty to fill.

Lucius says she is not worth my pain. He says no one is worth my pain. He says I am better than that.

"Better than what?" I demanded of him, exhuastion, confusion, and sadness plauging me as I sat beside him in the common room.

"Better than the rest of this cursed world." He saids softly, "You know how magnificent you are, Bella. Just don't forget it in moments of suffering. Let no weakness overwhelm your constant strength."

I wonder, though, dear diary- Did things need to end this way? Did they need to become this complex, or have I worsened already lost situtations by merely being the person I am?

I know what Sirius and Andy would say. They would agree whole heartedly. scowling, and loathing my every movement, my every word.

But I know what Lucius and the rest of the Death Eater Youth would say. They would tell me to be strong, and that the person I am is a person they admire.

So- who is right?

When there are always two opposing opinions, each seemingly holding merit, which one is correct?

Or is the notion of a correct answer merely an illusion we use to justify our actions and beliefs? Is nothing truely correct?

I fear I DO make things to complicated for myself. But though I can weave and tangle webs, I cannot erase the damage I've caused. The scars I've carved. I cannot weigh myself down with guilt and pain. I must rise above it, or allow it to suffocate me and collapse into a weak creature. The type of person I loathe and pity. I refuse to be crushed by myself. I refuse to look to the past. Behind me there is only what cannot be changed, but before me lays a world of oppertunities.

Good-bye Andy.

You can fake it for a while,  
Bite your tongue and smile,  
Like every mother does an ugly child.  
But the stars are leaking out,  
Like spittle from a cloud,  
Amassed resentment counting ounce and pound.

You're entertaining any doubt,  
Because you had to know that I was fond of you,  
Fond of Y-O-U,  
Though I knew you masked your disdain.  
I can see that change was just too hard for us,  
Hard for us.  
You always had to hold the reigns,  
But where I'm headed, you just don't know the way. 

Love,  
Bella

May 16th

Dear Diary,

"All is fair in love and war"

I marvel at how very similar the two ideas are. Both destroy lives, both give meaning to life. Both break boundries and test character and require strength one isnt even aware that they possess.

Thats all my life is, diary- love and war.

Love of Lucius, The Dark Lord, and the Death Eater Youth.

and Wat- War between those that stand in the path desiring to impede upon the things I love.

For love and war, I give myself, all of myself.

And seeing that love and war are the only two aspects of my life that matter, and all is fair when dealing with them- anything I do in life can therefore be considered fair.

I am free of guilt and judgement.

You see, dear diary, its all for love and war.

Love,

Bella

May 28th

Dear Diary,

OWLS were less fun being locked in a room with Gryffindor mudbloods. The DADA OWL was ironic for a witch in my situation. I was demonstrating my skills to defend against all that I fight for. Defense against dark magic by a Death Eater seems unfathomable. Yet there it is.

Severus swears, more feverently than ever, that he will kill James Potter and dear Sirius as their fued mounts. I have, of course, given him my blessing.

Lucius assures me I achieved brillant marks on my OWLs. He says even he marvels at my talents, and I should have blown the judges away.

His confidence in my abilities surpasses even my own heightened concept of my magical skill.

He makes me feel special, I suppose. I would not be half of the witch I am without him, but I am too embarassed to tell him such a thing. Giving out compliments are not a strong suit of mine. I avoid it at all costs.

Love,

Bella

June 1st

Dear Diary,

It all began on a blissful June morning, the morning we were to depart from Hogwarts by train. The sun glittered beautifully against the lake outside the magical castle. I bid my farewell to its iron entrance hall gates for the summer and turned away.

The main event of our grand exit from another year at Hogwarts occured on the Hogwarts Express.

"Azkaban," Sirius began as he threw open the door to the compartment shared by Lucius, Severus, Lestrange, and Dolohov, "What are your opinions about it?"

"Not exactly an ideal location for a summer holiday," I replied casually. He was flanked by his three cronies: Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I have a feeling you'll be spending a lot of time there," He smirked, "Unless you're all talk and no action. Maybe this Death Eater Youth is just a game, but you don't have what it takes to play with the big boys. Good old Voldemort might demand more of you than you have to give-"

"DONT SPEAK HIS NAME" I shouted, as Lucius held my arm gently to calm me down, "How dare you!"

"Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort!" James and Sirius yelled in unison

"You are not worthy to speak his name!" I cried, my anger reaching dangerous heights.

"Well, you're not worthy to walk on the same ground as decent witches and wizards, but there you go." Sirius sneered coldly.

It all happened in a flash of bright light-

I made Sirius unable to stand with a well placed jelly legs cursed, and James fired a tickling hex on me, that I dodged, but caught Lucius. Infuriated, Lucius retaliated with a curse that makes their enemy vomit slugs for an hour which James ducked, it caught Pettigrew, however, full in his fat face. His eyes, normally watery, spilled over with tears as he choked slugs onto the floor beneath him, gagging on them as they kept falling from his thin lips.

Lucius, Severus, Dolohov and I couldnt contain our laughter (especially Lucius under the tickling curse), but in the midst of our mirth, I was struck with the disarming jinx. I was thrown, with force, against the train windows. Hitting my ahead against the cold glass nearly rendered me unconcious, but I managed to scramble to find my wand, though feeling slightly disoriented. I noticed, through my dizzyness that there was a crowd gathering to watch the duel in progress

"Accio glasses!" I said, and James tried to grab for them, but too late. I clutched his glasses tightly in my hand, and threw them against the floor I had just crawled up from. I stepped on their remains and cursed them so they could not be magically repaired.

"How many fingers am I holding up Jamesy?" I taunted, holding my middle finger several inches away from his face

"You fucking bitch!" His temper was out of control, Sirius restrained him from punching me in the face, or the vauge outline of my face that he could distinguish through his cloudy vision

"Resorting to muggle dueling?" I laughed heartily, "Are you that poor as a wizard, Jamesy darling?"

Lucius had reversed the tickling jinx and resumed the battle with severus by his side. There was another flash of light and Sirius had made slugs spill out of Severus' mouth as they were from Pettigrew's slimy and trembling lips. Pettigrew was pushed further back into the crowd now, Lupin tended to him cautiously. James had retreated into the mass of other students as well and was talking in hushed whispers with Ted Tonks and Fabian Prewett. The three boys joined Sirius together.

"You think you're better than everyone, Black, Don't you?" Tonks demanded, chuckling

"Better than you, certainly" I smiled innocently, "You're a mudblood."

"Don't call her Black." Sirius said darkly, "I don't want to be associated with her as my cousin. She sickens me."

"The feelings are reciprocated, Sirius." I snapped angrily.

From The corner of our comparment where Severus was vomitting slugs, he emitted a curse from the end of his wand that hit Sirius who immediatly began sprouting turnips from his ears. In response, Sirius fired the impediment jinx on Severus and when he hit the back of the compartment, slugs spewed out of his mouth, covering Dolohov and Lucius who were closest to him. The Gryffindors and onlookers burst into laughter that time, which only fuelled Lucius more. He hit Ted Tonks with a stunning jinx and his face became swollen and hideous.

"Its an improvement, actually" I snickered at his deformed visage.

"If our looks reflected how good of a person we are, you'd be ugliest witch in Europe, Bellatrix." Fabian retorted, with malice, "I'd rather kiss a dementor than you."

"The Dementors kiss steals your soul." Dolohov informed him, rolling his eyes.

"So thats what happened to Lucius and Bella?" Sirius chuckeled, though with turnips sprouting from his ears I wasnt sure he was in the position to laugh at nyone else at all.

I didn't wait for more pleasantries to be exchanged, but rather took advantage of the momentary break in viligance and conjured a wand I flung into Fabians face. Screams echoed all around, as the spider, the size of a tennis ball, crawled over Fabian's mouth and nose, its pinchers clicking menacingly. James vanished it at once, and both boys rounded on me

"Horrible girl," Fabian seethed, "Twisted, death eater, bitch, cow, monster."

"You're such a sweet talker." I smirked

"Accio hogwarts uniform!" He called, smiling brutally as the same summoning charm I had used to strip him in charms class was used on me in the train compartment surrounded by laughing onlookers. Exposed in nothing more than knickers, shoes, and a bra, I screamed and flung my arms over my chest. Lucius stepped in front of me, scowling at the laughing audience, while Fabian was bent double over, in hysterics Lucius hexed him with a curse that removed all his hair, his eyebrows and eyelashes included

"Doesn't undo the fact we've seen your girlfriend without her clothing, Malfoy" Fabian laughed, "Are you pulling her mate?"

"And Gryffindors are supposed to be noble?" Lucius sneered, "Hypocritical scum!"

"I respect those who are worthy of it." Fabian replied coldly, seemingly unphased by the removal of his hair, "And a future Death Eater whore with her nose stuck so high in the air, its a wonder she can see where she's going, is certainly not going to get even a fragment of respect from me! She thinks being born a pureblood entitles her to everything? I'm a pureblood, but I'm not a deluded, ignorant cunt like you, and her, and your Death Eater Youth clan. You'll all get whats coming to you, mark my words"

But he was cut off when Lucius cursed all his skin purple. He growled, furiously, and cursed Lucius' hands to grow three times their usual size, and he clumisty dropped his wand. As he bent down to retrieve it, Dolohov tossed me his cloak which I wrapped around myself, blushing furiously, but stepped forward again, glaring at Sirius, James, Ted, and Fabian.

"Want to mess with us some more, little girl?" Fabian laughed darkly as Lucius failed to pick up his arm with his ballooned fingers.

"You're sick!" I spat in his face- his purple and hairless face.

"Thats a bit rich coming from YOU, isnt it?" Sirius laughed.

"And YOU," I rounded on my younger cousin immediatly, "You blood traitoring filth! I hope you die!"

"Control yourself, Bella" Sirius warned, "You dont wanna get cursed again and have to hide behind your Death Eater boyfriend."

Severus, through spewing slugs onto the floor of the compartment was desperatly trying to find a counter curse for Lucius useless and oversized hands. Realizing I was without help failed to phase me. I was too angry by that time. I clung the cloak closer, making sure it covered me completely as I raised my wand on Sirius and hit him with a continues tripping curse. He fell to the ground, and each time he attempted to struggle to his feet, he'd immediatly fall again, even with the help of both James and Ted.

"Accio cloak!" James shouted, and once again I was without proper clothing. I didn't hide this time, however, I stood before them, daring them to speak.

"Fuck you." I replied simply, smiling kindly at James, Ted, Sirius, and Fabian.

"No, fuck YOU, Bellatrix." James answered furiously

"I'll fuck you, 'Bella'." Fabian sneered, "I'm gonna spellotape your mouth shut first though."

"She's my cousin, for fucks sake" Sirius cringed, and I raised my wand in a moment of uncontrolled fury, and before I knew it Fabian was stunned, laying motionless on the floor.

"Bitch!" James fired a curse at me that missed by inches and exploded the window of the train compartment. The scene was growing into a riot. More curses were throw, the compartment seats were torn up, Lily Evans pushed through the crowds to aid Severus and several other girls screamed as when Fabian was reawakened by Sirius he tried to curse me out the broken train window. James and Lucius, who had one hand of normal size, and one still three times too big, fell to the floor that was littered with broken glass and began to duel in a muggle fashion, their fists flying, while their wands rolled under one of the seats.

"STOP IT!" Professor Slughorn, and McGonall had finally noticed the commotion in the back of the train. They took us all to the front compartments and forced us to sit at a table in a rather large compartment, while Flitwick mended the broken window. They returned Fabian's hair and natural skin color, along with the other counter jinxes needed for the rest of us. I was returned my uniform which I put on as quickly as possible, feeling both vunerable and humilated without it.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" McGonagall demanded, "DUELLING ON THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS? I NEVER! WHAT STARTED THIS?"

"I can't remember" Sirius replied flatly, "Its been going on for too long."

"When you return next year- you Bellatrix and Sirius, James, Fabian, Ted, Lucius, Severus, Dolohov, Pettigrew, all of you are faced with detentions together for a month! Whatever you are battling over will be resolved during these detentions. I will see no more of this behavoir from any of you while you're my students! You'll remain here for the rest of the trip, in the company of myself and the other staff, and you will not speak. I will be informing your parents of your actions when we arrive at the Kings Cross Station."

My mother was irate at first, but once I explained by side of it (Mudbloods told me they were better than purebloods, they stole my uniform, and hexed us first) she said she was proud of her brave and beautiful daughter for defending herself.

Sirius, however, didn't go home. He was disowned, ran off. Who knows where he's gone? And who, in this family, cares?

Andy and now Sirius.

My family is falling to peices. Shattered like the window in ym train compartment. How can they be so misguided? How can we share the same blood when I have such clarity and they are trapped in some disillusional world? I don't understand it.

I understand ambition, and power, and success, and the Dark Lord, and pureblood superiority. and I understand love. For I love Lucius.

and I love the Death Eater Youth

and I love the Dark Lord

and I love the feeling that victory brings with it. The happiness that radiates so beautifully from success.

I wonder if I came off worse in the duel. My memories and feelings are so confused and tainted.

Sometimes, and I must accept this, there is no winner or loser.

Sometimes battles are fought with no rewards.

Sometimes battles are losses for both opposing sides.

What a way to begin the summer, dear diary.

I wonder what else these sunny days hold in store for me.

And the tales will never mend,  
'Cause you had it in for me so long ago.  
Boy, I still don't know,  
I don't know why and I don't care,  
You don't hide me anymore,  
If you'd only seen yourself hating me.  
Hating me,  
When I've been so much more than fair.  
But then you had to lay those feelings bare,  
One thing I know still got you scared,  
You're all that cold iron,  
And never once aired of our dead.

Love,

Bella


	6. And Then The Rain Came

June 22nd.

Dear Diary,

I am 16. One more year.

one more year until I can marry Lucius

one more year until I can join the Dark Lord

one more year.

Love,

Bella.

July 12th.

Dear Diary,

Home no longer feels like home to me. They say home is where the heart is, and my heart resides with Lucius, with the Dark Lord, with the Death Eater Youth. Can one have three homes? Three homes which are not homes at all? Can my heart split itself into threes?

I am going mad in this house, I have not seen Lucius or anyone but mother, father, and Cissy in nearly a week. Cissy is positively useless. She reads, sends owls, goes on strolls around the garden discussing the silliest possible topics. Yesterday evening after dinner I agreed to go for a walk with her, out of sheer boredom. We get halfway around the enchanted rose garden, sparkling in the fading sun, and dancing to an untracable breeze without her speaking a single word.

"If you didn't want to chat, why did you request company?" I asked her curtly.

"I find I can enjoy one's company without constant jabbering, but if you do not feel the same, I'm happy to engage you in some conversation, dear sister." She replied politely, stopping to waft the sweet aroma of the roses.

"Stopping to smell the roses, are we?" I sniggered at her, though drew closer to the beautiful flower bed as well, the breeze carrying the sweet scent of summer flowers to my nose.

"Indeed," She said shortly, enjoying the roses thoroughly before speaking again, "I always think of you like a rose, cliche as it sounds. You, with all your beauty, you with all your thorns."

I stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. She smiled back and began walking again, holding her head high with all her long hair falling behind her, swaying lightly as she walked around the corner. I hurried after her, stunned and awkward.

"Do you miss Andy?" She asked me as I caught up with her around the bend of the rose's bed.

"Andy? ANDY?" I laughed without any mirth, "The Andy who betrayed us all? The Andy who married mudblood filth, destroying our name, our purity, our family? No, I do not miss that blood traitoring scum!"

"Not THAT Andy, Bella." Cissy sighed heavily, "The Andy who you spent hours spilling your heart out to. The Andy who you told all about your first kiss, your first year at Hogwarts, your first hex when you were 6. The Andy who held your hand that day when you were 8 and you cried and cried because you accidently cursed your hair off. The Andy who we grew up with, the Andy who made you tea when you were upset, the Andy who we spent many a summer out in this garden with, the Andy we loved."

"She's a blood traitor, she's as good as dead." I retorted cooley.

"Why can't you feel anything but anger?" She demanded, frustrated I refused to indulge in her nostalgia.

"I can, I just choose not to share every single emotion with you." I snapped back, biting my bottom lip in aggrivation, "Since when have you become Mrs. Feelings anyway? What is wirh the sudden interest in examining our emotions, reveling in memories? Its a waste of time, simply a waste."

"I'd like to have about 4 children." She said dreamily, her eyes following a butterfly hovering a few inches from the tip of her nose, "I'd like to be a mother, a good mother, not like ours. I'd like to know my children, to protect them. I think I'll name the boys Draco and Scorpius."

I simply stared at her, unsure of how to respond and mentally writing myself a note never to take a stroll with Cissy again. She continued as though she had not noticed my discomfort or lack of response.

"And I would like to name the girls Trixie and Dromeda, after the two of you, you and Andy." She grinned at me, expecting some sort of reaction, but I simply stared back at her, completely off balance as we walked the paths around our gardens, "Don't you like the names, Bella? Aren't they perfect?"

"They're... um, well they're great, Cis." I stuttered uncertainly, "But why the sudden interest in becoming mummy dearest? What about your life?"

"I want my children to be my life." She shrugged.

"I don't understand you, sometimes." I looked at her from the corners of my dark eyes, "But as long as its a pureblood, the man you marry, I support you."

"Don't you want children one day?" She asked softly, rounding another corner, strolling aimlessly towards a bed of poisonus flowers, which I steered her away from, "Children of your own?"

"I don't know, Cissy," I paused as we passed a safer bed of bright orange and shocking pink flowers that were nearly my height, with petals the size of quaffles. I looked back at her, "Its not really in my plans yet. Maybe though, after I do... other things."

"Other things?" She smirked, knowingly, "Other things like the Death Eaters?"

"Well... okay fine, yes." I replied in a whisper, "But don't go advertising it."

"Bella, I hate to break this to you, but you're in the Death Eater Youth, your plans are no secret to anyone at Hogwarts." She laughed, her footsteps in line with my own, echoing softly on the cobblestone.

"They're a secret to mum and dad," I said, lowering my voice even further as we neared the back door of the house, our stroll drawing to a conclusion, "I am supposed to marry well, have children and that's it. I'm not supposed to be... to be a... a...-"

"Warrior?" Cissy offered brightly.

"YES!" I grinned, "I was going to say murderer, but I prefer warrior by a wide margin. Yes Cissy, I am not supposed to be a warrior."

"I certainly won't be the one to tell them their oldest, smartest, prettiest little daughter is going to go join the Dark Lord and get herself killed, you can do that."

"Get myself killed?" I looked at her, disgusted by her lack of faith in the Dark Lord, "Listen Cissy, I am not signing up for a death sentence, I am signing up for glory!"

"If you say so, Bella." She shrugged as we entered our house. I stormed passed her, ascended the sprial staircase and collapsed in my room, seething with the memories of our conversation.

I wish I had someone to talk to about all this, someone besides Lucius, who really cannot be bothered with tiresome details of sisterly conversations. Sometimes, dear diary, I feel very alone.

Love,

Bella

August 16th

Dear Diary,

Lucius and I have spent most of the summer in each other's company. Often times along with Severus or Lestrange, the two closest confidents of Lucius. I don't mind them, or their companionship. They are well breed, well read, and a bit of a laugh when Lucius is always so serious.

We spend the hours absorbed in reading, discussing our futures and the progress of the Dark Lord, or Lucius and I excuse ourselves from the others for time to be intimate. His kisses range from soft and sweet to passionatly agressive. I do love him.

I cannot wait until we are reunited with Hogwarts and the rest of the Death Eater Youth. It feels very strange to be so seperated.

And furthermore, when I am away from Lucius, I often feel as though I am away from myself. I caught myself almost having a conversation, an actual conversation with my house elf the other day when I hadn't seen Lucius, Sev, or Lestrange in a couple days. I will never admit that to a single soul, but you have no soul, dear diary, except that which I pour into you. And seeing as the consensus about my soul is negative, I'm not sure I am pouring anything into these pages.

I must try and read more of our hexing book, its quite useful. I'm going to mark some more hexes to practice at Hogwarts this year, for the Death Eater Youth, its something to keep my mind focused on the things that are important.

Love,

Bella

September 15th

Dear Diary,

Remember the incident last year on the Hogwarts express that resulted in group detentions for myself, Sirius, James, Fabian, Ted, Lucius, Severus, Dolohov, and Pettigrew?

I faced the first of this series this evening. Or I suppose it was yesterday evening now that it is 1am.

What awful task did McGonagall set in store for us? WE HAD TO GO INTO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST WITH THAT INCOMPETANT GAMEKEEPER HAGRID!

I had to watch, with complete and utter disgust, as the disgusting half-giant game keeper fawned over James Potter "Quiddich Star" for 3 hours as we ventured deeper and deeper into the black uncertainly of the forbidden forest.

Within the first 20 minutes Fabian had already tripped me. I landed without grace, nearly hitting my head against the nearest tree. Hagrid was too busy conversing with Potter about how he caught the snitch in the quiddich final the previous spring. The rest of us were left to fend for ourselves, trailing behind them, battling the various branches, bugs, and jumping the over grown roots that lined the forest floor, the roots Fabian had used to push me into.

"Watch it, Prewett, or I'll give you a taste of your future at the mercy of the Death Eaters." I whispered when I had regained my balance.

"Fuck off, Black." He laughed, as we continued on, the night and the darkness pressing against our feeble wand lights. Lucius shot Fabian a glare, but Sirius interjected before he could speak.

"Don't refer to her as a Black, Fab." Sirius scowled, "I cannot bear to be reminded of our shared lineage."

"As if you're worthy of being called a Black!" I hissed to my blood-traitor cousin, "You're a disgrace! Your poor mother and father, having a rotten traitorus scumbag git as their child!"

"Better than the fate of your parents, having a souless, conniving, Death Eating, cow of a daughter." Sirius shot back.

"As if you're fit to judge anyone, Black," Severus glared at Sirius, stepping in his stride so they walked beside each other along the overgrown 'path' Hagrid was leading us along. "If you were my son, I'd have given you away to muggles, as a favor to the entire wizarding world."

"Where'd you get that idea from, Snivellus?" Sirius sneered, "Is that what your mummy tried to do after she saw what you looked like?"

"No, Sev!" Dolohov said quickly, grabbing Severus' wrist as he reached for his wand, "He's not worth anymore detentions than we've already been assigned."

"What are we doing in the forest, exactly?" Lucius piped up suddenly, addressing Hagrid who turned around in surprise at the question.

"O' I'm takin' you all to collect some spider webs from my mate Aragog, innit?" He replied curtly, turning back to his conversation with Potter.

"Collecting spider webs?" Lucius looked appalled, "In the forbidden forest? This is absurd. What are they even for?"

"Potions, Malfoy!" Hagrid barked without turning around again, "Now quit yer whinin' and keep walkin'. Its a bit further at the mo' but we'll get there."

"Get WHERE?" Lucius demanded, "Where are these spider webs?"

"Further on." Hagrid replied, his voice etched with aggrivation, as we continued to walk. The moon could not penetrate the blanket of tree branches and leaves above us and, despite my best attempts to feel only annoyed, fear began to bubble inside me the deeper we ventured into the forest.

"Is little Bellatrix scared?" Fabian taunted cruelly about 30 minutes into the woods, "I hear there are vampires in here, but who wants your blood? Its polluted."

"With what exactly?" I raised my eye brows, prepared to remind him I was a pureblood.

"Essence of insanity." He replied, met my chuckles from Pettigrew, Potter, Ted, and Sirius.

"I cannnot stand these fools," Lucius whispered to Sev, Dolohov, and I as their laughter died down, "Soon, very soon, we'll do away with them and be by the side of the Dark Lord."

"Something you wanna say, Malfoy?" Potter asked, smirking, his features dark and distorted in the wand light.

"Not to you, Potter." Lucius replied coldly, tossing his blond hair from his face.

"Ah, here we go!" Hagrid exclaimed suddenly, pointing through the bramble of trees to a clearly where about a dozen of the largest spiders I had ever layed eyes on rested peacefully, their eight eyes closed in slumber. They were acromontulus, the dangerous, poisonus breed of giant spiders, spiders the size of small bedrooms. All of us, Slytherins and Gryffindors, regarded these creatures with horror, our eyes fixated on the hideous terrible creatures sleeping before us.

"Can we feed them Bellatrix, Snivellus, Malfoy, and Dolohov while we're here?" Sirius asked Hagrid hopefully.

"Now now, we're not here for feedin' them!" Hagrid laughed softly, "We're just here to collect some o' the cobwebs we see 'round this area! Like beside Ted there, a little closer to the clearing, there's a giant cobweb! We grab some o' those and head back up to the school."

The act of collecting the cobwebs of giant spiders is both disgusting and unnerving, however we completed our task without waking the beasts and we're on our way back to school in little over 20 minutes. The walk back was quiet though the night air was filled with tension and insults unspoken but dancing on the tips of our tongues. By the time the castle was in view it had began to rain, and Hagrid sprinted to his hut to save the cob webs, instructing us all to make our way across the grounds and return immediatly to our dorms.

As-fucking-if. We had been waiting to face each other without supervision since we met at the entrance hall and hour and a half previously, our eyes had already been narrowed in pronounced hatred.

We moved slowly towards the castle in silence, but as the rain fell steadily, growing in its intensity so did all of our anger towards each other and finally-

"Ow!" James fell into the mud, with a well placed tripping curse from Lucius who sniggered beside Sev, Dolohov and I.

"That was quite unnessacary!" Ted exclaimed, helping James to his feet. Potter was splattered with mud down his front, and merely spread it on his face as he attempted to straighten his hair and glasses, "Can we try and act civil? Try, being the operative word, I'm sure."

"Why would we try and do that?" I sneered, "As if you deserve even the facade of an effort, you lousy, disgusting mudblood?"

As on the train, the next few events all happened in rapid succession. Snape hexed Potter into a full body bind, submerging him once more into the mud, which resulted in Fabian hitting Sev with a dancing curse and as he danced his way around the group of us in the pouring rain he still managed to curse sirius' school uniform into a bright pink and very frilly dress. Lucius, Dolohov and I roared with laughter before Sirius hit hung Severus upside down by the ankles, his robes falling over his head. Lucius responded expidiatly with a well aimed jelly-legs curse to Sirius who fired back with a curse that turned his nose into a pumpkin. Weigh down by his new nose, Lucius fell into the mud, which renewed cheers from the Gryffindors.

"Stop!" Ted tried to shout as his laughter subsided, "This is crazy!"

"Its perfectly reasonable if you ask me!" Fabain shouted back as Sanpe hung desperatly in mid air and Dolohov tried to fix Lucius' nose, "Look at the scum we're fighting! We should get rewards for cursing these disgraces to the wizarding world, not detentions!"

"You think you're so special, don't you Prewett?" I asked him, disgusted, "You're oh so noble, huh? You and your little mudblood friend are always the innocent ones who are defending themselves against the big bad Slytherins?"

"You're not so big and bad, Bellatrix, you're pathetic!" He cried in mounting frustration, "You're some stupid tart who thinks she's all high and mighty because Lucius Malfoy is boning her and lets her watch all the little kid Death Eater meetings! Here's some news for you, you daft cow, there are NO female Death Eaters! Not a single one reported! And Lucius Malfoy is a nasty little berk who might be rich and pureblood but no one honestly cares if you're the slut he's screwing, or if he lets you think you're going to be a part of this Death Eater nonsense! They're using you, you're their plaything! No one takes you seriously, Bellatrix! No one!"

"YOU WILL! YOU ALL WILL IF YOU DON'T NOW! JUST WAIT, YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT I CAN DO!" I was crying, I could feel my eyes burn, but the tears blended with the rain, it was all blurring together then, "YOU'RE THE PATHETIC ONE! YOU'RE SO BLIND YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR ERRORS, YOUR ARROGANCE, THE TRUTH THAT THIS WORLD IS COMING TOGETHER IN THE HANDS OF THE DARK LORD AND THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO FUCK WITH HIS FOLLOWERS, HIS FUTURE DEATH EATERS, THE PEOPLE WHO WILL KILL YOU, FABIAN PREWETT, YOU WILL DIE BY OUR HANDS!"

"Shut the fuck up, Bellatrix, and get the fuck in the castle, you're pathetic, you're simply pathetic!" Fabain yelled back, over the wind and the rain, "Get the fuck out of my sight!"

"FUCK YOU!" I shouted, irate beyond measure, and I raised my wand. We had been practicing a lot of dark hexes, but the one that came to mind was an invention of Severus, and it sliced a gash across Fabian's chest and his blood mixed sickeningly with the rain, "Hows that, you peice of scum? Who is pathetic now? Are you taking me seriously yet, you bloody git?"

Potter and Sirius managed to close the cut, though Fabian was pale and sickly looking, shocked at the amount of blood that had poured from his chest. Lucius' nose was no longer a pumpkin, and her pulled me closer to him immediatly, eyeing them wearily.

"Gonna take this to McGonagall?" Lucius demanded, "Are you Gryffindors going to be cowards?"

"Oh no," Fabian shook his pale head, his dark hair clinging to his face in the rain, "We'll get you all back with something much worse that more detentions, Malfoy."

"I'm very frightened." Severus smirked at them, his long greasy hair lanky and hanging around his face as continued to speak, "You all cannot do anything, we're future Death Eaters for fucks sake! You can't hurt us! I'd like to see you try!"

"Oh you will see it, you will," Fabian said darkly, "And as for you, Bellatrix? Its going to take a lot more than that for me to take some insane tart seriously. Control your little girl, Malfoy, she'll get hurt playing with the big boys."

"You seem to be the one hurt, Prewett." Malfoy answered back, his words entirely made of ice, "Now lets get the fuck inside, I'm freezing half to death in this bloody flood."

We left the muddy rain splattered grounds without another word. Now here I am, in my dorm soaking wet, and completely awake though the minutes are ticking away and I have class early tomorrow.

I know McGonagall is trying to bring us closer, but the closer we get to these Gryffindors the further apart we all become.

I hate them, my dear diary, I hate them. I wish they'd die. I wish they'd just die.

And I wish that as they lay dying, they saw me and knew I was their killer, knew I was their conqueror. I'd like my smile to be the last thing they see. Lucius tells me not to get too angry, not to let my passion get the best of me. But who is he to talk?

we're all ruled by our passions and mine are building. They'll break one day, and one day soon. Next detention is next Friday night. I have a feeling that may be the day.

Love,

Bella


	7. Going in Circles

September 21st

Dear Diary,

It is the first day of autumn. I noticed an orange tinge to the leaves of the grounds, and a chill developing in the wind that tosses my hair about my face on my way to the vegetable patches for Herbology, or past the glistening lake towards the care for magical creatures lessons. And it seems with this change of the season, great things are in the making. The Dark Lord is developing more followers, his campaign is coming together quite nicely, Lucius tells me his father has reported only good news about the Dark Lord's quest. I wonder about the day I finally meet this amazing wizard. I wonder what I shall say, how I shall act... what he shall say to me. I fantasize about it day and night, through history of magic, on the way to the Great Hall for dinner, as a lay awake in my bed, my eyes fixated upon the ceiling while my mid strays to that day, that day when we finally meet. I've seen his picture in the daily prophet, and though I must admit it sounds rather trivial compared to his accomplishments, but ontop of everything else he happens to be very handsome... I hope I don't sound like a foolish girl, but he really is. I wonder, when we meet, how he shall look at me... if the looks he blesses me with will carry any interest?

However, before that fateful day arrives, and arrive it surely shall, I have the Death Eater Youth. Our first big meeting of the year is to be held Saturday night, for tomorrow Lucius, Dolohov, Sev, and I have our weekly Friday night detention, and if last Friday was any sample of how the next few will pan out, I'm most certainly dreading the experience.

One day, Fabian will not be able to say he does not take me seriously, for he will be at my mercy. All his taunts, all his screams through rainy Friday nights, and all his hexes will mean NOTHING and I will destroy him. He will never make me feel so... small... again. never, I swear on Merlin's grave.

Now, I must be off to sleep, for it is in dreams I can find solace in my restless state.

Love,

Bella

September 24th

Dear Diary,

Sometimes when I have a lot to say, I find myself unsure of where to start, for the beginning is so tedious, but I will force myself to commence at the commencement and detail my account of the weekend. Here it is, diary, unabridged and uncensored, the life I lead...

Friday night was our newly imposed weekly detention, the second of the series. This week's activities involved cleaning one of the oldest dungeon classrooms that had been out of use for 45 years. Filch had suggested the idea brightly to McGonagall who thought it would be a great exercise in team work, we would all have to pitch in to undo the decades of decay the room had suffered through. We were forbidden to use magic, Filch even took our wands to ensure that we would be rendered to the inescapable fate of muggle cleaning.

Filch watched us scrub, dust, and swear under our breath for a mere 30 minutes before departing, instructing us to pick our wands up at his office after the room was suitably cleansed of the 45 years of filth it had accumulated. I compared cleaning the filth from this room to purifying the filth from the wizarding race, and i found myself smirking as the door shut behind Filch. With his departure, the atmosphere in the room shifted, it was us alone again, us together, us against one another and forcibly united into a muggle cleaning spree. It was almost comical, I thought to myself, almost.

"This is disgusting" Sirius grumbled moodily as he found a dead rats body and threw it into the trash can behind him.

"What is?" Severus sneered, "Your reflection in the mirror? Didn't know you could see yourself so clearly."

"Funny, Snivellus," Potter rolled his eyes, "You must be mistaking his appearence with yours. Have you seen your nose? Your hair? The color of your skin? Its enough to make anyone sick. Its more revoluting than this awful old classroom."

"Does anyone know what they used to teach in here?" Ted asked curiously, in a blatant effort to avoid open hostilities, his eyes combing the dimly lit dungeon and its heaps of rubbish and dust for some sort of clue.

"Yes, it used to be used for defense against the Dark Arts," James said brightly, "I found an old textbook over here in this corner for Defenses, so that must be it. I bet McGonagall sent us here to try and unite us over more than cleaning. She thinks we're all going to find a classroom about fighting evil a great inspiration to uniting together against dark magic everywhere. She forgets, you see, that we're among future Death Eaters."

"I take that as a compliment, Potter, that you call us Death Eaters." Lucius said coldly, "And if that was McGonagall's plan you are indeed correct about her errors in judgement, she is a fool."

"A fool for not thinking you're an evil son-of-a-bitch?" Fabian laughed cruelly, "I agree with you there, Malfoy. If she cannot see you and your little cronies are nothing more than slimy evil specks of dirt, she is a bit of a fool."

"I heard about your father, Prewett," Lucius said cooly, and I looked up, curiously at the two boys. Fabian's smile fell from his face and his eyes narrowed into little more than slits, "I heard he was killed last year... by a Death Eater. That's why you're so angry, isn't it? I have to say, I'm rather happy he was killed... any relative of yours couldn't have been anything other than trash."

"Watch your bloody mouth, Malfoy, or I'll curse you into oblivion." He said darkly, abadoning the desk he had been polishing clean of dust, and standing as tall as he possibly could.

"I'd like to see you try when Filch has our wands," Lucius sneered, "Maybe you would like to resort to muggle duelling? We're muggle-cleaning after all, it is only fitting. Besides, I'm sure your mudblood friend there could give you some pointers, he knows all about muggle fighting, don't you mudblood?"

"Sure I do," Ted replied casually as he swept the back of the room quietly, though he paused he did not look up at Lucius as he replied, "And my name is Ted Tonks, feel free to call me that instead of 'mudblood'. I mean, I know you're a Slytherin, but thats no excuse for such terrible manners, really."

"You'd be hard pressed to find a Slytherin with any manners at all" James chimed in with a heavy sigh, "The lot of them, they're sickening wastes of wands."

"Cheers to that!" Fabian beamed at Potter. and Pettigrew greeted his words with applause.

"Oh shut up, as if Gryffindors can offer anything to the wizarding world?" I snapped, my patience finally breaking, "You're all pathetic, arrogent, obnoxious, hiding behind some pretense of nobility and bravery, but you're cowards and you're going to die very, very young."

"She speaks at last!" Fabian cried out, laughing, "I thought you'd forgotten to be an annoying cow, I guess you remembered in the end."

"Watch yourself or your mummy is next to die," Lucius smirked and in an instant Fabian lunged towards him, but missed and began coughing in the dust as he lay on the floor.

"We have a room to clean." Ted sighed, helping Fabian to his feet, "Come on, lets just get this done."

We worked for two more hours without arguements, but when the room seemed reasonably free of dust, the bickering erupted again. It wasn't even a particularly offensive insult, Sirius remarked on Severus' bad breath, and next thing you know they're rolling on the floor, trying to strangle each other. And with that, Potter and Fabian attacked Lucius to more applause from Pettigrew as Dolohov, Ted, and I rush to break up the fight Fabian pulls my hair.

"Don't hit a lady!" Ted reprimanded him, shocked as Fabian pushed me to the newly swept dungeon floor. I fell, startled at his feet, looking up at him with pure loathing etched into every inch of my face. I was shaking too much to stand as I glared up at him, and he smirked down at me.

"A lady?" Fabian looked over his shoulder as he kicked me in the stomach, "She's far from a 'lady'."

I rolled over, doubling-up in shock and pain, my eyes closed for a moment before they shot open, fresh hatred shining from their depths.

"Whatever, she's a girl, don't attack her." Ted said tentatively, but his words when unnoticed as I grabbed Fabian's leg and tripped him so he hit his head with a resounding slam on the hard stone floor.

"You bitch!" He shouted, and grabbed me by the throat. His eyes met mine for the first time. His eyes were blue and they peirced me a little, bearing into mine with shocking intensity, "You nasty cow, I hate you."

"I reciprocate that sentiment," I choked as his grip tightened, the room grew quiet as the boys watched us, eyeing us with shock and horror as his hand slowly slackened and strengthened his hold on my neck.

"When you die, Bellatrix Black, I hope the last thing you see is my smile."

"Funny," I whispered, my voice constricted by his grasp, "I hope my smile is the last thing you see, before I kill you."

"You're going to kill me, are you?" He sniggered, his spit splattering my face as he laughed, "Little Bellatrix is going to kill me?"

"Yes," I hissed, inbetween gasps for air, "And before you die, you'll look in my eyes and know its coming, and you'll know I'm the one taking life away from you."

"You're not a killer," He laughed coldly, "You're a little girl who has serious anger and insanity issues. Its probably from all that pureblood inbreeding."

He let me go and I fell to the floor, trying desperatly to catch my breath, grabbing my neck where his hands had just nearly crushed my wind pipe. I looked up at him, relieved as the oxygen began to flow once more through my veins and saw he was smiling at me, though it was more akin to a sneer.

"I'll prove you wrong." I said simply.

Without replying to me, he left the room flanked by the other Gryffindors who echanged slightly horrified looks. Lucius helped me to my feet and kissed me, passioantly, practically bruising my lips, "You're so brave." He whispered, then kissing my cheeks. I clung to him, slightly frightened from the incident.

It is the first and only time I will ever be at someone else's mercy.

So then we left the dungeon as well. So much for defense against the dark arts, more like defending ourselves from the so called "Noble wizards". I did not sleep well that night, I was in shock, I think, from the events of the evening.

He could have killed me, crushed me, and I was powerless to stop him. But it is the last time. I think I hate this Fabian Prewett more than I hate Potter, or Pettigrew, or that mudblood Tonks. I hate him more than I hate those traitors Andy and Sirius. And there is only one reason for such acute hatred- Fabian is the only person who has ever made me feel helpless or weak. For this, he will pay. Oh, he will pay. I intend to kill him, I really do.

I remember those days, those days of innocence when I was not sure if I could kill anyone, even if they did deserve it. Now I know, I can. Not only can I kill someone, but i WANT to. I want to kill him.

Needless to say I was more than pleased to have a Death Eater's youth meeting yesterday to give me the sense of purpose and accomplishment and an outlet for the rage that is nearly overwhelming me.

We met in the dungeon we had cleaned out, it was a spacious room with walls, and floors of stone. The desks were all pushes against the wall, and though we cleaned our best, dust was still a present feature of our new head quarters. Lucius and I perched ourselves atop the desk that stood before the classroom and our fellow Death Eater Youth members gathered on the floor, sitting before us anxious for the meeting to commence.

I was bored through most of the precedings, for Lucius was explaining the plans developed by the Dark Lord over the summer, that I had long since been aware of. I yawned openly as Lucius droned on until the portion of the meeting arrived where we began to make our own plans.

"So, next meeting we will be practicing curses, but what else?" Lucius paused as he addressed the group as a whole, scanning each eager face, searching for ideas behind their eyes that looked hollow in the dim candle lighting, "We must do whatever we can to make our presence and power known to all, as well as preparing ourselves for our lives beyond Hogwarts."

"First of all, what is Bellatrix Black doing here?" Evan Rosier demanded suddenly, "There's no such thing as a female death eater!"

"Crucio!" I shouted suddenly, without pausing, without thinking, without even breathing. He fell over, and let out a few short squeals of pain.

The room looked at me, shocked. It was, I assumed, the first time they had ever seen an unforgivable curse. Evan sat back up, shakily, staring at me with shock and horror in his dark eyes.

"I will be his most loyal servant yet." I said calmly, pocketing my wand, "And you will regret saying that. You think he wont accept me into his ranks because I'm a woman? Since when does having breasts disqualify me from servicing my lord?"

"It qualifies you for serving Lucius and not much else." Evan snapped back, and added quickly, "And if you crucio me again, I swear I don't care if Malfoy kills me I will crucio you back."

"I think I made my point the first time," I sneered, "Does anyone else question the validity of my presence here?"

No one moved or made a sound.

"Good," Lucius spoke again to the crowd, "Now, I was thinking we could play some pranks...On some Gryffindors... If you're all brave enough, pardon the pun."

and so we discussed our options for mild mayhem. and be certain dear diary, than mayhem shall ensue. and you shall hear every detail of it.

Now, time has made a fool of me. It is 2:35am, and I am still so far from sleep.

I must try to sleep though, I must embrace my pillow and lay down my quill.

sweet dreams, diary. I don't dream much anymore, for I don;t sleep enough to dream.

love,

Bella

October 9th

Dear Diary,

Remember how I mentioned pranks on Gryffindors?

We have began putting the carefully drawn plans we have concocted at our DEY (Death Eater Youth) meetings the past couple weeks into action. It is an astonishing thing, to see plans transform into actions, to see words become deeds, to see goals become reality. They are minor pranks, simply scare tactic to create an ambiance of instability around the castle, to let them know we're here and we're powerful and we're stronger than they could ever dream.

The first prank was detailed by Severus, though Dolohov was the one that took the action. It involved bewitching Potter's broomstick before the first match of the season. To our delight, it bucked him off its slender tail as soon as he soared past 10 feet, as the jinx intended. To our dismay, he was caught clumsily by Madam Hooch who happened to be standing close to where he fell, and Gryffindor still managed to win. It did not turn out exactly as we had hoped, but it certainly riled Potter up.

He confronted us about the incident in detention this past Friday. Both of the previous Fridays I had not had time to describe here were spent cooped up in McGonagall's transfiguration room writing lines that read "Four houses are united, four founders were friends, Slytherin and Gryffindor fall when divided"

"Could she have come up with a lengthier, more tedious, message?" Sirius grumbled two Friday's ago, our first night of line-writting.

"Doubt it, Padfoot," Potter sighed, and resigned to retrieving his quill from the depths of his school bag.

"No talking, today." McGonagall snapped, seated at her desk correcting essays from her OWL students, "Now get started, I want at least 200 lines from each of you tonight."

The most recent Friday, however, she simply took all our wands to her office, and informed us, as Filch had, that after we had written 300 lines of the same run on sentence, we may collect them from her. We settled in the desks in an uncomfortable silence. I seated myself between Severus and Lucius, with Dolohov to the right of Lucius. Two rows ahead of the desks we had chosen sat Pettigrew, Sirius, Potter, Ted, and Fabian, all muttering murderously under their breaths.

"Got something to say?" Dolohov demanded of them, his voice harsh and brusque.

"Yeah, we do," Potter turned around, furiously. His hazel eyes were narrowed in clear disdain for the four of us behind him, "Which one of you foul creatures hoodwinked my broom?"

"Now Potter," Lucius sneered quietly, "Why would we tell you that?"

"Because if you don't, I'm going to retaliate." He answered darkly, "And you don't want to envoke my wrath, even if you are planning on becoming best mates with Voldie-kins after Hogwa-"

"How DARE you!" I stood up, knocking my quill, the parchment, and the ink to the floor. The ink bottle cracked, leaking dark blue liquid on the stone floor, and certainly staining, but my mind was far from spilled ink, "Do not- I mean, how can you be so flippant? About the Dark Lord? The most powerful wizard-"

"Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard." Fabian snapped

"You are very much mistaken, Prewett." Lucius rolled his gray eyes and shook his head, shaking his light blond hair so that it fell about his face, framing his sharp features in a most flattering manner, "You see the Dark Lord is gaining strength and power every day, and your fool of a hero Dumbledore is merely gaining age spots."

"Dumbledore could CRUSH You-Know-You!" Fabian cried defiantly

"Then, by all means explain to me why hasn't he?" Severus inquired, his smile snide and his eyes glittering with a strange coldness.

"Shut up, Snivellus," Sirius barked, "He WILL, your mate moldy voldy's time is coming."

"Moldy voldy?" Potter lasped into laughter, while Dolohov, Sev, Lucius and I merely stared at them, disgusted.

"You're doing to be murdered in your bloody beds!" I exclaimed, torn between delight at their self destructive arrogance, and furious by their lack of respect for the Dark Lord, "You're so foolish, so moronic, its a wonder you're even in your 6th year! You're signing your own death sentences!"

"No, Bella," Sirius corrected me pointedly, "Thats you."

"Oh we'll see!" I retorted immediatly, my fury rising, I still remained the only one standing, bearing down upon the Gryffindors, "When the Dark Lord kills you all, we'll see!"

"Actually, if he kills us we won't infact be able to see." Potter smirked, earning appreciative chuckles from the others beside him.

"No Padfoot, Bella will bring us back to life just so we can see... and then she'll kill us again," Sirius grinned, the rest of the boys laughing a bit more.

"No Bella-!" Lucius tried to grab my robes before I ran forward, punching Sirius as hard as I could in his smirking face, and before I waited to see the damage, I punched him again, and again until I felt hands throwing me backwards. I bumped into Lucius who held me up by my shoulders to keep me from falling to the floor. I regained my balance and found pleasure in Sirius clutching his bleeding nose while Pettigrew practically sobbed and Potter tried to fuss over his wounded friend. Fabian sent me a look of pure loathing which I returned with a sweet smile playing about my lips which would have gladly cursed every hex I knew at the group of them, had I been in possession of my wand.

"For Merlin's sake, Bella, can you go five seconds without going completely mental?" Sirius growled, the blood still steadily flowing from his left nostril, "Really, is it that hard to not be insane?"

"I have to agree with Sirius here, Bellatrix, can't we go one detention without resorting to violence?" Tonks asked miserably, "This is not necessary, we're all coming of age soon, we should be more refined than this, not so reckless..."

"Oh shove it, mudblood," I said dismissively, "And as for YOU, dearest cousin, I dare say insanity is a genetic trait, it runs in the blood you see, and we share our blood."

"But nothing else." He shook his head, his voice surprisingly icy, "Go write your bloody lines, everyone, I'm bloody well sick of these stupid arguements, we go in circles."

"Because you refuse to concede your stupidity-" I began sharply before being rudely interupted,

"Sit down and shut the fuck up, Black." Fabian hissed, throwing himself down in his own chair, and writing his first lines with excessive pressure on his quill so that it snapped in half before it was fully written. Sirius passed him a spare one, and I shared ink with Lucius, seeing as mine was spilt on the ancient floor beneath us. We wrote quietly, but I noticed how hard the quills scratched agaisnt the paper, as though each of us was forcing the words on the parchment with the intent to case the parchment severe pain, pain we wished could be directed to a more logical source.

We each finished and left one-by-one, until it was Sirius and I left alone. Lucius had offered to wait, but I had bid him to go on, for we had business to settle and I was never one for putting off confrontation.

"Well, thats my 300 lines of utter bullshit." Sirius said at last, 20 minutes after my final line had been scrawled messily at the bottom of the sheet of parchment, "Now we can find out why in the name of Merlin's beard you waited for me seeing as I have NOTHING to say to the likes of you, Trix."

"DO NOT CALL ME TRIX!' I shouted, jumping once more from my seat.

"Yeah, whatever," He stretched as he stood, yawning widely as though my outburst had not happened, "'Dont call me Tix', 'Dont call the Dark Lord Moldy Voldy', you and your bloody names. What's in a name? Whats the big fuss with labels, Bella?"

"They define you." I said, taken aback at his question and his calm demeanor, "You are what you're called."

"No, cousin," He laughed darkly, "You are who you are, what you're called is merely who other people think you are."

"I don't want people thinking I'm 'trix'" I said irritably, "And anyway, who people think you are defines a huge portion of your life, and can modify or redefine who you truly are. Furthermore, what does it matter who you really are, if no one sees it? It is what other people percieve that matters, Sirius, you're such a fool."

"You're the fool, I can't even bother to argue that, its so insane." He was smiling with uneasy amusement, "You're crazy, Bella, bonkers, kooky, off your broomstick. I can't deal with you, I mean, its bad enough you have these nutty ideas, but you force them on everyone else and you just attack people if they don't agree, its positively insane. When did you lose all your enchanted marbles? Merlin, you belong in a close wing at St. Mungos."

"And you, Sirius, belong six feet under ground in an unmarked grave." I replied coldly, and turned to leave the room, my robes and long sleek hair swishing behind me as I headed purposefully towards the exit.

"Wait," He paused and I stopped, though did not turn to face him, "From now on, as far as I am concerned we are no longer related. You are no cousin of mine."

"You can't change your blood, Sirius, and you are such a waste of perfectly pure blood, you nasty traitor," I spat, still refusing to face him, and his accusing stare.

"Send me a post card from Azkaban, won't you?" He snickered to himself, "It'll give me a good laugh."

"Go to hell!" I stated cruelly as I began walking towards the door again. I pulled it open and had one foot into the desserted corridor, when the last words of the evening reached my ears,

"Go to hell?" He sounded openly amused, "I see your face everyday Bella, I'm sure I'm already there."

And with that, I left him alone in the transfirguration room with the dying candles and the spilled ink, and spilled blood, and harsh words. I fetched my wand from McGonagalls office and met Lucius, Dolohov, and Severus in the dungeon Slytherin common room where they had been huddled, waitinf for my arrival in a cold corner where the light of the many torches barely stretched. I detailed the arguement between Sirius and myself briefly and impatiently, demanding to know what they had been discussing before I entered.

"How to get to Fabian, thats the question we're debating." Dolohov explained, his voice in an urgent whisper, "Its what we'll be discussing at the next DEY meeting as well, so come prepared with ideas to fire away."

"Why Fabian now?" I asked, curiously, "Why not Potter, Sirius, Tonks, or Pettigrew, or whatever other trash they have in Gryffindor these days?"

"Because, he's tougher than they are." Severus shrugged, "We'll get to them all, undoubtably, but it will shake them all up if we can get to Fabian Prewett, it will show them we're not afriad of anyone."

"Didn't he get like 9 OWLs?" Dolohov asked curiously

"10, I think," Lucius said impatiently, "But thats why we need to get him. He wants to become an auror, can you believe anyon would want to fight the Death Eaters openly? He has a death wish, that one."

"Then we should grant his wish." I advised, smiling brightly in the shadows where we gathered.

"Thats the spirit, Bella, my belle." Lucius encouraged, "Now lets get a bit of sleep and we can continue this at the next meeting."

We stood up, yawning, and bleary eyed, heading for our seperate dorms. I fell onto my bed without even changing out of my day robes, and sleep embraced me swiftly.

The next meeting is this evening. I will update more as soon as possible, I have a feeling this year is just going to get better.

and by better for me, I mean worse for the Gryffindors.

Love,

Bella


	8. Operation FTF

A/N: long chapter lol, hope you enjoy.

please, for the life of me- REVIEW or I'll stop posting here because no one is reading :( and it hurts that I spend all this time and no one reads/likes it.

anyway, I hope you like this crazy long chappy.

October 31st

Dear Diary,

Historically, Halloween has always been a bit of a controversial and mischevious holiday. It is said that muggles take it so far to put on costumes and run from door to door demanding candy from their neighbors, but I'm not sure I believe that, it sounds too absurd, even for muggles. I mean, if it is true thats just one more peice of evidence that all muggles are insane and need to be under the control of wizard-kind. Why should we hide from candy-crazed nutters in costumes?

But I dare say, I'm finding my way off topic.

My point was merely that, due to the history of this odd holiday, it is no wonder that it unfolded the way it did. Happy Halloween?

I think this all started about a week and a half ago, at one of the DEY meetings. We were gathered in our usual dungeon, the one cleaned during one of my many tedious detentions. Lucius and I sat loftily atop the desk before the classroom of expectant faces. Lucius had called the meeting to order, his silver eyes glittering tantalizingly in the candle light as he spoke of the importance of humiliating, hurting, and frightening the one and only Fabian Prewett.

"... Therefore, his fear will be the fear of all those who admire this blood traitoring git, and that is why he is our main target. I now open the floor up to discussion on how best to get to a wizard like Prewett, for it will not be as simple as bewitching a broom stick."

"How about we posion the nasty son-of-a-muggle?" Avery cackled from the shadows of the back row.

"We can't KILL him. Avery." Lucius said, exasperated, "Or cause serious illness. Whatever action we take must not reflect poorly on us, or our image. We have our own futures and careers and we do not want suspensions, expulsions, or murder records on hand. Furthermore, we do not want to attract the attention of the administration, for I do not believe they would be... supportive, of our little underground organization as we have fashioned ourselves after the forces they oppose."

"Okay, nothing openly violent," Avery conceded, "But now I have no ideas."

"What about humilation?" Lestrange said slowly, his voice carefully thoughtful, "If we could damage his reputation, that would discredit Mr. Future Auror, as well as frighten him and his followers."

"I like where that's going," Lucius replied contemplatingly, "Humilation... Its a good start. But how? How can we humilate him to the point of causing fear? We need to get under his skin, really get to him, or its a waste of time, a petty school prank..."

"We have to think, really disconcern, what is really important to Fabian Prewett," Crouch Jr. spoke up suddenly, his eyes wide and nervous as he addressed Lucius and I from his seat on the far right of the second row, "In order to get under his skin, we need to know what matters to him, what we can do to hurt him and his precious public image. With Potter it was as simple as taking candy from a muggle, but with Prewett its a bit trickier. What does anyone know about him?"

"He's a traitoring, condescending, arrogant-" I began immediatly, before being cut across by Lucius shaking his head quickly.

"Junior means what do we know about his life, not his personality traits." He said, ceasing to shake his head, looking slightly lost in thought.

"Love." Severus muttered slowly from the first row where he sat proudly beside Lestrange and Dolohov.

"Pardon?" I laughed wildly, certain I had misunderstood. Love? What's love got to do with it?

"Love, Bellatrix Black, love!" He said impatiently, "Fools like Fabian Prewett, fools like Gryffindors are driven by LOVE. They would fight for it, kill for it... die for it."

"So we get to him through love?" I looked at him increduously, "How do you propose that? Going to try and seduce him, Severus?"

The room echoed with severul chortles at my words before Severus, smiling calmly, spoke again, "No, we have to get through him through those people he loves. If we can hurt them, or scare them, it'll make him furious, reckless, unstable... and then we get him good, get him caught attacking one of us so he comes out looking worse, and everyone questions his so-called nobility."

"Brillant." Lucius whispered softly, "But who does he love?"

"His family?" Dolohov offered, sneering cooly, "Remember how he went nuts when we mentioned his dead family members? What about if we aim for his living ones, his sister Molly or his brother Gideon?"

"Okay, but HOW?" Lucius demanded, his eyes narrowed in thought, "What can we do to them, to get to Fabian without violence?"

"How old are these siblings of his?" Lestrange asked Dolohov curiously.

"Molly's a third year, and Gideon is a 7th year with good old Malfoy here." Dolohov replied, stifling a yawn as it was almost 11pm on a tuesday, "Why do you ask, Roddy?"

"Write Molly an anonymous note saying 'you're next' or 'sleep with one eye open' you know, a warning of some kind." Lestrange suggested simply, "It will intimidate her and she'll run to big brother, demanding his assistance and he'll know we're behind it and he'll confront us. We'll play innocent, of course, let him get all worked up and storm away, and we'll keep sending notes like 'any minute now' or 'just wait...' until the both of them go mad with anxiety. And that's just to start things off, get him a bit unstable before we go in for the kill."

"Tell us more about 'the kill', Roddy." Lucius encouraged, the eagerness in his voice quite apparent, as he was leaning forward on his chair as to not miss a word. Indeed the entire room seemed to be hanging on every syllable from Roddy Lestrange's unusually red lips, myself included.

"Then, you see, we go for Gideon." Lestrange smirked, "Gideon is basically Fabian, but a year older, and if we get to him, Fabian will feel truly helpless, hopeless... desperate, and we can get him exactly where we want him."

"Yes, but how do we get Gideon?" Avery inquired intently from three rows behind Lestrange, who smiled at the question and for some reason locked his blue eyes with my dark gray ones.

"That's where Bellatrix comes into the plan." Lestrange answered, his eyes still fixated on my own.

"Wait-What?" Lucius snapped, glaring at Lestrange, his tone becoming one of great frustration, "Why Bella? What has she got to do with the plan for Gideon?"

"Everything, Lucius," Lestrange continued to stare at me, a smile playing about his cold mouth, "She's going to get him to like her, trust her a bit, snog her and so on."

"We can't give him a love potion like we did Pettigrew, he's too careful, it'd be too complicated, and I think he's the type of wizard who could fight against it, and it wouldn't last long enough, and Fabian wouldnt care if he liked her under an enchantment-"

"Lucius, shut up," Lestrange said with a good natured laugh, "You underestimate your girlfriend here, she doesn't need a love potion to catch his eye."

"He's bound to have heard of me from Fabian," I said heavily, "He and I have quite the grudge."

"I've heard, that's why its so perfect, it'll kill Fabian." Lestrange grinned, "He won't be able to handle seeing you with his hero of a big brother, and he'll crack like a wand under a troll's foot."

"How am I supposed to get Gideon to like me if Fabian has already informed him that I am the female version of satan?" I demanded, smiling at the thought of Fabian's face if I was with his precious big brother, how betrayed he'd feel, how furious. It was too perfect, except for the obvious flaw: Gideon was sure to hate me via Fabian. And of course, I was with Lucius.

"He's going to feel sorry for you... comfort you... and see another side of you that his brother overlooked... in his prejudiced rage." Lestrange explained, obviously working out the plan as he spoke judging by his pauses.

"Excuse me, Roddy, but have you forgotten Bella is with me?" Lucius interjected coldly, "We're a legendary couple, we're inlove, and everyone knows it."

"You WERE inlove, or that's what you'll be saying after you publically break up with her on Halloween, in Hogsmeade at the Three Broomsticks." Lestrange was positively beaming now as his plan came together at last, "And she's going to be saying that she's sorry but she can't support Lucius Malfoy or the Dark Lord any longer, that she had to do right by her family, and by herself and that Malfoy is a source of evil thats corrupting her."

"I WILL NOT!" I cried, outraged, furious, livid, glaring death curses at him from the desk as he smiled blandly before me, "I WILL NOT PUBLICALLY RENOUNCE THE DARK LORD OR THE MAN I LOVE! THAT'S HUMILATION FOR ME, NOT THE PREWETTS!"

"Don't get your knicker's in a bunch, Bella." Lestrange rolled his blue eyes in exasperation, "It won't be ultra public. We'll ensure Gideon hears you, and maybe a couple of his mates, but no one else. It's the only way he's going to consider speaking to you for longer than it takes to curse your cute butt off."

"Don't talk to her like that," Lucius warned, "She's my girlfriend and I don't want the public thinking otherwise, and neither does she. This plan, while it sounded okay before, is now falling apart, Bella and I do not consent."

"Lucius," Severus began slowly, "Its a perfect plan. You cannot let anything stand in the way of our plans, and you and Bella will still be together, privately until Fabian freaks out, and then we can stage a reunion where Bella publically proclaims her love for you and for the Dark Lord, and we'll have pulled off our best plan yet. If we don't get to the leaders like Fabian and Prewett, then little berks like Potter think they're a match for us, and no one will ever takes us seriously."

"Here, here!" Lestrange still wore his infuriating grin, "Now Lucius, you know this is whats best for the Death Eater Youth, stop being so selfish, think of how much strife this is going to cause Fabian, and Gideon for that matter. This is beyond your public displays of puppy love, you know."

"Don't talk to me like that, I am your leader." Lucius hissed dangerously.

"He's got a point though, mate." Dolohov conceded, and a murmer of agreement echoed throughout the room.

"Fine," Lucius mumbled with gritted teeth, "Operation Farewell to Fabian, FTF as we will refer to it, is approved."

"No one is going to check in with me?" I shouted, anger welling inside me, "You're talking about me as if I'm not even here, and yet my consent is essential to your bloody plan!"

"You'll do it," Lestrange said in a voice that was much too confident for my liking, "You can't refuse the DEY, we need you, and the Dark Lord will need you one day. Will you question him as you question us?"

"No, of course not, but-"

"You've got to learn to take orders every once in a blue moon, Bellatrix," Lestrange continued, "You've got to learn to do what's best for the movement, even if its unpleasant for you. If you really intend to become the first female Death Eater, you'll be placed in more difficult, uncomfortable, and dangerous situations than this, so prove yourself to us, Bellatrix, prove that you have what it takes."

"I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!" I yelled, incensed beyond measure.

"The show us." Lestrange replied pleasantly, "Take the mission. Are you in, or are you out?"

"I'm-" I hesitated, my mind working furiously to see a possible exit, but none came and I accepted it, quite suddenly, that this was my mission"-in. I'm in. What happens after Gideon comforts me, what's the next step in FTF?"

"Another plan for another meeting!" Lucius declared before Lestrange could open his mouth to speak, "The hour grows late, and we don't want to break curfew, or more importantly, get caught breaking curfew. Disband in groups of four, all of you- back to the common room."

The room filtered out slowly with the abrupt ending of the meeting. The boys waked out the dungeon doors in fours, with 2 to 4 minute intervals between departures. I surveys the chattering DEY members without interest, my mind distant. I barely noticed as Lestrange, Severus, and Dolohov began approaching the desk where Lucius and I sat in silence, slightly in shock by the plan.

"So?" Lestrange asked, standing before us, grinning foolishy, "I know you're not too pleased at how its affecting you personally, but it is QUITE a plan, isn't it?"

"Its acceptable." Lucius drawled, keeping his face smoothly emotionless.

"What makes you so sure it will work, Lestrange?" I demanded harshly, placing my hands on my hips in what I hoped was a defiant manner, "What if he doesn't want a thing to do with me even after the faux-break-up?"

"Oh, he will," Lestrange promised, laughing slightly, "I know Gideon, he's a right old sucker for a pretty girl and false promises. He's as sharp as his brother when it comes to school, maybe even a knut more advanced, but he's not as cautious or observant of people. Fabian's reaction is going to be priceless, simply priceless. I hope I have a camera ready when he sees you with Gideon."

"Its only a matter of time now, and respect will be ours," Severus said, almost wistfully.

"I can't believe I have to suck up to a blood traitor," I hissed, "Will I have to really snog him? What if I catch some flithy blood traitor disease?"

"I don't think being a blood traitor is contagious, Bellatrix," Lestrange laughed, "But as Lucius said, those details will be discussed next meeting."

Soon it was Lucius, Sev, Lestrange, Dolohov and myself, the last five to walk back to the Slytherin common room. We walked mostly in silence, absorbed in our own thoughts. I slept very little that night, enthralled that I had an active role in the downfall of Fabian, but anxious about what it for mean for Lucius and I, and our love. It was all getting complicated so quickly, and when sleep finally graced me with its presence, it was punctured by strange dreams that left me feeling empty upon waking.

In the week leading up to today, Severus and Dolohov sent mysterious, anonymous owls to little Molly Prewett. They sent the first one on the morning following the evening, and it delivered the message "You are the next Prewett to die." at breakfast in the Great Hall. Lestrange watched carefully, as he was the only one facing the Gryffindor table, smirking serenly behind his orange juice as he observed her panic, whispering seriously and anxiously with her friends. The next letter, Severus informed me, was dropped off at the window by her dorm tower at midnight two days later, with the words "Tomorrow? Next week? Christmas Day?" scrawled in scarlet ink, reminiscent of fresh blood. The third one merely had the Dark Mark, the symbol of a skull and snake that the Death Eaters cast in the sky above a murder victim, and was delivered at 5am to her dorm window the day before Halloween, which would commence with a Hogsmeade visit. Fabian mentioned nothing regarding the notes to us in our detention the day before Halloween, but cast us death glares all throughout the time we spent sorting potions ingrediants for Slughorn in silence as the professor presided over the entire night. The next day came quickly, as my detention had exhuasted me into reaching sleep the second my head hit the pillow.

"Happy Halloween," Carla Dolohov, obviously Antonin Dolohov's sister, greeted me as the 6th year Slytherin girls began to stir from the comfort of our beds. The day dawned dark, stormy, menacing. It was an omen, I thought to myself, a positive omen I was certain of it as I gazed out the enchanted window. Being under ground, we could not actually have real windows, so we had a fake one, enchanted to reflect the day's actual weather so we would know how to dress without leaving our dorms.

"Thanks, Car." I yawned lazily, tossing my blankets aside, and climbing out of my bed, stretching my long arms above my head on my way to the bathroom. My long black hair fell down below my elbows, and swayed behind me effortlessly as I walked.

"Merlin's beard, Black," Carla said, staring at me as I stood in my pajamas, "Your breasts have gotten, well, huge."

"Yeah, a bit." I replied simply, turning to face her, as she sat in her bed, her hair slightly matted and her eye make up smeared below her blue eyes, "Hogsmeade today for you?"

"Of course, not the best weather for it though, is it?" She laughed airly as the other Slytherin girls began rubbing the sleep from their eyes and yawning openly, "Esmerelda, Rozelle, Elisha, Jessie, Briana-Lee and I were going to hit the Hogsmeade to get some firewhiskey around 2, if you'd like to join us."

"Why the sudden interest in my company, Car?" I asked suspiciously, narrowing my gray eyes cautiously, "I think that's the first invitation I've gotten for an outing with you 6 since first year, isn't it?"

"You scare us silly, Bellatrix," She laughed again, tossing her dark hair over her shoulders, "But we were talking the other night about how brave you are, with your secret society with all the boys, thinking how clever you must be, and of course you just have this natural talent in whatever you do, and we asked ourselves why aren't we closer to this lovely girl?"

"Is that right?" I smirked, amused at the flattery, at the obvious attempt to win my favor.

"Naturally, we thought we just must make up for all the years of wasted time without your friendship!" She exclaimed, pleased I seemed to be taking well to the idea, "I would never be able to forgive myself if I graduated Hogwarts without earning your affection and respect, Bellatrix!"

"Please, Car, call me Bella." I smirked wider, knowing to them it would appear a gesture of the affection she claimed to seek, "Its what my friends call me, you know."

"Oh Bella, I'm honored!" She grinned, almost earnestly, "So we can count on you to meet us around 2?"

"Yeah, I thinik so," I shrugged, "I have some plans at some point, but it should be taken care of by 2."

"Plans?" Carla squealed, her interest evident in her gleaming eyes "What plans?"

"They're top secret, I'm afriad, even between friends," I explained, trying not to laugh out loud, "Maybe I'll fill you in this afternoon. I best get ready, you know, I must meet Lucius- Malfoy, I mean- at 8:30."

"Of course!" Carla nodded enthusiastically, "We look forward to seeing you later, Bella!"

"Aye, its mutual." I said, turning my back before they could see my sneer, and disappeared into the bathroom. Whatever they were up to, I would discover in time, probably at 2, I smirked at my own relfection, and realized, quite happily that today was a day of great beginnings.

I meet Lucius, Severus, Lestrange, Rosier, Crabbe, Goyle, and Dolohov in the common room, and we discussed the carefully planned day's events in hushed tones as we made our way to the common room for breakfast. We ate quickly, butterflies arriving and settling in my stomach as the morning began to unfold. Soon we were ushered out into the cold and dark Halloween after passing the secrecy sensors Filch subjected us to as we left the castle and walked at a brisk pace down the streets into the bustling village of Hogsmeade. The cobblestone streets were half filled with shoppers and fellow Hogwarts students, laughing and talking brightly, and the shops were filled with those avoiding the chill in the air that promised autumn was beginning to subside to winter, though it was only the end of October.

"Okay, now Gideon passed through about 3 groups before us, so Crabbe, take this cloak, its charmed with an invisibility enchantment that will last 12 hours," Lucius intrusctued, handing something invisible to the naked eye to Crabbe, who stepped in an alley between two small shops and did not emerge, for he disappeared beneath the magic of the cloak, "And you have the enchanted parchment? Remeber to write on it, as soon as you see him and his mate Justin Wood, who he's with today, enter the Three Broomsticks, and the message will appear on the parchment I'm in possession of, so we can be sure to encounter him there."

"I know, I know" Crabbe grumbled, "We've been over this 100 times, Malfoy, I'm not daft. Do I look like a Hufflepuff to you?"

"A bit, actually, yes." Lucius sneered, and we heard Crabbe's angry footsteps storming away.

"What shall we do whilst we wait?" Severus asked, surveying the village.

"Zonkos," Lestrange suggested happily, "Let's check out some more stuff, see if we can find anything to intimidate Molly Prewett."

"All right, let's see what we can uncover," Lucius agreed, "Though a joke shop seems a bit... immature, for what our aims are."

"You'd be surprised, Malfoy." Lestrange laughed as we made our way along the cobblestone, clutching our scarves tightly around our necks and cheeks in the icy wind that threatened freezing October rain.

"Think this will be over by 2?" I asked mildly, as the door to Zonkos flew open and we hurried inside, relieved by the warmth of the crowded shop with its shelves lined with melting cauldrons wands, trick sweets, and an endless array of various trick wands.

"I'd assume so," Lucius replied, shrugging as he examined a pair of eye glasses that make the wearer believe he's drunk, on an crambed shelf that also featured vampire masks that attached themselves to the victim's face until the purchaser tapped it the mask with their wand. Lucius looked away from the glasses and masks, looking bored and unconvinced by Lestrange as he turned to face me curiously, "Why?"

"I have a rendez-vous with the girls in my dorm." I laughed, "They told me how amazing I was and simply demanded my friendship this morning."

"They're right about you being amazing, but why the sudden interest in you now, Bella?" Lucius laughed as well, "They've treated you as though you had dragon pox for the past few years. They're frightened of you, I expect, and jealous as all hell. And who can blame them? They're cows, the lot of them. They're hardly attractive and giggle more than they speak, its infuriating. You're the only girl worth knowing, if you ask me."

"That's sweet, Lucius," I grinned, "I assume they're up to something and require my assistance, and I must confess my curiousity has gotten the better of me and I agreed to meet them for a drink at 2 in the Hogs Head."

"Why the Hogs Head?" Lucius asked, wrinkling his sharp nose in distaste, as we strolled along the aisles of the joke shop, hardly taking notice of the products on display, and having lost track of Sev, Lestrange, Dolohov, Goyle, and Rosier completely, "That place is a dump."

"Because they serve under age kids firewhiskey, love," I replied

"Do they?" Lucius raised his eye brows excitedly, "Maybe we'll stop in ourselves afterwards to take the edge off a day of hard work."

We walked in silence for several moments, each lost in our own thoughts, waiting for that fateful moment when Crabbe's messy scrawl would appear informing us of Gideon's arrival at the Three Broomsticks, and the commencement of our part in operation FTF.

"The faux break up won't change our relationship, will it?" I asked, anxiously after another minute without speaking, biting my bottom lip as we turned down yet another aisle.

"Nothing can change our relationship, Bella." He reassured me, kissing me swiftly on the cheek, "I love you, remember?"

"Yes, of course," I almost laughed in relief, "I love you too."

"Oi, Malfoy!" Lestrange called from the far end of the aisle we strolled along, "I found something we can use."

"It better be worthwhile, Roddy," Lucius replied skeptically, "I don't want to waste my time examining a wand that turns into a paper turkey or something."

"No, its nothing like that," Lestrange chuckled, "Come here and take a look, I think you'll find it suitable. Sev, Antonin, and Evan agree, anyway."

Lucius and I made our way to the next aisle, and pushed our way to the shelf where Roddy Lestrange was pointing. There, amongst the rubbish fake wands, lay a potion in a transparent deep blue bottle with a round golden top. The tag along the head of the bottle read "Laughing Juice." and below the title, the words were written in smaller font, "Laugh until you can't breath! Stronger than the tickling jinx, more threatening that a screaming draught! You'll almost die laughing! WARNING: antidote is vinegar, administer when the drinking is about to faint."

"So?" Lucius asked, "How is this going to scare her?"

"Because after she almost dies from laughing, the note is going to say 'Next time you WILL die, and you may or may not die laughing' and little miss Prewett will run to Fabian, distressed, and he won't be able to ignore it as he did our little notes, because it will prove we're not just talking, we're acting."

"This is the best we can do?" Lucius said, his voice lined with a hint of doubt.

"Its not bad," Severus said brightly, "I say we do it."

"Oh, all right, go on then," Lucius shrugged, "But Roddy, you're the one responisble for giving it to her undetected."

"Oh, I've got it covered boss-"

"THE PARCHMENT!" Lucius exclaimed, and reached into his pocket, pulling out the sheet that read in the blue ink Crabbe had been carrying 'Go, now.'

"What are we waiting for?" Lestrange asked, "Let's get this rolling!"

"Yes, let's," Lucius agreed, hurrying towards the exit, with his hand enclosed around my own, dragging me swiftly through the crowd, mainly comprised of Hogwarts classmates, "Rosier and Goyle- buy that laughing potion thing, and Sev, Roddy- come with us."

Lucius, Lestrange, Severus and I rushed back into the cold. It had just started to mist, ever so subtly, along the village as we rushed a little ways down the road, and into the Three Broomsticks.

"Phew," Lestrange said, shaking the slight moisture from his shaggy brown hair, "Its not very cheery weather out there, Happy Bloody Halloween. I guess it gets us in the spirit though, eh?"

"Yeah, sure," Lucius replied distractedly, "Wheres the man of the hour?"

"In the corner," Severus said, his eyes squinted as he stared through the crowded bar room, "In the little table with Justin Wood, the table in front of them is open, run for it, you two, well sit at the bar."

"Sound," I agreed, allowing Lucius to lead me immediatly by the hand to the table before the two seventh year Gryffindors. I felt my stomach leap anxiously: It was time. Certainly, we had rehearsed the faux arguement several times, but rehearsal the opening night could not be further from the same, I was shaking slightly, but trying to convince myself it was merely from the cold, though the warmth of the room had quickly relieved the chill from the mist outside.

"What can I get you to drink?" Lucius asked, in a voice that did not betray its rehearsal at all, but to the contrary sounded entirely natural, and light.

"Oh, just a butterbeer." I said, seating myself at the side of the booth that faced Gideon. I searched his face, though he had not yet noticed me. He and Wood were enjoying some animated conversation, persumtuously about quiddich as I was sure the words 'quaffle' and 'keeper' had been exclaimed with some enthusiasm from Gideon's handsome mouth.

"How about I try and get you a firewhiskey, aren't you up for some adventure?" Lucius asked, raising his voice slightly so the table behind us could hear him more clearly. Gideon glanced towards us curiously.

"I'm sick of adventure!" I said, my voice slightly raised as well, and I noticed Gideon;s gaze had rested on us at last, "I'm sick of you telling me what to do!"

"What's gotten into you, Bellatrix?" Lucius said, his voice in a convincing immitation of disdain.

"You, Lucius!" I cried, noticing Justin now turned around as well, "I'm done with it all, with your controlling ways! I don't want a part of it any longer! No more taking orders, no more listening to that nonsense about- about-" I paused, unable to procede, unable to denounce the Dark Lord, but knowing in denouncing him I was truly supporting him and I forced the words from my reluctant lips, "About you-know-who!"

"You bloody tart!" He spat, "You fool! And you will refer to him as the Dark Lord if you wish to remain my girlfriend!"

"He is not a Lord, Lucius Malfoy," I forced myself to say, turning my disgust at my words into a convincing disguise of disgust for Lucius, "And I can't take this any more! I am no longer your girlfriend, or your friend! Just, just.."

"Just what, you stupid cow?" He demanded, in fake fury.

"Just leave me alone, you DEATH EATER!" I shouted, in a voice that I was sure only carried to Gideon and Justin, and jumped up, crying tears that were entirely fake, and fought to keep my face straight, though the urge to laugh was quite strong. Then I caught Gideon's eye and knew the time was right, "Why Lucius Malfoy, I wish you were a Gryffindor, and I wish you could show some bravery for once in your pathetic life! Look at these two, whoever they are, I bet they're not messing about with the Dark Arts, I bet they're brave!"

"What'cha dragging us into this for, mate?" Justin Wood looked mortified, "What'd you know about us?"

"Are you into the Dark Arts?" I sobbed.

"Of course not," Wood said quickly, "But from what I hear, you are miss!"

"I wish she was!" Lucius sneered, and threw the three of us a look of disgust, "She's a blood traitor and if you're Gryffindors I'm sure you are too!"

"Better a blood traitor than a Death Eater!" Gideon declared, standing up from his seat on his booth, "Leave her alone, you heard the girl, she wants no part of your sick ideals! Be gone with you, Malfoy!"

"Fuck off, Prewett." Lucius glared, his eyes displaying hatred for Gideon that was clearly beyond acting, "Take this pathetic excuse for a Slytherin then, and you can all die as blood traitors."

"Leave, Malfoy, we don't want any trouble," Wood said firmly, "Leave us and the girl alone."

"Pathetic trash, all of you!" Lucius looked livid, and stormed out of the pub, and from the corner of my eye I saw Severus and Lestrange smile as he left, jump from their stools by the bar and join him out in the bitter weather. I turned to Gideon and Wood, both were red in the face from the confrontation, and looking at me searching, unsure of what to think of the softly sobbing Slytherin standing before them.

"You all right, Bellatrix Black?" Gideon asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.

"I-I-think so," I cried, sniffing dramatically, "I just couldn't live with myself anymore, or live with him. He's awful you know, he kept trying to corrupt me, make me do things, make me say things... it all just kind of exploded."

"Hey, its okay now." He said, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders, "Fancy a drink with Wood and myself? We wouldn't want you wandering off on your own with Malfoy's lot against you."

"Oh, no, I couldn't.." I trailed off, my tears abaiting, looking up at him with watery eyes.

"I insist!" He said, making room for me on his side of the booth, "Sit down, please, Bellatrix Black, we want you to."

"Well if you really insist," I consented in faux reluctance, "And wait, how do you know my name?"

"Everyone knows your name," Gideon laughed, catching Wood's eye who shook his head wearing an amused smile, "You're a bit notorious for being a bit of a... well, you're known as a bitch, dear."

"Ah, well..." I paused, smiling though my teeth were gritted under my lips, "I have a temper, no doubt, but isnt that a little harsh? I just got mixed in with a rough crowd, and I got so wrapped up and so unhappy in it, I lost a little of myself, but I'm coming back now, I see my mistakes."

"Do you?" Wood looked at me curiously over his butter beer, "I'm not one to believe in people changing, you see."

"You've never known me, though." I said, taken aback, desperatly telling myself not to become angry, irrational, or disgusted at being in the presense of blood traitors. Its all for the Dark Lord, I kept repeating inside my head, is all for the DEY.

"I've known of you," Wood said, his eyes still searching my own for a trace of a lie, "Gideon's little brother has most unflattering things to say about your character."

"Who'se your little brother?" I asked Gideon, trying to appear innocently curious.

"Fabian Prewett," Gideon grinned, "He hates you, love. I mean, he says your temper rivals that of our little sister, who mind you, is utterly insane when she's upset. He says you're wicked, evil, twisted, you know, the usual."

"Ah," I said, shaking from anger, but forced a pout of remorse to appear upon my face with all the strength I retained, "That's so harsh, I know we never got on very well, but evil? I believe he's mistaken, I just have a temper, I'm not so bad, its Lucius..."

"Hmmm," Wood appeared unconvinced.

"You're shaking!" Gideon said, surprised, "Is it what Lucius said, and all this bad news about your reputation? Or the cold? I can't stand to see a damsel in distress."

"All of the above," I muttered miserably, my facade holding up well, as I transformed my fury into an imitation of pain, "Its been an awful day..."

"Don't cry again, Bellatrix," He said, his arm still around my shoulders, "Here take a sip of my butter beer, it'll calm your nerves."

"Thanks," I said, closing my eyes and taking a smal sip from his glass, pretending to be close to tears once more, "I'm so sorry to interupt your day, I should leade, I don't want to ruin your Halloween as well..."

"Nonsense, Bellatrix, stay, the more the merrier, eh Justin?" Gideon insisted, holding tightly onto my shoulder.

"Gideon, I'm sorry, but she's a Slytherin and even if she is trying to reform-"

"Justin, I'm sorry, but we just saw a girl turn down you-know-who and her bad influence boyfriend, and you want me to turn her away? So she can go straight back into the mess of the Dark Arts she's trying to escape from?"

"You are such a Gryffindor, Gideon," Justin said, though a smile had appeared on his prevoiusly stony expression, "So noble..."

"Why thank you, Justy." Gideon beamed at him, "Now be more welcoming to Bellatrix."

"You can call me Bella, if you like," I said, smiling shyly, or a sincere reflection of what I imagine a shy smile would be, "Only teachers call me Bellatrix."

"Very well, Bella, it is a pleasure to meet your aquaintence." Gideon smiled broadly, and I leaned his head on his shoulder, feeling his warmth agaisnt my cheek. It was strangely comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time, and I felt my heart rate quicken. 'What am I doing?' My thoughts raced, but I reminded myself forcefully, that this was all part of the plan, part of something bigger than my distaste for Gryffindors and blood traitors.

"Yeah, nice to meet you." Justin said grugdingly, "And if you're just going to run back to Malfoy, I'm rubbing this is Gideon's face for a decade."

"I am most certainly not going to run back to him, that nasty, filthy, pushy-"

"Okay, okay," Wood laughed, cutting me off from my diatribe, "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, just for Gideon here. But I'm remembering that you're a Slytherin for a reason, aren't you?"

"Certainly," I replied, my head still nestled against Gideon, "If I was a Gryffindor I would have been able to walk away from Lucius years ago. I envy the courage of your house, its something I've always wanted to find in myself. My cousin Sirius has it, and my sister Andromeda, I've always envied them, and its always come across as anger at who they are, but its just... I've always wanted to be more like them, you see."

"You're not such a bitch, Bella," Gideon said, now resting his head against mine, and I fought against the desire to vomit and attack him, supressing these natural urges made me shake again, against his muscular body, "There, there, its all right, you're coming 'round. I bet they'll be proud of you now, admitting all that, seeing through the mistakes and anger of your past. This is a big step, you know, it takes courage to say what you're saying."

"Why are you opening up to us anyway?" Wood asked, without the extent of suspicion he had displayed earlier, but still with a distinct trace of skepticism.

"I have no one else to open up to, do I?' I said, forcing myself to sob again, "I m-m-mean I can't go to my Slytherin friends, because they'll think I'm a fool and I've pushed away Siri and Andy, I b-b-bet they h-hate me now, and I c-c-can't even blame them, I'm awful."

"You're not awful, Bella." Gideon said, rubbing my back affectionatly, "You're a very brave girl, and they'll forgive you, just tell them what you've told us. And we don't mind that you're opening up to us, its an honor actually."

"You must think I'm quite a mess of a person" I said, my forced tears leaking onto the shoulder of his robes.

"Nah," Gideon said softly, "I think you're a girl who's pulling it all together, after being a mess for a long time. It takes strength to realize mistakes, I think they might do the sorting too early sometimes."

"Aye, maybe" Justin shrugged.

"Oh Gideon," I smiled through my fake tears, "Its hard to feel sad with you around."

"Gee Bella, you'll make a man blush." Gideon chuckled, "I'm glad I'm cheering you up, though. Come on, you're too brave to be sad"

"All right, this is getting a little sickening," Justin laughed, amusement evident in his words, "You need to get a room, this flirting is too obvious for an innocent by stander, you're into each other, go snog."

"She just broke up with another bloke!" Gideon laughed as well, "And she's crying, I'd be a right prat to make a move now... but to ask her to maybe study sometime next well, wouldn't be so bold..."

"I'd love to!" I grinned an honest grin, for the plan was falling perfectly into place, "When? Where?"

"Library?" He suggested brightly, "Wednesday?"

"That sounds wonderful, Gideon," I said, once again completely honest, for it meant I had succeded, "Its almost 2 now though, and I promised my girlfriends I'd meet them in a few minutes! I'll see you Wednesday at the library, at say 7:30pm?"

"Perfect!" He said, as I stood up, quickly wiping away the remnants of my tears and giving him, what I quite hoped was a brave smile, "Have a nice day, Bella."

"You too, Gideon!" I beamed down at him, my heart racing with the thrill of my victory, "And you, Wood!"

"Yeah, see ya, 'Bella'," Wood smiled half heartedly. I turned from the pair of them, with one last wave and stepped back into the cold. The rain had gone from a vague mist to a persistant downfall, and I walked so fast it was practically a sprint down the road to the Hog's Head. The other girls were already there, sitting at a dusty table, and wiping off their glasses of what could only be firewhiskey with unpleasant expressions. We were alone in the bar except for the grumpy looking bartender, counting galleons behind the counter, with occasionaly glares towards the group of girls.

"Hi!" I greeted them uncertainly walking over to their table.

"Oh Bella!" Carla jumped up, and hugged me briefly before sliding down on her side of the table to make room and beckoning me to sit, "Welcome! I'm so glad you could make it, its such a pleasure to finally spend some time with you!"

Part of me wanted to simply demand that they tell me what in Merlin's name they wanted, but I was so accostomed to acting by this point in the day, I smiled back and said in my most polite voice that it was a pleasure for me as well. One of the girls, Jessie jumped up offering to buy me a firewhiskey and returned a moment later, a dirty alcohol filled glass in hand.

"Thanks," I replied, sipping its strong contents, and smiling at the day's events, my mind wandering far from the table of my fellow Slytherin girls, into the success of our plan.

"So, how did your plan go, Bella?" Carla asked excitedly, "You simply must tell us everything!"

"Oh, well, I don't want to be overheard," I smiled secretively, "Its imporant that it remains entirely confidential, I mean no one should even know that there was a plan today! Its crucial to the plan's success that it remain a secret, you see."

"We can whisper!" Rozelle assured me, "and you can trust us, we're your house mates! I mean, we're pratically family, Bella!"

Considering we hadn't spent time together all our Hogwarts career, I found that statement a bit rich, but hastily turned my snort of amusement into a cough on my firewhiskey, "I know Rozelle, maybe I'll tell you in a bit. How was your day so far?"

"Oh, the usual." Carla said, waving her hand dismissivly, "Our lives aren't as exciting as yours, Bella! I mean, we don't even have boyfriends. What's it like to have someone to love? It must be wonderful, oh what's it like being Lucius Malfoy's girlfriend?"

"Its great," I said awkwardly, taking a sip of my firewhiskey to avoid elaborating.

"I must admit, I have a crush of my own..." Carla trailed off, looking wistful. Then she directed her gaze at me, expectedly. 'She must want me to ask who it is' I mused, smiling back at her, refusing to cooperate exactly as she had planned. She continued after a pause when I had remained silent, looking back at her with an expression of polite interest that I feigned in my opinion, quite remarkably, "You know him quite well, actually..."

"Do I?" I asked, sipping more firewhiskey to hide my smirk, still refusing to ask who he was, refusing to play along as she had intended. I was beginning to understand their sudden interest in my friendship.

"Oh yes, he's part of your group, he is." She answered, her voice growing slightly excited, "I was actually wondering, well, if you wouldn't mind introducing us."

"If he's in our year, I'm sure you've already been introduced," I replied, forcing myself not to smirk.

"Oh well, yes I mean, we know each other's names and whatnot, but we've never actually had a real conversation, he doesn't seem notice me much." Her voice was growing slightly desperate now, "But I'm sure with your connection to him, if you pushed him along in the right direction a bit, we could get to know one another and perhaps he might, you know, like me back or something like that."

"You think?" I grinned, hoping it appeared friendly rather than displayed the amusement I found in the entire conversation.

"I hope!" She grinned back, brightly, confusing malicous amusement with friendship, "Do you think you could introduce us, and give him a bit of a push?"

"Maybe," I shrugged, "When did you have in mind?"

"Today, if possible!" She said, her voice faltering slightly at my lack of an absolute promise, "I really need your help Bella, don't you want to help a friend?"

"I guess so," I grinned again, surpressing my laughter and repeating her words in my head 'don't you want to help a friend?' I mean what do I look like, a Hufflepuff?

"Good! Great! Excellent!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms around me, so that I nearly spilled my half empty firewhiskey, "You're the best, Bella, really you are! Now, don't you want to know who he is?"

"Sure, go for it."

"Roddy Lestrange!" She said dreamily.

"Ah, yes," I smiled at her, wondering whether or not I really wanted her to date Lestrange. Then wondering why I felt a small twinge of jealousy. I loved Lucius, what did Lestrange's love life have to do with anything? I forced the jealousy out of sight and out of mind before speaking again, "I think he'll be here soon actually, along with Lucius and everyone else, they seemed rather keen on joining us when I mentioned firewhiskey."

"Oh, thats too perfect!" She giggled, "Do you think I'm his type?"

"Uh, sure." I said, furrowing my brow, completely unsure what type Roddy Lestrange was into, and annoying to find out, I cared.

"Think you can maybe help set me up with Evan Rosier?" Rozelle asked nervously excited.

"Or help introduce me to Avery?" Briana-Less looked up at me from her own firewhiskey hopefully.

"Or maybe give Crabbe a push in my direction?" Jessie blushed deep scarlet at the confused looks her friends threw her, "Well, he just looks so strong..."

"Ew." Carla looked at her with confusion and revolusion, "Come on, Jessie, that's just wrong. And hold your hippogriffs until Lestrange and I start getting to know one another, I mean Bella is hardly a dating service, don't overwhelm the poor girl."

"Yeah guys, one matchmaking endeavour at a time, if you please." I said, laughing at how utterly pathetic each girl was, too nervous to talk to these boys on their, so completely gutless they had to use me to get to their crushes? It was laughable, and I was completely in awe of how worthless each of them was, and how glad I was not to be anything like them, to be able to do and say and attract whomever I wanted or had to. Before my conversation with the other girls could resume, the boys came strolling into the bar, waving brightly to me.

"How'd it pan out?" Lestrange demanded the first second he entered the bar.

"Perfect, if I say so myself." I declared proudly, "Now hush, we don't need to tell everyone the inner workings of our plans, Lestrange."

"Yeah, all right, come here and give us the details without the rest of the room listening in." He replied, gesturing for me to join the boys at their own table while Crabbe and Goyle ordered them each a drink.

"We'll discuss that in private, why don't you all come join us over here, pull up another table." I said, and with a mutter of consent the boys arranged themselves at a table Severus conjured besides the one I sat at with my fellow 6th year girls.

"Nice to see you all" Lucius said curtly as he sat beside me and kissed me fleetingly on the lips, seeing as no one but the other Slytherins and the bartender would be able to see "I'm proud, Bella, I think we were as convincing as possible. Its amazing what we can do united, isn't it?"

"Certainly." I grinned, feeling my own personal contribution far surpassed his, but decided not to point it out, "We're practically invincable!"

"I'll drink to that!" Lestrange grinned, sipping the firewhiskey Goyle had supplied him with.

"You'll drink to anything, Roddy!" Lucius teased lightly from across the table.

"There's no denying that, mate." Lestrange agreed, taking another hearty gulp from his drink, "So Bella, it went without a hitch?"

"Smooth as a unicorns coat, Lestrange." I beamed at him, downing the last of my firewhiskey as Carla cleared her throat softly, "Oh yeah, uhm, Lestrange you've meet Carla, right?"

"Everyone's met my sister." Dolohov said quickly, scowling slightly from down the table.

"Yeah, hey Carla," Lestrange said casually, ignoring her brother, "Having a good Halloween?"

"Sure, but its better now that you're here," She battered her eyelashes a bit and I stole a sip from Lucius' firewhiskey to keep from snorting again.

"You want it, Bella my belle?" He offered, "As a token of my appreciation for your success today? Besides, I'm too high on the thrill of he first part of the plan going through to handle drinking on top of it."

"Yeah, thanks, my love." I kissed him on the lips, savoring the purity of his mouth before gulping down yet another half glass of firewhiskey.

"Take it easy, Bellatrix," Lestrange warned, with a smirk, "Drink like a lady."

"Scone off, Lestrange," I laughed, "Its more fun to drink like a man."

"You can't handle it." He challenged his eyes sparkling with amusement, "You're a little girl, aren't ya?"

"No!" I retorted, outraged, "I can outdrink you, I bet."

"That's the stupidest thing I've heard all day, including when we heard Pettigrew inform Potter that he might actually be God." Lestrange chortled in amusement, "But I'll take you up on that. First to down the last half, and next glass of firewhiskey will be the victor."

"You're on, Lestrange," I replied, smiley wickedly, as Carla pouted from being entirely ignored, "Goyle, get us two more firewhiskies."

"Please," Lestrange added brightly as Goyle stood up again, headed for the counter, returning a moment later with the two glasses required to begin our contest. Lestrange grinned at me as Goyle set them down before us, "Now on your mark, get set..."

"GO!" Carla shouted excitedly, determined to remain a part of the conversation. I picked up my firewhiskey, drinking as fast as I could, ignoring the strong burning sensation travelling through my body, and then downed the second one as quickly as I could, struggling to beat Roddy Lestrange, but unfortunately to no avail as he finished about 5 seconds before my second cup was drained.

"Oh, bravo Roddy!" Carla crooned sickenly.

"Thanks, love." He grinned, his pride as sickening as her flattery, "I fancy myself a decent drinker."

"That's something to brag about!" I snickered, hiccuping slightly.

"Yeah, says the loser." He winked.

"Guys, check the time its getting late," Lucius said, examining his watch, "We ought to get back up to the castle now, lets head off."

"Always so responsible, Malfoy, it makes me question your true Slytherin nature" teased Lestrange, "But if you insist, we'll all be on our merry way."

"Better than you, Roddy," Lucius mused, "A drinking contest? Really? No wonder you're so shocked by responsibility, its a concept you're not too familiar with!"

"I do not give a hippogriffs arse for responsibility," Lestrange said proudly, as Carla regarded him with mounting awe while we left the Hogs Head and marched through the pouring bitter rain back to the promised warmth of the castle, and Lestrange spoke again, raising his voice over the howl of the wind, "I like a bit of danger, myself! Makes life that much more worth living, don't you think?"

"I certainly agree," Carla promised feverently, "Danger over responsibility!"

"Aren't you a prefect?" Lestrange asked, frowning.

"Well... yes," She conceded and I bit my lip to keep from laughing, "But I'm just a bad girl who doesn't get caught!"

"You better not be a bad girl, Carla," Dolohov threatened, "Or mum hears about it in my next letter!"

"Oh lighten up, Antonin," Carla dismissed him immediatly, turning back to Lestrange, "Being a prefect is the perfect disguise for mischief making."

"What mischief have you been up to lately, Car?" I asked in a falsely pleasant voice.

"Oh, you know, lots of things..." She trailed off, looking wrong footed as we walked on. The remained of our journey to the school was quick as our pace sped up due to the cold rain soaking us through. I, however, felt strangely warm, giggily, and light.

"Lucius, take me now," I whispered as we passed through Filch at the entrance hall, "Fake break ups make me just want you, immediatly."

"Bella, you're naughty!" Lestrange whispered back, having eavesdropped.

"Oh shut up, Lestrangey," I shot back, "That was not meant for youuu, it was meant for Luciusy."

"You're drunk," Lucius looked half amused, half reproving, "You silly girl, you should not have had a drinking contest with Roddy, you must have known he could out drink you, love."

"I concede no such thing!" I insisted, nettled, "You're the silly one!"

"Really now?" Lucius was still torn between amusement and frustration at the state of me, "Why am I silly?"

"Because," I giggled, "What kind of a name is Lucius?"

"What kind of a name is Bellatrix?" Lestrange piped in as we descended the stairs towards the dungeon which presented a difficulty for me, as I nearly slipped twice, saved by Lucius gripping tightly to my arm, scowling at the comment made in regards to his name.

"Its a constellation of stars!" I pouted, nearly falling again.

"What other kinds of constellations are their?" Severus laughed quietly.

"I don't know, Snapey," I replied, "But Bellatrix is a star kind of constellation, and she's a female warrior like myself."

"You fancy yourself a warrior?" Lestrange smiled, surpressing laughter.

"Why yes, as a matter of a bloody fact, I do indeed!" I snapped, "Dont'cha think I'm proving that? With my performance today with the FTF operation thingy?"

"Shhh," Lucius hissed, glancing at the girls who now were looking at the group of lads and I inquiringly.

"Oh shh this and shh that!" I said, frustratedly, pulling my arm out of his grasp, "Blah Blah Blah, I'm sick of hiding what we're doing! When can we just be open about our superiority? I just wanna be in charge, working for the Dark Lord, showing everyone who I am and what I can do!"

"You're too drunk, just shut up for now!" Lucius cried, exasperated.

"Noooo, you shu- AAAAAAAH!" I slipped down a quarter of the long spiral staircase, landing without grace at the bottom, my body aching from the fall. I choked back tears, refusing to let everyone see my cry. I groaned, and looking up at them with bleary eyes.

"For Merlin's sake, Bellatrix Black, look what you did!" Lucius hurried down towards me, and pulled me roughly to my feet.

"Lucius, be a bit gentler, she just took quite a fall." Lestrange said, his footstepts following Lucius's as he grabbed my by my other arm, helping Lucius lead me into the common room with the rest of the group following behind us.

"Don't tell me how to treat my girlfriend," Lucius answered softly, a bit of danger in his voice as he turned to the door of the common room, and said the password, "Gallons of Galleons."

We entered the common room in an uneasy silence, most of the boys heading up to the dorms, as well as all of the girls to change out of their wet attire before dinner. Carla told Lestrange and I she'd see us soon before flashing him a flirtatious smiling and disappearing up the staircase to our room. Lucius and Lestrange helped me onto one of the couches, Lucius stroking my hair, pulling it out of my face, "You okay?" He asked softly, his voice more concerned than before.

"Mmm," I answered, my head, stomach, arms, and everywhere else aching from the fall, but still managing a slightly drunken smile "No lasting damage, lucious Lucius"

"Its hot when you call me that, you know," He smirked, half kidding, as he looked down on me, and then settled kneeling beside my couch.

"Would it be hot if I called you that?" Lestrange asked Lucius raising his eye brows up and down in a seductive fashion.

"Er, not so much," Lucius laughed, "Not unless I was as tipsy as Bella."

"That can be arranged," Lestrange winked at his friend, who laughed again before Lestrange turned back to me, "Think you can change and make it down to dinner? We'll help you up the stairs, of course."

"How long until dinner?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head that had his several of the stairs upon my descent.

"An hour or so." He answered, checking the clock above the fireplace.

"I should make it," I said, sitting up shakily, "Its the feast, I don't wanna miss that."

"Right!" Lestrange said nodding, "I almost forgot it was Halloween. What a day, huh guy?"

"Indeed." Lucius agreed, smiling widely, "And its still not over! Now Bella, if you're all right, I'm going to go make myself appropriate for the feast. Coming Roddy?"

"Yep, we're off, Bells." Lestrange called to me as the two boys headed off for the stairs. I got to my feet a moment later retreating back to my dorm where I met the rest of the girls all dissolved in conversation together about how Carla and Roddy Lestrange were simply made for each other. I smirked and changed my robes clumsily, still feeling the effects of the firewhiskey.

"You okay, Bella?" She asked as I almost feel on the floor in an effort to pull my wet robes off, "Need any help?"

"Nah, its all right, I've got this down." I assured her, tossing the damp robes asides and managing to pull on dry ones, "See? I'm so good, its like magic."

I giggeled, and began drying out my hair with my wand, until it was sleek and shiney once more, flowing neatly down my back, though I kept giggling in an intoxicated manner periodically.

"What's the joke?" Carla asked curiously after the fifth or so giggle I accidentally let slip.

"I don't know!" I said honestly, "Its all just so funny, ya hear?"

"Er, not exactly." Carla smiled uncertainly, "What's funny?"

"Life!" I chuckled, and ignored the slightly concerned looks from my house mates and contented myself with trying not to throw up until the time to depart for the feast arrived. The girls and I walked down the staircase, Carla hanging back to hold my hand as to make sure I didn't have another tumble. I looked at her, her face smiling at me, and I wondered if perhaps I had judged too soon, if maybe she was not so phony, is maybe she could be a friend. I squeezed her hand, hoping it said more than I could bring myself to say about how much I appreciated the gesture. Though, upon reflection the surge of feelings I experienced was due to my alcohol intake more than my gratitude.

"No problem, Bella," She nodded, understanding, and beaming, "Its what friends are for. You introduced me to Roddy Lestrange, I owe you."

"Cool." I beamed back in return, not at friendship this time, but at the fact I was owed a favor. She would be needed someday, and I knew it was the right thing to do, to make friends with her, with this Carla Dolohov, and though I still do not know why, I know the moment of her usefulness will reveal itself in due coarse.

We met the boys in the common room, and together we headed towards the Great Hall for the Halloween feast. The decorations were extroridinary, from the massive jack-o-lanterns, to the live bats fluttering about the enchanted ceiling, and the tapers that glowed orange around the various house tables. We found seats along the Slytherin table, chatting brightly about quiddich and how delicious the feast promised to be. Lucius and I could not sit beside each other as per usual, so I found myself beside Lestrange and Carla, with Severus and Rozelle immediatly across from our places.

"Hows my little drunkard doing?" Lestrange teased as we sat down, I could see Lucius, several places down with Avery, Rosier, and Dolohov scowl at the possessive pronoun used by Lestrange, but this of course went unnoticed to everyone but myself.

"Getting less tipsy now, thank you kindly." I replied, stifiling a firewhiskey induced giggle.

"You're still a bit drunk if you're actually saying 'thank you'," He chuckled good naturedly, "Because the Bellatrix I know doesn't have manners."

"I'm offended!" I pouted, folding my arms, waiting a little impatiently for the food to appear as more and more people arrived filling the great hall, in awe of the magnificent decorations.

"If you're offended, wee Bella, maybe you should try having manners more often, and not exclusively under the influence of alcohol." He whispered, his eyes glinting in the orange glow of the tapers.

"You're different from Lucius," I said, softly in return, the firewhiskey speaking for me.

"Is that a fact? How so?" He asked, curiousity etched in every syllable.

"You-" I paused, unsure exactly what the words were that I grasped for, "You're so... light. You make me feel light, too"

"Is that a good thing?" He smiled

"I... well, I don't know." I stammered uncertainly.

"I'd very much like to kiss you, Bellatrix, female warrior." He said in a whisper so soft I wondered if I had heard it at all.

"Too many boys," I mumbled back, "I can no longer keep track of you all. I just, I need some time to figure out how I feel. I've loved Lucius for so long I don't know who I am without him."

"You're Bellatrix Black." He stated simply, still wearing a playful smile, "And you're perfect."

"I'm quite mad, actually." I assured him, laughing slightly.

"I know," He laughed as well, "Everyone knows."

"Its a bad thing, you know." I informed him, unable to surpress a grin, "But its who I am, and I'm selfish, and arrogent and devoted to the Dark Lord, and Lucius has connections to the real Death Eaters, his father is one."

"My brother's a Death Eater," Lestrange replied lightly, "His name is Rabastan."

"Roddy and Rabastan?" I snorted, "Nice alliteration."

"Bellatrix Black?" He reminded me, smugly, "Nice alliteration."

"You're witty." I said, amused, "I like it."

Before he could say another word, however, Headmaster Dumbledore stood before us, clearing his throat before speaking

"Happy Halloween, ladies and gentlemen!" He announced, his eyes smiling down from his half-moon spectacles, "And enjoy the feast! Trick or treat!"

The food appeared in huge amounts, hands flew everywhere reaching eagerly for various dishes displayed before us. I found, though still tipsy and very light hearted, I was not hungry. I picked absent mindedly at my roast potatoes, garlic chicken, and corn without appetite. I felt young, for the first time in a very long time: young and slightly drunk. The world felt so full of oppertunity, so full of more than merely Lucius, and instead of the prospect of life without Lucius seeming frightening, it seemed inviting, but that was the firewhiskey thinking, the firewhiskey and a long, and confusing day.

I fell asleep tonight thinking things I could have never thought that morning, things about Roddy Lestrange.

And then, two hours into the night I woke up, feeling ill, and found myself kneeling before the toilet, sweating and vomiting. It tasted of firewhiskey.

So now I write at nearly midnight, still slightly hungover and mesmerized by the day that has just passed before me. I know this was an unusually long entry, but with the plans, and the successes, and the confusion, and the new associates, there was simply so much I had to put into words, for who can I go to to discuss my life in such detail? There is not one person I can visualize myself approaching with the entire account of today's events. Perhaps Andy is things were not the way things are.

Sometimes I feel so alone, and that there is this peice of me missing, something empty inside me, something I desperetly search to fill. You see, dear diary, I am made of fragmented peices, like a soul that has been torn apart in horcruxes, and each person I can share a peice of my soul with, but no one can see the entirety of my soul. Except you, diary, but you are not a person.

Love,

Bella


	9. Pumpkin Rolling?

Author's Notes: hey guys, thanks for reading :) This story is moving along nicely, and the chapter after this will unfold a lot of the situations that have been developing :) Please review, or I won't even know if anyone's bothering to read :(

thanks guys!

November 4th,

Dear Diary,

Yesterday evening was my date with Gideon.

I hadn't seen him since the afternoon at the Three Broomsticks, so a small part of me was anxious that he would have changed his mind, not shown up, left me standing at the entrance of the library for hours alone and confused while he had a laugh in the Gryffindor common room with Fabian and Justin Wood. However to my immense relief, he showed up only 3 minutes late, smiling brightly as his eyes caught mine and he approached the doors I leaned against, smiling casually back at him with my arms folded neatly across my chest and my long hair flowing around me smoothly.

"Hey, Bella." He greeted enthusiastically, "I was hoping you wouldn't forget about me, I haven't seen you around much the past few days... just a glimpse or two in the Great Hall at mealtimes, but you're surrounded by Slytherins constantly, don't you ever get sick of their company?"

"Oh yes," I lied, grinning, "Its so refreshing to be with you, so I can finally be myself."

"Fabian doesn't know we're meeting, by the way, it'd just give him an excuse to get started one of his tireless rants," Gideon explained with a chuckle, "He has a temper, himself, he does. I'm sorry you got on the wrong side of him, I know how rough that can be. We had a fight as kids once and he turned my blanket into a sheet of iron. I nearly suffocated, and my mum went nuts, shouting at little 6 year old Fabian about not almost murdering his older brother."

"I don't think he's changed much," I snorted coolly, "I bet he'd love to suffocate me with an iron blanket."

"Haha, probabley," Gideon agreed, shuffling his feet and looking around vaguely as we stood awkwardly outside the library, "But thats his mistake, innit? You're not who he thinks you are."

"Your friend at the Three Broomsticks didn't seem so convinced," I said thoughtfully, tossing my hair back over my shoulders.

"Ah yeah, well Justin's a hard man to sell, but he came around a bit towards the end," Gideon insisted earnestly, "He reckons I'm being noble and too trusting by taking a bit of a liking to you, but he's a judgemental git as far as Slytherins are concerned. Its just stubbornness, you know? Your cousin Sirius has a streak of it in him, himself I've noticed. I like him a lot, you've got good blood if he's any indication."

"Yes, definitely," I tried to keep myself from resorting to shouting about how loathsome Sirius Black was, biting my tongue furiously, and deciding the only way to keep my temper in check would be to change the subject, "So did you really want to study? Because its not curfew yet, and I thought we might take a stroll around the ground, its not too cold and I brought my jacket, in case you liked the idea..."

"Its great!" He nodded with enthusiasm, "Just let me get mine -accio coat!- it should arrive any second now from the Gryffindor tower, and ah yes there it is..."

"Shall we?" I asked, extending my hand towards him, waiting anxiously. For a second I thought he would not take my hand, and it would fall back to my side rejected, my heart skipped a beat at the mere notion of rejection, I didn't think I could stomach it from an unworthy blood traitor, for as sickening as the prospect of touching him seemed, his rejection would strike me much more harshly. However, he took my hand in his own, without hesitation, and we set off for the doors, walking out into the brisk night. It was cool without being cold, and the wind was chill without the hint of frost. The stars speckled the sky, a dusting of glitter across a black canvas above us as we walked along, headed in the direction of the black lake beside the looming castle we called our home.

"So, how's everything with Lucius Malfoy now?" He asked, concerned, as our we casually sauntered across the dying grass of the school grounds, the lake growing ever closer.

"We just avoid and ignore one another these days," I replied, faking the pain in my voice, "Its hard to adjust to it, though. Sometimes, I think I miss him, but I don't really. He's no good for me."

"That's right, you're better off without him," He encouraged, squeezing my hand slightly as we reached the edge of the lake and began to walk along the waterside, glancing at our outlines in the smooth dark surface below us, "You're handling this with a lot of strength, its remarkable."

"It was coming for a long time, I just could not handle his life style." I sniffed as though trying to hold back my tears.

"Your bravery rivals that of some Gryffindors I know," He said seriously, though a smile was evident in his eyes.

"You're only saying that," I said modestly, looking away as though shy, "I'm so silly for staying with him for so long, it was so cowardly."

"Look at me," He said firmly and I turned to face him, feiging a look of innocence with wide eyes and a mouth slightly open, my cheeks rosy from the cold.

"Yes?" I asked, locking my eyes into his and I felt his hands clasp around my face, and his lip lock as tightly as our eyes had, his mouth becoming a part of my mouth. I felt a wave of sheer revulsion at his touch, the touch of a traitor, the touch impurity, but I reminded myself, kissing him back with force, that I was doing what I was doing against traitors, and for purity and I was able to refrain from betraying my disgust. When we pulled apart we were both breathless, and shivering slightly as the cold of the night intensified.

"I've been thinking about how that would feel since I laid eyes on you at the Three Broomsticks." He admitted, his face flushing a soft shade of scarlet.

"So," I began, a playful smile playing about my lips, "How did it feel?"

"Great," He answered feverently, "I'm sort of speechless. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about a girl."

"Really?" I asked, shocked and thoroughly amused, though I hid it quite well. He was falling for me. This was even better than I could have hoped for, it was bloody brillant, "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"No, Bella," He shook his head, "Only you..."

We kissed again, his hands around my waist and mine around my neck. I closed my eyes tightly and imagined he was Lucius, though it hardly helped. I pretened he was Roddy Lestrange... it felt more tolerable. The kisses tasted like blood traitoring and pumpkin juice. I'll never drink pumpkin juice again, I swear. They lasted for varying intervals, but we remained in one another's arms for nearly half an hour. In my mind I was with Lestrange, they were the lips of Lestrange, his hands were the hands of Lestrange, and his scent of something like autumn and soap was, I comvinced myself, the scent of Lestrange.

"I like you." I lied as we broke apart, gasping for the cold air, our cheeks bright red and our skin covered in goose bumps from the cold.

"I like you too, Bella." He beamed, his smile so sincere I almost pitied him. Almost.

"This was much better than studying," I whispered in his ear that had gone red from the harsh winds whipping against our faces, "I'm glad we came out here."

"Me too," He concurred immediatly, carressing my cheek with a gentleness and degree of reverence I was not accostumed to, "You look half frozen though, we should get inside."

"Certainly, I am a bit chilly." I consented to hold his hand once more and allowed him to lead me back along the water's edge and across the rough dying grass, back through the main entrance, down the tiled halls until we reached the portrait that would lead him back to his common room. He turned to me, just as I turned to walk back to my own dungeon common room and reached out for an embrace which I quickly returned.

"When can I see you again?" He asked, as we pulled apart.

"How about we go to the astronomy tower Saturday night at 8?" I offered, smiling in a frightening imitation of sweetness.

"Great," He kissed me on the cheek, "I'll see you then, beautiful."

and with that, I walked off, hearing him mumble "Phoenix Feather" to the fat lady's portrait, and making a mental note of their common room password. I then returned to my own common room where Lucius, Severus, Lestrange and Dolohov awaited anxiously for details of the brief outing. I explained the night, which included mainly disgsuting snogging in freezing tempertures, which resulted in laughter from everyone but Lucius.

"That's disgraceful, brush your teeth, wash your filthy mouth out." He snapped.

"I'm doing this for the DEY, you know," I said irritably, "You could show a little support for the plan that you sanctioned."

"I'm sorry I'm upset that my girlfriend is off snagging some nasty blood traitoring scum," He sarcastically muttered, glaring down at the dungeon floor. Sev, Dolohov, and Lestrange looked at one another awkwardly.

"I'm not enjoying it anymore than you are, Lucius!" I spat furiously, "It makes me positively ILL, dammit, and I don't need you reminding me of how unpleasant it all is. And I don't need the rest of you laughing, I'm only doing what I have to for the DEY!"

"You'd do anything for the DEY, Bella, its all you care about," Lucius sneered, "You're hardly the same girl I fell inlove with, you're so indepedant, short tempered and obsessed with nothing more than your own personal glory!"

"You're the same bloody way!" I shouted, incensed, "We're Slytherins, what in Merlin's name did you expect?"

"I expected more of you, but I can see now that I was mistaken, and I'll lower the standards I once held you to!"

"I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU, FOR THE DEATH EATER YOUTH, FOR EVERYONE, ITS ALL PART OF THE BLOODY PLAN!" I cried, unable to maintain even a semblance of calmness, "YOU CANNOT BE MAD AT ME FOR SOMETHING YOU SANCTIONED, SOMETHING TO BENEFIT US ALL THAT I AM FORCING MYSELF TO DO! I'M THE ONE IN THE UNPLEASANT SITUATION, I'M THE ONE DOING ALL THE WORK AND YOU'RE THE SULKY BASTARD I COME HOME TO! WHY CAN'T YOU SUPPORT ME, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU APPROVED THE STUPID PLAN IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"Lower your bloody voice!" He said urgently, "You want the entire common room to know what we're up to, you daft woman?"

"I DON'T CARE!" I stormed away, headed for the girls dormitory, before turning around with a few last words, as I was positively seething, "YOU'RE SUCH A GIT, LUCIUS!"

I was too angry to sleep much that night, I kept turning over and punching my pillow, imagining it to be Lucius' snide face, or Fabian's furious one, or Gideon's love struck expression. It was all too much, I was starting to lose it entirely. My life felt like it didn't even belong to me anymore, it was all tangled. I wanted to go home, as hot tears burned behind my eyes. I wanted to go home to walk the gardens in the welcoming warmth of a sweet summer evening with the Lucius I used to love, and return to the manor to find Andy demanding to hear every detail about my night, laughing and listening, her eyes intent on everything I said. I wanted her to look at me the way she used to, before the falling out. And I wanted to watch mother tucking Cissy into bed, wishing Andy and I good night, and then I would fall into a calm sleep, with sweet dreams, knowing that the next day Andy and I could read in the shade of the trees in our gardens, and I would see Lucius in the afternoon, watch him fly, kiss the lips I loved so deeply, plan our future with the Dark Lord, that future I had believed in so certainly.

Diary, nothing is certain any longer, this I am certain of.

Love,

Bella

November 5th

Dear Diary,

This evening contained the usual Friday night detention, which this evening included the group of us picking pumpkins out in the chilly grounds, watched grumpily by the rouge of a game keeper, Hagrid. Of all our successive detentions, this was the one I had been dreading most acutely, for Lucius and I had not spoken since our fight on Wednesday night after the faux date with Gideon. With Lucius furious with me, Severus and Dolohov being his best friends and the deep set hatred for my felt by the Gryffindor's, I felt very alone as I walked a little behind the rest of the group towards the pumpkin patch behind Hagrid's rustic hut.

"Now ye migh' notice that we 'ave some slighty large pumpkins 'ere." Hagrid grunted pointing to the three dozen pumpkins that stood the height of a hippogriff and the width of a round dinner table and therefore I had decided 'slightly large' qualified as quite an understatment, but the game keeper blundered on, "I want yer all ter roll them across the ground there over to the greenhouses, ye hear? Yer can find me in the hut if ye be needin' me."

"Thanks Hagrid!" Potter grinned widely, "Can we use magic?"

"Yeh, go on then," He grinned under his wild beard, "But don't levitate them, it'll be on yer heads if they break!"

"Thanks Hagrid, mate!" Sirius replied jovially, beaming up at the game keeper who returned the smile, wished the Gryffindors good bye and sent a warning glance to myself and the other Slytherins before retiring for his pathetic little hut.

"Lets get started, shall we?" Ted suggested after a moment where we all stood still and silent in Hagrid's wake. He was the first to charm his pumpkin to roll effortlessly to the greenhouses, though he jogged along beside it, to ensure its safe delivery. The rest of us began following suit, each selecting a pumpkin, charming it, and running beside it on its journey across the grounds slightly muddy from the rain that had fallen softly and coldly over the castle that morning and had settled into frost before melting as the sun rose at day break.

"This isn't so bad!" Sirius said, racing his oversized pumpkin against Potter's laughing as they ran, their footsteps deep in the mood they splattered behind them, "Come on James, last one to the green houses smells like a rotten Snape!"

"I only know one Snape, and rotten isn't a strong enough adjective to describe his odor!" Potter shouted, running a little behind Sirius towards the finish line of the greenhouses. I jogged slowly behind mine in step with Severus, watching the scene unfold, and recognizing the warning signs for trouble.

"They think they're funny do they?" Snape hissed, running behind them, slightly muddy from the ground they flung up behind their running footsteps.

"We KNOW we're funny, Snivelly." Sirius corrected him, coldly, as he reached the side of the greenhouse a fraction of a second before Potter.

"Aw man," Potter panted, coming to a stop behind Sirius, gently turning his pumpkin off its side, and clutching a cramp on his side, "I sure am out of shape for a brillant quiddich player, innit?"

"Oh no James, you were so close! You aren't out of shape at all and brillant doesn't begin to describe your quiddich talent" Pettigrew squeaked, running to join them, balancing his pumpkin that had a strangely flat left side and kept threatening to tip over, and laying it to rest a few feet farther than it should have been from the green houses.

"If Pettigrew didn't have his nose so far up your arse, he would be saying otherwise," Snape sneered, settling his pumpkin beside Potter's as I set my own down behind Sirius's

"Jealous?" Potter snickered.

"Hardly, Potter," Snape laughed without amusement, "What is there to be jealous of? A loser with an inflated head?"

"Watch it, Snivellus," Potter threatned, "I have a wand, and I'm not afriad to use it."

Fabian, Ted, Lucius, and Dolohov had all now arrived at the greenhouses, settling in their own pumpkins, and stopping dead, gazing at the two boys who had drawn their wands. James and Severus circled each other, hatred of great measure was depicted in both their cold expressions Sirius pulled his own wand from his robes, watching from the side uncertainly, eyeing Snape with loathing and distrust. I noticed Lucius had retrieved his wand as well, staring at Potter with a bitter, challenging smile that he could not see with his eyes blazing into Snape's. I had not spoken a word all detention, merely rolled my first pumpkin in determined silence for a change, not eager to bring attention to the fact Lucius and I had been rowing, but I realized then that I would jump to Sev's and Lucius's aid if need be, and I found my hand wrap itself firmly around the wand I had tucked into my robe's pocket, as Fabian did the same.

Tonks looked pleadingly at his friends, clearly sick of the fighting that broke out when the group of us was forced together. We always tended to explode, we were toxic when mixed. Just as some potion ingrediants produce explosions and should never be put together in one cauldron, the group of us should be separated, we were a bad potion, and one day the explosion would cause quite a bit of damage, I was sure. But what's wrong with a little damage? Or a lot of damage? I grinned maliciously at the oncoming battle. 'Let it come' I thought viciously 'Give me a reason, any reason to curse you all into pieces, to escape from the burden of this aggression I've been carrying the past two day... Just give me a reason.' And then, I reasoned- why did I need a reason? And without further ado, Potter was hit with a leg locker curse and fell swiftly to the muddy ground.

"What in the bloody name of Merlin was that about?" Potter growled as Sirius administered the counterjinx quicky, and he sprang back up to his feet, looking irate, "I wasn't going to attack you!"

"You were going to attack my friend." I shrugged, my voice full of cold rage that had nothing to do with Potter's aggression toward's Severus and everything to do with my own unhappiness, though I would have rather snogged Potter's blood traitoring lips than admit it.

"And?" He demanded sharply, attemping to brush the mud from his robes, but only managing to smear it across them "What are you a Hufflepuff now, Black? Let your oddball of a friend fight his own battles and mind your own bloody business!"

"Bella, back off, I can handle it!" Severus mumbled in a defeated tone, glaring at me darkly.

"See?" Sirius chimed in, using a falsely bright voice, "Snivelly here can fight for himself, so stand aside."

And with that Potter caught Severus off guard with a a spell that made his eyebrows grow rapidly over his eyes, obscuring his face, and he aimed a spell blindly at Potter that exploded his pumpkin. The seeds and orange mess from inside the pumpkin covered James, Sirius, Peter, Ted, and Fabian immedialty, who turned outraged to Snape, all but Ted and Peter, pointing their wands and shouting different spells, he managed to deflect with a sheild charm.

"You git!" Sirius exclaimed angrily, "We weren't supposed to hurt the pumpkins!"

"Then maybe you should refrain from starting duels all around them," Lucius drawled, sneering at the Gryffindors who remained covered in the remnants of the exploded pumpkin.

"Great advice, Malfoy," Potter snapped, sarcastically, "'Dont start duels around massive pumpkins' I'll take that to my death bed, I will."

"You jest, but maybe if you could control yourselves you wouldnt be covered in pumpkin guts," Lucius sniggered along with Severus and Dolohov, "Not that I'm complaining, its certainly an entertaining start to an evening of detention."

"Don't give us any rubbish about self control, Malfoy," Fabian retorted venomously, "You can't control yourself enough to resist shagging the nutter standing beside you. She's good looking and all, but she's certifiable. Maybe you're just in it for the sex, but anyone caught dead with her must be a total fool, utterly moronic."

"Funny you should say that, Prewett." Lucius's lip curled, and I knew he was thinking of operation FTF, and felt myself smiling as well, more widely than when the Gryffindors were doused in pumpkin innards.

"Why's that funny, Malfoy?" He asked hotly, "What are you on about?"

"I do believe you'll see in due coarse, but Bella and I are not longer together." He replied, shooting me a cold stare which I could not decipher as serious or a product of the plan. "It was her choice. And you may have a point about her sanity thing, but the sex was fantastic, you should give her a try sometime."

"Fuck you!" I yelled, losing myself in a fit of rage, turning my wand on Lucius and sending him flying backwards into the mud where he landed with a loud thud. I opened my mouth in shock at what I had just done, my eyes widening in surprise, as did the eyes of everyone else. The grounds were silent as the Gryffindors eyed the pair of us scathingly, their amusment mounting that we had turned on one another, publically and cruelly, "Lucius, I didn't mean- I'm sorry- It just, I just, I didn't know what I was doing..."

"Shut up, Bella." He ordered, his voice without any trace of the warmth I once knew, "Get back to rolling the damn pumpkins, we have a task to do, you idiots, stop standing and staring uselessly."

We worked in relative silence, transporting the pumpkins dutifully as the night wore on, and tempers began to run high once more. I was fuming, and all the initial shock and remorse for cursing Lucius gave way to pure fury at how he had been treating me. I was doing all that I could to contain myself and maintain composure, focusing my energy on pumpkin rolling which was, unsurprisingly, quite unsatisfying.

"Row, row, row your pumpkin gently across the grounds," Potter began singing an hour or so later.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream!" Sirius added, brightly, as he and Potter lazily strolled beside their slow moving pumpkins while I hustled past them, jogging along my own, "All right there, Bella?"

"Yes," I said, stiffly, already a good few feet ahead of him.

"You look right upset," He called after me, his voice far from concern, boardering on open amusement, "What happened between you and Voldemort Junior over there, anyway?"

"He's hard the jr. version of the Dark Lord, Sirius!" I called over my shoulder, "And its none of your ruddy business!"

He let it drop then, and without further incident we managed to safetly transfer each pumpkin to their new home by the greenhouses. NIght had long since fallen over the icy grounds and it was with no further ado, we all hurried back towards the castle doors, shivering with chattering teeth, hurrying for the warmth that the castle promised. I walked proudly and determinedly infront of the rest of the group this time, nearly running to hold my lead, and was met by a rush of relief as I was the first to stumble happily into the beautiful heated castle, followed closely by the Gryffindors.

"Sorry to hear you're so upset Bella," Fabian said in a tone of mock concern as he fell into step behind me while I slowed my pace to catch my breath, and then added in an obnoxious and wicked voice, "NOT!"

This was met by laughter from this fellow Gryffindors who passed me, taking care to knock my shoulders as they strutted off to their common room. I glared ater them too exhuasted to fight now, and reminding myself Fabian would get what was coming to him.

"Bella?" Lucius asked, his voice portrayed a mixture of anger and concern. I stopped abrupty and turned around, hoping he was going to sweep me up into his arms and make me feel the way I used to feel, to fix all the damage, to erase every unpleasant thought, "I'd like a moment, if you can spare one?"

"Yeah, all right." I agreed as Severus and Dolohov continued a quick pace on their way to our dungeon common room.

Lucius lead me into a quite, dark classroom and lit a few candles as I seated myself atop a dusty desk. It was a classroom used infrequently that had currently fell into a state of abandonment, and bore the inmistakable signs of neglect. I watch him ignite the few candle stubs remaining along the wall of the room where I had settled and after they had began to burn slowly, I sat himself on the desk beside me, watching me carefully, as though examining my expression, searching inside my eyes for something he couldn't find.

"Listen, I had to say we broke up, so when Fabian finally hears about you and Gideon he won't ruin everything by remember that we're madly inlove." Lucius explained quickly, his voice tired and aggrivated "And I had to act like I was mad at you so it would be believable. You know I don't think you're any crazier than anyone else, and I'd rather make out with a house elf than see Fabian try to have sex with you, it was all just some things to say in the moment to be convincing, I'm sorry it caught you off guard, but you reacted like I'd just murdered your child, or something. It was immature, inappropriate and rude. I want an apology."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," I conceded in a barely audible mumble, "I was just upset."

"I understand." He nodded curtly, not looking into my gaze any longer, but watching the flickering fire in the candle nearest to where he sat.

"About our fight the other evening-"

"Forget it, Bella." He waved his hand in a dismissive manner, "I love you."

"Love you too, but-"

"Drop it." He said, his voice final and dangerous, so I reluctantly sighed and accepted the hand he held out for me to hold. Together, we walked back to our dorms, the hour growing late, and the candles in the corriders dwindling. I had to write before i went to sleep though, you see, because I didn't want to forget it all. I am so emotionally wrecked, I might just sleep all day tomorrow, or through the entire weekend. My heart and mind have never needed so must rest.

Love,

Bella

November 7th

Dear Diary,

The weekend is now drawing to a slow close as the sun sets blood red beyond the mountains. In the distance, the last of the birds are sweeping across the trees of the forest, resolute on their journey south for the winter. Imagine having that sort of freedom, to be able to fly through countries to whereever you please? To decide on morning that it was too cold outside, and you'd like to just head south, and all you had to do was chose, and off you could fly, beyond the ruby red of the setting sun, to warmer ground.

I must truly be going mad, because I am jealous of the sparrows outside my window. Jealous of a bird? I'm mad, diary, entirely mad.

Anyway, yesterday nigh brought with it winds of such freezing intensity, that I was happy Gideon and I would be meeting not on the grounds, subjected to the wrath of the coming winter air, but more comfortable in the astronomy tower. However, this too was cold, and mainly exposed to the elements, and therefore I was relieved when, after 3 minutes shiver together, he suggested we sit on the steps below the peak of the tower. We left the bitter wind behind us, and sat side by side on a slightly uneven stone step, shutting the door behind us and absorbing the warmth of the castle. He had spread his arm across my shoulders, stroking my long hair gently as we talked quietly of the quiddich match to be held next weekend, the first match for both Slytherin and Gryffindor of the year. He seemed to be laboring under the delusion Gryffindor would flatten us.

"Come on, Bella, Potter is brill!" Gideon coaxed, convinced of his own mistake, "Support Gryffindor!"

"I'm not too fussed about quiddich really, but I do support my house, Gideon!" I said, pouting when I really wanted to push his blood traitoring arse down the flight of stone steps.

"But Lucius is on your team, and he's an utter git!" He protested, smiling down at me.

"I could say the same for half your team!" I retorted, sily desperatly trying to keep my anger in check, "I mean Potter? He's such a tool, he really is. I don't think your friend Wood likes me either, and he's captain, right?"

"Ah, well, he's coming around, Bella," Gideon assured me, now leaning his face closer to my own, I could see each individual eye lash, the gentle curve of his lips, the slightly flush on his cheek bones, "He's the only one who knows about us, and he's kept it a secret for us, he's well sound, really. And a damn good captain."

"If you say so, Gideon." I replied, unconvinced, but before I could continue we were engaged in a long succession of kisses, during which I pretended as assuringly as I could, that it was Roddy Lestrange... I mean Lucius... well, no I DO mean Roddy Lestrange, but don't tell anyone. I wondered, in the throws of wild passionate kisses with this blood traitor, where Roddy was, what he was doing, who he was talking to. I found myself hoping he wasn't anywhere near Carla, and I found myself wondering, if he might be wondering about me too.

I then nearly vomitted, for I was kissing a blood traitor and daydreaming about a quick witted git who was not Lucius, my boyfriend, the reason I was even in the DEY, the reason I knew to devote myself to the Dark Lord, the man I've loved for so long, that my love for him has become a part of me, a part of my life that cannot be ripped away without leaving a void.

I was so confused, I nearly cried while our mouths were still glued together on that cold stone staircase before the astronomy tower.

"What time is it?" I asked rather breathlessly after a few more moments.

"I don't know," He shrugged, "Getting bored of me already?"

"No, never," I said quickly, kissing him lightly on the lips, "I just wondered when you were going to tell everyone about, well, us."

"You want me to announce to everyone that we're snogging?" He grinned mischeviously.

"Maybe not, then," I said, thinking how much better it would be Fabian walked in on us, instead of hearing it directly from Gideon, and decided to back track a bit, "I just want to know you're not ashamed of me, being a Slytherin and all that."

"Nah," He shook his head, his long hair swaying across his bright eyes, "How could anyone be ashamed of you, Bella? You're gorgeous, smart, a great girl to kiss on dark stairwells, you have it all."

"You're a sweet talker," I whispered, vomitting slightly in my mouth, fighting the instinct to laugh wickedly and curse his head into a pumpkin.

"Sweet girls deserve sweet talkers, B." He whispered back, kissing me once more, and I managed to hold back the rest of the vomit, threating to flood upwards by thinking of Roddy. When we finally stood up to walk down the stairs, I was emotionally exhuasted, and wanted very badly to scream, to jump down the stairs, to hit him, and I was not entirely sure why. I was just overwhelmed, it was all too much, too much to pretend. But I held it together, for the DEY, for Lucius, for operation FTF, for Lestrange...

"You look upset," He noted keenly, observing my face with a gentle kindness I was not accostomed with, "What's wrong, beautiful?"

"Nothing, nothing," I waved away his concerns, "When can we see each other again? I must admit, I find myself rather excited whenever I'm in your company, Gideon. I never would have thought I'd fall for a Gryffindor."

"Monday night, 8pm sharp, under the staircase on the fourth floor... for some conversation and kisses," He grinned, planting a gentle kiss atop my forehead, and I felt the skin where his lips had brushes grow hot, "You know, I never thought I would fall for a Slytherin, but you are so much more than that."

With those final words of parting, he disappeared down the corner to where I knew his common rood would lay waiting. I made my way down the stairwell into the dungeon of the Slytherin common rooms, and bypassed Severus and Dolohov who were seated by the fire, books open and quills scratching furiously at half empty peices of parchment, and headed straight to my dorm, where I flung myself onto my bed, closed my eyes and found a sweet solace in slumber I could not find in waking.

However, even the solace in my sleep is short lived these days. I found myself involved in a dream of obscenely strange measure. It was so vivid in detail that it was entirely indisconcernable from reality. It was naught more than a series of images, like a series of moving photographs that you existed within, but upon waking, I found myself shuddering at the memory of that which was not even real. It wasn't real, I told myself, it was just a dream, just a dream...

I saw myself behind a hooded mask, my eyes the only visable feature on my face, and they glared through the slits, then the scene changed, and laying before me were two figures, their faces nothing more than blurs, but their screams of immeasurable agony echoed inside my head piercing through me, and then there were these demantors, taking me away, and I saw Roddy and Barty Jr. and a man I don't know, and we were struggling before crossing this gray ocean. Then I was in a cell, alone, shouting until I had no longer had a voice, before the scene changed at last to a man's cold laughter, and a green light hitting his chest, and he disapeared, beyond a tattered veil, and I was happy, thrilled infact, my scream of victory utterly a shriek of joy

"Bella!" Carla was shaking me fiercly, "Wake up, Bella, you were just screaming... a happy scream... was it a good dream?"

"No," I shook my head, dizzied from the visions, "I don't know, I mean. I'm sorry for waking you..."

"No matter, its morning now." She said brightly, "Get dressed and meet us for breakfast in the Great Hall, and uhm, feel better."

"Er, thanks," I replied groggily, and jumped out of bed. The dream has haunted me all day, whenever my mind rests the pictures come back, as vivid as they had been the night before. I setteled in the common room with Lestrange, Lucius, and Severus after breakfast, intent on finishing some lingering essays. I remained unusually silent as the day wore on and to my annoyance, Lucius kept asking if I was ill

"She's caught blood-traitor-itis." Lestrange teased, "Kiss a Gryffindor, become ill with the serious disease of blood-traitor-itis. Symptoms include becoming easily distracted, looking miserable, planning on signing your own death certificate, insanity, reckless 'bravery' also known as stupidity, and finally death at the hands of the Dark Lord. Its an incurable afflication, I hear."

"You're a moron," I told him, unable to surpress a small smile.

"Okay, so what IS your excuse for this oddly quiet behavior you seem to be exihibiting?" He said crossly, "It is most unlike you, you haven't been rude to a single person all day, not even a mudblood or a first year Hufflepuff, so what's the deal? Tired of your mission already, unable to stand the presense of such a foul little traitor? Throwing in the cloak? Ready to resign your wand, you big quitter?"

"No, for your information, as sickening as this job is I am handling it with the utmost of grace, persuasion, and bare in mind no intentions of surrender. I said I would complete this mission, and complete it I will." I replied, angrily, "I just don't have much to say right now, that's all. Weird dreams last night..."

"Yeah Carla mentioned you woke up screaming and thrashing about in your bed," He laughed, "Hot sex dream?"

"NO," I gritted my teeth, "It was a nightmare... or something like that... I don't really know. But there was definitely murder involved. and torture."

"Kinky" He chuckled, while Lucius rolled his eyes and Severus snickered openly.

"It wasn't like that, Lestrange," I growled, "And when did Carla tell you about my sleeping habits?"

"At breakfast, we chatted for a bit before you came down to join us," He replied off handedly, "Why do you ask, Bella my dear?"

"Just wondering," I said in a would-be-casual voice, jealousy bubbling viciously beneath my half hearted smile.

I finished my essay for misery charms for Flitwick after another hour or so, when Lucius departed for quiddich practice, Sererus accompanied his friend Mulciber to the library, and I found myself alone with Lestrange. I grabbed my transfirguation book and pretended to be intently fascinated by human transfiguration, though he must have noticed my eyes rereading the same few words repeatedly.

"What'cha working on, buddy?" He asked over his potions essay, "Do you require my assistance?"

"No, Lestrange," I replied in a dignified tone, "I am quite capable of doing my own homework. Why are you offering anyway, are you my house elf or something?"

"I'm your friend," He corrected me, smiling, "Friends help out friends, its a rule."

"You're not my friend, you're my associate." I corrected him now, my voice sincerely aloof, "I don't need friends, Lestrange, I am not a Hufflepuff."

"Yeah, yeah," He chuckled quietly, "We're friends and you know it. Too proud to admit to having a friend, Bella? Thats a bit excessive, isn't it? Open up a bit, give me a hug."

"No," I looked at him as though he'd gone completely mad.

"Why not?" He asked, laughing at my revulsion and holding his arms out towards me, his eyes glowing brightly, almost alluringly.

"What do you want a hug for?" I demanded, holding my transfiguration textbook tightly to my chest, as a shield.

"Just come here," He laughed harder than ever at my reluctance, "Its really not that difficult, even for you, Bella."

"For Merlin's sake, why do you pester me so?" I sighed, my exasperation evident in my voice, but I avoided his eyes, knowing that if they met mine I would be unable to oppress my natural urge to smile.

"Hug me," He demanded simply, and moved forward, wrapping his arms in a clumsy embrace around my waist, knocking us both to the floor, laughing slightly, "And that Bella, was a hug."

"I was well aware of the definition of a hug," I replied as he climbed off of me, "I just didn't want to engage you in one."

"For what reasons?" He demanded, his warm smile never faltering.

"Because you infuriate me," I replied, still holding my book tightly to me as though it would protect me from him, from myself.

"Yes I do, and you love it." He grinned and got to his feet, "I'm going to go watch the quiddish practice, I could use a bit of fresh air. Have fun, and if you get bored feel free to join me. Its cold outside, I may need someone to warm me up." 

"And how would I warm you up, Lestrange?" I asked suspiciously, unsure if he meant what I thought he meant, part of me hoping he did.

"I can think of a few ways," He winked and began walking towards the exit of the common room and I stared after him, my eyes wide in indignation and fury and... excitement? I am a horrible girlfriend. The second he left the common room, I checked the immediate vicinity for potential onlookers, and upon deciding the coast was clear, I extracted you from the bottom of my book bag and detailed the weekend with what is, in my opinion, shocking clarity.

I find myself staring at the door he walked out of nearly an hour ago, as though he would appear again then soon, force an embrace upon me, and smile while looking into his eyes and scoop me into his muscular hands and fix everything that has gone wrong in my life lately. But then again, I would curse him if he tried to scoop me up, if he so much as touched me again, for I remain still in shock from the hug.

What is it about him, diary? Why am I betraying my plans and my future with these throughts of treason? I need a good nights sleep, one absent of haunting vivid nightmares, and soon everything will start to make sense again and Lucius and I will be madly inlove, Fabian will be crying over Gideon and I, and I will return to cursing mudbloods and first years in Hufflepuff. It will all be the same again, I'm reassuring myself, but part of me knows that this is just the beginning of the landslide of changes threatening to fall down upon us, like a cold steady rain. This is only a hint of what is to come, and I find myself longing for the simpler days. And then I curse my foolishness, for this is what I've always wanted: Glory, adventure, success, to be in the service of the Dark Lord. It will all come true, and it will be beautiful, and I must learn to adjust and ignore the pang of haunting dreams.

I bid you farewell, diary, and I hope that next time I write, I will find myself in better spirits.

Love,

Bella


	10. The Green Hallway

Authors Notes: Hey guys, here's another chapter for ya :) This is the beginning of a series of events that will change Bella forever, so I hope you like it!

Please, please, please review or I won't know if anyone is reading, or if its any good. It means a lot to me to have reviews.

so, I hope you enjoy!

love,

your author

November 20th

Dear Diary,

It is 2 Fridays passed my previous entry. My life seems to have deteriorated into nothing more than Gideon Prewett and Friday night detentions, and this is hardly how I imaged my 6th year at Hogwarts, rife with blood traitors and endless punishment for defending what I believe in. No really, my life is getting a bit banal, even to me, so I do apologize for not writing every day, but if living my life is boring, I would dream that reading about it would be even more so and I do not wish to subject my beautiful little diary to rich and inescapable boredom.

Gideon is a trusting fool who is getting a little too fresh with where he puts his blood traitoring hands. Mostly, we just snog and talk lightly of our friends, quiddich, or lessons. Sometimes, though, he allows me to catch this glimpse into his heart, pouring out the tragedy of his family loss, the burden of trying to help raise Fabian and Molly, and the weight of his perfection. He says its hard to be a prefect, hard to be following the path of an aspiring auror, hard to hold onto his beliefs when the world is questioning his every move. I stare at him when he talks of such things, completely wrong footed and speech less and will often just grab him and kiss him so he'll shut up. I do not like these talks of pain, strength, and his personal journey, it makes me a bit nausous. I say very little about myself to him, afriad to let him see any part of me, for then my entire facade might then unravel and I'll be left with nothing but my lies before the plan is a success.

Moving on from my sordid faux love life, detention last Friday merely entailed lines with McGonagall that read "I am only as strong as my weakest fellow classmate." Though I wrote that disgusting excuse for a sentence 300 times, I do not believe a single syllable of its utter nonsense. Muggles running around in costumes on Halloween demanding candy from strangers makes infinitely more sense to me than those lines. McGonagall might consider a taking healthy dose of sanity with her morning coffee if she holds by that statement, its enough to make even Ted raise an eye brow in skepticism, and Ted Tonks is all about nonsense like that.

Detention tonight, however, demanded that the group of us water the greenhouses, once again chaperoned by Hagrid, who once again instructed us on how to water each plant properly before retreating to his pathetic excuse for a home on the other side of the chilly grounds. The evening began quietly enough, as they usually do. The Gryffindors were watering one side of the greenhouse dissolved in conversation, and the Slytherins were opposite them, in silence.

"So, I'm seeing someone new now," Fabian announced proudly, his voice carrying with its air of smug pride over to our side of the greenhouses.

"Who's the lucky girl, Fabian?" Sirius asked, curiously, "Do tell!"

"You all know Ludo Bagman?" Fabian asked, still sickeningly proud.

"You're dating Ludo Bagman?" James cried out, "Ludo Bagman is the lucky girl?"

"What?! No!" Fabian's voice changed immediatly into one of annoyance and disgust, "I'm dating his little sister, Lucie, you git!"

"And Lucie is okay that you're also dating her brother?" Sirius asked seriously.

"I'm not dating Ludo Bagman!" He shouted, sounding highly irritable.

"You're dating Ludo Bagman?" Lucius sneered, turning around to face the Gryffindors, "I thought Ludo would have had better taste than the likes of you, best of luck though..."

"Oh shut up, the lot of you!" Fabian turned back to watering the venemous tectaculas and the green houses grew quiet once more. Perhaps 30 minutes passed without incident, with the Gryffindors merrily discussing the quiddich match where James had caught the snitch right under Lucius's nose, and the Slytherins whispering brightly about how well operation FTF had come to fruition.

"Meeting tomorrow night," Lucius reminded us happily as we began watering hellebore plants, "Its going to be an important one too, we have a lot on our plate to discuss as of late."

"The Carrows want to come too, Lucius," Dolohov informed him, as he tapped his watering can with his wand to refill it and returned to the plants before him, "Amycus and Alecto, they heard Muliciber bragging in the common room and decided they want in."

"Alecto?" I snapped before Lucius could start to reply, "That 5th year girl?"

"Yeah, Alecto Carrow." Dolohov replied absentmindedly, "Why?"

"She's fat!" I hissed, angrily, "What use do we have with a fat Death Eater?"

"She can eat a lot of death?" Severus offered earning sniggers from Lucius and Dolohov.

"Besides, Crabbe and Goyle are huge and we tolerate them okay," Lucius reminded me, shrugging, "What is with the sudden vendetta against fat people, Bella?"

"Not all fat people, just her," I scowled, "She's annoying too. Can't we just let Amycus in? He seems all right, and he's of normal weight."

"I see what's going on here," Lucius drawled, slightly amused, "You want to be the only girl, don't you?"

"Well, okay- YES!" I glared defiantly at him, as he set down his watering can to regard me with open amusement as I continued on, "I want to be the only girl, I like it that way and I was here first. Besides, she IS fat and annoying, just tell her we only want Amycus!"

"It wouldn't kill you to make a few friends who are other girls, you know," He smiled, shaking his head in amused disbelief.

"I have Carla!" I replied, angrily.

"That's one, Bella, all your other friends are blokes," Lucius sighed, still smiling, "Give her a chance, we need all the members we can get. You're still special, of course, you're the only good looking girl in the group, so cheer up. We're not in the position to be turning away members, especially seeing as we do have Crabbe and Goyle and they're not half as bright as the Carrows."

"The Carrows are not the sharpest unicorn horns in the heard either, though," Dolohov chuckled, "But they're infintely more talented than those Crabbe and Goyle brutes. Lighten up Bella, Alecto is no competetion."

"I didn't mean- Its not that, I mean... I just like how it is now!" I stammered, irritably, "Don't go messing with a potion that isn't congealing, you know, we should just keep things the way they are..."

"Progress, Bella," Lucius said in an infuriatingly superior voice, "Is a huge component to the DEY, and I'm not letting you stand in the way of progress because you like being the only girl. I'm sorry, I love you, but BOTH the Carrows are welcome."

"FINE!" I slammed my watering can down, glaring at the three boys and stormed on to water the next row os plants, ignoring them entirely. The Gryffindors who had stopped their conversation and turned around surprised at my outburst began snickering from across the greenhouses, their smiles slightly malicious for boys who claimed to be "noble" as they regarded the four of us with obvious amusement.

"Rowing again?" Fabian jeered, setting down his own watering can in favor of starting a fight.

"Mind your business, Prewett," Lucius replied coldly, "Because I dare say, you haven't been paying your own personal affairs enough attention... you're missing things, things even we know about."

"Things like, WHAT, Malfoy?" Fabian snapped, his voice betraying no emotion but his eyes widening slightly in alarm, "What are you babbling about?"

"I am not at liberty to say," Lucius continued, that superior note in his tone again, "You'll see eventually, and then we'll see who feels like a fool."

"It won't be me!" He snarled.

"I have to correct you, there, Prewett," Severus laughed, "I just hope I'm there when you find out, it'll be a brillant moment, it will."

"FIND OUT WHAT?" Fabian demanded, furiously now.

"Don't get your robes in a bunch, Prewett," I smiled sweetly, "We promise, you'll find out soon enough. Now get back to watering like a good little Gryffindor, its not noble to be yelling like a madman instead of doing your work, dear."

"I swear to Merlin, Bellatrix Black, I will be the one to drag you into Azkaban," He said darkly, "And I'll be the one to sentence you there for life, and you'll rue the day you ever crossed me, you bitch."

"You heard, Bella, get back to work, Prewett," Lucius ordered, turning back to his own watering can.

"I oughta-" Fabian had grabbed his wand and began to raise it, but Ted and Sirius had grabbed his wand arm and lowered it forcefully.

"Come on, mate," Sirius said consolingly, "Let it go, they're not worth it. Just wait until they're rotting in Azkaban, don't get yourself into trouble on their account."

"Whatever," Fabian said, pocketing his wand and detention ended 45 minutes later, without further arguements. As we left the greenhouse into the air that promised a morning coated in frost, I was still seething about Alecto Carrow and shooting both Gryffindors and fellow Slytherins alike cold glares. They were all scum to me as we quickened our pace towards the doors under the attack of the bitter wind. I made up my mind then, that if Lucius wasn't going to prevent Alecto from joining, I would take it into my own hands to prevent her from staying. And I would do it in my own way, and she would regret the moment she ever asked Dolohov to join.

I did not linger in the common room that night, but raced immediatly up to my dorm, and was relieved to see Carla laying in bed, lazily flipping through her charms book. She looked up when she saw I entered, and she along with Rozelle and Jessie who were changing into their pajamas, greeted me brightly, asking how detention had been that evening.

"It was awful, as always," I replied quickly, and moved on, "Do you know Alecto Carrow, Car?"

"A bit," she replied, yawning, and closing her charms textbook, giving it up as a bad job, "She's a 5th year, and a bit chubby. I suggested a weight loss potion once and she chased me out of the common room, brandishing her wand like a common mudblood shouting some threats, and I haven't talked to her since. Why do you ask?"

"She's trying to join the secret group I'm in," I confessed, sitting on the edge of her bed, and scowling at the floor as though it personally was responisble for Alecto's desire to join, "I don't want her there, she seems annoying, and she's fat... and well, I rather liked being the only girl and now she's intruding on my territory. I want to make her quit, seeing as Lucius refuses to turn anyone away from membership."

"Just be yourself, Bella," Carla laughed, "I mean, just say whatever's on your mind disregarding her feelings entirely and I'm sure she'll run out of the first meeting in tears, too afriad to come back... Also, offering her weight loss potions seems to illicit an unpleasant reaction!"

"What if all that doesn't work?" I pouted, looking up at Carla who appeared to be deep in thought, "I couldn't hurt her... could I?"

"Don't attack your own side of the fight, Bella!" Carla chuckled again, "Just see how that works out, and then follow your instincts, you certainly don't need advice on how to hurt people from what I've seen. I would hate to be on your bad side, Bella, I think I'd just leave the country."

"That's the reputation I want among my friends," I laughed as well, and stood up from the bed stretching widely, "But yeah, thanks. I like the weight loss potion idea."

"Anytime, of course," Carla promised, grinning, "Sweet dreams now, Bella."

And soon all the lights were extinguished and I snuggled into my covers, retrieving my wand, quill, ink, and diary and detailing the events of this evening to you, dear diary. Now I must retire to sleep, for tomorrow's DEY meeting is due to be one of importance, and I need my rest. As Carla said, sweet dreams.

Love,

Bella

November 22nd

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, the Saturday leading up to the DEY meeting that night was relatively uneventful. Lucius, Lestrange, Avery, Mulciber, Severus and I ate breakfast and then we settled down at the quiddich pitch watching Lucius's practice until lunch. I was careful to sit beside Lestrange and not Lucius at both meals, as is the new fashion incase Gideon happens to be around. We passed the afternoon beside the fireplace in the common room, half-heartedly working on essays, though our feeble efforts were often interupted by conversation that perked up every few minutes. It was no surprise, therefore, that I had barely finished half of my potions essay on moonstones. Dinner was an expidiated affair, for we were all anxious for the meeting to begin.

And begin it did, at 8pm sharp in the usual dungeon classroom.

"Welcome everyone, to the weekly Death Eater Youth meeting," Lucius began. As always, the two of us sat on the old desk, looking out at the crowd who sat restlessly, watching us with searching, excited, eyes. To my displeasure I noticed Alecto Carrow in the back row, beside Amycus and Avery, and her eager expression making me feel positively nausous. As though reading my mind, Lucius continued onward, "And I would like to thank our new members, the Carrows, for coming to our meeting today, its a pleasure to have new faces join us. Now, operation FTF has been a booming success: Little Molly Prewett looks over her shoulder every five minutes, and Gideon is falling madly inlove with Bella, or at least fancies her enough to try and put his greedy hands in places he shouldn't on their bi-weekly rendez vous. Now, I think the time is ripe for some action, to reach the climax of operation FTF that has been buiding for weeks now."

"Here, Here!" Lestrange cheered, "Let's catch this snitch and win this game!"

This was met by a round of feverent agreement and applause, which died down before Lucuis spoke again, "Good, I'm glad we all seem to be on the right page. I think its time to give Molly the never-ending laughing potion, don't you, Roddy?"

"I've been ready since we bought it, was only waiting for you to give me the green light, boss," Lestrange beamed, "When shall I put this plan into action?"

"Dinner, Thursday night." Lucius's eyes shone in anticipation, "We want the entirety of the Great Hall to see it."

"It says it wears off after 10 minutes of straight laughing, just enough to nearly suffocate the blood traitoring brat," Roddy informed the room, his smile more pronounced than ever, "I was thinking, as previously planned, the note would say something along the lines of 'Next time you almost die, there will be no 'almost' and no laughing', just to really freak her out, ya dig?"

"Yeah, perfect," Lucius ploughed on, "And later that night, while Fabian's already in a tizzy, we'll have him walk in on Bella and Gideon. She already set up a date for them that night, they'll be in the secret passage to the kitchens, near the Hufflepuff common room, snogging each other's brains out when Fabian will walk in on them, and he and Gideon will have a huge row about Bella, because poor Gideon is convinced she's a brave woman who is highly opposed to the Dark Arts and wants nothing more than to run away from Slytherin, become a Gryffindor and become a filthy blood traitor herself."

"He must not be very bright then," Severus snickered, along with several others.

"He got 10 OWLS, Sev," Lestrange stated quickly, "He's just a typical Gryffindor, trusting, loyal, noble enough to help a damsel in distress, depsite her reputation."

"Yes, now the next morning at breakfast, Fabian gets a letter saying 'I love Bella, you are no longer my brother- Fabian' and they row, maybe curse each other, and then Fabian is bound to turn on us... He'll look crazy, and know we've gotten to him. And as for us? Well, it'll be a misson complete, and a huge success." Lucius finished, smugly.

"Detention with him next Friday after that is going to be quite a treat," Severus sneered sarcastically, "He's going to try and curse our heads off, especially Bella's. We're going to have to be on our guard a bit more after the plan goes through. I know he's a Gryffindor, but he has quite a nasty temper."

"I'm not afriad of Fabian Prewett," Lucius laughed coldly, "He's nothing, we've proven he's weak and he will be completely wrecked after operation FTF, he will be a mess."

"He'll be reckless," Severus said softly, but firmly, "And reckless men do reckless things."

"We'll procede with caution, Sev," Lucius said curtly, "But whatever he does in a reckless state of mind will only damage his reputation as the golden boy, and one angry Gryffindor is hardly a threat for the Death Eater Youth. I'll just keep an eye out on Bella-"

"No one needs to keep an eye on me, Lucius," I corrected him defiantly, "I can take care of myself. I'm not scared of little Fabian Prewett, I'd love the chance to curse him into oblivion, so let him try to duel me. I'd honestly love to see him try."

"You're mad," Lucius chuckled, and I noted several faces smile and nod in agreement, "But all right, I certainly won't get in your way, and I pity the fool who would dare attempt such a feit."

"Good," I snapped, stubbornly, still glaring at him.

"Now, I was thinking that after operation FTF we don't have anything planned, so for our next order of business we must discuss who are next target should be," Lucius said, ignoring my glares, "I now open the floor up to discussion, please everyone, share any ideas."

"Potter or Black," Severus suggested darkly, "We cannot ignore the blood traitors Potter and Black."

"Severus, please leave your own personal vendettas at home," Lucius sighed with annoyance, "They are rather irrelevant. Frustrating blood traitoring gits? Yes. But threats? Certainly not. We already got Potter's broomstick, anyway."

"You do not know Potter and Black as I do," Severus stated angrily, "I am not merely suggesting them because of personal reasons, they are going to join Dumbledore and fight the moment they're out of school! And if we're finished with Potter for now, why not Sirius Black? He has not been touched by our group, and he thinks himself invincible, and we should correct that misconception."

"Sirius wouldn't dare fight against the Dark Lord, against his own family!" I growled, but knew that Severus was right, "But.. maybe we should go after Sirius Black. Who better than he? He is the epitome of a blood traitor, is he not?"

"Bella speaks sense for a change," Severus nodded immedialy, "Why do you object to Black?"

"Fine, if no one can come up with a better idea..." Lucius looked around the room hesitantly, waiting for more offers, but when none came, he spoke again, "Then we have our newest target- Sirius Black. We are dismissed for now. Good luck on the events of this week, and I'll see you all next Saturday with ideas about Sirius Black! Leave in fours in 3 miute intervals, and can the Carrows join me at the desk for a quick word?"

The room began to disperse, and the two Carrows slide their way along to desks to join Lucius and I at the desk, where Lestrange, Dolohov, and Severus lingered as well, lounging carelessly atop the ancient wooden desks with Lucius and I. The two Carrows mere existance irked me something forceful. Alecto was short and overweight, though not in an unhealthy way. She looked strong for a girl of 15 and had a very round face with small features, except for rather wide muddy brown eyes. Her brother, Amycus was a 7th year like Lucius and Gideon. He was a little below average height as well, and less muscular than his younger sister, with very sallow skin that reminded me, cringingly of Severus. He shared his sisters eyes, though had a broader nose and a higher defined mouth. They both looked brimming with eagerness, they had a sycophantic gleam in their mud colored eyes that inflicted me with the desire to curse them both out of the dungeon. I merely glared at them, however, heading Carla's advice about not attacking those on my own side.

"Hello, Malfoy." Amycus said brightly, "Its been a great meeting, mate! I truly appreciate the work you have all been doing here, its such a relief to know others see things the way Alecto and I do."

"Indeed, its always a comfort to know there are more purebloods who understand the ways of the Dark Lord," Lucius agreed, "Now you must swear to keep everything in this group secret. It is of highest importance that we operate with confidentiality. I need you to sign this enchanted parchment, and if you betray us to the enemy, you will be cursed most unpleasantly."

"Give it here, old chap," Amycus grinned, and signed immediatly, passing it to Alecto who did the same. "Now, I intend on keeping my promise, but what happens to any poor soul who betrays the great Death Eater Youth?"

"They will be cursed into silence," Lucius's lip curled, "That is to say, they will lose there voice for about 3 months. It seemed fitting, because the second they reveal one secret they will be rendered incapable of speech to reveal anymore. I owe the credit of this brillant idea to Severus, and we've all signed it."

"Smashing idea, Severus Snape," Amycus complimented, inclining his head in Severus' direction, "I am pleased to be in colaboration with such bright minds!"

"It is a pleasure, indeed," Alecto said in a deep voice, speaking at last.

"Thank you both, truly," Lucius bowed his head ever so slightly, his voice lacking in sincerety as he turned me, smiling slightly in a cold fashion, "Bella, have you met Alecto? You two should be great friends, as you are the only two girls to join up thus far."

"Hi," Alecto greeted me, attempting a small smile that turned into a look of anxiety upon the glare I sent her in return, "Its, uhm, great to be introduced, I've heard a lot about you..."

"What have you heard?" I asked, crossly, folding my arms over my chest, my glare never faltering.

"Just that you're very brave, you know, a really good addition to this group..." She trailed off as I snorted impatiently.

"Thanks, I wish I could return the compliment, but the only thing I've heard about you is that you were rude to my friend Carla Dolohov when she offered you a weight loss potion, which I must admit you could do with..."

"Excuse me?" Her large eyes narrowed angrily, "I also heard you were a bitch, and I guess that was an accurate desciption."

"Trust me, love," I grinned maliciously, "I know that, and I'd rather be a bitch than be fat."

And with those final words, she stormed from the dungeon, biting back furious tears.

"You're supposed to leave in a group of four!" I called after her, giggling to myself.

"Well, I have never seen someone so rude!" Amycus stated harshly and turned around immediatly, following after his livid sister, and disappearing from the dungeon in her wake.

"That was un-called for, Bella," Lucius glared repprovingly, "It was unnecessary, rude, cruel, and it reflects poorly on the entire DEY! Can't you even feign a semblance of maturity every once in a while? I mean, calling her fat? We WANT new members, Bella! The Dark Lord, WANTS new members!"

"Not members like that, surely!" I scowled with disgust, "They're pathetic! What use could they possibly be for anyone?"

"We don't know yet, because they've only been to one meeting and you made one of them cry!" Lucius retorted, looking positively irate.

"Well, if she's weak enough to cry over a couple rude comments, she certainly isn't strong enough to be in this group, or in the service of the Dark Lord!" I yelled, rolling my eyes in exasperation.

"Merlin's beard, Bella," Lucius shook his head, not even looking in my direction any longer, "You're not even sorry, are you?"

"Of course not!" I laughed in disgust, "I have nothing to apologize for!"

"You're not a nice person, Bella," Lestrange chuckled quietly.

"So what?" I rounded on him, my eyes glinting with anger, "Who out of us is a 'nice' person? Who wants to be nice, anyway, when there are so many BETTER THINGS you could be? Its mad to strive to be 'nice' when you can be strong, respected, powerful, rich, pure, important... 'Nice' is pathetic!"

"You're mad," Lestrange chuckled still, "But you do have a point."

"I don't care if she has a bloody point!" Lucius cried, pounding his first on the desk, sending stray dust into the dingy dungeon air, "Bella, you have to control your ruddy temper and stop being a bitch to people on OUR side! Save it for the blood traitors!"

"You cannot order me around, Lucius," I jumped off the desk, refusing to look back at him as a I strode quickly to the dungeon door, "I am not your bloody house elf, and I do no have to do anything you tell me to! Save it for spineless, brainless gits like the Carrows!"

"You're supposed to leave in groups of four!" Roddy called back, teasing me lightly, which I ignored, gritting my teeth as I flung the door open and entered the desserted corridor. I leaned against the wall for a moment, fuming, and closing my eyes against the dim torch light, breathing heavily as though I'd just run a mile. Seconds later, before I had fully composed myself, Roddy pushed the door open.

"Hey, Bella," He greeted me, smiling in a fiendly manner, "I thought I'd have to run to catch up with you, I'm pleased you paused to take a breather."

"What do you want, Lestrange?" I demanded, bluntly.

"Nothing, just thought you might fancy a walk and sometime to vent to." He grinned at me, and took my hand in his. I pulled it away from his warm grasp immediatly, shocked, staring at him with an expression of disbelief, "Aw come on, Bella. You can squeeze it as hard as you like, pretend its Alecto Carrow."

"Fine," I agreed, accepting his outstretched palm, "But I'm squeezing hard, in fact I may break some fingers."

"Thats fine by me, Bella," Lestrange smiled merrily as we began walking together, hand in hand, down the empty hallway, "Whatever makes you feel better."

We passed along the torch lit stone passage ways in the depths of the castle for several minutes in silence. I squeezed his hand viciously and yet, he did not flinch. I felt my respect for him grow slightly, though he glanced at me every few moments, a curious smile on his soft lips as he regarded me from the corner of his gentle blue eyes.

"Why did you want to accompany me on a walk, Lestrange?" I asked, softly curious as we passed a smaller, darker, empty stretch of hallway.

"Please Bella, do call me Roddy," He insisted brightly, as we walked at a slow, leisurely pace, "And I wanted to make sure you didn't cause a scene, you know? No one wants you finding Alecto in the common room and force feeding her a weight loss draught, not that it wouldn't do her some good, but..."

I laughed, warming despite the chill in the underground hallway. I stopped and sat, collapsing from slight exhuastion on the cold stone floor. Roddy followed suit, sliding into seat beside me, squinting at me in the dim light, as the torches here seemed to burn very low. Everything had a green hue to it, as the flames in these torches burned strangly green, and if I was not with Roddy Lestrange, I registered that I may have felt some sense of fear, but I felt entirely at ease.

"I don't think you came to find me because you were worried I'd attack the Carrows." I mused thoughtfully, staring at him in the green lighting, watching the corners of his mouth twitch.

"That's the reason I told Lucius," He chortled almost inaudibly.

"But not the real reason you were coming to see me?" I asked, searching his smooth handsome face.

"What do you think, Bella?" He was grinning now, and looking over at me expectantly. I chose not to reply, but to look away from him, to look into the dancing low green flame of the torch flickering on the opposite side of the wall. I wondered how many other people talked in quiet voices in this dungeon corrider, watching the green lit sparkle and flicker, dance and threaten to burn out. I wondered how many of those people were Slytherins, how many were girls, how many were confused. I felt myself grow slightly ill, and wondered how long we were going to sit there. It was so deep underground, I was certain, that no time was passing. It would have been impossible to disconcern, had we not already known, whether it was night or day. It was always green here, simply green, this corridor reflected passage of time.

"This is a strange corner of Hogwarts we've found ourselves in," I remarked after a minute or two, daring to glance at him again, to see that he too was fixated on the fire of the torch.

"Isn't it?" He agreed thoughtfully, "I like this fire, I can't look away."

"It could be dangerous," I said, mostly to myself, though I was still enchanted with its strange beauty.

"Some of the most beautiful things often are," He smiled slightly, and turned to look into my eyes, that stared back though caught off their guard, "Like roses, or unicorns, or love, or... well, like you, Bellatrix Black."

"Call me Bella, everyone calls me Bella..."

Our eyes were locked in intensity, it was a deeper connection that I ever shared with Lucius, for we could communicate without speaking, we were one and the same as long as our eyes met. We drew closer to each other, shadows playing across our faces from the torch light, his smooth white skin glowing slightly green. His blue eyes looked deeper, shadows flicking across them like waves in the ocean. We were very close now...

"When are you breaking up with Lucius for me?" He asked, the second before our lips touched.

"Pardon?" I jumped up, hitting the back of my head against the hard stone wall in surprise, "Pardon me, Lestrange, but what delusion are you laboring under? Break up with Lucius? Are you bloody mad? Lucius and I are, we're... well, you know, we're inlove."

"Inlove?" Roddy barked a bitter laugh, "Inlove? You can barely say it, nevermind feel it! You're inlove with me and you know it, Bella, you know it! You were about to kiss me, if I hadn't royally blown my chance like the idiot I am. But even you must admit-"

"I admit NOTHING!" I shouted, scowling darkly, "We were NOT about to kiss, I don't know what confundus charm you're under..."

"Fine," Roddy laughed sincerely, "You can pretend, but its only a matter of time. Its only a matter of the number of orders he demands of you, the number of lectures he gives, the number of stupid mistakes he makes before he looses you, the best catch an aspiring Death Eater could get. And I, of course, will be there the moment you finally walk away from the self righteous git into my open arms."

"You're his best friend, what do you think you're doing, trying to steal his girlfriend?" I asked, shocked and incense by his audacity.

"I am most certainly not his best friend, Bella," He corrected me, smiling bitterly, "I take offense to that, I find him nearly intolerable. I mean, does he ever have a laugh? You need a man who isn't going to take everything so seriously! You need someone who can handle your, uhm, ways... You need me, basically. I'm the best catch an aspiring Death Eateress can get."

"How long have you been after me?" I asked curiously as he too, got to his feet, yawning slightly and stretching out his hand, motioning for me to take it into my own once more, "How long, Roddy?"

"Since I saw you for the first time... Back in the first year..." He laughed in an embarrassed fashion as I accepted his hand and we set off towards the common room together. He paused slightly before speaking again, "The sorting hat called 'Bellatrix Black' and I looked up from my spot in the queue at this little girl with the most shockingly determined and almost defiant look of pride on her cute little face. You wore an expression much too old for your age, and you walked with a grace that is most surprisingly in an 11 year old. You sat on the stool in a rigid fashion and almost instantly the name 'Slytherin' rang out in the Great Hall and I knew, of course, that would be my fate as well so I cannot even tell you how relieved I was. Not that I took you for a silly Hufflepuff, or blood traitoring Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw wouldn't have surprised me then, you had the air of intelligence, you see."

"How do you remember all this?" I stared at him, my mouth falling slightly open.

"Because it was important to me." He explained, and it may have been a trick of the green light, but i could have sworn I saw a slight flush appear on his cheeks, "I wondered, vaugely, all these years when you would finally take notice of me for being more than a friend of Malfoy's. I wondered how I might win your affection, how I might finally kiss you, or explain how I've always felt. I used to write you letters in the summers. I threw them away of course, never dreaming you would care to hear from me, but when I found out Rabastan was a Death Eater, you were the first person I wanted to tell. There's just been so much I've wanted to confide in you. And I've always known you would be mine, somehow, someday, we would be together. It was something I've never been uncertain of, even when you wouldn't even look at me in the hallways, when you didnt bother to say hello when I entered a room, I knew one day you'd be mine."

"How on earth would you ever know that so certainly?" I frowned, though my heart was racing with something undefinable...

"I just knew," He said unhelpfully, "It was just one of those things, Bella, like how from the moment you heard about the Dark Lord you knew you would serve him? From the moment I laid these eyes on you, I knew I'd be your husband."

"Husband?" I exclaimed, taken aback, "Aren't you getting a little ahead of things now?"

"No, Bella," He said smugly, lowering his voice as we drew closer to the common room, "You're just a little behind things."

I was too stunned to speak again, though I felt a pang of reluctance as we entered the common room and our hands broke apart. We left without a word to our seperate dormitories, and I threw myself onto my bed, clutching my pillow and biting my lip, feeling quite queasy and uncertain. I shook my head, trying to shake out all the feelings racing through my veins, but to no avail.

It is Sunday morning now, and dawn is slowly breaking. The ground is coated in a sharp icy frost, that shines like diamonds in the rising sun, and my heart beat is much to quick, it is a pace I can do nothing to slow, and it is preventing me from falling back into a restful sleep. I have never liked Sunday mornings, it is a time when you know the weekend is drawing to a close, a time when reality and responsibility remind you of your duties to school, a time when everything seems so still, so calm. I know the rest of the dorm will be waking soon, there yawns and sleepy hellos will break this cold silence, and I will tuck you neatly under my pillow and face the day.

I watch Carla, the bed next to my own, as she sleeps, her chest rising and falling rythemically in her peaceful slumber. She looks like my own reflection, with deliberate imperfections. Her nose is more rounded, her face is sharper, and her eyes are hazel and slightly bulging, but like myself she is fair with black hair, and often wears a sneer of indifference or contempt. I like to think, that if she was a bit stronger she would be my counterpart, and if I was bit weaker, I would be hers. I'd like to hope she grows stronger, but I know she will not, she has already chosen her path.

and I have chosen mine.

I can hear Rozelle beginning to stir now, so I must hide you away. You are my thoughts, my heart, my soul, and I must hide you for all of the innerworkings of my mind and spirit are to remain a secret from the world, for they could be my undoing. I love you diary, for you are the written extension of myself... and I do love myself.

Love,

Bella.


	11. A Promise is a Promise

Author's Notes: READ AND REVIEW :)

and enjoy, naturally.

love,

G

November 26th

Dear Diary,

Operation FTF has passed in a haze of shouts, hexes, sneers, and exhuastion; In other words, nothing short of expectations. Roddy managed to put the imperius curse on another 3rd year Gryffindor who spiked little Molly Prewett's morning orange juice when she wasn't looking. Within moments of Molly taking a hearty gulp from her glass, she began laughing. It was a soft giggle at first, only noticed by those seated on either side of her, and the Slytherins eyeing her maliciously from across the Great Hall. This innocent giggle, however, quickly grew to a chuckle, then to loud laughter that became obnoxious, before frightening, and then a roar that made nearly everyone in the room stare at her, agast. Her pale face slowly became pink, then maroon, and then a shocking shade of purple. The teachers had noticed after 7 minutes and rushed over to her aid. She looked on the verge of fainting when the laughter began to die down and she sank, shaking violently into her seat at the Gryffindor table.

"What is this?" McGonagall asked, snatching the note from the table. She read the note scrawled in scarlet ink, slightly reminiscent of blood, out loud to the entire hall, " It reads, 'Little Prewett, if you don't die this time, you will the next time. Though I doubt there will be as much laughing. Love always from the defenders of purity and pride.'"

A long pause followed the reading of the cryptic and aggressive note, with only the scattered chimes of dropped silverware, or the intake of sharp gasps. The atmosphere of the Great Hall had changed into one of unease and uncertainity. Though, I noticed, to my amusement the members of the DEY had triumphant smirks they failed to conceal on their smug lips, and I was certain my expression reflected the very same sentiments about the chaos unfolding before us.

"Who-," McGonagall began dangerously, her voice low, but loud in the silence of the hall, "-Is responsible for this disgusting act of cruelty?'

"THE DEATH EATER YOUTH!" Fabian cried out suddenly, jumping to his seat so abrupty he nearly turned over the entire table, sending food and coffee musg along with tall glasses or grapefruit or orange juice, flying through the still air. And indeed, the air did feel strangely still, as though it too was in shock.

"Er, the what?" McGonagall asked, her brow furrowed anxiously and quizzically as she regarded the furious younger Prewett brother who stood beside his table, breathing with a heavy sort of brimming fury.

"THE DEATH EATER YOUTH!" He repeated, his teeth and fist clenched, and he then rounded on the Slytherin table where I sat surrounded by the rest of the DEY, "Its this secret underground organization in this school! They're training to be REAL Death Eaters and are using their influence to play pranks on other students they deem as blood traitors, or something, and they need to be stopped because this time they have gone too far! Its the Slytherins, the lot of them- Bellatrix Black, Lucius Malfory, Rodophulus Lestrange, Severus Snape, Antonin Dolohov-"

"Excuse me," Slughorn cut him off quickly, "But, you are accusing fine upstanding members of the Slytherin house, members of this house who you personally have differences with, of immoral, illegal, and cruelty beyond their capabilities, Mr. Prewett. I am very fond of you, very fond indeed, but I am also fond of these fine, talented and ambitious children you accuse of terrible things that they would never-"

"THEY DO, THEY DO, ITS ALL THEM!" Fabian was growing increasingly hysterical, and I bit my lip to keep from succombing to ever growing laughter in the pit of my stomach, "THEY'RE MAD, BARKING MAD WITH PUREBLOOD MANIA! THEY'RE GOING TO BE DEATH EATERS AND THEY MUST BE STOPPED! YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THERE CRUELTY, THEY ARE HEARTLESS, SOULESS-"

"That will do, Mr. Prewett," Slughorn said, a note of finality in his booming voice, "I will be taking 20 points from Gryffindor for accusing several perfectly kind students of cruel acts with no evidence whatsoever and trying to besmirch their good names. I will not stand for such outlandish behavior, Fabian, you must control yourself!"

"But Professor McGonagall," Fabian pleaded, as every eye in the Great Hall rested on his face now displaying signs of desperation as well as fury, "You have to believe me, its them, I just know its them!"

"Prewett," McGonagall sighed heavily, "You heard Professor Slughorn, your behavior is unacceptable. I understand you're worried about your sister, but you cannot publically assert terrible things about respected and talented students without proof to support these slightly hysterical claims. Calm down, and you may escort Molly to Madam Pomfrey to make sure she's all right."

Without another word, the two younger Prewetts left the Great Hall, and silence, an uncomfortable extraordinary silence, followed in their wake. It may have been minutes or hours before people began talking once more. It began in whispers at first and grew to normal speech, that was soon followed by the clang of silverware against plates as dinner continued, without further incident.

"That," Roddy grinned, "Was bloody fantastic. He looked completely unhinged, didn't he? That was a success if I've ever seen one, we can read this predictible blood traitor like a book, its actually too easy, don't you all think?"

"Sure, it went well," Lucius nodded in agreement between nibbling absentmindedly on a buttered roll, "But he named names, and said the title of the DEY. How did he know anyway? Nosy git."

"Probably overheard us during a detention or summat, innit?" Dolohov asked after a hearty swig of his pumpkin juice, "Other than this audacity to actually name us, it was perfect. For teenagers, we're certainly showing them who is truly in charge. Our power is becoming rapidly more undeniable."

"For teenagers," Lucius said, his lip beginning to curl slightly, "I want to show them our power in a way that bypasses the simple acts of teenagers."

"Then we'll double our efforts on Sirius Black," Severus sneered, his eyes glinting coldly, "But do not diminish our success, Lucius, this was... as Roddy stated 'bloody fantastic'. Fabian won't think twice about messing with us again, but others more cowardly certainly will, and now we've gotten to him, broken him, given him a taste of the poison that he'll be drowning in one day."

"Yeah, I suppose this is a victory," Lucius agreed, not longer even paying the slightest attention to his half empty plate of food, "But next time, I want a to do something people will never forget, something that will be talked about with such fearful reverence our power will never be questioned again. I want to do something worthy of the praise of the Dark Lord."

"Now that, Lucius," I smiled, more warmly than usual, "Is what we all want."

He kissed me on the cheek, in a sweet manner I had forgotten he possessed. I avoided Roddy's eyes for the remainder of dinner, and went straight from the Great Hall to meet Gideon by the portrait leading to the kitchens. As I set off to my destination, I knew Barty Junior was hurrying to find Fabian, and tell him that Lucie Bagman was waiting for him with a surprise. To ensure he was not in close proximity to Lucie at the time, Severus had giving her a sleep draught he'd brewed and convinced her was a memory retaining potion for her upcoming OWLS, that would ensure her exhusation would lead her into a deep sleep in the Hufflepuff common room for the entirety of the evening.

I felt pangs of surprising anxiety as I made my way down towards the kitchen portrait. There was so much that could go wrong, and once Fabian caught sight of us, his reaction would decide the amount of success the plan had garnered. I would have no control after he saw us, none at all. And that, I believe, was the reason for the anxiety pumping through my veins down stream with the blood that grew cold at the prospect of failure.

I saw Gideon leaning casually against the wall before he noticed my descending figure along the path. His eyes were lowered in a manner that suggested thoughtfulness and, perhaps, anxiety of his own. But what would illicit his anxiety? I wondered vaugely as my footsteps caused his bright eyes to chance a look upward, and they fell on my face. His mouth twisted into a smile that appeared slightly forced.

"Hi, Bella," He welcomed me weakly as I leaned against the wall beside him. I could tell, just be standing in his direct vicinity, that he was shaking ever so slightly.

"Hello Gideon," I replied, in a convincing attempt at warmness, "What is the matter? You appear rather upset! I do wish you would confide in me, for I would like nothing better than to help you."

"You're sweet, Bella," He grinned a less constricted grin now, "I suppose you remember the events of this evening at dinner? My little sister! Your forrmer mates are after my little sister! As if what they did to my parents wasn't enough? I feel so hollow sometimes after my loss, so deadly hollow. But they never relent! They never consider the damage already inflicted! I swear right now, on the very heart I hear in my chest right now, beating so frantic and unstable it leads me to worry for myself as well, that I will never let them destroy me. Even if they kill me, I will never be destroyed because I will die a HERO. I WILL DIE A HERO."

"I'm sure you will, Gideon," I consoled him gently, though I was certain our definitions of 'heros' could not be more different.

"They can take away my family member's breaths and heart beats, but not their souls! Not their courage! Not their memories! Not their spirits! Nor can they rob me of mine!" His voice was labored with fury and breathless desire for justice, but he continnued onward in his diatribe, "They will never know love, and therefore it is them that I pity! Those who can take love away, must have never known love for themselves, or must not have it in their lives. I actually feel sorry for them, Bella, I know you hate them for what they put you through, as do I, but I pity them as well. They must be so unhappy, so miserable in their own sick excuses for a life in order to be able to inflict such pain onto others. They must have no sense of justice or morality, and therefore they are to be pitied."

I wanted to curse him right then, the moment he said we were to be pitied. I wanted to scream that he was the pitiful one, he was the pathetic one, he was the one who had chosen the loosing side. I wanted to kill him, to destroy all that nausiating hope he insisted upon burdening me with, but I held myself back. Soon, I promised myself, soon this charade would be over and worth every agonizing second of enduring his monologue.

"You are so passionate," I told him, stil on the verge of attacking his blood traitoring face, "Its a little... sensual."

"Is it?" He looked up, startled, "I love how you appreciate every aspect of me, Bella. Its like..."

"Its like what?" I tilted my head at him, curiously.

"Its like we were made for each other..." He paused, looking embrassed, "Was that too forward of me?"

"No," I shook my head, biting my lip to keep from exploding into a fit of malicious laughter, "It was the perfect thing to say. Now, kiss me..."

It was only a short whle after we first fell into a passionate embrace and fit of aggressive kisses that I heard two sets of footsteps echoeing softly in our direction. I moaned seductively in his ear to mask their sound, whispering sweet nothings as he moaned hungrily in return, tightening his hold around my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. We had subsided into feverent kissed once more when a scream of rage tore through the previously quiet air of the cheery underground passage way that lead towards the kitchens.

Gideon and I looked up simultaniously at Fabian's horrorstruck expression and Barty Junior's one of smug satisfaction. Fabian sputtered several swears loudly and rather incoherently. Gideon and I broke gingerly apart, unwrapping one another from the embrace we had just shared, stumbling in opposite directions of the hall. Fabian's eyes were piercing, and overflowing with livid, raw, emotion. Barty seemed to be choking bach laughter, as was I though I am certain I retained an expression of confusion and shock.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" He rounded on the three of us, glaring viciously from Barty, to myself, to his older brother once he finally regained composure for long enough to string together a competent sentence.

"I meant to tell you, Fabe," Gideon mumbled guility, his eyes once again lowered to the white tile floor beneath our feet.

"You meant to tell me, WHAT, Gideon?" Fabian demanded, striding forward until he was within an inch of his older brother. They were within an inch of each other's height, Gideon slightly taller, though looking very small in the shadow of his irate younger sibling. "Tell me you were off having some disgusting affair with the Slytherin Death Eater princess? What is wrong with you? Are you under some sort of enchantment? Have you been drinking copius amounts of the strongest love potion around? Are you under the bloody imperius curse?"

"No, its nothing like that," Gideon said in a very small voice, shuffling his feet shyly, "I'm honestly falling in love with her."

"YOU'RE AS MAD AS SHE IS THEN!" Fabian exploded, as Barty fell into a fit of silent giggles and leaned against the wall for support. I kept my expression calm, suggesting polite confusion, "SHE IS A MONSTER! SHE IS A FOUL, PUREBLOOD MANIAC, WHO SEES EVERYONE ELSE BENEATH HER! SHE IS A SICKENING EXCUSE FOR A WITCH AND SHE IS SCUM! YOU CANNOT SEE ANYTHING IN HER EXCEPT THE WAY SHE LOOKS, BUT EVEN THAT IS CORRUPTED BY THE DISGUSTING CREATURE SHE TRULY IS!"

"Merlin, Fabe," Gideon looked up, his own face showing signs of anger now, "Give her a bloody break. She's trying to get a fresh start, all right? You're bang out of order, judging someone you don't even know with such harsh, and inaccurate, assumptions! Ever since she and Lucius Malfory suffered a rough break up she's been trying to change her life around, and we sort of found each other..."

"YOU'RE MAD IF YOU BELIEVE ANYTHING THIS PSYCHOTIC BITCH TRIES TO SELL YOU!" Fabian's shouts were murderous now, and I wondered vaugely if it would be best for me to sulk quietly away from the scene of the arguement. Barty, seeing the danger signs as well, had already began to sneak back up the path to safety. I hesitated, and began edging along the wall, towards the exit, but Fabian's eyes caught me swiftly, "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, YOU BLOODY SLUT? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TRYING TO SEDUCE MY BROTHER? I'LL TEACH YOU A LESSON OR TWO ABOUT MEDDLING WITH THE PREWETT FAMILY!"

"Protego!" I shouted immediatly, sheilding myself from the jet of purple light that had erupted from his wand.

"Now just a bloody minute, Fabe," Gideon's voice was dangerous now, "Do not attack Bella, she is someone I've started to care about and you should not let your personal bias stand in the way-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU IDIOT, SHE'S USING YOU TO GET TO ME!" Fabian declared, his eyes bulging in fury, and bits of spittle flying from his mouth.

"Oh?" Gideon glared coldly at his younger brother, stepping back, adding distance between them that did not exist before, "You think she's just using me to get to you? Because you think the whole WORLD revolves around you! I suspect thats why you're so horrible at astronomy, you keep labelling the sun as 'Fabian Prewett'. Get a grip on yourself, mate, you're embarassing both of us. And if you attack her again, I will attack you."

"How thick can you possibly be?" Gidein snarled, "And just because I didn't get an astronomy OWL and you did, doesn't mean you get to rub it in my face all the bloody time! One day, you'll realize she's a bitch who just wanted to trick you to piss me off, and I'll accept your apology if you're ruddy lucky enough! Until you realize what an utter git you are, to turn away your family for some maniac tart, I REFUSE to speak to you!"

"That's fine by me," Gideon answered back, harshly, "I refuse to speak to you until you apologize and support me! Mum and Dad wanted us to be happy! They would have wanted us to trust people!"

"WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY WOULD WANT, GIDEON!" Fabian's yells were so loud, his voice practically cracked under their intensity, "WE'LL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE BELLATRIX BLACK THEY ARE DEAD!"

And with those last, fleeting words of loathing and unmasked pain, Fabian turned and stormed away from the spot where Gideon and I stood, frozen and silent.

"What was he doing down here anyway?" Gideon asked, breathing heavily with anger from the confrontation, "And with Barty Junior? What was that all about? Its almost as if they were looking for us."

"Its a suspicious situation," I nodded in agreement, breathing heavily as well, but from the adrenaline of success, "This had been a terrible day for you, Gideon, I am so so sorry. Allow me to walk you back to your common room so you can maybe rest a bit? Or we could go to the infirmiry and find you a calming solution. We can do whatever you like, whatever will make you feel better. I can't smile if you can't smile, Gideon, dear. Let me do something to help."

"Oh Bella, you are wonderful," He said, his voice wavering with emotion and exhuastion, "I'm sorry you had to witness that, you must feel nearly as awful as I do, what with all the things he shouted about you. He was just upset, you see. Our parents, well, their deaths impacted us all in different ways. Fabian has become more reckless, and so, so angry with everyone. He's a great person, talented, kind, and loyal, but he always had a temper and its just developed to new heights. I'm sorry you had to see it, I truly am. I know he must have seemed like quite a prat, but he's one of the best people you'd ever have the pleasure to meet if he's not in one of his rages. I'll sort it all out, once me and him get back on speaking terms. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? You must be in quite a state, but you would do well to remember he didn't really mean what he said."

"I think he meant it," I laughed without amusement, "I think he meant the bits about me."

"Ah well, no he didn't really," Gideon lied without conviction, "I'll sort it out eventually, I promise. Are you tired? Would you like to call it an early night? I must admit Fabian's appearance certainly ruined the mood a bit."

"Yes, infact, if you don't mind I think I'd like to get some sleep. Its just been an upsetting evening, and I need some time to think things over, to recooperate." I sighed sadly, avoiding his eyes.

"Shall I walk you?" He asked, offering me his hand.

"No," I shook my head, still avoiding his eyes, "I'd just like to be alone for a bit. I'll see you, Gideon. I hope you feel better!"

"Yes, you as well," He replied, dispirited, as I began walking away, my legs taking large strides to get me away from the blood traitor as quickly as possible, though I heard him add before I rounded the corner: "Sweet dreams, beautiful."

"Yeah, you too," I called back, and as soon I was out of his sigh I broke into a sprint, not lacking my speed until I stumbeled, gasping for air after my long run, into the Slytherin common room.

Most of the Death Eater Youth was seated, anxiously around the fire, and all their faces looked up at me expectantly as I collapsed among them, my chest raising up and down rapidly as oxygen flowed once again through my system.

"Well?" Lucius drawled, tapping his wand against his parchment, sending green sparks flying upward, impatient for me to recount the events of the evening, "What happened? Barty Junior's not a Slytherin so he couldn't come to tell us, and therefore we've been waiting on you. Spare no details, we demand to be engaged in every moment from the second Fabian saw you, to the second to slumped into our circle most ungracefully."

"Shouldn't this wait until the meeting Saturday?" I smirked, knowing the lot of them were simply dying for my recount of the night.

"NO!" Several of them shouted in unison, eagerness and anxiety prevelant on all their faces, glowing with anticipation and the heat from the fire.

"Well, if you simply must know, you nosy bastards..." I delved into my explanation of kissing Gideon who had voiced his anger at the incident with Molly before hand, which aroused several sniggers from the group. I continued on to detail Fabian's initial shock and the heated arguement that had ensued between the two blood traitoring brothers. My audience listened, captivated until I finished dramatically with how I insisted I needed sleep and left him standing, alone and quite defeated in the empty hallway.

"Well, you have returned successfully, the way any true aspiring Death Eater should," Lucius smiled approvingly, "A job well done, Bella."

"This calls for a celebration!" Roddy exclaimedm "I can get some firewhiskey from the kitchen-"

"No, Roddy," Lucius grabbed Roddy's sleeve as he had already began to make his way out of the common room headed for whereever firewhiskey was waiting, "Listen, its a Thursday and we all have lessons tomorrow. After the meeting Saturday we can have a wee celebration for a successful endeavour, all right?"

"Yeah, that's well sound," Roddy beamed widely, "It'll give me more time to locate the materials we will require to fully immerse ourselves in celebration."

"Also known as, the amount of firewhiskey to get totally pissed?" Dolohov chuckled lightly, clapping Roddy on the back in a brotherly fashion.

"Naturally, Antonin, naturally!" He laughed as well, tossing his dark hair from his shining eyes, that reflected the firelight in a hyptonizing fashion, "Its the DEY way, you all see, we work hard and party hard!"

"That's immature, Roddy," Lucius scolded, but smile none the less, "Now, its growing late, and as a prefect it is my duty to usher you all to your perspective dormitories to bed. Good night, all."

He swooped in to give me a brief peck on my lips, and whispered "Sweat dreams" before departing up the stairs. I followed suit and climbed the stairs, into my dorm where my roommates lay already in the depths of slumber. I paused before embracing sleep to record the evening's events. Now, however, I find myself unable to resist the persistant beckons of sleep, and shall retire myself.

After this evening, I thought I would feel free of the burden of Gideon and washed with the glory of victory, but I feel as though the situation remains pending and though a battle plan was put successfully into action, the war has not yet even begun. I also find myself, ashamed to admit this, but wishing I had spent more time with Roddy this week. I cannot refrain myself from picturing this celebration following Saturday's evening and I imagine Roddy and I alone in our green hallway, entertwined in kisses and a strong embrace. I have chosen to ignore the feelings, though I cannot help but acknowledge their existance here, for admitting it to you is merely admitting it to myself, and I refuse to lie to myself. I respect myself much too much for that.

Love,

Bella

November 27th

Dear Diary,

I have only an hour before my detention tonight, so I will be writing in haste this evening. I must admit, I knew the weekend would be one that would result in exhuastion after the events of yesterday evening, but I did not know it would start this morning! You see, after breakfast Severus and I were walking to herbology together, chatting lightly of the party Roddy happens to be putting together for Saturday night, following the usual meeting when Sirius Black, my good for nothing blood traitor of a cousin runs up to the pair of us, panting lightly from trying to catch up to us before we had reached the greenhouses.

"Bella, I need to talk to you," He said, slightly breathless. The sun was bright this morning, though cold, and Sirius was shivering despite the soft rays of sunshine that caught his dark eyes in a flattering fashion. These eyes looked at me with an odd sort of imploring expression I could not convince myself to ignore.

"Fine," I conceded, tossing my hair over my shoulders and scowling, waiting impatiently for him to continue, "Go on then, Siri."

"I'd really rather we talk alone," He said stiffly, his eyes fixed loathingly on Severus, who returned his gaze with pronounced animosity, "Without Snivellus here, you know."

"Anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Snivellus- I mean, Severus," I corrected myself quickly, earning a glare from Severus, "Just spit it out, dear cousin, I haven't got all morning to waste away chatting with the likes of you."

"Its about Andy!" He snapped, his own impatience mounting.

"Oh!" I looked at him in surprise, expecting to have him lecture me on Operation FTF, and turned to Severus immediatly, "Sev, I'll see you in Herbology. Tell professor Sprout I'll be in a few minutes late... for family affairs."

"Bella-" He began to argue.

"Run along, Severus or I'll start calling you Snivellus as well." I barked, frustrated. He looked as though he was going to protest further, but upon further consideration merely scowled at Sirius and I before storming off to the greenhouses, his cheeks flushed with anger and the chill in the air. I returned my attention to Sirius, who was also watching Severus retreat, his lip curling with disgust.

"He's a foul little prat, Bella," Sirius shook his head, laughing coldly, "Even compared to you, he's a sicko."

"What's going on with Andy?" I demanded, placing my hands on my hips and staring up at him anxiously.

"She's moving in with Ted." He informed me, unable to surpress an evil grin, "This winter, she's moving into his house."

"WHAT?" I felt instantly ill, and rounded upon Sirius, my voice escalating by the second, "SHE IS 15! THAT'S BLOODY INSANE! SHE'S A 15 YEAR OLD PUREBLOOD MOVING IN WITH MUGGLES AND THEIR FILTHY MUDBLOOD SPAWN?"

"I knew you'd take it well," Sirius chuckled, "She asked me to be the one to give you the good news. I couldn't have been more pleased, I mean, why would I want to miss this reaction? Priceless, just priceless..."

"HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?" I shrieked, earning fightened and confused stares from third year Hufflepuffs on their way to Care of Magical Creatures, "HOW CAN SHE DO THIS TO HERSELF? TO THE FAMILY NAME? WHAT IF SHE... WHAT IF SHE MARRIES HIM, THIS PIECE OF TRASH? WHAT IF THEY BREED? WE HAVE TO STOP IT! WE HAVE TO-"

"We?" Sirius laughed even harder, though his eyes regarded me with distinct coldness, "We? You're on your own now, Bella. I am just your messenger. I don't give a damn who Andy dates, married, or breeds with as long as she's happy."

"You're as bad as she is," I sneered, "You're both nasty little jumped up blood traitors and you're both mental. It makes me sick to be related to the both of you." 

"That's a bit rich coming from the soon to be Mrs. Gideon Prewett." He snorted loudly, "Aren't you shagging him? Isn't he a blood traitor? And did you really break up with Malfoy?"

"My love life is hardly any of your concern, Siri," I spat, furiously, the first years still sending me anxious glances over their shoulders as though I might break out into a duel with my cousin at any moment, "Though, I would like to set the record straight that I am most certainly NOT shagging Gideon Prewett!"

"Just a bit of snogging then?" Sirius offered, sniggering slightly, "And don't lie, because Fabian told the whole common room after he caught the two of you. Sneaking off with a blood traitor, Bella? I can only imagine what your mother will have to say when I tell her this Christmas..."

"SIRIUS BLACK, DON'T YOU DARE-"

"Keep your robes on, I'm not coming round your house for Christmas anyway," He cut me off immediatly, and went on briskly, "But what are you doing with Gideon Prewett? He's hardly your type, is he? I mean, he has a heart and soul, so I would have figured you'd find him a disgrace to all wizard kind..."

"This is really none of your business," I snapped, haughtily, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to attend-"

"Fabian's in a right state to attack you senseless," Sirius continued, ignoring me entirely as per usual, "He's not someone you want to fire up, Fabian Prewett. I certainly wouldn't fancy having a duel with that bloke and he wants to crucio you into insanity... or thats what he told Gideon in front of the entire Gryffindor common room when he finally strolled in after the rest of your little date. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may want to take some precautions during detention this evening, because he's a man of action."

"What do you care?" I demanded curtly, trying to catch his eye, but he stared determindly into the canvas of blue sky above us.

"I wouldn't want Fabian to have a murder charge on his pristine record, that's all," He replied, his dark eyes still gazing upward.

"You don't want to see him hurt me?" I exclaimed, amused, "You're concerned about me! Well Sirius, I cannot decide if I should feel flattered or sickened by this sudden display of cousinly affection!"

"You're off your broomstick, you are," He muttered, but without conviction as he finally lowered his eyes, but only for a moment before returning to his gaze to the clouds passing along the endless stretch of blue, "I couldn't care less about you, Bella. You're mad, barking mad. Its Fabian's criminal record I'm concerned for..."

"Sure," I laughed coolly, and turned away without another glance, "See you in detention, Siri. I'll be well prepared, don't you worry. I can take care of myself, I'm not a Hufflepuff for Merlin's sake!"

"Bella?" He called back, his voice unsctruable.

"Siri?" I answered, uncertainly, stopping just short of the greenhouses and feeling eager to escape the cold.

"Remember that Christmas when we were ten years old?" He asked tentatively.

"Bits of it," I replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable, and desiring the promised warmth of the greenhouses that were waiting right before me.

"A promise is a promise." He reminded me, his voice containing a note of familiarity that did not seemed rather foreign in a conversation between us.

"Oh really?" I sneered, "I thought a promise was a niffler! Thanks for clearing that up!"

"Keep that in mind, that's all. I just wanted to make sure you remembered" He stated simply and though I did not turn around, I knew he was gone for I heard his retreating footsteps along the cold grounds, back up to the castle doors where he would find comfort in the warm hallways as he raced along to whatever lesson he was late for.

"I've remembered all along," I mumbled to myself before flinging open the greenhouse doors, apologizing to Professor Sprout and joining Lestrange and Severus at our table where we were collecting bubtuber pus. It was disgustingly satisfying work, though it allowed for a noisy classroom where we could contently converse without the risk of being over heard.

"What's up with Andy?" Severus asked after a few moments of pus-collecting.

"She's planning on moving in with her mudblood boyfriend, for good," I said, wrinkling my nose in disgust.

"So she'd be living with muggles?" Lestrange asked, horror-struck.

"Yes!" I seethed, accidently spraying pus on the dirty greenhouse floor by squeezing the pod with excessive force, "Its quite an atrocity. I'll think of a way to stop it, there must be something I can do."

"Haven't you got enough plans to be getting on with?" Lestrange chucked darkly, "I mean how many evil plots can one girl manage at a time?"

"Pardon?" I asked, distracted from cleaning up the spilled pus, "What are you on about? I don't have that many 'evil plots'! Just a couple ideas I'd like to put into action, and they could hardly be classified as 'evil', Roddy..."

"Operation FTF?" Severus laughed, kneeling down to help me clean with a mischevious gleam in his black eyes, "The latest plan against Sirius?"

"Your vendetta against the fat Carrow girl?" Lestrange added brightly, peering down at us from where he stood at the table while we mopped up the last of the pus, "And Merlin knows what else that mind of yours is concocting!"

"I think you guys covered it all as of this particular moment," I said, failing to surpress a grin, as Severus and I stood once more, returning to the bubtubers, "But as I said, 'evil' is not the proper term to describe said plans."

"No?" Lestrange teased, grinning back, his white teeth flashing in the sun streaming through the windows, "What word would you find more appropriate then?"

"Oh, I don't know..." I mused, smirking, "How about 'brillant'?"

"Always the modest one, aren't you Bella?" Lestrange nudged me flirtaciously, almost causing me to drop yet another pod.

"I try," I replied, smirking wider still. The lesson passed quickly and lead into transfiguration which was followed by lunch and a free period. The class day ended with divination, and then we finally made our way down to dinner.

The bright sunlight of the morning had faded away into gray twilight by the time the Slytherins found themselves seated in the Great Hall for dinner. As dinner began gray swiftly found its way into a cold hue of black, and thus the night was born. During dinner, I felt strangely distant, and picked half heartedly at the roast chicken and ginger glazed carrots before me, for they did little to satisfy my restlessness. Roddy, who was seated beside me, was engaged in an animated conversation with Lucius to his left, about the meeting and the party preperations for tomorrow evening while Severus who sat across from me was conversing excitedly with Dolohov about ways to hurt Sirius. Sirius sat, oblivious to the calculation of his demise, sat across the Great Hall at the Gryffindor table. Potter, Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, along with my dear cousin were seated in close quarters, deep in conversation over their dinners. I found myself staring absent mindedly at Sirius, his serious frown, the way it twitched into a smile, and the way he lowered and raised his eyes with such careful speed. I found myself remembering his seemingly cryptic words...

"A promise is a promise."

Yes, a promise is, in fact, a promise shockingly enough. I know why he said that today. I know the Christmas he was referring to by heart. It was nearly 6 years ago...

Snow was falling softly that Christmas eve. We could see it through the large windows in my bedroom as the dull winter sun began to set. Sirius and I were seated comfortably on my large canopied bed, and through the slightly frozen glass of my window we saw the flakes spin and dance and fall before our eyes, we saw them flutter and join together upon the frozen ground. It was the silent sort of snow, the kind that sweeps in overnight and coats the world in a diamond sparkling blanket of pure white. Snow brings with it a sense of great beauty and purity, only to be destroyed in the morning with footsteps and the heat of the sunrise. But I was not concerned with purity that Christmas. Nor was Sirius, for together we were planning how best to escape and began a snow ball fight.

"Our mums will surely notice if we sneak out now, Siri," I sighed at his suggestion that we quietly left the house that very minute, "Its almost suppertime, and we have to pass by the dining room to get to the front door, you know. We have to wait until the coast is clear, don't we?"

"But it'll be dark outside if we wait until after supper, Bella," He protested insistantly, tossing one of my pink sily pillows at me from across the bed.

"We can't leave before supper, that's mad," I rolled my eyes at him, tossing the pillow back with surprising strength for a small 10 year old girl, almost as if there was a magical force behind her... "If we missed our Christmas eve dinner mum would cut out heads off and mount them next to your old house elves."

"Probably," Sirius cringed, "That's a nasty tradition. Why would anyone want to look at a beheaded house elf all the time? Its boarding on creepy, if you ask me."

"That is one tradition we need not uphold," I nodding in agreement, "But we have more important things to discuss, like our pending snowball battle! How and when are we getting outside?"

"After dinner, we'll sneak out the door instead of going upstairs," He offered confidently, "They'll never suspect a thing, and we know they'll retire to the kitchen to supervise the house elves who still have their heads for a bit, so they won't see us leaving. It will be dark out though, it might be kinda scary."

"Well you certainly won't be a Gryffindor, will you?" I giggled, avoiding the pillow he aimed at my head by skirting towards the window, "I know you want to be a Gryffindor, you know. I heard you and your mum rowing when you first got here. But why, may I ask, would you ever want to be in that trashy house?"

"It's better than Slytherin," He retorted defiantly, "I don't care about the pureblood thing, I don't like snakes, and the whole house seems rather unfriendly."

"All Blacks are Slytherins, Siri," I said firmly, eyeing him angrily, "That's one family tradition you can't break. Its not like beheading house elves and mounting them, its a good tradition. Slytherin is the most noble Hogwarts house for the most Noble House of Black. Thats what my father says, anyway. And he's right, isn't he? They let mudbloods into other houses, my mum says, and half breeds. Mum says next thing you know Kreacher will be going to Hogwarts is Dumbledore remains headmaster."

"You sound just like our parents," Sirius grumbled, "But we all have to chose our own paths. I don't want to be a Slytherin."

"Well you can't be a Gryffindor, because they aren't afraid of snowball fights or the dark!" I teased, sticking out my tongue.

"I'm not afriad!" He shot back, scowling at me, grabbing another pillow for ammunition incase I incensed him further.

"Dinner isn't for another hour, lets just go now!" I grinned jumping off the bed, grabbing his hand to pull him along.

He dropped the pillow and half fell from my bed in surprised, before he refused to allow me to drag him any further, "Even you said it's too risky right now, Bella,"

"Nothing is too risky for a potential Gryffindor," I smirked, and pulled at his hand again, relieved to find this time he consented to be dragged out of my room after we had grabbed our cloaks and hats. Hand in hand we raced down the long spiral staircase, hoping Cissy, Reggie, and Andy wouldn't hear our scurrying footsteps. The foyer was empty when we snuck quietly off the stairwell, and raced across the wine colored carpeting, softly opening the large french doors and shutting them behind us. We ran towards the gardens, half of which were dead under the acculmulating snowstorm, and the other half were enchanted to thrive even in the dead of winter, and their bright colors glittered beneath the sheet of sparkling white flakes. The air was a blur of white, and bitterly cold.

"Its beautiful!" I cried out, twirling gracefully in the snowstorm, and shocked as a ball of cold snow hit me squarely in the back.

"Got'cha!" Sirius cackled and ran further into the gardens, "The Gryffindor hit the Slytherin!"

"I'll get you back for that, Siri!" I shouted, racing along the path behind him. I held out my hand and the falling snow seemed to magically form itself into a perfectly shaped ball in the palm of my outstretched hand. I didn't bother to aim as I tossed it out before me, but it magically found it's mark: Hitting the back of Sirius's neck.

He spun around, narrowly missing my shoulder as I ducked down under an enchanted red rose bush, laughing and holding out my hand where another snowball seemed to form itself in the increasing snowfall. I hit him flatly in the center of his chest as he laughed at my hiding place. He nearly fell over, the laugh still on his face as the snowball hit, but regained his balance. In the snow I watched him as he ran over, and grabbed me by the waist and the two of us landed roughly in the cobblestone path that was coated in a thick sheet of freezing snow and ice. Shivering and laughing, we attempted to push snow in each other's faces, and without warning we began to roll down the path, and our laughter turned into screams as the hill grew steeper. We landed ungracefully at the foot of a large pine tree, the needles falling into our hair as we got unsteadily to our feet. The sun had almost entirely disappeared now and the gardens were growing darker as we looked at each other, anxiously.

"Scared, Mr. Gryffindor?" I asked him coolly, "I heard you screaming, you know."

"I wasn't the only one, Miss. Slytherin!" He replied, his voice slightly cool as well, "And yeah, that was a bit scary. I don't much fancy rolling down steep icy hills!"

"I'm not a fan myself," I agreed, brushing snow from cloak and robes frantically, knowing it was no use, "Our mums are going to be so mad when we show up to dinner soaking wet!"

"Aye," Sirius frowned darkly, as we made our way back up the hill, "There are going to be some Christmas murders tonight. Any last words?"

"Yeah," I smirked at him as we struggled up the icy slope, "Slytherin rules!"

"You're a nutter," He laughed as we neared the top of the hill at last, clammoring back amongst the snow that was nearly knee deep, "My last words are: Gryffindor forever!"

"Because that's much less nutty?" I called to him sarcastically through the wind.

"Exactly!" He replied, grinning at me, and taking me hand to help me through the snow drift by the front steps I accidently fell in. With his help I managed to make it up the steps and we crept through the front door. We ran up the spiral stairs again with about 20 minutes before dinner by the time we had thrown open the door to my room, where we collapsed, soaking and shivering, onto my rose colored carpet.

"We're going to be in loads of trouble, Siri!" I exclaimed after my breath had returned to me, "What do we do, Mr. Gryffindor?"

"You're going to change your robes, you daft Slytherin!" He laughed, pointing towards the set of dry robes in my closet. I immediatly followed his instructions, tossing my snow drenched robes to the floor and pulling dry ones over my head.

"My hair is still wet," I moaned, slumping back to the floor beside him, "And what about you? You look like you just fell down a snowy hill in our back yard, Siri."

"Think about something warm," He instructed, leaning back on my floor and closing his eyes intently, "Think about fire, and tropical islands, and travelling by floo powder, and hot chocolate..." 

I followed suit, laying beside him with my eyes tightly closed. I imaged laying beside a warm fire sipping sizzling hot coco on a tropical island where the sun beat down its heat forcefully, intently...

"See?" Sirius's elated voice broke my train of thought and my eyes snapped open to find him sitting up, completely dry. I touched my hair gingerly, and broke into a smile when I found that, it too, was warm and dry as though we had never escaped and had our adventure in the ever mounting snowfall.

"That was just like magic," I winked at him, "I wish we could tell our mums, that'd be proud at that trick!"

"Not nearly as angry that they'll be if we inform them that we ran amok in the blizzard right before dinner," He chuckled, "But it was impressive, wasn't it? I had a feeling it might work, but I'm not going to say I'm not relieved that we actually pulled it off!"

"Cheers," I grinned, hugging him happily, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as I whispered urgently "Please don't be a Gryffindor, Siri? You're better than that! You're a Black!"

"Aw Bella, come on," He hugged back, whispering in a consoling tone, "Gryffindor or not, I'm still a Black."

"Your mum could disown you!" I reminded him, clutching him tighter, "What then? Who is going to save the day, then?"

"Even if I'm disowned, unfortunately, I'm still a Black!" He laughed lightly, resting his head atop my mane of long dark hair, "And I'll still save the day."

"You promise?" I pouted, remaining comfortably in the embrace.

"I promise," He assured me gently, "If you promise to not get too carried away with all the Slytherin ideas. I know you're reckless, as reckless as I am, but you can't let everyone make you as nutty about blood status as they are! You have to stay who you are, because that's how I like you and that's what matters, isn't it? So promise me you won't change when you get sorted?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said dismissively, "I promise."

"You really promise?" He demanded, sensing my lack of enthusiasm, "Because a promise is a promise."

"Yes, I really promise not to get too carried away and change myself, Siri," I whispered sincerely and stood on the top of my teas to give him a swift kiss on his cheek.

"SIRIUS AND BELLATRIX BLACK, WHERE ARE YOU TWO TROUBLE MAKERS?" the voice of Sirius's mum called up the stairs, "YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE TO SUPPER! GET DOWN HERE IMMEDIATLY!"

We broke apart from our embrace, and laughing at his mother's impatience, we set off down the stairs for Christmas dinner. The snow fell all night that Christmas eve, and half way through the white-sky Christmas dawn. The entire world was pure, the entire world was white and we were Blacks and all was pure in the world.

I felt myself wondering if that Sirius at the Gryffindor table laughing with James Potter was even the same boy who I used to throw snowballs with, who I used to hug so resolutely, who I used to make promises to, who I used to love in the niave way of a child. Was he the same boy who promised he would always save the day? Was I the same girl who used to think she'd need her cousin to save her? Since when do I need saving? I am the one people need saving from these days. Does he see that weak little girl in me? I was ten, of course I was foolish and weak. I was not that girl any longer. However, I realized with a pang of nostalgia, Sirius was still that boy.

I have detention now. The night awaits my presence.

I shall write as soon as I can.

Love,

Bella

Author's Notes: I hope you all like this chapter, I feel happy with how it turned out! I have even bigger plans for the next one! So read and review and you shall recieve the next chapter quick as can be :)

xoxoxox

ps: Please review, I loooove you guys!

pps: if any of your want to beta for me, I'd probably simply fall inlove with you. and youd see all the chaps ahead of time!

so read and review and enjoy!

love,

Georgia


	12. The Switching Staircase

November 28th

Dear Diary,

Sirius is no savoir, I got carried so far away I could never find myself back, and therefore I conclude a promise is not a promise. A promise is, in fact, a lie. Or a niffler. Whatever, I really do not care at this point. Promise, life, niffler, its all the bloody same. Gryffindors are not so noble, and Slytherins can not always escape unscatched, cunning though we may be. Nothing is as its supposed to be. Blue is yellow, Hufflepuffs are cool, Ravenclaws are stupid, and Hagrid is a midget.

Why is my world upside down?

It all started in detention, which is where it also happened to end. Though it truly started long before detention and I know we're far from the end.

The reason for such deep set confusion will be revealed in good time. I cannot yet bare to write it, to inscribe it into memory. I will precede my story of the previous evening with just one more sentiment: I detest Fabian Prewett and Sirius Black more accutely than any mudblood or muggle.

The night sky was starless, endless, the deepest shade of black, I noted as we passed by a window on our way up a winding stairwell that lead to the freezing exposed astronomy tower, where we were to be polishing the telescopes, without magic. Filch had taken our wands, given us a yellow toothed wicked grin, and hobbled back down the stairs, leaving us there in element, wandless, reckless, and careless, to polish telescopes.

"Shall we...? Ted started tentatively, motioning to the buckets of polish and dirty rags Filch had left on the scratched surface of the black stone floor.

We all ignored him, clutching our cloaks to us in the air that was harshly reminiscent of winter, though it was still late autumn. Fabian had determindedly avoided my gaze thus far, his eyes cold and livid, staring into the blanket of cold black sky. Though normally I feel quite at ease in the dark, the abscense of the moon, and of every star was slightly unhinging, as though the world had turned off all the lights. The silence was defeaning and the tension nearly tangible. Sirius, Potter, Ted, and Pettigrew kept glancing anxiously at Fabian who seemed to be very far away, his hatred pronounced on his face and his body entirely rigid. Lucius, Severus and Dolohov shot glances of disgust at the rags and polish and the Gryffindor blokes in turn. I am certain that to them, the rags and Gryffindors were all the same- trash that needed to be desposed of... and quickly. As for me, I bit my lip and fumbled nervously with the cuffs of my robe, waiting for the night to truly begin...

"We could have this done in ten minutes if we had our wands," Severus said disdainfully, his gaze resting now on the buckets and sullied rags at his feet, "This is entirely pointless, and its bloody arctic weather up here. We're all going to be frozen by the time this nasty job is over with."

"All the more reason to start NOW!" Ted insisted, "The sooner we start, the sooner its done!"

"Lovely cliche," Lucius sneered sarcasically, "That's a very quaint observation, mudblood. We certainly hadn't figure that out for ourselves already, or anything."

"You hadn't acted on it," Ted replied, his voice reasonably pleasant, "So I merely thought we could all do with some reminding. Now, we should each grab a bucket with someone else, seeing as there are enough for two people to share one, and start tackling all the telescopes..."

"I want to share with Bellatrix," Fabian looked down suddenly, his voice shockingly flat.

"Forget it," I looked at him as though he was deranged, and honestly I thought it was a possibility, "I'm sharing with Lucius."

"You're exboyfriend?" Fabian's eyes flashed dangerously, "Funny how you two seem so close for ex-lovers. You know, I don't care what Gideon thinks, I know Lucius is behind your little affair with my brother."

"Excuse me, blood traitor," Lucius growled, "But why would I approve of my ex girlfriend running around with filth like your pathetic brother?"

"You don't seem angry with her," Fabian observed coldly, "I know what's going on, this is some plan of the Death Eater Youth. You're going to hurt him, or try and get information out of him, or you're using him to get to me. He might think you're a changed woman, Bella, but the rest of the world knows better. He seems to be under the delusion that you were FORCED to act like a mentalist cow by Lucius. That you were FORCED to be in the Death Eater Youth. That none of this was your choice, you're just some poor victim who has finally seen the light and is trying to turn her life around. He must have been confunded or something, because that is the biggest load of dung I have ever heard."

"Forced?" Sirius spoke now, his voice brimming with laughted, "No one has ever successfully forced Bella to do anything. She does exactly what she wants, she does. No one can force her."

I shrugged, and conceded reluctantly, "Yes, I suppose I do as I please."

"SEE?" Fabian lost control now, his voice raised dramatically, "YOU LIED TO HIM! YOU TRICKED HIM! AND I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY!"

"Don't put words in my mouth," I snapped and grabbed a pail of polish and Lucius's hand dragging him to the nearest telescope, "Now, if you don't mind I would like to start this detention so I can be out of your company as quickly as possible. You blood traitors certainly are a jumpy and rather hysterical lot, aren't you? This is why the Dark Lord knows he must eradicate you all with the mudbloods and muggles..."

"ARRRRGH!" Fabian let out an uncontrollable growl and lunged forward, knocking me to the hard floor, where I skidded dangerously towards the edge of the tower. He held me by the waist, too tightly to allow me to breath properly as I whimpered for air. There were screams as I felt him push me closer to the edge, and sounds of punches thrown, but I closed my eyes, clawing forward, digging my nails into the flesh of his back, and suddenly I felt rough hands pull me up where I clumsily caught my balance, and stumbled into a wall safetly. Lucius had been the one to pull me to my feet while Ted and Sirius had restrained Fabian. Pettigrew looked anxious and Potter breathless from what appeared to be a fight between he and Severus who was glaring daggers in his direction. Dolohov stood between Potter and Severus, an arm out stretched to keep them from one another.

"Can we have a detention that does not result in attempted murder please?" Ted suggested, heavily.

"Whatever," Fabian snapped, pulling himself away from Sirius and Ted aggressively as he turned back to face me, his eyes narrowed so coldly, they were merely blue slits in the dark of the night, "This isn't over, Bellatrix."

"Whatever," I echoed him, and regaining my composure, returned to the telescopes with Lucius to polish away a perfectly lovely Friday evening.

"You all right?" Lucius asked, gently as we set off to work.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I shrugged, rubbing my elbow where it had collided painfully with the floor, "Thanks for the whole saving me thing."

"Don't mention it," He laughed softly as we finished our first two telescopes and moved along in the circle direction of the tower, everyone unusually quiet from the tension of another outbreak threatening, and the cold that pierced through us everytime the cruel wind blew through. By the time we'd all finished, we were in such frustrated spirits, instead of carrying the buckets and rags back to filch we tossed them off the top of the tower. For once the nine of us were united in furios satisfaction as the 5 buckets crashed the many feet down to the grass below, their contents spilling over the cold grounds, and the rags fluttering slightly in the wind, landing rather neatly around them.

"That's that!" Ted said brightly, "Let's call it a night, shall we?"

No one answered him, but instead, simply left the ledge, making our way out of the cold of the astronomy tower and back down the winding black stone staircase. Each of us, save Ted and Peter, wore an expression of surpressed fury, casting a shadow across each of our stoney faces as the staircase descended downward. Suddenly, and inexpicably, the staircase turned...

There were several shouts of surprise and anxiety as the spiral staircase simply swung itself over, setting its landing destination somewhere we could not see for all the twists and sprials, but knew we were no longer headed in the right direction.

"Fuck!" Sirius swore loudly, "Now what?"

"Keep walking, Black," Lucius instructed angrily, "We'll figure it out when we get to the bottom."

The long descent was as unpleasant as long walks down staircases with your enemies can possibly be. If our hatred boiling was not enough of a reason to be in foul tempers, the anxiety of the staircase's sudden switch was more than sufficent to incense us further. We did not walk down the ancient stone steps. No, we stormed down them. We did not breath as we walked. No, we huffed. We did not glare at each other. No, we tried to perform the killing curse with our eyes.

At long last we exited the stairwell, only to find ourselves in an unfamiliar corridor with low burning flames that glowed unnaturally red, their flames flickering dimly, casting ominous shadows along the hall that contained no doors, but only a long stretch of stone wall that faded into blackness.

"Where the hell are we?" Sirius demanded in a tone that spoke both of exhuastion and anger.

"Did you bring the map, Padfoot?" James asked hopefully.

"Negative, Prongs," Sirius frowned, "I was not aware that the stairwell would change itself, rendering us completely lost in an abandonded hallway in the middle of bloody nowhere."

"We aren't going to find our way but simply standing around, you know," Lucius informed them coolly and began taking long stides along the mysterious hallway, his footsteps echoing loudly off the ancient stone walls. The rest of us followed behind, without further question, plunging ourselves forward down the lengthy passage. It turned into another passage that sloped downward. We began the journey down the sloping path that bore torches lit with astonishly bright purple flames, that cast an eerie violet glow on all our angry faces as we walked in a cold sort of silence.

"I think we're headed into the dungeons!" Pettigrew squealed in panic.

"I think we're getting more lost by the second," Fabian said coldly, "This hardly looks promising. What's next, a corridor with green fire?"

"Actually," Lucius stated, in a voice of mild surprise as he rounded the corner, "Yes..."

"I've been here!" I called out without thinking, excited clamoring forward to find the hallway where Roddy and I had almost shared a kiss after the DEY meeting last weekend.

"When?" Lucius questioned, his eyes like search lights as they scanned my face.

"Last weekend, I went for a walk with Roddy Lestrange to cool down..." I trailed off, swallowing hard.

"When last weeekend?" Lucius questioned, struggling to keep his voice calm.

The Gryffindors were watching with interest, their eyes widening in amused surprise as I shuffled my feet uncomfortably. Severus and Dolohov looked uncomfortable as well and stopped walking, as did the rest of us, paralyzed suddenly in the green passage way.

"Uhm," I hesitated, "After the meeting, when I walked out he followed and we went on a walk so I could cool down. We somehow ended up here, I suppose, and then headed back. We're not far from the Slytherin common rooms, but it would take forever to get to Filch's office, so we might as well just get our wands back first thing in the morning."

"You went on a walk alone with Roddy Lestrange along dark desserted corridors last weekend?" He asked, his voice hardening as I felt myself tense, "And never thought you'd mention it?"

"Its hardly a big deal, is it?" I asked, impatiently as the Gryffindors began to snigger from the circle now formed around Lucius and I/

"It is a big deal, actually," He informed me coolly, "We all know something's going on with you two."

"Nothing is going on with Lestrange and I!" I cried, outraged, "And don't you dare talk about me, behind my back-"

"Shut the fuck up," Lucius's voice had gone low and dangerous, "And fuck you."

And with that he Severus and Dolohov turned and began walking back to the Slytherin common room. I stood rooted, and stunned on the spot, my face lit errily green as I caught my reflection off of Potter's glasses. He, Sirius, Ted, Fabian, and Peter turned to leave, walking more slowly the the Slytherin's who's footsteps rew increasingly faint. I turned on the spot, and began walking hurridely in the opposite direction, biting back tears. After a moment I paused in the purple corridor, slouched against a wall and succombed to furious burning tears. Within a minute or two I heard footsteps, echoing off the stone in my direction. I hastily wiped away my tears and sniffed softly, prepared to force out a faux apology to Lucius and kiss him senseless. Licking the remaining tears from my lips, I cringed at the salty taste. It tasted like defeat and weakness. I straightned myself up, and feigned an expression of reluctant remorse, as the footsteps grew louder, and oddly threatening. I could have sworn I heard mumbled angry voices, and a second set of feet, and wondered if Severus had accompained him.

"Lucius, I'm sor-" I began, but as the figure came into view, it was not Lucius, but Fabian flanked by Sirius.

"Hello Bellatrix," Fabian smiled wickedly as Sirius scowled in a furious manner, not at me, but at Fabian.

"Can we just GO, Fabian?" Sirius implored him anxiously, "Please? She isn't worth it, she's a nasty piece of work, but she isn't worth getting into trouble for."

"We're Gryffindors, Black," Fabian snapped, exasperated, "Not Hufflepuffs! I'll do what I have to for my family!"

"Attacking her will just make Gideon even more angry with you!" Sirius cried, frustrated, "Just leave her be!"

"Don't talk about me as if I'm not standing right beside the pair of you, nutters," I grumbled, glaring at them with pronounced disgust, "Just leave me alone, now, okay? I want to be alone."

"Oh you will be alone," Fabian sneered, "Alone in your bloody cell in Azkaban! But for you, I am forcing my company upon you."

"Please, don't," I said, my tone growing icier, "Get the fuck away from me. Get out of my sight, you blood traitors!"

"I'm here to help!" Sirius said, angrily.

"It's a little late for you to be showing any family loyalty, isn't it Siri?" I snickered, "Take your stupid mate and fuck off."

"That is what I am trying to do!" Sirius shouted desperatly and turned to Fabian again, who wore a hungry expression in his cold eyes, "We're leaving, NOW, Fabian!"

"No, Black," Fabian shook his head, his eyes locked onto me, "You're leaving."

"Of course I bloody am, and you're coming with me!" He grabbed Fabian's arm, though was shaken off immediatly.

"GO, THE BOTH OF YOU!" I screamed my eyes widening in fury as I regarded the two of them with immeasurable loathing, "I HATE YOU BOTH, GET AWAY FROM ME! I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE, YOU ARE BOTH BLOODY WELL DISMISSED!"

"I'm not going until Sirius gives me a minute alone with you, Bellatrix," Fabian crossed his arms and remained planted firmly on the stone floor where he stood so stubbornly, "You can shout all you want. I am not leaving."

"Then neither am I!" Sirius exclaimed in exhuastion.

"Then I AM!" I declared savagely and began to storm away when Fabian grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me hard against the wall. I yelped in pain as my collided mercilessly with stone, dangerously close to the torch that bore the purple flame closest to the three of us. I rubbed my head and forced back a rush of fresh tears as he laughed and Sirius pulled him back away from me.

"Not so tough with your wand, are you Bellatrix?" Fabian taunted, struggling against Sirius who held him at bay, "I bet you're not so confident now, you stupid bitch, are you? I bet you know you're in trouble now! You're tiny, you're not match for me, I could KILL YOU here if I wanted to!"

"You're loosing it, mate!" Sirius stated, still fighting to keep hold of Fabian's robes, "You're going to become nearly as mad as she is! Let's just go back to the common room!"

"PEOPLE LIKE THIS PIECE OF SCUM ARE THE REASON MY PARENTS ARE GONE!" Fabian erupted, tearing his robes as he finally broke from Sirius, "AND NOW LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO MOLLY? I KNOW SHE'S A PART OF THAT, WITH ALL THOSE NOTES AND THE LAUGHTER DRAUGHT! AND LOOK AT WHAT SHE'S DOING TO GIDEON! SHE IS A MONSTER AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT HER IN HER PLACE!"

"She'll get what she deserves!" Sirius assured him, tossing the shredded fabric from Fabian's robes aside and watching nervously as Fabian panted in fury, inching closer to where I pressed myself against the wall.

"I KNOW BECAUSE I AM GOING TO GIVE IT TO HER!" Fabian roared, and hit me hard across the face.

I shouted in surprise and pain, hitting my head against the wall once more in an effort to evade his hand. Sirius watched in horror as I aggressivly pounded Fabian's chest and stomach in a fit of uncontrollable rage. He reacted quickly be seizing my neck and pushing me against the wall once again, his hand squeezing uncomfortably around my windpipe, choking me slowly. His eyes met mine with cold hatred, and I mustered the last bit of strength I possessed and spit in his face that glowed purple in the light of the flames, though before he could counter my act of disrespect Sirius had pulled him back again.

"Leave her be!" He pleaded, sounding nearly as irate as Fabian and I were as the three of us struggled to catch our breath, "She's a monster, you're right, but leave her be. She's an awful excuse for a witch, but she isn't worth this, you're better than she is-"

"Sirius Black, do not talk like that about me!" I scowled bitterly, "If I'm so awful, don't bother defending me!"

"You know what?" Sirius's face changed suddenly, his expression grew hard, "You didn't keep your end of the promise, did you? No, you're so far gone you cannot ever find your way back. A promise isn't a promise to you, its a lie. You DO deserve this."

"If you leave-" I growled, my heart skipping a beat...

"Then what, Bella?" He jeered, "You'll do what exactly? You don't give a damn about me, or about anyone but yourself! And I thought you and Lucius were broken up? I suppose not, you're just messing around with Gideon and Lestrange as well! You're sick, and you broke your promise, so I am breaking mine... Fabian, I don't bloody care what happens to this cow. I'm leaving."

I watched, my heart now beating with unsual heaviness under the weight of anxiety as Sirius relinquished his grip on Fabian, and turned away. He walked purposefully down the long corridor and rounded the dark corner where the flames burned green without another glance backwards where Fabian was smiling cruelly and I was breathing in slow motion.

"If you hurt me, there will be hell to pay." I informed Fabian after a moment of tense silence, my voice in a convincing impression of confidence.

"It'll be worth every damn knute, Bellatrix," He laughed and moved forward again, slowly, intently. We eyed on another and for a moment, neither of us dared to breathe and then quite roughly, his lips met mine.

It was not so much a kiss as a bite.

I tried to push him away but he was stronger and after a moment I realized, furiously, that the only way to get back control would be to return the kiss. And so I kissed/bit him back with as much aggression and hatred as he had approached me with. His lips travelled down to my neck, biting, breaking skin. It was how I imaged making out with a vampire might feel. I returned the attack on the soft flesh of his own neck, not releasing until I had sunk my teeth deep into his blood traitoring skin. I dared him to let a gasp of pain escape as I tore at his neck, his lips, his cheeks, but he did not. His eyes taunted me to do the same, jeering, cruelly encouraging for me to display the suffering he was causing. I merely smiled.

After several minutes he finally stepped away, his lips transformed into a triumphant and cold smile. I stared at him, shaking now from cold and disbelief.

"You, Bellatrix, are in trouble," His smile grew broader, "Oh yes, you are a lot of trouble now. Look at the marks on our necks! Gideon will see and he'll want nothing to do with you. Lucius will see and he'll want nothing to do with you. Everyone will see and know you're a filthy bitch, a dirty little slut. I think I've made my point, haven't I?"

"Fuck you," I spat in his face and lunged at him. but he threw me back with force I could not physically possess.

"I guess I haven't made it clear enough, Bellatrix Black," He said in a dangerously calm whisper, "You're ruined. And if you continue to haunt me, I will ruin you over and over and over."

"Fuck you," I repeated, applying every bit of strength I had into the efforts of choking back the waves of burning hot tears. He was right, I knew it then and I knew it now. He had won somehow. But it was not over, no it is not over. He will never be victorious again. The battles goes to him, but the war will go to me.

"Fuck YOU, bitch," He retorted, his voice infuriatingly level. He left then, without another word, another glance, another insult, attack, or sneer.

I stood there for nearly half an hour entirely dissolved in miserable, painful tears. They strangled me, choked me, turned me inside out. I cried until my eyes were a delicate shade of red, until my cheeks were stained with black tear tracks from my mascara, until my throat was sore from sobbing, until I came to my senses. I was defeated, for the first time. It felt like I imagine death would feel- merciless, cruel, irreversable, sheer agony.

I stood shakily onto my feet once the tears subsided into undiluted rage. I slammed my fist into the wall, drawing blood from the knuckles, the crash of the contact between skin and stone echoing eerily in the corridor. I ran all the way to the common room, my vision still blurry with lingering tears. My entire body felt numb but for the pounding of my heart, and the burning in my bleeding right hand.

I dashed from the common room without glancing at the faces, wanting only to hide myself away, for I had lost. The tear marks were evident, my eyes were swollen, my hand was bloody, and my neck was sullied with broken skin and other remnants of the encounter with Fabian, and I wanted to escape from the common room as quickly as possible. In the sanctuary of my dorm, i fell onto my bed, willing the tears to abait and cursing the day Fabian Prewett was born.

There was no moon in the sky, no star, no sign of any light.

And I have been defeated.

And I want nothing more than to disappear. But then again, that is not true. For I want nothing more than to destroy Fabian Prewett. This anger is pulsing through me with my blood, it tingles throughout my body, waiting for the moment to lash out, to strike. My hands itch to punch, claw, decimate, curse. My lips desire to bite, tear, kill. My heart beats too quickly, my lungs breathe too slowly and I am a woman consumed.

I know that Andromeda would tell me to let this go. But when have I ever been the forgive and forget type?

Where is the glory in 'letting it go'?

Oh no, I will have my revenge. And he will have nothing.

My hands shake from rage. It has not begun to evaporate and it will not. It will grow and thrive until I destroy him, until he is drowning in his own misery and fury as I am.

I have never been this angry before. It is surprising however, how much strength one can draw from such anger. This anger cannot be controlled or appeased, however it can be channeled into ruining Fabian Prewett. I have never been this distraught, this desperate, this hurt.

He has broken me.

So I will kill him.

Love,

Bella.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm really sorry for the delay. It won't happen again. My boyfriend and I had a problem and it resulted in a bit of writer's block. Now, however, I find it useful in channeling my inner Bella. Because we all have a bit of Bellatrix in us, don't we? :)

anyway, the next couple of chapters will be a bit dark, angry, and intense.

so review and I will get writing right away again :)

please reviiiew. I'll write faster :)

love,

G


	13. Reparo

November 29th

Dear Diary,

Yesterday morning, after writing my entry, I rose early from the comforts of my bed. The rest of the girls lay still in their slumber as I dressed quietly, sliding out of the dormitory unnoticed. I scurried down to Filch's office, where he met me at the door and reluctantly returned to me my wand. With a growl, he slammed the door in my face and left me alone again in the corridor that was dim in the pale autumn sunlight of dawn.

I felt a surge of confidence and strength with my wand clutched firmly in my right hand as I made my way down to Madam Pomfrey. I had chanced a glance in the mirror while dressing and the unsightly bite marks on my neck were raw and fresh, billboards of my defeat. I had to erase them, erase the evidence of my failure, as soon as possible. I have not been one to visit the hospital wing often, though I found it quite necessary that morning.

Madam Pomfrey poured dittany all over my neck, giving me reproving glances all the while. I mumbled something about a hippogriff, but judging by the hardened expression she wore as she addressed my battle wounds, she surely knew better. I left the hospital wing after being told that it would take up to a day before the marks faded entirely. Disheartened, I quickly made my way towards the stairwell down to the common room, anxious now that the sun had fully risen and other students were waking.

I had to pass by the entrance to the Great Hall in order to find the common room. I knew this all along, but as I neared the entrance way, my heart raced feverntly. I knew before I saw him that he'd be waiting.

"Hi Bella," Fabian greeted, malice etched in his cold voice, "Fancy seeing you here."

"Good bye, Prewett," I sneered and made to walk past him, breaking into a run. He extended his foot out before me and it was all I could do to regain my balance and before I had time to set off again he had seized my arm and began dragging me into the Great Hall, leading me like a trophy along the Gryffindor table. Our necks were plainly visable, the bite marks blazing and reflected in the eyes of all those around us. I felt my cheeks burn hot, I wanted to run, to escape, to hide.

But then again, I realized that I am Bellatrix Black. I do not run, escape or hide. Oh no, that is what others do when they see me. I am infamous at age 16. I am pure, I am strong, and I am proud and they were the scum of the wizarding world. I held my chin up, glaring at every face that dared look upon me, swearing revenge on each pair of amused eyes regarding Fabian and I. They would all suffer as I was suffering then. I hated them all with shocking intensity, every Gryffindor we passed I silently condemned.

"Bella?" Gideon stood up suddenly as we neared the end of the long table, "You and my brother? How could you do that? after everything? How could you? I was falling for you! Was it all lies?"

"Yes," I laughed coldly, stopped and meeting his shocked eyes with my own, "It was all lies, every bit of it. What are you going to do about it now? You're a fool."

"I told you," Fabian sneered softly, "I told you about her, didn't I?"

"Lying bitch," Gideon hissed, his eyes never leaving my own.

"Slut," a girl sitting beside Gideon giggled, smirking up at me.

"Cow," Sirius mumbled from a few seats over

"Whore," Potter chimed in, chuckling

"Slag," Peter added brightly

"Death Eater," Mumbled Ted, sighing heavily.

"Cunt," Fabian said in a deadly whisper, "You're a worthless, pathetic, bitch and you make me sick."

Then the world seemed to stop as my mouth opened slightly in shock from the encounter, and then it continued to procede in slow motion. I flicked my wand and the entire Gryffindor house table was overturned, and it laid in shambles on its side as students began to scream and scramble out of the way. Plates and glasses shattered under impact, juices spilled, creating lakes and rivers along the stone floor. Food littered among the ruins, swear words were exclaimed and all the eyes in the Great Hall were now surveying the scene, some with interest, some with horror, and the Slytherins watched with amusement.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Fabian screamed, rounding on me instantly as the world returned to normal speed again.

"Nothing!" I replied, succumbing to laughter at the chaos I had created. The staff was running over now, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Slughorn all approaching the scene in various states of rage.

"I have never seen such outrageous behavior!" McGonagall screamed, reaching Fabian and I first, "Bellatrix Black, what in Merlin's name do you think you're doing?"

"Flipping over tables, Professor," I replied, still absorbed in laughter. Her eyes flashed dangerously, Dumbledore fixed the table and the Gryffindors began shouting more insults, but I could only laugh.

"Bellatrix," Professor Slughorn began meekly, "What has gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry, Sir," I giggled, "It had to be done!"

"You silly girl!" McGonagall burst out, furiously, "You're disrupting the entire hall! You're hurting innocent by standers, you are ruining breakfast you are-"

"Gryffindors, Professor, are disgusting," I snickered maliciously, "They deserve this and much, much more. I will not apologize for self-defense and I think they ought to be punished for being rude, traitorous, disgusting, and mostly mudbloods."

"That will do, Miss Black," Dumbledore said, quite calmly, "Professor Slughorn, you may deal with her, and please ensure she will not have an outbreak like this in the future."

"Of course, Dumbledore," Slughorn said and motioned for me to follow him out of the Great Hall. I heard a round of explosive applause and glanced behind me to see the Slytherin table clapping and cheering. I gave them a jovial wave and smile before exiting the hall and following Slughorn to his office. We walked in silence the entire way and by the time we got to our destination I was hoping his initial shock and anger may have abaited.

"I was provoked, Professor," I said as he shut the door to his office upon our arrival and sat behind his desk, looking exasperated.

"Bellatrix, no provocation should illict overturning an entire house table," He said slowly and firmly, but with a faint smile on his thin lips.

"I know, Professor," I replied, pacing in front of his desk, fury and a rush of satisfaction pulsing through me, "I am sorry for being disruptive."

"50 points from Slytherin, of course," He sighed, "And I know you already have detention every Friday until Christmas, so lets make our detentions every Wednesday until then."

"Our detentions?" I exclaimed, "WHAT detentions?"

"The detentions you just earned yourself, Miss Black," He said sternly, though his eyes were now hinting a smile, "That was quite a commotion you just caused. But don't fret, they will be an hour long a week and I'll have you do lines. New lines every week, to keep it interesting. We can start with something like 'I will not flip over house tables at breakfast'."

"Yes, I'll wait until dinner next time," I replied, half-joking.

"Miss Black, don't kid around now!" He chuckled, "Get on back to the common room, I daresay your housemates would like to celebrate your persistant rule breaking."

"I believe so," I grinned, "Good-bye Professor."

The common room was slightly more chaotic than it characteristically would be on a Saturday morning. I was met with another round of applause, several people offering congradulatory hand shakes and praise for my behavior at breakfast. Among my well-wishers were Roddy, Sev, and Dolohov, all unable to contain their delighted malicious laughter as they approached me.

"Bloody fantastic, Bella, honestly!" Roddy grinned, throwing an arm around my shoulders, "They'll be talking about that one for years, bloody years! You're a legend!"

"Did you see how they all ran away absorbed in screams?" Severus sniggered harshly, "And they're supposed to have courage! HA!"

"Legend, indeed," Dolohov agreed brightly, "You're our hero, Bella, that was amazing. I wish I had a photograph of it, of all the Gryffindors whining and shouting and food and drinks flying at them! It was the most exciting breakfast I've ever had the honor to attend, that's for sure."

"Where's Lucius?" I asked, shrugging off Roddy's shoulder and scanning the common room for his eyes, gray and cold and searching.

"He's..." Roddy cleared his throat, looking awkwardly between Sev and Dolohov who both averted their eyes, "He went out flying."

"Its freezing out, he'll come back inside a snowman!" I exclaimed, suspiciously.

"He said he needed to clear his head a bit, you know?" Roddy explained delicately, as Sev and Dolohov continued to avoid my glance, "He wasn't too pleased about our walk last week. He accosted me about it, in fact, shouting things about how I was attempting to steal you away. I don't see what the problem is with walking. I never knew he was so against excersize."

"Your hickeys from Prewett didn't do much to lighten his mood either," Severus chortled, "What on earth did you and he do together? A little shagging perhaps? That's the latest rumor."

"WHAT?" I ejaculated in outraged, "NO, NEVER! THATS DISGUSTING! NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED AT ALL! YOU HEAR ME? YOU ALL HERE ME? WE JUST..."

Several first years in the corner turned around in fright, toppling over their chess game, but I ignored them and slammed my fist against the stone wall in frustration.

"You just savagely made out?" Roddy offered cheerfully, "Its a bit of a controversial move when you have a boyfriend, isn't it? Especially when the other bloke is a nasty little bloodtraitor. But I've been telling everyone that I'm sure you had your reasons... you always do."

"I most certainly did have my reasons," I said, breathing heavily in anger, my cheeks flushing dark red.

"Care to enlighten us?" Severus suggested, an amused smile on his pallid features.

"I do not have to explain myself to you, or to anyone else!" I retorted, furiously.

"You may want to explain it to Lucius though," Dolohov snickered, "He's in a right state now, you know."

I turned abruptly from the three of them and stormed from the common room, racing up the stairs, sprinting along the hallways, and bursting through the front doors. I was immediatly greeted by a rush of indecently cold air. I cursed myself for not bringing a cloak and summoned one immediatly for my dorm. Cloak in hand, I began running again, my feet crushing the half frozen grass beneath me as I sped towards the Quiddich field. I squinted up into the gray sky as I drew nearer and sure enough a figure in black robes swiftly streaked up and down the Quiddich pitch.

"Lucius!" I shouted from the ground as I caught my breath leaning against the stands. He was flying maybe 20 feet above me, and refused to look down.

"What?" He answered back coldly.

"Come down here!" I called, shivering in the brutal wind, "I want to talk to you! I owe you some explanations!"

"Forget it," He replied, climbing higher in the cold sky, "I don't want to hear it. There are some things that simply cannot be explained such as why you bare the signs of betrayl on your lying neck from a blood traitor."

"I DO have an explanation, Lucius!" I yelled from below him, my voice giving off a slightly desperate edge, "I want to explain and apologize! Please, just come here and talk to me. I won't leave until you join me."

"You'll freeze to death!" He paused, "So, that sounds like a great plan!"

"LUCIUS MALFOY, I WILL CURSE YOUR BROOMSTICK INTO 20 MILLION LITTLE SPLINTERS IF YOU DO NOT GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE AND TALK TO ME RIGHT THIS BLOODY SECOND!"

"Fine," He said through gritted teeth as he turned his broomstick around, sped towards the icy grounds and dismounted reluctantly.

His eyes were narrowed and his cheeks red with cold, while his white blonde hair was windswept and several strands were scattered along his face, adding to a slightly intimidating presence he was creating.

"I do apologize for the walk with Roddy, and the unfortunate encounter with Prewett, Lucius," I said calmly, swallowing hard as he observed me with cold, piercing eyes, "Roddy and I were just talking, and I had to walk to work off some of that pent up anger I was carrying around with me. As for Fabian..."

"Get on with it, Bella," He said impatiently, "I haven't got all day to listen to your pathetic half-hearted apologies. Just tell me why you're such a blood traitoring slut."

"I AM NOT A BLOOD TRAITOR OR ANYTHING ELSE!" I cried lividly, "THAT IS BANG OUT OF ORDER, LUCIUS!"

"What the fuck happened with you and Fabian then?" He sneered, slamming his broomstick on the frozen ground in a fit of rage.

"He hit me a bit, threw me against the wall and kissed me and then started biting my neck." I said, my eyes welling with tears in fury and humiliation, "I bit him back to get control, to take back control! It wasn't like we were kissing in any sort of twisted moment of romantic passion, it was all about causing pain and gaining control! I had to do it, I did what I had to do!"

"You could have just punched him!" Lucius spat, snorting in anger.

"He's stronger than I am!" I protested, the pang of defeat burning raw inside of me, "He kept punching me, he kept hurting me! I hurt him the only way I could!"

"You kissed him," He shook his head, his eyes staring in an irate manner at his discarded broomstick that lay at his feet.

"You couldn't really call what we did 'kissing'," I informed him in distate, "It was biting."

"I don't bloody care, you betrayed me!" He burst out, throwing his hands in the air, "You humilated me and betrayed me! I bloody well hate you, Bella. I hate you. You're a disgrace. Leave me be. I want nothing to do with you."

"You don't mean that," I replied, incredously, "You don't mean that! We've been dating forever! We're inlove!"

"Inlove?" He laughed bitterly, his voice as icy as the wind that stung our faces, "Inlove? You jest, Bella. You're infatuated, you love learning about the Dark Arts with me, you love the DEY, you love being the worlds biggest cow to everyone. You don't love me. You may love the idea of me, but you cannot be in a relationship. You are a tart and you make me sick. Go find Gideon or Fabian or Roddy Lestrange or whoever else you're snogging these days. I am extracting myself from this situation. Its all fucked up. Good-bye, Bella."

He flew away then, with those bitter words of farewell. He disappeared a moment later behind a stretch of dense cold clouds and before he returned into the feeble light of the morning, I was already half way back to the castle. I passed by the iron smooth and gray surface of the lake and paused for a moment, staring into my reflection there. It was where Gideon and I kissed that night, that night that seemed so long ago. Lucius and I had studied there, kissed beside its cool waters, held hands as we strolled along side it during warm spring evenings. He was gone. Those spring evenings were so blue, so warm, so alive. Now all the grass was dead, dead leaves littered the gray water that glowed warm teal when Lucius and I walked together. How could those nights have been real?

I carry this burden of loss and defeat and grief with me now. I carried it into the castle, though I never felt the cold of the morning's cruel air leave my skin. I carried it into my bed where I slept the entire day, fretting and tossing and turning in my sheets, clutching my blanket to my chest, though it did not hold in any warmth.

"Bella?" Carla's gentle voice awoke me around 6 that evening, "Bella, it's almost time for dinner. You really ought to eat something, dear. Come on, up you go..."

So I carried my burden to dinner. I said nothing and ate nothing. I felt minutes fall away like raindrops. I watched the enchanted ceiling, noticing there were no stars. That was fine with me. I have nothing to wish for anyone, I was not going to bother. I felt as though my heart had simply burnt out. I was defeated.

However, I fill not fill these pages with only tragedies, for I am Bellatrix Black and I shall never remain defeated. I am like a pheonix in the sense that I too rise from my ashes upon my ruin. And I do intend to rise and shine more brightly than ever before, for I am a fire that can never be extinguished. I burn eternally.

I parted from Carla in the common room where she and the other girls began a game of wizards chess by the fire and I sat beside Roddy, Severus, Rosier, and Dolohov in a dark corner where the light from the torches can barely reach. We had about an hour before the DEY meeting and the three boys had clearing been in a discussion about such matters for they winked and beckoned me closer as I approached. I noticed, as I sat beside Roddy, how deep his eyes were. I forgot where I was for a moment, just gazing at him, before I took a deep breath of reality.

"Are you going to the meeting tonight, Bellatrix?" Rosier asked curiously as I seated myself.

I opened my mouth in outrage but before I could speak, Roddy answered for me, "Of course she is, Evan! Did you forget that she's Bella Black? Nothing can keep her away from the DEY!"

"Not even public humilation?" Rosier chuckled, "Or the fact that her now ex-boyfriend is the president?"

"Nothing, Evan," I said coldly, "And I had my reasons for the Prewett incident."

"You have a blood traitor fetish?" He offered, sniggering with Severus and Dolohov.

"No," I narrowed my eyes, "Now mind your own business. Perhaps if any lady wanted to snog you, you would be less concerned with who I'm snogging. Perhaps, Rosier, if you got your own bloody love life you could get your big nose out of mine."

"Its hard not to be concerned with who you're snogging, Bellatrix," Evan retorted, looking sour, "Seeing as that list seems to include half the men of Hogwarts. Didn't you and Roddy shag in some desserted hallway last week?"

"I wish," Roddy laughed loudly, "How in the name of Salazar did that rumor get fired up?"

"Crabbe and I heard Lucius yelling at you about stealing Bellatrix and something about you two being alone in a hallway so we just assumed..."

"Don't assume anything, Rosier," I snapped, irritably, "That's a notorious quality of Gryffindors."

"I'll refrain in the future then. I wouldn't want an entire house table thrown at me," He laughed, "That was amazing though, I forgot to tell you that you made my day."

"Other than that unfortunate result, it was quite a success." I smirked.

"Any plans in the making for your cousin thus far?" Severus asked eagerly, "The three of us have been pre-meeting brainstorming. I can only dream of the possibilities..."

"Keep your robe on and wait until the meeting," I laughed, "You hate him as much as I do, don't you Sev?"

"Yes," He replied, his voice cold with loathing, "I really do."

"Consider yourself a lucky man," I informed him, shaking with anger, "You see, you don't share the same blood that runs through his traitoring veins. I wish I'd fed him to our man-eating plants as children."

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda," Roddy grinned, "The real question is, what can we do to him now?"

"I wouldn't rule out the man-eating plant plan," Severus half-joked, "But I'm sure Lucius has some thoughts. Where is he anyway?"

"Merlin knows," Roddy shrugged indifferently, "I haven't seen him since before he went out flying. Honestly, I'm not too concerned seeing as he spent 20 minutes shouting at me. He needs to lighten up, he does. I think I'll spike his pumpkin juice with a calming draught, because he seriously needs to mellow. I mean, he gives foul tempered a whole new meaning."

"He'll be present for the meeting," I sighed, leaning against the stone walls of the common room, and stretching out my arms, "He would never dream to miss the DEY. He's probably sitting alone in the dungeon meeting room right now, among the dust and cobwebs and ancient desks, sulking and pacing along the dirty stone floor just waiting for us all to arrive and give meaning to his worthless life."

"Someone is bitter," Roddy snorted, "Lucius is clearly not the only newly single Slytherin in desperate need of a calming draught"

"We'd better start walking soon anyway, we can go in a group of five," Dolohov instructed, standing up and yawning widely, "It's going to be a good meeting. It'd be great entertainment if Bella and Lucius duel. My money is on Lucius."

"Really?" Severus asked thoughtfully, standing up as well, "I'd put a solid galleon on Bella."

"Only a galleon?" I scoffed as we made our way across the common room, and began our journey to the DEY dungeon. I walked with some trepidtion, as I was truly uncertain of what to expect. My whole world seemed to be rearranged, along with my heart and my mind. I guess this is growing up, isn't it? The upheaval of a comfortable, stable, and secure way of life? The arousel of chaos?

Anyway, Lucius was alone in the dungeon as we filed in, exactly as I had pictured. However, I was also expecting some words of abuse, or at the very least a withering stare and yet he greeted me with nothing. Soon the dungeon was brimming with excited DEY members, seated in the dusty old desks with expressions of eager enthusiasm. Many of them called out further congradulations regarding my stunt at breakfast that morning, to which I replied with faux modest smiles. I sat beside Lucius on the desk, as always, though he persisted in failing to acknowledge my existance.

"I call this meeting to order," Lucius said once everyone had quited down, "We are here to discuss the matter of Sirius Black. How do we get to Sirius Black?"

"Avada Kedavra!" Avery shouted wildly.

"Cruciatus curse!" Rosier offered, smirking.

"Poison!" Severus cried out, with excitement.

"No obvious displays of violence-" Lucius began, irritably.

"Actually Lucius, I think that is where we're heading now," Roddy interupted, smiling slightly, "Bella showed us at breakfast that we can get away with more than we would have ever dreamed. I think humilation is brillant, but violence is a helpful tool and a person like Sirius Black is nearly impossible to embarrass or intimidate at all, and entirely impossible without the use of violence. It is the way of the real Death Eaters, why should it not be our way as well? We are training to be true Death Eaters, are we not?"

"Well, of course we are, Rod, but we cannot get ourselves into serious trouble." Lucius glared at Roddy with pronounced dislike glinting in his ice gray eyes. The rest of the room watched the interaction with anticipation. Alecto Carrow was smacking her lips at the thought of using violence against Sirius, Severus was rubbing his hands together in an ominous manner, and Dolohov was smiling in a wistful fashion.

"We won't go as far as to risk expulsion, Lucius old boy," Roddy replied, waving his hand dismissivly, "We just want to scare him, and we can do that with minor violence, can we not? Furthermore, we are not Hufflepuffs, we know how to avoid revealing ourselves and our actions to the professors."

"I second Roddy's motion," I grinned, vicious ideas beginning to formulate behind my eyes.

"Of course YOU second his motion," Rosier sneered, resulting in several others chuckling softly, "But I agree with Mr. and Mrs. Lestrange."

"I call it to a vote then," Lucius announced with clenched fists, "All in favor of permitting the use of minor displays of violence in all current and future plans of the DEY, despite the potential risks?"

Every single hand flew up into the musty dungeon air.

"Cheers, mates!" Roddy beamed widely, throwing his arms around Severus and Dolohov who sat on either side of him in a brotherly manner.

"Very well, very well," Lucius addressed the room in a slightly sulky tone, "However, we must remember that severe violence is still off limits, for we wish to cause our opposers harm, not get ourselves into trouble."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Rosier rolled his eyes, "So what can we do to Sirius?"

"Poison," Severus persisted, "We can find a minor poison, I mean the laughing draught worked pretty well with Molly Prewett, what if we just chose a darker sort of potion for him?"

"Too obvious," Lucius shook his head, "We have to use a variety of tactics. Predictibility will not be tolerated."

"Lets curse his robes on fire," Avery said thoughtfully, "He'll get burned and humilated."

"That's not bad," Lucius smirked, "I say we set his book bag on fire as well, to add insult to injury."

"His friends Potter and Lupin are quick with their wands," Severus reminded us harshly, "We'd have to ensure they don't put out the fire before it does any damage."

"Easy as taking candy from a muggle, Sev," Roddy chortled, "We just summon their wands from behind. We station three of us in front of them, three of us behind them, and there- success!"

"Where and when are we going to go about this?" Lucius asked skeptically, frowning slightly, "They're can't be teachers around when it happens."

"In detention, of course." I replied, laughing, it was all coming together.

"No way, I wanna be there when it goes down!" Roddy insisted, furiously, "Do it right after detention, I'll meet you whereever you guys are. Besides its only you, Lucius, Antonin, and Sev in detention, you need me and one other to have the planned 6 DEY members on the offense to ascertain certain success."

"Who shall be our 6th future Death Eater?" I asked Lucius, who was determindly staring away from me as the crowd before us began to shout out their desire to partake in the latest adventure.

"Who shall it be?" Lucius contemplated, his eyes searching the crowd with meticulous calculation and then his thin lips broke out into a smirl, "I have made my decision! I call for silence!"

"Who is the lucky man, Lucius?" Roddy asked brightly as the commotion faded into an anxious silence.

"Man?" Lucius laughed, "Oh no, I chose a girl- Alecto Carrow, would you do the honors of being our 6th assistant?"

"Of course!" She exclaimed breathlessly, "I'm thrilled to help, really I am?"

"Do any of our other helpers have an issue with this decision?" Lucius asked the crowd, his smirk wider than ever, as he still refused to glance in my direction. I remained silent, biting my lip in contained anger, "No opposition? Excellent! This Friday we attack, and Sirius will learn not to stand in the way of those who support the Dark Lord. Or at least he'll get a taste of what awaits him when we become true Death Eaters. Our target for next meeting is open for discussion- ideas anyone?"

"Let's plan something with real impact, like what Bella did today, you know?" Roddy spoke before anyone else had even opened their mouths, "Let's make a plan to impact all the Gryffindors! Its fun to frighten the "courageous" isn't it?"

"We shouldn't be as fool hardy as some people, however," Lucius said cooly, "We should plan it out carefully and assure all those involved in the planning and execution that they will not recieve punishment for their acts of bravery and integerity to the DEY."

"Whatever you say, boss," Roddy chuckled, "But you do concur? A plan that will have an effect on all or most of the blood traitoring, disgraceful, unpure Gryffindors?"

"Fine," Lucius shrugged, looking aggrivated, "That's something for you all to think about over the following week. As for Dolohov, Alecto, Severus, Roddy, myself, and our 6th assistant, we will have an additional meeting Thursday at 7pm to fine tune our plans for Friday once we find out where our usual Detention will be served. Meeting dismissed."

"Lucius, you're so immature that you are incapable of merely listing my name?" I snapped as soon as the room dissolved and began to disperse in groups of fours and fives.

"You're lucky I don't discharge you from the DEY you blood traitoring bitch," He sneered in a vicious whisper, "Now leave before I change my mind about that."

"FUCK YOU!" I burst out, furiously, "The DEY is as much mine as it is yours! I helped you build this! You cannot make me leave, I would sooner die!"

"I can do whatever I want," Lucius laughed coldly, "Besides Fabian had a point a long time ago when he said that you're pathetic and that there are no female Death Eaters. You think you're so special that the Dark Lord will make an exception for you? Pathetic! Who the hell are you anyway? He won't want you, I don't want you, no one wants you. I'm only keeping you in because its useful to have someone as insanely reckless and malicious as you around, but we don't need you, and neither will the Dark Lord."

Before I knew what I was thnking or doing I flicked my wand and Lucius was hanging upside down by one foot, struggling to hold up his robes as his wand fell from his pocket to the floor and the remaining DEY members turned to watch, laughing openly as he swore and cursed from above.

"Let me down, Bellatrix!" He shouted, his anger boarding on uncontrollable.

"You didn't say 'please', dear Lucius," I said reprovingly, "Now, now, you should really learn some manners. Perhaps then you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with!"

"Perhaps you should learn not to be a blood traitoring slut!" He barked, still clutching desperately at his robes.

"That really isn't the best way to convince her to let you down, mate," Roddy said, containing his laughter, "Some manners might be just what you need right about now."

"Fuck you, Lestrange," Lucius's voice was softer now, and thoroughly heavy with bitterness, "Fuck the both of you. Let me down and leave me alone."

"Apologize to me and I'll allow you to come down," I smirked, retrieving his wand from the floor and twirling it with my fingers. The onlookers glanced curiously from Lucius and myself as he glared down at me.

"I am not apologizing," He spat, angrily, "You disgust me and I hate you and I loathe the day we met, the day we first kissed, the day we first shagged... actually, that one was good. I just loathe everything else about our sick excuse for a relationship. Now, I demand you let me down or you'll suffer the consequences."

"What consequences?" I laughed cruelly, "I'm the one with the power now, Lucius. You are hardly in any position to make threats. Remember what I said about manners? Now apologize to me, for everything you just said tonight."

"Never, you bitch," He seethed, and then turned to the rest of the crowd, "One of you idiots better let me down RIGHT NOW."

"Don't let him down, any of you little gits!" I said quickly, "This isn't your fight, stay the hell out of it or you'll get the same as him!"

"Let me down, you fucking traitors!" Lucius yelled, his cheeks growing red with all the blood rushing to his face, "I am your leader! LET ME DOWN!"

"Don't any of you dare let him down!" I insisted, swallowing hard, and forcing a smile up at Lucius, "I'll let you hang there all bloody night if you don't apologize right now."

"All right then, Bella," Lucius said in a hardened tone, "I'm sorry,"

"That won't quite do, Lucius," I mused, sniggering, "I want more sincerity. You really have to beg for my forgiveness."

"I am terribly sorry that I told you the truth," He growled, "Now let-me-down-damn-you."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, flicked my wand again and watched with cold amusement as he crumpled on the dirty dungeon floor before me, wincing from the pain of impact. I tossed him his wand, laughing maliciously and turned to walk away, but before I could take more than a couple steps I found myself in the same position I had put Lucius in- upside down, shouting swear words and clutching my robes. I, however, I managed to grab my wand, and let myself down immediatly. I had curled in a ball, preparing to make hard contact with the stone floor, but found myself comfortably safe in Roddy's arm, with strange emotions running through my veins.

"Thanks," I said meekly, climbing back down gingerly to stand again as Lucius stepped forward, every inch of his face distorted in anger.

"That's no way to treat a lady, mate," Roddy informed Lucius in an voice that was uncharacteristically serious, "You should really know better."

"You should no better than to steal your best friend's bird, Rod," Lucius replied dangerously, and flicked his wand yet again sending Roddy flying backwards, slamming him into the hard stone wall of the dungeon, clouds of dust billowing upon impact. Roddy coughed and rubbed the back of his head gingerly, muttering curses under his breath.

"Let's get out of here, Roddy," I said, rushing forward, grabbing his hand in my own, "We do not want to be in this kind of company. He has the temperment of a Gryffindor for fuck's sake."

"Yeah, let's go," Roddy agreed, shaking his head in a manner to express his deep disappointment in Lucius as we strode proudly out of the dungeon together. We both turned away from the direction that would lead us to the common room, our footsteps perfectly alined as we strolled towards the green corridor. We didn't need to speak, we just clutched one another's hands and smiled to ourselves. It felt as though it was us against the world.

Arriving at the green corridor greeted me with a wave of rushing relief. It was as though I had been heading here for a very, very long time. We didn't speak as we came to an abrupt halt where the torches burned green, but he merely pulled me towards him in one swift motion. Without hesitation or permission he kissed me, forcefully, each movement of our lips displaying reckless and aggressive passion. Decades of desire were finally requited as we barely even took seconds to breathe. HIs hands travelled from the curve of my back to the cusp of my neck and I held my hands behind his head, stroking his dark soft hair affectionetly. I felt as though pieces of a puzzle I didn't even realize I was solving were finally coming together, I felt as though nothing could be more perfect than those passion filled moments.

"I have been imagining this for so long, Bella," He breathed softly in my ear, "I've dreamed every possible situation when this could finally become reality."

"Is it everything you hoped for?" I whispered back, feeling as though I'd never be able to catch my breath again.

"Better, Bella, worlds better," He assured me before engaging in another deep kiss, "Nothing can compare to this, no dream of mine could hold a candle to this right here."

"You're sweet," I grinned, kissing him again, pulling his strong body even closer to my smaller frame until we were so tightly pressed together I was no longer quite sure we I began and where I ended.

"Where do you want this to go?" He asked gently, stroking my long dark hair, gazing longingly into my eyes.

"As far as possible," I laughed, and began leaving a trail of kisses from his soft lips to the warm skin on his neck while he moaned in a whisper,

"I haven't had sex a month,"

"Oh?" I stepped back, blinking in the ghostly green lighting, "Who was the last girl?"

"Er," He looked suddenly uncomfortable, "Carla... after that Hogsmeade trip, ya know."

"Why wasn't I aware of this?" I demanded sharply, untangling myself from him.

"Because no one was," He answered awkwardly, "We didn't exactly want to tell the Daily Prophet, you know? It was a one time thing, a bit of a mistake probably seeing as she got rather attached and I was rather inlove with someone else... you..."

"Fuck you, fuck this," I turned to walk away, jealousy and fury raging through me as tears burned again in my eyes. It was strange to be crying this much for me, seeing as I have rarely cried since I was a very small child. I have rarely even felt this pang of misery, this pang that had been unrelenting since the evening with Fabian. The tears spilled over as the green light gave way to the usual flamed torches.

"Bella," Roddy grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around, his eyes glittering with a strangled sort of depression and regret, "I love you."

"I love you too" I whispered back and fell once again into his arms. Kisses travelled from lips to necks and onward. Moments lasted forever and for no longer than a second and his moans and breathing were all I could here, and his eyes and lips and muscles were suddenly all I could see. I watched him above me for a moment, hypnotized by the feelings I was experiencing the desperate longing to never leave his side, the amazement at how strong he appeared, the meaning behind the act.

As expediated as we had began our experience, it seemed to end in a cruelly abrupt manner, leaving us semi-clothed and panting in the abandonded hallway. We lay beside one another for a long while, hand in hand, and too exhuasted to appreciate how uncomfortable the stone floor was that lay beneath us.

"Do you really love me?" I asked, my voice shaking with unmistakable and uncharacteristic fragility.

"I have loved you for years, Bellatrix Black," He whispered softly, stifling a yawn, "And that was perfect. And so are you, you know? You're perfect."

"Liar," I laughed, "You don't mean that."

"I don't?"

"Do you?"

"With all my heart."

"We're future Death Eaters," I reminded him, smirking, "We don't have hearts."

"That's propaganda spread by the Gryffindors, Bella," He chuckled, "We have hearts. And you have mine."

"You wouldn't just be saying that, would you?" I asked, the fragile note still pronounced, "Because you'd break mine."

"I mean it all," He reassured me earnestly and we kissed once more that night, but without the same indecent passion. This time it was slow, gentle, sweet. The kind of kiss I never knew existed. I was so strange that I knew I loved him with such certainty, so sure that this felt entirely right, so sure that for the first time in years there existed no shadows of doubt darkening the moment, or my lightened thoughts. It felt as though I was home.

We walked back to the common room, re-emerging into the real world together, our hands and hearts as one. He blessed me with another sweet kiss before we made our way to our seperate dorms. Severus and Dolohov who had been chatting happily by the low burning fire of the growing late evening had laughed at our exchange, but it was amused laughter, bright laughter, and I knew things were finally coming together again as if someone had magically taken pity upon my broken life, flicked their wand and said "reparo!"

So here I am on this lovely Sunday morning with the winter sunlight, cold and feeble pouring into my dorm, lighting the creamy pages in this diary, and I am wearing my heart on my sleeve for a change, and thinking its a nice look for me. I hope I am not being naive again, I hope I do not sound like a love struck Gryffindor but my emotions have always run away with me.

I feel so light, though I am Bellatrix Black.

Love,

Bella

Author's Notes

PLEASE REVIEW IT MEANS A LOT AND GIVES ME MOTIVATION TO CONTINUE WRITING.

I love you all, show me that this feeling is mutual.

Give me and Bella some lovin' :)

anyway, I hope you are enjoying the chapters, and I am sure you will find the following chapter delightful... and I hope you all liked this one.

and if any of you are ever experiencing boy troubles, just focus on writing fanfiction cos it helps p


	14. Shine

December 4th,

Love is so easy with Roddy. Like breathing in and out, it happens so naturally, so swiftly, our embraces, kisses and conversations fill my lungs with oxygen, fill my heart with a calm I never knew existed in this twisted world.

And how I wish I could say that to Andie without the response I can automatically anticipate

"You're the reason the world is twisted, Bella"

Which I can hear her saying clear as a bell, but I know in my heart as I know I love Roddy, that it is she, she and the other blood traitors who have twisted this beautiful world.

Did you know the world was beautiful? The sweet swallows in the morning sun, the taste of pumpkin juice, the melting of snow into clear puddles that reflect the smiling faces of lovers, the melting of their hearts.

Who is Bella Black these days?

I have no bloody clue. But whoever I have become has been smiling incessantly.

Tomorrow is the day we burn Sirius, operation "Shine". Let purebloods shine on. Let Sirius Black glow bright.

Lucius, on the other hand, has been looking very dark lately, very dark indeed.

And I can only HOPE I play some role in this newfound unhappiness. I do believe his heart is far blacker than my own.

Did you know Malfoy in French means bad faith? Among other things, in my personal and ever valuable opinion.

Ill be sure to write tomorrow of how brightly Blacks can shine.

In the meantime it is far past bedtime and I must become submerged in dreams of Roddy… and wizarding domination. A dream encompassing both themes would be especially appreciated.

Love, Bella

PS: I can't decide who I hate more- Lucius or Sirius. Fabian tops the list naturally, but the second most hated is up for much debate.

December 5th,

Blacks are quite flammable. It must be in our blood.

Detention on Friday commenced as usual, miserable and full of sick anticipation.

Hagrid met us at the entrance hall and lead us to the edge of the forbidden forest to a troth full of flobber worms.

"Feed 'em," Hagrid instructed grumpily, "Come get me if there's any sign O' trouble. Bloody Slytherins and your trouble makin'."

"Sure thing, Hagrid," Potter grinned, "We'll stop by for a visit tomorrow. Give fang a treat for us."

And Hagrid gave the Gryffindors a grin and jovial wave of farewell before lumbering off to his cabin. We were silent as we began reaching into bags of mushy leafs to shove down the slimey throats of the flobberworms before us and we could see our breathe in the freezing December night air that burned our exposed skin. I shivered despite the winter coat, scarves and gloves I wore, wishing time would pass more quickly, anxiously awaiting the moment at the entrance hall where I would see Roddy and where I would execute my revenge on the sickening excuse for a cousin who fed his flobberworms and yawned in a bored manner, flanked on either side by Potter and Pettigrew, who looked equally as bored, and I found myself smiling at the realization that I would personally ensure they would have a much more eventful evening after the feeding of the disgusting creatures. They were so weak, defenseless, friendly, these flobberworms, sort of the Hufflepuffs of magical creatures.

Äs I shoved the leafs into their open mouths I avoided all eye contact with Fabian, though I felt my facial muscles ache after a few moments and realized my features were contorted into a look of utmost loathing, directed outwardly at nothing but inside I was picturing his horrible face as he subjected me to his twisted "kisses"

"Hey baby, miss me?" I heard Fabian jeer after approximately five minutes, that felt like approximately 5 years.

"Yes, terribly," Severus answered before I could even recognize that It was I whom he addressed.

"Not you, Snape," Fabian snapped in disgust, "I don't remember making out with you."

"That's because you were very drunk," Potter chimed in, chuckling, "Snape took advantage of you."

"You don't remember, but he spiked your pumpkin juice, he just simply had to have you," Sirius added, amused.

"Actually, unlike some blood traitors among us, Severus doesn't want pathetic excuses for wizards," Lucius's voice cut cruelly through me, "You see, he possesses qualities such as class, and self respect."

"I see what Lucius is doing there," Sirius was now unable to refrain from laughter, "He's saying his lying cheating ex slag has no class or self respect! As if we all didn't know that about Bella already, Malfoy darling."

"I can't imagine how she would make that anymore evident if she made out with a Gryffindor while dating a nasty Slytherin and showed up the next day covered in bite marks, " Fabian mused, his smirk pronounced in his voice though I refused to look at his smug face and focused my glance on the flobberworms before me, "Oh wait, the lying little slut already did that, didn't she?"

"You FORCED me to kiss you!" I burst out in frustration, and I felt my cheeks glow red with defeat, though my patience had been tested to the point of no return, "You hit me and bit me and forced me to kiss you, you disgusting prat."

"You kissed back, I had hickeys for like a week you lying, cow," Fabian tried to laugh, but there was something strained in his voice.

"Sirius saw you hit me, you fucking idiot," I sighed in anger, "Didn't you witness this, dear cousin?"

"You let him hit her?" Potter frowned every so slightly, as I forced myself to glance towards the Gryffindors, Pettigrew and Potter looking disappointed, though curious, while Sirius and Fabian both looked increasingly uncomfortable.

"You hit her?" Ted's voice was distinctively unnerved, "Have you seen her, Fabian? She's tiny, how can you hit a girl that little?"

"She's diabolical," Fabian answered in a would be casual voice, "Besides, Bella Black has never done a thing in her life she didn't want to do, Sirius will tell you that."

"You're saying I wanted you to hit me?" I laughed viciously, "That makes a lot of sense you miserable git."

"I'm saying you wanted to kiss me, you miserable slut." He spat, and his eyes finally connected with mine and without thinking I raised my wand and suddenly he was flung backwards into a tree, his wand soaring into my hand with a swift disarming charm to his blood traitoring face.

"How's it feel to be the one without the control?" I approached him slowly, pocketing my wand and raising his own, cursing off all his hair, "How's it feel to have your wand turned against you? How's it feel to be humiliated?"

"Not half as bad as it must feel to be a maniac, bitch, prejudice, psychotic whore," He shouted, feeling his smooth scalp where his shaggy brown hair used to rest, "Fuck off, will you? You can't shake me half as much as I shook you, because you see, I am not laboring under the diluted impression that I rule the world, unlike you. I know can be attacked, I know I can lose a battle. You never had any idea until I punched that smug little smile off your face and if hitting a tiny girl is the only thing I could do to make you realize you're not fucking immortal than I don't regret a single hit. You deserved it. So do your worst, it won't take back the fact that I BEAT YOU, I HIT YOU, I MADE YOU KISS ME. YOU'RE WEAK, YOU CAN BE BEATEN, SO DO WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL YOU WANT, LAST WEEK STILL HAPPENED"

"Bella, calm down," I heard Lucius hiss as I raised his wand high into the December night, and shouted a curse into the wind that carried straight to his chest and suddenly blood poured from his chest,

"For fuck's sake," Severus sighed and hurried over to Fabian's bleeding body that was slowly sinking to the frozen ground below him as he clutched at his throat, his mouth contorted into screams, but not even a whisper escape his shaking lips.

"Silencing charm before you go us all into a world of trouble," Lucius informed me curtly as I glanced towards his quizzically while Severus repaired my damage, Sirius and Potter helping a bloody Fabian to his wobbly feet.

"I still win," Fabian said as Potter returned his voice with a flick of his wand.

"How do you figure that one, Prewett?" I sneered, returning to my flobber worms after tossing his wand at Sirius face.

"I got to you," He answered aggressively, "And nothing you can do will ever get to me, no cut can be as deep as the impact I had on you."

"That's enough," Ted's voice was uncharacteristically stern, "What the fuck did you do to my girlfriend's sister? You EVER touch her again with anything but your wand, and a teacher will be informed Fabian, you're acting like a Slytherin."

"Don't you dare compliment him that way," I cut in furiously, "And don't defend me, I'm quite all right on my own, I merely had a moment of… weakness."

"You forgot to call me a mudblood," Ted informed me, with the nerve for laugh ever so slightly.

"You do realize you just defended someone who would gladly kill you given the chance?" Fabian mumbled angrily, walking shakily over to his flobberworms.

"Sure," Ted shrugged, "But I defended my girlfriend's sister who you assaulted and humiliated, so evil or not, on principal I am against all acts of violence. Don't sink that low ever again, Fabian. You're better than that."

"Allow me to point out, that clearly he is not," I smirked, feeding the last of my leafs, "What a hero he has turned out to be,"

"Wow, don't you feel like a cunt, Lucius?" Potter remarked conversationally, wiping his hands on his robes as he too finished his flobberworm duty, "You broke up with your girl because she got assaulted by a Gryffindor. What a great catch you turned out to be, not that we expected anymore of you really."

"Maybe he just got sick of having her around so much and used the fact she was attacked as an excuse?" Sirius offered, unhelpfully, "If I had to date a cow like that and she got punched in the face I might use it as an excuse to end it as well. She gets physically hurt and I dump her, makes a lot of logical sense."

"I see where he was coming from, totally," Potter nodded sarcastically.

"You can all go fuck yourselves," Lucius replied calmly, though I saw his eyes narrow in anger, while Severus and Dolohov couldn't help but snicker,

"You can go fuck your girlfriend," Potter shot back enthusiastically, "Oh wait, you dumped her because somebody assaulted her, I forgot."

"I regret saying this already, but Potter is making a lot of sense tonight," I commented, stepping in front of Lucius so he was forced to acknowledge my existence as he now commonly avoided insistently.

"Bella, think your new beau will dump you if I throw you off a cliff?" Sirius asked me in a voice of mock sincerity as the last of the others began walking away from the flobberworms, our assignment completed.

"I think she'd die if you threw her off a cliff, Siri," Potter laughed as the group of us ascended the hill up towards the vegetable path, our venture towards the entrance hall commencing.

"Not if the cliff was short enough, though I am not entirely against her dying," Sirius shrugged non chalently as we walked, Fabian and Lucius both blushing as the conversation persisted, "But say the cliff was short and she merely broke one of her legs or something."

"What a slut," Potter grinned, "I'd dump her immediately."

"Oh, same here," Ted joined in brightly, "If someone forced Andie to kiss them and beat her up in the process, I'd hate her forever. What a cow."

"Insulted and injured, publically, and assaulted, what a bitchy thing to do," Potter shook his head, chortling.

"All right, I'm going to punch you if you lot don't shut it," Fabian snapped finally, the castle coming into view over the frozen grounds coated with dead leafs and small patches of snow from earlier that week.

"I hear your great at punching, Fabian," Potter couldn't suppress laughter as he spoke, "Bella told me."

"Oh just fuck off, all of you, I put that bitch in her miserable place, since when are any of you on HER side?" Fabian erupted in frustration, pounding his fist against a tree as we passed.

"You just punched an oak tree I was dating," Potter gasped, amused at his own commentary, "I think I'll dump it."

"I wouldn't worry about the tree," Sirius said reassuring, throwing his arm about Potter, "Its an evil tree, and itll be dating someone else in a day or so. How is Lestrange anyway, Bella?"

"Wonderful, in fact," I glared at Lucius as spoke, "A HUGE improvement."

"Was there subtext in there?" Potter burst out laughing.

"MASSIVE subtext," I laughed as well, hating myself for sharing a moment of laughter with Potter, but thoroughly loving the look of disgust on Lucius's sharp features.

"You just got HUGELY insulted, mate," Severus had begun chuckling as well.

"Leave LITTLE Lucius alone," I scolded, stifling a giggle, "Its not his fault."

"Best detention ever," Potter beamed, "And the craziest part is, I'm enjoying Bella's company more then Fabian's. Less violence from you, Fabian old boy, or you're going to become Bella, and no one wants a male version of her. The only reason she's tolerable as a female is that she's hot,"

"She's entirely intolerable," Sirius made a retching sound as he spoke, "Now stop complimenting my cousin, she's enjoying this too much and anything that makes Bella happy has got to irk me."

"Clearly, since you let your maniac friend beat me up," I snapped, but we'd reached the steps, and I knew in a moment, the world would be right again and Sirius would be alight with anger. Pun intended.

"That's a little fucked up, Siri," Potter conceded while Peter nodded sycophantically and Ted sighed, shaking his head towards my cousin and Fabian.

"My only defense is that she's an evil cow," Sirius shrugged, "And if I knew he'd be kissing her, I would have warned him he might catch pureblood mania and dragged him away. I thought he'd just slap her around a bit, just enough to shake out the evil demon possessing her. Didn't think the little nutter would actually get hurt. I forget Gryffindors can forget themselves and act like Slytherins.

"It was an act of nobility, she's out of her mind and evil as they come," Fabian defended himself, his voice growing tired and wary as we climbed the last of the steps. Nodding to each other, Dolohov raced ahead to meet Carrow and Roddy, while Lucius, Severus and I hung behind, watching as the Gryffindors advanced before us.

"Look you acted like a Slytherin for a moment, we need to keep you in check, that temper of yours Fabian-"

But before Ted could finish his sentence the entrance hall was aglow with hexes and shouts.

Pettigrew, Potter, and Ted were disarmed from behind, while Fabian evaded the disarming curse Roddy aimed as they jumped out from behind a suit of armor, and suddenly, Sirius's scream of agony echoed, his clothing burning so brightly, the firelight casting an eerie glow on his horrified expression. Forgetting myself and the mission for a moment, I flashed the same hex on Fabian and he too cried out in his pain.

"BELLATRIX BLACK STICK TO A GODDAMN PLAN!" Lucius cried in frustration.

"My feelings got the best of me," I grinned, Roddy rushing to embrace me, and as we collided he lifted me up from under my arms, swung me around and planted a gentle kiss on my smiling lips.

It was several moments before Potter scrambled for his wand on the floor and doused the two fireballs with cold water, and they lay on the tiles, moaning and scalded.

"You two both have a fiery temper, we thought this would be fitting," I turned from Roddy, who held me agsint his chest tightly, to face our victims, "Now you can tell all the Gryffindors that we're not kidding around, and you can tell the teachers that this was some sort of tragic accident, because if you breathe our names in your explanation, I claim rape and Fabian is expelled."

"You can't prove-" Fabian whimpered, his eyes teary as his skin blistered before his ashen clothing.

"Neither can you, sweetheart," I grinned, looking down at him with utmost repulsion while Ted, Potter, and Pettigrew tended to Sirius anxiously.

"Now run along, boys," Carrow shouted to the Gryffindors, still beside the suit of armor, "And remember, let this all be our little secret, because a jinx versus a sexual assault, well we all know the result."

"And a burn versus an expulsion, well we all know your preference." Lucius sneered.

"And, Prewett," Roddy realsed me gingerly and bent down on the smooth tiled floor, locking eyes with Fabian, "If you ever touch my girlfriend again, you'll see how far we can really take this."

Fabian, wincing in his pain, stared determinedly back at Roddy, "And exactly how far as that?"

"Further than the noble Gryffindors can surely imagine," He answered in a low deadly whisper, and with a flick of his wand a heap of salt poured down on Fabian.

"Whats an injury without an insult?" Roddy grinned as Fabian screamed.

"Silencio," I sighed, my wand pointing to a shouting Fabian, "You need to learn to shut up, youre going to wake up the whole school with your whining."

Potter removed the salt and began healing Fabian as he and ted had to Sirius, who was looking pained and exhausted, still sprawled on the floor. Roddy clasped his hand in mine and lead us towards our common room, our fellow Slytherins following suit.

"Now that I think about it," Potter called to our retreating footsteps, "Maybe I would have hit Bella too."

"Ah, all right then, Potter" Roddy stopped, turned around, and without a second's hesitation, Potter was also a light, though immediately extinguished due to Ted's quick wandwork.

"The little brat is going to start believing the world revolves around her," Ted sighed heavily, as we turned to walk once more, away from the wreckage of the evening and towards our dimly lit abode where we were greeted as heroes.

And I reminded myself of that bitter aftertaste id been suffering with so long, the aftertaste of my blood, and Fabian's flesh, and of humiliation, the lingering flavor of defeat and for a second I felt a twinge of pity for the Gryffindors back in the entrance hall, but it vanished like a flash in the pan, and I pictured their newfound aftertaste, of ash and of their own defeat, and I couldn't help but laugh, laugh out loud so hard I relied on Roddys shoulder for balance as we entered our common room, our beautiful dungeon home.

"What's so funny?" Rosier asked excitedly, the members of the DEY gathering around their warriors of the evening.

"Let's just say justice is a dish best served scalding hot." Roddy grinned at our well wishers and I tried to stifle my giggles in the presence of our members, but I couldn't help feeling as though I was never defeated at all, because who was currently laughing? And who was currently wincing? Who had stolen the trophy? I thought I'd never stop beaming.

"I take it operation shine shined brightly?" Carrow's brother offered, chuckling.

"The fight got quite heated," Severus chimed in with a wink.

"Enough with the puns, the Gryffindors will be suffering burns this evening, thanks to our handy work." Lucius explained irritably, "A meeting, now, we must gather, all of you, come in fives to the dungeon and make it hasty."

"Shouldn't we be celebrating?" Roddy asked lightheartedly. "All work and no play makes Merlin a dull wizard."

"Merlin isn't in the DEY, Lestrange," Lucius snapped.

"Fine, fine," Roddy waved his hand, rolling his deep eyes dismissvly, "But I'm summoning firewhiskey, it seems the appropriate beverage of the evening."

"Do what you like, Lestrange, just be at the dungeon in ten minutes," Lucius replied harshly, "Now, Dolohov, both Carrows, and Severus follow me. The rest of you, groups of bloody five, and come with ideas of an ill nature. Let's get down to business."

"I'll drink to that," Roddy said brightly,

"You'll drink to anything," Severus laughed as he departed with Lucius and the others.

"Let's make merry, my future comrades in arms, and rejoice, for the night is ours!" Roddy called out, summoning firewhiskey and the DEY members gathered around, while the other Slytherins glanced at us in admiration and confusion.

I grabbed a bottle for myself, leaning into Roddy's open left arm while he drank with his right, and smiled to myself, "Hey Roddy?"

"Yes, my beautiful?" He replied gently, his breathe fiery and cool at the same time as he leaned in towards me, our faces inches from one another's.

"Do you ever think to yourself that we live a charmed life?" I beamed up at him and he lowered his head further to kiss me, he tasted intoxicating.

"Charmed, enchanted, bewitched, simply beautiful like you," He replied softly as the other began singing loudly of Slytherin pride, their words drowning out all other noise, and I had never felt so at home.

"Oh Roddy," I sighed, so happy I felt light headed, or perhaps that stemmed from the whiskey, but either way I was dizzy because of something so overwhelmingly wonderful, "I love you, I really do."

"I love you too, my dearest, my only," He kissed my cheek in a manner so sweet I almost felt a tear burn behind my eyes, "You make evil look so good."

"What they call evil, we call noble." I mused, sinking deeper into his frame, "And what they call noble, we call repulsive. Only one group of us can be right."

"And doesn't it feel wonderful to be right?" He whispered delicately into my ear, his breath lingering after his words became silence.

"It's marvelous," I agreed, taking another generous gulp of the firewhiskey in the bottle, "Do you think, in the end, when all is said and all is done, we'll be here, like this? I mean, can we be this happy forever?"

"Forever and ever, Bella, my word is as pure as my blood." He assured me, and then swept me up in his strong arms, heading towards the door, "Now off we go, another meeting which means another victory. It is a beautiful world we live in, my sweet, now let's go live in it."

"I have never been so happy just to be alive," I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck, Rosier and two others following us towards the meeting.

"Never forget this moment," Roddy said sternly as we walked down the long dungeon corridor, "Never forget the color of the stone, or the feeling of my arms, or the sound of the cheers surrounding us, because this is life, Bella, and we're taking a moment to take it in, in all its glory. Never forget this, when you grow tired or fall into some sort of ill despair, look back on this and remember this is life and look around you, where ever you may be when you lose your way, because I promise you'll always find your way back here, safe, amongst victory and virtue and glory and happiness, and most importantly, in my arms. This is life and this is love. Never doubt me, or yourself. Just hold me tighter when you grow wary. I am here, I am always with you, because you see, you are in possession of my heart."

"This is the best moment of my life," I informed him shyly as we reached the DEY meeting room, and Roddy kicked the door open as we filed in.

"This is just the beginning," He whispered, gently perching me atop my usual seat beside Lucius, who looked displeased, "This is the beginning of the rest of your life."

"Perfect," I breathed, 'Now let's live it."

"That's my girl," He smiled, so sincerely, my heart skipped a beat, "Now that we've noticed life, we shall live it."

"To the fullest!" I added, kissing him before he took his own seat in one of the old dusty desks before me.

"That's enough, I'm going to vomit," Lucius cut in, sighing from his own seat beside me.

"Well, that's just a nice bonus," I smirked at him, pursing my lips satisfied as he called the meeting to order.

"Now before you get to high on your so-called love, and drunk off that very potent firewhiskey, remember this Bellatrix Black," Lucius whispered while the chatter and chaos of the room died down, "We're right, but we're not nice people."

"And thank Merlin." I laughed after another hearty sip from my whiskey, "I'd rather be glorious than 'nice'. I'd rather be almost anything but 'nice'."

"Spoken like a future Death Eater," He looked at me, thoroughly amused.

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, despite our prolonged relationship, Lucius Malfoy, and I thank you for that one sentence and nothing else, for though you have you intentions correct, you are an awful Slytherin."

"Hardly, Bella," He replied in a whisper as the room grew quieter, "I'm just awful at being who you want me to be. And now we can be professional, we are no longer a part of each other, ignoring those sickening memories we must bear, we can look forward now, focus on the DEY, make some history, make chaos, have some fun."

"I never say no to making history, chaos, and fun." I couldn't help but smile at the man I used to think I used to love.

"Then allow the meeting to begin," He cleared his throat and addressed the room, "I have a mission, and I would like to turn my idea into a reality. Who is with me?"

His question was met with shouts of concurrence and praise.

"What is this idea you wish for us to transform, dear Lucius?" I asked, smiling ever so slightly, noticing every pair of calculating eyes in the dungeon room where fixated on Lucius.

"Operation contact," He said simply, and ignored the confused silence, proclaiming this cryptic announcement with no explanation.

"Contact with whom, Lucius?" Severus asked, his heavy brow furrowed, the room remaining in pure silence after his question was met with a snigger from Lucius.

"With whom?" Lucius repeated, amused, "Whom do you all think? Venture a guess, my dear DEY members, venture a guess. The worst you can be is incorrect and we all must suffer the misfortune of being wrong from time to time.

"This may sound presumptuous, even insane, but insanity is part of the nature of this club, so allow me express an idea?" Roddy called out when no one else spoke.

"Permitted," Lucius smirked, "Enlighten us on your assumption, Rod, I'd be delighted to confirm and delighted to deny whatever your mind has imagined."

"Well, it would seem fitting, though impossible," Roddy paused.

"Go on, Rod," Lucius encouraged, "We do not have all night, I'm sure you and my ex have some romantic evening planned with some torture and debolical schemes and perhaps a little shagging, so because I would hate to shorten these wonderful plans of yours, I advise you to spit it out for Merlin's sake."

"I believe, I mean to say I hope, your ambition is to engage in contact with the Dark Lord himself?" Roddy said, slowly and measured. His words were met with gasps of anxiety, excitement and doubt, though the smile on Lucius's face widened, his gray eyes sparkled.

"Correct." Lucius nodded and the gasps grew louder, "Now the question I pose to you all before we dismiss so you can all dissolve into drunken messes, teenage students, instead of my powerful DEY, is HOW? Brain storm, assuming you have the brains, and return to me, a meeting will be held in three days time, and solutions, ideas, and schemes will be brought to the floor then. For tonight, I bid you farewell, and advise you all, whole heartedly, not to do anything I wouldn't do. Good evening, my dear Slytherins, and may you come up with many wonderful ideas for the next meeting. Adieu.

And with that I left with Roddy, the green corrider, and sweet kisses, sweet romance, and a wonderful night, the best I can remember, the best I can imagine and before I left to bid my love farewell and retire to my own awaiting bed, I thought to myself, that as beautiful as the starry sky above us surely was, it was of no use to me. I was out of wishes.

Happiness is so frightening however, I realized as I laid my head to drift to sleep, for I'd never had so very much to lose and so very much to gain.

Surely, even the brightest stars burn out, or fall, surely what comes up must come down.

But such tragedies seemed so far away as sleep came to claim me that evening, I was enchanted with life, charmed with the nature and beauty of it all, and surely even the most devastating tragedy could be outweighed by the glory of such ecstasy as I felt that day.

And though it all my fall apart tomorrow, it does not diminish the beauty I witness in today.

Love, Bella.


	15. In the name of love

December 7th,

There a vast number of positive qualities I will reluctantly concede to Lucius Malfoy's character. For example his high respectable lineage, his unfailing pragmatism, his natural capability for leadership, his cunning and charm, his usual conversational eloquence and his infamous self assurance often misunderstood for supreme arrogance. And because of these qualities he is very often correct in his assumptions and opinions. For example he has the correct stand on politics, the Dark Lord, blood traitors, Mudbloods, and it was he who informed me that I did not love him,

And no, I have never loved Lucius Malfoy.

And I never knew I never loved him until I knew I loved Roddy.

It is so different, dear diary, so very different. In seeing Roddy I do not see a reflection of myself, my future, I do not see plans and deadlines and aspirations, no I see nothing but his handsome face, his endlessly deep eyes, his strong arms and it takes my breath away.

Though I am inlove with him, and inlove with the natural high I have come to associate with this love, I fear he is clouding my own ambition. I am deathly afraid of love. If I were to see a Bogart I do believe it would turn into a Valentine's day card. I find myself shaking whenever we kiss, I tell him its passion, but its fear and anxiety peaking within me as my love soars.

Maybe I wasn't made for loving. Some people can't do math properly, some people have a natural aversion to charms. Maybe I have a natural aversion to love, because I have never been so happy, never so devoid of my usual fiery anger, the typical rage I've known to flow through my veins has grown weaker under Roddy's sweet lovesick gaze, and I find myself less driven to destruction and less concerned with my former obsessions, for I am disillusioned, confounded, and enchanted by this pesky ordeal called love.

I want to become the most loyal, most powerful, imfamous and daring servant of the Dark Lord.

Can I do this and also become Mrs. Roddy Lestrange?

I just don't know, simply can't fathom having both roles and committing myself entirely to each dream.

I cant be inlove for the first time, I just cant be. Every kiss is a fix, im getting addicted, love is an illness and its getting worse each time he holds me.

Oh diary, I'd make an awful Gryffindor because I am so very terrified. I have no female friends, except Carla who used to like Roddy so my friendship with her is rendered useless in this affair. This absence of a female presence in my life lead me to seek out little Cissy, yes my 13 year old sister, because I can't turn to Andy or Carla and Alecto Carrow probably knows as much about love as she does about weight loss, and I just couldn't stand feeling so… out of control of my own emotions, so I ran to my baby sister.

"Cissy, I need an anti-love potion," I told her anxiously this morning after Roddy and I shared a beautiful night wandering around in a luxurious blizzard. We were mesmerized by the beauty and power of the snow, the cruelty in its temperature and the aesthetics of its surface. He understood me, everything I said he finished each sentence as though they were his own thoughts, and we held one another, kisses like I'd never dreamed possible, kisses that meant more than the sickening physical interaction, the animalistic need to share saliva, they're beautiful, intense, the essence of what I feel as we lock eyes, as he sees through me.

"Why on earth would you want to destroy love?" She looked up at me confused from where I had cornered her in the library where she sat alone with her transfiguration homework.

"Not destroy it," I said in a hushed voice, waving my arm dismissively, "I just want to liberate myself from its hold, I'm forgetting who I used to be, I'm falling too fast, too hard, I'm losing sight of my former goals, im becoming far too-"

"Far too happy, Bella my darling?" Cissy smiled knowingly, "Embrace it, embrace Roddy, let it happen. Do not run from what makes you shine, ive never seen you glow so warmly, you just look happy my sister, I am so happy for you!"

"Have you not been listening, daft girl?" I seethed, and commenced pacing around her table, "I'm not myself."

"Thank Merlin," She teased with a wink

"Look, love is fine, love is delightful, but I have PLANS, I need FOCUS, I cannot be this-"

"Happy?"She offered, repeating that insipid adjective

"No," I snapped, glaring at my pretty little Narcissa, "Distracted is the correct word."

"A minor side effect that will wear away with time, allow yourself to feel this way, it may happen just once," She sigh dreamily, "Just relax, for two bloody seconds, take a breath, and enjoy. You'll be back to scheming, planning, and you're intense focus on wizarding domination in no time, but for now focus on your love, its beautiful, isn't it? To be inlove?"

"How do you know so much about it?" I asked, suspiciously, "You've never been in love, little one."

"How in Merlin's name would you know?" Cissy laughed, a bit coldly, "When have you ever asked?"

"Well, you're so young," I insisted, frowning at her in confusion, "I just assumed, I mean at age 13 what on earth did I know about love? Not a single thing, I still labored under the delusion Malfoy was right for me, mother is in a bloody state we broke up even though I'm with an equally respected pureblood, I mean, what's the difference?"

"You're very self centered," Cissy mused, smiling slightly as though it was a trait in me that she found impossibly endearing, "But I suppose to her there is no difference besides the Malfoys have a bit more gold, and to you there is all the difference in the world, because you love Roddy and Malfoy just was a stepping stone for your Death Eater games."

"They're not a game, you child, you," I snickered, "But Mother need't be concerned with gold, our family plus the Lestranges have more than 98% of this stupid school, I mean we give rich a richer definition."

"Why did you leave Lucius anyway?" Cissy asked curiously, "Because Roddy was more youre type? Did you know you loved him already, when you were with Lucius? I mean, I don't get it, Lucius is… well Bella, he's a fox."

"You date him then," I laughed, pacing again, my mind frantic with love struck anxiety.

"May I?" She asked in a voice so small, I had to take a moment to register her question.

"May you date Lucius Malfoy?" I actually burst into laughter, "You're a child and he's a grown man, that's creepy, I mean, besides he's so busy how on earth would he gather the time? I mean, youre so little… Do you love my ex boyfriend, is this where you've learned all about this stupid love illness?"

"Trust me when I say its about ten times worse when your love is unrequited," Cissy looked grumpy, her lips twisted into a pout, "Its equally distracting without the satisfaction, I mean, I don't get kisses or the happy shiny glow you attain from your love, its not fair."

"You love Lucius?" I was still in a fit of giggles, "Oh Cissy, I dated the man you were inlove with? Oh that's insane, that's hilarious, I don't even know what to say except- well, I mean, despite the sickening age discrepancy, go for it"

"I could date him?" She brightened suddenly, "You wouldn't be upset?"

"Au contraire, my Cissy, I'd be immeasurably amused," I swooped in and pecked her lightly on each cheek, "In fact, I'd rather love to see you in love with me, it'd be a riot and I'd no longer suffer this beautiful and horrible affliction alone."

"And to think everyone thinks you're a wee monster," Cissy jumped out of her library seat, slamming her text book shut and kissing me cheeks in return, "You're just a little girl in love like me, we're not so different, you and I, we merely have different plans. Now please, tell me you'll try to stop hating love? Its really doing wonders for your complexion, you look prettier than ever."

"I noticed my skin, it almost glows, doesn't it?" I laughed again, feeling giddy, "And Its hard not to hate love, its like I'm not programmed for it, it doesn't fit in with my plans and my ambitions, and its so overwhelming and I'm so, I'm just so bloody vulnerable, and I despise being vulnerable."

"I've never heard you speak so freely, love is maturing you." Cissy was beaming as we exited the library.

"I'm not mature, well I mean, yes I am, but I hate this, so vulnerable, so at ease, that lack of such feverent motivation for my dreams,…"

"You're rambling!" Cissy chuckled, "Love does wonders for you, it makes you human."

"Oh great, another symptom of this disease," I cringed, composing myself as we made our way through the relatively deserted halls towards the common room. I felt dizzy, all these words and feelings, coursing through me, practically changing my DNA, WITHOUT my permission, may I add.

As we approached the door Cissy reached up and grabbed my shoulders, pulling my face down level to her own, "Promise me something?"

"I don't believe in promises," I replied with a heavy heart, sinking as I thought of Sirius. I shook my head to rid my heart of such memories; love was making me so emotional.

"Yes you do, don't be silly," She replied, ignoring my sincerity, "Promise me you'll give love a chance, despite the gamble. Life is a risk Bella, you're risking your life for the Dark Lord."

"But to risk my heart, my pride, and my future for love?" I bit my lip.

"Is a wonderful gift, a wonderful opportunity you've been given, no be brave and accept it," She informed me, in a voice far too old for her 13 year old façade, and with these parting words we entered the common room and went out separate ways.

Roddy and I cuddled by the fire, planning his trip to my mansion on Christmas night between brief kisses before dinner.

And now I have approximately 12 minutes before the meeting so I must rush to meet Roddy, Sev, Lucius, and Dolohov to walk to the dungeon for the meeting, the meeting where operation contact will be discussed, and though my heart is filled with excitement for this daring new operation, for the fame and glory we could be acquiring so soon, it is also brimming with love, this illness I suffer.

And I believe I both love and hate love.

What a twisted, convoluted, dizzying frame of mind I am in as I embark upon my future, what a way to walk towards that dungeon, towards the day, towards my destiny.

I feel no fear at risking everything for the Dark Lord, who embodies glory, fame, purity, and in some respects- hatred.

But I am crippled with fear at risking everything for love.

What does that say about me?

Salazar, dear Salazar and Merlin alike, please aid me, I am so lost for the first time.

Curse love

Curse hate

Curse this insistent humanity I must suffer with the burden of carrying.

I feel so weak, I am vulnerable to defeat.

Curse me.

Love,

Bella

December 10th

Operation contact is in full swing. I never knew the number of DEY members with such alarming outside connections. Not only will Lucius be sending his father an owl explaining our organization and our desire to make contact with the Dark Lord, but Roddy, of course, is sending his older brother Rabastan an owl, Rookwood is sending an owl to his death eater uncle, Albert Parkinson's older brother is a death eater, and he too will be receiving an owl. Nott, Goyle, and Mulciber's parents are apparently Death Eaters too and thus will receive owls from their sons. I know there are more, but I am writing in an uncharacteristically disjointed manner already and thus will stop making lists and allow it to suffice to say that our list of Death Eater connections spans far and wide and our organization will be unknown to our Dark Lord no longer. We are paving our own road to glory, we are planting the seeds of our success, and I can see this road, this garden we tend to, flourish already, oh we are so close to the man who inspired us all, who brought us together, who gives us meaning, who makes our takes our daily lives and adds vitality. He is the reason I am where I am, the reason I believe what I believe, the reason I see the world the way I see it, he is my everything.

I can't believe how close we are now, it seemed just yesterday we were a group of naive dreamers , with silly books of curses, school pranks to establish our presence, meetings in our dirty dungeon with bright ideas of dark magic, and we've grown to be what we are today- powerful.

Other plans discussed at the latest meeting involved one more fiasco in the making before Christmas break.

"Let's go out with a bang, as they say," Roddy suggested, beaming widely.

"Yeah, let's bang Sirius's head into something hard, like a stone wall," Severus chuckled, mostly to himself.

"How about we plan something for the last dinner before the break commences?" I offered, biting my lip in contemplation, "I mean, we leave in the morning so that last dinner is the last time the whole school will be together before the new year, itll be the last thing all the wee children going home will remember, it will be on their minds, weighing and nagging, all through their Christmas."

"I approve of the timing, that seems a sufficient suggestion," Lucius nodded curtly, though he still remained cold to me, a chill emanating from the space between the chair where he sat and desk where I perched myself only inches away from him.

"Great, so we have a date and time, now we need a plan," Rosier said, an obvious observance in my opinion, and not one that needed to be said with such a purpose, for he clearly had no plan to offer.

"Obviously," Lucius rolled his eyes, clearly thinking the same thoughts as I, and I was reminded very briefly, of why we dated for so long, we are so very alike.

"Well chaps, what evil schemes can we concoct this evening?" The Carrow brother asked the room brightly.

"Something that will frighten them, and haunt them, but without consequence to us, we are operating in secrecy," Lucius sighed, reminding everyone harshly, "Like the true Death Eaters before us, this must be done carefully, meticulously, and without betraying our identities."

"We're aware of the protocol, Lucius, so stop stalling and start scheming," Roddy encouraged brightly, grinning over at Lucius and I, and winking heartily in my direction, though I tried to keep myself from blushing, I was sure I couldn't resist.

"What if someone could bewitch all the pumpkin juice into something else?" Severus proposed thoughtfully, his eyes far away as his mind worked out the details of his suggestion, "What if we could station someone, under an invisibility potion, by each of the three other housetables, have them silently curse the pumpkin juice into something foul, and then escape before the potion wore off to expose them."

"So three people , three tables, three houses, well obviously they'll know its Slytherin and take away house points," Lucius said scowling, though not ruling out the plan Severus had detailed.

"Oh come on, Lucius, everyone knows its Slytherins already, who is that really going to shock? Maybe a couple first year mudblood Hufflepuffs, but everyone, even the teachers are fully aware that it is the Slytherin house who has been responsible for the uproar among Hogwarts since the beginning of the DEY," Severus snapped defensively.

"Besides, I don't give a Hippogriff's behind if we lose 'house points'', darling ex boyfriend," I taunted, "There is much more at stake than 35 points from Slytherin, and our exact identities will be unknown, nothing can be proven, we wont exactly jump out and say surprise after the potion kicks in."

"I am well aware of all this, Bella, but we cannot be fool hardy, we can't make a single mistake, the second the administration becomes aware of who has been behind the DEY, or even finds proof of the DEY's existence is the day we're bloody expelled."

"They won't find out, lighten up, this is dark stuff, we know to approach our endeavors with caution," I informed him, coolly.

"You're the most reckless person I know, I feel the need to remind you that there will be serious ramifications if we-"

"For Merlin's fucking sake, we know, Malfoy," Rosier said dismissively.

Barty Crouch Junior nodded fervently in agreement, "Spare us the lecture, it will merely steal time away from what we should be discussing!"

"You're a bloody Hufflepuff, Junior, shut up," Lucius sneered.

"Junior is a good DEY member, you don't snap at him," Roddy shook his head in annoyance, "Furthermore, he happens to be correct, what we need to discuss here is not the various ways we will be punished if we are to be uncovered, but we need to decide on what to turn the pumpkin juice into!"

"Precisely!" Junior grinned so widely he shined, I hadn't notice how much older he was becoming, though still a fourth year, or a fifth year, I really don't have a penchant for remembering people's years, not with everything else on my mind.

"I have so many ideas for potions…" Severus chuckled.

"We want to change the liquid into something else?" Nott asked, uncertainly, "Make them drink something foul? I was thinking, why not turn the juice into spiders? "

"I was envisioning a potion as well," Lucius remarked slowly, "However, variety is the spice of life, is it not?"

"What is it that you are proposing, Lucius?" I asked, turning to face him, though he was looking determinedly away from me, straight ahead, his eyes focused intently on the dirty back wall of the old dungeon class room where they once taught how to defend against the dark arts, and where we now plan to utilize them.

"Half of each house table's juice will be transfigured into a dizzying potion, a simple potion to transfigure, and an effective one on a large number of people. They will become confused and slighrly ill, and they will feel weak, while on the other side of each house table the juice will be transfigured into spiders, causing the dizzy people to, in all probability, faint, and those not afflicted by the dizzying draught to wince, cringe and become overwhelmed in panic and chaos, oh yes, it will be quite the scene."

"Excellent, so now we must decide: who are the lucky heroes in charge of Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw?" Roddy looked around the room curiously, "Who has their transfiguration OWLs?"

"I'll take Ravenclaw, as President of this organization, I nominate and approve of myself," Lucius said haughtily, "I got an O in transfiguration, of course."

"Well, I'll happily take Hufflepuff," Dolohov offered, pushing his chest out in pride, "I achived an Outstanding owl myself."

"Beautiful," Lucius's smirk was alight with a frenzied sort of ambition, "And then who will take Gryffindor?"

I glanced around to see the entire room, every pair of excited eyes, staring straight at the position where I sat perched upon the ancient desk, "Can I help you all with something you jumpy gits?"

"Yes, yes I believe you can help me with a lot, Bella my darling-"

"Shut up, Roddy, I am going to be ill all over the floor," Lucius snapped furiously.

"- But you can help the DEY with something too," Roddy finished, beaming at me.

"You want me to take Gryffindor?" I laughed, a smile twisting about my lips after my laughter died down, "well I only achieved an E, but I think my hatred of that house should give me that extra incentive I require. I'll practice daily, and yes, yes of course, it would be my greatest moment, the highest honor."

"Approved," Lucius's moment of repulsion had faded and now he was smirking once more, his typical expression, the one I have always associated with Lucius Malfoy.

"So then, meeting adjourned, oh powerful president?" I smirked back at him, trying to catch his ever evasive eyes.

"In a moment, keep your robes on, if you can handle that, Bella," He shot, his lip curling slightly, "Now the last dinner of term is in exactly one week, the 17th, so Thursday, the 16th we will have one last meeting to go over every detail of the plan, every single bloody detail, and everyone keep me notified on the responses of the owls you plan on sending to your friends and relatives involved in the Death Eaters. Now, my proud Slytherins, and Rookwood the ravenclaw, plus Barty Junior the Hufflepuff, I bid you farewell, have a pleasant evening, and don't get into any trouble. I have heard complaints, try to hex fewer first years in the halls, what a stupid way to blow our cover, gentlemen and Bella."

He finally looked at me as he finished speaking, though it was a glare, it was at least acknowledgement of my existence. This made me smirk, which made him glare more intently and then look away, reminding me of a petulant child and I couldn't help but to laugh as I bounced gracefully from the desk to join Roddy, Sev and Dolohov by the exit. Lucius followed me, yawning widely as the group began to disband in fives, every four minutes.

"Think you can handle it, honey?" Dolohov was smirking, "I mean, its quite an impressive bit of magic we are requiring of you,"

"If you ever question me again, I'll curse your hair off," I glared at him, though a smirk shone through on my lips, "But I'll allow your ignorance this once, and I will grant you an answer. Of bloody course I can handle it. Prepare to me amazed, all of you."

"Its going to be amazing" Roddy chuckled, "I'm so proud of you, Bella, look at how brave you asre. Now are you very certain you're not a Gryffindor?"

"Gryffindors are noble," Lucius said off handedly, though his harsh gaze betrayed his feelings, "And loyal."

"What are you trying to say, mate?" Roddy raised his eye brows.

"Oh nothing, not a thing," Lucius wore his brightest fake smile and turned to leave the room with four others while Roddy and I hung behind, waving good bye to Dolohov and wishing I could curse Lucius without consequence.

Roddy and I left five minutes later in the company of Junior, Rosier, and Mulciber, all of us chatting excitedly of the upcoming plan.

"The operation needs a name," Rosier pondered as we made our way back towards the common room, "Operation chaos?"

"Operation Devastation?" Junior offered, chuckling.

"Love it," I beamed down at the boy, who looked smug, blushing beneath his freckled face, "I simply cannot WAIT for next week. I mean, this is the most exciting mission we've ever done, it will be epic, historic, something to tell the Dark Lord when we make contact, I mean its like everything is coming together, into some large cosmic puzzle!"

"That's the point of all this, Bella my belle, success, and it is rapidly becoming ours." Roddy swooped down and kissed my cheek, while Rosier pretended to gage and I blushed far pinker than Junior had.

"I know that, Roddy," I laughed, pulling away from his kiss, "Its just a wonder how far we've come, hoe close we are to reaching our goal of becoming true Death Eaters. I can taste it."

"You can taste death?" Rosier sneered.

"I can taste victory," I corrected him irritably as we reached the common room door and bid farewell to Junior.

My dreams have been a strange and bizarre mixture of the DEY, Roddy, and beautiful visions of the Dark Lord. One day perhaps sooner than I can even imagine, I will meet the Dark Lord. I fantasize about it as much as I fantasize about Roddy, the man I love, and thus I have concluded I love the Dark Lord, a man I have never much, equally to Roddy my darling.

And this is a great compliment because in regards to Lucius, I always adored the Dark Lord a great deal more.

I can see a new future, not the one Lucius and I created, but a future where Roddy and I serve the Dark Lord together, and the Dark Lord loves me as I love him, and together, all of us in the DEY and all those who believe in our cause, I can see us rallying and I can see the world becoming ours.

The rest of the school, they hate us, the DEY members, they know vaguely who we are, and vaguely our ambitions and they detest it, we make them frightened, we make them ill,

I do not feel insulted or ashamed of this knowledge, only encouraged to carry on with what my heart and mind so emphatically believe in, because I am right and one day they will see how very right I am, and though they say awful things of me now, bitch, cow, slut, all the school looks at me reproaching as though I might attack them, as in many cases, I have in fact done. However, I feel simply misunderstood, a girl who the weak blood traitoring masses can't begin to identify with.

Thank Salazar for the DEY, these people, those who think like me, are my redemption because in them I know I am not alone. In Roddy I know I am not alone.

And they say I have no heart, but they just don't understand the way it beats.

And they say I have no soul, but they don't approve of the path my soul leads me towards

And they say I cannot love, but it is love that fuels me. Love of the dark magic, love of my bright future, love of my heritage, my pride, my friends, my Roddy, and most importantly the love of the Dark Lord and all the values he has taught me to believe in.

Oh I have a heart, and I bleed, and my soul can ache, and my love pulses through my veins, but my purpose is different from the majority of the school, and thus I am labeled a monster. I am no monster, diary, I am a hero, a patron saint of dark magic, and someday soon, this will be clearly evident to those who scorn me, to those who doubt my ability to love.

To love is my life. I am falling for love, allowing this disease to take me where it will, because it is love that has guided me thus far, and I pray love will lead me home.

Love,

Bella


	16. Spiders, slugs, & dizzying drugs

December 18th,

Happy Holidays, diary.

Though I take great pleasure in telling you they are infinitely happier for some than for others.

Operation Devastation, aptly titled by Junior was executed yesterday at the final dinner before the end of term and beginning of the Holiday break. It started off so innocently for most students. They sat at their respective house tables under the enchanted ceiling that swirled with snow on that winter night, bringing a sheet of pure white to cover the dirty grounds. How fitting.

Dolohov, Lucius and I hung back in the entrance hall, hiding behind a suit of armor when Severus approached us, with a small cauldron in his shaking hands as he walked in a jerky fashion, jumping at never sound, his head eyes darting to each shadow and clearing of the entrance hall. Lucius beckoned him closer and he ran as quickly as his spidery legs would carry him without spilling the potion.

"Invisibility draught," He panted, hunching beneath the large armor suit with us, making it very cramped in our little hiding place, "It lasts 30 minutes, so do your job in an expedited fashion, I beg of you. We have rehearsed our locations, and your getaway, so I trust you are all adequately prepared?"

"I've been prepared since I was born, Sev," I replied impatiently, Pulling a small cup from my pocket and reaching forward, dipping it gently into the silver potion, it seemed to be more air than liquid, and it sparkled, reminiscently of snow, as I gathered a cup full, Lucius and Dolohov following my lead.

"She probably was born for this, mad little brat," Lucius smirked at me.

"I'm going to choose to regard that comment as a compliment." I shot him a cool glance, and then downed my potion, waited only several seconds before my body vanished, becoming indistinguishable from the world around me, and soon Dolohov and Lucius joined me in a world where we could not be seen. It was so freeing, an d so strange to feel no fear as we raced along the entrance hall, our footsteps the only sound other than my pounding heart beat, which must have been so viciously loud, it was audible to Lucius and Dolohov who were by my side, or at least the pattering of their shoes on the smooth stone floor told me they were on my either side. Severus walked ahead of us, entering the dinner only minutes late, sliding in besides Roddy and giving him a discrete thumbs up while the rest of the DEY looked around the hall anxiously, knowing we were to be invisible, but none the less searching, they seemed to be barely breathing, not a one of them eating their dinner I observed as I walked briskly, making as little noise as possible though my soft footsteps were certainly unheard in the commotion of our farewell dinner. The Gryffindor table seemed to approach me rather than the other way around as I drew closer, and I knew it was because of my sheer anxiety, and anticipation, but the moment felt like destiny. I felt at home as a hidden enemy prepared to complete a brave mission in the midst of life. My heart seemed to be racing dangerously fast, I could barely make our he Gryffindor faces I knew almost as well as my own, for my eyes were as frantic as my heart, darting from one end of the Great Hall to the other, glancing only momentarily in awe at the beauty of the enchanted ceiling, and the beauty of the seemingly endless snow that fluttered down outside, outside where it was cold and beautiful and pure, and silent.

Inside it was impure, loud, filled with the noises of laughter, silverware colliding with china plates, the swish of pumpkin juice in golden goblets, and then I reached the center of the table, and waited, counted to ten, each number came with a missed heartbeat as my anticipation mounted, and then I waved my invisible wand, with my invisible hand, and the closest side of the Gryffindor table began taking large gulps of dizzying draught. I noticed Andy on the end of the table, closest to the exit display the potion's effects first, her eyes, heavy lidded and dark, a mirror of my own eyes, became clouded, glazed, and then show slid off her chair, apologizing to Ted who she had dragged to the floor with her, and then he too looked dazed, sick, his face growing slightly green. But it was not only them, the first half of the Gryffindor table seemed to be absorbed in dizziness, almost vomiting, trying to stabilize the great hall that must now be swirling and twisting before them. However, the Gryffindors were not alone for long, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws too, become rather ill, entirely dazed. Words like food poisoning began echoing around, the teachers began looking concerned, summoning Madame Pomfry and then, I knew it was time and my invisible hand flicked my invisible wand for a second time.

The spiders were the size of tarantulas as they crawled up from the bottom of the remaining uncharmed goblets. Screams echoed from the ceiling to the stone floor, tears began to flow, the fear was almost tangible, as the Slytherins attempted to keep their faces straight, some choking back laughter, others leering at the hundreds of huge spiders wearily and walking anxiously towards the exit, where the students who were not dizzy raced towards, attempting to carry or drag their dizzied friends. Several people vomited and the screams grew louder as the spiders flashed their pincers and their wide eyes, crawling on the floor, across the table, onto people's laps and hands. I couldn't suppress my laugh, though it went unheard in the commotion, the overwhelming result of operation Devastation. I ran towards the exit, hoping Dolohov and Lucius were also on their way, as the teachers, Dumbledore in the lead managed to vanish the spiders, his eyes looking dangerous, though they were such a pleasant shade of blue.

"No one leaves," He directed, and just as I slipped beyond the boundary of the Great Hall, a large stone wall was erected, from floor to ceiling, sealing all the other students inside. Several students, who had left immediately as I had, looked around, entirely confused, and Madame Pomfry arrived, banging on the stone wall requesting entry and it vanished, just for a moment as the visible students and madame pomfry re entered. And I, fearing Lucius and Dolohov remained inside, invisible, and guilty, could do nothing more than run, run towards the common room, where several people were lounging. I raced to my room, and waited, only five minutes or so, until my body was once again visible. I examined my hands, my robes, my wand, and nearly cried with anxiety and elation, a strange mix of emotions. I walked shakily down the girls stairwell into the dimly lit common room and perched myself besides Carla and Rozelle who were engaged in wizards chest,laughing animatedly about the latest article in Witches Weekly.

"Didn't feel up for the feast either, Bells?" Carla asked, yawning slightly, leaning back into the side of the chair where she rested her back in-between turns , "I'm not hungry and I haven't even lifted my wand to start packing."

"Same here," I feigned a yawn to make my excuse more convincing, "I was just having a nap before I came down, we had so much homework in transfiguration before the break."

"I know, McGonagall is such a cow," Carla sympathized smiling, which I returned immediately, enjoying my secretive reference to transfiguration. Half an hour passed before Slughorn came bounding into the common room, his eyes ablaze with fury.

"Where any of you in attendance at dinner this evening?" He demanded in his booming voice.

"No sir," Murmured the common room in ascension, politely confused and entirely brimming with curiously.

"None of you are aware of the incident, if you can even call it that, perhaps disaster would be a more adequate choice of words?"

"No sir," The common room echoed once more in a chorus of oblivious voices

"Well every house table, with the suspicious exception of Slytherin had their evening drinks transfigured into dizzy draughts or rather large and unsightly, potentially dangerous, spiders. Now if anyone has any information regarding the students responsible for this assault against morality, approach me or Dumbledore at once. In the meantime one of your housemates has been caught in a very peculiar situation and we believe he may be one of the perpetrators. Now have a good evening, and if you hear so much as a whisper of to whom we may give the responsibility to for tonight's mayhem, please alert the administration, my office, as always, is open to my dear Slytherins. Good night."

And with that, the door closed and room burst into excited and nervous speculation.  
"You know something, don't you Bella?" Carla whispered, so softly even Rozelle could not hear over the ever increasing volume of the formerly peaceful common room.

"Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies," I smirked and stood up, my heart hammering, my curiously through the roof. Who had they caught? Who was trapped within the hall still under the invisibility draught? My thoughts raged on, filling me anxiety, what if my name were to be leaked? I felt nauseous and found myself dashing from the common room, towards the Great Hall, and to both my relief and nervous frenzy, I heard the sounds of hundreds of footsteps, the population was allowed the leave. I raced towards the doors, eager to spot any DEY member, anyone at all. It was my great fortune that Roddy saw me immediately, and threw his arms around me in an exhausted sort of embrace; he almost collapsed into my arms, his more muscular frame weighing me down.

"What happened?" I gasped as we parted, looking at his pale, anxious torn expression.

He sighed heavily, grabbing my hand and dragging me quickly along, but not breathing a word. I noticed Severus, Junior, Nott, and Rosier were walking briskly behind us, their faces unreadable even to my trained perception. We walked in agonizing silence until we reached the common room, where we fought amongst the chatter, the excitement and fear, the boisterous ambiance of our classmates. We found a deserted corner where the firelight barely touched our expressionless faces, and I waited, my heart aching more and more with each frantic beat, for someone to speak.

"Where's Lucius?" Roddy asked finally, breaking the painful silence of our group, as we were joined by Mulciber, Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson and the Carrows.

"I have absolutely no idea, Roddy," I replied, shocked to hear he had escaped the Great Hall, "I thought for sure he'd been caught, Slughorn mentioned they'd found a suspect, I assumed-"

"Dolohov was taken away. He seemed to appear under the Slytherin table after a while," Severus sighed, "It was most suspicious, but they can hardly prove a single thing. I don't know, I just don't know what will happen from here. This wasn't just any school prank. It was brilliant, it showed those mudbloods and blood traitors we're not some petty group of dark dreamers. However, there is a counterweight to our success, the potential downfall of Dolohov, and you and Lucius by association, should Dolohov prove traitorous."

"He'd never," Rosier said angrily, "I mean, it was a wonderful success, let us focus on the disaster."

"Allow us to marvel at the beauty of our destruction," I agreed, my eyes almost tearing with the glory of my achievement, of the surge of pride running through me in replace of the former anxiety, we had come through, we had succeeded, and if Dolohov was lost, we must accept that in war there are casualties, a chance that is worth the battle, a chance that is worth the victory.

"It was, without a doubt, the DEY's shining achievement, our proudest moment," Roddy concurred, "We are not merely playing wee pranks, we are not children, we are warriors in training, we are eliciting fear, producing mayhem, chaos, devastation, and horror. This what we wanted. We will be taken seriously henceforth, for this is no joke, this is war and we have chosen our side, and now those who oppose us, those who block our path to destiny will find themselves in less than desirable situations. This is not the work of petty children, this is the work of future Death Eaters, and soon he, our Dark Lord, will hear of us, and then we will be his children not only in faith, but in reality. Congratulations to Bella, the only victor to return thus far, our battle maiden, our solider of purity, you brave talented girl, you have brought us a wonderful gift, the gift of glory for yourself, for the DEY and for the rise of the Dark Lord, and the rise of Dark Magic and the rise of righteousness, of purity and of justice!"

"You have a natural propinquity for hyperbole, Lestrange," Severus scoffed, "But your dramatic monologue was in essence correct… Accio firewhiskey!"

And in an instant a fresh bottle soared from the kitchens below and into Severus's waiting hand.

"A toast does seem in order, mates," Roddy grinned, his monologue complete and his jovial nature resumed.

"Indeed," Severus nodded, popping open the bottle with a tap of his wand, as Rosier summoned us each a glass. Severus poured the hot liquid into each of our outstretched hands, the group of DEY members who had gathered in the wake of our victory in the small dark corner united in glory, united in hope. And we drank, our glasses clinking, sparklingly with their bright contents from the tiny glow of fire that reached our faces

"A toast to the Dark Lord!" I exclaimed, my face unable to suppress a grin as Roddy kissed my flushed cheek.

"A toast to an outstanding bloody victory!" Rosier added

"A toast to the future, to all future glories, all future successes, to our future as Death Eaters!" Severus stated, raising his glass high in the air, tangible with our happiness and our anxiety.

"And a toast to Bella," Roddy beamed, and honored me with another swift kiss, this time landing gentle on my surprised lips, "And to Lucius, and to Dolohov, for they are our heroes this evening,"

"And finally, a toast to the DEY itself," Severus added, "Our uniting force, our path to glory and to our Dark Lord."

"I'll drink to that!" Roddy beamed, taking a hearty gulp from his cup.

"you'll drink to anything," I teased as I too sipped my fire whiskey generously, ignoring the igniting warmth that was not flowing through my veins, slightly calming my senses, and my mind that had been racing for what seemed like hours.

"No argument there, my darling, none at all," He winked before enjoying another swig from his cup,

It was then that Lucius came bounding into the common room, looking frenzied and, his hair tossled and his eyes wild. He practically sprinted towards us, Crabbe eagerly handing Lucius his own fire whiskey which Lucius downed instantly, without flinching, without pause. He wiped his mouth with the edge of his robes and then slumped onto the floor besides Severus.

"Well, mate," Roddy said, clearing his throat and addressing an exhausted Lucius, "Where the bloody hell have you been?"

"I escaped first, I was the first one out the hall once the spiders appeared, and then I ran," He paused to take a deep breath, steadying his shaky speech, "I ran to our DEY dungeon and hid, beneath the desk, I was nearly in tears. I could barely breathe, I was so terrified we'd be caught because I heard the wall go up, and I thought for sure Bella and Dolohov were inside, invisible for the moment, but merely minutes away from capture, and I.. I lost it a bit. I waited for like an hour before returning here, before I dreamed it would be safe. Now I see Bella, but tell me, oh tell me, what happened to Antonin? Where is Dolohov? They have him don't they? He got trapped?"

"Dumbledore took him in for questioning," Roddy informed him somberly, "We don't know if he's in trouble yet, he merely sort of appeared under the table, no one noticed his sudden apparition, but they noticed him clamboring from below the furniture and they speculated he was a part of the mission, which by the way, was a roaring success, with no question, you're all brilliant, we're drinking to victory Lucius, take a breath and relax, we won this battle, it is ours, and it was glorious. Very few things in life, very few moments can be categorized as glorious, but this night was. It will become a legend, an epic story of the power of the DEY and no one will find us delusional children anymore. No, we are now cemented as future Death Eaters, because tonight when beyond a prank, tonight was a scare tactic, tonight was devastating, and tonight was beautiful."

"It was, it was," Lucius nodded looking frazzled, "we did it, we did it beautifully. Do you know what this means? We have shown this extent of devotion to the Dark Lord. I believe operation contact will be more effectual than ever, because with this achievement to our names we can be unknown to the Death Eaters and our Lord no longer. No, we are their youth counterparts, we are the Death Eaters in training, and soon we will have the blessing of the Dark Lord himself, I can feel it, we are headed towards our fate, and it is approaching so quickly."

"I can barely breathe, it feels so surreal, this wonderful victory, I am full of such elation, but I feel so disjointed, overwhelmed, and practically intoxicated."

"Well, you are drinking fire whiskey," Roddy reminded me, chuckling.

"I'm intoxicated off the thrill, I;m addicted to the adventure." I beamed, "I'll never sleep tonight, I keep going over it in my head, their screams of fright, the fainting, the spiders pincers in their smug blood traitoring, dirty blooded faces, I can still hear the shattering of glass, the ringing of frantic screams and the stampede of anxious footsteps towards the exit. It was-"

"Perfect," Roddy finished, an air of smugness evident in his low clear voice.

"Precisely." I shook my head, trying to absorb the moment, the entire evening, to process the extent of our success, but I was too drained.

"Bed, sleep, dreams," Roddy clapped his hands, as if on cue, as if he could glean insight into my tired mind, "We will resume this soon, we will keep in touch over break. A wonderful term with wonderful DEY members, and happy holidays to all. Now go, replay our success until you're as dizzy in the heads as the victims of our dizzying draught, and be happy, be proud. We are the DEY and we will not be defeated, we will not be stopped, and we will not diminish for we are the students of the Dark Lord."

"You're loving your speeches tonight, Roddy," Severus laughed as we disbanded, yawning but wide wake to our respective dorms.

"I'm loving everything about this night, Sev," Roddy laughed as he pulled my arm, bringing me to him and kissing me passionately.

"Get a room," Lucius sighed, disgusted as he began to ascend the stairs to his dormitory.

"We're in a room, Lucius old mate, so why don't you just exit it?" Roddy smirked earning a furious glare from Lucius before he stormed up the stairwell.

"Goodnight Bella, my sweet, my princess, my warrior," Roddy whispered as the rest of the group wandered off, "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied, though my mind was elsewhere, still stuck in replay on the evening's events, "I'll see you in the morning for the train ride to London. Sleep well, my love."

"And you, my beautiful," and with a last kiss, he left, and I walked, in a daze up the stairs, and in a daze fell onto my bed, and remaining dazed I somehow lost myself to sleep.

And now I have 30 minutes to pack and meet the boys for the train ride home.

But I do not feel as if I am going home. Home is in that dirty dungeon class room where they DEY meetings are held. Home is where my heart is, and therefore my home is carried with Roddy and with the most powerful and glorious Dark Lord.

I write of my success today, diary, and I hope this will be a reoccurring motif in my writings.

Happy Holidays for the DEY, happy holidays, indeed.

Love,

Bella

December 19th,

Why are train rides such a poisonous environment? Why do they fire up Gryffindors so very much? Is it their pathetic anxiety that they wont get a chance to reprimand for almost two weeks that forces them to show up at my train compartment uninvited and extraordinarily hostile?

Noble indeed. HA!

Dolohov had returned to his dorm late yesterday night. Without proof they could do no more than suspend him for an extra week, for suspicious and potentially dangerous activities, and thus he will be retuning a week late for term, forced to make up a weeks work of assignments, but otherwise unscathed. Thus, Operation Devastation was entirely a success, a beautiful and brilliant success, one to awe and inspire the masses, and more importantly to frighten their blood traitoring little hearts. There is so much power in destruction, I feel so alive. And though it looks like a mess of cruelty and hatred it is for the greater good, to put muggles, mudbloods, and blood traitors in their deserving place. We are not villains, but the heroes. The history books will define as as such, this I swear to myself, for I know I am right with all the conviction in my heart. I do these things for hate yes, but more than anything, I do it for love. Oh all for love. The disease I have welcomed into my heart, for now I can channel my love into productivity.

But I daresay I digress.

I was in a train compartment with Roddy, Severus, Lucius (though he seemed most reluctant to join Roddy and myself) and Dolohov. Rosier, Nott, and Junior stopped by briefly to wish us a merry Christmas. They lingered for a few moments chatting animatedly of the events of the evening, expressing their pride in the DEY and how excited they were growing for operation contact, which was sure to come into fruition in the near future, it was certain we assured ourselves.

After they departed, I leaned against Roddy's shoulder, comfortably watching the scenery of the mid morning fly by, watching the world appear and blur and disappear before my very eyes, watching how quickly life comes and goes before you can take in the details of the mountains, suddenly youre staring into a vast lake which blurs into a deep forest, and before we can appreciate the forest for the trees, you see a snow covered field, glittering in the winter sun.

"Day dreaming, Bells?" Roddy asked me, noticing my rather taciturn demeanor, which was by all means quite uncharacteristic.

"Just thinking, about life," I shrugged with a giggle, "I know that sounds so strange, but we're in the business of life and death, and I look out this window, seeing the world come and go and pass me by, and I just hope life isn't passing me by too quickly, because things are here and then all too quickly they vanish leaving you with little more than a fading image of the way things were before. Such is the nature of life and humanity, but in this path we've chosen I do believe we will see a lot of life vanishing, a lot of passing moments, I just hope through all the chaos I can glean the beauty out of everything, for it is a beautiful world."

"Did someone curse you with a sentimental charm, you nutter?" Lucius raised his eye brows in quite a rude manner, "You're supposed to be cackling about how Sirius screamed like a little baby when his pumpkin juice suddenly became a spider, or how Andy fainted from the dizzying draught. Since when do you contemplate the complexities and ephemeral nature of life?"

"Since always, I just chose not to share those thoughts with a prat like you," I snapped, tossing my long sheath of hair over my shoulder, and leaning back against Roddy who was chuckling to himself.

"Good luck with her, mate," Lucius addressed Roddy scornfully, "She really wasn't worth all the shagging in the end, she's bloody insane."

"We're all a little insane to be in the DEY, Lucius, and I think I'd suffer through almost anything so long as I continue to shag my Bella."

"Do not speak of me as if I am not sitting right bloody here you gits," I glared at the both of them, "And we're not insane to be in the DEY, we're bloody fucking heroes, we're knights of purity, we'd be insane not to fight for what we believe in."

"I just mean, well, we are risking our lives that does call for a bit of insanity" He explained calmly, stroking my long smooth hair in a soothing manner.

"No, what would be insane is living for nothing when we can die for everything," insisted and bit my tongue before adding "So there!" loudly and obnoxiously.

"That is one way of regarding it, yes," Dolohov nodded, "I too feel a small dose of insanity does us well, adds to our scheming and sometimes reckless bravery, but it would be a great deal more insane not to be the warriors of the Dark Lord, for to ignore what is right, that is true insanity. To deny the Dark Lord, that is treasonous insanity. We might not be fully sane, I doubt we are, but our sanity by far surpasses that of Gryffindors, just as murderous, just as cruel, but they hide behind a façade of rightouesness, courage, loyalty, all the ideals WE hold up in our own right. God they disgust me, they make me physically ill."

"Speak of the Devil," Severus whispered, nodding towards the glass window the compartment where our least favorite impure Gryffindors appeared, leering in, their eyes scornful as they crossed our faces with each wore an identical expression of disgust,

"We know you freaks are behind this," James Potter said loudly, furiously, as he slammed open the compartment door. He was followed by Sirius, Fabian, Gideon, Pettigew, and Lupin. Our compartment was too full, I was nearly suffocated with blood traitors

"We are positive it was you fucking losers, you nutters who cursed the pumpkin juice, you twisted death eaters in the making," Gideon hissed, his eyes catching my own, a look of loathing behind their usual soft nature I had once known.

"You've finally gone too far, you need to fess up, confess, get whats coming to you, get rehabilitated so you can pass as a decent member of the magical community, because as of now, you're looking at a lifetime in Azkaban, you're getting out of control, you need help, mates, you need a lot of bloody help."

"Mudbloods should not speak unless spoken to," Roddy chuckled, sweeping his dark hair from his dark eyes, "And let's be honest, when in the name of sweet Merlin would we speak to a mudblood? Thus one can quite easily conclude Mudbloods should shut their fat mouths."

"So you're the famous Roddy Lestrange, I do not believe we have gotten the chance to know one another properly," Fabian sneered, "You were not present in our term long detentions, therefore I've only heard rumors of you, heresy if you will. I am entirely unsurprised you have managed to clarify every horrid thing I've ever heard in association with your name. No wonder you're dating Bellatrix, the two of you can make evil plans to rule the world inbetween shaggning."

"You are every bit as rude as Bella warned me you were certain to be," Roddy looked jovial, laughing slightly as Fabian grew redder in the face, "No need to get your knickers in a twist, Prewett, you're quite the jumpy little blood traitor, aren't you, you little git? How about you calm down, maybe leave our compartment which you were not invited into to begin with, and scurry along enjoying your last free days before the Dark Lord realizes what a piece of shit you are and has the pleasure of disposing of you and the rest of your family, pathetic excuses for wizards that they are,"

Fabian's wand merely twitched before Roddy silenced, his hand scratching at his throat trying to retrieve his low and mocking voice that had been robbed of him.

"Now, that should shut you up, because one more word of your deranged mouth and I cannot be held responsible for my actions."

Roddy's eyes glinted and he performed the counter curse on himself and then said, loudly, clearly, and slowly, his eyes locked directly to Fabian's, "I can't wait to see you and you're whole family dead. Hit me with the best you've got. No in fact, hit me with the worst you've got. I am impervious to blood traitors and filth, and you, Prewett, are both of those things."

And with those famous last words Fabian was flung upside down desperately grabbing for the ends of his robes and in retaliation, I snapped my wand towards Fabian, and without a second of warning he was upside down as well, screaming in shock and aggravation.

"Very original you little slut!" Fabian shouted down toward me while Lucius reluctantly lowered Roddy who crumpled to the floor.

"Can you just die yet?" I shot back at him, amused and irritated at his very existence, "I hope I get to kill you, I genuinely do."

"You psycho bitch," He sighed, his voice strangely calm while Potter let him down, the group of us all clutching our wands, waiting for that second, that word when the entire compartment would erupt in explosion and hexes and when the smoke would clear we'd assess and fix the damage and as always, plan our revenge.

"I'd rather be a psycho bitch than a piece of garbage like you," I smiled at him, a cruel and cold twisted version of what some might describe as a smile.

"Admit to what you did in the great hall, it must have been you Bella, who else is that-"

"Talented?" I offered, sneering coldly.

"Repulsive," Sirius corrected me, "Though I'm sure you were not acting alone, to Dolohov who is surely one of the attackers, and to all others involved, let me say this- you will pay."

"Even if you're right, which I highly doubt, Black," Lucius snickered, his eyes so cold, gray like a winter sky threatening snow, "We all have more than enough gold to cover any damages, though the same cannot be said for all you Gryffindor scum that stands before us. You'll be cleaning our cauldrons one day, sweeping our manors, that is of course, assuming my some miracle of Merlin you remain alive once the Dark Lord grows stronger-"

"Voldemort will be destroyed by the order of the phoenix at which time we will be the ones sentencing you all to a life in Azkaban!" Potter spat, slamming his foot against the ground in a fashion that reminded me of a frustrated toddler, and I wouldn't help but laugh

"You laugh at that Bella?" Sirius frowned harshly, his features growing dark, "You laugh at your fate? Your miserable fate in the closest version to hell as we can create!"

"No," I chuckled, still unable to suppress my laughter, "I'm laughing at how WRONG you are! I'm laughing at your insanity, at your delusions. You're so convinced that you're right when you couldn't be more wrong. You all embody everything that is flawed with the wizarding world, you are what we will eradicate under the service of the Dark Lord, and if you DARE speak his name with your poison unworthy tongues, I will make you suffer."

"VOLDEMORT!" each and every one of the Gryffindors cried at once, and that is when the chaos ensued.

When the flashes and screams and hexes faded into pants and clearing smoke, I found myself laughing once more, for I had hexed Fabian into vomiting slugs, Sirius was in a full body bind, James was tap dancing uncontrollably, Ted was confounded and Pettigrew was crying in the corner while Lucius frantically attempted to tend to his friends. Fabian, through spitting up his slugs turned me, before I had begun to survey the damage they had caused on my DEY mates, I was only relieved to find myself unscathed, but he turned to me, wand in hand and suddenly as he flicked it, it felt as though and invisible hand was choking me, and I could not longer breath, I began coughing and sputtinger and trying to scream which came out only as a meek and fearful whimper. In this time, I collapsed on the compartment floor, my vision fading, Fabian approached me, and kicked me in the head, hard.

It all went black for a moment, before the invisible hand released its cruel hold. Fabian grabbed my hair, lifting my shaking body upward, and he vomited his slugs all over my face and chest.

"That's what you deserve, insult to injury for a death eater BITCH," He said before unleashing a fresh wave of slugs on top of the hold.

Then before I could control myself, before I even knew what I was doing, I lunged towards him, knocking him to the ground with strength I didn't know I possessed, pointed my wand straight inbetween his eyes, and I heard my voice, as though from far away, from above the scene of destruction, I heard my voice scream, 'CRUCIO!"

And he screamed louder than I had even imagined, flailing uncontrollable, clawing his white skin drawing blood as the pain seemed to overtake him, and I smirked, lowering my wand.

The compartment was dead silent except for Fabian's panting and burps of slugs. He shook on the ground, and we faced one another, my slug covered robes and façade matched his own and the tears in his eyes for his lightning bolt of unforgivable pain (pardon the pun), and in our moment of eye contact I could not envision a moment more heavily etched with hatred. It was tangible, it was heavy, it was suffocating.

Gideon and Ted each grabbed one of Fabians arms and brought him shakily to his feet, his knees almost buckling as slugs spewed from his mouth once more, down his front and sullying the compartment floor.

"We're alerting the authorities about this, Bellatrix," Gideon said coldly, his hatred almost as pronounced as Fabian's, "You'll be expelled you will, you awful cow. You performed an unforgivable curse, you're going to Azkaban now, or at least facing expulsion, good job ruining your life you whore, I couldn't be happier than to be the one to bring you down."

"No," Fabian breathed between slug outbursts, "No, we're not telling a soul,"

"Mate," Ted said tentatively to his friend whom he helped support on his shaky legs, "You can't this psycho expelled with this sort of claim, she performed-"

"Yes, I know what she did, oh I know," Fabian nodded, "But I will not run to some teacher, I will take that cowardly course of action. I have many plans to ruin her life, and I will do it myself, not Dumbledore. This is not how this ends. No one will breathe a word of this to a single soul, I will not be humiliated by the knowledge that this cow crucio'd me, I will not suffer that sort of reputation, I will not concede any sort of defeat to this bitch. She will not be expelled, she will be killed or dragged to Azkaban by her hair or huge tits, and she will rot here, or in hell, until she loses whatever semblance of sanity her twisted little mind still retains."

"Bitter about losing, bitch?" I snickered, "Wands and stones can break my bones, but words- they can never hurt me. I do not absorb a word of criticism from scum, and your idle threats are about as scary as a first year hufflepuff. So go ahead, take your resentment, and your new founded failure and go stew and brood about how best to get back at me, but you fool, you cannot touch me. I will destroy you again and again dare you actually prove stupid enough to try again and again. When you die at my hands, after Hogwarts when claim our places as Death eaters and you claim your place among the failures of the phoenix, you can remember all these pathetic threats you made to me, all these entirely empty words."

"Death at your hands?" Fabian spat, "I don't doubt you have the mentality of a murder, but not the capabilities of defeating a wizard such as I, youre failure will be my greatest success."

"Big words for a little boy, Prewett," Rpddy stepped in, pulling me to his side protectively, "Now get the fuck out of here, take that trash you drag along with you and call your friends with you."

"Yes, let's leave," Ted sighed, looking anxious and exhausted, he and Gideon pulling a reluctant Fabian with them. Pettigrew, Lupin, and Potter followed without a second glance, but Sirius hung for one moment, his face somber,

"You've gone too far, Bella," He said his voice low, without hope, without anger, an empty shell of a voice, "You're the definition of a lost cause, and I always knew trouble would find you, you had a knack for attracting it since you were able to talk, but I could never dream you'd become an aspiring murderer, a girl who would use an unforgivable curse, a girl who would lose any sense of morals and values for a life a hatred."

"You're so astray," I laughed, "Dear, lost, confused, and foolish cousin, you do not understand a single thing which isn't spelled out for you. Everything I do, I do for love, Sirius."

"You don't know what love is, no Death Eater could know what love is," He sneered coldly, "You are fueled by hatred, a hatred that extends far behind anything I could comprehend, and you're meddling with Snivellus, an actual loser all entranced in the dark arts because no one else will accept him. And then we can't forgive Dolohov and ugly son of a house elf with pimples as big as his unreasonable ego. But let us not forget your ex, darling Malfoy, a cunt so arrogant he believes himself impervious to life, which will of course lead to such a delightful downfall in the years to come. And last, and probably least, your newest boyfriend, Roddy Lestrange, and though I've barely spoken to this repulsive purity obsessed prat, I can already tell you that his undeniable insanity must be matched only by your own and I find him to be the PERFECT future Death Eater. He is the perfect candidate to die in the name of hatred, because what else is a man like that good for? Nothing except a disposable solider in a crusade for evil. So merry fucking Christmas to you all. And fuck off."

"Go fall off a broomstick over an ice cold ocean," I smiled sweetly.

"Go choke on a vomit flavored one of Bertie Bott's beans," He snapped, slamming the door behind him and storming away after his friends. The compartment was covered in slugs and slime and shattered glass from the compartment door, which Merlin knows when that actually was broken, but there we were in the ruins of another battle. Severus's ears had been cursed very, very large which only know was Dolohov correcting this rather amusing atrocity. Lucius was mending cuts he had received up and down his right arm, while Roddy had his eye brows removed by some sort of immature hex that he corrected himself with an amused sort of sigh.

"That was a fun way to start the holidays, eh mates?" Roddy laughed, his voice remaining chipper, "I'd like to say that was another check for the victory column. Congrats Bella my love, we of course not only forgive your unforgivable curse but applaud it, my, my what a talented witch."

"If anyone deserved that hex it was certainly Fabian Prewett." Lucius nodded, sneering at the very name of our enemy.

"He's responsible for the cuts?' I inquired, knowingly.

"Indeed," Lucius frowned, regarding his newly healed skin, though small scars lingered while he cleaned the blood from his robes and the floor as Roddy vanished the slug remnants, including those that had been vomited so crudely onto me.

"Fabian is foul," Severus nodded, "Let's do something to target him again, I was revenge, I want this arrogant blood traitor brought down to his level, I want him to suffer."

"Ah, don't we all, Sevvy?" Roddy mused, a smile still lingering on his handsome red lips, "I assume that is Bella's top priority, they have a very special relationship, an unusually charged vendetta."

"No arguments there, Roddy," I tucked my hair behind my ears and fell back into the cushy train seats, the events of the battle, of the previous evening racing through my mind, "We're winning, we're getting to them. I used an unforgivable curse, of course not to its full potential, but it was effective, was it not? I can't keep all my thoughts straight, im just so furious, and so bursting with adrenaline. Its not over, its not nearly over."

"Patience is a virtue, Bells," Roddy reminded me, winking.

"I don't much care for virtues, Roddy," I replied grinning, "What I care for Is action."

"But action without planning is simply reckless," Lucius snapped impatiently.

"And planning with acting is simply useless," I added smugly.

"Well then, we shall combine planning and action and make this holiday productive," Roddy proposed, grinning, "Let us relax and rejoice, tis the season to be jolly, and jolly we shall be for we are the powerful, the rich, the ambitious, and the entitled. Let it be known, we are heroes, we should take the rest of this train ride to reflect on our victories not on any perceived failures, and let us reminisce on the glory of yesterday, not on the worries of tomorrow. Chin up, my DEY friends, my talented future Death Eaters, we have the brightest futures in the darkest arts."

"I suppose," I conceded, still seething slightly as I rested my head against his comfortable shoulder.

"if my speech was not as convincing as I believe it should have been, I also have some fire whiskey on me, and if that doesn't brighten the mood, I don't know what will."

"Pour it out, Lestrange," Dolohov chuckled, "Now we're talking!"

And Roddy waved his wand, appearing before us in his lap was a bottle and glass for each of us that he poured generously, "Now let us drink to the DEY and drink to today, because we must not fret with what has not happened and we must not question battles we have already won. All we have is this moment and in this moment we have victory."

"Bottoms up," Severus said with a cringe as the liquid burned down his throat, "Let's drink to us."

"I'll drink to that," Roddy was beaming, this becoming his catch phrase, and I couldn't help but smile at him, my affection and love warming me quite as quickly as the alcohol.

"You'll drink to anything," Severus reminded him, his thin lips smirking on his sallow face that was half covered by a sheet of greasy black hair.

"It has been quite a term," Roddy said thoughtfully, yawning inbetween sips of firewhiskey as the countryside and time flew by.

"You can say that again," Dolohov sighed, looking comfortable with his glass as he sank deeper into the cushions of the train seats.

"It has been quite the term-"

"Yes Roddy, that was just a saying," Lucius rolled his eyes, "That's just a saying, we were not requesting and actual repetition of your already cliché observation."

"Malfoy, I know we're all supposedly evil ill tempered cunts, but you really do take the cauldron cake," Roddy laughed, "I don't even mean it as an insult, but just be a nice guy every now and again, it doesn't hurt, I swear."

"What do you know about 'nice'?" Lucius sneered in fury, "You're a future Death Eater as I am, you're all mixed up in the dark arts, you hex as many un expecting first years in the halls as you can possibly aim your stubby wand at, and you stole your best friend's bird. I mean, really? We're all cold hearted bastards, we're all out to reinvent the wizarding world through whatever means necessary, but to steal your friends girlfriend?"

"You dumped me, you idiot!" I shouted, kicking him from across the seat angrily, "YOU dumped ME! Don't accuse Roddy of anything. You made a stupid assumption that I, the most insist advocate against blood traitors, cheated on you with Fabian Prewett and ditched me broken hearted on that bloody cold quiddich field while you rode around on your broomstick, that should have been shoved up your stubborn ARSE. Now you stop harboring this foolish resentment of Roddy and I, because guess what you git- We're on the same side. Now accept us as your comrades in arms and forgive us for whatever vendetta is turning you against your own supporters! You idiot, Merlin, just get over yourself, we were never in love, you said it yourself."

"No," He said, his voice soft and deadly, "I said YOU never loved ME,"

"Lucius, mate, it was nothing I intended, I never meant-" Roddy looked uncomfortable as he stumbled in search for the right words, "We cannot fight amongst ourselves, we must be united.

"I'm aware, I am mature enough to be your friend and her associate despite recent events, but you must understand my lingering resentment," Lucius said curtly, concealing any emotion he may have been feeling.

"Well, that's fine, and in time-"

"in time all shall be as It was, and remember I was always a bit aloof, Roddy, this isn't a new quality, I was never the charming sort. Did I ever act like a bloody Hufflepuff?"

"Nah," Roddy chuckled good naturedly, "You were always a prat and I admired you anyway."

"Delightful," Lucius said dismissively, "Now I propose a toast in peace and in friendship. Let's drink to us, the five members in this compartment, let's drink to comraderie."

"I'll drink to that!"Roddy beamed as he gulped the last of his cup, "And yes, don't bother adding in your witty overused reply; I will drink to anything."

I finished by firewhiskey quickly with that final toast and found myself growing sleepy, fading in and out of consciousness for the remainder of the journey on Roddy's shoulder as the train bounded along, over the world, passing it by while we plunged forward into our future, ever towards our destiny.

I am home now, waiting for mother to call Cissy and I for dinner. I sit in her room with her, scribbling today's events away with my quill and ink and wondering what Roddy is doing at this very moment, is he eating, dreaming, playing chess, discussing the dark Lord with his brother? Is he perhaps writing me an owl?

And then my mind wanders again, for it has such a short attention span sometimes. And I wonder where the Dark Lord is, what he is doing, murder, torture, adventure, all in the name of purity. And I can't wait to make his acquaintance, to become a part of his movement to fight for purity and love and all that needs to be corrected. We are revolutionaries you see, and we will fight for what we believe in, we will achieve our glory and nothing and no one will stop me.

Cissy is content reading some romance novel and I know her young predicable brain is thinking only Lucius, and I smile at her. I do love her, diary, my lovely little sister, the one who did not forsake her name and family for trash. I wish she was older, stronger, more like myself, but I wish everyone was more like myself, how much better the world would be if everyone had a little Bellatrix within them.

That thought may horrify others. But it makes me laugh, which elicits curious glances from Cissy, and the question "what is so funny?"

And I stare up at her, with my heavy lidded eyes and my long hair cascading down my back and I clear my throat as my laughter subsides and I say, gently, "Its funny that I think the world would be a better place if everyone was a little more like me. And its funny because, I doubt I could find a single person outside the DEY who would concur."

"Besides me, who else outside of the DEY matters?" Cissy countered, smiling from her bed where she lay with her romance novel.

"Touche, young one," I grinned and now I shall retire you for tonight. I am exhausted, hungry and desire a chance to except these memories and thoughts, for they are so heavy, so overwhelming,

For years my life was in slow motion.

And now it seems it is playing in fast forward.

Will It ever follow at normal speed? I'm either bored, or unable to catch my breath.

If this is my fate, than I accept it with open arms. Destiny, I ask you only this- lead me to the Dark Lord, lead me to my hero and my war, so I can fight and I can succeed. Give me glory or give me death, martyr me or let me be a warrior.

I embrace life and death all in the name of the Dark Lord, all in the name of justice, purity and love, these are the reasons I live and these are the reasons I am willing and ready to die for.

Love, Bella.

Author's notes: I do apologize for the rather lengthy delay. I am now inspired once more and committed to finishing this story, and I am very excited about the follow chapters and I hope you all will be as well.

If you read, please review, it means a lot.

I hope you enjoy, I reallllly do

Next Chapter: Christmas eve, the DEY goes to Hosgmeade…. Hmm wonder what could happen there? =] well, I already know, but hopefully my readers are wondering. I'll update soon, I'm on break from school and have the time to dedicate to my story. Pls enjoy.

xo


	17. A duel with the Order of the Pigeons

December 25th

Merry Christmas, diary.

I have just awoken, early on this snowy Christmas morning and the house is quiet, silent as the snow fluttering, dancing by the glass outside my window. And therefore I have time to articulate the events of the previous evening before the traditional present opening commences.

You see Roddy, Lucius, Severus, Dolohov , and I ventured Hosgmeade for Christmas eve to purchase last minute gifts and enjoy some firewhiskey at the Hogs Head. We used the flu network from our respective manors and arrived at The Three Broomsticks around 4pm. The dark gray sky threatened snow, though the world was already covered in glittering white from the cobble stone Hogsmeade streets to the mountaintops and lakes surrounding Hogwarts. We strolled around the town, recognizing several fellow sixth and seventh year students all with bags brimming with zonkos tricks and honeydukes treats.

I pulled my purple silk scarf tightly around my neck, shivering in the December air was we exited Zonkos, Severus and Roddy with more items than they could carry.

"Are any of those items gifts?" Dolohov questioned, raising his eye brows.

"Absolutely mate!" Roddy exclaimed, chucking, "They are all gifts, to Roddy, from Roddy. Merlin, I'm a generous man."

"Aye, generous indeed," Severus laughed, "I bought Severus Snape all of these new presents, I'm as generous as you."

"That would be Slytherin generousity," Lucius snickered, "No disrespect to the only house that has my respect, of course."

"How can you not respect the huffley puffys. Mate?" Roddy teased, swinging his large Zonkos bag as I begin to shiver slightly under my winter coat and heavy robes.

"I refuse to dignify that with an answer, Rod," Lucius couldn't help but smile as he shook his head in distaste, "And don't even ask about the Gryffindors, for the love of Salazar."

"Wasn't going to go there," Roddy snorted, "They're not even worthy of joking about, lot of nutters. What kind of people sign their own death certificates? I mean, crass, classless, repulsive, foul, filthy, all of these traits we associate with that house for they cannot help their pitiful nature, but to be recklessly moronic as well? How are you even related to Sirius, Bella? He's the antithesis of everything we stand for, everything YOU stand for, my love."

"I spent years asking myself that inane question only to find that there is no answer, Roddy," I sighed, my eyes glaring menacingly at the street before me at the mere thought of my treasonous cousin, "His disgrace is indescribable, his mere existence sickens me, never mind the fact we share the same blood. God, what a waste of pure blood. He'd be better off living in muggle squalor than infecting our society."

"Concurred entirely!" Severus nodded, his nose and cheeks flushed in the cold air as we walked purposefully towards the Hogs Head, "Sirius, Potter, Prewett, Lupin, Pettigrew, Tonks-"

"Look, if you're going to list every horrible excuse for a wizard we know, its going to be a very long walk, Sev," Lucius informed him, sniggering, "Let us not waste precious breathe on these foul Gryffindor scumbags, and focus on happier things, tomorrow is Christmas after all, I have gifts for you, each of you,"

"Gifts?" I beamed, 'Now we're talking."

"Don't get too excited, whore," Lucius said, his voice teasing, "Its not jewelry this year, you have some new fool to pamper your insatiable need for grandeur. This year, its something for every member of the DEY."

"You bought over 20 gifts for the entire group?" Dolohov laughed, "That's commitment, my boy."

"Indeed," Lucius shrugged, "And our ranks have grown to 28 with the addition of Parkinson, and those three second years whose names were not nearly important enough for me to attempt to retain."

"Beautiful, we're our own little army," Dolohov looked pleased as we finally reached the rough wooden door of the bar, and escape the angry winter's wind. The bartender didn't even look up as we strode in, took one of the empty table while some hags chatted loudly in the corner, downing an unpleasant drink the color of smog.

"Little?" Roddy repeated thoughtfully, "I'd say as far as student underground armies are concerned, we're a rather medium size."

"I can second that," Dolohov shrugged as Severus left to fetch drinks, "I assume you'll drink to that, will you Roddy old pal?"

"Ah we all know he'll drink to anything," Lucius smirked, "Our lovely alcoholic friend."

"Alcoholic?" Roddy laughed, "Hardly. My only addiction is power, Lucius, the same as yours. Now let's have our bloody gifts, I'm an impatient and greedy man."

"No wonder you're so perfect for Bella," Severus joked, returning with a dirty mug of fire whiskey for each of us, and added in an undertone "Now take these you little Death Eaters and let's drink to the health and success of the Dark Lord."

"Now THAT," Lucius grinned, "Is something we can all drink to."

And drink we did, a large sip from all 5 of us, followed my a series of uncomfortable hiccups from Severus.

"Light weight!" I hissed, sticking out my tongue, "I can handle my drink better than you, and I am but a tiny girl!"

"The alcohol is absorbed by that empty cavity where your heart is supposed to be," Severus shot back before hiccupping again, earning laughs from the others.

"I should curse you for that," I snapped, fighting back a smile, "But its Christmas, so consider my gift to you, you bloody slime ball, is that I let that go. Now that is generosity that is the true spirit of Christmas."

"Nah," Roddy chuckled, "That's just called not being a bitch, and taking a joke, but we appreciate the lack of dueling over drinks, you might spill my fire whiskey, you see."

"You're a prat!" I said in mock outrage, and nudged him playfully, 'And you will regret that later, if you know what I mea-"

"Gross," Lucius sneered, "Now, shut up and take your bloody presents," He said and reached into his pocket, retrieving three small black velvet bags, "Within each bag is vanishing powder, it makes the room grow black, allowing for a quick escape. It's a rarity, no one can mass produce it yet, but they had a decent stock at Borgin and Burkes. So my gift to the entire DEY is one free pass for any errors or any potential disasters. Because you're all reckless, clumsy gits, I have purchased you a way to evade capture should you be foolhardy in any future task involving our organization."

"Wow Lucius, this is so very heartfelt," Roddy laughed, accepting his velvet bag, "Very kind of you, and very refreshing to hear you think we all have the recklessness of a Gryffindor and the intelligence of a Hufflepuff."

"No criticizing my gift to you when you have nothing for me," Lucius said smugly, "Now takes them you lot of dimwits, I'm sure they'll come in handy."

"Despite the rude manner in which this was presented, I appreciate the present, Lucius," I said curtly, pocketing my bag of powder and returning to my beverage that warmed my entire body, as though the drink itself were comprised of fire.

"Its starting to snow," Dolohov noted after a moment where we all became involved in our drinks, nodding towards the dirty corner window we were seated by. And indeed, small flakes twirled slowly to the already icy ground below.

"It's lovely," I commented, grinning at each snow flake's descent to snow covered earth, "Its pure, pure like us."

"Until it hits the ground and gets stepped on," Severus reminded me, amused.

"Then its sullied," I conceded, frowning, "Like Sirius. But regardless, before it reaches land its untouched, its so lovely, look, we have a white Christmas!"

"A white Christmas at the Black family, how delightfully ironic," Lucius smirked, "Now drink up, Bella, you're behind, even Severus is almost finished."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I shot him a harsh glare, though only after taking a hearty sip from my half ful mug.

"Nah, but I am," Roddy winked, "Shall I get everyone a second round in celebration of this joyous holiday?"

"Please," Lucius nodded, downing the last drops of his first drink.

"Trying to get drunk, buddy?" Dolohov asked, noticing Lucius's adamant drinking

"Trying to celebrate, Antonin," Lucius corrected him, "If becoming intoxicated is a part of celebration, then so be it. We have earned a night of irresponsibility; we have earned a night of excess."

"Finally. Lucius Malfory speaks some bloody sense!" Roddy applauded as he returned with our second round. And soon, very soon, we had dissolved into inebriation. How beautiful life is, even when its out focus after three firewhiskeys.

"I feel like flying, anyone got a broom?" Lucius asked drunkenly after his fourth dirty fire whiskey filled mug.

"Yeah, I brought one with me for Christmas shopping," Roddy laughed sarcastically, 'Besides, youre drunken ass would fall straight into the snow if you tried to fly right now."

"or he'd freeze to death in this blizzard!" Dolohov noted, nodding towards the window, quickly filling up with snow.

"So you fancy some death, Lucius?" I jeered, giggling, "Are you a Gryffindor now or something?"

"Never breathe and insult like that again, Bella, or ill pour my fire whiskey on your pretty hair."

"And then she'll probably kill you," Roddy chuckled, putting his arm across my shoulders protectively, "You must have a death witch. Who are you, Lucius Potter?"

"Oh that's it!" Lucius laughed, and poured his remaining fire whiskey on Roddy's head.

Laughing, Roddy returned the favor, prouding the last few sips onto Lucius blonde hair.

"You're acting like children!" I shouted, trying to avoid residual splatter of the alcohol.

"I know, and its extremely fun," Roddy kissed me, he tasted the the whiskey coursing through my veins. When we broke apart I felt light, and couldn't help but grin at him, simply grin into the eyes of my beloved.

"You see that smile there, Bella?" Roddy returned the smile, "That's bloody beautiful. Prettier than that insistant pout you usually wear. Not that it isn't all gorgeous, you are bloody gorgeous."

"And you have huge tits," Lucius snickered.

"Thank you, I think," I laughed awkwardly, "I feel silly,"

"We're all silly tonight, its Christmas eve!" Dolohov said encouragingly, "Now who's up for one more round?"

"Not me, I'm up for 3 more!" Roddy said in a loud drunken voice, "But hell, I'll take one more!"

"Merlin, why is whiskey so good?" Severus mused, hiccupping again.

"Because its dangerous?" I offered, smiling wickedly.

"You would say that," Severus laughed, "But that is rather astute of you. We do love a bit of danger, do we not?"

"Why stop at a bit?" Roddy demanded, licking his lips which were tinged with fire whiskey.

"We don't stop anywhere," I said in a low voice, inaudible to the other patrons, "Why draw the line? Why make rules? Lines are meant to be crossed, rules are meant to be broken!"

"And fire whiskey is meant to be drank!" Severus finished for me, smiling, his normally dull face seemed to have a certain glow to it that evening, but that may have been the fire whiskey talking.

Just as Dolohov had returned to the table with a fresh batch of dirty drinks, the door to the bar was flung ajar to reveal my least favorite people.

"Oh what do we have here?" Fabian drawled as he sauntered inside, his cloak and hair covered in snow, his eyes narrowed into furious slits.

"Four future Death Eaters and a whore?" Gideon offered, coldly, his expression matching his younger brothers. The two Prewetts were accompanied by none other than Sirius, Pettigrew, Lupin, Tonks, and another lad I didn't recognize. I gave them all a look of pure loathing as the group of them had the nerve to approach us.

"Are you looking for trouble, slime balls?" Roddy demanded to the group that far outnumbered our own.

"We're looking for JUSTICE," Fabian sneered, his breath thick with alcohol.

"Well, we were looking for more whiskey," Tonks corrected him, looking rather nervous as the tension mounted,

"But now we've found something more fun, a group of dark magic loving freaks alone in a dark corner of a bar, even more wasted than we are," Fabian's eyes had a hungry glow about them, "And we do believe that these are the freaks responsible for the chaos in the Great Hall before break? And we do believe they are the monsters responsible for tormenting Molly? And we do believe they have the indecency to aspire to be DEATH EATERS?"

"Calm down, mate," Lupin hissed, "We don't need to make a scene, ignore them, let them not ruin of Christmas eve. I want something to drink, let's leave them to themselves."

"Yeah, fuck off," Severus scowled,

"You know what?" Fabian pressed, "I don't think we will."

"They caused that uproar, those spiders, the dizzying draught, they're going to keep doing worse if we let them," Sirius whispered to Lupin and Tonks, "We have to fight back. Christmas eve or not, we aren't in school, we out number them, this is our chance."

"Your chance?" I repeated coldly, "Your chance for what, former cousin, current blood traitor?"

"As Fabian said," Sirius looked somber as he spoke, "Justice,"

"Let's take this outside," Potter said harshly, nodding towards the door.

"You're off your bloody broomstick, Potter," Lucius sneered, "We're having drinks together, without the company of Gryffindor scum. Get out of our faces; we don't want your dirty blood near us."

"You've been messing with the students of Hogwarts for too long, you're becoming infamous, you and your pathetic group," Sirius went on, "that stupid fucking 'DEY' is becoming some sick sort of powerful in Hogwarts and we wont stand by and let it happen."

"Did you create your own secret group after the order of the phoenix?" I giggled, tossing back my long hair so it whipped Fabian in the face, "What did you fashion yourselfs? The order of the pigeon?"

"The order of the dead pigeons?" Severus added, laughing loudly.

"Watch what you say, Snivellus," Sirius spat, waving his wand threateningly.

"You can't use magic out of school, dung breath," Dolohhov reminded him smirking, "But Lucius can."

"As can I," Gideon reminded them abruptly, "So, I say- let us duel."

"I will not waste my time on you, Prewett, you'll be dead like your father in a couple years anyway," Lucius drawled bitterly, "Now I don't know if you're getting the hint, but we want you to fuck off,"

"Yeah, we heard you loud and clear, Malfoy," Gideon said dismissively, "Now get your pale ass outside and duel me, let's settle this like men, and not sniveling cowards."

"You know what?" Lucius downed his entire fire whiskey, "You want to duel me? You want to lose? Let's go, Prewett, let's see what the pathetic pigeons have got."

"We don't have a group called the order of the pigeons," Ted sighed, impatiently, "And both you, stop it, stay inside, there is no bloody need for this!"

"Yes there is, Ted!" Sirius insisted, "They wont stop their conniving DEY plans until someone stop them, we have to do something, we cant stand by while they take over our school, frightening everyone into letting them get away with insane schemes like the shit they pulled in the Great Hall. We are defending Hogwarts from these monsters, Ted, we have to do this."

"Now or never," Gideon nodded and headed towards the door. Lucius followed and with one last gulp of whiskey, I followed, hand in hand with Roddy while Severus and Dolohov reluctantly rose from their seats and joined us, and with the Gryffindors beside us, we went out into the freezing blizzard, bitter winds, and heavy snow clouded the deserted streets of Hogsmeade.

Gideon and Lucius approached one another, and bowed, the wind and snow already building on their heads and cloaks already, and maybe it was the alcohol or perhaps it was the snow, but I was extremely dizzy watching the two boys back away, their wands raised high above their heads, the snow swirling around them,

"This isn't necessary," Ted sighed heavily, his voice almost lost in the wind.

"For once, Tonks, you and I are in fully accordance," I whispered to him, feeling the cold on my face as I tried to huddle closely to Roddy who held me, his eyes looked like stone, fixated on Lucius, and then in the midst of what should have been a beautiful Christmas eve, the duel commenced.

The flash of spells, the shouts of hexes drowned out the sound of the winter storm and soon, Lucius was turned the color of pink and Gideon's clothing was removed so he battled in blizzard in nothing more but his boxer trunks and snow boots.

But then, this happened so quickly, and it must have been the alcohol that had slowled Lucius's reactions, but ht was hit with the stunning spell, and without warning Gideon turned his wand on Roddy, Severus, Dolohov, and I, his eyes ablaze

"We can't fight back, Gideon!" Dolohov protested, his voice portraying his prevalent anxiety.

"This isn't very fucking noble, Prewett!" Roddy's usual jovial manner was replaced with hardened coldness, anger, and something akin to fear, "Put your bloody wand away, if you're Gryffindor you wouldn't attack those who can't defend themselves legally, you bloody jumped up prat!"

"Listen, scum," Gideon began cruelly, "You attack those who can't fight back, its people like you who killed my father. You people, you exact sick people tormented my baby sister, this stupid slut pretended to like me to get back at Fabian for being rude, and you nutters caused fear and chaos in the great hall. You want to join the ranks of you-know-who. You're the epitome of ignoble, and what I am about to do, is entirely in the name of nobility, I am doing this for the right reasons, because you must be stopped!"

"You're no solider, no crusader of justice, you're a fucking IDIOT!" I screamed through the window and snow, "You're the epitome of everything that needs to be eradicated from the wizarding world, you're reckless, stupid, out of your tiny Gryffindor mind, you're a hypocrite, you're a blood traitor, and you're an awful kisser!"

And it was then, I heard my friends snickering at my comments, and Gryffindors growl with some intent sort of fury, and then it all went black. From the world covered in white, to everything black, as though the world was shut off.

When I awoke, I my hands and legs were bound by thick rope, as I laid on hard, cold rocks within the shelter of some sort of dark cave, surrounded by Gryffindors. Beside me lay Roddy, Lucius, Severus, and Dolohov, all glaring furiously at the boys surrounding us.

"Isn't this funny?" Fabian mused, "It seems the oh so powerful Death Eater Youth's leaders are at our mercy. You are tied up and rendered entirely helpless at our feet in one of the caves at the ends of the streets of Hogsmeade. We could kill you here if we wanted, we could leave you to die."

"You won't do that," Roddy yawned widely before speaking, and I noticed he sounded almost bored, "You'd go straight to Azkaban and disgrace your beloved Gryffindor house, and your family, and forsake your future, and blah blah blah. You cannot cause us any harm without consequence because under law we are children, and we are not at your bloody mercy, we are merely waiting for you to exert whatever limited force you can by law and then release us so we can all have a nice Christmas, one that doesn't involve one's enemies. So stop pretending like you're an auror and we're actual Death Eaters, because we're all students and you are bound by law, obligation, and morality to let us go free and relatively unharmed."

"He's right, Fabian, this has gone on too long," Tonks implored, "Gideon, you attacked underage students who couldn't fight back, we cannot fight evil with evil, we cannot beat them by becoming them."

"Preach, preach, preach," Fabian sighed, "They're terrorists and here is our chance to do something."

"Well, do it quick, I'm sleepy, and I'm getting ill from all the blood traitors in the room, you smell like treason," I snapped, struggling slightly against my unmovable binds.

"Do it quick?" Fabian repeated, amused, "is that was she says to you, mate?"

He kicked Roddy in the head, who merely rolled his eyes, his dignity so strong he did not even flinch in pain, "Don't speak that way about my girlfriend."

"Oh please," It was Sirius who spoke this time, 'I don't like hearing that sort of thing about my cousin anymore than you like hearing it, but we both know she can stick up for herself, she's more than capable of that much."

"Unless she is attacked without cause, when she cannot use her wand and is then tied up in some dark weird cave by a bunch of psycho blood traitors," Roddy sneered, "Now what is it that you want from us, you foul excuses for wizards?"

"Tell us what the purpose of the Death Eater Youth is, exactly," Sirius demanded, walking around us in a circle, his cloak swishing over our faces, dripping snow onto us.

"Isn't that obvious?" Roddy challenged bitterly, 'You cannot be stupid enough to be ignorant of our objectives, I mean you know the title of our organization, figure it out on your own, you thick headed gits."

"Death, Eater, Youth," Severus pronounced each word slowly, "You know the name, now just take a wild guess at what we're up to?"

"Don't be cheeky," Potter walked forward and stepped on Severus's face, crushing his nose, "Now Snivellus, tell us your specific objectives,

"James, fix his nose," Lupin sighed, watrching the blood pour from his face.

"You do it, I can't be bothered," James shrugged while Lupin fixed Severus's newly broken nose, the blood beginning to dry on his sallow face, "Now Snivelly, what are you specific objectives? Or any of you, this is an open question, tell me your specific plans!"

"Why the fuck would we do that?" Roddy furrowed his brows, not even in anger, but simple confusion.

"Because we have you tied up at our feet!" Fabian insisted, stomping his foot on the cave's floor, "Now answer!"

"We may not be being very persuasive," The boy whose name I did not know spoke up, "They really have no motivation to answer right now, they are right of course, we have to let them go without any sort of major injury."

"Who are you?" Lucius spoke out, staring at the unknown boy, "We haven't met you yet, and we do delight in meeting new blood traitors. Or mudbloods. Which breed of filth are you?"

"My name is Longbottom," He said curtly, "And I'm a pureblood, not that my heritage is any of your business, Malfoy. Yes, everyone knows all you, they know you as the lunatics who want to be Death Eaters. They know you as the cruelest students of magic at Hogwarts. They know you as dirt."

"Dirt?" I laughed, it echoed in the dark cave, "DIRT? The blood traitors call US dirt? You lot are so delusional, its just funny, its hilarious how very astray you are. And we will tell you nothing. You hear me, you pitiful fools? We will tell you NOTHING, and there is not a thing you can do to tempt us, because we, unlike you, stand by our pride. You claim your pride is so important, your dignity so outstanding, and then you attack defenseless enemies. That's cowardice at its best, or rather, at its WORST!"

I spat on Sirius shoes, which he ignored, merely walking away from me, where I continued to struggle with the heavy rope that constrained me.

"Longbottom has a point, we need motivation," Fabian said, his eyes suddenly all too alive with some undoubtedly sick scheme, "So now, either you tell me your next plan, or we will take off an item of your clothing."

"You're going to sexually harass us?"Roddy could not help but laugh, "We either tell your our plots or you take off my cloak and stare at my abs? What a weird fucking plan, try again, creeps."

"That is rather odd, Fabian," Potter chuickled, "Surely, we can do better."

"Then suggest something better," Fabian challenged angrily, "If not, we might as well try it. Its freezing in here and it will insult their precious pride."

"I don't much fancy seeing Snivellus naked, Fabian," Sirius looked mildly repulsed, "But if you insist- Snivelly, what's your next plan?"

"To curse you to hell," Severus said with a sweet smile.

And with that Gideon flicked his wand and took off Severus shoes to reveal dirty white socks with several holes.

"Your mate isn't as rich as you lot," Longbottom noticed, a little too smugly, "Hope you give him some charity for the holidays."

"Go fuck yourself!"Severus shot at him bitterly.

"Yes, yes, I'll do that," Longbottom chuckled dismissively, "Now, Malfoy, does your group have contact with actual death eater or Voldemort himself?"

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK HIS NAME YOU BLOOD TRAITOR FAGGOT!" I screamed, unable to restrain myself, "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY, YOU WILL DIE BY HIS HANDS, HE IS YOUR SUPERIORER, AND YOU WILL SHOW HIM UTMOST REPSECT MERLIN DAMMIT!"

"Temper, temper," Longbottom clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

"Don't you just want to spell-o-tape her mouth shut?" Fabian chuckled, "Annoying little bitch, she is. Never shuts up."

"Never has in her miserable life," Sirius glared down at me from across the cave where he and Potter were busying themselves mocking the state of Severus's socks.

"Now Malfoy, I believe I asked you a question," Longbottom addressed Lucius sgain, his voice more curt than cruel as he regarded my ex boyfriend with both curiousity and disdain.

"None of your business, blood traitor," Lucius drawled, his voice like Roddy's displayed a note of audible boredom, "And I do concur with Bella's temper tantrum, you are not worthy of speaking the Dark Lord's revered name."

"Uh huh," Sirius rolled his eyes and motioned to Gideon who flicked his wand removing Lucius's cloak and robes. So he lay there, immediately commencing to shiver, in pants and shoes, his face twisting into one of pure hatred for our captors.

"This doesn't seem very effective, boys, we're just making them cold," Lupin noted, a look of annoyance flashing in his eyes as he spoke with his peers, "I do not think we're going to get them to talk, and we will not resort to torture,"

"Bellatrix," Fabian leered down towards me, ignoring Lupin, "Where are your twisted little meetings held?"

"What meetings?" I lied, feigning a look of innocence I was certain would elicit fury from the foul tempered blood traitor.

"Don't toy with me, girl," He warned, "Gideon has a wand and you're tied up at our mercy. Now answer my bloody question."

"I don't know what you're on about," I batted my eye lashes sweetly, "I don't even know what question you're referring to."

"She is rather annoying," Longbottom sniggered, "Listen Bellatrix Black, here is how this works. WE have the wand, thus WE have the power, thus YOU answer the questions, got it?"

"No, you see, THIS is how it works," I forced the smile to remain on my face as I spoke, "You are a blood traitor, you are against the righteous movement of the Dark Lord. You oppose what is best for the wizarding world. You are going to die for your foolishness, and we shall be hailed with glory for our many victories and devoted service to the Dark Lord. This is how this works, we are on the winning side of this ever growing war, and you, my chubby friend, are on the losing side. Thus, I will tell you nothing, and you can go wait until that lovely day when you die for your reckless defiance of all that is right.

"Curse this cow," Longbottom said, walking away from me in disgust.

"Go on then, Gideon, I don't give a damn," I said furiously.

"I cannot believe I ever liked you," Gideon cringed as he drew closer, "Good Godric, I kissed you, for Merlin's sake. I kissed those lips which speak those atrocities. You are, in essence, evil."

I merely yawned.

"If you hurt one pretty hair on my girlfriend's pretty head, I will make sure to personally be the one with the honor of killing you when we are true Death Eaters, Gideon, I swear on Salazar's grave, may he rest in peace."

"You know," Ted jumped in anxiously, "Salazar and Godric were once friends. They wouldn't have wanted this, this is wrong. This is all wrong."

"Salazar was clearly mistaken," I laughed, "If Godric was anything like you trolls, I have no idea why they even let him form his own house. Bravery, they say, is a Gryffindor quality. What is brave about this situation, may I ask you?"

"Desperate times-" Sirius began

"-Desperate measures," Potter finished for him.

"After your actions in the Great Hall, we were forced to take our own action, you are terrorizing our school."

"Why thank you!" I grinned, "Hear that boys, we're doing our jobs well."

"You are the worst example of humanity I have ever seen," Fabian shot at me, looking irate as he paced around the cave, frustrated his little kidnapping scheme was going absolutely nowhere.

"This is feckless, we're not accomplishing a thing," Lupin insisted, "Let's just all go have a nice Christmas."

"The Prewett's Christmas would be a lot nicer if the Death Eaters hadn't killed his papa," I grinned from my place of weakness on the floor, "Let that be a warning to all those who oppose the Dark Lord."

And Gideon flicked his wand towards me, and I closed my eyes, not really caring what he did, for I knew, I know, that I had long since won.

"FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, SHE'S MY COUSIN, COVER HER UP!" Sirius shouted furiously, and a cold breeze against my uncovered skin, told me what had happened before I even opened my eyes. And then I thought back to that snow storm I shared with Sirius all those years ago, when we imaged something very warm to dry ourselves off after our snowball fight so our mothers wouldn't e angry. And so suddenly I thought of something very, very hot, and I thought about it beging rubbed aginst the ropes that rendered me helpless, and I concentrated untile I fel the ropes fall away as if they had been burned off.

"What the fuck?" Fabian said anxiously I stood up, walked straight towards Gideon, who was too dumbstruck by my escape, and in all probability the fact that I was totally nude, to curse me again, and thus I punched him straight in the face, feeling his nose crushed beneath my fist, and I tore his wand from his hand, and ran, freezing and naked to the edge of the cave and threw his wand into the snow, watching it become buried almost instantly in the blizzard.

"Now what?" I turned back, boldly and nearly insane with rage as I glared at the Gryffindors, none of whom could now hex us. And I walked bravely towards Gideon who was now racing towards the snow, clutching his broken nose, and I snatched my clothing from his other hand as he ran by, and threw himself into the snow, digging through the mounds of glittering white purity.

I slid into my panties and bra, before sliding my robes over my head and then walked towards Roddy to release him before Fabian grabbed me, harshly

"Do not release him you, you-"

"Can't even think of a word for me?" I sneered, "Just let me go, you got to see me naked, so merry Christmas."

"Yeah, I'm going to kill all you pervs for that!" Roddy swore furiously, "Now let her go, if you engage in muggle dueling with her, you'll just further disgrace yourself and your pathetic house. Brave Gryffindors? Bravery my hippogriff's ass."

"You have a hippogriff?" Severus asked, turning his heads to Roddy.

"Its an expression, mate," Roddy chuckled, "The point is, let her go, so she can let us go and we can get our revenge on you another day."

"Looks boys, you gave it a try, just accept it- we win, as always," Lucius smirked, though the scene seemed frozen, every other Gryffindor boy stood rooted on their spots in the cold cave while Gideon frantically searched for his wand in the ever piling snow mounds, and Fabian held me firmly by the shoulders, I could feel the pale skin beneath his grip bruising, but I made no sign of pain, merely glared deeply into his eyes, the eyes I loathed so deeply.

Without warning, Fabian punched me hard in the face, my left cheek to be exact, and then torn my robes away again, revealing a large amount of cleavage but naught more, before he spit in my face and slammed me into the cave wall.

"Merry Christmas, bitch," He said in a voice hardened with hatred before he left, joining Gideon to search for his wand.

"Hitting a girl?" I mused, rubbing my cheek, and grabbing my cloak from the floor to cover my self for the winds outside, "Very noble indeed."

I then untied Roddy, Lucius, and Severus who got to their feet, Lucius clutching his wand

"And for everything you've put us through," Lucius began a cruel smile crossing his cold, pale face as he flicked his wand

The Gryffindors all found themselves entirely naked, and laughing, Lucius cursed their clothes to be doused in water, and they began freezing almost instantly.

"Good luck drying those, guess you'll have to wait until Gideon finds his wand," Dolohov laughed at the naked Gryffindors, all of whom where shivering and racing to their soaked clothing, all of them nearly crying for fury.

"This isn't over," Fabian hissed as we walked passed he and Gideon, the only two who remained clothed as they searched through the snow.

"Yeah, I know it isn't," I smiled sweetly one last time, "You're not dead yet."

And with another flick of his trusty wand, the last two Gryffindors were naked in the snow, their clothing soaked with freezing water.

They were screaming obscenities as we stolled away, laughing.

"Alls well that ends well, mates," Roddy chortled as we walked towards the three broomsticks, ready to go home, and almost entirely sobered from the evening's events.

"Nice boobs, Bella," Severus sniggered, earning a slap in the face from Roddy, though he laughed while he did it.

"Weird night," I mused, clutching Roddy's hand tightly, "Wonder how long before Gideon retrieves his wand."

"Hopefullly a while," Sneered Lucius, "That was epic. Now tell us, how did you escape? The ropes just sort of… broke off."

"I burned them off, of course," I grinned, my pride mounting.

"How?" Roddy inquired, smiling genuinely at me, his eyes sparkling with affection that I was sure matched the look within my own eyes as I gazed into his.

"I envisioned something very hot, fire, and I envisioned it burning away my ropes," I said, in a voice that was brimming with smugness, my chin held high in the snow in my pride.

"Brillant," Roddy stopped to kiss me passionately, "And mark my words, I'm going to murder them all for gawking at you like that, a bunch of perverts."

"They probably have never seen a naked bird in their life, mate," Lucius laughed.

"Neither has Severus and he didn't stare too much," Dolohov teased good naturedly as Severus cursed loudly at him.

We finally reached the door of the three broomsticks and shared a butter beer to warm up and relive our brilliant escape, or rather MY brilliant escape.

"They're just so foolish and reckless, what an awful plan, " Severus was laughing over his butterbeer, "There was no chance we were going to tell them anything."

"They got desperate," Roddy chuckled, "It was a pathetic attempt really, and it ended making them look more foolish than ever. What a Christmas, eh?"

"What a Christmas indeed," Lucius smirked, and held up his glass of butter beer, "A toast, mates, to the DEY and to keeping our dignity!"

And with that we clinked our glasses together and drank the warm butter beer that defrosted our bodies and ended the evening on a high note

"Before we leave, Bella, I do have a gift for you," Roddy said softly as he paid the bartender and headed towards the fireplace, our pockets full of floo powder

"I have something for you as well, darling," I grinned, my head spinning with the evening and the alcohol and the glory and the humiliation. Its so hard to keep so much organized in one's head.

"here," Roddy beamed as he handed me a jewled ring, sparkling silver diamonds and emeralds, "Its called the princess ring of Slytherin. Notice the colors of course, but what's more it that its said that the wearer will be blessed by Salazar himself."

"Its," I paused, trying to think of a word as beautiful as the ring I slid onto my finger, "Perfect."

"As are you, Bella," He blushed ever so slightly in the light of the bar, "Now where's ,my gift, greedy girl?"

"Here," I pulled from my pocket a watch, silver and emerald, "The colors of Slytherin,"

"Its perfect," He smiled without paused and kissed me.

"There's more," I beamed at him, blushing now myself, "Look, it does not tell the time. It will tell you always how much danger you are in. Now, you see, its pointing to "Mild" probably because the order of the pigeons are still squawking about out there, but I thought it should be… useful."

"It's the best present I have ever received from the best woman I have ever known, no one's beauty or talent surpasses yours, Bella," He whispered, clasping the watch on his wrist, "I love you, more than anything, Bella, you and the Dark Lord. I am so consumed with love."

"As am I, Roddy, its taken over my life!" I laughed, feeling so light, "I am fuelled by my love for you and for our cause, it is love I feel. They say we are motivated by hate, but they are so very wrong. Its love, only love. And I love you too."

"Merry Christmas, Bella," He whispered, Roddy and Lucius waiting impatiently for us, ignoring our intimate moment.

"Merry Christmas to all!" I grinned as I passed by everyone, tossing my powder into the fire and climbing inside, waving a cheerful farewell.

"And to all a goodnight!" Roddy finished and I wishered "The Black Manor" and spiraled along the floo network home.

And here I am, sitting awake on this snowy Christmas morning, smiling as my ring glitter's in the winter sun. and already I know, it will be a very merry Christmas, because I am in love, and I can carry my love with me within my heart. Now matter how many Gryffindors see my naked, or try to tie me up and elicit secrets, no matter how many jeers they taunt, I pay no mind these days, for I have love in my life, the Dark Lord, and Roddy, and they will soon be left with nothing, no even their worthless lives.

So, dearest little diary, a very merry Christmas to you.

Love, heHo


	18. To be a Princess

December26th,

What is it about Christmas that forces your mind to wander to Christmases past?

When Sirius and I were nine we spent all Christmas day together pulling pranks on all of our relatives. We couldn't really use magic, so we were forced to be quite clever, ingenious in fact, and we got them all, even Andy, who was less than pleased to find snow in her bed.

And I can't help but ponder, how on earth were Sirius and I so close? Like brother and sister, almost like best friends. And now we're bitter enemies, hatred boils now where love once resided, ad it makes me feel almost… whats that emotion again? Hmm… sad perhaps. ALMOST sad, at the way things turned out. At the way that blood traitor CHOSE things to turn out, forsaking his family, forsaking his blood, forsaking me.

I remember that Christmas of age nine, that night once the mayhem had subsided and Sirius and I were forced to eat our dinner in the kitchen of my manor with my house elf rather than in the dining room with the family. Really, it was more of a pleasure than a punishment. We didn't have be silent while the adults discussed the Ministry of magic, we didn't have to keep our elbows off the table, we didn't even have to say grace. We just ate and talked, talked for hours it seemed on that Christmas so long, long ago.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Sirius asked chewing on roast duck in the warm, slightly stuffy kitchen where my house elf was slumped in the corner gnawing on chicken bones.

"A princess!" I exclaimed, grinning, "Princess Bella!"

"Daft girl, where are you going to find a prince these days?" Sirius chuckled, talking with his mouth open which for some reason I found endearing at the time as opposed to repulsive, "I mean being a princess is so Middle Ages. And witches were burned back then by the nutty muggles."

"Yeah muggles suck," I nodded, "But there must be a prince out there somewhere, some handsome powerful man who will scoop me up on his white horse and carry me to a grand castle where I will rule over all the land, and wear gorgeous gowns and an elf made silver tiara with diamonds and rubies and pink sapphires-"

"You're such a girl!" He interrupted, partly amused and party annoyed, his big dark eyes sparkling.

"Pardon me," I said sarcastically, "Well mister macho, what do YOU want to be when you're a grown up?"

"An auror!" He beamed, "You know, one of those guys who fights dark wizards!"

"Why?" I wrinkled my nose in disgust, "What an awful job, they have to run around getting in danger all the time, and for what? A bunch of ungrateful mudbloods?"

"You listen to your mother far too much, Bella," He scolded me, frowning.

"And you don't listen to yours nearly enough!" I shot back, crossing my arms across my chest in defiance.

"Regardless," He shrugged in a dismissive movement, "My dream is a lot more realistic than yours, 'princess'."

"You never know," I smirked, "You just never know"

And now I see all I ever wanted, even as a young girl was love and power. And I wonder, is Roddy that Prince I'd been dreaming of, or would that prince be the Dark Lord? He seems to meet the prince criteria more accurately, but no matter, for it was the silly wish of a nine year old and I have found love, in all its deafening glory, and I am achieving power, day by day, and slowly but most certainly surely.

I can recall that Christmas dinner, long after our food had been devoured, we sat there in that kitchen on a little metal table the house elf used for preparing food, but we simply couldn't stop talking, we must have been the chattiest little children ever.

"Your mother wont much fancy you being an auror, Siri," I warned him sagely

"I'm not going to live my life by her standards, or by anyone's," He said defiantly, and carried on with the wisdom of someone much, much older than nine, "You see Bella, no matter what we do in life, someone is always going to disapprove, you cannot possibly please every single person you meet. Therefore, I've decided to live my life by doing exactly as I please. I'm going to please myself, because the decisions I make in my life, well, I'm the one that has to life with them. The life I make has to be for myself, because I'm the one living it."

"I plan to do the same," I said, absorbing his words thoughtfully, "As you said, we're the ones who have to live the lives we choose."

And here we are 6 years post that beautiful Christmas, hating one another, but each still living by those wise words that Sirius spoke so articulately as a child, as the child who was my best friend, as the child I miss. But he is no longer in existence. In his place is a foul, cruel, insane blood traitor set out to destroy the morals and values of our world. And this does not make me sad, no, this makes me angry.

Without Andy and Siri Christmas at my manor has gotten quieter and a bit lonelier. Cissy and I drank hot coco together and watched the snow fall from the window seats in the parlor after opening countless gifts, quills, robes, wizarding games, books, purses, luxuries items fit for a princess, a princess I've yet to become.

Today is boxing day, and I flooed over to the Lestrange manor where Roddy was awaiting me before his vast stone fireplace, and I was greeted with the warmest of embraces.

"How I missed you after only a day," I breathed, disbelievingly, "Tell me all about your Christmas, every boring mundane detail, right down to what beverage you drank with your figgy pudding!"

"We didn't have figgy pudding," He grinned, holding me close, "But I drank a great deal of butter beer and snuck in a bit of mulled meade towards he end."

"Oh you naughty, boy," I teased, giggling as we broke apart, and he grasped my hand leading me up a long staircase that lead to the third floor where his bedroom was located, and inside lining the walls were quiddich posters and pictures of he and his family, he and Lucius, and the floor was strewn with old letters and dirty clothes, but I ignored it all as he lead me to his canopied bed, one very much like my own but fashioned in black and green as opposed to pink and silver.

"Bella, I have to confess something to you, and it is something of a happy nature, I do hope,"

"Confess?" I raised my eye brows and surveyed my love carefully, curious and nervous now, fingering the large ring he had given me.

"Well, that ring, the one you are currently fidgeting with, it was more than a Christmas present," He breathed and then slid off the bed, onto one knee, "Bella, that ring is worn on the wrong hand. Place if on your left hand, it is an engagement ring. It is a symbol of my love for you, eternal and binding, and I want you to be mine forever, as I am forever yours. Please Bella, be my fiancé, we will be married after Hogwarts, next year, and it will be as beautiful as the starry sky, as beautiful as the first rose of spring, almost as beautiful as you my love."

"You know I cannot bear it when you speak to in poetry, Roddy, I simply melt," I was blushing furiously and clumsily I placed the ring on my left hand, "I accept, oh of course I accept, I love you so very dearly. Let us be together forever, let us solidify our bond with marriage! You're the one, Roddy, you are my one!"

And then we kissed, deeply and passionately and he threw me on the bed and after a session of intimacy, we lay there in bed, beside one another and hand in hand, completely naked, entirely vulnerable, and I thought to myself, perhaps he is my prince. Now he merely needs to rule over some sort of nation, other than that he meets every qualification of my definition of perfection.

His parents, and mine who insisted on flooing over once they received my owl two hours after it was send, were thrilled beyond measure, planning for the third day in June after our Hogwarts graudation. We all toasted with mulled meade and we drank to the love Roddy and I share, it was quite a day diary, as it seems lately, my head is spinning.

I cannot keep my thoughts straight, so very much is happening, and it has been happening so very quickly. I am engaged, diary, I am 16 years old and engaged it seems so sudden but really ive been waiting for this my entire life.

And as I stare adoringly at my ring, I think to myself about all the hatred in the world, in my life, all the curses and battles, the conniving, and the plotting. I think upon the terror we inflict, the pain we cause, and I think about the attempts at revenge that have befallen upon us. I think, dearest diary, about hate.

But you see, though hatred is an inevitable part of my life, a facet I can never hope to ignore, it is not the hatred that makes me feel most alive. It is the love.

I know it is both hatred and love that will grant me the power and glory I so desire, but when I fall asleep at night, it is my love that makes me smile.

Now some say "all you need is love" but we all know this is utterly foolish. One does need an amount of hate, for motivation for inspiration, for a cause, for a mission, for a purpose. But you need love to guide you through your missions and battles, you need love for the same reason you need a home. It is lovely to have a cause to fight for, it is beautiful to have something worth dying for. But it is so very important that when the war is one, you have something to return to, someone to go home to.

Roddy is my home, for home is where the heart is.

Now I pray I do not sound like a love sick Gryffindor, or worse, a Hufflepuff, but love is not reserved for the weak, no Slytherins deserve love to, and they deserve to bask in its glow all they want, for in all of our ambition, love is not forgotten, it's just that Gryffindors forget to remember- we can love too,

And now the hour grows late. The candle besides the bed I am sharing with Roddy this evening burns low, and I watch his handsome face, so serene as he sleeps. And I smile to myself. I have grown tired, and will lay my diary to rest and I will dream, not of those I hate, but of those I love.

Love,

Bella

January 1st,

Forgive my last entry, I sound like someone slipped my a very potent love potion. My elation and love sickness was due to, well, it was the day I got engaged, and every girl is bound to get a little overwhelmed with love on such a day.

As for my views on love and hate, I try to balance them. Sometimes I love hate, sometimes I simply hate love, and sometimes love is enough on its own. Love for the DEY. Roddy, and the all powerful Dark Lord. But without love there can be no hate, and without hate there can be no love, they are interlinked and they are my two dominate emotions, and they are danmgerous feelings indeed, and it is because I have the ability to both love and hate so passionately that I pursue the Dark Arts, and that I am, at time, reckless, because emotions of such magnitude are a bit difficult to regulate and thus I operate soley on my passions, passions of love and passions of hate.

Now that that is settled, we may move on to very, very pressing matters.

Today is the biggest day of my life, yes bigger than being engaged, or at least tied.

Allow me to begin where it all began, at Lucius's New Year's Eve soiree.

It was a black tie affair, held by his esteemed parents. The minister of magic was there himself. Cissy cried for days because mother told her she was too young to accompany us. Lucius invited a good portion of the DEY, seeing as most of their parents were on the guest list as well. After the formal dinner where I sat beside Roddy and Severus, the dancing began. Roddy was looking incredibly handsome in his black tuxedo, and he commented on my dress, "Why Bella Black, what are you doing wearing a silk gown of white?"

"White is for purity, my love," I grinned.

"One who loves the dark arts such as yourself, I would have pictured dressed in black," he whispered, kissing my cheek.

"I like to avoid that obvious cliché, I am a woman of many colors," I winked.

"My darling," Roddy scoffed, "Neither white nor black happen to be colors, they are but the absence of color."

"Whatever," I giggled, twirling my dark hair, curled loosely for the event, around my manicured red fingernails.

"You look, if I may so say, the epitome of stunning," He commented as we waltzed around the Malfoy's great ball room.

"The same should be said for you, Roddy," I complimented, hoping my pale skin did not blush too deeply, as I noticed an odd couple across the dance floor, "Oh Roddy, look!"

I pointed to Severus and Alecto Carrow who were dancing most awkwardly around, her belly bouncing in her dress that was several sizes too small, and Severus looked like an unbending twig with a disgusted look on his sallow face as he lead his chubby partner.

"That's priceless, galleonless, if you will," Roddy was chortling loudly as I broke away from our waltz.

"Hold on a moment, I brought my mother's camera," I grinned wickedly and snapped a photo of Severus and Alecto, both of whom looked up startled as the flash went off, "I plan to commemorate this evening with pictures, for we will only be young and beautiful once."

"You'll be young and beautiful to me forever," He promised softly before kissing me briefly on the lips.

"Hey paparazzi, get one over here!" Lucius called out, to my amusement I saw him and Dolohov chuckling together as they attempted a waltz. I immediately snapped a two photographs of the two of them, laughing in one another's arms.

Severus seemed to use this opportunity to slink away from Alecto and approached Roddy and I, looking relieved to be away from her heavy arms, "Allow me to return the favor and take one of the happy couple," He said cordially.

"That'd be excellent, thank you!" I beamed, handing him the camera, sliding the the three pictures it had already developed into my little silver purse.

"Look in love or something, and say pureblood!" Severus laughed, aiming the camera at Roddy and I, who grinned back at him, posed contentedly in each other's arms. The flash was a bit dizzying I noted as I retrieved my camera.

"Thanks, Sev," Roddy beamed, blinking his eyes to do away with the sun spots the flash created, "Sorry about the one of you and fatty Carrow over there, but it was just so hilarious."

"Yes, well, she sort of grabbed me and began dragging me about the dance floor, and to be honest she could probably punch me out, so to avoid injury I reluctantly acquiesced to a single dance."

"And now we have the evidence forever!" I giggled mercilessly.

"She's an evil one, Rod," Severus winked, "Good luck with her."

"Want a copy of you and Alecto?" I called after him as he walked away with a parting wave that quickly morphed into a crude gesture with his middle finger. Roddy and I laughed again, and he lead me off the dance floor to the side of the room where Severus had gone to meet the members of the DEY in attendance at the party.

"Happy new year's eve, mates," Lucius said in an unusually bright voice, his face lacking its normal smirk or scowl, he looked strangely elated.

"And to you, Lucius," Roddy grinned and shook his hand, "Lovely party. Notice how drunk the minister is getting? Brillant."

"Yes, I'm getting a bit drunk myself," Lucius conceded, beaming, "Open bar spells happy new year to me,"

"Same, Roddy would you mind getting us two more drinks?" I batted my eye lashed hopefully.

"Certainly, Bells, don't run off with the minister while I'm gone, he's been eyeing you all night."

"Nonsense, he's been eyeing the open bar," I laughed as Roddy strolled off towards the varnished bar across the dance floor

"How long until midnight?" Rosier asked Lucius, his eyes scanning the room for a clock.

"About 45 minutes," Lucius replied, glancing at the watch he wore on his white wrist, "Just enough time for a quick meeting."

"A meeting?" Rosier scowled, "But it's a party, mate, and we're all getting rather drunk."

"No matter, it will be brief, and in very good spirits." Lucius assured him grinning.

Roddy returned a moment later carrying champagne for each of us, which I sipped quickly, the bubbles tingly, and the taste like a celebration embodied.

"Now, upstairs, all of you," Lucius said commandingly, though a smile remained on his pale face while he pointed everyone towards the main spiral staircase behind us, "Go, go, waste no time, this is urgent my young and hopeful DEY members!"

Confused, but inevitably excited we all scampered up the stairs, without any sort of grace due to the amount of alcohol we'd been consuming in an effort to properly ring in the new year. We exited the staircase on the second floor where Lucius lead us towards his bedroom, and once inside, he climbed atop his expensive oak desk chair and greeted us all with the smile of a champion.

"Operation Contact is a go!"

And the room exploded into cheers, questions, and murmers of awe and disbelief. I myself screamed something along the lines of "SWEET MERLIN" and jumped onto Roddy, hugging him tightly as he held me up.

"Now, now there are conditions, mates!" Lucius said, quieting the room full of drunken and over excited DEY members, "Before he addresses our group as whole, before he meets us all he wants to meet with a sample, 5 of us. Well, 4 including myself as the president. He would like to disconcert whether we are worthy of his attention and time, for he is an extremely busy and immeasurably important man. Thus, he will meet with 5 of us tomorrow, here in my manor, to discuss the achievements, goals, and purpose of the Death Eater Youth. If all goes well he will address us all formally at one of our meetings this summer and ensure our futures are servants of the Dark Lord and his most worthy cause!"

"Okay, so who is going with you?" Rosier asked immediately, the room quiet, Severus biting his thin lower lip nervously, the Carrows bouncing on the balls of their feet, Peter Parkinson was breathing very quickly, while Mulicber began tapping his foot sporadically.

"Well, I'll be choosing the 4 members who have given the most to this organization," Lucius explained smugly, relishing in his power, "I have chosen 4 of you who have shown devotion, and talent in regards to the DEY. Naturally, Dolohov who was nearly expelled for Operation Devastation and has never wavered in his loyalty and dedication. Roddy Lestrange, who has put forth un paralleled effort and ideas for the success of the DEY. Severus Snape whose wit, cunning, and motivation have been most beneficial to our endeavors. And finally, though this member is reckless, head strong, and probably insane, their success, effort, and devotion are unmatched, so reluctantly, Bella Black will be the final member joining us to meet with the Dark Lord tomorrow evening."

"You picked all your best mates!" Rosier said furiously, "Kick one of them out, I want to go!"

"And what on earth have you DONE for the DEY, Evan Rosier?" Lucius drawled, smirking.

"I-"

"That's right, Rosier: Nothing," Lucius said with a note of finality, "My choice is final. Now, what should the new year's resolution be for the DEY?"

"To kick more Gryffindor ass!" Crabbe grunted excitedly, met with applause from those around him.

"To have the Dark Lord meet all of us," Rosier grumbled, also met with cheers.

"To beat Operation Devastation," Junior piped in, "To create even more terror, to become entirely and unquestionably infamous!"

The cheers for junior were the loudest yet.

"I believe we have a winner!" Lucius grinned, "Junior suggests we do something more devastating than Operation Devastation, and I say it sounds like a challenge we're up for. As for meeting the Dark Lord as a whole, and kicking Gryffindor ass, these are givens, but Junior here presents us with a new challenge, something to aspire to, and meet his challenge with excitement, as should all of you! So start thinking, my Death Eater Youth, because our next meeting will be the first day of term, which is in three days. I will recount to you all our meeting with the Dark Lord, and you will all impress me with new and brilliant schemes for terrifying the entirety of Hogwarts."

We clapped for him then, as he bowed for us, standing on the red upholstery of his desk chair, grinning like the king of the world and I laughed, laughed at how impossibly perfect things were beginning to come together,

"What is so funny, Bella?" Roddy asked I as continued to chuckle.

"life," I replied simply, beaming at him,

"Now DEY members, look at the clock, it is nearly time for a new year or chaos, adventure, and for some love, for some glory, and for some infamy! Let us ring in this new year together, the collective future Death Eaters, the collective whole!"

And in unison we counted down the last sixty seconds, the last minutes of the last year of my childhood. This year began in screams of joy, of hope, shouts of glory and victory, and soon, in a few short months, I would be of age, and soon, in a few short hours I would be meeting with the Dark Lord, and it all seemed too perfect, amidst the crowd of cheering and laughing peers, I found myself unable to stop smiling, unable to let go of Roddy, whom I hugged with all the passion I possessed, and when we kissed at the chime of midnight I wished that very moment of hope and possibility would never end.

So now it is morning, the first morning of the first year of the rest of my life. And today I meet the Dark Lord. I am laying on Lucius bedroom floor with Roddy. I have not changed out of my white silk ball gown, and I do not intend to. I will greet the Dark Lord with the appearance of a princess, for after all, that is what Ive always wanted to be, and though impossibly as it may seem, no one can stop me from dressing the part. Roddy, Dolohov, Severys, and Lucius snore soundly. Lucius unknowingly, for he passed our first, shared his bed with both Severus and Dolohov and I cannot wait until he wakes up to find himself in bed with his two best mates. I bet he screams, odds are about ten to one.

Today is a day I'll never forget diary, and now I must wake up Roddy for my anticipation has mounted and I must share it with someone. No offense, you are lovely, but you cannot revel in the excitement with me. So I bid you good day diary, and I will write again very, very soon to tell you, in vivid detail about my meeting with my savoir.

Love,

Bella

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Loved the reviews, they inspired me to write this chapter in like a day haha so thank you very much I really appreciate it =]

Anyway, next chapter we finally meet the dark lord =] or rather Bella finally meets him! So stay tuneeeeeeeeed!


	19. Calm Before the Storm

January 2nd,

The Dark Lord is the perfection personified. He is everything I have been imagining for years, only better.

It was around 5pm when Mr. Malfoy lead us down a flight of stone steps, that lead us to a dark, dark cellar, which was more reminiscent of a dungeon than anything. Mr. Malfoy lit some oil lamps around the wall, though they merely cast ghostly shadows over the stone walls and floor, over the faces of my friends, who looked paler than usual in this eerie glow.

"He will be arriving soon," Mr. Malfoy said after a moment of silence. Severus's face was blank, forever unreadable, especially in the dim lighting. His skin looked sallower than ever, his eyes sunken into his face, his lips a thin line. Lucius looked a bit sickly, too pale, almost shaking, though he stood so proud, his chin so high, his eyes so clear, so anticipating. Dolohov had darty eyes; they flitted across the room and back every five seconds, while Roddy was almost smiling. In the slightest curve of his red lips, in the faintest glimmer in his eyes I thought I could decipher the traces of a smile, and I was sure, were someone to examine my own face, that would be the expression they would find, the ever subtle traces of an elated smile, in the corners of my lips, and within the depths of my eyes.

At long last Mr. Malfoy cleared his throat, "It is time. Get to your knees."

And as if pushed my an invisible hand we all fell to our knees at the exact moment, ignoring the uneven surface of the dungeon, I mean cellar, floor digging into our skin, we bowed our heads and waited for only another moment before we heard the swish of a cloak and the very air in the room changed. The air itself grew darker, heavier, purer, somehow the air itself carried his power.

"Look up, my children," He said in a voice that was both low and high at the same time.

We lifted our heads to see the greatest Wizard of all time in all his glory. He was tall, pale as snow, with eyes that seemed to glow a color I couldn't quite identify, almost hazel, but they shimmered something beautiful, something dangerous. And his lips reminded me of Roddy's, full and unnaturally red, in sharp contrast to his delicate skin. His bone structure was a thing of beauty, more perfect than any calculated work of art, any Greek statue or Renaissance painting. He exuded attractiveness, power, glory, and something attractively, powerfully, and gloriously dark.

And this, I knew, was why I was on this earth, to serve this man, this unparalleled wizard. I knew I loved him for years, but all of that love seemed to pour out of me, pour from my heart into his shimmering eyes when I first saw him, first absorbed the power that lingered around him like an aura.

I never knew a love like this, like an obsession, but more so- like oxygen.

"I have heard, from many of my esteem Death Eaters that you, mere children, have created a small following of my teachings within the confines of Hogwarts," He began, his words, though they sounded so cold were like poetry, just the way he spoke I became entranced, following his lips and eyes as though hypnotized, "It is rumored that you have caused quite a bit of chaos, all in the name of myself and my cause, and it is rumored you, you children who have never met me, pledge your undying loyalty. And finally, I have heard that young master Lucius Malfoy is your leader. Is this true, young Lucius?"

"It is, my Lord," Lucius said, shaking as he and the Dark Lord made eye contact. The Dark Lord's blood red lips curved into a smile that didn't quite reach his bright eyes.

"I commend your ambition," The Dark Lord addressed not only Lucius, but all of us, "I am aware those in my current presence are all pureblood Slytherins, so this ambition and devotion is to be expected. Now, may I ask, you, the boy beside Lucius, Dolohov, isn't it?"

"Yes sir, I mean yes my Lord," Dolohov stuttered, looking very nervous as the Dark Lord leered down at him.

"What motivated you to join this group?" The Dark Lord asked, his voice merely curious, "What motivated you to break rules, to frighten and to curse others in my name?"

"All that you represent, my Lord," He said in a feeble sort of voice, "Purebloods ruling over the impure, ruling over muggles, purification of the wizarding race, it all seems so just, what my family has believed in for decades."

"Good, good," The Dark Lord nodded and stepped then in front of Severus, who looked up at him, not displaying his fear, though he must have had the same anxiety coursing through his veins as the rest of us, his expression remained so smooth, so silent, "Severus Snape, why do you wish to fight for me, to join my ranks?"

"You are the most powerful, strongest, most revered wizard of all time, my Lord," He said calmly.

"Ah I see," The Dark Lord grinned, flashing pure white teeth, "Dolohov seeks purity, Snape seeks power. The usual responses. Now you, Master Rodolphlus Lestrange, why are you so intent on joining the Death Eaters?"

"Purification and power, I am attracted to both notions," Roddy explained, his voice steady, though his hands were shaking, "I wish to aid the greatest, to be a part of that which I believe in. I wish to serve you because you stand for what is right and because you are the most powerful, glorious wizard of all time. Your knowledge and achievements in the dark arts is most impressive. If you would allow me, I would be honored to be a devoted servant to you, My Lord."

"Beautiful answer, Lestrange," He continued to grin, "You have a gift with words, and your brother informs me you also have a gift with wands. However, I will not accept servitude until you are of age, this is, of course policy. Now another policy is that my army is entirely male. This policy, however, is open to negotiation. Bellatrix Black, a 16 year old witch, a co-founded of this 'Death Eater Youth'. Now tell me, my child, why would you like to become a Death Eater? Why not the wife of a Death Eater? The mother of Death Eater men? Why do you wish to fight?"

"Because," I said without thinking, "I love you."

The room was silent, and I felt my face glow scarlet, and I saw, from the corner of my eye Roddy scowl.

"Love?" The Dark Lord laughed, and I swore this time his smile touched the ice that glittered in his eyes, "Love drives you to fight? To kill?"

"Love motivates me to be a defender of purity. Love is the reason I want to fight, because what better reason is there to risk one's life than love? I love you, for your ideals, for you power, your strength, all you embody, you are our hero, and we all love you, My Lord, our Hero, our savior. Everything we do in the Death Eater Youth is to honor you against those who wish to grow older and destroy you, we are children, but we have the passion of your true Death Eaters, we have their conviction, I swear on my life."

"That's a bit bold, Miss Black," He laughed again, a bit colder now, "But impressive none the less, you too have a gift with speech. And your talent, well, its as famous as you attitude. A bit aggressive, are you Bellatrix Black?"

"Aggressive?" I repeated, almost laughing, "Extremely."

"And honest, very exceptional," He nodded approvingly and then turned to the five of us, "Well, I've heard of your escapades, of your daring, of your loyalty. Now you say you want to join me. I ask you, the five of you to prove it. And if you can, if you can achieve what I ask, I will personally accept you into high ranks when you are of age, I will welcome you with open arms, arms of love in the words of Miss Black. If you fail, accepted as Death Eaters you still will be, but not with the same reverence, no, not with the same excitement, or anticipation. So, my children, do you accept?"

"We do," we whispered in a frightened chorus.

"Your loyalty will be rewarded young Death Eaters, mark my words," He paced around us, examining us closely, "I ask you all to do just one thing- There is a map in the office of Professor Slughorn, and I believe I am correct in saying you are all welcome in his slug club?"

We all nodded, though we rarely attended the boring meetings in his stuffy office.

"Excellent," The Dark Lord looked pleased as he regarded us fondly, "Now, about this map, it is of Hogwarts, every room and passage. Steal it. Bring it here, to the Malfoy manor by the end of this term."

"That is all, My Lord?" Lucius asked tentatively.

"That is all, child," He replied curtly, and then, he surveyed us once more, "You five, the proudest, most talented of your _adorable _organization in my honor, I expect great things from you. All of you. And as for our current status of an all male alliance, once you turn 17, fair Bellatrix Black, that will change and a woman will join our army, and she will be an inspiration for all other female aspiring Death Eaters, and she will do her house, and her family proud. You are already engaged, are you not?"

"Yes, I am," I said, a bit stunned, "To Roddy,"

"Hmm, I know," He smirked, "What a quaint little love story among my followers, a husband and wife, warriors in my ranks. What a nice story to tell your grand children. How quaint indeed. Now I ask of you all that solitary favor, bring me my map, and you will be rewarded. You are my chosen children, I was never a father myself, and never do I plan to be, so the five of you, serve me well, make me… proud. Yes, I would like you all to make me proud. And recruit as many of your peers as you can, there is power in numbers, vast power in vast numbers. And together our rise to power will be beyond your wildest imaginations. So I ask of you to continue your noble work in my name, and in my service and I give you my blessing, and my faith. Yes, even the Dark Lord can place his faith in the faith of children. I call you children… as if I am even so old myself. I'm still rather young, you see, not a youth, but far from a grand father. Now, I apologize, for I digress. Farewell, my students of the Dark Arts, and I will see you in the summer."

"Farewell, my lord," We all spoke in a shaky unison.

"Now, Malfoy, you and I have our own meeting to attend to, do we not?" he turned away from us then, facing Lucius's father and my heart skipped a beat, aching for his gaze.

"We do, my Lord," Mr. Malfoy nodded and together they walked to the far corner of the dungeon, I mean cellar, "Take care of your mother, Lucius, I'll be gone for about a week, goodbye and good luck in school, I suppose I won't see you before I return."

"Good bye, father" Lucius said, nodding his farewell as the two grown wizards disappeared, leaving us in the dark cellar/dungeon, a heavy silence of glory and power had fallen over us, we were lost in our daze, we had met the Dark Lord. We had met the savior of the Wizarding World. And he was perfect.

"You LOVE him?" Lucius broke the silence after several minutes with an amused drawl.

"Don't you love him, you treasonous pig?" I snapped, glaring at him, as we all finally got to our feet, our knees aching from the stone floor, our bodies shivering from the cold of the basement as we made our way back up the dungeonesque staircase to main floor of the Malfoy manner.

"I suppose we all love him in a way, " Roddy conceded thoughtfully, "No other force could motivate us so reverently as love, could it? I mean, we are risking our lives, our reputations, our everything in the name of this man, this Dark Lord, and what could be a better reason than for love? We love his cause, we love power, we love glory, we love the Death Eater movement."

"Yeah, but your daft girlfriend- oh excuse moi- FIANCE, told the Dark Lord she loves him," Severus laughed, "I mean, what an odd first impression."

"Not odd," I hissed menacingly, "Just honest. This is all in the name of love, for all of us."

"I guess," Lucius shrugged, "But doesn't hatred play its part too? And play it well, may I add?"

"Certainly," I agreed, "But it is love that drives a harder bargain than hatred, for hatred can diminish, but love only grows even in absence it flourishes, its an illness, its beautiful. I feel it for Roddy, I feel it for our purpose, for the DEY, for power, glory, victory, all the usual, and for the Dark Lord, and I will not be ashamed of saying that which is in my heart."

"Looks like you've got some competition, Roddy," Lucius sneered as we reached his bedroom, "Now you know how I felt, watching her fall inlove with someone else before my very eyes. Hurts, doesn't it? Fickle little slag, isn't she?"

"I will punch you in the face if you talk about the woman I intend to marry in a disrespectful manner Lucius." Roddy said, not challengingly, but in a matter of fact tone, simple, non aggressive, but assertive.

"Ignore it if you wish, Rod," Lucius shrugged, flinging his agile body onto the blue blankets of his king sized bed, 'But I know that look in Bella's eyes."

"It's the look of love, yes," I growled, "but not the kind of love I reserve for my future husband, the love that is my career, my ambition, my path to leadership, to glory, to esteem. It's the concept I love, his concept, and what he embodies, not-"

"not his actually body?" Severus snickered.

"Oh, I hate teenage boys, all you think about is sex," I snapped, grabbing a pillow from Lucius bed and hurling it at Severus face, where it collided swiftly with his cheek. He merely laughed and tossed it back on Lucius's bed, slumping into the red upholstered desk chair.

"That's not all we think about Bella, you should know that its 70% sex, and 30% power/the DEY," Roddy assured me winking and kissing my flushed cheek, "Maybe 80-20 for Severus since he can't get laid."

"You don't know the status of my sexual affairs," Severus stuck his beaked nose in the air.

"If you're calling your sex life, 'sexual affairs', you're advertising virgin, son," Roddy sniggered, "But its nawt to be ashamed of, not everything has charm like Lucius and I."

"That's hardly saying anything, you both shagged the same slag," Severus rolled his eyes, and ducked the second pillow I aimed for his face, "I jest, Bella, I jest. Good Merlin, you're a feisty one."

"You have no idea," Roddy winked again, and this time I threw a pillow at him, who retailed with tickles, which made the rest of the room cringe in disgust.

"All right, love bird, cut it out, you'll make me vomit and my house elf is busy cleaning downstairs," Lucius said, rolling his gray eyes in annoyance, "Now you can all stay one more night, if you can lay off the cutesy bullshit."

"Can do, mate," Roddy grinned, 'I can't imagine going home tonight, I don't think I'd sleep a wink. I mean, this is the start of the rest of our lives, and what timing, the first day of the new year and we make the acquaintance of the Dark Lord himself. I mean, couldn't you just feel the power emenating from him? From his eyes, from his pores, from his lips? He IS power, power in a human form. You ceen practically get high from his energy, its intoxicating, and somehoe, so impossibly.."

"Beautiful," I finished for him, "That amount of power is beautiful."

"Precisely, my love," Roddy beamed and carried on, "I mean, we have a mission, a task for us specifically from our Lord, from our hero, and he swore we'd become Death Eaters! Our futures were just cemented today, our futures have been written in blood, in stone, in the light from all the stars in the sky! Our life begins now!"

"It is rather intoxicating, the entire experience, I feel so motivated, but also with a sense of unease. Exhilarated, but anxious." Severus mused, running his long fingers through his greasy hair, sighing to himself, "What a way to start the year, what a way to start the rest of our lives."

"You lot do love to talk in endless poetry," Dolohov laughed, "Let us just rejoice in the lingering sensation of his presence. Let us recall every detail of our encounter. Let us be happy."

"Cheers!" Roddy cried in accordance, "I have my best mates, my beautiful fiancé, and my future signed away to the cause that I love. It's as if all those years I've lived, I was just waiting for this moment, waiting for this moment to arrive. And here it is and there are not words eloquent enough to express how elated I am to embrace it, each detail, each second, Merlin, it's a beautiful world. It's a beautiful world."

"It's a beautiful year," Lucius smiled from his bed, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, "Whatever each day brings, I embrace it with open arms, for we have met our Lord and in his name, we give our lives, and pledge of deaths to martyrdom, should it be necessary."

Lucius rummaged in the drawers of his desk for a moment and pulled out a bottle of champagne, before summoning glasses. We toasted to the night we met our Dark Lord. And no sip has ever been sweeter.

I wish I could express the extent of his perfection in words, but words seem so simple. Beholding him was as though I was in presence of a star, it burned out everything around it, blinding you with its effortless beauty and brilliance, illuminating any doubts or shadows, showing you the world. And indeed, he has shown me the world, and now that I have seen it, now that I have seen him I know all my years of fantasizing were nothing in comparison to this beautiful reality.

There is no limit to my love for him or to what I would do in his name. Glory is ours, I feel it inside me already, glowing like the star that the Dark Lord is to those who believe. I am so stunned I met my hero, so stunned I am engaged, so stunned school is commencing again, without those tedious Friday night detentions no less.

And we have our very own mission: to procure Slughorn's map. There is a fire inside me that will forever burn so long as the Dark Lord lives. This fire is inside my heart, and for those who claim I have none, they could not be more wrong, for it is this heart that gives me life.

Love,

Bella

January 4th.

Professor Slughorn seemed entirely thrilled when Lucius, Roddy, Dolohov, Severus and I approached him inquiring as to the time and whereabout of the next 'Slug Club' meeting.

"I am so honored you're interested, you'd never seem intruiged before!" He smiled, his booming voice full of excitement, "To have the company of talented young students such as yourselves, well I am just very, very elated you've finally come around. The meeting is tonight in fact, 8pm in my office. I can't wait to introduce you all to the other Slug club members, they'll be thrilled to meet you star pupils!"

And so, sniggering to ourselves as we walked away, "Its as easy as taking candy from a muggle," Roddy grinned as we made our way to the common room, to prepare ourselves for our very first slug club meeting.

Now, I was entirely unsure of what to expect, but rumor had it that only very talented young witches and wizards were welcome, and seeing as dear old Slughorn is head of Slytherin, one would ASSUME that means PUREBLOODS. Well, what a disappointment.

When we walked into his office, 8pm sharp, we noticed little Lily Mudblood Evans sitting besides Gideon Prewett, and Longbottom, and another girl, one with a plump face, a Gyrffindor named Alice something or other.

"Welcome my Slytherins!"Slughorn stood up, clapping his hands, and motioned the tables attention to be directed towards the 5 of us where we stood, increasingly uncomfortable before a room of relative strangers.

"Do you know every here, my new friends?"Slughorn asked, waving his fat hand over the crowded table.

"'Mostly," Lucius said curtly, survey the faces around him, "Hello, Regulus,"

"Reggie?" I beamed at my little cousin, forgetting he existed was a crime I am guilty of.

"Hello Bella, hi Lucius," He grinned. He was getting so old now, a fourth year, only two years my younger, but he was twice as tall as myself, and just as handsome as Sirius.

"Ah yes, Reggie is your cousin, Bellatrix my dear!" He grinned, "Now allow me to introduce you to his friend there, young Donald Chang of Ravencalw, his father works in the ministry, high official, you know. Also you'll see Lily Evans, top of the sixth year, besides Gideon Prewett, a two year Prefect, and Frank Longbottom, our head boy, and there charming friend Alice, her mother works at Gringrotts! Also, meet Elliot McLaggen, newphew of the minister of Magic, and Justin Wood, head of the Gryffindor Quiddich team. And finally, from Ravenclaw, Amos Diggory who achieved 12 OWLS, and Barty Crouch Junior, his father is a very high ranking member of the ministry, you know, catching dark wizards left and right, right and left!"

"Pleasure," Lucius said, his lip curling slightly.

"Now for the rest of you,"Slughorn continued, Lucius's typical hostility going unbeknownst to him, "This Lucius Malfoy, third in his year. Severus Snape, the finest potion maker I've ever known. Antonin Dolohov, with 12 OWLS., Roddy Lestrange, with 12 OWLS himself, and more ministry connections than the minister himself! And finally, this talented and stunningly beautiful little flower, is Bellatrix Lestrange, a brilliant girl with I believe 12 OWLS as well, 9 of them outstanding."

"You flatter me, sir," I said with a smug grin I couldn't help but flash at Gideon.

"Ah, and you're modest too!" He chuckled and motion to for us to sit, "Take your seats now, its supper time! This is when we all chat a bit, forge connections, get to know one another. Bellatrix, have you and miss Lily Evans ever gotten a chance to talk?"

"No, how unfortunate," I mused, not bothering to hide the sarcasm that Slughorn was sure to miss.

"That's a crime!"He looked scandalized and shook his head, his large mustache swaying, "Now Lily, meet Bellatrix, you two are the most talented witches in this school today, if you don't mind me saying. Both bright, both a bit head strong, naturally independent, and free spirited charming girls. Both as lovely as any young girl can be. It would be a crime, I say, if you were not friends!"

"I'm not sure Bellatrix likes… Gryffindors," Lily said, her green eyes locking on my own, and we both knew that when she said Gryffindors, she meant 'Mudbloods' and we both knew she was right.

"Oh pish posh," Slughorn chortled, "Bellatrix is a doll, aren't you dear?" He asked just as the food appeared, and every except Lily and I began to dig into their roast chicken and potatoes.

"Oh, I love everyone," I smiled innocently, batting my eye lashes at Evans, "It is such a common misconception that we Slytherins hold grudges against Gryffindors, I mean Sirius is my dear cousin, and Andy is my darling sister and they're both members of your delightful house, Lily! And that wonderful Ted Tonks whom Andy is with, I do adore Ted Tonks."

"Oh yes, it must be my mistake," Lily said warmly, though her green eyes had hardened and turned to ice, while Slughorn grinned merrily, entirely oblivious to the true nature of our conversation, "Because I had almost forgotten, Fabian Prewett and yourself are best friends, are you not?"

I saw Gideon nearly choke on a large bite of chicken as the words came out of Lily's lying mouth.

"Absolutely," I said, still as innocently as possible though I worried my friendly smile had become a grimace, "And I hear Severus and you are best friends too, are you not?"

"Oh yes, of course, we used to be," Lily sighed, "You know how it is, you lose touch with people, but it's marvelous seeing you Severus, I'll tell James you said hello."

Severus nearly broke the glass he was holding, but merely turned a bright shade of pink and nodded curtly.

"Why you're becoming best friends already, I knew you ladies were a match made by Merlin himself!" Slughorn giggled, his belly bouncing as he chomped hungrily on his dinner, which I picked at mindlessly, all the while never loosing Lily's glare

"Slughorn is correct, we're simply made for one another, Lily," I simpered, "You must come shopping with me sometime in Hogsmeade, it would be a treat."

"I'll do you one better, _Bella, _my darling," She replied in a voice that oozed sugar, "Why don't you come stay at my house for a bit this summer? My family are muggles, they'd love to meet you and hear all about your experiences growing up in the magical world! And you can learn a bit about muggle culture, you've never taken a muggle studies class, have you? It would be a great chance to learn something, broaden your horizon a bit!"

I wanted to strangle her pretty little neck, but instead I cleared my throat and forced a every word to be simply coated in honey, "I'd be honored, you are so hospitable! I have never taken a muggle studies course, you know, I have a bit of a full schedule, but being a muggle house, well that sure would be something. I happily accept your invitation, how fascinating your muggle upbringing must have been."

"Look at this here, you see?" Slughorn looked like a very smug old man as he went on, "Two different worlds, two different houses coming together in harmony! And they say the wizarding world is at war? These young, bright and talented woman prove that all facets of our world can combine beautifully!"

And I had to bite my tongue until I tasted blood to resist the urge to burst into a rude explosion of derisive laughter. Lily kept her face calm, but I saw her jaw twitching as well. After dinner came dessert, ice cream sundaes the size of my head, which I could barely touch, meanwhile old Slughorn is going on and on about some famous quiddish player he knows who Justin Wood should really be introduced too, and how Gideon Prewett would make a great auror, blah de blah de blah blah. I nearly fell asleep in my ice cream.

It wasn't until half through through the inane discussion over dessert than I remembered the map, and with my heart skipping a beat, remembering the beauty and aura of power of my Dark Lord. And thus my eyes left the faces of the table around me and began scanning the walls which were lined heavily with framed photographs of previous students, a former minister of magic, editor of the daily prophet, captains of famous quiddich teams, all little jewels of his strange collection. However. Above his desk in the far corner, there was a most curious map. It was of ancient parchment, fraying at its edges, and unframed, merely tacked to the wall. It was intricate and showed an array of lines and passagesways and then, somewhere on the map, somewhere in this castle, there was a blue sapphire shining on the maps otherwise mundane, bleak, surface.

"Professor," I asked when there was a lull in the very banal conversation, "What is that intriguing map you keep, over there by your desk?"

"Ah, a gift from the previous head master my curious pupil," He grinned, "You're an observant child, aren't you? It's a most intriguing item indeed. The old head master said that blue sapphire glowing there, you see it? That it marks the secret to finding the lost diadem of Ravenclaw, I trust you've all heard the story?"

There were murmurs of consent around the room.

"It can lead one to the lost diadem?" I asked, my curiosity growing, "That's so exciting, professor!"

"It's a bit trickier than merely following the map, my darling," Slughorn chuckled, "The sapphire marks the place where the diadem was last known, and if the owner of the map can uncover the map's spell, it will lead them to the secret of retrieving it, it will, give a clue to the story of Ravenclaw and her lost diadem, but this is all folklore, fascinating, yes, but true? Merlin knows!"

"You have such a wonderful collection of photographs as well, professor, your former students seem to be quite the stars," I grinned, knowing my way around the art of flattery.

"Observant once more, Bellatrix!" He beamed at me, "Yes, I have had the pleasure of teaching, knowing, and befriending some of the greatest wizards and witches of our time. Now I hope you lot will do me proud as well, you group of over achievers! But I mustn't keep you out too late, I do believe we shall call this lovely meeting to an end. But keep in mind, I am planning a most eventful Valentine's day celebration, so start thinking of dates, everyone! Now I bid you a good night and I'll see you same time in two weeks!"

And with that there was the scurrying of feet, the shuffling of hairs, and the yawning of tired students all of whom strolled towards the door way, waving bright goodbyes to their favorite, and most easily flattered professor.

"See you at my muggle house this summer?" Lily smirked once we were in the hall, tossing her long red hair over her pale shoulders, glowering at me.

"Don't talk to me outside of that room mudblood, the only way I'd be going to your house would be to do away with you and your repulsive muggle family," I snapped, perfectly aware I was threatening murder and feeling entirely justified, for I had the blessing of my Lord, and I would soon serve him, and it was he who showed me the light about the dark side of mudbloods and muggles.

"You ARE a cow, _Bella_," Lily sneered, her pretty face contorted in rage, "But if you ever threaten me again, you'll regret it, I'm not someone you can push around."

"Oh really?" I raised my eye brows and flicked my wand, shoving her into the wall, "I believe I just pushed you, honey."

"Ladies, ladies," Justin said, coming inbetween us just as Lily, who was seething, rose her wand in my direction, "Not outside his office, we don't want detention. Lily, please curse Bellatrix later, when she isn't paying attention. And by all means, make it a good one."

"Or should I say a bad one," Gideon hissed.

"Wow, look here I have myself a little fan club!" I laughed, "You Gryffindors certainly are a confrontational lot. Didn't your mothers ever teach you any manners? Well, I suppose muggles don't have any, nor do blood traitors, so I don't know why I bothered to ask. Point is, you really should learn a thing or two about politeness."

"is it hard being Hogwart's biggest bitch?" Frank Longbottom asked me, not aggressively, but curiously.

"Nope," I said simply with a grin.

"How about you all back off my girlfriend?" Roddy was grinning too, a very, very fake grin, and his wand was out, and held up towards the Gryffindors, "Not that she needs my protection, but if any of you lay a wand on my Bella-"

"You'll do WHAT, exactly, Lestrange?" Gideon challenged, "I'm not afraid of any of you."

"Why not?" Roddy sneered, "Because you're a big bad Gryffindor? Maybe if your parents knew how to be afraid when necessary they'd be alive. Shame, isn't it?"

"Not really," Lucius added, with a cruel drawl, "Tis the fate of a blood traitoring piece of scum."

"It's a good thing really," Severus chimed in brightly, "Gives them a great glimpse at their own future."

"Lovely untimely deaths, what a delight, god I wish I was a Gryffindor," Roddy snickered, "Then I could be extremely recklessly arrogant for absolutely no reason and disrespect everyone because I'm a moron. That would be a wonderful existence."

"Yes, how very lucky they are," Dolohov couldn't help but laughing as he spoke.

"Have we made our point, dear friends?" I said in a gentle voice, looking up with wide innocent eyes at Lily, Justin, Gideon, and Frank.

"Were you always crazy, or has this condition developed over time?" Lily asked me in mock concern.

"The mudblood thinks the pureblood is crazy," Dolohov sighed, "They'll just never learn, will they?"

"Ah, will a house elf ever learn to play quiddich?" Roddy asked, smirking.

"What an inane analogy. Lestrange, you're as nuts as your girlfriend," Lily rolled her eyes and stormed away.

"Listen, you group of maniacs, freaks, and in the case of Snivellus- losers," Gideon began coldly, "Slughorn and the other teachers, and the other Slytherins may think you're royalty. Lucius oh great King, and Roddy lestrange his prince with little Bellatrix his princess, but to everyone else you're scum and you're evil and we know you're headed for a life sentence in Azkaban, or perhaps death at the hands or good witches and wizards."

"If they're murdering someone, wouldn't they no longer be considered 'good'?" Roddy asked brightly, chucking as Gideon's face grew red with rage.

"Not if it is in the name of justice," He hissed.

"That, my psychoctic friend, is the only reason we would kill- in the name of justice." Roddy snapped back, and turned the corner that would lead us to our common room, grabbing my hand as he turned, Lucius, Severus, and Dolohov following.

"Sweet dreams, Gryffindors," Severus called to them, "enjoy the calm before the storm!"

"Enjoy being an ugly slimeball!" Justin called back, "And Lucius, enjoy being a greedy boring bastard!"

"And Dolohov, enjoy living life in Lucius's shadow!" Frank added, jovially, "And Roddy, enjoy being entirely and utterly out of your fucking mind"

"Oh and finally, for Bella-" it was Gideon's voice I heard last, though it was fading as their footsteps lead them away, "Enjoy being the Slytherin princess! Just remember, when you sit on your silver and green throne, with your crown of snakes, that everyone else hates you."

But all I could do was giggle, giggle so hard I had to hold onto Roddy's shoulder to stand properly.

"What's so funny?" Roddy asked, laughing himself as we reached the common room.

"When I was little," I began, catching my breath as we walked inside, and collapsed on one of the couches, while Lucius, Severus, and Dolohov stormed away, cursing about Gryffindors"I always wanted nothing more than to be a princess. So he just made my day! I'm finally a princess!"

"Congratulations," Roddy beamed, and kissed me slowly, "You're the most beautiful princess in history, my Bella."

"And you are the most handsome prince," I grinned back, leaning into his strong open arms, "I'm not offended, but merely curious, why does everyone hate us so much?"

"Because we hate them," he said simply, but paused before continuing, "And probably because we're adhering to every Slytherin stereotype, and we stand for everything the Dark Lord stands for, so not only do we hate them, but we embody everything they fear, and everything they cannot understand. Thus, hate is engineered out of thin air. It's like magic."

"Ah, handsome and brilliant, how did I get so lucky?" I teased, kissing his cheek.

"I'm the lucky one, I swear on Salazar," He whispered sweetly in my ear, and I felt my heart melt, ever so slightly, "I love that they hate us. It tells us we're doing our jobs as servants of the Dark Lord correctly. We stand tall and proud of our values and we frighten them."

"They just fail to comprehend that which seems so basic to me: dark magic is so full of light."

"Not for the mudbloods and blood traitors, not for the self-righteous and for the fools," He sighed "But really, they don't matter. Just another name on a grave stone once the Dark Lord comes to power and validates all of our causes."

"Its almost sad," I smiled, "Almost."

"And you almost pity them?" He asked, smiling and nuzzling his cheek against mine,

"Almost," I breathed, "But not nearly as much as I despise them."

"Spoken like a Death Eater," He said in a hushed voice, and then scooped me up into his arms and lead me to the stairs, where he set me down gracefully, kissing me good night, "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Roddy," I replied, and we shared a final, seemingly endless kiss before I turned to leave, and here I am, writing until my hand cramps, writing every detail.

My future seems so concrete, so exciting, this diary is the only thing that keeps me living in the present, for when I dream, it is only of tomorrow and the days to come. If it wasn't for you dear diary, all these moments would pass me by, for I never recollect on these thoughts when I do not write them, I think only of what is to come when I am of age, and I am united with my Dark Lord forever in service and in love, with Roddy, and even Lucius, Severus, and Dolohov because somewhere along the lines, they've become my three best friends.

And I am so happy I do commit all these events to words, because I would hate to think I wasted a moment of this life, that I wasted a moment I could have lived in. I want to live every moment, diary, I want to cherish them all. For this is the calm before the storm, and though I anticipate this storm with such enthusiasm, it is so sweet just to be young, and in love, and engaged in the world around me, but without danger. I would hate to waste the last moments of my youth, because now that I've met the Dark Lord things are going to speed up, diary, I can feel it already, even my heart has begun to beat faster.

Hold onto your broomsticks, and ignite your wands- a war is brewing.

Love,

Bella

Author's Notes:

I really enjoyed writing this, so I do hope you've enjoyed reading it! Please review and let me know and I'll be sure to update asap

Bella is right, things are about to start happening very quickly indeed =] I really hope you guys like my characters and that they seem believable. And I hope you love Bella, twisted as she is, as much as I do : )


	20. Dumedore's Warning

January 8th,

Most of the teachers here at Hogwarts adore me. I am, not to be entirely arrogant, rather a natural at magic. Transfiguration is my only difficult subject, and even there I "exceed expectations", thus I knew I had no academic reason to worry when Slughorn delivered me a message from Dumbledore in potions today, that summoned me to the headmasters office this very evening.

"What in Merlin's name have you done now, Bella?" Severus laughed as we brewed our draught of the living dead.

"Not a bloody thing…. Lately," I snapped, "I'm a top student, I'm like 5th highest ranking in our year."

"Maybe he wants to congratulate you on that crowning achievement, Slytherin princess," Lucius drawled, smirking to himself as he stirred his potion.

"Roddy,?" I asked turning to my fiancé, who instantly stopped snickering, and forced his smile to become a look of concern.

"Yes my Bella?" He asked, still biting his lip to keep from smirking.

"Is it normal to HATE your friends" I teased, glaring at the table around me, from Dolohov to Roddy himself, all of whom commenced laughing.

"When you have friends like these?" Roddy grinned, shrugging casually, "Absolutely!"

I couldn't help but laugh myself. "Anyway 'King Lucius', do not mock my royal title, or I shall mock yours."

"What a threat Bella, I can't believe you'd do such a thing," Lucius said feigning fear, "You're going to MOCK me? I couldn't bear it, princess, spare me, I beg of you!"

"I'm going to slip some of my potion in your evening pumpkin juice you little prat," I snapped, flicking my hair over my shoulder so it hit him in the face.

"That was a much better threat, I commend you," Dolohov chuckled.

"So if we're the prince and princess," Roddy said, motioning to he and myself, "and Sir Malfoy is our king, what the fuck does that make Sev and Dolohov?"

"Court jesters?" I offered, giggling.

"We're your highest ranking knights," Dolohov correct me, sticking his chest out in pride,

"Sure, that'll do for you, but Sev- you're the jester." Roddy sniggered.

"I think not," He said coldly, "But I don't want to be your knight either. I'll be the royal advisor."

"Yeah, you've got your wits about you, that shall do," Lucius nodded, satisfied, "Thank you dear Gryffindors for aiding us in assembling the royal court of Slytherin."

"Oh yes, they're so helpful." I rolled my eyes.

"They are," Roddy chuckled darkly, "They give us a target to torture. Everyone has their place in our kingdom, princess."

"I think the way you think, Roddy," I beamed at him, and we leaned over his cauldron and shared a brief kiss.

"Ah, young love!" Slughorn boomed as he approached our table, "And even better- Young potions masters! Excellent, every one of you! But Severus, yours is a thing of beauty. Best I've ever seen… In fact, it's the only draught of the living dead that a student has managed to produce to this level of perfection. I give you a prize, young Severus,"

"Thank you sir, er what is it?" he asked, smiling, his white teeth making his skin look extremely sallow.

"Veritiserum!" He called out and the room gasped, "Your very own truth potion. Use it wisely, or save it for later times, you never know when you'll need honesty, it can be a rarity in this day and age, my boy! Now clean up, class! Good day to you all!"

We began packing out things when Lily Evans approached the table, scowling and followed by the plump girl called Alice.

"I smell mud," Lucius commented, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Me too, its making me ill," I cringed, and leaned into Roddy's arms, "Make it go away?"

"If only I could, Bella, my love, but it persists it standing beside our table," He snorted, "Severus, you know the source of this ungodly stench, ask it what it wants."

"You're all sick freaks," Lily said casually, "I'm merely here because I heard Bella is summoned to see the headmaster."

"And why, in the name of holy Salazar, does that concern YOU?" I snapped, glaring at her from my place in Roddy's embrace.

"Because," he smiled mischievously, "I would like you to inform me what happens. We just made a bet at the Gryffindor table. I'm betting you get suspended, Gideon is betting on expelled, and Ted 's bet is you're merely interrogated."

"What the fuck would I be expelled or suspended for?" I demanded aggressively.

"What WOULDN'T you be expelled or suspended for?" Lily rolled her eyes, "Don't play innocent, the whole school knows who was behind the incident before Christmas, we all know Dolohov got suspended and had to wait a day to return and it would have been more, had his family not paid of Slughorn. We all know about the Death Eater Youth. It's common knowledge, you reckless morons, and here and now, it looks a bit like judgment day."

"Judgment day is coming, mudblood, but it won't be us who will be judged," Lucius retorted even before I could speak, "Judgment day, that glorious day of reckoning will come at your expense, not ours. This is a war, you're on the side of failure. Haven't you heard? The Dark Lord is the greatest wizard of all time."

"No," Lily shook her head fiercely, her long red hair, tangling itself, "That's Dumbledore, and he wants to see Bella. And I doubt its to wish her good luck as the Slytherin princess bitch."

"Listen Lily," I said in a whisper, leaning towards her, "Do me a favor and say hit to your muggle parents for me, because soon, they'll be gone, and you'll be in hiding, wishing you'd never crossed my path."

"Empty threats from a girl with an empty heart," She shrugged simply.

I laughed, "Empty heart?"

"I'm sorry, is it full of hate?" Fabian demanded, stepping beside Lily with his cauldron and ingreidants packed.

"Au contraire, naïve Gryffindors," I beamed at them, a genuine smile, "Its full of the love. Except, I love the things that you hate. But that doesn't mean I do not love, for I do, with all of my very full, quickly beating heart. And I appear to be the one engaged, so do not attempt to tell me that I do not love."

"You're engaged?" Fabian laughed coldly, "To who, the Dark Lord?"

"In her dreams," Lily rolled her eyes, "You and Lestrange are getting married?"

"Indeed," I said proudly, raising my chin high in the air.

"As soon as we're of age," Roddy added kissing me cheek, "Where are your fiancés? Oh yes, you have none. Perhaps it is the Gryffindors who do not love."

"I see no evidence to the contrary," I smirked.

"Who's going to be your best man, Lestrange?" Fabian sneered, "A dementor?"

"I actually don't know any dementors, so probably my brother, but gee, thanks for the suggestion." Roddy smiled sarcastically, "Anyway, we'll be sure to send you an invitation, Prewett, and you too, Evans. We will need servers after all. You can work with our house elves, you seem to have about the same IQ."

"Just do the wizarding world a favor," Lily said, turning to leave, while frowning deeply at Roddy and I, "Don't reproduce."

"Imagine their child?" Fabian said, horrified, as he too turned away, "I shudder to think of it. Dear Godric, what would they name it? Voldemort Junior?"

And I aimed at his back and hit him squarely with the tripping curse, amused as he spilled his ingredients everywhere, ruined, and his cauldron fell, cracking down the side.

"Clumsy, aren't you, Prewett?" Lucius laughed out loud, "Better watch your step, mate!"

And as he and Lily clamored to try and salvage what remained of Fabian's potions materials, he caught my eye as I passed. I leaned down and whispered, 'Don't you dare speak his name you unworthy slime ball."

"I really, and truly, think the world would be a better place if you would just, like- die," Fabian stuttered furiously, the ruins of his expensive potions ingredients in his hands.

"Uh huh," I yawned, "Cheers to you too, enjoy cleaning up,"

And just before he raised his wand to hex me, I called out "Protego!" the ever effective shield charm and dashed out of the room unharmed.

"All hail princess Bella!" Dolohov chuckled as we made our way to the library, where we intended to study until dinner.

"Merlin, what a cunt he is," Roddy shook his head, laughing to himself, "I can't wait when we meet him as Death Eaters, and he, surely, will be an auror."

"We could kill him," I realized suddenly, excitedly.

"We WILL, kill him, Bella," Lucius corrected me, with a look of smug satisfaction on his pale face, "And when we do, we can think back on all these days when he was so insistent that HE would win, that HE would be the victor. Hilarious, truly. I'd like to remind him of his arrogance before we do away with him."

"Think he'll marry the mudblood?" Dolohov wondered as we passed first years in the hallway, all of whom gasped and walked as closely to the wall as possible, while Lucius, smirking, flicked his wand and they all tripped over one another, quills and parchment flying everywhere.

"Good one, mate," Severus laughed, "And nah, Lily's going to end up with that son of a muggle Potter. Merlin, I loathe him."

"Because he calls you Snivellus?" Lucius sneered.

"No," Severus snapped impatiently, "Okay, well partly. But mostly because he is an arrogant git with no reason to have such an incredibly inflated head. He walks around like he OWNS the school when really he's an insignificant blood traitoring rat of a wizard who should avada kedavra himself if he had any dignity."

"Yeah," Roddy nodded, "And I think you should give the eulogy at his wake, you really made a touching speech just now, that sure was something."

"Let us not talk of Gryffindors any longer, I'm getting a stomach ache," I moaned, clutching my stomach in mock pain, "I want to discuss happy things. Like when our next DEY meeting is. All we discussed last time was giving everyone our account of meeting the Dark Lord, which was well and I good, but I am a woman of action-"

"I know from experience," Lucius chuckled, as Roddy elbowed him roughly in the chest, glowering as I continued.

"Anyway, you bloody perv, I am a woman who wants to take action in regards to the DEY, and I want to do it soon. We have a new years resolution, do we not? To outdo our last escapade, and that's going to take a lot of brain storming, followed by careful planning, and then decisive action, so the sooner we commence, the sooner we celebrate!"

"All right, well you have your meeting with the headmaster tonight for Salazar knows what purpose," Lucius said thoughtfully, "So tomorrow evening, spread the word. The second DEY meeting of the term will take place at 9pm, the usual room, the usual format, and the brain storming will begin."

"Beautiful," Roddy grinned, "I do love chaos."

"Then start thinking about how to make some, Roddy" Dolohov encouraged as we reached the library, ignoring the fearful glances we earned from a table of hufflepuff third years, who shrunk in their seats as we passed.

"After my charms essay, mate, my mum always reminds me 'academics before evil schemes, Rodolphulus!'"

"Does she really now?" Lucius laughed.

"Nah, mostly she just says she'll send a howler if my grades are less than perfect and to make sure I find a nice girl to marry," He said with a grin, "Lucky I have the perfect grades, because the girl I'm marrying isn't very nice."

"How dare you!" I said, a little too loudly for a library, earning a dirty look from Madame Pince.

"I don't want a nice girl," Roddy said, with a low laugh, "I want you, Bella, my twisted little princess."

"That's sweet, I think," I smirked, "Anyway, there are many, many things I would prefer to be than nice."

"Good thing," Lucius remarked casually, as he opened his transfiguration text book, "Because nice is the last attribute I'd give you."

"It's the last attribute I'd give any of us," Dolohov reminded him, "Now shut up, all of you, its homework time,"

"You sound like a Ravenclaw," I whispered digging my charms book from my bag

"and you sound like a brat, get to work," he teased, and we fell into silence.

I was worried, all through my essay, about this meeting with Dumbledore. I couldn't possibly be linked to the incident we titled Operation Devastation, could I? No, I had escaped, it couldn't be. All the other rules I'd broken in the last 6 years kept running through my head, and I was practically shaking with anxiety after dinner when the time for my meeting approached. I bid Roddy a nervous farewell as I headed towards the office alone.

He was waiting for me outside the statue that lead to his head quarters, smiling slightly over his half moon spectacules. I felt an unexpected rush of affection for him, perhaps it was due to the fact, that he, like the Dark Lord, seemed to emit power. But he also emitted kindness, that even for my cold heart, was hard to ignore.

"Won't you come inside, Miss Black?" He said after whispering the password to the statue which opened us to a winding staircase that lead to a grand office, the walls lined with portraits of the former head masters, the floor carpeted in some intricate design, brightly varnished mahogany desks were covered with delicate silver intriuments that must have cost foruntes, and Dumbledore's desk was immense, behind it was a wide window with a glorious view of the grounds, the silver surface of the half frozen lake, the snow capped mountains in the distance, and the clear dark sky above us, glittering with stars.

He motioned for me to be seated in the comfortable upholstered chair before his desk, which I did delicately, twiddling my hands, my anxiety peaking. What had I done?

"Good evening, Miss Black, how are you tonight?" He asked benevolently as he took his own seat behind his desk, and for some unholy reason I wanted to reach out to this powerful, kind, sage old man. But I knew there was far more than a large polished desk in between us. So much more.

"I'm fine, thank you," I said swallowing uncomfortably, "May I ask, er, what is the reason for this appointment, sir? "

"I wish to inquire about a certain undercover organization that has been rumored to operate under your command," He explained, sounding not accusatory, but curious, "Well, under the command of Mister Lucius Malfory, and yourself. Now, not that Hogwarts forbids student groups, clubs, or study groups, but the rumor is that this particular group is one of a darker nature. It is said to be called 'The Death Eater Youth'. Such a club would glorify the murders and crimes committed by Lord Voldemort, and therefore would be advised to disband immediately in order to evade repercussions for their naiveté. Now, does any of this sound familiar to you?"

"No," I replied, and thinking of occulmency, I kept my mind blank, thinking of my charms essay. Remembering each topic sentence word for word as we locked eyes and I could have sworn he could see through me.

"If this is something you are familiar with, Miss Black, I would like to explain something to you," He said slowly, "The Dark Arts do have a certain appeal to them for many, many young witches and wizards, many of whom have very little talent, and many, who, like yourself, possess a great deal of talent. Their intrigue and mystery is fascinating, but do not be fooled by gilded dreams. The Dark Arts, are in fact Dark."

"I know, sir," I said politely, my mind on charms, only on charms homework.

"The people Voldemort kills, and do do not trick oneself into believe they are not people, have familes just as you do. They have a mother and a father-"

And I thought to myself, 'not if they're the prewetts' and had to bit back a smile,

"They have friends, loved ones. Imagine how you could feel if someone killed your fiancé, Mr. Lestrange, simply because he is a pureblood, a nameless, faceless embodiment of a prejudice. Wouldn't that break your heart, Miss Black? You cannot think of people as merely stereo-types, or as symbols of a certain idea, because then they cease to become people, and then one can justify murder."

"Ah" I nodded and cleared my throat entirely unsure of what to say. He didn't understand the people we intend to kill- they ARE JUST stereo-types, they are JUST symbols, they are the arche types of the flaws in the society. If they feel love and pain, that's their business, but its for the great good, it's the right thing, and it is what the Dark Lord believes, and how could he, in all his immense power, be incorrect? No, this wise old man was fooled by kindness, tricked by idealism. He was so weak for someone so very powerful.

"I can only hope you are understanding me, Miss Black," His eyes looked sad now, and they were such a lovely shade of blue, reminiscent of summer skies, or calm lake waters. I felt his tragedy, felt his heart pour out, but my mind was set. I tried to think of charms. I tried so very intently. Charms, charms, charms. Summoning charms, enlarging charms, shrinking charms, coloring charms, Charms, I told myself, charms.

"No, Professor, I understand" I managed to say, biting my lip and thinking of healing charms, levitating charms, bubble head charms…

"I find, Miss Black, that when someone says 'No' before 'I understand' they are only half listening and do not fully understand at all."

"Then- yes, I understand" I corrected myself a little impatiently.

"I do not believe I am getting through to you, allow me to share with you a memory?'

"A memory, sir?" I furrowed my brows, "Like, from a pensive?"

"Precisely." He pulled the strange creation where one stores their memories out from a cabinet, its silver contents whirling.

"What, may I ask, is this memory of?" I asked tentatively.

"Of the world under the reign of another evil wizard, Grindelwald." He said somberly, and then encouraged me forward and we plunged our heads into the misty silver depth of the cauldron esque contraption and suddenly we were falling, and where we landed was another world, another time.

The aged Dumbledore and I stood before an auburn haired Dumbledore, a fairly handsome man, perhaps in his late twenties, or early thirties, and beside him was a crying woman, a pretty girl with long blonde hair, and she was whimpering loudly, into the younger Dumbledore's suit vest.

"He killed my husband and my only son, Albus!" She whaled miserably, "I have nothing! I wish he had killed me too! We are muggle borns, but we are PEOPLE. We are MAGICAL! We feel pain, we feel love, we are exactly the same except I have lost my family to murder. Why? Why must I bear this suffering? My son was two, he was two years old…"

And in a moment we were hurled back into his office, the woman and the younger Dumbledore behind in the peneisive and that is where I intended to leave them.

"What do you think?" He inquired as he restored the penisive to its rightful place within one of the cabinets behind his desk.

"Sad," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you think that is right?" He asked, not aggressively, but assertively, "Do you think that is justified?"

"No," I lied, forcing eye contact, and listing every charm I could remember in my head.

"Did you sympathize with the woman, or with those who murdered her family?" He pressed.

"Sir, I sympathized with the widow," I insisted, growing impatient, and wanting to shout my justifications to this weak old man, to make him understand what seemed to me to be so self evident. The woman's family was unworthy. The woman's family was a detriment to the entire wizarding race. The woman's family had no names, no faces; they were the embodiments of ideas. Bad, bad ideas, that must be eradicated, but he could never bear to listen to this, he would never understand. Only the Dark Lord, only the DEY, only those with true blood and true hearts understood, saw clearly through the propaganda of the losing side, of the weak, of the poor, of the talentless, of the ignoble.

"Would you like to know what happened to Grindelwald's followers when he fell?" Dumbledore asked, all too knowingly, and I cursed myself for my breach in my thoughts of charms homework.

"If you would like to tell me, professor," I tucked my hair behind my ears and licked my lips nervously. Charms homework, Bella, charms, I kept trying to remember, to focus.

"They're in Azkaban. Well, most of them are dead. Died to the dementors, died screaming out their hearts and souls to an endless sea of emptiness and despair. Not a fun future for bright young witches and wizards, is it?"

And what would he suggest a better future be? Death as a blood traitor? Marrying a mudblood? Disgracing my family, my name, my honor, my dignity, my pride, my friends, those who I love? The causes I champion? The ideals I adore? I'd take death as a martyr over life as traitor.

"There is a time, Miss Bellatrix," Dumbledore sighed heavily, "Where one must look in the mirror, behind the physical reflection and see who they are, what they believe, what they are inside, what they are comprised of. And there is a time, when you can look back at the path you've chosen… and backtrack. They say you can never go home again, but you can build a new home, a new version, you are never stuck in your ways, or in your choices, especially as a youth."

"I know, sir," I said, my mind now intently recalling today's lecture on human transfiguration.

"There is a saying, and it goes 'promise me life, and I'll confess the truth'," Dumbledore went on, still staring directly into my blank eyes, "I am promising you life Bellatrix, if you are to confess the truth."

"You already know the truth, sir," I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes, "I have nothing to confess. And I promise myself life."

"You can be clever, young Miss Black, but try to also be wise." He sighed, and as though he sensed me growing bored of his lectures, clichés, and quotes, he stood and motioned for me to stand as well, extending his hand in kindness, shaking my own warmly.

"The door, or rather the statue, to my office, is eternally open to all who seek advice, help, or a place to calmly reflect on their charms homework."

I blushed as I broke away from our handshake and awkwardly smiled, "I thank you, sir, for your time,"

"Good evening, Miss Black." He said, and I could sense the disappointment ringing so sadly in his aged voice.

"Good evening, professor," I said politely and stopped at the doorway, wanting to offer him some small token of respect in return for his misguided kindness, "You could call me, Bella, professor, Everyone calls me Bella. I wouldn't mind, I do prefer it in fact."

"Good night, Bella," He smiled as I waved farewell and hurried down the stair well, running my fingers through my hair.

I sighed deeply, feeling frustrated. Why did he have to waste his time attempting to pollute my mind and my values? Why were some people, despite talent, so entirely delusional? Why were so many people so very wrong? It was irritating to the point of anger. I slammed my fist into a wall in passing, wishing there was some scurrying first year off the the library whom I could take out this frustration on.

It was as though he was THREATENING me with Azkaban. I'm not doing to fucking prison. I'm going to be a heroine. I am a warrior. I serve the greatest wizard in the bloody world, and I am not a criminal, I am warrior for justice, for purity, and the only bloodshed, will be in the name of the ignoble, and the impure, and the downright foolish and I am not to be blamed for doing what is right, for serving my master, for serving the greater good.

Nonsense, such nonsense from such a revered wizard. It infuriates me how clouded his vision is, and why he decided to pawn all this useless knowledge, propaganda, and emotional ploys for pity on me, is beyond my knowledge, but I am positively irate.

I don't give a damn about some mudblood who lost her family Merlin knows how many decades ago.

And yet, the images refused to leave my mind. So I summoned firewhiskey, grabbed Roddy and ran off with him to the green hallway where we drank and made love until I couldn't think about anything anymore.

And when I go to sleep this evening, I will think solely of charms, recounting every lesson from the past 6 years in my head if I bloody well have to, because Dumbledore will pollute my mind no longer, his visions will infuriate me no more, haunt me never again.

If I run out of charms lessons, I'll go to history of magic, or count hippogriffs flying over a fence, just anything but that damn conversation. Why must people fight the inevitable? Why must people be delusioned? It's a twisted world, diary, its all mixed up, and all I am trying to do is FIX IT.

And yes, somehow I appear to be the bad guy.

What a foolish, beautiful, twisted world. I'm going to reflect on charms and hopefully succumb to sleep. That would be a delight.

Good evening,

Love,

Bella

January 10th,

Dear diary,

Before the meeting today I thought I'd get some work done in library, I know how innocent of me, but I am still a student. And I thought I'd go alone to try and get some work done with commentary from my extremely talkative friends. I spent two hours there before I had entirely succumbed to boredom and it was then, on my way out the door, when Lily Evans passed me, and in a split second, I really couldn't say why, but we both stopped and stared at each other with loathing behind our eyes, and I felt my heart beat grow faster, with hatred.

"Hi mudblood," I snapped coldly, "What do you want?"

"I want this all to stop," she sighed, the hatred mostly gone from her voice, which sounded merely… tired.

"Pardon?" I furrowed my brows, shaking my head in confusion.

"Your efforts in your stupid Death Eater Youth have… motivated my friends into actions that I believe are below them."

"Actions, such as?" I pressed, my mouth falling open in surprise.

"Look, I despise you," Lily breathed disgustedly, "But this has gone on long enough, you might as well know this much. My friends have assigned themselves… a target…"

"A target?" I laughed, "Like, each of your friends I targeting one of my friends? To do what? Reprimand them?"

"Not to reprimand you lot of mentalists, they want revenage, they want to hurt or humiliate you or something," She sighed angrily, "And I think its all wrong. Just stop bothering them, and maybe they'll stop bothering you. There is enough hatred and violence in the world, why must we create more within a school, a safe place? I want it to stop!"

"Who is targeting who then?"I demanded, ignoring her pacifist ramblings.

"James is targeting Severus," She sighed, "Sev and I, well… we don't talk anymore, he's too involved in your psycho club, but I don't want him hurt. Just tell him to watch out."

"Watch out for what?"I laughed, "Is Potter going to throw his broomstick at him?"

"Look, take me seriously," She pleaded, growing annoyed, "I'm trying to do the right thing here. Listen when I say they've had enough with your club, with all your antics. Gideon is targeting your dear Lucius, Frank is on Lestrange, Sirius is on Dolohov, and well-"

"Let me guess," I drawled, rolling my eyes, "Fabian is targeting me? And you and Tonks refused to participate in something so…. Slytherin."

"Yes, well no one ever said you were stupid," Lily shrugged, clutching her books closer to her chest.

"What do they say, Evans?" I smirked, fully able to imagine the adjectives they would choose.

"Well, you curse everyone weaker than you in the goddamn hallways, so they say you're a bitch." Lily began, glowering at me with her almond shaped green eyes, "You hate anyone who isn't a pureblood maniac, so they call you prejudice. You pretended to date Gideon to get to Fabian, and you immediately got engaged to Lestrange after being Lucius's play thing for 5 years, so they say you're a slut. And you co-founded the Death Eater Youth, so they call you a psycho, and a future murder. But no one has ever called you stupid, and no one has ever called you ugly. I wish you were one of those things; you'd be a lot less dangerous. And a lot less arrogant."

"Yes, yes, what a shame," I rolled my eyes, "You know if you were on the other side of this war, and not a pacifist, filthy mudblood, you'd be a good friend. See, I usually despise other girls because they're weak. You're impure, you're delusional, you're a bit of a bitch yourself, but you aren't weak. Shame, everything else about you is horrid."

"Cheers, Bella," She sneered, emphasizing my nickname.

"You insist on calling me Bella with your mudblood tongue?" I snickered.

"I'll call you whatever I please." She smirked, "Now go fuck yourself, Bella, I've said what I had to say."

"Cheers. Lils," I snapped, turning from her and storming away, realizing I was slightly late for the DEY meeting.

When I arrived all eyes were on me and Lucius motioned for me to take my usual seat on the desk.

"And you are 5 minutes late, because?" Lucius asked as I sat beside him, waving at Roddy who grinned back.

"Busy getting valuable information from none other than Lily Mudblood Evans," I noticed Severus open his eyes wider than normal, and his gaze was intently focused forward as I spoke, "Apparently her wee Gryffindor friends have gotten all desperate and pathetic and decided to 'target' certain members of this organization. Namely, Potter targets Sev, Frank Longbottom targets Roddy, my loser cousin Sirius is on Dolohov, Gideon is after you, Lucius, and as for mself, Fabian is still a bit revenge sick."

"Why did the mudblood spill the bertie botts beans on their little plan?" Rosier questioned, skeptically.

"Because she's all blah, blah, blah I hate aggression, lets be friends even though I hate you blah, blah, im a pacifist mudblood, blah, de blah-"

"We get it, Bella," Lucius cut me off, laughing slightly, "Now this is quite simply solved in my opinion. We target them back. Everyone heard who they're being targeted by? Well, you go after them with more force and aggression than a pathetic Gryffindor can summon. "

"What if we double up?" Rosier chimed in, "I'm sick of watching and planning. I want action."

"Hire a whore," Lucius advised dismissively.

"I can't, Bella is engaged," He sneered and as I reached forward to curse him, Lucius snatched my wand warm and glared me down. Rolling my eyes, I pocketed my want and flicked off Rosier, who looked very smug, until Roddy flicked his want and suddenly Rosier's desk was overturned and he was moaning in a decent amount of pain on the floor with a desk on top pf him. Impatiently, Lucius flicked up the desk, and the dizzied Rosier, glowering at Roddy all the while.

"In spite of my personal opinion of Rosier," Roddy began before Lucius could reprimand him for his desk flipping, "which is that he's a little scumbag, I think he's right. Two Slytherins targeting every Gryffindor with the nerve enough to challenge US, the fucking Death Eater Youth. Let's make sure they realize who they're dealing with. And two on one seems like a good idea."

"Fine," Lucius agreed after thinking a moment, "But I'm assigning everyone,"

"Unless we veto it, dictator Malfoy," Roddy agreed, smirking.

"I don't care who vetos what, my word is final, I'm president," he insisted, sounding a bit childish, "So Roddy, you and Rosier can go against Longbottom together."

"For fucks sake," Roddy sighed, glaring at Rosier.

"Hey buddy," Rosier laughed.

"May I continue or would you two like to carry on?" Lucius sneered at the two frenemies.

"I'm quite finished," Roddy assured him.

"Delightful," Lucius drawled in a tone that illustrated his boredom, "Now, Alecto Carrow, you're with Dolohov, and Amycus Carrow, you're with Severus. Rookwood, you'll be working with myself against Gideon Prewett, head boy aka head blood traitor. And Barty Junior, how about you assist Bellatrix against mister Fabian Prewett?"

There was a loud uproar of consent and excitement before Lucius called the meeting back to order, "Now as for the matter of procuring the map, I've decided we must wait until Slughorns annual end of term party, he will be intoxicated, and it will leave him no time to search our rooms. And as for outdoing operation devastation, I think we should handle this targeting business first. I will allow the pairs to work out their own strategies, if any of you imbeciles can't figure out some simple humiliation, just ask myself or Bellatrix, its probably our expertise. Thus, our meeting is dismissed, leaving in fives in five minute intervals, and have a lovely evening, my future Death Eaters."

The members lined up at the door, yawning and happily discussing the odds and tactics everyone should be using on their targets.

'Barty caught up with me while I stood with Roddy, kissing him eagerly and berating Lily Evans at length.

""When should we do our planning, Bella?" Junior asked brightly, he looked so enthusiastic I had to smile at him.

"Tomorrow the planning begins,"I assured him, "And let's just say this- Fabian Prewett is going DOWN."

"Here, here!" Junior grinned

And tonight, as I lay in bed, waiting to feel even remotely sleepy, I can just imagine how sweet every second of revenge against Fabian Prewett will be, because his pain will be my happiness.

And before I laid in bed tonight, I saw a star.

And I wished for glory.

Love,

Bella


	21. Target Practice

January 10th,

Dear Diary,

Barty and I took a walk around the quiddich pitch yesterday, a lovely Saturday afternoon, during the Slytherin's practice. It was Lucius's suggestion, assuring we wouldn't be overheard. And indeed, seeing as it was well below freezing, no other students ventured to the quiddich pitch to support the Slytherin's shivering practice session.

Barty Junior's face was red from the cold, both of our breaths were visible in the frigid air, as we hugged our cloaks tightly around his, adorned in mittens, scarves, and hats, all of green and silver for me, and of yellow and black for Junior, his Hufflepuff paraphernalia.

"So how do you think Fabian will strike?" Junior asked, and I tried to distract myself from the January air.

"Recklessly and aggressively," I smirked, thinking of all I knew about Fabian's character, "Without wit, but with force."

"So our counter should contain a certain degree of cleverness, that mister Prewett does not possess?"

"I do not believe he lacks the capabilities to be clever, but he will not use them against me, he is too fueled by emotion, and thus, yes, I believe we need to be clever, but also forceful, just as forceful as he will surely be. We must match his aggression and outwit him. "

"Brilliant and bold, gotcha," Junior grinned, "So, any suggestions?"

"I'd like to make him suffer, but physical pain will just lead him into some sort of delusional belief in his own martyrdom, thus we must humiliate him." I strategized, and then added, with a smirk as cold as that winter day, 'Badly."

"Beautiful," He nodded as we circled the pitch, the players shouting words to one another yards above us, but their specific words were lots in the c old wind, their brooms whizzing above, Lucius, the captain, seemed to be responsible for the majority of the shouting.

"I think, since Gryffindors believe themselves to be so brave, it would be quite fun to make him look like a coward," I was snickering now.

"How?" Junior inquired eagerly as his teeth began to chatter.

"Let's make him look like a chicken," I was beaming, envisioned the humiliation in his eyes.

"I don't follow," Junior replied, shaking his head puzzled.

"Flobberworm jelly and hippogriff feathers," I grinned, "He'll look like a chicken! And I have both of those things in my potions kit, I don't mind using them for a good cause, I can steal some of Roddy's materials in class if need be."

"Beautiful," Junior said again, grinning with me this time, "Truly beautiful. From a lion to a chicken. Merlin, I love it. We should do it in the Great Hall, so everyone sees."

"Even better," I grinned wickedly, "The quiddich game tomorrow. Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. Before the match, because he is a chaser, is he not?"

"He is indeed," Junior nodded, "And a very mediocre one at that."

"Irrelevant, but good anyway," I laughed, "Now, when he goes to shake hands with the ravenclaw chaser, we're going to be sitting in the front row, right behind where the plays line up. I'll summon the bucket of flobberworm jelly we'll have set up behind the stands to rise and dump on him, and you'll summon the bag of feathers, a second later, which will be hidden in the same place to rise and pour all over him. Not only will the entire school see him humiliated, he'll be thrown off and play terribly. And I bet that the Ravenclaws will be laughing with us, the whole school will be. Even the Gryffindors won't be able to help but snigger. Some lion, they'll whisper, giggling, looks more like a chicken to me."

"He'll also entirely lose his cool," Junior was chuckling menacingly now, "He'll go mental, he'll probably get disqualified from the match, and then Ravenclaw will really love us. This is the best plan ever. I can't wait. This is going to be amazing."

"Entirely amazing," I agreed, "Now let's get out of this awful weather and set up the bags. And summon some butterbeer, because I am simply frozen. I'm an icicle."

"Me too," He laughed and we walked quickly across the snow dusted grounds, together, cackling at our ingenious operation.

Thus we finished our preparations, and our butter beers, and awaited anxiously for today to arrive, for it brings with it such wonderful hope, such wonderful anticipation.

At breakfast, Junior sat with Roddy, Lucius, Sev Dolohov and I, as we explained, in excited tones, every detail of our brilliant plan. They seemed pleased as they sipped their coffee and orange juice, and suddenly, the Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw quiddich match became a lot for interesting for Slytherin.

As we left breakfast, early to ensure our required seats, we couldn't help but notice the hisses coming from the Gryffindor table. And I couldn't help but smile at them. It was game time.

The air was freezing, but I barely noticed as we sat down, watching the rest of the school stroll along the snow dusted grass and climb into seats, yawning, and cheering, clapping, and booing, waiting for the players to emerge from the locker room, shake hands, and let the game begin.

But our game had already began, Junior and I, sitting side by side, had our wands clutched tightly in our hands, placed on our laps, against our cloaks, ignoring the wind that tussled our hair and sent chills through our body, for I had a fire inside to warm me, the fire of victory.

The players emerged onto the frosted field to an onslaught of cheers and jeers. And Junior and I locked eyes and nodded. The two teams approached one another, and I flicked my wand, mumbling something beneath my breathe that only Junior could here, and he too, flicked his wand, and murmered and inaudible incantantion and out of nowhere a brown bucket of flobberworm jelly rose into the sky, and every player looked up in surprise, and then it emptied its contents on Fabian Prewett, who was still stunned when a brown bag of hippogriff feathers rose immediately after the jelly, and it too poured itself onto Fabian, covering his face, robes, hair, broom- everything with feathers. And thus, he was jellied and feather, on the snowy pitch in front of the entire school. The Slytherins were the first to laugh, unable to contain it, but the Ravenclaws, hungry for victory joined in. And once half the school was laughing, how could the Hufflepuffs help themselves? They held no loyalty to Fabian Prewett, and they too dissolved into chuckles. The Gryffindors began shouting in outrage, and Madame hooch rushed forward to Fabian who looked entirely stunned, but after he shook his head, and exactly what had happened dawned on his face, he turned towards the Slytherin side of the field and screamed.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU DISGUSTING SNAKES IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?"

We only laughed louder as Madame Hooch tried to contain him, before deciding he was too unstable to play and sent him to the infirmary for a good cleaning up and a calming draught. Furiously, and fecklessly, plucking feathers off his jellied robes, he stormed off the field, and the Gryffindors substiturted him with Nigel Jordan, their reserve chaser and the quiddich match commenced. It was the Slytherins who were the last to stop laughing, for well after Fabian stalked away, looking menacingly irate, we were retelling and re acting the glorious moment when the lion became a chicken. It was the least boring game of quiddich I've ever had the pleasure to attend. Junior, Roddy, Lucius, Sev, Dolohov, and I were still chortling as we headed for lunch after the game, and for the first time I felt as though I had truly BEATEN Fabian Prewett. I had equaled the humiliation he had inflicted on me, I had made me him feel defeated. And they say hurting others will not make you feel better.

Well I don't know who these people are who spread these lies, but they're crazy. I'm incredibly happy, and it is all thanks to Fabian's misery.

"Did you SEE his face?" Roddy was sniggering loudly as we exited the great hall after lunch passing by the rest of the Gryffindor team, "He looked like a chicken, a very angry chicken!"

"You know, I really think the look suited him," Lucius drawled, making eye contact with Gideon and Justin Wood as we crossed their paths and exited into the hallway.

"You two were the first to strike, I pity the rest of us who have to top that," Dolohov laughed, "I am very impressed."

"We all are, that was brilliant," Roddy beamed, "But now, we've set the broom in motion, and we should all be extra careful. This is the beginning of a little game I like to call… target practice."

"We have our targets," Lucius smiled coldly, "Let's grab our teammates and practice."

And that was how the great target practice war began.

Love,

Bella

January 13th,

Dear Diary,

The war within the corridors and classrooms of Hogwarts is in full swing.

At Dinner the evening after the quiddich match, James, underhandedly cursed Severus with a most unusual curse. He cursed him into the outfit of a clown. With clown make-up. Clown hair. Clown shoes. The entire hall, even the Slytherins couldn't help but laugh as he swore loudly and rushed to exit in the hallway fuming.

It was at breakfast the next day when James was cursed into a bright pink dress, embellished with lace and frills galore, bright red lipstick, purple eye shadow and high heels. He furiously cursed Snape's teeth into growing rapidly, who returned the favor by forcing James to tap dance in his lovely new ensemble. The two of them were given a 4 hour long detention with McGonagall.

Though their antics were of course, humiliating and effective, it was NOTHING compared to yesterday morning's events. Lucius and Amycus convinced a house elf in the kitchen that Dumbledore wanted to give Gideon Prewett a special drink because he had a cold, and this would certainly cure him.

It was a special drink all right. The moronic house elf slipped Gideon a love potion.

Gideon stood up at breakfast, quite abruptly, spilling the rest of his potion after only a couple innocent gulps, and searched frantically, his eyes grazing up and down the Slytherin table, until they came to a halt and his handsome mouth burst into a smile.

"Severus Snape!" He exclaimed, aoration eteched in every syllable, and I spit out my orange juice I was laughing so hard, "I love you. You are, the most handsome man at Hogwarts. Forget this Slytherin versus Gryffindor war, let's bring everyone together, let's just be together. Severus, please, I love you!"

"Ew," Severus scowled, and then whispered, furiously to Lucius, "You said you'd make him fall in love with Hagrid if I brewed you a strong love potion you fucking liar!"

But Lucius was too busy laughing too reply. Indeed, most of the hall was absorbed into laughter.

"Who would dare laugh in the face of love?" Gideon challenged furiously, while Fabian and Justin grabbed each of his arms, pulling him out of the great hall.

"Stop it you bloody gits, I want to be with Severus Snape!"He screamed at them as they dragged him away, "Sev, Sev, I love you! I am in love with you!"

"You do not love him, you've been jinxed or something!"Fabian tried to yell in fury, but the laughter of the rest of the hall drowned out his attempts at damage control. Gideon wasn't helping, still screaming of his love for Severus as they finally managed to drag him into the corridor outside and presumably to Madame Pomfrey.

"That was brilliant!" I choked, laughing so hard I clutched my stomach, "Loved every second of it!"

"Why me?" Severus demanded, furiously, "Haven't I been humiliated enough?"

"It was an honor, old boy," Roddy snorted, "No one is laughing at you, they're laughing at nutty Gideon Prewett. Great love potion, by the way, you've got talent, Sev."

"yeah, and it was used against me," he snapped, folding his skinny arms across his chest.

"Lighten up," Lucius drawled, "All is fair in love and war."

"And this is certainly war," Dolohov nodded in agreement.

"Hey, if you ask Gideon Prewett, this is love too," Roddy snickered, and we all became absorbed in laughter again, while Severus rolled his eyes and focused on finishing his pancakes and eggs.

It was at this time, I believe, that they remainder of the school who was not caught up in target practice, became aware that something had snapped between the DEY and the Gryffindors we like to call the Order of the Pigeons. The school had watched our growing vendetta blossom into open hostility and we could hear murmurs of betting on who would ultimately win, who who's pranks were funnier. It seemed the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws began to ANTICPATE our assaults on one another, and to be fair, they had become rather amusing. It was a war of dignity now, not violence, a war of pride. And if Slytherins and Gryffindors protect anything, it is their pride.

It was at dinner later that same day when Sirius simply walked over to Dolohov when the teachers weren't looking and punched him hard in the face.

"You're not worth wasting magic on, Death Eater scumbag," He laughed but before he walked away Dolohov disarmed him.

"YOU'RE the waste of magic, Sirius Black, and if you want to fight like a muggle you don't deserve a wand."

And with that, James leaped over the table, disarming Dolohov, and with that Dolohov raced forward punching Sirius in the face, and finally when the teachers looked over, everyone smiled., and put their hands in their pockets, my foul cousin and dear Dolohov both bleeding from their noses and James tossing each of them their wands, whistling to himself innocently.

"What just occurred here?" McGonagall shouted furiously.

"I don't remember," Sirius shrugged, wiping the blood from his nose with his sleeve.

"Me either," Dolohov said dismissively, sitting back down to dinner.

"I'm just passing by!" James said quickly as McGonagall fixed her glare on him.

"Fine!" She threw up her hands in frustration and retreated to the staff table.

"This isn't over," Sirius whispered to Dolohov as the Great Hall watched the pair of them anxiously.

"It hasn't even begun," Dolohov shot back as Sirius and James strolled away as though nothing had happened and Lucius fixed Dolohov's broken and bloodied nose.

"Muggle dueling seriously?" Roddy laughed heartily, "I mean, they aren't squibs, I would expect better from a house elf."

"Just goes to show you their utter desperation," Lucius smirked.

"My nose hurts," Dolohov commented, scowling.

"Better than your pride, my friend," I smiled, "We're winning and they know it."

"How could we not win?" Roddy chuckled, "They're trying to act and think like us. Well, except Sirius, he's acting like a muggle with a mental disorder, but that's Sirius for you. Anyway, the harder they try to think like us, the easier it is for us to see right through them, strike, and emerge victorious as always. You do not fight fire with fire. They'll see. The whole bloody school will see."

"I must confess," Severus said, his voice smooth, "I do wonder what Gideon, Longbottom, and Fabian have in store for the three of you. They haven't made a move yet."

"If I thought they were smarter, I'd say they'd given up," Roddy smirked, "But we know better. They're probably waiting for the right moment. They're particularly vindictive. I'm curious as to what they're planning as well. But I'm far from concerned. "

"I concur," I nodded, rubbing my head, "But I wish they'd hurry, I do hate waiting. Patience is not one of my virtues."

"We're well aware, Bella," Lucius laughed, "But give them just a little longer. I doubt its one of their virtues either."

"Gryffindor's don't have virtues," Roddy laughed, "They have dirty blood and bad tempers."

And to that, we toasted.

Today was a most curious day, however, because though no open displays of aggression have been visible, I can feel it brewing, bubbling just below the surface, in the way Fabian looked at me during dinner, not with the usual dramatic loathing, but with a smug sort of rudimentary dislike. As though he knows something I don't know. And clearly, he must.

And Pettigrew, that fat nobody who follows around Potter and Sirius has been acting most… strange. He has been hovering around us, asking "what's going on, guys?"as though he is the world's poorest spy. But no one, not even that moron, can be that pitiful at spying, so when we curse him we do it in the manner that people swat flies, for if he is indeed spying, he has zero information, and if he's up to something else, well, I can't imagine what it would be, other than his general existence being generally annoying.

I rest with unease tonight, and I am sure this is just what Prewett wanted, a nervous Bella. Bastard.

I refuse to succumb to any sort of anxiety. I will get a GREAT night of sleep, no blood traitor will disrupt my contented rest. But I hate him so, so much. It's almost as annoying as love, this acute hatred. I wish I could jelly and feather him every day, bring his deflated head down another notch every day. But in the meantime, I wait, for I know he is furious, and I know he knows…I know he knows I was behind the incident at the quiddich match, and I know he hates me as much as I hate him. And I know all is fair in love and war. And I know this is war.

And it is all these things I know, all these facts, that torment me as I try to sleep.

Because when you know as much as I know, you know a storm is brewing.

Let it please hit Fabian harder than it hits me.

Love always,

Bella

January 15th,

Dear Diary,

Are you curious as I was, as to Pettigrew's motives in following us about like a lost pigmy puff?

He was seeing if we noticed Fabian's presence near us. Fabian's presence in an invisibility cloak. When he realized we noticed nothing, when Fabian realized we noticed nothing, he began carrying out his plan.

So it appears, he followed Roddy and I after dinner last night. We went to the green hallway, not to have sex even, just to talk, to be alone, to be one within each other, because you see sometimes two people can be complete without the rest of the world.

So Roddy and I leave dinner, hand in hand, bidding farewell to our friends at the entrance to the Slytherin common room, and we made our way along the dungeon corridors until we found the hallway where the torches burned green,

"I'm exhausted," I complained, slumping onto the floor with Roddy's hand still in mine. He pulled me into his arms gently, "You're so comfortable. I can't wait until we live together and instead of falling asleep every night to Carla blabbing on and on about how cute Adonis Flint is, I can fall asleep on your chest, listening to your heart beat, your breathing."

"I can't wait either, Bells," He kissed my cheek, "I've been waiting all my life to be with you forever."

"Not possible, you met me when we were 11, so at most you've been waiting since then," I smirked up at him, as he caressed my hair.

"Okay, okay," He laughed as I nuzzled my head deeper into the crest of his shoulder, "I've been waiting since I was 11 for you. For you and I to be together forever."

"I promise forever," I whispered softly.

"Oh, I know," He grinned satisfied, "Hence why you're wearing the engagement ring."

"Don't get smug with me, I'll hex you," I teased.

"Which hex will you perform?" he inquired, amused.

"An engorging charm to your head, so it matches you fat ego," I giggled, and squirmed as he tickled me in response.

"No tickles," I said sternly, "That's not nice."

"When are you ever concerned with what's 'nice'?" He chuckled, as we resumed our cuddling position, with the cease fire of the tickling.

"Um," I paused, laughing slightly, "Well, never."

"Precisely, my love," He laughed, "So is what Dumbledore said still bothering you?"

"I refuse to allow myself to think about it," I sighed, "But clearly it bothers you, or why would you have brought it up?"

"What bothers me is that he only talked to you," Roddy chuckled, "Why doesn't Lucius deserve a lecture? He's the damn president. Its like, you're taking all the heat for the DEY, and that's unfair. Let Dumbledore interrogate me, not my beautiful."

"I gave nothing away." I assured him.

"I'm not doubting you, Bells, you misunderstand," He insisted, "I'm just really furious that Dumbledore is harassing you for doing what's right. He's such an old fool. What a waste of incredible talent."

"That's what I kept thinking," I sighed, "I know he wanted me to feel sad about some lady who lost her family to Grindelwald or whoever, and I know he wanted me to feel scared of Azkaban, or scared of being uncovered in the DEY, but really, all I felt was that his life was a tragedy because he picked the losing side. I felt sad he was so delusional, sad he was wasting his brilliance on the impure and unworthy, how useless, right? And I also felt angry, angry he was against everything I believe in, and trying to fill my head with endless propaganda. Funny thing, he was like 'All the blood traitors have parents, you know, you're killing someone's children.' And all I could think was 'Not if you're the Prewetts!"

Roddy laughed, and I thought I heard something in the corner, but disregarded it. It sound like a hiss, but it must have been the fire, I told myself.

"Well not every talented wizard can be on our side, some people are blind," Roddy mused, absentmindedly, running his hands along my long hair, "I mean, it wouldn't be a war if we didn't have people with skills opposing us. It would be like fighting muggles."

"Ugh, I hate muggles, imagine growing up in a muggle home and then coming here?" I rolled my eyes, "It really is just an insane thought. I cannot believe its allowed, we should have gone to Durmstrang."

"No, because we can change things here, we can make a difference, " Roddy grinned, "We have a purpose, without the losers, without the traitors and mudbloods, we'd lose our purpose. We were born to serve our Lord, we were born for this. We should thank them. They give us target practice, remember."

"Fabian covered in feathers," I said simply, giggling.

"It was beautiful, truly beautiful, I though his head was going to explode," Roddy looked lost in a very happy recollection, "He was such an angry, angry chicken."

"Cheers," I beamed, and we kissed, briefly.

"Do you think in 50 years, we'll be as happy as we are now?" I asked him, kissing his neck.

"Happier," He replied, moaning slightly, "Because we'll have rid the wizarding world of filth and we'll be ruling over muggles, and we'll be the Dark Lord's favorites, his most loyal, most devoted…"

"We only have a few minutes before we're meeting Lucius and Severus to help them come up with some new ideas for Gideon and James," I reminded him as I kissed him passionately, "What can we do in a few minutes?"

"Make out," He grinned, grabbing my hair furiously and pulling me towards him, "Merlin, you're stunning. I can't believe you're mine."

"All yours." I whispered, caressing his back, clawing him slightly as we kissed more aggressively.

"Top off," He whispered, tugging on the edge of my school sweater.

"We have to go soon!" I resisted, laughing.

"Please, Bella?" He pouted, and I briefly lifted my shirt and bra.

"happy?" I laughed as he flipped me over, pushing me against the wall and kissing my neck.

"Ecstatic," He replied breathlessly, "I want you, do we have to meet Lucius and Sev?"

"We'll finish this later, in your bed when your stupid roommates are asleep," I laughed, pushing him gently away, "Work hard, play hard."

"Oh but I want to play first," He grinned as I ran my fingers through my hair, and re applied my lip stick, "I just want you right now, they can wait."

"You can wait, Rod," I laughed, "I love you, though."

"I bet you say that to all your boyfriends," He teased, sighing and leaning against the wall.

"No, only you," I smirked and grabbed his hand, leading him back towards the common room.

"I'm a lucky man," He laughed, and squeezed my hand, "I really am though. You amaze me. Daily. I never knew anything so certainly than the way I love you. And the Dark Lord."

"That's exactly how I feel," I smiled, feeling so at home, "Nothing matters sometimes except you and the Dark Lord, the only two things I love with all my heart, my two weakenesses. It is love that rules us, when everyone thinks its hate. The Dark Arts are hardly dark."

"The Dark Arts have always shown me the light," He grinned, "I will never forsake them, and I will never forsake you, the only woman who could ever capture my heart. The most beautiful woman in the world."

"Sometimes I feel like a child with a bad temper," I conceded, giggling.

"You are a woman with bold beliefs and a strong heart," he corrected me as we walked into the common room and he added, "I love you more than anything."

"I love you more than everything," I whispered back, thinking that he was actually tied with the Dark Lord, but not feeling the need to mention that particular thought. And then the door to the common room closed, and we joined Lucius and Sev by the fire.

Now, that is a typical night with Roddy and I, I usually do not detail them to you, dear diary, for it is our romance, and while it is beautiful, it is not as riveting as the rest of this twisted life I lead. And I adore those moments we spend together, I do cherish them, they give me hope, they make every day a little brighter, and I love Roddy so very much, but the reason I detail this particular night we shared together in our green hallway, was because SOMEONE was there in an invisibility cloak.

And SOMEONE had a camera.

Therefore, this morning, breakfast started with a great deal of unease, as the Gryffindor table began to snicker as Roddy and I walked into the room, and suddenly, as we sat beside Lucius and Rosier at the breakfast table, Fabian rose from the Gryffindor table with a stack of papers. He handed a third of the stack to the first person at the Ravenclaw table, Donald Chang, who blushed, dropped them stack, and the boy to his right retrieved them and gasped, and suddenly, as he passed them along, several people keeping copies as they circulated, the Ravenclaw table was smirking over towards the Slytherins as well, and I felt a sinking feeling in the depths of my stomach, in the depths of my heart, that Fabian had finally found his revenge, though I did not know then how very far he had gone as he passed half of the remaining stack to the Hufflepuff table, all of whom, began to turn, facing the Slytherins with the rest of the hall as the papers were passed around, from hands to hands, from the top of the long table to the bottom.

And then, with confidence that a boy who was recently jellied and feathered should not possess, Fabian sauntered over to the Slytherin table.

"Greetings, snakes," He said cheerily. Entirely TOO cheerily.

"What the fuck do you want, blood traitor?" Rosier called from the middle of the table where we were seated, "Tell us and leave, your face is making me lose my appetite."

"So hostile, so hostile," He chuckled, "Please, dear friends, I come baring gifts. Enjoy."

And with that he handed the first paper off the stack to Reggie who was seated first at the table with Cissy and his fourth year friends.

"You sick fuck," Reggie said softrly, but our table was silent and thus his voice carried, "Go burn those, all of them, you should get in serious trouble for this. Serious trouble you perverted piece of scum."

"Oh that's right," Fabian sneered and I knew something horrible had happened, and my heart began to plumet, "She's your cousin isn't she? You probably don't want a copy then."

"What do you have there, Prewett?" Roddy stood up, the table shaking as he moved so quickly, his voice dangerous.

"Here," Fabian flung the papers across the table, "Nothing you and Malfoy haven't seen before."

The pictures were off the split second I lifted my shirt for Roddy the previous evening. The second I was exposed, forever immortalized in a photograph. It was a photo of me smiling, pulling up my shirt and bra, and then immediately pulling the shirt back down, smiling almost shyly, at Roddy who was not included in the most humiliating piece of paper I'd ever had the misfortune of seeing.

"How?" I asked, still too stunned to react, the entire great hall now fixated on the scene unfolding before them.

"An invisibility cloak and a silent camera," He laughed, "Like it? "

It wasn't I who struck first, but Roddy. Fabian was disarmed and then flung suspended in mid air, the teachers crowding around, now fully aware of the outbreaking situation and between the screaming of the teachers and the screaming between Roddy and Fabian, somewhere along the lines, I lost it. And I set Fabian on fire. Ignited him while he was upside down in mid air in front of the entire Great Hall, including the headmaster.

Now, we're back in detentions every Friday. Everyone who the teachers have seen engage in this new war. Myself, Roddy, Fabian, Gideon, Severus, Lucius (by association I presume), Dolohov, Sirius, and James. Another term, another group, another season of detentions. Every Thursday night until summer.

But this won't stop us; we merely have to be more discrete.

It was a bit awkward, staring at a room full of people who have just stared at your breasts, but I refused to run out of the great hall like a child, and Roddy, after the commotion died down and Fabian was sent back to the Gryffindor table, and the teachers returned to the staff table, looking entirely overwhelmed, well Roddy stood up, and began tearing each copy that was thrown on the Slytherin table. Most of the Slytherins cooperated, even Evan Rosier handed over the three copies he has stashed in his book bag. And Roddy tore them into pieces furiously.

At the hufflepuff table, Junior tore up as many as he could, and at the Ravenclaw table Rookwood disposed of as many as he himself could, and finally at the Gryffindor table, Andy and Ted ripped up the few they could retrieve.

I felt victimized, but also, for the first time in my life- I wasn't the bad guy. People weren't glaring at me. Perhaps they were staring curiously, or leering slightly (Rosier, Crabbe, Goyle), but the glares, the looks of disgust from the other three tables I was so accustomed to- they were all directed towards Fabian, and with a swift intake of breathe I began to laugh.

"I still win," I said, half smirking, half cringing, "The whole school saw me topless, yes, but now they think Fabian is a creepy pervert. I win, I do, I still win. He's still a chicken, and if anything, I'm the bloody lioness."

"It helps that you look really hot," Roddy confessed, snickering, "But I don't like the school seeing you like that…"

"Nor do I," I shuddered, "But it happened, and now we have to look at it from this perspective… His little psycho revenge ploy? Backfired! His stupid curse bounced right back in his stupid face, and here I am, poor little Bella. And there he is, creepy stalker Prewett. The school might think I'm a bit of a slut, but they think he's a twisted pervert. Now you see those looks of disdain they shoot him? I wouldn't mind them one bit, I almost miss them, id rather those than looks of sympathy, but you see, they will bother Fabian, shake up, make him feel like the bad guy, or drive him mental for not succeeding."

"Besides that, every guy in the school is going to fancy you," Lucius snickered, "And I'm sure all the girls will be sick with jealous, 'I wish I was Bella Black, she's like a celebrity and she's so hot',"

"You really think so?" I grinned evilly, "I do love lust and jealousy."

"Well then today's your lucky day," Roddy laughed, but still looked furious, "I'm glad it back fired, I am truly, but I am a bit protective of you, you know. I feel a bit sick."

"You're taking this harder than I am." I smirked.

"No," Roddy shook his head, laughing slightly, "I'm being open about how I feel about it. You're just as flustered and aggravated as I am. You feel violated and furious, but you don't show a shred of that, because you're Bella Black, and to be fair, you have become quite famous. So keep that pretty chin up, and keep the world convinced you're immortal."

"They seem pretty convinced," I smiled.

"Good," Roddy returned the smile, exhaustedly, "What a bloody morning. Can I go back to bed?"

"As if, we have history of magic, mister," I laughed, dragging him up with me, and hand in hand, with my chin held high, and my chest shamelessly pushed out, I stood to exit the Great Hall. And Lucius, Sev, and Dolohov began clapping, Carla, Cissy, and Reggie immediately joining in until the entire Slytherin table was applauding me, some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs followed suit, and I exited a hero, while Fabian sat there a criminal.

How lovely it was to be a victim once, and only once, for I do indeed prefer the glares of loathing to the nods of pity, but it was hurting Fabian more than it was hurting me. I was impervious I told myself, nothing could bother me, and many of those photographs had been shred, shred to pieces by my supporters, I had been cheered on, I had been made a heroine, not a fallen Slytherin princess, but a revered one, one whose people rushed to defend her.

I feel so alive, but so dizzy. The whole school did see a lot of me today, more than I ever would have chosen, and I do feel a bit sick, a bit vulnerable, like Fabian got to me once more, ever so slightly. And though I am the victor, there is a small scratch on my price that was not there when I rose from my bed this morning.

And there are months of detentions awaiting us that I did not have this morning

And I have never felt as… loved… as I have today. And I never dreamed I had so many friends this morning.

And thus I begin to wonder as I lay in bed, am I the same person I was this morning?

All I know, is I will never concede defeat, I will never show he's gotten past my armor and attacked my dignity by exposing me to every judgmental eye in the Great Hall. No, he will never know that I wanted to cry, and scream, and punch him.

And for my one day as a victim, I will say this, if it ever happens again, I'll do a lot more than light him on fire. I'll light the whole damn school on fire if anyone comes that close to hurting me again.

I'll turn every plate in the Gryffindor table into a snake, I'll crucio Fabian on the spot. I will do anything to never be vulnerable again.

But in the meantime, a wounded princesses, but a loved princess, I'll take my title and cherish my fans, the jealous, the lustful, the sympathetic, and let my one weakness be known: I am female. And that is the only thing that Fabian has ever been able to use against me. But that is my greatest blessing, in my beauty, in my feminine strength, in having Roddy, in being the first female death eater. Yes, I derive more power from being a princess than I would as a prince. So Fabian can take the one weakness he has found and exploit it until his heart is content, or no longer beating. I will always win. And when we meet as auror and Death Eater, I'll whisper to him that he gets to be the victim this time. Lucky him. And I'll make the murder slow. And I'll make him beg, because what could hurt his pride more than begging to me? But oh yes, he'll beg before I'm finished. I have the title of a princess and the heart of a warrior, and the reputation of a murderer. But as I said, this world is broken, twisted, sick. My goal is to fix it. Why is that so wrong in the eyes of so many?

One day the tales of my glory and my triumphs will be legendary. And Fabian Prewett can fuck himself.

Love, Bella.

Author's Notes:

I hope you guys liked the chapter, more chaos to come very soon =]

Thank you so much for the reviews, they motivate me to write, and theyre so sweet. Thank you guys =]

Stay tuneddd!! Hope this is as fun to read as it is to write lol


	22. If you play with fire

January 20th,

Dear Diary,

Welcome back to the detention series. I am so sorry you must suffer through these with me once more. Though not nearly as sorry as I am for myself.

Dumbledore HIMSELF hosted our first detention this evening. It was held in his office, with his gorgeous view, and stunning array of expensive artifacts and the judgmental glares from the portraits of the former headmasters staring at us. Why it had to be Dumbledore, the only wizard to radiate power in a fashion that reminded me of my Dark Lord, my love, why did it have to be this office, this office where I was so recently reminded of the penalty of my own ideals of justice?

This office exuded grandeur, prestige, which I adored, but the memories made me think only of the fury I felt for Dumbledore's wasted talent and the his onslaught of borderline threatening propaganda. I hated this office, beautiful as it was, and I hated Dumbledore, as wise and talented as he was, because these things made me question myself. And I can never, will never, entirely refuse, to every question the life I've chosen.

And to make everything entirely world, I was surrounded by GRYFFINDORS. I could have had more fun, and a better conversation with a group of house elves for fucks sake.

But none of this was my choice, because we were all in detention for "Reconciliation therapy."

Which is a pretentious way of saying, the staff was sick of us fighting and demanded action, thus they called upon their precious headmaster, who in their eyes could fix anything,

Well he couldn't fix this war.

It was too deeply imbedded, too far along in its course, and now it must be carried out, each battle, each victory, must be won, must be had. It was our mission now, and it was in none of our nature to retreat, danger signs posted everywhere, and yet we all march on.

So there we stood all bloody 9 of us, the 5 Slytherins and 4 Gryffindors associated with the Target Practice war as we called it, and inter-house discord as Dumbledore called it. Inter house discord? Seriously? Perhaps back in third year. No, old man, this is war.

"I appreciate your presence here tonight, all of you," Dumbledore smiled kindly, standing before us all as we awkwardly shuffled our feet, in a straight horizontal line before him, waiting for our first detention to begin so that it could end, and preferably end quickly, "Now this inter-house discord, well, its gone on far too long. You're all bright and talented young witches and wizards and this personal vendetta between you all, its become a matter of school wide gossip, and rumors, and a tangled sort of affair, that tonight I wish to untangle. So, I will be pairing you up, and before the group you will compliment your partner, and also, you will explain in mature and reasonable tongues, why it is you have this unfathomable resentment towards the, First, I call Severus and James."

The two boys sighed in unison and Dumbledore retreated, taking Severus's place in the center of the line, and the summoned chairs,

"We might as well sit and enjoy the show," he chuckled as we all sat down in softly upholstered wooden chairs, watching as Severus and Potter stood before us, avoiding one another's gaze and each looking as miserable as the other.

"James Potter, would you care to pay Severus a compliment?" Dumbledore urged, in a tone that was both polite and commanding.

"You, er," James furrowed his brow and finally let out a heavy sigh, "You do great in Potions."

"Thanks," Severus said flatly, without looking at Potter.

"Now Severus, return the favor," Dumbledore smiled, knowing we could not dare to disrespect one another under his watchful eyes. Curse him.

"Well Potter, I mean, James, you, er," Severus stuttered, looking unsure of what to say, "You seem to have a lot of friends."

"Now that wasn't so difficult, was it boys?" Dumbledore grinned at them, "Now calmly, if you please, James, explain to Severus your reasons for all the open hostility."

"I think you're mixed up in the dark arts, I think you want to be a Death Eater, and I don't like your hair." James said curtly, while Sirius, Gideon, and Fabian tried to hold back laughter.

Dumbledore need not encourage Severus to retort this time, for he immediately countered Potter's insults, "It is my belief that you are extremely arrogant, believe that you own this school, and highly over estimate yourself from your mediocre quiddich skills, to every other quality you possess, all of them extraordinarily mediocre, and it bothers me and those around me when you act like you are superior."

"Hmmm," Dumbledore frowned, "Now I am not asking you two to become friends, but could you possibly refrain from public displays of assault in the Great Hall?"

"Possibly," Severus mumbled, while James nodded beside him, and as Dumbledore motioned for them to sit back down, standing himself, they practically raced to their seats.

"Now your problems with one another are irrelevant, Severus will not become a Death Eater, and I do believe mediocrity is highly subjective, thus you two have no real problem at all. We will continue with this next week, but for now, lets move on… Lucius and Gideon, would you do the honors of going next?"

The two seventh years did not meet each other's eyes the entire time they stood before us, and Gideon's rant about pureblood prejudice and how Lucius represented the concept to the students of Hogwarts seemed to go on for ages. Then when Sirius and Dolohov were paired up, they really had nothing to say personally at all, but merely criticized the other's houses.

"Very well, I see we have a lot of issues to resolve," Dumbledore cleared his throat as Sirius and Dolohov returned to their seats, "Now I would like Mr. Fabian, Mr. Lestrange, and Ms. Black all to report to the front of the room together. I believe, Fabian, you issues are with both of them?"

"My issues," Fabian began as he strolled up before the group, Roddy and I following, hand in hand, a smirk on each of our faces as we regarded Prewett, "Are with every one of these mentalists. They think they own the school but they're-"

"Very well," Dumbledore said loudly, "I must ask you to please begin with a compliment for each Ms. Black and Mr. Lestrange."

"Fine," Fabian seethed, "You're both perfect for Slytherin."

"High compliment," I smiled sweetly, "But professor, I do believe he does not view his statement as a compliment at all, unless I am wrong and he values the Slytherin house highly?"

"Fabian, I believe Ms. Black is correct," Dumbledore's eyes flashed.

"All right then," Fabian said through gritted teeth, "Bellatrix here is clearly observant. And as for Lestrange, well he has great… ambition."

"That will do I suppose," Dumbledore looked dissatisfied at Fabian's flawed compliments, but encouraged us to reciprocate.

"You seem to be coping with the loss of your parents with grace, courage, and non violent solutions to release your pent up emotional distress," I said, my voice sugary.

"You little bitch!" Fabian snapped

"Silence," Dumbledore said in a low, but deadly voice, "Ms. Black, you are not the only observant person in this room. Try again, present a compliment that is not gilded in honey and rooted in hatred, if you will."

"You … have a great loyalty to your family," I said, begrudgingly.

"Better," Dumbledore assessed, and then motioned to Roddy.

"You, um," Roddy frowned, thinking deeply, "You have a knack for photography."

The room snickered, and Dumbledore stood up, "Mr. Lestrange, you of all people should not be joking about that incident."

"My apologies," Roddy sighed, and tried a second time, "You have nice ear lobes. Truly, they're well shaped and proportional."

"That is the best I'm going to coax out of the three of you isn't it?" Dumbledore looked irritable.

"Sir," James spoke out, "It is only out of respect to you that three of them haven't engaged in a brutal duel thus far. You should find It flattering the three of them can stand that close to one another without exploding in actual hatred because of your presence here."

"This is what I am trying to alter, this amassed resentment," Dumbledore sighed, "if you could learn to respect one another, you'd all be more at peace with yourselves. It is only united that we stand. Gryffindor and Slytherin were once great friends. Let us honor them by forging a modern day bond between the two houses, let us resolve what discord we can, for the sake of your school and your house pride."

"They did not remain friends, "Severus mumbled.

"They should have," Dumbledore replied sadly, "I believe this is all we can accomplish for this week, but I'll see you back here in a week. In the mean time, no hexing one another on your way back to your dormitories, or ill have you all writing lines all day Saturday. Good evening, and may we have better luck with this effort next time."

We walked down the stairs, and filed out from the statue opening to his office in a tense sort of silence, hostility in the very air we inhaled. Luckily, we parted ways with the blood traitors after only 5 or so minutes of this nearly unbearable quiet, sustained only for Dumbledore, only to avoid a Saturday of miserable lines, and only just barely.

"Bye, freaks," Sirius said coldly as they turned a corner, "Tell good old Voldemort we said hello."

"DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME!" I shouted, my chest heaving angrily as I whirled around to fair my traitor or a cousin.

"The only thing you'll ever be saying to the Dark Lord is good bye," Lucius informed him coldly, "And you'll say it right before he kills you."

"I don't think good-bye would be my famous last words," James chuckled, "I'd go for something more dramatic, like long Gryffindor! Or Peace, love, and fire whiskey!"

"You think this is a joke?" Lucius snapped furiously." I'm telling you- you will all DIE!"

"We think you're a joke, Malfoy," Sirius smirked.

"No, it isn't a joke," Gideon cut him off bitterly, "Murder and death is not a joke! You'll have plenty of time to reflect on all of that when you're in Azkaban. And when we meet as adults, aurors versus Death Eaters, I'll simply die happy."

"or you could just die," Roddy offered snickering, "But happy or not, at least you got that death part right, because that, my orphan friend, is key."

"You're the scum of the wizarding world, the lot of you," Fabian hissed, his eyes practically glowing with anger.

"Actually, I've been told I'm quite observant," I grinned, "And if you want to see scum, go find a mirror, or take a glance around you. We're the saviors of this world, and you're… well, you're just another obituary in the daily prophet, another name for a tombstone."

"Oh yeah?" Fabian laughed harshly, "And you're another slut with a big mouth. You'll never be a Death Eater, the most you can even hope for is to be Voldemort's mistress. What a crowning achievement that'll be. You're a little jumped up bitch, and the sooner you realize your future is going nowhere fast except to Azkaban and before then, a lot of time on your back."

"Don't!"Roddy pulled me back as I brandished my wand from my robe's pocket, "Calm down,"

"You know what?" I screamed to Fabian, as he turned away with a smirk, all the Gryffindors looking far too satisfied as they began to walk away, "Your parents were probably relived to die just so they wouldn't have to bear keeping you as a son you little faggot!"

He stopped dead.

"This is why we need to eliminate blood traitors, they're all out of their minds," Severus chimed in smugly, "He's a grade A nutter, no parent would have been proud of him."

"Maybe they were just as fucked up as this little speck of flith," Roddy chortled, "I guess we shall never know because they're DEAD."

It took Sirius, James, and Gideon to pull Fabian away as he shouted, "Azkaban for all of you, you don't deserve death, I hope the dementors find whatever rotten remains are left of your souls and suck them out of your foul lips you disgusting Slytherin, future Death Eating-"

Roddy yawned, "Yeah, we get it, you're cranky because we jellied and feathered you and insulted you dead ass parents. Move along now."

And with that, it was us who turned towards our common room with the smug expressions.

So I went to bed tonight feeling pretty good about the whole argument, but I woke up, about an hour after I fell asleep and couldn't find rest. You see, I had this awful nightmare, only I cannot recall a single detail, only the awful feeling that remains. So I tossed and turned for a bit, but the feeling, the heavy weight of the hazy nightmare became a little overwhelming, so I took out you, and your beautiful parchment pages and recorded the evening, hoping to sooth my spirits and calm my heart which insists on beating at twice its normal rate.

I hate nightmares. I know they aren't real, but when you're in them, they become your reality and the sweet promise of awakening still leaves you with that lingering feeling that something's going to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Now, I do feel a bit more relaxed, a thouroughly amused from recapping the night. And I do have a gui;lty little thought… well, Fabian's comment about being the Dark Lord's mistress… despite my love for Roddy, it sounded almost appealing. I mean, to make love to him would be like making love to power itself, personified into a very handsome form.

But I mustn't think these things. I love Roddy, and we are to be married, and I am to serve the Dark Lord in the same manner as every male servant, with all my heart, and all of my life. Not my body.

Tempting as it may be.

He is so handsome, he is glorious.

But so is Roddy.

I should not have to convince myself of this. I am going to fall asleep to thoughts of my fiancé, the perfect man, or to thoughts of murdering Fabian Prewett. I bet he's a screamer.

Love

Bella

January 22nd

Dear Diary,

We had a "Slug Club" meeting this Saturday night, the same members were there from the first meeting, as well as a couple other Ravenclaws with ministry connections.

It was a typically boring evening in Slughorns office with a lot of food and a lot of forced connection making, and thus it was such a sweet relief to be out of the presence of mudbloods and traitors and go the DEY meeting Lucius had scheduled for 10:30.

Once everyone was settled in our lovely dungeon abode, Lucius congradulated everyone on Target Practice thus far, but advised us to reminded to always be on the lookout for new opportunities.

"I think we should plan something for the Valentine's day Slug Club dance," Roddy suggested, "For all of our targets, give them a little surprise straight from our hearts on the day of love. The whole school will be there, it could be a boring evening, or it would be quite a show."

"Well then," Lucius beamed, "Let's make it a spectacle. Everyone will plan something for their targets, and for those of you without targets… All right, Mulciber and Avery, you're targeting Justin Wood. Nott, Crabbe, and Goyle, go after Emmeline Vance. And-"

There was suddenly a knock on the door.

The room went dead silent, the silence was practically screaming guilt.

"Hello?" I said finally, "Whose there?"

"Bella?" The voice called back, happily surprised, "Its Reggie. I erm, followed you guys after the meeting-"

"Were you followed?" Lucius asked sharply, yelling through the locked classroom door.

"Nah, I only followed after I saw ya'll didn't go into the common room, and I noticed other Slytherins wandering here, so I reckoned this MUST be the Death Eater Youth, and well… I want in. Literally too, can someone open this door?"

"Avery-" Lucius nodded to the boy sitting closest to the door who tentatively allowed Reggie to come in before locking it immediately behind him.

"I heard you all talking too," he confessed boldly, "And I want a target. I want to help whoever is targeting Sirius."

"Your own brother?" Lucius drawled, amused.

"Former brother, if you please," Reggie laughed, "He's been disowned."

"Bitter about his blood traitor betrayal?" Lucius cooed.

"Of course he is, now you be nice to my cousin," I snapped and Lucius laughed, sweeping his blonde hair back and smiling in a friendly manner at little Reggie, who I suppose isn't so little anymore.

"Yes, you can help Dolohov and whoever the hell I appointed to help Dolohov on the target of Sirius Black. But I like to think of Valentine's day as a day of love, so save all the antics for the end of the dance."

"We'll go out in style," Reggie snickered, "So can I like, take a seat, or do new members have to stand awkwardly for their first meeting?"

"Sit, please," Lucius beckoned absent mindedly, "Now, everyone welcome our newest member, Reggie Black."

There was a wave of welcome throughout the room as Reggie sat down beside Alecto Carrow who smiled warmly and blushed as he shook her hand and then folded his hands on his desk and smiled politely at Lucius, "Carry on Malfoy, old boy, I'm here for the fun."

"Wonderful, another Black, just what we needed," Lucius made a noise that was the lovechild of a laugh and a sigh as he carried on, "Now, as for the nature of the antics, I would like humiliation, not violence, to be key because they will be very public, and I do think we've found blood traitor's price is hurt only through embarrassment, they only glean strength for their cause from physical pain. Thus, please come to me with your plans, two meetings before the dance, so the floor can approve them. Any other suggestions?"

The room full of students merely shook their heads.

"Excellent, because I have a thought," Lucius stood up, licked his lips and began pacing in front of the desk and I smiled to myself, knowing anything that worked up Lucius this way, MUST be good, "We've practiced hexes in here before, mostly standard ones, but why not try our hand, as a group on the best, aka worst, curses out there?"

"The unforgivable?" Rosier looked highly intruiged.

"Precisely, Evan, " Lucius grinned, "I thought we could pair up and give the old imperious curse a good try. What's the worst that can happen?"

"That's a question we should never really ask ourselves in our line of work, mate," Roddy grinned, "But as for trying out the imperious curse- I'm all in."

"You're all in?" Lucius addressed the room, grinning as they nodded and mumbled their consent, "Beautiful, then pair up."

I advanced quickly to Roddy who remained sitting as I approached him, once I arrived at his desk he smiled and motioned for me to begin, a grin spreading on his handsome face as the room became very noisy with shouts of imperio flying every which way.

"Shall I?" I asked, slightly nervous as I raised my want to him.

"You shall," He was still smiling broadly, "But I don't know if you'll be able to do it to me. You have to really mean these bad boys, Bella. Can you mean a curse that heavy against the man you love?"

"Nope," I sighed, and grabbed Severus who was paired with Dolohov, "We're switching, I can't curse Roddy."

"Fine, I certainly can," Dolohov laughed as he and Roddy faced one another happily, Roddy raising his wand first, shouting imperio and ordering Dolohov to jump. Dolohov looked slightly pained, but told him all he felt was a small lightening bolt.

"I want firsties," I told Severus as we faced one another, "So be prepared."

"Of course, princess," He teased, and I raised my wand, bit my lip and shouted 'imperio', but to no avail, Severus merely chuckled.

"I want to try again," I said coldly, and this time I imagined he was Sirius and I was telling him to rejoin his family, for me, for Reggie, and I held the image in my mind fast and strong as I reshouted the incantation.

Severus's face sort of fell, his tense muscles loosened.

"Bark!" I ordered, the first command that came to mind. He opened his mouth, looking dazed, and shut it without sound.

"Bark!" I shouted, more emphatically, but the same reaction took place. Sighing, I freed him of the curse.

"Not bad, Bella," Lucius commented as he strolled around the room, "That was the most successful attempt yet. Go again."

I tucked my hair behind my ears, anxious now that the entire room was watching, and this time I pictured Fabian, yes Fabian Prewett and I was telling him to jump off the astronomy tower, yes that was the picture I saw as I closed my eyes and screamed, a shriek of loathing and emphasis "IMPERIO!"

Again, his usually tense face went slack, and appreciative mumbles began to echo through the room.

"Clap your hands." I said commandingly, and he raised them together for a weak clap.

"FUCK YES!" I shouted happily, forgetting myself, and the spell broke.

"Good work," Severus looked a little dizzy, "I felt so numb,"

"That's the idea," Lucius nodded approvingly, "I can see we all have some work to do, so use this room to practice, all of you, with a partner when you have free time. We'll try again at the next meeting in a few days, Wednesday at 8pm, sharp. Now you can be on your way unless you'd like to remain and practice."

Several pairs didn't move, the Carrows for example continued, growing red in the face, shouting imperio at one another. But I caught up with Reggie, Roddy by my side as we approached him. He looked up from where he sat beside Junior, his practice buddy, and beamed at us.

"Ah, Hogwarts finest couple," He smiled, "How do you do?"

"Oh Reggie, I'm delighted you're here!" I swooped down and kissed his cheek, "What convinced you to join?"

"Well, Junior has been bragging to me about it for ages, we've been buddies for a while," he nudged his friend in a brotherly fashion, while Junior just grinned sheepishly, "But the real reason, well, I was argueing with Cissy, actually. She was saying you needed to drop the Death Eater Youth after Fabian took that awful picture and gave it to the whole fucking world, but I begged to differ, I said you would surely be doubling your efforts, and that revenege, that was the only proper way to handle the situation. So in frustration, she snapped at me and told me to 'Go join the bloody DEY then, you're like a younger, male, Bella,'. So I thought, why the hell not? Hence, here I am, and Merlin, it does look fun."

"brilliant, we need all the members we can get," Roddy smiled, "And I like your enthusiasm, looks like we have a little champ in the making."

"Little?" Reggie laughed as the four of us began making our way towards the door, "I'm nearly as tall as you, mate. I know, I know, I'm a 4th year, what do I know? But I know everything Sirius ever rambled on about before he got his Gryffindor butt kicked out. And I know, this is where I belong, this is what I believe, and this is a lot more interesting than being a good little boy sitting in the library doing charms homework."

"You're mature for 14," Roddy conceded as we left the room, working our way down the stone corridor towards the Slytherin common room, "I'm impressed, Mr. Black. Or may I call you Reggie?"

"So long as I can call you Roddy," He grinned, and Barty Junior raised his hand in farewell as he trooped off to the Hufflepuff's common room, and we opened the door to the Slytherin one, Roddy whispering the password, 'Purity' and allowing us entry.

"It appears this will be a good term," Reggie smiled before heading up to his dormitory, "Exciting, to say the least."

"It will be the best term yet, Reg," I assured him, glowing with excitement, "You'll see, we have plans, we have talent, and we have the Dark Lord on our side."

"What's the worst that could happen?" He winked and walked away, and as Roddy and I settled ourselves before the fire, talking and kissing gently, I couldn't help but brandish that incessant, nagging, question from my mind… What IS the worst that can happen?

I shuddered.

"Are you cold Bells?" Roddy asked, putting his arm around my shoulders and kissing my cheek affectionately, "I'll keep you warm."

"You're a saint," I grinned, snuggling into his body, absorbing his head, feeling safe again.

"Ha!" Roddy chuckled, "Patron Saint of the Death Eaters perhaps. Patron Saint of all the that the other saints label unholy. Saint of the light behind the Dark Arts."

"My SAINT," I added, kissing him.

"My princess," he whispered back, "My love, my only. Now, are you warm?"

"Much warmer," I beamed, the question forced into the recessed of my mind, dormant as we cuddled fire side, dormant in his arms, "Thank you."

"Why you're welcome, my lady," He whispered sweetly, "Look at us and our manners. Our mothers would be so proud."

"All I can think is how beautiful that fire is, yet if it gets out of control, we'd destroy it and all of its power," I replied, my eyes locked on the dancing flames, "We're like fire, Roddy. Beautiful and dangerous and the second we get some freedom, we tear down this world to build a new and better one. And they fear us, and they want to keep our beauty, our power, controlled and stifled, on candles and in fireplaces, but we want to use our power, to shine as beautifully, to glow as brightly as we can. Its fire, our lives, our spirits, our hearts, we're flames, we're fire."

"And we've just begun to burn," He grinned, "It'll take more than a dousing charm to stop us, we'll burn this world until its pure again."

"I love power, I love beauty, glory, its all so lovely," I mused, my eyes still locked on the orange glow warming us to the winter night's cold, and I yawned, suddenly sleepy, "I think I need some rest, I'm growing a bit tired."

"Good night my little flame," He whispered, kissing my ear as he spoke, "I'll see you tomorrow."

And we bid our cheerful and loving farewells before I made my way up the stairs and wrote to you, dear diary, and now I must fall asleep, and hopefully I will escape the nightmares that have been plaguing my slumber for the past two days,

I always wake up frightened and feeling so alone, though I succumb to sleep so contently.

I will think about this awful dream with no motif, no details no more, and merely hope it does not reoccur. There are some things you cannot control. What you dream, who you love, and where your fates take you.

Mine are taking me out of the fireplace where I've been kindled, because, dear diary, some people need to learn a lesson

If you play with fire… you will get burned.

Love

Bella

Author's Notes:

Hope you guys are enjoying this!! The Valentine's Day dance is approaching, and I am very excited to write about it lol. Please review, I love them, they're so sweet and inspiring.

Thank you guys for reading it means a lot.

Hope you love my wickedly adorable Bella as much as I can't help but love her =]


	23. Preview

SNEAK PREVIEW OF THE REST OF 6TH YEAR…

In no particular order, here is a little peak of what's to come…

Is it sounding intriguing? =]

** *

"It seems," Lucius began his eyes glittering with fury, "That we have a traitor in our midst. And it seems he is deserving of punishment. Welcome to judgment day, you have committed treason against the Death Eater Youth. Step up and claim your prize…or call it punishment, if you will…. And undoubtedly- you will."

***

"There are some broken things, some wilted flowers, you have to leave broken, you have to let die," Reggie sighed, his hands over his head, massaging his temples exhaustedly

"You know what, 'brother'?" Sirius laughed without mirth, "I couldn't have worded that any better myself.'

** *

"The world, you see," I hissed to Andy harshly in the midst of the chaos, "Is only as twisted as you make it."

"Well in that case, your world hasn't been a straight line since you learned your first words, and you're dragging everyone else through all the twists and turns with you," She retorted coldly, turning towards the battle before us, "What are you waiting for? Go for it, you wouldn't want to ruin your reputation by staying on the sidelines beside your disowned blood traitor whore sister, would you?"

"Oh Andy," I chuckled, "The fight doesn't begin until I join in."

** *

"You know you want to," I paced around him slowly circling, like a hippogriff circling its pray, or snake, curling around its target, "You've wanted to for ages. Not the noblest desire, for such a 'noble' man, but who am I to judge nobility? I'm a Slytherin, afterall."

"You are so much more than a Slytherin," Fabian breathed furiously, "Or perhaps I should say, so much less."

"Say what you will," I shrugged, throwing my arms around his neck, directly, his eyes into mine, hatred meeting hatred, like two jinxes meeting in mid air, "Words change nothing. You feel how you feel. You want what you want."

"Words change everything," He answered, his eyes so dark, so black.

"No," I shook my head, a smile spreading across my lips, "Actions do…"

** *

"This is bigger than you are, Rosier!" Lucius shouted furiously, "Bigger than you, Avery! Bigger than you Lestrange!

"To be fair, it's probably not bigger than Crabbe and Goyle," Roddy snickered, I couldn't help but smile despite the tragedy.

"It's not a joke," Lucius snapped, slamming his first against the desk, sending dust swirling into the air, "It is our LIVES."

"We're aware, we aren't Hufflepuffs," Roddy combated, standing to face Lucius, "So stop treating us like first year Hufflepuff mudbloods, and start to learn to respect us, without us you have an empty classroom and a lot of dreams, but with us you have an ingenious organization and plans."

"Roddy would make a better president if you ask me," Rosier piped up.

"Seconded, for the love of Salazar, seconded," Reggie sighed, clapping his hands, "All in favor of replacing King Lucius?"

"What the bloody hell is this?" Lucius snapped, standing so quickly his chair slammed to the floor.

"A coup d'etat?" I offered, giggling, "Mutiny? Uprising?"

"Sometimes Bella," Lucius breathed, seemingly unaware the entire room was glaring at him in intense exasperation, "I really hate you."

"Only sometimes?" I smirked, "I must be doing my job very poorly then. Now I believe we were calling a vote, my King whose crown is being threatened. All in favor of Roddy over our current president- Say aye!"

** *

"You know sometimes I wonder if my parents are proud of me," I pondered aloud walking away from Dumbledore's office and our tedious, affectless, and utterly useless detention, "Do you ever wonder that, Fabian? Or you, Gideon? You see, when I wonder, I remember I can always ask… Guess you two will never know. But I'd bet a lot on the answer being an unquestionable 'No',"

"Whose parents would be proud of a whore?" Fabian sneered coldly.

"I don't know ask Molly Prewett's parents… oh wait, she's your sister and they're dead," I laughed, "My mistake, all apologies of course."

And then, it seemed to all happen so quickly. The other Gryffindors might look back on this moment in years to come, in dear memory of Fabian Prewett and think "oh how the mighty of have fallen" But future Slytherins will know the un mighty Fabian never had far to fall to begin with.

** *

"It's more than a club, Cissy," I whispered, "It's a lifestyle."

"I do suppose it's certainly one way to live," She said, bemused her eyes far off.

"For me, it's the only way,"

"So when will I see you again?" She asked tentatively, clutching my hand as we walked through the rose garden, their velvet petals shining in the heat of the early summer sun, their thorns menacingly prevailing in the shadows, the light catching only the surface, the beautiful.

"If I knew," I said slowly, sadly regarding the flowers, wondering how long their beautiful ephermal life would last, how many glorious days and nights they'd see, how many rain showers would wash them clean, and wondering when a colder autumn rain would wash them away, drown them, as if they never existed, never shined in their full glory before us, "I would certainly tell you, little sister. But I am not currently informed on even where I will be, never mind times and dates and details. My life is open, my life is closed."

** *

"You know there is a world at peace somewhere, right?" Sirius said somberly, "Some places where hatred is not spread like a virus. Somewhere where everyone respects one another and people live, people smile, people don't worry about what will happen when they shut off their lights and close their eyes. A world without death, violence, destruction."

"A world without progress?" I insisted coldly, "

"A world in which you will never have a place," He shrugged, "War is your life. You couldn't exist without it, without your precious purpose, without your feeble attempt to claim victory where there is no victory to be claimed. There is no glory in the inglorious path you've chosen."

"There is not glory in your life at all, no glory in your heart, or your side of this war," I spat in anger, "There is not glory in forsaking your family, no glory inside you. There is no glory in defeat."

"There is no defeat in glory," He stated casually, and then simply strode away, into the shadows of the corridor where his figure was lost. Sirius Black walked into the black, into the realm where I knew he was gone forever.

** *

"Does it ever get cold living in Lucius's shadow?" Gideon said forcefully to Severus and Dolohov, "Is it ever dark there?"

"Not as cold as the orphanage, Prewett," Severus laughed, but his eyes betrayed his anger, "And how did it feel being used in a plan to avenge your psycho brother? How does it feel to fall for a witch who hates you, and realize her only attraction to you, was the attraction of hurting you and good old Fabian? How's that feel? Dark? Cold?"

** *

"If you think for one second this is just a game, you're lying to yourselves," Dumbledore looked truly angry, his blue eyes like a stormy ocean. I felt myself tense, "This is life, or this is death."

"Sir, I do understand your point, but despite our paths, we are all AIMING for life," Roddy insisted, "I just mean, no one's goal is, in fact, DEATH. Unless the Gryffinors are unbeknownst to us- suicidal, and there are treatments, potions, self help books for that sort of thing,"

Lucius and I tried to keep from smirking and the Gryffindors scowled furiously. But the question on all our minds, was what in the name of Merlin was Dumbledore going to think about that…

** *

"Bella," Roddy smiled, "It means beauty, beautiful, ah and you are so very, and truly, stunning"

"But what's in a name, my darling?" I said in a hushed voice as we kissed lightly.

"Words and syllables," He replied kissing back, his lips still pressed softly against mine, moving against mine, as he spoke, and love flowed through me, so sweet and dramatic, harsh and lovely, as he carried on "But what's in your name? It's truth."

** *

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," I smiled menacingly.

"Just what are you trying to say, Black?" Frank Longbottom raised his eye brows. And the room we were in, alone, dark, ominous, seemed so light for me. I knew it so well. It felt like home.

"I'm merely describing your future,"

"What a lovely picture you paint," He moved towards me in the dark, our wand light barely illuminating the dusty stone floor below us.

"Tell me everything you know," I whispered, "And you'll be saved."

"Throw yourself at my feet, bitch," Longbottom laughed, "And beg, BEG, for mercy, and you'll be saved."

"We seem to have arrived at a stale mate, blood traitor." I smiled, which he returned, his features eerie in the wand light.

"No," He smiled wider, too wide, my stomach churned, "We've arrived at the beginning."

** *

"Dumbledore once said 'promise me life and I'll confess the truth," I whispered, licking my lips anxiously as I continued, "It's some quote, but it stuck in my head, like a melody you can't block out. Like a name you can't remember. Like a vision that won't fade. So I ask you- do you promise me life?"

"I do. Now, about confessing this truth…"

** *

"How's your pride, Prewett?"I sneered loudly so the entire room could hear, "Does it hurt?"

"Not as much as you're about to," His eyes flashed, and the room fell immediately silent, "Any last words?"

"Seriously?" I dropped my wand to the floor, grinning, as it rolled away, hitting the side of Roddy's shoe as he leaned over to pick it up, gazing up at me in confusion, "Kill me, Prewett, as if you had the talents or the spine. But here's your chance, murder now or forever hold your peace. Or rather, hold your war."

"BELLA, NO!"

** *

So, if you like what you've read let me know, and I'll be sure to update with the actual next chapter asap!

Hope this was a fun preview!!

Love!! Please review so I know if this sounds ok, or not lol. I love you guysss!

Aprilsummer, your humble and devoted writer : )


	24. You Will Get Burned

January 27th,

Dear Diary,

Tonight's meeting of the DEY began in its usual fashion, Lucius called us all to order, we practiced imperio for ten minutes or so, Severus still in owe of my uncanny natural penchant for this revered and 'unforgivable' curse. After the hands on practice sessions we resumed our seats, chatting brightly of the dark magic we were attempting when Lucius calmed the room, shushing the conversations and stood slowly from his chair, clearly his throat nervously as he began to address the room full of excited eyes before him,

"Now I have been calculating a plan for-"

But suddenly there was a loud serious of bangs on the outside of our door, screams of voices that were very familiar, but sounded so forgein in this room, like voices from another lifetime. The voices of treason.

"HEY DEATH EATERS, WHAT'CHA DOING?" Screamed one voice

"WE KNOW WHERE YOU MEET, ALOHAMORA!"

And the door swung open.

In poured Fabian, Gideon, Sirius, James and Frank Longbottom, all of whom looked entirely smug and vaguely murderous.

"Your society has been infiltrated, your secrets will now be our secrets…. Get 'em boys!" Gideon shouted and hexes began spilling out from wands at every angle.

Smirking, I slid under the desk, pulled out my wand and bit my lip while Lucius threw himself into the fray. I waited another moment as there were fewer and fewer cries and hexes and then jumped out from my hiding spot to see Severus dueling with Longbottom as the rest of the room retreated, into the halls, laughter and screeches and incantations all began blurring into one awful sound.

"Longbottom!" I called out as Severus hit him with a tripping jinx and he fell into the dust floory.

"Sev, go make sure the Gryffindors besides Longbottom here are gone," I said forcefully, ushering him away. He nodded, and walked hesitantly out the door.

"How did you find this place?" I asked, walking toward Longbottom slowly, my eyes never leaving his smirking face.

"A little bird told me," He lied smugly, "So, tell me about the meeting,"

"Over my dead body," I hissed, leaning against the front desk while he paced around the roo surveying the over turned desks in the hexes and the frenzy. He looked pleased at the desctruction oh the DEY's meeting room, of my home away from home. Of our sanctuary. They were guilty of sacrilege on these sacred ruins, among other crimes of dignity.

"Well, that's a little dramatic, Bellatrix," he snickered, "Just give me the answers I want, and I'll let you be, I'll leave you alone to your dungeon room, where you can sit and plan evil deeds until your non existent heart is content."

"There is so much wrong with that sentence, I have no idea where to begin," I snapped, pounding my fist against the desk behind me, "Tell me how you found us? Tell me why you stayed behind. Why are you still here?"

"Because, I'm cornering you," he laughed, waving his wand around casually, "I believe we're not getting on very well, I may have to resort to magical means to get the information I require from you, my fair Death eater princess."

"Whatever you want from me, I won't give you, I won't tell you a thing, except that you're a worthless freak," I snapped furiously, "I wont be cornered by anyone, never mind a nobody blood traitor such as yourself."

"Promise me life, and I'll confess the truth," He said, and I remembered Dumbledore and shuddered, "I promise you life. I'll tell no one what you told me. Confess to me your truths, Bellatrix, I am offering you redepemtion, the most beautiful gift anyone has ever offered you. More lovely than your engagement ring, more elegant than your prettiest dress robes. I'm giving you a chance. I promise you life, confess your truth."

I leaned forward as though to whisper something to his face, his eyes grazing me over skeptically, and I spit in his face, giggling, and returned to my desk where he merely wiped my saliva away with the sleeve of his robe.

"Mature," he said sarcastically drawing ever closer to me, "But as the saying goes-"

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," I smiled menacingly.

"Just what are you trying to say, Black?" Frank Longbottom raised his eye brows. And the room we were in, alone, dark, ominous, seemed so light for me. I knew it so well. It felt like home.

"I'm merely describing your future,"

"What a lovely picture you paint," He moved towards me in the dark, our wand light barely illuminating the dusty stone floor below us.

"Tell me everything you know," I whispered, "And you'll be saved."

"Throw yourself at my feet, bitch," Longbottom laughed, "And beg, BEG, for mercy, and you'll be saved."

"We seem to have arrived at a stale mate, blood traitor." I smiled, which he returned, his features eerie in the wand light.

"No," He smiled wider, too wide, my stomach churned, "We've arrived at the beginning."

"Then let it begin!" I urged, raising my wand.

He swiftly flicked his wand, some dark blue curse I blocked, and jumped away as he shot a light red one immediately follow.

"You waste no time," I observed coolly.

"Fight back," He sneered, "Show me these ashes to ashes."

"I'll start with the dust to dust," I smiled and suddenly as my wand flicked all the dust in the room lifted itself from the corners and crevices of the stones and poured itself onto Longbottom's head.

"Then allow me to show you the ashes," he shouted, shaking the dust from his chesnut hair and setting the desk, Lucius's presidential desk on fire, "There goes your precious throne for your precious king."

I turned to put out the fire and suddenly, it was I who went up in flames.

I am fire, fire cannot burn me

I flicked my wand, my slightly scorched robes were doused in water but burning no longer.

You can't fight fire with fire. And I am fire.

I shot my wand at him, and icicles shot at his face, slicing the skin of his cheeks and forehead.

"You're coldhearted, you see," I smirked, though the damage done to the desk, was worrying me, I lovingly caressed its charcoal surface, tragedy flowing through me. Our throne.

"That's you," He corrected coldly, as he tended to his cuts, his teeth gritted in pain and loathing before his wand twitched and I found myself thrown against the wall, "Now tell me what I want to know. What is your group planning, Bellatrix Black?"

I found myself paralyzed against the wall, my wand fallen to the stones beside my feet as a dusty, furious, and slightly bleeding Frank Longbottom advanced on me, his wand held high.

"TELL ME EVERYTHING!" He shouted, "YOU'RE NOT TAKING OVER OUR SCHOOL! YOU'RE NOT TAKING OVER ANYTHING! YOU'RE GROUP HAS ENOUGH POWER, TOO MUCH POWER!"

"You can never have too much power," I hissed as he moved so close his breath was on my cheeks, I could smell the blood, and the inhaled the dust that still clung to him face and robes, "Silly blood traitor."

"What are your fucking plans, Bellatrix?" He said, more exasperated than angry, "If you don't tell me, I'm going to burn every desk in this class room while you're paralyzed here. You can watch it burn, or you can cooperate."

"You can fuck off, or you can fuck off," I offered him a sweet smile, "But if you touch those desks, if you hurt this room, you'll regret it. You'll pay for every single ash."

"Good thing I'm a rich man, Bellatrix," He sneered and one by one he ignited the desks and I watched the wood explode into flames, uncontrolled power like the DEY itself destroyed the DEY's castle, our home together, our room that we had known as our sanctuary. I watched every desk fall to flame. I watched Frank's eyes reflect the glow as he torched the old defense against the dark arts classroom. How fitting, fire against fire. Fire against the dark Arts, it glowed to brightly, illuminating every shadow of the room we'd turned into a garden for dark magic, illuminating all that was once dark, in the fire light Frank Longbottom looked like so much more than your typical blood traitor. He looked like my new favorite nightmare.

After our home was reduced to ashes and dust he let go of the paralyzing curse, and I crumbled to the floor, the stones hot from the aftermath of the fire.

"That was… admirable," I commented, keeping my voice, which threatened to sound hysterical strikingly calm, "That was something a Slytherin would have done."

"Feel like talking yet?" He asked smiling, and grabbing me by the shoulders before I had a chance to grasp my wand, and he pressed me against the hot rough stone floor, climbing on top of me, my wand just out of reach and his held to my throat.

"I feel like screaming, actually," I said softly, my voice almost dangerously calm, "You're not leaving without information are you?"

"No," He grinned looking so proud of himself and my current predicament, "Not a chance, mrs. Voldemort."

"Its actually the future Mrs. Lestrange," I whispered, switching tactics, and tracing the sides of his body with my hands, feeling the hard outline of his ribs and abdomen muscles, "But just call me Bella."

"But Bella means beautiful," He scoffed coldly, glaring down at me, looking confused as my hands continued to trace his skin, now caressing the soft flesh of his neck.

"And?" I laughed, "Aren't I?"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," He said simply, "And I'm beholding a monster."

"Words, words, words," I smiled, "They can't hurt me."

"Wands, wands, wands," he taunted, my hands grazing the back of his neck as he spoke, "They CAN hurt you."

"I know," I said my left hand running through his hair, his weight slowly crushing my small body against the hard uneven floor as my right hand grabbed his wand hand, grabbing his pinky and pulling it back until a swift SNAP echoed in the burnt out room, and his scream quickly followed while I snatched up his wand, and he jumped off of me, backing away towards my wand.

"Don't move, scumbag," I breathed cruelly, his wand in my grip outstretched towards his face and in the heated ash covered room, he froze.

"Tell me one thing," he said, holding up his hands in surrender as I collected my own wand only a foot or two from where he'd stopped, "How do you sleep?"

"With beautiful vivid dreams," I smirked, "That will become a beautiful vivid reality."

"I did what I had to, only what I had to do for the good of the school," he said, gesturing to the ruins of our meeting room.

"You see, Longbottom," I sighed, "That's why we do everything we do as well. It's all for the greater good, you fool."

"You terrorize the masses to gain power for yourself-"

"Shut up," I yawned, "I have the wands now, kiddo. So how did you find our-"

"Lair?" He offered sneering, "I'll never tell."

I smiled, putting the full body bind curse on him, and walked silently towards the door, the ashes smudhing my shoes, the remnants of the room haunting me already, "Now you made this bed, Longbottom. Sleep in it."

He glared at me from the floor where he lay paralyzed, his eyes darting around anxiously, the soot and dust covering his robes and face still, his body probably aching from the fall he took when the paralyzing curse took hold of him.

"Oh yes," I held out his wand grinning and threw it in the far corner, amongst a pile of cinder, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Longbottom. Farewell, my friend. Enjoy the ruins of the castle you ruined. This is your fallen throne now. Someone will surely find you… eventually. But breathing in all of this soot can't be healthy. Oh well, you see your health? Last on my list of concerns. Sweet dreams, pyro."

His eyes narrowed clearly articulating what his mouth could not.

"Oh, I hate you too," I laughed, actually laughed at his dirty face on the dirty floor, "Have a nice night."

And with that I shut the door and sealed it locked, storming off to the common room covered in ashes and dust. Covered in the last of our home. Covered in defeat, but as the members of the DEY thrust themselves upon me, I assured them I returned the victor, leaving Longbottom alone to suffocate in the mess he created, in the bridges (or desks) he burned.

Roddy held me, ignoring the ashes that were smeared onto his robes from contact with my own. And I almost cried.

"Its all gone, Bella?" Dolohov looked so terribly sad.

"Its ashes," I sighed.

"Well," Lucius cleared his throat so that the members of the DEY, about 70% of whom were surrounding us, could all hear, "Then the DEY has two immediate missions- find a new meeting room, and uncover how the Gryffindors discovered our old one."

"Where are the Gryffindors?" I asked suddenly, "The ones that aren't paralyzed in a room filled with smoke, I mean."

"Scampered off like the exact opposite of a bloody lion," Severus rolled his eyes, "They were out numbered, they just wanted a distraction while Longbottom cornered someone I think. And that someone happened to be you."

"Poor Bella," Reggie laughed.

"Oh no," I corrected him, grinning coldly, "Poor Longbottom."

It seems another day, another enemy. Another battle, another victory. But each battle, each foe, they take a little bit of your pride with them when they fall. And I do hope that this war doesn't begin to take its toll on my dignity. For I will be needing that.

I cried alone in my bed, after the adrenaline wore off. I watched my home burn.

Ashes to ashes.

No fighting fire with fire. He'll suffocate there until he's found, he'll be in miserable pain, staring endlessly at the chaos he caused all in the false name of justice, and he'll feel rotten, and his lungs with ache.

You see, there is a saying

If you play with fire

YOU WILL GET BURNED.

Love,

Bella

January 28th,

Dear Diary,

Detention this evening was a quiet affair. The two groups had so very much to scream and curse at one another that any other words we may have exchanged at least in respect for our headmaster were entirely forgotten. We had only sentiments of loathing to offer, and thus- if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.

I said nothing at all.

When Dumbledore asked us all to stand and reveal a fact about ourselves that no one else knew, my heart rolled its figurative eyes, since I dared not show that disrespect to my head master. But what the fuck was I supposed to share about my innermost thoughts to a room half full of people who hate me? One of whom had just recovered from being locked in a smoky burned out room the previous night because of my knack for vengeance. He looked pale and furious, as tense as I'd ever seen him, and he refused to make eye contact with me, or anyone for that matter. He stared irately in front of him, towards the cold dark night shown from the view of Dumbledore's back window. He looked as distant as I felt.

"Lucius, perhaps you would do the honor of going first?" Dumbledore grinned sagely, and went on as Lucius sighed and heaved himself from his seat, standing before us all looking miserable and exhausted, dark bags appeared on his pale face, and his hair was in disarray. He hadn't slept well, I could tell by his persistent yawning, "Now this excersie is designed to remind you that your enemies, are also in fact PEOPLE and they do have secrets and feelings, and by discovering more about them hopefully you will see them as peers… as opposed to 'targets', for we are all just mortals here. We breathe and bleed, and we need one another in these times of war. Thus, Lucius my boy, tell the group something about yourself that is unknown to the masses, allow us to see behind the polished surface of Lucius Malfoy and glean something about what lies within."

"The only time I remember crying," Lucius drawled, sounding bored and sleep deprived as he rubbed his gray eyes, "Was when I was 11, and I recived my first broom. I fell flat on my face in front of my father when I was showing off. My nose broke. It hurt like bloody hell. I cried. Sincere apologies for the language, professor."

"Very good, Lucius!" Dumbledore beamed, beckoning Lucius to return to his seat, "Gideon, my other seventh year student! Share something personal, if you will."

Gideon looked about as thrilled to stand before us as I would have looked standing in the middle of Lily Evan's muggle home.

"When I was four or five per say," Gideon fidgeting with the watch on his hand nervously as he spoke, his voice dull and emotionless, but his eyes almost watering, "I would only wear the colors red and gold because both my parents were Gryffindors and so proud of it. I told them I'd grow up and be just like them. I miss them every day. Most of my clothes are still red or gold."

You will grow up just like them Gideon, I smirked, you'll die young too.

Gideon sat quickly, looking flustered as Dumbledore called Severus to the spotlight. He physically winced as he stood, and cringed again as he straightened up, standing tall and proud, the second Slytherin, before a room half full of hatred and half full of love. For the DEY, slowly but entirely surely, had grown to love not only the cause, but one another.

"I hate my father," he said simply and sat immediately back down. Looking perplexed, Lucius, Roddy, Dolohov and I exchanged shrugs while Sirius was sent up before us.

"When I was disowned," He began, glaring quickly in my direction, "I first thought that I had no family. But then, I realized quite suddenly that my family all along was James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. All along, since I was 11, my family had been by my side, my three true brothers, and when I was disowned I lost nothing but a house elf, and a lot of meaningless gold."

I stared at him hard, and cold, wishing I could light him on fire on the spot. To burst him into flames. Traitorous bastard. To forsake those who cared for him and loved him. To forsake his parents, brother… cousins… Gryffindors have no pride.

I was still seething as Dolohov awkwardly took center stage and shuffled his feet while thinking deeply, trying to come up with an appropriate personal expression, "I've, er, never been kissed."

The whole room, Gryffindors and Slytherins united for a single second, all held back laughter while Dumbledore summoned James to the forefront.

"When I was 11 until about 2 years ago," he grinned sheepishly, embracing the opportunity to fully embrass onself more openly than any who had stood before him, "I wanted to be a rock star. I had a magical band named all picked out, we were going to be called the Golden Snitch and Flying Hippogriffs,"

The Gryffindors laughed, endeared. I rolled my eyes, noticing Severus do the same.

"I know, a bit silly, right?" James chuckled, "Now I'd like to be an auror, but who knows maybe the Goden Snitch and Flying Hippogriffs can be a side gig? I call lead singer, but if any of you all reckon you'd be into it, just let me know. Open audtions!"

Smiling fondly, Dumbledore assured James he'd be on the lookout for his band and then politely asked Roddy if he would follow Potter.

Roddy nodded curtly and gracefully swept up his robes, standing before us confidently, "When I was a child I was terrified of the dark," He smiled, his eyes far off in a distant memory of his youth, "Simply terrified of that which I couldn't understand, of that which was not mine to see and to touch. I learned that to fear what we do not comphrehend is just ignorant. I learned there is nothing to fear in the dark. And if I ever grow worried, well I say lumos and there's a light in the dark, like a star in the sky, in the deepest shades of black there's always a light. Nothing is too dark anymore, nowhere is too dark anymore."

Dumbledore's eyes hardened as Roddy smirked and retook his seat. The Gryffindors looked disgusted as Fabian approached the front of the room, his lip curling as he regarded Roddy before speaking his own peace.

"Were you ever afraid of the dark, or was that strictly metaphorical?" I snickered in Roddy's ear.

"I've never been afraid of anything in my life, Bells," He winked and turned his attention back to Fabian Blood Traitor Prewett who was glaring coldly at us, waiting until we fell into silence before speaking.

"I used to be friends with this awful Slytherin witch in first year," Fabian started, his eyes flickering on my harsh expression of disdain, "I thought she was intelligent until I discovered she was probably insane, and more importantly prejudice. It was then I realized that some people in the wizarding world are still bigots, perhaps I grew up sheltered, but when I was younger, I truly believed everyone knew that we were all equal people of magic. When I discovered this was a fallacy, that's when I lost my trust in people which was furthered with the murder of my parents, by such prejudice people. And I hope to make changes so that the youth of tomorrow truly will view one another as equal and peace can replace war."

"How lovely, blah fucking blah," I whispered to Roddy as the Gryffindors clapped while Fabian gave a mock bow and reclaimed his seat.

"Bella?" Dumbledore smiled, motioning me to take my place in the front of the room. Hating Dumbledore and the curious looks of distaste and loathing on the looks of every Gryffindor. They has this glint in their eyes that swore their undying hatred towards me, which I happily returned, before I took a deep breath and decided to forsake the hatred, and I glanced to Roddy and couldn't help but a smile, a genuine grin that spread across my lips and reminded me, everything I did, I did it for love.

"The happiest day of my life," I smiled, almost entirely losing myself to the sweetness of the memory, "Was the day Roddy proposed to me, because the old cliché is true… all you need is love. At least, all I need is love. And despite rumors about me being heartless and the like, I am to the contrary, my decisions, judge them right or wrong, are rooted in love."

"Thank you, Bella, that was touching," Dumbledore looked satisfied and I smiled at him, a true smile, the smile of a young girl in love, "And sincere, so I do truly thank you."

"Of course, sir," I replied, sitting beside Roddy and clutching his hand, "It was sincere."

I heard a serious of scoffs that were turned into coughing fits under Dumbledore's gaze from the darling Gryffindors across the room. Last and probably least (or tied with Fabian Useless Prewett) Frank Longbottom walked slowly up to the front, coughing again, a real cough, the cough of someone who inhaled a lot of smoke recently, as he regarded the room before him.

"My mother always insisted I'd be an auror," He said, clearing his throat, "And honestly up until a few weeks ago, I'd have found the notion of joining James's band more appealing, but now that I see the amount of evil in the world, I'd love nothing more than to protect the innocent. I have found, recently, that justice is a rarity in this sometimes very cruel world, and I would like to be a defender of it, if only so I know my children can grow up in a world happier than this one."

Dumbledore fawned over Longbottom's reply for several minutes before dismissing us, reminding us to remind ourselves about everything we heard to today. And blabbing about how we weren't ONLY enemies, we were also peers and we should be peers first and foes second, or something, I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about all the ways I'd like to curse the Gryffindors. So I was the last to rise once we were dismissed and hurried to catch up with Roddy who had been the first to bolt out of his seat.

"Sorry Bells," he said as I approached him huffily, the Gryffindors following behind, scowling, "I just had to get out of there. All of those traitor germs were making me ill, you see."

His voice was clearly audible to the Gryffindors skulking behind us.

"Like your new digs?" Fabian called out, "Frank told us how he artfully redecorated. Its more suited for you folks now. It looks more like hell, where you obviously belong."

"It's charming, I witness the redecoration," I turned to face them, walking backwards, not bothering to waste precious time to stop, "You know what else is charming? Smoke inhalation, FatBottom over here can tell you all about that,"

"You'll pay for what you did," Lucius sneered, not even bothering to turn his head, "You'll see. We don't take too kindly to opposition."

"We're all terrified, Malfoy, really," Sirius had the nerve to laugh, "I'm writing my mummy for some comfort."

"Your mummy hates your guts," I giggled, "As does anyone with their priorities right."

"I'd love to see the world through your deranged eyes, just for a second, to try and understand how you justify ANYTHING," Sirius sounded highly amused as we made brief eye contact, "As you for and love? What a bull shit speech. What do you know about love?"

"More than someone who abandonded his family for a band of useless-"

"Don't talk about my friends that way, you fucking bitch, they're an amazing family, but so is a family of flobberworms compared to the family you belong too!"

"How dare you-"

"No, not flobberworms, more like inferi!"

"Ew!" James laughed, "That's just creepy.

"Sirius, change your last name to Potter, no doubt you two nasty love bird will be married in no time" Severus sneered, "And that way Bella and Narcissa won't suffer the burden of sharing your last name."

"Snivellus, go wash your goddamn hair," James just laughed, "Or throw yourself off a cliff."

"I prefer the second," Sirius joined in brightly.

"Sirius, you made a promise to me all those years ago-"

"Yeah, you made one to me too, and broke it into about 700 little jagged pieces." Sirius laughed coldly as he spoke, "You're a sick person, as sick as they come, and you actually strive to be a Death Eater, that's striving to murder innocent people, BELLA, that's disgusting, you should jump off the cliff with Snivelly over here."

"How can you look in the mirror and have the nerve to call anyone else disgusting?" Roddy scoffed harshly, "You're a blemish on the face of society, you're a flaw in the plan. And you're entirely too arrogant without a single achievement to your name, the name you sullied by embracing fools and scum."

"Talk about fools, mate," Sirius laughed, "You're marrying Bella."

"Look Sirius, you're an idiot, you're on the wrong side of a collision course and-"

"Shut up, for a second" Sirius snapped, "That's honestly what you believe?"

"yes, it has to be this way, it has to-"

"You know there is a world at peace somewhere, right?" Sirius said somberly, "Some places where hatred is not spread like a virus. Somewhere where everyone respects one another and people live, people smile, people don't worry about what will happen when they shut off their lights and close their eyes. A world without death, violence, destruction."

"A world without progress?" I insisted coldly, "

"A world in which you will never have a place," He shrugged, "War is your life. You couldn't exist without it, without your precious purpose, without your feeble attempt to claim victory where there is no victory to be claimed. There is no glory in the inglorious path you've chosen."

"There is not glory in your life at all, no glory in your heart, or your side of this war," I spat in anger, "There is not glory in forsaking your family, no glory inside you. There is no glory in defeat."

"There is no defeat in glory," He stated casually, and then simply strode away, into the shadows of the corridor where his figure was lost. Sirius Black walked into the black, into the realm where I knew he was gone forever.

The other Gryffindors followed him, off towards their common room, off towards the wrong side of the collision course. And Roddy, Dolohov, Lucius, Severus, and I walked together smiling.

"No matter what any fool attempts to claim," Lucius said calmly, reassuringly, "No matter how many blood traitors attack us, no matter the amount of desks they reduce to ash, we rise from those ashes, we grow in strength every day, while they fade, faster and faster."

"They'll see," I smiled, clutching Roddy's hand, "I can't wait to show them."

And through it all, I retain the notion that we do live in a beautiful world.

Only it is more beautiful for some than for others.

And there was something tragically beautiful about the burning of our classroom, our castle, our kingdom. And there was something tragically amusing in all of the Gryffindor's speeches, something almost endearing about the lost causes. There is almost something brave in Longbottom's actions in the dungeon classroom.

Almost.

Almost, almost.

And I live in a beautiful world where I know that which is right will surely triumph. And this I approach the collision course bravely, prepared to sacrifice, prepared for victory.

Prepared to be a warrior, prepared to be martyr, prepared to be whomever, and whatever the Dark Lord requires of me.

I fight for love.

All you need is love. There's no one you can save that can't be saved.

All you need is love.

Love,

Bella


	25. The Cruelest Savoir

February 4th,

Dear Diary,

I strongly dislike the month of February. It is gloomy. Not in the beautiful way hat our burned out dungeon classroom was gloomy, that was a glorious tragedy that slept in the gloom. No, February is simply lonely, empty, no divine tragedy but endless gloom. I imagine hell is like a permanent February. Not cold enough for snow, but cold enough for bitter rain. Not warm enough for flowers, but warm enough to turn perfectly fine frozen ground into thick mud. It is my least favorite month.

Since the burning of our meeting room, we have tried a medley of alternatives. Firstly, we attempted to use the room of requirement, our original location once more, but were ONCE MORE interrupted but a few choice uninvited guests, the same lot, all of whom we succeeded in cursing after fleeing the room. We then attempted to hold the meetings outside, much to my own displeasure seeing as its still bloody freezing, but we were, again, found by our enemies.

Thus our only solution has been to wait until nearly 2am when the Slytherin common room is empty and hold our meetings in hushed tones in the dim light of the common room candles, our eyes constantly flickering towards the stairs lest someone descend onto our clan descent meeting.

With all the distruption the relocation process had caused the DEY was in quite the foul mood. Lucius especially, and the question circling in everyone's minds was: How? How did the traitors continue to discover our hiding place no matter where we gathered?

Treason, traitor, these were the words that floated through the air, silent, but as prevalent as the fire light glowing on each of our stone faces, waiting for the meeting to commence under Lucius's command. He sat behind a desk he had summoned. The rest of us had gathered chairs of poofs and made ourselves comfortable on the floor. And by the rest of us, I mean everyone besides myself, who as vie president, perched myself atop Lucius's summon desk. He regarded the group coldly as we awaited his commencement.

"It seems," Lucius began his eyes glittering with fury, "That we have a traitor in our midst. And it seems he is deserving of punishment. Welcome to judgment day, you have committed treason against the Death Eater Youth. Step up and claim your prize…or call it punishment, if you will…. And undoubtedly- you will."

"You know who the traitor is, old boy?" Roddy asked skeptically, glancing around the trusted faces in our make shift circle before Lucius and I.

"I have a theory almost beyond doubt," Lucius drawled haughtily, "Regulus Black! Stand and face those you betrayed?"

Reggie burst into laughter, "You think it was ME, mate?"

"Who else?" Lucius seethed, "We let you in, after you follow us, no less, and all of a sudden your BROTHER-"

"Whom I despise-" he cut in amused.

"and his nasty little friends start appearing everywhere we meet! If its not you, then who is? No one else makes sense. You're the newest member-"

"Its not Reggie," I snapped, glaring at Lucius, "He has a heart of-"

"A heart of silver and green, you imbecile," Reggie interrupted, standing fro the cushion had made himself comfrtoable on with Severus and Junior on either side of him both looking unconvinced by Lucius's reasoning.

"Then who, Reggie?" Lucius drawled coldly, "Who besides you?"

"Maybe its you, for all we bloody know," Reggie rolled his handsome dark eyes, "Maybe its Bella, because we know she just ADORES Fabian about as much as I ADORE my so-called brother Sirius. Perhaps it's a spy house elf, who also happens to be invisible! Or maybe they have a magic bloody compass with an arrow pointing towards 'Future death Eaters'-"

"THAT'S IT!" Severus jumped up, knocking hard into Dolohoc who was on his other side, who glared at him, rubbing his offended shoulder soothingly.

"They have a magic Death Eater compass?" Roddy said, holding back laughter, "Where exactly does one buy such an object?"

"Blood Traitor's R Us," Reggie scoffed, "All the latest technology on tracking and attacking pureblood Slytherins. Or there's always Flourish and Blood Traitors, with books on the subjects, and-"

"Oh shut up," Severus snapped, "They have a map… Some sort of sick weirdo Gryffindor map that Sirius, Lupin, Potter, and fatass Pettigrew manufactured. It tells the position and location of everyone in the castle. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner, the little scumbags have been stalking us on their scummy map!"

"How do you know such a map exists, Severus?" Lucius narrowed his eyes in curiousity and suspicion.

"Because I've seen the bloody thing of course," Severus sighed heavily, "There is a tale I've never told…"

"Then tell it," Lucius sighed impatiently, tapping his wand on the desk in an irritating fashion.

"I was… following Lupin because he disappears so often, I mean he's ill that often? Yeah, my hippogriffs fat ass I thought. So I followed him and got attacked by the whomping willow, and Potter, to my immense disdain, saved me, because Sirius told me where to follow Loopy Lupin, as a joke of course, misleading me to my near death. Potter new my exact location because of the cursed map. My pride and I kept this little incident a secret since… well, two weeks ago."

"Your pride and yourself should speak up for often, Sev," Lucius sounded annoyed, "But at least now we have answers-"

Reggie coughed conspicuously, "False accusations usually warrant apologies."

"Sorry for suspecting the one person whom all the evidence pointed to, you cheeky brat." Lucius laughed dismissively, "Now I suppose this common room, after the rest of the school is fast asleep, is our only choice because they cannot infiltrate our house. It is inconvenient, yes, but impossible? Not nearly. I expect no one's loyalty to the meetings or they DEY to waver, in the real army of our Lord you will be expected to accomplish much higher tasks than losing a bit of shut eye. So I have your allegiance, my proud members?"

"Aye!" "Of course!" "Without question!" "Long live the DEY!" were shouted in response, along with my favorite sarcastic murmur from Reggie, "Of course King Lucius,".

"Excellent, than we can move forward," Lucius clapped his hands together delightedly, "Who has plans for the Valentine's day dance?"

"Well first of all," Roddy spoke first, his strong voice so commanding, as was his presence, "I'm spiking the punch with a potent variety of alcohol that has no taste, but a simply beautiful effect. It will put all the other students off their game, giving us an advantage and a very entertaining evening, if I do say so myself."

"What an intoxicating start," Lucius smirked, "Other plans, my legions?"

"I wanna punch Loopy Loony Lupin in his loser face," Crabbe smiled broadly, clenching his massive fists in an aggressive manner.

"No," Lucius laughed shortly, "Though I appreciate both your dedication and alliteration, no open violence. Humiliation strictly. Its more damaging to their false sense of pride, and less damaging to our reputations among the teachers should we get caught."

"A little punching never hurt anybody," Goyle drunted.

"Actually, yes it does hurt them, and physically might I add, thus it is an inadequate solution," Lucius sighed, Now, any legitimate ideas?"

"Steal and destroy that fucking map?" Severus suggested furiously, "if Potter and company are drunk and dizzied up in the Valentine's day haze, what the fuck will they notice if a little slip pf parchment goes missing from their robe's?"

"Now we're talking," Lucius grinned, "You and your team are on that, and try and embarrass them somehow once you retrieve it as well, do something like curse their hair blue when their not looking."

"I was going to tell moaning myrtle that Sirius Black had a crush on her and wanted to be her Valentine," Dolohov sneered.

"Good, good, and in the spirit of Valentine's day love," Lucius chuckled, "I approve."

"What about a swift kick-"

"No violence, Crabbe, for Merlin's sake, we've been through this," Lucius said through gritted teeth while the room snickered.

"Also for Sirius," Reggie spoke out boldly, "How about some fire whiskey chocolates with a potion in their deliciously tempting center?"

"And what will this potion contain, Regulus?"

"Call me Reggie, dammit," he laughed good naturedly, "And it shall contain Snape's veriserum, if he will be compliant, and thus we can ask him both embarrassing and useful questions and for once the truth will pour from that traitoring mouth."

"Beautiful," Lucius couldn't help but smile, "Simply beautiful. Sev?"

"Beautiful," Severus repeated, glowing, "Its war."

"And its on," Dolohov licked his thin lips hungrily.

"And to think. Lucius, you thought me a traitor," Reggie sneered.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?" Lucius asked, not aggressively but seriously.

"Take a good hard look, no scratch that, take a fucking GLANCE at Sirius and answer that for yourself." Reggie chortled.

"Well, that's a no then," Severus laughed along.

"She's always busy yelling about our supremacy and cuddling with our house elf," Reggie grinned, "The Black family, toujours pur, is above manners."

"Concurred!" I exclaimed, applauding Reggie.

"Bella is another fine example of that," Lucius sneered, " Now Bella you've been unusually quiet this evening. What does that stunningly evil mind have concocting for Fabian Prewett?"

"It's a surprise," I grinned, my mind racing with my plan, just wait until you see my plan, just wait until I write about it. I cannot detail it now, for I do not wish to record it until it is a success. Its like a wish, you don't tell a soul, not even a paper diary, if you want it to come true.

"I hate surprises," Lucius frowned slightly, "You also hate Fabian. As do I. Now trust me on this one. Its going to be the epitome of brilliant, I swear on Salazar."

"Fine, I'll be a fool and place my trust in you, you little psycho," Lucius said half playfully half irritable as he dismissed the meeting, and admist the crowd of yawns and stretches Roddy and I embraced and shared a longing kiss of good night, when we really wished it said good morning.

"What is your plan?" He asked, whispering slowly in my ear as the crowd of DEY members thinned.

"If I told you, my beloved," I whispered back, my lips so close to his ear, they briefly caressed it, "I'd have to kill you." 

"I wouldn't put that past her," Severus joked as he walked by, earning a glare from my narrowed eyes as he departed.

"It must be good, I've never seen you this quiet." Roddy remarked as I released his hand, headed for my bed that awaited me with open blankets.

"Good?" I laughed, ascending the stairs, "It shall redefine brilliant, my darling."

And with that, the DEY was back in full swing.

And as for Valetine's day? With each approaching minute, I smile a little wider. Bring on the day of love so I can embrace my hatred.

Love,  
Bella

February 9th,

Dear Diary,

Junior, Severus, Roddy, and I decided to watch the Slytherin quiddich practice seeing as it was the first day of this forsaken month where it was raining and/or freezing. So, together we trekked out into the mud of the late winter afternoon and cheered on Lucius and Reggie, both of whom were on the team, Lucius player chaser this year while Reggie took over as seeker. Adonis Flint, the object of Carla's latest affections was the keeper, while Crabbe and Goyle served as beaters. Severus's friends and fellow DEY members , Wilkes, and Mulciber were the other two chasers, and regarding our assembled team, I smiled. They were a vision of Slytherin and pureblood future, and they were so elegant as they streamed across the gray sky, littered with patches of blue.

It was such a lovely day until Gideon, Justin Wood, Frank, and Fabian appeared, climbing up the stairs, and having the uncalled for audacity to sit beside us, all of them holding their brooms, apparently waiting for their turn to discolor the quiddich pitch with their dirty blood.

"So how are you, future Death Eaters?" Fabian greeted in a voice of forced politeness, "It's a lovely day or a murder, isn't it?"

"If the target is your ugly face, then absolutely," I smiled back, my own voice a more believable imitation of a polite tone.

"Always so gracious," Frank laughed, "You're just such a delight."

"Can't say the same about a flilthy blood traitor," I spat, "Would you all mind MOVING? We're going to get dirt all over us from your proximity."

"I think we're just fine right here, Bella, sweetheart," Frank sneered, "Perhaps you and the scum you associate with should relocate?"

"Ever wonder what falling off the stands at this height would feel like, Longbottom?" Roddy asked conversationally, though there was a cold glint in his eyes.

"Not really," Longbottom shrugged.

"Why don't you enlighten us?" Fabian sneered and suddenly the bench we sat on and all below us disappeared, and the air was filled with screams.

It was Lucius who grabbed Severus, swinging into a violent dive, and Goyle who was likewise nearby that managed to grab Roddy and Junior by their robes before they made contact with the ground.

But to my surprise, and ultimate disgust, it was Longbottom who caught me.

I remember the sound of the screams for help, the weakness escaping our proud lips as we feel through swift cold air that rushed violently in our ears, and I rememeber feeling as though my stomach jumped out of my body, and my heart exploded, and I remember my neck wincing in pain as I exellerated downward and I remember closing my eyes as the dreaded ground grew ever closer, and suddenly, so suddenly I was safe.

And I open my eyes to see my savoir and before me stood Frank Longbottom looking thoroughly aggravated, and heard his voice shouting at Fabian about being expelled for almost seriously injuring the insane Death Eater girl, and I blinked and gasped before fully grasping the lunacy of the situation.

They were talking about me, as Fabian screamed he wouldn't have been expelled and would have surely been awarded a medal for supreme school service were I to be injured or killed by my wall, and I realized, with the same shocking feeling as when my stomach jumped from my body, that I was so filled with hatred.

"YOU!" I shouted toward Fabian, still shaking in Frank's arms as my Slytherin comrades slid unsteadily to their feet, "HOW DARE YOU! THAT'S ATTEMPTED MURDER, I'M GOING STRAIGHT TO SLUGHORN-"

"Running to the teachers?" Fabian laughed harshly from above, standing to address me from as high as he possibly could, as though being physically above me could somehow grant him any definition of an upper hand.

"I FELL FROM THE TOP OF THE BLOODY STANDS!" I screamed, frank tighting his grip on me almost comfortingly as everyone else stood, too shocked to say or do much of anything expect inhale and exhale rather frantically, "I COULD HAVE DIED!"

"IF ONLY!" was his harsh reply.

"Why'd you save her, Frank?" Fabian turned to his friend, who I pushed myself away from, stumbling into Roddy's arms, which held me up, for my legs were too shaky to adequately hold my body, vibrating with uncontrollable fury.

"FOR YOU, ASSHOLE!" Frank called out, "YOU WANT TO BE SUSPENDED? EXPELLED? HAVE A BAD REP? GO TO FUCKING AZKABAN FOR MURDER?"

"ITS ONLY MURDER IF IT'S A PERSON!" Fabian spat.

"YOU SOUND LIKE BELLATRIX HERSELF!" Frank screamed, "GET A HOLE OF YOURSELF, SHE'S A BITCH, BUT SHE'S HUMAN, FOR GODRIC'S SAKE! GET A BLOODY GRIP OR JOIN THE DEATH EATERS! BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO- THEY DEHUMANIZE AND MURDER! YOU WANT TO BE A BLOODY DEATH EATER? BREAK BREAD WITH MALFOY AND LESTRANGE? CHAT UP THE MORNING MURDERS WITH SEVERUS EVERY MORNING?"

"that's not.." Fabians voice was lost, as was his conviction.

"I know," Frank sighed, and jumped back on his broom. Then paused before flying away. He stared at me from where I stood half paralyzed in Roddy's soothing arms, "Um, you're welcome?"

"You didn't do it for me," I spat furiously, "I'm not saying thank you for a favor you paid to your psycho bitch of a friend up there in the stands. You can take your fake valiance and shove it up your arse, Longbottom."

"Were you never hugged as a child or something?" Longbottom snickered, still motionless on his broom, "What made you such a… complete and total pureblood Slytherin princess BITCH?"

"The truth made me who I am," I snapped, "The necessity for this war made me who I am! People like you and the Prewetts and Sirius make me who I am!"

"I'd really prefer not to be held accountable for your insanity, you fucking cunt," Longbottom laughed harshly.

"Then don't be such a complete and totally repulsive disgrace to the wizarding world," I smiled sweetly and leaned forward, slapping him hard in the face, and whipping out my wand, and with a flick the worlds "Muggle Fucker" wrote themselves upon his forehead in large purple pimples.

The Slytherins exploded in laughter as he glanced at his reflection from his prefect badge, looking irate.

"That's the thanks you get for saving her worthless arse!" Gideon called down, his arm around his furious brother.

"There's nothing worthless about her body!" Fabian snickered, leering down to me, "Its her mind/soul/heart we have issues with."

"Is that for burning down you wee meeting room?" Frank asked, touching his afflicted forehead gingerly, frowning deeply, "Or for saving your fucking life, whore?"

"Its for being a blood traitor," I laughed, "You'll get what's coming to you for your pyromania all in good time, slime ball."

"And for this?" Frank pointed to his forehead, "I give you this-"

He raised his wand but not before Roddy and I both put up sheidl charms, sending the curse back to him and belched slugs. Laughing we turned our backs to our wounded Gryffindor, but somehow, amidst the slugs he shot one more curse. It hit me square in the back and suddenly I was covered in mud that had dug itself up from the soft ground below me.

"You say we're dirty?" Frank sneered, wiping slugs from his chin, "Doesn't look that way to me"

"You-" I screamed but Roddy and Junior were pulling me back, Severus holding up his wand in warning.

"Walk away Bella, its just a little dirt," Junior coaxed softly.

"I've never walked away from anything in my life!" I informed him bitterly and shot my wand, saying the incantation in my head, flinging the mud from my own body onto Frank.

"Now that's more appropriate!" Roddy chuckled appreciatevly, wiping the remainders of the mud from my hair and cheek, kissing me sweetly.

"You don't stop do you?" Frank's eyes glittered dangerously as he cleaned himself with his own wand.

"What do I look like?" I sneered, "A Hufflepuff?"

"You look like a stuck up slut," Fabian called from above, unhelpfully.

"That sounds about right," Frank agreed, hiccoping fresh slugs down his front, and waving his wand one last time, and suddenly the world went back.

The bastard stunned me. In retaliation I was later told as I awoke on a couch in the Slytherin common room to Roddy, Lucius, Sev, Dolohov, Cissy, and Reggie, Roddy has stunned him as well and he nearly choked to death on slugs.

"He'll get what's coming to him," Roddy whispered soothingly, stroking my hair.

"No one stuns me," I hissed, gripping the edges of the couch in fury.

"Then get him back," Reggie grinned mischievously over me.

"My thoughts exactly," I nodded, "I'll be back,"

And though I remained woozy, I jumped from the couch, ignoring the protests and allowing only Roddy and Reggie to accompany me to the exit, I explained, "I have to do it on my own, or its not my revenge and I've lost again."

Reluctantly they let me exit, on shaky legs I raced towards the Slytherin portrait where Mary MacDonald, a friend of the Evans Mud Blood was entering.

"You!"I called to her, racing towards the fat lady and all she promised to hold inside, "If Frank Longbottom is in there, will you tell him to come out briefly for a word?"

"You're that crazy Bellatrix Black girl, a Slytherin," She wrinkled her round nose in distaste and I rolled my eyes impatiently, "They say it's a bad idea to get on your bad side."

"Then just get Frank for me, Gryffindor," I sighed irritably, "I won't forget it."

"Tell Avery and Mulciber to stay the hell away from me," She bargained swiftly.

"Fine, as long as Frank comes out, and comes out ALONE, you can consider it done." I urged her forward as she whispered the password and disappeared without another word.

Frank climbed out a moment later, the words still written in pimples across his forehead and a sour expression on his reasonably attractive face, his baby fat still lingering on his half way defined cheek bones and his large blue eyes narrowed in hatred.

"What the fuck do you want, Bellatrix?" He demanded, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Justice, dear sir," I grinned.

"And what does that consist of?" He tapped his foot in an impatient manner.

I moved very quickly, silencing him first, and then with a breathless whisper my the incantation, "Crucio" escaped my lips for the first time, and he crumbled to the stone floor, and if he could, I was sure he'd have been screaming. I stopped after a moment, a smile deepening on my face as I regarded him curled up in pain, "Thanks for saving my life, blood traitor,"

I turned to leave, forgetting I had already made this mistake once, and as soon as I turned my back, he must have lifted his weak and shaking arm and managed to silently curse me, for I was hit, abruptly with the body bind curse again.

He walked slowly and shakily over to me, and waved his wand in the air so the words appeared to replace his lost speech

"You should have let it go when you had the chance"

The letters were a lovely cursive, bright red with a gold outline and suddenly, his weak body grabbed my paralyzed one and dragged me over his shaky shoulder. He carried me inside the Gryffindor common room which reacted in screams of both fear and excitement.

Fabian and Gideon raced over as he threw me on a couch.

"She crucio'd me," Frank said once Fabian gave him his voice back.

"What should we do?" Gideon asked, regarding me with the utmost contempt.

"Throw her out the bloody window," Fabian suggested brutally, "Let her die, that's unforgivable mate."

"Tell McGonagall," Justin urged, joining the group, as I mentally cursed them all wishing I could reach my wand in my robes pocket, wishing I could move at all.

"So she can tell Slughorn I almost killed her?" Fabian reminded him in a whisper as the entire common room seemed to be listening in.

"Fair point," Gideon nodded, "So, now what?"

"We're keeping her as bait," Fabian said suddenly, "OWL Roddy and Lucius, tell them to come get her and we'll ambush them!"

"Its not them I'm after," Frank scowled down, "Its her."

"So, almightily Longbottom," Justin teased, "What are you going to do?"

He waved his wand without a word and suddenly the words "Death Eater Whore " wrote themselves in his elegant red and gold cursive across my upper chest where my cleavage met my neckline, The words burned my skin. I would have yelped unwilling if I had the capability.

He then leaned forward and tore my robe down exposing a bit of cleavage so the words were entirely visible, he then whispered something to Lupin who returned, looking confused until he saw my chest and then frowned, but still, he handed Longbottom his camera, and I glared haughtily, summoning as much pride into my eyes as I could as the flash went off and the Gryffindors roared with laughed.

It was then that Frank threw me up on his shoulder again, the Gryffindor common room putting the picture up proudly displayed on their bulletin board, the words clearly visible and my breasts looking huge, and to their applauding he carried me out of the portrait hole, Gideon and Fabian following close behind snickers on both their cold faces.

"Learn something today?" Frank asked, and though I was paralyzed he could tell me the look in my eyes I had learned only how much I truly hated his guts. His blood traitor guts.

"Well, you will," And with that, he continued to carry me until he reached the Great Hall, it was empty because It was shortly before dinner. He hoisted me onto the Slytherin table without care, proably bruising me as my body made hard contact with the wooden surface.

"Now its not a secret." He snickered.

Frank and Gideon turned to talk away, but Fabian hung back and as though he couldn't help himself he smacked me hard across the face before leaving.

"You already almost killed her, that's enough violence against woman for the day, Fab!" Frank laughed and that was the last thing I heard before th chattering of nearby voices and echoing of footsteps as the student body entered the Great Hall for the evening's dinner. It was Rosier who found me first, accompanied by Wilkes, Mulciber, and the Carrows. He reversed the body bind, choking on his laughter and I crossed my arms as best I could over the words on my chest. It was Roddy who appeared next, gave me his cloak to conceal my punishment and assured me swift and acute vengeance, alongside Lucius, Severus, and Dolohov.

I am waiting for Severus to find the antidote for the words cruelly scrawled across my chest.

It was a dreadful day.

And as I lay in my bed, knowing I had a wonderful fiancé, a glorious amount of power for such a young girl, a wonderful little sister, a lovely group of friends, and the blessing of the Dark Lord, I felt so very small, so very weak.

And I cried, tears of fury and helplessness into my pillow. Silent tears, the kind that burn and choke, the kind only you know of, the secret sort of despair that lingers, the suffocating type of tears that hurt as much to cry as they do to hold back. But I let myself cry.

For soon I will let myself avenge my name, glory, and power.

For soon I will not be the one to shed a tear for defeat.

No, it will not be I.

Frank Longbottom has signed on for some sort of retribution even I cannot yet fathom. But believe me, he will beg me one day, beg for mercy, for forgiveness, and I will at him the way he looked at me: with contempt, pity and disgust. And I will do to him what he did to me. I will take his pride and shred it. I will take his identity and write over it.

I will take my magic and destroy him.

I hope his forehead still bears my inscription and I hope when he falls asleep he sees my face, and knows he has drastically shortened his life span, and condemned himself to my wrath.

Judgment day will be glorious

And these tears, all these burning tears, he will pay for every single one of them.

I must sleep

And pray Severus can cure me pf these words, for I don't have that many high collared sweaters and cloaks.

I usually feel love, that is my usual medium of fuel.

Well, today it is all about hate. The visiouc kind, the burning choking kind, very much like my tears.

And hate, well, I almost had forgotten its sheer undiluted power.

I do not accept defeat kindly.

In fact, I will not accept it at all.

Just wait. Oh, just wait.

Love,

Bella

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Hope you enjoyed it, please please review, it's the best cure for writer's block

Anyway, I has big plans for v-day =]

Let me know what you thinkkkk

And read my new story "Petal" if you have the chance. But more importantly, enjoy Bella!! I really love your reviews, I appreciate them so muchhh!

Love

Your devoted author


	26. Hogwarts: A Future

February 11th,

Professor Slughorn approached me the other day asking if I would be interested in being interviewed for Witch Weekly, as they are currently doing a special on Hogwarts students during this out breaking war. He said I would be the female representative of Slytherin, should I accept, which I did immediately with a smirk. A chance to tell the wizarding world anything I wanted? Yes, please. Lucius, naturally, was chosen as the male representative so we went to meet the Witch Weekly's newest reporter in Hogsmeade today. It's the Saturday before Valentine 's Day and thus a Hogsmeade trip is in place for all the little love birds. And apparently for all the little chirping birds ready to embrace the chance to explain the inner workings of Hogwarts, a shelter from the war, or a kindling fireplace for its soldiers?

"It should have been me," Roddy said, puffing his chest out pompously, as we walked along the road towards Hogsmeade, bundled it coats on the sunny but freezing winter afternoon, "I could have represented Slytherin with charm and wit that Malfoy simply does not possess."

"I'm quiddich captain, prefect-"

"No one cares," Roddy cut off Lucius with a yawn.

"Apparently, Witch Weekly cares," Lucius replied smugly, earning laughs from Severus and Dolohov who walked beside us, their silver and green scarves tied over half their faces, red with cold.

"Who was chosen from the other houses?" Dolohov inquired curiously as the road widened and the village grew closer, the warmth they promised beckoning us forth.

"Well from Hufflepuff-"

"You mean they managed to find qualified Huffypuffys?" Roddy snorted.

"Its Amelia Bones and Ned MaciMillian." Lucius continued ignoring Roddy, "No surprise there, those two are their seventh year prefects. From Ravenclaw is Amos Diggory, that arrogant git in sixth year, and Lo Chang, Donald Chang's sister, the little Asian girl."

"What trash did they dig up from Gryffindor?" Severus asked, physically cringing.

"Gideon Prewett, our head boy of course," Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Head prat more like it," Roddy added scowling, "And the Gryffindor girl?"

"Lily Mudblood Evans," Lucius chuckled, "Didn't you used to fancy her, Sev?"

"We were friends before I really realized the difference between purebloods and mudbloods," he said defensively, "It was a childhood thing, fuck off."

"Sounds like you're carrying a torch for the mudblood if you ask me, Sev," I snickered.

"Good thing nobody asked you," He snapped back, "And you should be thanking me for finding the potion that took the words of your chest, you ungrateful cow."

"Does Longbottom's long forehead still ay muggle fucker?" Lucius asked, laughing to himself.

"Not since yesterday," I pouted, "But I like to think I got the best of that situation."

"You like to think you get the best of every situation," Severus reminded me, smirking.

"I like the truth," I smirked back smugly, tossing my long shining hair over my shoulder, noticing a third year trip and fall as he watched me. I scoffed.

"I have some competition," Roddy chortled brightly, "Should I curse the little brat?"

"Nah, he's a slyth," Dolohov laughed, "Let it go, man."

"If he was a Gryffindor he'd have a problem," Roddy grinned and threw his arm over my shoulders.

"If he was a Gryffindor that in itself would be a problem" I pointed out as we finally reached the cobblestone village streets, "Lucius and I have our interview in like ten minutes, we're going second after the Hufflepuffs,"

"Meet you in Zonkos in half an hour?" Roddy smiled, kissing me briefly.

"It's a date," I winked and scurried off to the promised warmth of the three broomsticks with Lucius by my side

"What do you think they'll ask us?" I wondered aloud as we opened the heavy front door.

"How we're coping with the war, what our favorite class is, blah, blah," Lucius appeared disinterested as we saw Amelia and Ned finishing up with a young woman in the corner who had out a floating parchment and quill that wrote without her hand.

"Looks like she's our reporter," I nodded towards the corner as Amelia and Ned donned their coats and gloves offering us weak smiles that neither Lucius nor I returned.

"Hello darlings!" the reporter's dark eyes lit up when she saw us. She had a thick jaw and thin lips that were painted bright red and her chestnut hair was curled into tight ringlets around her masculine face. I vaguely recognized her as a recent Slytherin graduate, and smiled politely as Lucius and I took our seats.

"Hi," Lucius said, his voice and expression blank as she beamed at us.

"I took the liberty of ordering you two some butter beer," She said brightly as the bar matron delivered us two warm cups and left with a brief smile.

"Thanks, Mrs-"

"Its Ms. Skeeter," She corrected me immediately, still grinning like a mad woman, "But you can call me Rita. I was a Slytherin myself. Graduated years ago. I remember you two little rascals! Tell me, are you still dating? The infamous collision of the Malfoy and Black clan!"

"Uh no actually," I laughed, putting my arm around Lucius hoping to appear cordial, "I'm with Roddy Lestrange, erm Lucius and I remain good friends."

I noticed her quill was scribbling madly across the parchment, too quickly for me to read what it said before Rita moved on.

"How do you feel about this war outside Hogwarts?" She asked, leaning forwards, "Do you feel safe in Hogwarts? Are you scared? Do you take comfort in your peers? Is Hogwarts your sanctuary?"

"War is the natural evolution of society," Lucius said calmly, and I laughed slightly.

"What is funny, Ms. Black?" Rita asked keenly, her quill still racing away.

"Please, do call me Bella," I insisted before going on, "And I just found his answer very honest. I concur with his statement. And yes, I feel safe in Hogwarts. But I feel safe outside of Hogwarts too. What do I have to fear? I'm a pureblood, aren't I? I don't know why I ask, of course I am. So, really, there's not a dark alley in the wizarding world I should be afraid of."

"Really?" Rita looked intrigued, "A tiny little thing like you isn't afraid of anything? Of anyone?"

"I don't really DO fear," I explained smirking, "Nor does Lucius."

"It's true, we feel its unnecessary," Lucius nodded curtly,

"And as for taking comfort in our peers?" I repeated her question, a mischevious smile across my lips, "Absolutely. As long as you are referring to fellow Slytherins. We're very close. We rely on each other, have study groups, and support groups. We're a big ambitious and cunning family."

"Hogwarts is a sanctuary of learning and progress, and we feel very at home there," Lucius finished for me, smirking at my responses.

"How do you feel about the other houses?" Rita inquired, biting her lip in her curiosity, "Do you have friends in the other houses? Rivalries?'

"We have a friend or two in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff," Lucius drawled, looking bored, "I'll allow Bella to deal with the subject of rivalries."

And here was my moment

And I took it.

"Well, the Gryffindors, I think you and everyone else should know, are nothing more than little hypocrites! Take the Prewett boys for example, Gideon and Fabian- they assaulted us in Hogsmeade on Christmas eve, tied us up and left us in a cave. They were drunk of course, and had the help of Frank Longbottom, James Potter, Ted Tonks, and Sirius Black."

"Isn't Sirius your cousin?" Rita's eyes lit up with every new bit of information I relayed.

"Unfortunately," I sighed, feigning great sadness, "He left our family, broke his mother's heart, stormed out thinking he was too good for his rich pureblood upbringing and dishonored us all by causing mischief in school, always winding up in detention… it's so sad, he was such a lovely child."

"Any precious childhood memories to share?" She asked as Lucius tried not to laugh and I lightly sipped my warm butter beer.

"We used to have snowball fights together," I sighed longingly, "We'd play some pranks on my sisters and his wee brother, we'd swap chocolate frog cards… The other Gryffindors changed him, they made him believe that in order to be brave, he had to be cruel and disrespectful, and now look how the mighty have fallen…"

"I see, I see, and any other misdeeds by the Prewetts?" Rita smiled encouragingly

"Oh certainly," I nodded, frowning, "Once Fabian cursed all my clothes off, I think he may be a pervert. Also they shout horrible things at us and sometimes, they curse first years in the hallway, just for fun! And Frank Longbottom once cursed swear words onto my chest that took days to remove, but that's only because I'm sure he's mentally unbalanced, I don't blame him really, he is fighting the battle of his homosexuality. Its just the group of them, these Gryffindors are so aggressive. I'm not saying they're mean… but well, I don't think they're kind."

"This has been very enlightening, you are a charming young girl, Bella," Rita looked thrilled, "What would you like to do when you finish up your schooling?"

"I'd like to be an activist for equality," I lied, and directed my laughter towards Lucius who spit in Rita's face when the words came from my mouth in his own burst of laughter.

"That sounds lovely," Rita nodded, wiping her face, glaring briefly at Lucius, "And you Lucius?"

"The same," He said, trying desperately to keep a straight face, "We feel discriminated against as Slytherins, and its time someone stepped forward and said- Let's all be friends."

"What a wonderful sentiment!" She beamed, "And a wonderful interview, I thank you both for your time and honesty!"

"It was a pleasure," I assured her, standing as I finished the last of my butter beer and Lucius wiped his shirt with his napkin from where he spit it out in a fit of laughter.

"I'll send you a free copy when they're released tomorrow!," She said as we turned to leave, "Enjoy your early Valentine's day!"

We waved and smiled appreciatively and as soon as we exited the building, became absorbed into laughter just as Lily Evans and Gideon Prewett approached the door.

"What's so funny, Death Eaters?" Gideon asked harshly.

"Your face," I spat back, unconcerned with my lack or originality or maturity, "Have a nice interview, she's a lovely woman, that Rita Skeeter."

"She recently did a profile on why Slytherin was the finest of the four houses," Lily informed me disapprovingly and my expectations for the article soared, "She must be atrocious."

"Make your own decision upon meeting her mudblood," I rolled my eyes as they made to enter the Three Broomsticks, "And I can't wait to see you both at Slughorns Valentine's day party on the 14th."

"Oh yes, how wonderful it will be to see someone I hate on the day of love," Lily mumbled sarcastically.

"Save a dance for me, mudlood," I snickered as Lucius and I crossed the street, grateful to enter Zonkos and breathe in warm air.

"How'd it go?" Roddy practically bounced on me once the door swung shut behind me, and I found myself standing before joke quills and wands that turned into chickens, and my fiancé, who looks extremely pleased to see me while Severus and Dolohov followed, both with armfuls of items.

"It went beautifully, darling," I smirked.

"Details?" Roddy pressed, enclosing his hand in my own while his other hand was laden with a very heavy bag of purchased joke shop merchandise.

"Details to come tomorrow," I giggled, "Let me just say, I am highly anticipating this article."

"As am I," Lucius looked thoroughly satisfied, "the reporter was a Slytherin as well, if that should give you any indication of the angle she will most likely be taking. Also Bella is quite the embellisher."

"How so?" Severus asked, his eyes looked hungry for information.

"Oh just you wait," I grinned and clapped him on the back in a friendly manner, "Now can we please go get drunk? The best part of Hogsmeade is fire whiskey."

"Ah ladies and gentleman, this is the woman I am to marry!" Roddy teased as the five of us left the shop absorbed in bright conversation of Severus's new goblet which insulted the drinker loudly and publically.

The Hogs Head was almost empty, ignoring the arguing goblins at the bar or the third year Ravenclaws at a side table sipping fire whiskey with guilty smiles on their faces.

After Severus fetched the drinks in their usual dirty mugs, we held them out and toasted.

"To love!" I called out thinking of Roddy and the Dark Lord, and the DEY, and the hope I held in the future.

"To hate!" Dolohov added with a short laugh, no doubt thinking of our rivalries.

"To destiny!" Lucius chimed in, thinking of his impending graduation

"To friendship," Roddy grinned, looking at each of our beaming faces.

"Fine, to friendship you Hufflepuff faggot," Lucius laughed, and with that we clanked our glasses together loudly, a sound like a bell, and then we drank, the warm liquid filled with promises and hopes. They tasted like vitality. They tasted like fire.

"Look at how far the DEY has come, look at how we've grown," Roddy said, his voice brimming with pride.

"We're a bunch of drunks in a dirty bar with a lot of dreams!" I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Nay," He shook his head, "we're warriors in training. We are the future!"

"Cheers!" Lucius cried, holding up his glass in agreement, "And the future is now!"

All in all, dearest diary, it was a lovely day.

We walked back to school in good, but slightly frozen, spirits.

Tomorrow comes the article.

On Valentine's day comes the dance

And with the dance comes vengeance.

And every day brings us closer to the moment when we become true Death Eaters. Every tomorrow is a step forward.

Happy Early Valentine's Day, diary, for it's one we shall always remember.

Love always,

Bella

February 13th,

Let me begin with the owl post that commenced my day- the article in Witch Weekly, entitled

"_Hogwarts: A future"_

_ After interviewing a male and female representative chosen according by the head of each of their respective houses, it is clear to see that in a world where nothing is certain, our children our certainly our future. So who are these children we've put our faith and FATE into?_

_It seems, after many conversations with many of our student representatives, that our future lies in the pretty hands of Bellatrix Black and Lily Evans._

_These two vivacious girls have provided me, and the wizarding world, with insight onto the on goings of the school where we place our children and our trust._

"_The school is in its own kind of war, its even slightly distracting from the true war outside our walls," Quotes Lily Evans a beautiful muggle-born prefect Gryffindor in her 5__th__ year in attendance at Hogwarts._

"_Sometimes I wonder, whats the difference between us all anyway?" Evans sighed, tears threatening to fall from her striking green eyes, "I mean, we all want what's best for wizard and witch kind, we just have different… methods… of achieving this harmony. But I think united we stand."_

_Likewise, the simply stunning vision with gleaming dark hair and eyes to match, skin as pale as winter snow and a smile to stop any man on his brook stick, the 6__th__ year Slytherin Bellatrix Black expressed her desire to become an activist for equality, sincerely sickened by the inter house turmoil and finding solace in her Slytherin peers, stating_

"_Referring to fellow Slytherins. We're very close. We rely on each other, have study groups, and support groups. We're a big ambitious and cunning family."_

_However, her own family is fraught with tragedy due to her cousin, Sirius Black a 5__th__ year Gyrffindor and his actions in forsaking his entire family, falling in with a rough crowd of Gryffindors who have reportedly attacked young Bellatrix and her Slytherin peers, often while under the influence of alcohol. We can only hope young Sirius Black sees the light e used to know, for Bella detailed their days of childhood with longing and despair in her soft voice_

"_We used to have snowball fights together. We'd play some pranks on my sisters and his wee brother, we'd swap chocolate frog cards… The other Gryffindors changed him, they made him believe that in order to be brave, he had to be cruel and disrespectful, and now look how the mighty have fallen…"_

_And when asked what she _thinks about the Gryffindors, those who terrorize her and her friends, she sighs and says with unparalleled kindness, "they shout horrible things at us and sometimes, they curse first years in the hallway, just for fun! And Frank Longbottom once cursed swear words onto my chest that took days to remove, but that's only because I'm sure he's mentally unbalanced, I don't blame him really, he is fighting the battle of his homosexuality. Its just the group of them, these Gryffindors are so aggressive. I'm not saying they're mean… but well, I don't think they're kind."

_And all of this even after Fabian prewett, a formerly respected 6__th__ year student once cursed off all of her clothing. What have the Gryffindors become? A bunch of brawny, rowdy, disrespectful and cruel witches and wizards?_

_With the exception of the lovely Lily Evans who says, "Some of the Gryffindor boys can get out of hand, but we're young and we're confused by the war, it's no one's fault really, but no, not every Gryffindor is noble"_

_When asking Lily about Bellatrix she said merely, "We attend some clubs together at school… she's very… confident"_

_And confident indeed, both young ladies are and hopefully, against all odds and the uprising of Gyrffindor disgrace, these girls will provide the future we're all looking forward to as readers of witch weekly._

_-Rita Skeeter"_

"This article makes me sick!" Gideon called from across the great hall, tearing his free copy into pieces.

"I know, not only did she forget to refer to me as BELLA, she quotes queen mudblood over there left and right!" I retorted, folding my arms smugly, daring him to strike in a crowded breakfast hall under the watchful eyes of the staff table.

"She only quoted you and Evans!" Amos scowled, adding to the shouting match, "This article has nothing to do with Hogwarts, or the future of Hogwarts, or its students, it's a load of rubbish. This reporter is so far up Black's and Evan's arse, I'm amazed she could even see what she was writing!"

"Don't be bitter, mr-" I paused, snickering, "What's your name again? I've forgotten, you see, because you aren't at all mentioned in this lovely periodical…"

"You know who I am, you cow," Amos sighed, accidentally upturning his coffee and using the magazine to wipe it up, his eyes glaring down at the table's wooden surface below him.

"Perhaps I could remember your name if I cared enough," I smirked off handedly, and was about to sit back down before Fabian's harsh voice cut through the hall.

"You made up LIES about us-"

"None of it was untrue, it was merely one sided, and such is the nature of reporting," Lucius laughed coldly, now standing beside me, Roddy and Severus rising as well, the Slytherin team assembled and prepared for the next move, "That's why articles have a certain angle, Prewett, they are angled. Maybe you could do with some journalism 101"

"You publically called me a mentally unbalanced homosexual?" Frank seemingly had just finished reading the article and I heard several surrounding Slytherins snigger, all fighting for the copies of Witch Weekly lying about the breakfast table

"Can you disprove these claims, fatbottom?" I asked, innocently.

"Outside, now," Longbottom said coldly, storming out of the Great Hall with the Prewetts in tow. I noticed, in my peripheral vision Sirius, throwing the copy Gideon has issued to him, onto the floor, glaring at it as it fell and kicking the table, knocking over several peoples drinks. His expression was very sour indeed. Oh the portraits I painted, how lovely they were of my dear Gryffindor foes.

"Shall we?" I asked my comrades in arms, and with a shrug we followed them proudly, our heads held high, into the corridor outside the Great Hall.

"You're wasting valuable time of valuable people," Roddy informed them coldly, "I know that's not something you're familiar with, but can you make this quick? I do hate being in your company."

As quick as can be, Frank grabbed me and kissed me hard on the lips.

"Does that seem homosexual to you?" He demanded as he roughly shoved me into Roddy's arms.

"Ew," I gasped, wiping my mouth with my sleeve, nearly gagging.

"Maybe not homosexual but certainly unstable." Roddy sneered, rolling up his sleeves, and drawing his wand threateningly.

But we hadn't noticed, two pictures had been taken

One of my lips locked with Frank's in that long confused second, and one of Roddy brandishing his wand, gritting his teeth furiously.

"And now, we will be sending these into Witch Weekly, an offer them a new angle," Fabian explain curtly, "Slytherin slut, and deranged fiancé. It'll be brilliant."

"Just keep making me famous, Prewett," I laughed, "and I'll keep making you look like the piece of scum you are. Sound good?"

"Look for next week's edition of this stupid magazine, slag," Gideon said, his voice like ice, "And unlike you, we're going to tell the truth. The truth about the Death Eater Youth."

"And do you know what will happen to you if you do that?" Roddy said in a dangerously low voice, "Because not even I can imagine that sort of retribution, but I imagine it would come from a source above us."

"That's a threat," Fabian snapped, "I will not respond to threats!"

"It's a promise, blood traitor," Roddy sniggered without amusement, "If you value the life you live, I wouldn't do what you're planning to do, any of you, if you have any sense of common sense beyond that reckless exterior-"

"You know what?" I cut Roddy off and flicked my wand, sending Frank flying into the great hall, slamming along the Gryffindor table, knocking over every glass and plate he made swift and hard colison with, but before he had fallen, head first mind you, off the opposite end of the table, Fabian had snapped another photograph this time of me laughing, my wand in hand and my eyes looking mischievous.

"You look insane." He commented, brandishing the photo in front of me

"She looks hot," Roddy smirked, nudging Lucius and Severus who chuckled in accordance.

"Do whatever will help you sleep at night, Prewett," I said harshly, turning to walk to my first class after smirking at the destruction in the Great Hall I had caused, "But sleep with one eye open."

"Frank won't turn you in, by the way, he'll say it was a slip of magic," Gideon remarked as I began to depart, my friends and Roddy in toe.

"And why's that?" I asked, largely indifferent to his tattle telling or silence.

"You'll pay in other ways," He shrugged simply and after one last look of utter disdain he and his brother walked back out, trying to assist a stained, bruised and humiliated Longbottom, and whatever is coming my way can't be half as devastating as whatever comes theirs.

You see, the dance is tomorrow, and there will be much more than dancing to be had,

Anyone who is anyone and even a few nobodies will be together in one room, sitting targets for practice, or rather dancing targets. And on this day of love, both love and hate will prevail, glory itself will prevail, and our month of planning will come to a beautiful fruition. It is still winter outside, cold and dark, the wind shakes the glass of my windows this evening, but for the DEY spring blossoms tomorrow evening.

I don't know where you'll be spending your Valentine's Day, but I'll be spending it lost in a sea of victory, and smiling above my rivals, with roses in my hair, and red varnish upon my nails, the little Slytherin Princess, her prince, and their royal Kingdom are ready to show the rest of society their capabilities. And we aren't familiar with the concept of mercy.

Nor do we wish to be acquainted with such an inane ideal.

I can hardly sleep. Forget Christmas, this is my new favorite holiday. Let us celebrate romance with violence, and love with hate, and hate with love, and treats for tricks, flowers for jinxes, chocolates for poison.

Let the Valentine's Day games begin among a crowded room, a bowl of spiked punch, and a lot more than just love in the air.

Love,

Bella

Author's Notes:

I'm hope youre as excited for the chaos of next chapter as I am =]

Pls read and review, it means so much

Love,

Your devoted writer who loves you all !


	27. The Day of Love, the Day of Hate

February 15th,

Dear Diary,

Happy Valentine's Day.

The day of love, is it? Or it was, yesterday.

The dance of course was quite an affair. Getting ready in the dorm room with Carla and her minions was highly amusing. The preening, pruning, and the scent of expensive perfume was a bit exhilarating. The haze of powder, the feel of silk dresses, the stars sparkling from the window, the reflections in the mirrors, the beauty in preparing beauty.

So I painted my nails black for my last name

And put on a pink dress for love, and lips to match.

And wore white heels for purity

And I wore a bracelet with my family script "Toujours Pur" for motivation

And around my neck I wore my mother's locket, shaped like a heart of silver, a heart of stone. It was empty inside.

And I wore the locket for hate.

And then I left, chatting brightly with Carla until at the foot of the stairs we met our dates. Roddy and Adonis Flint were waiting for us, standing side by side with Lucius in tow.

Adonis and Carla bid us farewell and skipped off, lovers without intentions for the evening that involved beautiful chaos.

I smiled at Roddy, kissing him warmly as he whispered in my ear the second our lips parted, "I have some fire whiskey in a flask, I have more plans than the entire order of the pigeons combined, and the most beautiful date in the world. Happy Valentine's day, Bella."

"Let's embrace the night, a little alcohol, a little romance, "I winked , "And an excess of disaster."

"That is the idea," Lucius smirked.

"Who are you waiting for?" I asked him, suddenly curious about his presence at the bottom of the staircase to the girl's dormitories.

"Don't worry about it," he drawled smiling slowly.

"Cissy?" I said knowingly, putting my hands, glancing up the stairwell where my baby sister was walking down grinning in a dress of the deepest shade of red, her blonde hair curled around her pretty face, and her gray eyes sparkling.

"Hey Bella," She waved brightly as she descended the final steps, "Lucius and I thought we'd, you know-"

"Go on a wee date?" I smirked, "That's well and good, but Cissy… we have more planned than just dancing tonight."

"I figured, as if you'd miss an opportunity like this… the whole school will be In attendance for Salazar's sake," Cissy was smiling as her tiny hand clasped Lucius's large palm, "I promised Lucius I would leave when the… special festivities began"

"Good, and don't drink the punch, Roddy is spiking it," I nodded approvingly, "But aren't you a little young?" I frowned, "I thought only 4th year and up-"

"If you're invited as a third year you can go," She assured me quickly, "I'm not a little kid Bella, I'm 13-"

"Wow, better start planning for retirement," I laughed, and grabbed her open hand, pulling her and Roddy, and Lucius by associated along with me, "No more waiting, this dance has been approaching for weeks, and its time to go. We have a date with disaster, Cissy."

"Lovely," She snickered as we made our way out of the common room, and headed towards the Great Hall where the dance would be held, the hallways were filled with people, in their prettiest outfits, their neatest haircuts, their finest flasks tucked into their dress robe's pockets, and inside the Great Hall, this scene was amplified, and music played from a band on a new stage where the staff table usually stood, and couples danced, the walls were lined with flowers and hearts, and it was enough love to make cupid feel a little nauseous, but I could only grin. What a lovely scene for humiliation. What a beautiful backdrop for devastation. The punch bowl was growing slowly lower, cups and cups were being devoured, and soon, so soon, we would have our victory.

Let the games begin, I thought excitedly, and we joined the fray.

In between dances and sips of fire whiskey, I took a moment to realize that this could be a very happy night, sweet and serene, without all of the plotting and the disasters. But then again, to live a life without purpose, to merely enjoy an evening with no progress, what's the use? A fond memory? They get you nowhere. I enjoyed a moment, the peace of the moment, and then reminded myself of the glory of war, and whispered to Roddy, "I wish Lucius would hurry up and send Cissy away so we can commence…"

"I don't think anyone is going to wait much longer," Roddy smirked and as if on cue, Moaning Myrtle flew into the hall, her usually teary eyes bright with hunger, and in her ghostly arms she held a box of fire whiskey chocolates that contained veritiserum and a delivery label to Sirius Black.

No one paid her too much mind, no more than several confused glances as to her happiness and appearance until she swooped down over Sirius, kissing him on his shocked lips from where he stood with James who was watching Lily dancing with Gideon Prewett with narrowed eyes, but at the sight of Myrtle kissing Sirius, even Potter exploded into laughter.

"I love you too Sirius Black!" Myrtle cried, "You are just so handsome, when I was told you had feelings for me, I know it would be a wonderful Valentine's day! These chocolates are for you- you're favorite! Now shall we dance?"

"Um," Sirius was too stunned to reply as she put her transparent arms around him, trying to lead him to the dance floor while the room dissolved into laughter. James snagged the box from Sirius, shoving several chocolates into his greedy mouth at once, and then his face became very expressionless, and taking full advantage of the stunnet silence, Severus called out, into the crowd, his voice almost breaking with laughter as he spoke

"Do you have a man crush on Sirius Black, James Potter?"

"No, I only love Lily Evans," he replied, and Lily, who was chuckling at Myrtle and Sirius, suddenly dropped her jaw, glaring at the pompous Potter from across the room.

"You don't even know what love is, Potter!" She shouted harshly.

"Yes I do, I love you," He replied honestly, his voice as expressionless as his face.

"Have you ever cheated on a test?" Dolohov asked, chuckling.

"Transfiguration," He answered, McGonagall looking highly affronted from where she had been standing by the buffet table, "Twice."

"James, shut it," Sirius implored him as Myrtle began giving him kisses on the cheek, "And I'm sorry Myrtle, but who told you that I'm in love with you?"

"It's not true?" She looked horror struck.

"James, how big is your little James?" Reggie called out, chuckling, every professor within earshot almost choked.

"6 and a half inches hard," He shrugged and the room was divided into those looking shocked and offended, and those who couldn't help but laugh.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, mate?" Sirius looked at him, dumbfounded while Myrtle had her hands on her hips, her glasses askew from kissing Sirius with her ghostly lips

"Pay attention to me, I'M your date!" She pouted

"No, you are not!" He shouted, frustrated.

"Sirius fancies Alice," James informed her loudly, and Alice who was dancing with Frank looked shocked, while Frank scowled at Sirius coldly.

"You heartbreaker!" Myrtle cried, grabbed the bucket of gravy from the buffet and poured it over Sirius head. It was priceless, I pulled out my camera, from the black velvet clutch I held and snapped a picture as he tried to wipe the gravy from his face, and Fabian raced pver to try and clean him with his wand but also accidentally removed his hair. Beautiful moments in photographic history if I do say so myself.

"How could you?" Myrtle was sobbing as Sirius started shouting curses at her, and she flew from the dance floor in tears.

"What do you know about the Order of the Phoenix, Potter?"Lucius called suddenly, and that is when Slughorn and Dumbledore rushed over, taking Potter into the hall, saying he didn't feel quite right before he could answer.

"Brilliant, all of it," I laughed as Fabian attempted to give Sirius his hair back, and James was escorted out, while the room was getting increasingly more tipsy and Moaning Myrtle's sobs echoed from the hall.

"Its only just begun." Lucius was grinning as he gave Cissy a brief hug and sent her back to the common room. I took a quite picture of her as she waved, beaming at me. And I thought, no one had ever looked as beautiful as my little sister that night.

But back to the important events of the evening, our attention was turned to Reggie who gave Sirius hair again, long blond curls that reached his waist and charmed his suit into a dress.

"Okay, what the bloody hell is going on?" He snapped.

"Watch your language, Mrs. Black," I yelled to him and then wands were drawn stealthily, from the sleeve of his dress and the clutch I held at my waist.

But he seemed off balance, tipsy even. My eyes must have been glinting mischievously because Frank abandoned Alice and demanded I explain myself and the mishaps of the evening.

"Why would you look to me for answers, I'm just a happy guest at this event, trying to enjoy a calm romantic evening with my boyfriend," I said wide eyed and earnestly, though I felt a smile stretch across my lips and heard Roddy snicker from my side

I felt the time coming, my plan against Fabian, the time for action was arriving, surely…

But before I could take action Gideon Prewett was suddenly screaming. Lucius had conjured a large spider on the top of his head, and a snake around his ankles.

Frank quickly vanished them, but Gideon looked murderous as Severus informed Sirius he made a very ugly woman and cursed him and Frank to start dancing, the lovely dancing curse, and while the rest of the hall stood still, watching in amused horror, Sirius in his feminine robes, was dancing with Frank whose eyes looked murderous.

This was my moment

And thus, I flicked my wand, Fabian was hit with the imperious curse, so no one but me understand WHY he kissed Severus on the lips, or why he punched Gideon in the face or why he took off all his clothes and drank straight from the punch bowl, before standing on the table and emptying a bowl of pudding on his head.

While he stood there, covered in pudding, naked except for his shoes and boxers, wasted from the punch, and receiving piercing and amused looks from the hall, I commanded him to smile and removed the curse, and as the realization of his actions dawned on his face, he let out a furious scream, jumped from the table where McGonagall was yelling for him to get down, though her speech was slightly slurred from her punch intake, and in his aggression he walked straight towards me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me from the Hall where everyone couldn't help but snicker at the half naked, pudding drenched Fabian prewett. He began to stagger as he dragged me away. Roddy and Lucius raised their wands, but I called for them not too,

"Its part of the plan!" I assured them as Fabian lead me away, past James, Dumbledore and Slughorn who took one look at Fabian and looked both puzzled and suspiciously in mydirection, but I merely shrugged innocently, continuing to following Fabians furious footsteps into an empty classroom where he removed the pudding from himself by covering himself with water, not risking vanishing it, as with Sirius, and removing his own hair.

There he was, his hair dripping with water, a scowl on his face as he boldly faced me, his muscular body shone, dripping in just his boxers, and I smirked. An attractive blood traitor, what a waste.

"I'm sorry, but what are we doing here?" I asked, looking around the empty classroom, waiting for him to speak, ready to say crucio now that we had some privacy, just begging for a reason to do it. Begging for a reason to show him my power. Begging for a reason to hurt him further. My wand was clutched so tightly in my hand, my nails were cutting into my palm, both of us were out of breath, from the quickened pace of our walk, and our hearts pounding in sync with hatred.

"I'm going to curse you," He said slowly, "I'm trying to decide which one."

"It's the day of love, not war," I reminded him, smiling slyly and walking slowly towards him, tossing my hair from my face, our eyes never leaving each other's wands.

"Then why make war today?" He spat furiously, "I know that was the imperious curse. I can't prove it, but I know. And you're about to pay."

"How so?" I smirked, standing only an inch before him now, unable to stop smiling, "What curse will you use? Want to curse off all my clothing again? Take dirty pictures of me? What's the plan, big boy?"

"Are you suggesting I do these things, little girl?" He raised his eyebrows, looking more curious than angry for a second.

"You know you want to," I paced around him slowly circling, like a hippogriff circling its pray, or snake, curling around its target, "You've wanted to for ages. Not the noblest desire, for such a 'noble' man, but who am I to judge nobility? I'm a Slytherin, afterall."

"You are so much more than a Slytherin," Fabian breathed furiously, "Or perhaps I should say, so much less."

"Say what you will," I shrugged, throwing my arms around his neck, directly, his eyes into mine, hatred meeting hatred, like two jinxes meeting in mid air, "Words change nothing. You feel how you feel. You want what you want."

"Words change everything," He answered, his eyes so dark, so black.

"No," I shook my head, a smile spreading across my lips, "Actions do…"

"And what sort of action do you want to take?" He demanded coldly, though his arms had suddenly wrapped themselves around my waist.

Still holding my wand, I pressed it right up against his bare stomach and whispered "Crucio"

He fell to the floor at my feet, writhing in pain, I silenced him quickly, after the first shout, and after a moment or two, pulled up my wand.

"I win." I stated with finality.

"No," He sneered grabbed the bottom of my dress and pulled me to the floor, punching me hard across the face, and then kissing me, as he did the first time, a biting sort of attack masquerading as a kiss. And in his drunken state he pulled me by hair pulled down the front of my dress and punch my stomach, biting my neck.

I screamed. This wasn't according to plan.

"Say mercy," He hissed, his breath had an air of fruit punch, "Say I win."

"Never," I hissed reaching for my wand but he had grabbed my wrist roughly, throwing me beneath him. He pulled down my dress further, my breasts almost falling out as he pointed his want directly at my heart, my chest rising and falling with my rapid breath as I stared at him coldly, trying not to betray an ounce of the fear that suddenly over powered my sense of victory.

"Say mercy," He demanded, holding both my hands with one of his own and his wand with the other, "Or scream for me, bitch."

"Fuck you," I replied simply, spitting in his face as his lips whispered crucio, and I was the one writhing and screaming beneath him. This was not a scene that was supposed to play. Following my lead, he silenced me, assuring we would remain undisturbed, and he watched me convulse in agony, silent screams escaping my lips, betraying my pain.

"Fuck you," He smirked, pulling his wand away at last and retuning me my voice. Tears had formed in my eyes, my make up running, and my dress askew, I looked nearly as ridiculous as my half drowned naked nemesis.

"I still win," I panted.

"And why's that?" He demanded, punching me again, less hard, but the malicious intent still there, my face reddening, the tears falling from my eyes painfully,

"I'm still me," I smirked from beneath his damp aching body, "But you.., you're supposed to be above the unforgivable curses as a Gryffindor, you're supposed to be above kissing a girl against her will, against physically assaulting her. Also, you're not supposed to be sexually attracted to me, and yes, I can clearly… feel… that you are. I made you into something you're not without the imperious curse. I win."

He flicked his wand, alleviating the pain from where he punched me, and pulled me roughly to my feet as I adjusted my dress.

"You make me forget myself, you bring out the worst in me, in any man," He hissed, turning from me, pounding his fist, clearly I had struck a chord with that heart he claimed to be so noble.

"You brought out the worst in yourself," I said, disgusted.

"Look what you fucking did to me, in front of the entire fucking school," He spat, and I remembered the punching Gideon, the kissing Severus, who screamed loudly, drinking the punch, pouring the pudding, it was all too perfect.

"Yeah, I remember," I smile, "And then you got all furious and acted, dare I say, like a death eater. You broke all those Gryffindors rules of nobility."

"Sometimes rules have to be broken." He practically shouted.

"Sounds like our justification for our revolution," I walked up behind him, putting my arms around his muscular waist, "Want to join the DEY?"

Over my dead body of course, but I could tell how much I was getting to him, through his armor, hitting that precious pride.

"The day?" He frowned, turning to face me, and pulling me arms off of him, more gently than I was expecting.

"The Death Eater Youth. D, E, Y," I laughed and his face convulsed into disgust once more

"You make me sick," He snapped, looking down at me, "How can you sound PROUD announcing something like that? How do you fall asleep at night? You're evil. Literally evil, Godric, its repulsive."

"Then WHY," I demanded, "Are you attracted to me?"

"Oh shut up," He retorted coldly, "I'm a man, aren't I?"

"You're a coward," I smirked, "That's all I know. And you kissed Sev, so maybe you're gay. Or a woman. Whatever, really."

"You made me kiss that repulsive big nosed ball of slime." He gagged forcibly, "You know, this whole war could stop if you could see the light-"

"Trust me, I've seen it," I replied harshly, "And you're the one who's not facing it."

"You're a whore, a stupid, little crazy, delirious-"

"silencio," I said casually with a grin, "Crucio."

He fell once more, writhing in misery for a moment before I raised my wand, relieving his pain and returning his voice, "Now just tell me I won. Say mercy."

"I don't want your mercy," He got shakily to his feet, his wand raised before him and he threw me against the wall with an easy flick, my head hitting stone, everything went gray for a moment as I slid to the floor.

He left, slamming the door behind him as I lay there, slightly stunned.

"I still won," I said out loud to no one, my head aching, "I still won."

When I came to my senses I burst into a run, looking as though 'd just been assaulted, feeling as though id just been assaulted, and knowing that I'd just been assaulted, I ran, straight to the owlry, and told Rita Skeeter everything I wanted said about Fabian Prewett and his little friends before making my way back to the dance.

Roddy and Lucius were seated a table looking chipper while Gideon, Fabian, James, and Sirius were nowhere to be seen. Most of the dancers were horribly off key and the teachers, sensing that something had gone askew had removed all the punch from the tables, and kept watchful eyes on the tipsy students before them. Roddy blew me a kiss while Lucius motioned me to come over. Severus and Dolohov joined us from the buffet table while I noticed Reggie sweeping a pretty fourth year off her feet on the dance floor, him looking confident and dashing while the girl wore a drunken smile as she went along for the ride.

"This is OUR dance," Roddy was smiling as I approached him, "We owned it, we claimed it. Your stunt with Fabian? Brillant. Where is he, he never returned? And where'd you go?"

"We cruio'd each other a bit," I cringed involuntarily as I sat on the edge of Roddy's lap, "Then I wrote to Rita Skeeter about it for her next article for when they send in those foul pictures. What's been happening here?"

"Well we ruined everyone's nights we set out to, while having a lovely time ourselves," Lucius looked giddy, "I had some of the punch before it was confiscated. Delicious, I scooped up a bit in a flask if you're interested."

"Sure," I snatched the flask from Lucius's outstretched hands, drinking the sweet fruity punch, not detecting the hidden ingredient, and smiling to myself, "I do like performing crucio, but to actually take it, well-"

"Are you all right, darling?" Roddy looked so kind as he pulled me closer, kissing my cheek gently, "Happy Valentine's day,"

"I'm better than all right, I got the best of him," I assured everyone, nodding emphatically, "And yes. It was happy indeed."

We sat at the table, drinking and singing along to the music for an hour, and I smiled to myself. We could be at war, and have peace within ourselves, we could have the glory and the calm after the storm as well, we could have it all.

"How was Fabian as a kisser, mate?" Lucius teased Severus as the night wore on.

"Bloody awful," Severus scowled darkly, "Bella, I hate you for that. I hate you a lot."

"Worth it," I assured him, "I wonder if Myrtle was a good kisser, we'll have to ask Sirius."

"I bet James would be more HONEST," Roddy laughed with a wink.

"Could this night have been any more perfect?" Dolohov laughed, and we all paused. Lucius, I'm sure, was thinking of my little sister. Severus, thinking of that mudblood Evans. I was thinking about if I hadn't been thrown against a wall, if I'd only gotten in that final curse….

But Roddy answered brightly, "No, that'd be impossible,"

"Nothing is impossible," Lucius smiled vaguely, "Someone should write down all of our adventures. Make it into some sort of memoir."

"The Death Eater Diaries," Severus laughed,

"Memoirs of a warrior… in training," Dolohov suggested with a smirk.

"The Death Eater Youth: A story of glory!" Roddy chuckled, "A revolution from ages 13 and up!"

"You know," I blushed slightly, "I do write down most of what happens… and by most I mean everything."

"You don't seem like the author type," Lucius commented, snickering.

Ï sighed, "Not a book, a diary."

"Oh my Merlin, I have to read this diary!" Severus burst into laughter, "Dear Diary, today I performed illegal curses and ruined Valentine's day for all my enemies! It was a blast!"

"And my dress was soooo cute," Lucius teased, "And Lucius looked so handsome, more handsome than silly Roddy-"

"I mean, that AMAZING Roddy whom I love and will marry, he looked stunning, I was very horny for him all night, it was very distracting while I ruined lives-" Roddy added, chuckling, "And I can't wait to ruin some more!"

"Love always, Bella," Dolohov finished, grinning.

"Sounds about right," I replied, wanting to both giggle and glare at them simultaneously.

"When can we read it?" Lucius joked, "I'd love to glean insight onto your crazy thoughts,"

"My thoughts are none of your business," I said haughtily, tossing my long hair over my shoulder, "And you can all read it when I become head of Hufflepuff."

"My father is an important man, just let me make the call to the ministry," Roddy winked.

"Fuck off, all of you." I rolled my eyes.

"Not me, its Valentine's Day, we're together today, Bells, you and me," Roddy grinned a handsome grin, "It's the day of love, and I love you."

"I'm going to vomit," Severus cringed, "This is almost as disgusting as being kissed by Fabian Prewett."

"Vomit on Lucius, that would be a fun end to the evening," Roddy advised.

Lucius stuck up his middle finger towards Roddy, "Suck my wand."

"How about not?" Roddy laughed as Slughorn dismissed the dance, thanking everyone for coming, and wishing us a very happy Valentine's Day. It was after midnight, but it didn't feel as though the day had changed. Love still felt heavy and tangible in the air. I slept in Roddy's bed that night, curled comfortably in his arms, warm and peaceful and safe, and wondering how war and love were so alike. The two things that brought out my passion, my desire, my glory, my heart. Love, war, hate, victory. It all seemed so alike, though they are such opposing ideas.

I opened my eyes in the dark, the black remained black. I woke up this morning, reliving the night in my mind, sitting up abruptly upon the memory of being crucio'd. I shook slightly, and left Roddy fast asleep to go for a walk, alone, around the empty quiddich pitch. The sun was red against the East horizon as it rose, casting a pink glow on the snow capped mountains that surround our castle. I walked faster every time I thought of my defeat, and strolled happily when thinking of my victories. I must have walked for nearly an hour before the adrenaline had commenced the process of fading from my veins s I returned to my dorm and retrieved you from under my pillowcase of green silk and wrote to you each detail of my Valentine's Day. The day some celebrate love, we celebrate both love and hate. We celebrate peace and war.

We have it all.

And as Dolohov predicted, I shall sign you

Love always,

Bella

Author's Notes:

I really want to thank all my reviews, especially Monique and Dark Bellatrix Black for being so wonderful! Please keep reading and reviewing, all of you, bc it helps writers block and it means so much =]

I hope the dance lived up to your expectations, and you enjoyed the chapter!! Tell me what you think, pwease!

Love,

Your writing servant =]


	28. War and or Peace

February 18th,

Dear Diary,

It's a sick feeling when you realize you're not immortal.

To be reminded of one's mortality, who would ever wish for such a thing?

But none the less, such reminders are inevitable in the circumstances of war. Even the victorious are forced to accept the possibility of failure. To surrender or die, and which would be honorable? To surrender to mortality is preferable than surrendering to the enemy. But either way, it is surrender to my cause. A defeat, some call it.

But such is the risk of the game. Such is the nature of war. It's the history of the trade.

Thus, I fight on.

The article released by Rita pitched the so-called "Order of the Pigeons" (who denied existence and their namesake I offered to Rita) against the aptly titled "Death Eater Youth" A battle between Slytherins and Gryffindors, a battle between pride and prejudice. A battle between right and wrong. And she asked, "Who is right when a school becomes a battlefield? It would seem the only right answer would be peace."

Yeah fucking right.

The article was called "Children at War" and the pictures were of Sirius dressed as a woman, and Roddy bearing his wand angrily. I was not mentioned, due to the money I enclosed in my letter detailing Fabian's actions at the dance. He was referred to as "Mentally unstable" as Rita delineated everything I forced him to do under the influence of my curse.

It was a lovely article except for the fact that the bastard Gryffindors had exposed our name, the name of the DEY.

But a small loss in a great battle.

Naturally, this article spread like fiend fyre around the school, from first years to prefects, to the baffling choice of a grounds keeper, Hagrid, everyone was chatting incessantly about the Order of the Pigeons (who were furious at the name) and the Death Eater Youth.

"D 'ya think they exist?" I heard a 2nd year Ravenclaw girl with blond curls as her dark haired friend as they passed me in the corridor.

"They must," Her friend shrugged, "Who do you reckon will win?"

"The Gryffindor's and their order." The blond girl said empathically, nodding so suddenly, her curls fell over her tiny face.

"Think about it, Jennie," The brunette sighed, "Slytherins are going to be craftier. My galleons are on the Death Eater Youth."

And suddenly, the blond girl found herself tripping, breaking her potions scale as she fell, while the brunette suddenly opened her palm to find an unopened chocolate frog.

"Yeah, the Slytherins," The blond, Jennie, agreed, as the brunette showed her the chocolate smugly, helping her to her feet. The blond looked close to tears as the brunette happily ate her chocolate.

I smirked as I walked on without comment.

This newfound awareness of our ongoing war seemed to frustrate Dumbledore immensely, as I discovered this evening at our first detention since the release of the latest Witch Weekly.

Lucius, Dolohov, Severus, Roddy and I walked with a sense of smug purpose to his office to find the Gryffindors already seated, Dumbledore staring straight ahead, nodding as we closed the door behind us and took our seats. His expression was grim. The silence was heavy as we waited for him to speak. I glanced at his large window, the one behind his desk, and the landscape below it of the grounds, before staring at the landscape of the endless sky, and I choose the first star I saw, the brightest of the night, and I made the wish that at the end of the war, every sacrifice will have been worth it. I wanted assurance. I asked the stars for that promise.

Dumbledore finally spoke after what could have been several seconds or several minutes, the silence was unbearable, "I read the latest article by Rita Skeeter. More than learning is taking place in these halls, and I am well aware, and now the rest of our world is as well. Are you proud of yourselves? Disgracing your school, your house, and your names? Are you proud?"

"No sir," Gideon sighed, "The war will end, we can find solace in agreement to disagree, it must end, united we stand-"

"Sycophant," Lucius snapped, "Don't lie, you know you'll curse us the first chance you receive. What's noble in saying what he wants to hear? There is no nobility in lying, Prewett."

"Malfoy, shut up," Fabian hissed.

"Shut up isn't a noble expression," Roddy snickered.

"I'm going to-" Fabian exploded furiously but stopped himself as Gideon kicked him viciously in the leg, Sirius and James smirking.

"You're going to what?" I taunted, "Tell on us? Or curse us? If it is either of those options, please do say them before our headmaster,"

"If you think for one second this is just a game, you're lying to yourselves," Dumbledore looked truly angry, his blue eyes like a stormy ocean. I felt myself tense, "This is life, or this is death."

"Sir, I do understand your point, but despite our paths, we are all AIMING for life," Roddy insisted, "I just mean, no one's goal is, in fact, DEATH. Unless the Gryffinors are unbeknownst to us- suicidal, and there are treatments, potions, self help books for that sort of thing,"

Lucius and I tried to keep from smirking and the Gryffindors scowled furiously. But the question on all our minds, was what in the name of Merlin was Dumbledore going to think about that…

"That's it," Dumbledore sighed heavily, "You're all going to forget about your house alliances for the night. You're going to go together and sleep in the Great Hall. You're going to write an article together this evening, an article I will force the prophet to publish, that explains how you RESOLVED AND ENDED THIS CAMPAIGN OF HATRED. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," We said softly, feeling ashamed, small even, the way I felt as a small child who would use her magic to curse Andy and Cissy earning endless reprimands from my parents.

"Good," His eyes looked so severe under his half moon spectacles, "Now go. I'll check on you at 6am, which is when I will instruct Nick and the Bloody Baron to wake you up, and together you can vanish the sleeping bags I have in place and conjure the house tables. Right now, take this quill and parchment and ink-"

Gideon reached over and accepted the materials Dumbledore had pulled out of thin air.

"Now, go." He said sternly, and without any further words, we left. We were so silent in our exit, believe none of us even dared to breathe. He was an intimidating man. But I had the Dark Lord's blessing, and thus, I was safe, I knew, no matter what happened next, no matter what Dumbledore said, I served a higher master, a greater power.

And the war was never going to end without a winner and a loser. Without one victory, and one defeat. The war would go on forever if it must. But peace was impossible when the enemy existed, when the enemy worked against you. No, to surrender without cause would be the worst defeat of all, to surrender now, barely having fought, would be worse than to lose to their hands.

"This article is going to be a bigger lie than Sirius's blood status," I sighed, glaring at my waste of a pureblood cousin.

"This article will appease Dumbledore, and we have disappointed him, the one person we didn't want to disappoint," Sirius replied heavily.

"Hardly, we answer to someone else," I snapped.

"Who?" Fabian rolled his dark eyes, "To Voldy?"

"I prefer to call him Morty" Sirius snickered.

"Don't you dare mock the greatest wizard-" I hissed in a low voice, raising my wand from my pocket.

"Fuck off," Fabian snickered, "We can fight after we write this lie."

"We'll fight whenever we find cause," Lucius corrected him harshly.

"And don't speak to Bella like that," Roddy snapped, clutching my hand in his own.

"She can obviously defend herself," Sirius laughed coldly, "She doesn't quite fit the role of damsel in distress."

"She will after I'm finished," Fabian sneered, his eyes narrowing.

"Then I'll destroy you, and show the world what a piece of flith you really are, what a waste of magical blood, what a waste of oxygen, of a wand-"

"Yeah, yeah, Lestrange," Fabian waved his hand impatiently, "I'm sure you will. I'm terrified. I'm feeling so cowardly, just call me a Slytherin."

"We would never compliment you that way, blood traitor," Lucius laughed.

"And it is not the Slytherins who are cowardly, is is the Slytherins who are not reckless-" Severus began.

"Precisely, and Gryffindors are not BRAVE, they are merely the most foolish-" Dolohov continued

"Does it ever get cold living in Lucius's shadow?" Gideon said forcefully to Severus and Dolohov, "Is it ever dark there?"

"Not as cold as the orphanage, Prewett," Severus laughed, but his eyes betrayed his anger, "And how did it feel being used in a plan to avenge your psycho brother? How does it feel to fall for a witch who hates you, and realize her only attraction to you, was the attraction of hurting you and good old Fabian? How's that feel? Dark? Cold?"

We had arrived at the Great Hall by this time, the sleeping bags arranged beside a round table with a chair for each of us, a hard metal chair, the kind you see in cheap muggle restaurants. Fabian stormed passed us, with Gideon in tow, the two of them taking their seats as the rest of us followed, yawning, and already frustrated with the assignment of feigning a peace treaty for the sake of the wizarding world's faith in their children, for the sake of Dumbledore's sanity, for the sake of reassurance to the school and the parents, for the sake of an endless litany of reasons that I didn't give a house elves' ass about.

"How do we begin this inane article?" Lucius demanded impatiently as Gideon set out the parchment and quill before him, our self assigned scribe, "How do we begin this travesty of a peace treaty?"

"The same way we will end it," I smiled simply, "With a lie."

"Hogwarts: A Present" Gideon read what he had scrawled thus far, "The present day, we have put down our wands, and opened our arms, embracing diversity and accepting the differences between Gryffindor and Slytherin as positive qualities rather than reasons to quarrel. The over exaggerated claims in the previous article have cast a dark shadow on the bright light of the future which we are sure will be once of peace and accordance, without petty wars. "

"Well, its definitely a lie," Sirius shrugged, "How do you write so fast, mate?"

"Its my thing," Gideon shrugged, smiling, "if I didn't feel I had to become an auror, I'd have liked to be an author."

"How quaint," Lucius drawled, "Carry on, then. Say the following- Together we agree that the value of learning surpasses the need for rivalries and we wish for our hallowed halls of knowledge to be used for education, not violence and discrimination. Together we have seen that only together we can see."

"Is that enough?" I asked, bored already, resting my chin in my hands, my elbows on the cold metal table's surface as I wondered why he had to make this as uncomfortable as possible.

"Sure," Gideon shrugged as he put down the quill, "Now let's sign it-"

He passed around the lie (I mean article) and we left our signatures below the words none of us believed, none of us would adhere to, the words none of us would ever accept. The lies.

"So Sirius, is moaning myrtle a good kisser?" Severus asked after Gideon place the parchment in the center of the table and we all began to stand, stretching luxuriously, pushing in our chairs.

"Fuck you," James cut off Sirius, "I know those chocolates were spiked. We know you were behind it, but Myrtle was confounded so we couldn't prove it. Blasted ghost didn't remember who gave her the blasted candy-"

"Innocent until proven guilty, Pothead," Severus snickered.

"Hardly," Fabian interjected as we each grabbed our sleeping bags, the Gryffindors dragging their deliberately away from ours, "We all know Bella used the imperious curse on me to make me look like a buffoon at the dance-"

"No one has to curse you to make you look like a buffoon, Fabian," I said sweetly, giggling.

"You used an illegal curse-" He hissed.

"So did you," I shrugged, "You used-"

He silenced me.

"I didn't do a damn thing-"

"You crucio'd her," Roddy sneered hotly, "She told us, so you know what? You know fucking what, you slimeball?? Crucio!"

Fabian screamed. Roddy lifted his wand, looking pleased and shocked.

"You'd never done that before!" I said excitedly as he flicked his wand, returning to me my voice.

"I know," He was beaming, regarding his wand excitedly, "I feel… electric…"

Gideon, Sirius, and James were helping Fabian to his feet. They looked disgusted at Roddy, but suspiciously at Fabian who shrugged, "So what if I crucio'd her?"

"So, that's illegal…" Gideon drifted off.

"Its unforgivable," I piped in, cheerfully.

"You can't do that, mate, even on someone as worthless as Bella," Sirius sighed.

"He's acting like a wee Death Eater, isn't he?" I jeered, "Crucio, and all his outbursts, and how he isn't even sorry, how he didn't even tell you all. Isn't that something you'd expect from a Slytherin? From a Death Eater? Not your precious Prewett…"

"Your parents shouldn't have reproduced," James said, looking at me coldly, "Fabian will never be as bad as you. You're a monster-"

"He used the same curse as I did," I reminded them, standing as tall as possibly, chin proudly in the air, "He acted in the same manner as I. The only difference is that I'm the enemy. But our actions-"

"You're a sickening excuse for a witch, do you hear that a lot?" Fabian snapped furiously.

"You know sometimes I wonder if my parents are proud of me," I pondered aloud walking away from Dumbledore's office and our tedious, affectless, and utterly useless detention, "Do you ever wonder that, Fabian? Or you, Gideon? You see, when I wonder, I remember I can always ask… Guess you two will never know. But I'd bet a lot on the answer being an unquestionable 'No',"

"Whose parents would be proud of a whore?" Fabian sneered coldly.

"I don't know ask Molly Prewett's parents… oh wait, she's your sister and they're dead," I laughed, "My mistake, all apologies of course."

And then, it seemed to all happen so quickly. The other Gryffindors might look back on this moment in years to come, in dear memory of Fabian Prewett and think "oh how the mighty of have fallen" But future Slytherins will know the un mighty Fabian never had far to fall to begin with.

He crucio'd me for the second time, and my screams were silenced by Gideon, who also disarmed his brother hastily. Furious, Roddy jumped at Fabian, holding his wand to his throat, then to his heart, and almost whispered crucio again if not for Lucius who held him back, saying Fabian wasn't worth it, while Fabian turned to Gideon and screamed at him for stopping the torture, and I sat up, shakily from where I fell and I raced to the table, picked up the parchment and tore it into little pieces.

"I can't lie this way," I said calmly, as every person in the room stopped, mid-scream to stare at me in horror as I tore the parchment apart, tearing apart our lies, ripping it letter-for-letter into confetti. All that remained was the truth.

"That's the only noble thing I've ever seen you do," Sirius said after a moment of silence passed in the wake of our article, "And I've known you all my damn life."

"Super," I said sarcastically, surrounded by the fragments of our lie, "Let's rewrite it. Let's make it mean something-"

"It won't mean a thing if the word "peace" is written anywhere in it," Gideon said, burying his tired face in his hands, "We can't be honest and reassure the wizarding world-"

"I don't give a damn about reassurance," I snapped, kicking over the nearest chair, "I care about the truth."

"Cheers," Gideon rolled his eyes from behind his hands, "But Dumbledore-"

"Will be glad we aren't liars," Lucius cut in, "Who wants to write the right thing?"

Everyone but Gideon and James approached the table immediately. Slowly, the final two Gryffindors joined us, looking apprehensive as I began scrawling away, my cursive in black ink on white parchment, truth replaced lies, my own handwriting, replacing Gideon's.

"What's it say?" Severus asked eagerly after several minutes of silence had come and gone without interruption.

"Let me edit it," Lucius sighed, tearing my blunt speech from my shaking hands, hands shaking with anger at my own mortality, anger at Fabian, anger at Dumbledore, anger at everything but the one truth I wanted to scream to the world, the one truth I wanted to write to the world- Nobility and Ambition aren't limited to ONLY Gryffindors and ONLY Slytherins. We were all a little of both, but our nobility was subjective, it was all fucking subjective, even though my heart told me I was on the right path, that Dark magic would show me the light, they were as convinced as I was of the opposite. Thus, we could never agree, there could never be peace. That was the truth.

Lucius finished and handed it to Fabian who added his bit, and then to Sirius, and by the time it was finished, honesty had never contradicted itself more. It wasn't a peace treaty, but it wasn't a mockery of the truth.

It read

"Hogwarts: A Present

We are all ambitious, not the Slytherins alone. We all adhere to our own definitions of nobility. Nobility is not alone found within the Gryffindor tower. And we are intelligent, we are loyal, we are all magical. And united, we can agree that in every person, there is some of every house, in every person, there is magic, whatever shade of light or dark, it is magic that brings us together, and still it is magic that tears us apart. I do not wave a white flag to anyone. For I am intelligent enough to know never to surrender what I believe in, because that would betray my loyalty, my nobility, and I am ambitious enough to know not to cause a war without the promise of victory. I am every house, I am every shade of magic. I am noble in my own right, I am loyal to my own cause, and I will never surrender, because Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slythern and Helga Hufflepuff, and Rowena Ravenclaw would have never surrendered to another's beliefs."- Bellatrix Black

"We can work together under one school, we can unite under magic, but we cannot make peace with opposing views. And we cannot make peace out of war."- Lucius Malfoy

"There is no glory in war, only in peace, but to attain peace, what is the sacrifice we must make? The sacrifice of war? Or the sacrifice of surrender?"- Fabian Prewett.

"Blood, Friendship, Houses, Love. I don't care whatever connects us, all bonds can be built, all bonds can be broken. Let us be at peace under what is right, not what is a delusional prejudice against others. Let us have peace on our own terms."- Sirius Black

"Peace follows war, war follows peace." Severus Snape

"I am here to learn, not to fight. Make potions, not war'- James Potter.

"Hogwarts is not a battlefield, but its students might just be warriors."- R. Lestrange.

" If I could, I would say the magic words and we would all agree, but in the meantime I fight for what I believe, and I believe in what I fight for,"- Gideon Prewett.

"Slytherin and Gryffindor weren't friends at the end of their lives."- Antonin Dolohov.

And that is what Dumbedore collected in the morning.

And those are the words of the warriors in this war.

And these are the battles we fight, and our hallowed halls of learning remain our battlefield, and every day is another victory to be had, and every defeat is another cause for revenge, and none of us will surrender , so all of us will fight. And there is so much to be gained from the fight, and nothing to be gained from standing back, watching the world rise and fall.

I respect the truth. And the truth is this: This is war. And the DEY meets tomorrow night to plan the next battle. And someone will be the loser, and someone will be the winner. I bet the two Ravenclaw second years know who to put their galleons on. Let there be love, let there be hate. Let there be war so we may have a better world when we are finally at peace. I am so alive with battle wounds, I am so alive when I'm tortured, or torturing, I am alive when I am in pain, or when my enemies are. I am alive at last. And if I die for the only thing that has ever made me feel so alive, then I shall know I really and truly lived. And I really, and truly loved.

Love always,

Bella

Author's Notes:

Hope you guys like it so far?

Big battle scene approaching…. Big big battle scene, hence the build up in this chapter. Enjoy!! Tell me what you think, I love knowing people are reading.

Thank you so much =]

-your hopeful author.


	29. The Silver Legends

_**A/N: *The words in bold like this are song lyrics from "Miami" by taking back Sunday. Just a heads up!***_

March 1st,

Dear Diary,

The past couple weeks have been rather busy, needless to say, I mean when is my life ever calm lately?

Dumbledore never published our article. Sometimes the truth is better left unsaid, I suppose. Sometimes people only want to hear lies, only want to believe what suits them. And by some people, I of course mean Gryffindors. And other blood traitors/mudblood, the filth that can't accept and acknowledge truth. The people who run from truth because it doesn't suit them. The cowards.

The school is a frenzy about the common knowledge of the war between the DEY and the Order of the Pigeons (They still insist that is not their name, but until they divulge their self titled identity, that is what we shall refer to them as). All rules, all bets, all facades are up, down, over and out.

It is the dawning of the reality that war exists inside these hallowed castle walls. Nowhere is safe in a time of war, it is not only fought on designated battle fields, but it exists within every self proclaimed warrior, it exists within us and we fight wherever we may go, we bring our wands as our swords and shields and we bring our conviction as our greatest weapon: the truth only we seem to know.

It does not grow tiring, this constant battle for power, no because it is in the name of the Dark Lord, my Lord.

It does not grow tiring because I was born for it.

It gives me energy, in fact. It fuels me, I am so alive.

I never knew what living was as a child, never knew that in order to truly be alive you had to love, love so deeply you could give your life to something, you could give your heart, soul, and mind to something or someone and then you could be happy because you had love, and no one could rob you of that, at the very least, you had your love, your greatest power.

So when I see Sirius and remember I used to believe I loved him, as a brother, as a best friend, I can't help but cringe. That is not love, but a childish loyalty, as weak as his loyalty to his blood. Something I grew out of, something that died with my niavete. But still, when the DEY decided their last goal, my stomach couldn't help but turn.

"It is time we stepped this up," Lucius announced in a whispered authoritve tone, "I know I outlawed violence before, but expulsion seems a small price to pay for the dark Lord's affection. We are turning to his main weapon, we are turning to violence."

He was met with smiles, applause, cat calls, excitement, from every member, Reggie slammed his fist down on the stone floor and said "FINALLY, MATE!" Crabbe and Goyle rubbed their fat knuckles menacingly, while Roddy reached for my hand, clasped it tightly as his handsome face burst into a vivid smile which I happily returned. We were following in the brave footsteps of our Lord, in the typical fashion of war.

"We are to pick a target, we are to kill him," Lucius announced, "The Dark Lord spoke to my father about it, saying it would prove utmost loyalty if our organization was able to demonstrate strength, passion and devotion of that magnitude. The person must be mudblood or blood traitor. The person must be strong. The killer must be me or Dolohov because we are the 7th years about to graduate. I nominate myself, but we can vote if we must."

"Its all you, mate," Dolohov was smiling, but his eyes betrayed his unease.

Lucius nodded, accepting his mission, his fate, "I have chosen the person, and the Dark Lord approves, to mark the blood traitors as enemies, we will be disposing of Sirius Black. In the name of love, hate, the Dark Lord, and the holy truth that to betray your blood is to betray your magic, your family, and Dark Lord himself. We will show them the truth if we have to spell it in blood. We will show them the light if we have to burn down Gryffindor tower. Its about time we become taken seriously. And here is our chance. Chances are the nature of war. Do I have your support, my Death Eater Youth?"

"He'll regret leaving home now," Reggie sounded somber but calm as he spoke, the room, every pair of eyes, had suddenly locked on him, and then turned unconsciously towards me.

"He's been dead to me for ages," I shrugged, though my heart skipped a beat, "The truth is blood traitors are going to die. Let's show them the light, let us broadcast the truth in the name of our Lord."

_***The whole truth**_

_**And nothing but the truth**_

_**-Please stop me if you've heard this one before-**_

_**The whole truth: and nothing but the truth**_

_**Is nothing but a good excuse***_

This was 5 days ago.

We've been planning ever since. Planning for a battle that will create a scene, a scene of confusion, a scene of chaos. We needed to set the scene for murder. Lucius is reserved. He only half listens as we talk at dinner. He nods to questions he doesn't hear. He smiles at jokes he doesn't listen to. He glares at faces he sees straight through. He is losing his humanity for his cause, he is becoming who he must one day become. He is abandoning innocence for glory. He is becoming a hero.

"There is a book, released by muggles in the 1200's, entitled 'The Golden Legend," Severus said at dinner yesterday.

"Muggle?" Roddy scowled, "What's your point Sev?"

"It was written about their saints to their religion. Saints who were in large part, wizards, and revered for their martyrdom, bravery and loyalty. I know we aren't saints, but Bella, if you ever publish that crazy diary of yours, or make it into some crazy book after the revolution, call it The Silver Legend. Like the new saints, the almost-saints. The warrior saints, if you will."

"No one is ever reading my diary, Sev, not a single word of it," I laughed, "But I like that title for us. The Silver Legends. The murdering saints. It's what we are, isn't it?"

"Its certainly how we see ourselves," Lucius smiled from somewhere far off in the distance, "I like to think that's what we are. I like to think we're saints who have seen the light in the darkest of magic."

"Saints with a twist," Roddy offered, grinning, "Saints with ambition. Saints of Slytherin. I mean, we're already Slythern royalty. Sainthood might as well come next. It would seem to follow naturally."

"Naturally," Severus smirked.

It was then that Sirius Black crossed the Great Hall with Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew. His eyes locked on mine. His lips mouth the word "Bitch" as he passed.

_I remember being 7 years old, playing with 6 year old Sirius in my mansion. He tripped on the stairs, down all of them, but instead of falling, tumbling, he seemed to float and landed at the bottom, sitting, his tiny legs stretched out before him, his small body unharmed. He looked up at me as I hurried down after him._

"_I didn't get hurt," He looked at me quizzically, "I couldn't have done that, I was too surprised."_

"_I'm not going to let my cousin practically die!" I said, hugging him as I sat beside him at the base of my long spiral staircase._

"_What's death?" he asked, furrowing his brow._

"_Like what happens to our old house elves when our auntie hangs up their heads," I explained with the air of an expert, "Like when you stop moving and talking, and you just sleep forever and ever."_

"_Do you dream?" He asked curiously, his childish eyes wide with innocence._

"_I hope so," I smiled at him, resting my head on his shoulder, my long hair cascading over us both, "Otherwise death would be boring."_

"_Agreed," He grinned, "Don't tell anyone you saved me, ok? I'll sound like a baby!"_

"_It's a secret, I swear!" I grinned back, "It was cool magic, right?"_

"_The coolest," He looked wistful for a moment, 'I can't wait til Hogwarts when we can do magic all day every day and we can be in the same house and stuff."_

"_Slytherin!" I beamed, "Like our mommies and daddies. I can't wait either. I ask for a wand every day, and they tell me blah de blah, not until I'm 11."_

"_That's stupid, I want one now," Sirius sighed, and got shakily to his feet, "If we can do magic without wands, what happens when we get them?"_

"_We'll be powerful," I laughed, "It will be so cool. I just want to grow up already."_

"_You're already 7, lucky." He pouted and extended his hand, which I accepted as he lifted me to my own feet, "I want to be 7,"_

"_Forget 7, we want to be like 16 and 15 when we're older and powerful and all grown up," I couldn't help but smile excitedly at the promised future._

"_And we'll be best friends," He said firmly._

"_You will be a year younger, make sure you make me look cool," I said harshly, "But yes, best friends, Siri. Now where's that toy broomstick? I want to play. I'm going for a wee ride first. I am older, afterall. And I just saved your life."_

"_Are you ever going to let me forget that?" He laughed._

"_Nope," I stuck out my tongue, "I saved your life, and now you owe me forever and ever and ever."_

"_Great," He said sarcastically as we scampered off in search of the toy broomstick. It was autumn, I remember wishing away the days until we could grow up._

_And now we have, and I can't get my mind off my childhood. The mandrakes are always more feisty on the other side._

_***So long as you don't torture me with my past**_

_**Let's be honest…**_

_**A secret silenced**_

_**Is a secret safe***_

Its funny that I once saved his life and I am now engaged in the plan to end it. I worried, briefly, about his father Orion, my uncle, but I would probably be doing him a favor, eliminating a disowned disgrace, pruning my family tree. It's what anyone would do. That's what we say at the DEY meetings. We are doing our part for the cause that we love. It's just what anyone would do.

And there is death in the war outside the walls, and as the war penetrates these walls deeper, and our love seeps more thouroughly through our hearts, our love of all that is dark and beautiful, our love for our Lord, death is the natural occurance. To die a hero for his cause, the fate of Sirius Black. And our fate is to champion our cause.

And we cannot do that with passive humiliation. As our organization becomes known, it is our duty to maintain our respect, our duty to uphold the name of the Dark Lord. And in his name, we place our own lives, and end the lives of others. This is what we do for love. Not for hate.

Sirius won't even have to know what's coming. One second he'll be alive, and the next second, he won't be.

Maybe he'll have good dreams when he dies, maybe death won't be boring at all.

I hope not to find out, not until I've served my Lord, until I've lived my life. I want my life. I want to breathe in this late winter air, to taste Roddy's kisses, to watch Cissy grow up so quickly, to see the rising of the Dark Lord and the fall of the traitors and unworthy. I want to live for glory. But I know that if I die, it will also be for glory.

_A year later, I was 8, and Sirius was 7 we sat watching the snow in early February in his manor, 12 Grimmauld Place. We sat on old wooden chairs with elaborate paneling and carvings by a large picture window in the library, our eyes following the paths of hundreds of thousands of perfect snowflakes._

"_I love snow, its so lovely," I was grinning, "Its so pure, innocent, peaceful."_

"_Its going to turn to rain," He informed me, "The weather station of the wireless wizarding network said so. Its going to all be washed away."_

"_That's depressing," I frowned, "Depressing means sad, but really, really sad."_

"_I know, Bella, I'm not a baby," He replied rather haughtily for a 7 year old, "And I don't much like snow. It makes me trip."_

"_That's because you're clumsy," I teased, "You didn't inherit the Black family grace."_

"_You didn't inherit the Black family brains!" He shot back, chuckling. Suddnely the legs on his chair gave out and he fell with a crash. I giggled._

"_Remember, I saved your life once mister!" I reminded him, still laughing as I extended my hand to pull him to his feet._

"_So now you're trying to kill me?" He glared, rubbing his elbow that had taken most of the burden of the fall._

"_I didn't mean to!" I assured him with a giggle._

"_Fix it, or my mum will kill me and you'll have saved my life last year for nothing!" He said, crossing his arms and looking pouty._

"_I can't fix it, I don't even really know how I broke it," I shrugged, "And don't be such a baby, you look like you're going to cry."_

"_I am not!" He shot back, obviously on the verge of tears. They were glistening behind his dark eyes._

"_Sorry for getting you killed," I joked, and pulled him on my lap, "Cheer up, Siri. I bet you get to dream all the time when you die."_

"_I'll dream about kicking you," He teased, sticking out his tongue in a childish manner._

"_Yeah, yeah," I rolled my eyes dismissively, "Let's go get food before I die of starvation and dream about pumpkin pie the whole time I'm dead."_

And with that we set off, death and dreams forgotten for the time.

Only to haunt us now, though he has no idea as he walks to class chatting animatedly with all his friends, laughing at jokes, tripping Severus and getting weekly detentions for minor pranks. He seems so alive. Funny how he has a death sentence on his handsome head.

_***Reminders: they are not reluctant**_

_**-so stop me if you've heard this one before-**_

_**Sideways blinders**_

_**I can't find a way around you***_

"Hey Sirius," Reggie called to Sirius today while Reggie and I sat on the front castle steps discussing our plans for Easter and Sirius, flanked with his three best friends was ascending the hill from the greenhouses where, judging by the mud on his hands and robes, he had just finished a erbology lesson.

"Hey rat face," Sirius replied to his little brother coldly. It seemed like an odd insult, as their faces were practically identitcal. Ah, brotherly "love"

"Wait for a minute, I wanna have a little family chat," Reggie said calmly, locking his dark eyes with his brother's identical ones.

"My family is James, Remus, and Peter, and have family chats all the time," Sirius responded with a cold smile, "So if you'll excuse me-"

He was about to march by us when Reggie grabbed his wrist, gently and firmly at once, "Just give me a bloody minute, Siri, come on, mate."

He shrugged, "I'll meet you in the entrance hall in a sec, I'm being side tracked by Slytherin royalty,"

James rolled his eyes, while Peter and Remus nodded, and turned away. James hesistated but Sirius urged him on and face us, "What? What, dear Godric, do you nutters want?"

"I'm going to give you a chance," Reggie said slowly, "Come to Easter with us, change your ways. See the light."

"All you see is dark," Sirius said coolly, "I have no interest in spending Easter with either of you, or the rest of our insane family. Give them a message for me: Fuck you all. I'm done with the pureblood hysteria, done with the arrogance, the pretense, done with all of it. I'm done with both of you. Godric, I can't stand to look at you two, what the dark arts have turned you into- raging psychopaths. I feel sorry for you idiots, get a grip and apologize for losing your bloody minds, and THEN come talk to me,"

"I didn't realize you were a lost cause," Reggie sneered, and Sirius hesistated before leaving, "I mean, I never thought you were so easily lead by the unworthy members of our kind."

"They're wonderful people-"

"You're the idiot, clearly," I interjected, knowing Reggie was trying to save Sirius's life. But I'd already done that once. And once was enough.

"I guess I see what you are now," Reggie said coldly, his eyes dark, flashing like ice, "I see what's happened."

"Enlighten me, oh master of the dark arts," Sirius mocked him.

"There are some broken things, some wilted flowers, you have to leave broken, you have to let die," Reggie sighed, his hands over his head, massaging his temples exhaustedly

"You know what, 'brother'?" Sirius laughed without mirth, "I couldn't have worded that any better myself.'

"Great, then go make the wrong choice and see where fate leads you," Reggie pointed towards the doors to the entrance hall, "Open the doors, embrace death."

"I'm embracing life, Reggie," He corrected him furiously, "You two, you're the ones embracing death."

"Not our own deaths at least," I drawled, smiling up at him coldly.

"Yeah, we'll wait and see, won't we?" Sirius began to walk away, up the stairs, towards his own fall.

"We won't have to wait much longer, but we'll certainly see," I replied, my voice carrying in the bitter wind, "Have a nice day."

"Go die," he replied with a fake smile as he slammed the doors behind him. Reggie and I faced each other, cynical smiles playing about our lips.

"He says go die?" I repeated, almost laughing, "That seems… ironic."

"Those would be epic famous last words," Reggie commented smugly, "If he only knew…"

"We both know he'd still walk away," I replied almost sadly.

Almost.

"The right path, its not for everyone," Reggie sighed.

"If there were no wrong path, there would be no right path," I reminded him, "People like him, they give us our purpose. Is it hard for you… losing him this way?"

"It was harder losing him to mudbloods and blood traitors," Reggie shrugged, seeming detached from the notion of his brother's death, "He isn't our Sirius anymore. It's no loss to us, Bella."

"The battle approaches," I noted, knowing it would occur in a month, right after Easter, right after the peaceful escape of the holidays.

"The truth will be heard," Reggie said emphatically, "And the non believers will see. Everyone will see. It will be remembered. It will be clear."

"We stand for what's right, I feel it so certainly, we do what we do for love," I said as much to myself as to Reggie, "Its all for love. Love is all we need."

"Love and bravery," He smiled, "And faith in our Lord, in ourselves and in each other."

"Faith, love, and bravery," I repeated, my lips flashing Reggie a brief grin, "Slytherin Royalty. The Silver Legends. Our fate approaches."

"And we embrace it," Reggie nodded sternly.

Just then Fabian Prewett and Lily Evans marched up the hill, towards the entrance hall where we sat on the cold stone steps, admiring the gray afternoon, talking lightly of life and death.

"I'll curse Prewett, you curse the mudblood?" I suggested with a smirk.

We drew our wands.

Fabian was hit with a body bind curse. Evans was tripped.

Laughing, Reggie and I raced back inside.

I think when I die, I'd like to die laughing. I'd like to die happy.

I'd like to be a Marty. A silver legend, a Slytherin princess. I'd like to die with honor of a soilder, and the grace of a Black, the grace that Sirius didn't inherit. One of the many traits that skipped the eldest son of Orion Black.

And now we enter the end game of this year, the end game of the war of my 6th year. And soon there will be a battle, soon there will be victory, soon there will be screams of both triumph and defeat, soon there will be laughter and tears of both extremes. Soon we will prove our devotion.

I catch myself holding my breath sometimes with anticipation. It makes Roddy chuckle. Sometimes I fall asleep with him in his bed, but it just makes it all the more difficult to fall asleep on my own.

Sometimes I have nightmares of dark cells and a dark ocean.

I hope when you die, if you do dream, they are never nightmares. Because nothing makes me feel more uneasy than dreaming of a dark room by an endless cold ocean. The only sounds in the nightmare are of distant screams and the loud waves against the rocks of my prison.

I awaken myself, sweating, nearly in tears.

But such dreams matter not what life is so exhilarating.

I am so certain of my love, and my love defines my actions, thus I can ascertain that I am entirely certain about my actions.

All you need is love.

If only Sirius knew. He thinks he does. He'll never really understand love. If he did, he would never betray his family for unworthy blood traitors. He'd have never forsaken his life for trash. If I lay down my life, it will be for everything. When he lays down his life, it will be for nothing.

So here we go, another day marked off on the calendar as I lay down my quill for sleep. All too soon, it will all happen so fast, and life and death will never be the same.

***The faith you've found I've never felt***

Love always,

Bella

Author's notes:

I know this was a bit of a slower chapter, but keep in mind the next ones will be moving very, very quickly. This was to set the scene for what is to come! I hope you enjoyed it!! Just a reminder of the scenes from the preview chapter posted before that are yet to come…

"The world, you see," I hissed to Andy harshly in the midst of the chaos, "Is only as twisted as you make it."

"Well in that case, your world hasn't been a straight line since you learned your first words, and you're dragging everyone else through all the twists and turns with you," She retorted coldly, turning towards the battle before us, "What are you waiting for? Go for it, you wouldn't want to ruin your reputation by staying on the sidelines beside your disowned blood traitor whore sister, would you?"

"Oh Andy," I chuckled, "The fight doesn't begin until I join in."

"This is bigger than you are, Rosier!" Lucius shouted furiously, "Bigger than you, Avery! Bigger than you Lestrange!

"To be fair, it's probably not bigger than Crabbe and Goyle," Roddy snickered, I couldn't help but smile despite the tragedy.

"It's not a joke," Lucius snapped, slamming his first against the desk, sending dust swirling into the air, "It is our LIVES."

"We're aware, we aren't Hufflepuffs," Roddy combated, standing to face Lucius, "So stop treating us like first year Hufflepuff mudbloods, and start to learn to respect us, without us you have an empty classroom and a lot of dreams, but with us you have an ingenious organization and plans."

"Roddy would make a better president if you ask me," Rosier piped up.

"Seconded, for the love of Salazar, seconded," Reggie sighed, clapping his hands, "All in favor of replacing King Lucius?"

"What the bloody hell is this?" Lucius snapped, standing so quickly his chair slammed to the floor.

"A coup d'etat?" I offered, giggling, "Mutiny? Uprising?"

"Sometimes Bella," Lucius breathed, seemingly unaware the entire room was glaring at him in intense exasperation, "I really hate you."

"Only sometimes?" I smirked, "I must be doing my job very poorly then. Now I believe we were calling a vote, my King whose crown is being threatened. All in favor of Roddy over our current president- Say aye!"

** ** *

"It's more than a club, Cissy," I whispered, "It's a lifestyle."

"I do suppose it's certainly one way to live," She said, bemused her eyes far off.

"For me, it's the only way,"

"So when will I see you again?" She asked tentatively, clutching my hand as we walked through the rose garden, their velvet petals shining in the heat of the early summer sun, their thorns menacingly prevailing in the shadows, the light catching only the surface, the beautiful.

"If I knew," I said slowly, sadly regarding the flowers, wondering how long their beautiful ephermal life would last, how many glorious days and nights they'd see, how many rain showers would wash them clean, and wondering when a colder autumn rain would wash them away, drown them, as if they never existed, never shined in their full glory before us, "I would certainly tell you, little sister. But I am not currently informed on even where I will be, never mind times and dates and details. My life is open, my life is closed."

** * ** *

"Bella," Roddy smiled, "It means beauty, beautiful, ah and you are so very, and truly, stunning"

"But what's in a name, my darling?" I said in a hushed voice as we kissed lightly.

"Words and syllables," He replied kissing back, his lips still pressed softly against mine, moving against mine, as he spoke, and love flowed through me, so sweet and dramatic, harsh and lovely, as he carried on "But what's in your name? It's truth."

** * ** *

"Dumbledore once said 'promise me life and I'll confess the truth," I whispered, licking my lips anxiously as I continued, "It's some quote, but it stuck in my head, like a melody you can't block out. Like a name you can't remember. Like a vision that won't fade. So I ask you- do you promise me life?"

"I do. Now, about confessing this truth…"

** *

"How's your pride, Prewett?"I sneered loudly so the entire room could hear, "Does it hurt?"

"Not as much as you're about to," His eyes flashed, and the room fell immediately silent, "Any last words?"

"Seriously?" I dropped my wand to the floor, grinning, as it rolled away, hitting the side of Roddy's shoe as he leaned over to pick it up, gazing up at me in confusion, "Kill me, Prewett, as if you had the talents or the spine. But here's your chance, murder now or forever hold your peace. Or rather, hold your war."

"BELLA, NO!"

** *

CONTINUING NOTES:

So anyways I hope you enjoyed and you're looking forward to what's next!!! Pls review it means a lotttt

And I hope you're excited and intrigued =] pls let me know!

Love,

Your devoted author


	30. There Will Be Blood

April 1st,

Dear Diary.

I apologize, truly, for my absence in writing. Allow me to explain my hiatus from the sanctuary of these pristine pages.

It was a quiet early spring evening several weeks ago when Roddy, Severus, Lucius, Dolohov, Rosier, and I were strolling along the grounds as twilight slowly crept over us, and a pale full moon began to form in the horizon. We came to a halt beyond the greenhouses. Freezing in our tracks at the sight of Hagrid tending to his meak garden beside his hut, we found ourselves frustratingly trapped. We were not TECHNICALLY allowed outside on the grounds, due to the brewing war. They failed to realize, as the royal kingdom of Slytherin and devoted servants of the Dark Lord, we were in no danger. Thus, when we fancied ourselves a walk, we took a walk. I do as a please.

But regardless, we found ourselves…. Ever so slightly trapped once we saw our least favorite Gryffindors… James, Sirius, and Peter spilling out of the castle doors in a bit of a frenzy. They were headed inexplicably towards the Whomping Willow.

"Where are you going, Bella?"Lucius seethed as I jumped from behind the greenhouses approaching my dear cousin and his pathetic cronies.

"They don't have any more permission to be out than we do, Lucius," I said curtly and walked briskly, confidently, towards the Gryffindors, who froze mid-step and mid-conversation when they caught sight of me and the band of Slytherins following in my wake.

"What in the name of bloody Gryffindor are you doing here, madam Satan?" Sirius snapped furiously, nearly stumbling at his sudden stop. He looked anxious, uncharacteristically so, as his eyes landed on the standing army of his worst enemies gathered before him.

"I could ask you the same thing, Sir blood traitor," I replied, glaring coldly towards him, "What brings you out doors in this cold, dark days of war? Haven't you heard? There's a big bad wizard who could kill you in less time than it would take for you to beg for forgiveness for all your foolish errors."

"Look, bitch, leave us alone," Potter sounded thoroughly frustrated. In fact, his exasperation was overwhelming his combativeness. He wasn't looking for a fight. He was on another sort of mission. Night was falling faster, the moon gleaming in the distance, stars began to sparkle as the sky darkened to a royal shade of blue.

"Tell us what you're up to," Severus urged them, his thin lips twisting into a twisted smile, "What's the matter? Are we interrupting your blood traitor shenanigans?"

"How thoughtless of us," Roddy sneered, and with a brief glance to ensure Hagrid was not in view, he cast his wand and whipped it across the air, turning our all of their pockets. From James' robes fell his wand, a small golden snitch, and a crumpled piece of parchment bearing Lily Evan's name. These items landed directly into Lucius' outstretched hands.

"Have a thing for Evans, do we?" Lucius chortled coldly, "I guess filth attracts more filth. "

Out of Peter's robes there were four or five chocolate frogs, a wand, and his transfiguration homework. When the items landed gently in my hands, I smiled cruelly at the sniveling fat Gryffindor before me and tossed the chocolate to Rosier and Dolohov before using his own wand to burn his meticulous assignment into ashes before his watery eyes.

But it was the items from Sirius' pockets, the items Roddy clutched that were most intruiging. A small frayed wrinkled piece of parchment that bore a map of the entirety of the school, accompanied by his wand and a small sketching of path trails in the forbidden forest.

"Well, well, these are some interesting items, are they not?" Roddy sneered, approaching Sirius slowly, reading the map with pronounced fascination, "I want this."

"No." Sirius looked furious as he reached for the map that Roddy threw in the air and suspended it there with his wand, smiling as Sirius jumped fecklessly for his lost treasure.

"You want it back?" Roddy snickered, making the parchment dance in the air.

"Give it to me," Sirius growled, his black eyes flashing in the invading darkness of the evening.

"Not even a chance," Roddy was laughing still as the map did cartwheels mid-air.

"Does wittle Sirius want his wittle mappy back?" I sneered, circling the Gryffindors, debating on how best to break Pettigrew's wand. It was a fat one, which figures. Fat loser, fat ugly wand. It was bendable too, not firm like mine. I hated it. There are some wands, like some people, which simply give me a feeling of disgust. Both Pettigrew and his wand met this criteria.

"Bellatrix Black, I will make you pay," Sirius fumed and suddenly, he jumped Roddy, knocking him to the ground and ripping his wand free from Roddy's surprise grasp. Glaring up at my cousin's murderous face, Roddy hit him with a spell that sent him flying backwards, and while Sirius's map remained in the air, far above his flailing clutches, he was thrown backwards with his blood traitoring wand in his blood traitoring hands.

"You don't have your map, you piece of trash," Severus reminded him coldly, "Take your wand, not like you can do any magic worth fearing with it anyway, Black."

"Look Snivellus, I can do more magic than you and your whole demented clan of wanna-be Voldemort fuckers put together. Watch me- ACCIO SEVERUS SNAPE'S MOST PRIZED POSSESSION!"

And suddenly, soaring from the castle came a stained potion book, which rested neatly in its resting place of Sirius' arms.

"Give. Me. That." Severus sounded dangerous, and in an instant, the book flew back to Severus.

"Now that is trash," Sirius laughed, "Couldn't afford a new book, Snivelly?"

"Or shampoo by the looks of it, mate," Potter added in with a snicker, though he grew quiet when Lucius bent his wand so far it almost snapped.

"I'll be holding onto that map for you, cousin, we can use it for far greater things than you and your pathetic excuses for wizards-" The map folded itself tidily and swopped into my open pocket, "So thanks for the map, we'll call it an early birthday present."

"Fuck no-" Sirius was growing red in his pale cheeks, flushing with anger.

"Okay, a late Christmas present then, whatever you want, dear cousin," I said with a laugh and began to walk past him.

"ACCIO BELLATRIX BLACK'S MOST PRIZED POSESSION!" Sirius cried out in undiluted rage and my heart missed several beats as I saw you- YES YOU- my diary, fly from the entrance hall headed straight towards Sirius.

I raised my wand and turned all the ink to white, silently before it collided with Sirius's outstretched hands.

"What do we have here?" He flicked through the seemingly blank pages curiously.

"None of your bloody business." I snapped.

"I'll trade you," He grinned, "I'll give you back your diary. Yes, its obviously a diary. I will surrender all your sick twisted thoughts and deeds which you foolishly recorded in writing if you surrender my map. Otherwise, Bella, I WILL undo whatever spell you cast to make your ink invisible, and I will make copies, hundreds of copies and I'll publish it: "Days in the Life of a future murdering whore."

"I will KILL you-"

"Okay, "Diary of a Death Eater" then, whatever you want," his smile was sickeningly smug. I remember the last few pages detailed the plan for his death. I felt myself pale.

"Look this is for the best-" I said through clenched teeth to my fellow Slytherins and Sirius and I made the exchange.

I clutched you, my dearest leather bound diary, to my chest which was heaving up and down heavily with anxious shallow breaths.

"Now I see why there are no female Death Eaters, the stupid cows keep diaries," Rosier sighed loudly andf pushed passed myself and the Gryffindors, walking briskly towards the entrance hall. Lucius, and Dolohov turned to follow him, Lucius dropping James's wand into the mud and stepping on it, shoving it deeper into the soft spring ground. Severus, glaring at Sirius, made a crude gesture and then followed. With a heavy sigh I cast Peter's wand somewhere into the forbidden forest and gave the three of them an icy forced smile whilst Roddy clutched my hand and dragged me away as we caught up with the others.

"What did that thing say, Bella?" Lucius demanded harshly as I held you dear diary even closer, "What in the bloody hell does that blasted book say? How many secrets have you moronically put into writing? How much TROUBLE would your pathetic need for self expression and thoughtful reflection have gotten us into?"

"More than you need to know, Lucius," I replied curtly, "This was… foolish. No more writing secrets-"

"No more writing at all unless you'd like to switch from the murder, torture and great good section of the Death Eater's to the Public relations sector. You want to give up your active role as a warrior and be a journalist, be my fucking guest- but if that's not your intention you will STOP writing in a fucking diary," Lucius's eyes flashed with frustration and rage as we walked on, the only sound besides his reprimands were our footsteps softly tapping against the stone floor, "I mean, are you a third year hufflepuff? Do you really need to detail all the dreamy wizards and everything that miss-nobody-cares says to you in potions class? Do you really feel the need to record your life like you're 13? You're not a little girl dealing with friendship drama, unrequited love, and quiddich anxieties, you're in training to be a WARRIOR. Burn that book. Burn it. And with it, burn all your petty insecurities and need for a bloody diary. You're a big girl, Bella, act like it for ONCE."

"Are you quite finished?" I said bitterly as we began the descent towards our common room.

"That depends- are you finished with your diary, you bloody child?"

"I am," I lied flatly.

"Then as am I," He took a breath, "Now, I am going to bed, what a waste of an evening. I'll see you all at the Death Eater meeting tomorrow. It's going to be an important one- we're planning our battle. I'll give you lot some great stuff to write about in your fucking diaries."

And with those last taunting words, he stormed up to the boys dormitory.

"You're an idiot," Rosier laughed, throwing himself down on the couch with Severus preparing to embark on a game of wizard's chess, "Like, you're seriously stupid."

"Duel me, and we'll see who is, in fact, stupid,." I smirked, tucking my long hair behind my ear with one hand and clinging desperately to my diary with the other, my hands beginning to sweat pressed against the thick leather cover.

"What does that thing say anyway?" Roddy asked, gently putting his arm around my shoulder as we collapsed on the couch across from Severus, Rosier, and Dolohov, who joined them, yawning widely. I noticed all of them were eyeing my diary suspiciously, curiously, and even hungrily.

"It talks about how dreamy you are, how much I love the Slytherin Quiddich team, how annoying my baby sisters can be-"

"I call bull shit," Rosier laughed, "Read us a page, just a page, doll, and we'll never mention your idiocy again."

"And if I don't read a single word and tell you to fuck yourself?" I replied sweetly.

"I make fun of you for this mistake forever," Rosier grinned.

"Then keep thinking of your un-amusing repetitive jibes Rosier, because my diary is none of your business." I stood up, "I think I'm going to bed, I could use a bit of rest. I'll see all your charming faces tomorrow."

Roddy stood and followed me to the stairs, kissing me good-bye, and just as I was about to turn and walk heavily up the stairs, my diary held against my chest like a shield, he whispered, "Just put a spell on it to make it so that no one can summon it. Keep writing, my Bella, no one needs to know."

"That was my plan too," I grinned, and replied softly, "I love you."

"and I love you," he smiled, his face so close, his lips smiled pressed against my own smiling lips. We kissed gently before I turned to go.

Now it took me these past weeks to perfect making you un-summonable, un-plottable, and only I can make the ink visible with a homemade spell. Thus, you are safe, I am safe, and the DEY is safe. How dare they order I burn you.

You see, you are a part of me. And I'd never destroy a part of myself.

Now this story was lengthy, and I require sleep. I shall update you on all the on-goings of the DEY soon. You will have more details than you know what to do with.

I love you, diary, as I love myself. For you are me. With each word, a part of my soul is poured into you, a part of my heart bleeds on these parchment pages. You become more and more of me with each entry. You might be the only heart I have left that is untainted.

Love always,

Bella

April 3rd.

Dear Diary,

We leave for Easter vacation in two weeks. Thus, we have two weeks to plan for this battle. As spring blooms, and bird chirp in the morning sunshine, and rain replaces snow, and flowers peak their brightly colored heads over the dewy grass, death dawns ever closer.

The death, of course, of Sirius Black.

But more than that, the battle is planned to take place after the quiddich final. The whole school will be there, it seemed fitting. Lucius is prepared to throw his life away for this glory of love, the glory of hate, the glory of victory, and most importantly the glory of our Dark Lord.

We are all prepared to lose ourselves to something greater. And then I ask myself, have I already lost myself?

But no, of course not. What a foolish misconception. You see, dearest diary, I have certainly found myself among the fury and vitality of war. Is it so wrong, to be reborn in a battlefield? No, it is the fate of any warrior.

Lucius accepts his fate with grace and silent reserve. Cissy asks me constantly why he seems so distant, why he wont explain the aims of the DEY. I try to lie and say that's just how he is. She glares and storms off. She knows better than that, she knows there is some unspoken plan weighing on his mind, some unspoken event forthcoming. I tell her nothing yet. It is too soon. And she need not worry about how far the DEY will go, for in her niave mind, she may see it as too far, when in reality we can never go far enough in the name of our Dark Lord.

As far as you and I go, my darling diary, you have caused me a bit of mockery.

For example at detention yesterday evening, Dumbledore had us read and summarize the chapters of "Hogwarts: A History" which detailed the friendship of Slytherin and Gryffindor. Great, propaganda about ancient dead friendships. Very relevant. Don't get me wrong, I get the point and symbolism he is aiming for, but we are not them, and when we live and die in their names, we live and die where they left us- divided. He might have us read the chapters of their friendships, but we've also read the chapters of their rivalry, their dividision, their loathing for one another. We know the truth they hide in the restriction section, we know the truth of dark magic hidden in the darkness they cast, we know where the true light shines. We read beyond the pages they require. We see though it all.

But anyway, it was after we finished summarizing the chapters that Dumbledore set us free, reminding us that any dueling would result in double the detentions.

As soon as the door shut behind us and his silver blue eyes were piercing us no longer, I tripped Fabian down the stairs. Roddy squeezed my hand approvingly as Lucius, Dolohov, and Severus laughed.

"That's not dueling." I shouted to his bruised and crumpled form at the foot of the stairwell, "No wand, no duel."

"Now observant," He called sarcastically, nursing his elbow that had taken the brunt of the fall while Gideon raced forward to help him to his shaking legs, "You going to write about this in your precious diary? Yes, I know about it, don't give me that look. The whole school is buzzing about the fact that there is some sort of record, some sort of manifesto about the DEY. And we're all just riveted by your inner thoughts Bella, we'd love to hear what sick twisted ramblings you felt motivated to turn into prose."

"It would be far more interesting than any journal you'd keep," I sneered, stepping on his hand as I passed, while he had been attempting to push himself onto his feet, "I imagine yours would read 'Dear Diary, Bella knocked me down the stairs and stomped on my hand. I'm so pathetic, a girl can easily push me around. I have no back bone, I have no balls, and I have as much magical talent as a flobberworm. Death Eaters are like SO mean. Whoa is me."

"You're a bitch," He said, laughing as he stood, though he leaned slightly on Gideon to the left, and Sirius who had rushed forward to help him on the right, "Let's see this diary! Accio- Bella Black's diary!"

Nothing came. Roddy and I made eye contact and smirked.

"Thank you for burning it," Lucius said curtly, "How stupid can you be, really? Keeping a diary about the DEY, I mean, that's suicide."

"No, JOINING the DEY is suicide," James Potter piped in coldly, "Writing about it, well, that's just the goodbye note."

"Not joining the DEY is suicide, boy," Lucius rolled his gray eyes in exasperation, "I don't know why I bother arguing with you. You can't speak in the language of reason with blind fools."

"I know, I try every time I speak to you," Gideon snapped, half dragging Fabian in an effort to put as much distance between us and himself as possible.

"This is shit banter, you're not even clever enough to fight with," Lucius was half smiling, and passed Gideon and Fabian easily, leaving the limping Fabian and his assisting brother behind his strong footsteps.

"I look at you people, and all the lives you take and all I can say, is that for the sake of your victims, for the sake of humanity- I really hope there's a heaven," Gideon sighed.

"I look at you people, and I think to myself- I really hope there's a hell," I said simply with a voice tinged in sweetness as I too, passed the Prewett brothers, with Roddy's hand in mine. And as we passed them Roddy gave them a hearty shove, sending them toppling over themselves.

"I don't need to read your diary to know what it says," Fabian called as he and Gideon struggled to their feet, while we walked further and further away, almost out of earshot.

"Enlighten me, sir," I called behind my shoulder sarcastically, "Please do inform me as to what I think about and verbalize?"

"It's blank!" He replied simply, "Like whatever heart and soul you retain through your evil day to day life, its all fucking blank, meaningless-"

I turned around suddenly, releasing Roddy's startled hand, "There is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING meaningless about my life! It's all for a greater meaning, a greater good! Everything I do has a meaning, everything I do means EVERYTHING! Your life is the life without purpose, without meaning, without reason! Your life is as worthless as your dead parents and-"

"Shut the fuck up!" It was Gideon's furious voice this time.

"I swear to you, Bellatrix Black, I'm going to get your diary, there's no way you actually burned it if you're this obsessed with meaning." Fabian said in a voice of finality, "I'm going to find it, I'm going to read it, and I'm going to publicize every word until the whole world sees you for who you really are, and then you won't have enough dimwit Slytherin boys to protect you, there won't be enough shield charms in existence to shield you. When everyone sees you for you, you'll be the most hated woman in the world."

"You flatter me, surely," I laughed and turned back around, storming towards the stairwell to the common room, "If you ever get your greedy little hands on my diary, it'll be the last thing you do."

And with that I raced down the stairs.

"YOU DIDN'T BURN IT DID YOU?" Lucius was livid as he chased after me.

"NO!" I called back and heard Severus audibly groan and Dolohov mumble something about recklessness while Roddy tried to hold Lucius back growling about protective spells and enchantments

"Fabian's drive and hatred is more powerful than your fucking protective spells you idealistical gits!" Lucius called, growing out of breath as he closed in on me.

"UNHAND ME!" I roared as he picked me up and carried me to our old classroom, the old meeting place of the DEY, our former home, our former castle. The ashes remained, the space was uncleaned, the ruins of greatness, the remnants of a battle, the visualization of our war.

"YOU WILL BURN IT!" He screamed throwing me on the ash covered floor.

Coughing, I looked up at him and spit in his face. He flicked his wand and closed the door right before Roddy entered, I heard his strong body collide with the wooden closed portal, banging on it furiously, throwing spells to open it or break it apart.

"BURN THE BOOK, IN THIS ROOM, LET IT FALL AMONG THESE ASHES, ANOTHER RELIC OF WAR, ANOTHER CAUSALUTY OF BATTLE! IF I CAN GIVE MY LIFE AND MY REPUTATION TO KILL YOUR GODDAMN COUSIN, YOU CAN GROW UP AND BURN YOUR DIARY!"

"NO, GO FUCK YOURSELF!" I shouted back over Roddy's fists pounding on the unmovable door separating him from Lucius and I, "ITS MINE, IT'S A PART OF ME, IT'S THE ONLY THING PURE LEFT, THE ONLY SOURCE OF TRUTH BESIDES THE DARK LORD AND THE TRUTH I FEEL IN MY HEART-"

"THE DEY IS TRUTH!" Lucius insisted furiously, slamming his hand against the ash coated stone wall, blood and dust covered his injured knuckle as he pulled it away, obvlisoius to the pain, "OUR CAUSE IS TRUTH, IT'S THE ONLY TRUTH YOU NEED!"

"I NEED MY OWN TRUTH, I NEED THIS CATALOUGE OF THESE YEARS, I NEED IT-"

'YOU'RE SELFISH AND RECKLESS-"

"SO ARE YOU!" I was screaming so loudly my voice was cracking and ash filled my mouth drawing tears to my eyes, "WE ALL ARE! WE'RE HUMAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT? AND YOU SEEM TO FORGET- WE ARE NOT YOUR WARRIORS! WE ARE WARRIORS OF THE DARK LORD!"

"YOU'RE INSANE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE'LL EVEN TAKE YOU?" His own voice seemed to shake the ruined room, and his eyes flashed viciously.

"HOW DARE YOU!" I jumped up and punched him in the face, throwing him to the ground, "I AM TWICE AS POWERFUL AS YOU WILL EVER BE, I HATE YOU SO MUCH, YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

He grabbed my wrists to restrain me and turned over, knocking me to the floor roughly as he crawled over me, pinning my hands above my head, "You're insane, you're a danger to our cause, I should kick you out-"

"You won't do that," I smiled, my throat sore from screaming, "You all need me too much. The Dark Lord will want me. I will serve him well. You see, I have no interest in serving you. I don't respect you. Kill Sirius and that will change. Prove yourself a man and a warrior, prove that and I'll serve you as one of the Dark Lord's men- until that day… Go fuck yourself."

"We shouldn't be fighting, we're on the same goddamn side," He sighed, pulling himself to his feet, and wiping the ash off his face, but accidentally smearing the blood from his bleeding hand, "You can respect me or not. All that matters is that we fight to achieve the same aims. If you don't burn that book, you alone will be held responsible. Now start acting like a fucking grown witch and not a baby Hufflepuff."

"I don't think you're ready for the battle," I smirked, ignoring the hand he held out to assist me to my feet and standing on my own, "I think you'll be a little Hufflepuff and runaway from your challenge from your duty, from your promises. But go ahead, and prove me wrong."

"I will." He said coldly, "Why don't you prove me wrong and act like a sane Slytherin for just one bloody day."

"Sanity is subjective." I replied, glaring at him, and walked towards the door.

"You would say that." He sighed as I opened the door to see Roddy looked furious. He kissed me briefly on the lips and wiped the ashses from my face before moving towards Lucius and punching him in the stomach.

"Leave my girlfriend alone you bloody prat," Roddy growled menacingly.

"I shall," Lucius mumbled, clutching his stomach, "But not because you said so. Only because we are all on the same side, and we must operate as such."

"Good," Roddy nodded angrily, "Then we're fine, mate."

And with that, the three of us made our way back to the common room. Lucius and I covered in ash, covered in the ruins of our old meeting grounds. And when I showered and baptized myself again, washing away the ashes I knew that our former battles were washing away and all that lay before us was all that mattered.

The plans, the beautiful plans were coming together, for we had a meeting in the common room after Lucius and I had showered and the rest of the common room had filtered out.

"Is everyone clear on their post for the impending battle?" Lucius asked the eager faces of the DEY that sat before us.

"Only the important detail we've yet to resolve," Severus pressed, while others nodded before he elaborated, for we all knew the one hole in our plan, "HOW does the battle commence?"

"I almost forgot to announce this," Lucius's face broke into a most un-Lucius smile, "I received news from my father today! At the finale of the quiddich match, dementors will be arriving in Hogsmeade headed for our school, thus distracting the professors, thus ensuing mass panic, thus ensuing the perfect ambiance for a battle. The weather should be sunny. It should be a lovely day for a murder."

"So that's it, is it?" Reggie was beaming, "The final piece of the puzzle? The picture is whole now? We can envision the battle perfectly, can we not?"

"We can, indeed," Lucius was still smiling ever so widely, I almost forgot that under that icy layer, he was awfully handsome, in his own freezing way, "And thus, the war moves from the DEY Vs. the Order of the Pigeons to the Dark Lord versus the blood traitors. We will not be children on that day- we will be soilders!"

"Cheers!" Roddy began clapping, and soon the entirety of the common room was echoing in applause.

"Now, we must remember that we have two weeks left as children, and they should not go to waste-"

"Lucius my boy, are you suggesting a party?" Roddy grinned, "Because I may just have to applaud you a record, second time in a row!"

"The day before Easter Break, I believe we owe ourselves a bit of a celebration," Lucius nodded, grinning, his teeth as white as his fair skin.

"I'll bring the firewhiskey!" Reggie offered, gleefully.

"We've got the cauldron cakes!" Amycus and Alecto Carrow called out, on the balls of their toes with excitement.

"And the butterbeer is on me!" Dolohov interjected.

"Yes, yes, everyone bring something," Lucius laughed at the excitement that had filled their air, "Now, I think, just to really piss them off, we should invite all our favorite Gryffindors-"

"In that case, may I offer my services to be in charge of the invitations?" I looked up at him, offering him a weak smile, the memory of our fight still bitingly fresh, but the rejuvenation of parties and battles had erased the majority of the unpleasantness from my mind. It was as he said, we were on the same side of the battlefield, we were against the same foe, we fought under the same name. We were, for extensive purposes, friends.

"They're all yours, Bella," He nodded, our eyes meeting. And that was the day I stopped hating Lucius Malfoy. If only temporarily. That was the day I embraced all of the DEY, even the insufferable Alecto and Rosier, for at the end of the day, we were all fighting together, drinking together, living together in this world we sought to improve together. I smiled brightly. It was a new day born in the middle of the night. A new light born in the darkness. How fitting.

I made the invitations before I fell asleep. They're simply charming. Silver parchment with green writing bearing welcome and imploring the presence of all our favorite worst nightmares. I shall pass them out tomorrow.

They read "Enjoy your last few days as blood traitors without consequence in the company of those who are immeasurably better than you! Bring your camera and leave behind your self righteousness. Party in the former meeting area of the DEY next Friday at 9:30pm. Drink, dance, and be merry. And if you're looking for a fight- we aren't hiding from you. Love always- The DEY.

They self destruct in fifteen seconds once opened. No professor shall ever read their inscription. But it should be quite the party.

Love always,

Bella

April 12th,

Dear Diary.

The party, it would seem, was a great success.

We didn't clean up all of the ashes. We left just enough to remind us of the ruins. But removed enough to comfortably drink. We left at 8pm, the entirety of the DEY together, sitting in a circle on the stone floor, oblivious to the ashes our robes gathered and told stories of what we'd do once the Dark Lord ruled over the wizarding world, stories of adventure….

("And then I'll find the dragons banished to scandenavia," Mulciber grinned as he spoke, "And I'll coax them into domestication, working for the Dark Lord as his mighty bestial army!"

"That's nothing, I'm going to talk to the giants in the mountains, we'll give them a chance to raise those big bloody clubs and fight some humans!" Rosier piped in animatedly, his voice slurred with his impending intoxication "I'll ride on their backs across the countryside, bringing them to the Dark Lord. We'll fight side by side giants!"

"And Dragons!" Muliciber smiled wistfully, sipping his whiskey which he held in his right hand and his mulled Meade which he held in his left.

"And each other!" I added smiling, ignoring the eye rolls met by my sentimentality.

"No offense, but dragons and giants are cooler than you, Bells," Reggie teased.)

And stories of grandeur….

("Look, I don't know about you fools, but I'm going to live in a castle with thousands of rooms," Lucius beamed, "Forget the Malfoy manor, I'm going to live like a KING."

"I'm going to live like a king with my queen," Roddy kissed my cheek after a long gulp of fire whiskey, "We'll live in a castle as big as Hogwarts, we'll have blood traitors working with our house elves. And we'll live by the sea. It'll be beautiful. And Bella, I want sons. I want 7, enough sons to form their own quiddich team!"

"I'm not having 7 little Roddy's!" I laughed.

"Merlin, the world does not need 7 of you, mate," Lucius laughed.

"One is honestly far too many," Rosier snorted into his fire whiskey, earning chuckles from Dolohov and Severus.

"I'm going to have a pet dragon guarding my castle," Muliciber added dreamily, his eyes far away envisioning some sort of guard dragon friend. I laughed.)

and vengeance…..

"And then, when I feed Potter to the Acromantula-" Severus began with a wide smile on his sallow face.

"No, no, no, let's have a dragon eat him!" Mulicber persisted.

"I want to kill the berk myself," Rosier rubbed his wand affectionately.

"I want to kill Fabian myself, bring him back to life and then feed him to an Acromantula!" I burst out, smiling at the notion.

"Yes, let's do that to Potter too!" Severus concluded, nodding vigorously.

"And to Gideon!" Lucius added, snickering, "And let's make Fabian and Gideon watch their little sister get fed to Muliciber's dragon!"

"Cheers to that!" Mulciber cried out drunkenly as we all clanked our bottles and mugs of fire whiskey, mead, and butter beer together happily. A tribe of warriors in their last days of childhood toasting to the future they had been racing towards their whole life, and now, for just a night tried to slow down the dawning of adulthood. In the twilight of our adolescence, we toasted once more to the Death Eater Youth, and in that toast, we really meant a toast not to our group, but to our youth, to the price we paid to be warriors of the Dark Lord.

It was then that we heard oncoming footsteps. The Gryffindors- we knew without hesitating. Smiling we drew our wands and waited. They filed in seconds later, their own wands raised and lit, casting light over the shadowy meeting room that was lit only by an array of candles floating above us in the air that formed the shape of an "S" For Slytherin, of course.

"How kind of you to join us, losers," Rosier greeted them brightly as Reggie summoned more alcohol. He thrust firewhiskey into the hands of our visitors: Sirius, Potter, Pettigrew, Lupin, Gideon, Fabian, Justin Wood, Frank Longbottom, and Lily Evans.

"You all made it!" I giggled, "I'm so glad you received your invitations! Did they burn you at all when they self destructed?"

Pettigrew squeaked and hid his bandaged fingers behind his firewhiskey which he held rather shakily.

"Are we fighting, or not?" Sirius demanded impatiently, looking rather amusing with his wand gripped menazingly in one hand, and his firewhiskey clutched furiously in the other.

"Certainly not," Lucius snorted, "This is a party, not a battlefield. Sure the lines have been blurred between sanctuary and war ground lately, but we assure you, this is a party, naught a bit more. We invited you assuming you'd see us on your map and storm in on us anyway, thinking this to be a clandescent meeting."

" Also, we figured, what's a party without those gits that everybody hates? " Reggie added brightly, "And so here you are. Join the fun or go be spoil sports somewhere else."

No one did anything for a long moment and then Potter downed his firewhiskey silently, and again without a word, he held it out to Reggie who immediately refilled it.

"James- I mean Potter- put that glass down!" Lily shouted disgustedly.

"Are you going to drink that?" Sirius asked, pocketing his wand and reaching for her firewhiskey.

"Absolutely not!" She gasped, appalled and forced it abruptly into Sirius's hand and turned to leave, "You're all fucking stupid. Severus, I'd like a word with you tomorrow. Try not to be TOO hungover. And also, you might want to casually remember a minor detail- you all want to legitimately KILL one another. Now, enjoy your party."

With that, she slammed the door.

"Honestly, this is too weird for me too, mates," Justin, handed his full bottle of whiskey to Gideon who handed both bottles to Sirius, who happily accepted them. The two seventh years left with only a harsh glare, letting the door fall naturally behind their retreating figures.

"We should go," Lupin insisted in a whisper, though it was audible to the room as a whole.

"Wittle loony lupin is scared of alcohol and Slytherins?" I teased coldly, "Aren't you supposed to be a big bad Gryffindor Lion? Why are you afraid of a wee snake and a wee bit of whiskey?"

"I think I really dislike you, and pity you," He said, glancing down at me before turning back to James, Peter, Longbottom and Sirius, all of whom had seated themselves in their own circle beside ours. Fabian stood alone, frozen, watching in revulsion as we drank.

"Look Remus, we can either leave and let them enjoy their murderers-R-US meeting, or we can make them miserable by remaining right here, drinking their whiskey." Sirius explained, casually in between sips from his three bottles.

"Look, Sirius, how do you even know they didn't like, posion those bottles?" Lupin glanced over anxiously at our circle of DEY members.

"Oh please!" Reggie burst out, half amused and half exasperated, and grabbed one of Sirius's bottles, took a healthy swig and shoved it back into my cousin's surprised hands, "We're not trying to commit murder, we're trying to get drunk."

"What is the purpose of this?" Lupin frowned.

"To be young, for a night," I explained, feeling my growing intoxication warming my body in the cold stone chamber, "We're warriors everyday, but we decided to be teenage witches and wizards for just a night. And you can join us, or bugger off, but either way there's no foul play, no wands up our sleeves, just a moment of peace in the middle of a battlefield."

Lupin glanced towards the door, then his eyes flitted back to his friends, and his face sunk into a look of frustrated acceptance as he slumped onto the floor, ignoring the ashes on his cloak and grabbed the bottle from Sirius that Reggie had sipped from, and he too, with his pre-maturely lined face and graying blonde hair became nothing more or less than a 15 year old wizard with a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Fabian Prewett, you going to join the party or go be a worthless blood traitor elsewhere?" Roddy jeered as all eyes were suddenly directed to the one remaining standing figure in the midst of our celebration.

"Dear Godric, I can't begin to articulate how much I hate all of you, parading your sick twisted club, celebrating your… your… evilness-"

"Then leave, mudblood love," Severus said loudly, pointing his thin hand towards the awaiting wooden door opposite our circle.

"And give you the satisfaction?" He forced a laugh, "Never."

"Then just sit down, mate," Sirius urged, "I hate when someone is standing like that, it makes me anxious."

"Oh really?" Fabian glared down at him coolly, "That makes you anxious, but drinking in a dark dirty abandoned classroom with a group of your worst enemies and their finest firewhiskey makes you feel right at home?"

"I'm disowned mate, I have no home," Sirius grinned, his white teeth flashing in the low candle light, "Everywhere is home to me."

Fabian opened his bottle with his robe and, half-collapsed in defeat and resignation beside Lupin.

"Well, let's get this party started, what party games do we have this evening?" Sirius asked a mock serious voice, "Pin the tail on the dragon?"

"Musical cauldrons?" Potter offered brightly

"Kill your favorite DEY member?" Fabian sneered after downing his bottle.

"Don't be a kill joy, slimeball," Barty Jr. chuckled and handed him a second bottle, "Lighten up, it's a party."

"Never knew dementors partied," Sirius commented jovially, "But I suppose I am at this lovely school to get an education."

"Can't wait to tell mummy what I learned today," James chuckled.

"You going to tell your mum you learned something new too, Prewett?" I asked brightly, "Oh wait, that's right she's dead."

"He could write her a lovely letter and put it on her grave," Severus suggested with a snigger.

"You're so funny," Prewett said without amusement through gritted teeth.

"Let's just sing something," Lupin said uncomfortably.

"Sing?" Lucius choked on his firewhiskey while Severus simply burst into laughter.

"Yes, sing," Reggie nodded feverently, "We can't fight if we're singing,"

"But I want to fight," I pouted, glancing at him with a confused look pronounced on my disapproving features.

"Then let's fight while we sing," Sirius suggested, his face lighting up with intoxication and excitement, as he broke into a merry tune reminiscent of an Irish drinking song, "There once was a group of mean slytherins! They wanted to serve lord voldy-kins!"

"They think they rule Hogwarts because they have rich daddies," Potter chimed in, "But everyone knows they're useless, gits, and baddies!"

"At least unlike some people, we have family and money," Roddy burst out into the tune of their song after a long gulp of firewhiskey, "They're blood traitors, mudbloods, and when they die, it'll be funny!"

"And some people say slytherins aren't as cute as a bunny," Peter added awkwardly, "When clearly theyre sweet like sugar and honey!"

"Are you lot sure the fat one isn't a squib?" Reggie sang, happily, swaying back in forth with a bottle in each hand, "And he's less attractive than a dead house elf, I swear that's not a fib!"

"I can't wait to kill Bella, I hate her, she's a bitch," Fabian joined in, his voice loud and off key, "I'd like to add she's the worst piece of trash masquarding as a witch! And If I crucio her all night long, that would be much more fun than some stupid drunken song!"

"Okay, okay, this isn't a goddamn musical!" Lucius cut in, though we couldn't help but laugh, "This is the most immature, ridiculous-"

"I know, isn't it brilliant?" Roddy chuckled and put his arms around me tightly, "That being said, you so much as draw your feeble excuse for a wand around my Bella, I'll shove it up your-"

"I want to sing more!" Sirius cut Roddy off whining loudly, "I like singing when I drink."

"Thanks for the information," Severus drawled with a smirk, "I always wondered if you enjoyed a nice round of drunken singing, well I guess I can stop losing sleep over that pressing question."

"You're so annoying," Potter snorted, "You're so like blah blah I'm better than you because I never wash my hair and I'm friends with a bunch of lunatics who would like to murder you all in your sleep blah blah my name is snivellus, I'll out-evil you because I'm mates with voldy-"

"Do not mock the Dark Lord, you sniveling waste of a wand," I snapped, throwing an empty bottle at Potter's head, who ducked and laughed even as the bottle landed heavily and shattered in the corner.

"Play nice, Bellatrix, it's a party, not a battlefield," Potter scolded, snickering, "And as a hostess, you should be more cordial to your guests! And you could have cleaned this place a bit, no?"

"The ashes are left in memoriam of our former meeting place," I said curtly, finishing my third or forth firewhiskey, and wondering why the room was spinning ever so slightly, "These are the ruins of-"

"You take yourself extremely seriously for a 16 year old spoiled school girl witch," He cut me off, "Maybe if you just relaxed every now and again, you wouldn't feel the need to be a murderer?"

"She's insane, not amount of relaxation could re-wire that brain," Fabian spat, "And she has to take herself seriously, since no one else does-"

"And what do you mean by that?" I snapped, turning to glare him straight in his cold blood traitor eyes that glared back in all their worthless glory.

"Hold up, kiddies," Sirius called

"Wait a minute, kids" Reggie shouted at the same time.

The two brothers made eye contact and for a moment the room was silent.

"You're right, Remus, its too damn weird," Sirius stood suddenly, knocking one of his bottles over as he jumped to his wobbly legs, "Drinking with my ex-brother, and his gang of wanna-be murderers, well, the extent of the absurdity just sunk in."

Remus immediately got to his feet, Potter and Pettigrew following, while Fabian remained in his place on the dirty floor, merely glancing up at his Gryffindor associates, "I'm not leaving."

"You want to stay here alone?" Sirius frowned, "With _**them**_?"

"With THEM," Rosier mocked, "With future Death Eaters, that's why you said THEM like it was a curse."

"It is a bloody curse to be you lot," Sirius shrugged indifferently, "But its certainly NOT my problem, so have fun being out of your bloody minds, but I reckon-"

"It will be your problem when we dispose of you and everything you care about," Severus seethed.

"Okay, see its comments like that, Snivelly, that make us hate all of you," Potter had the nerve to actually laugh, "Face it, mateys, the rest of the school sees us as the heroes, and you as the twisted, frustrated villains. And we all know who wins…"

"You've got it backwards," Lucius said softly, dangerously, "We've been the heroes all along, and yes, it will be the heroes who are victorious."

"We aren't acting like kids anymore, we don't always have to be heroes, sometimes we can just be young witches and wizards and-"

"Reggie, we haven't been kids for a long time," Lucius interjected my younger cousin impatiently, "This is our life now."

"No," Sirius shook his head, a smile twisting on his handsome face in a very ugly fashion, "This is your death now."

And with that he left, flanked by James, Lupin, and fat Pettigrew, the door leaving only Fabian behind, the last Gryffindor in the room of the DEY.

"Don't think I'm going to leave so you can enjoy your celebration of your evil-doings or whatever the fuck you call your disgusting actions." Fabian's voice cut the air in the wake of the Gryffindors before we could speak.

"We call them 'achievements', you daft git," Roddy rolled his eyes at the last of the Order of the Pigeons insistently invading our party.

"You and I have very different definitions of-"

"Of everything, Prewett, don't even get me started," Roddy interrupted coldly, "Now, lets make some friendly bets. I bet Fabian Prewett will live ONE more year before he dies for being an insufferable toerag and opposing the great Dark Lord. Any other takers?"

"I give him two more years before he's eaten by Mulciber's guard dragon!" Barty Jr. chortled darkly while Fabian tensed from his seat outside our circle.

"You wont have the dragon trained for two years? Lame!" Amycus Carrow catcalled.

"I'm only 17, I think 19 is a good time frame!" Muliciber argued defensively.

"That's because you're a wimp," Avery taunted with a wink, "Ya shoulda been in Hufflepuff, mate."

"How about I just go up to a dragon and ask it to be friends?" Muliciber rolled his eyes, "Because that wouldn't be stupid or anything."

"That's what a Gryffindor would do," Lucius snorted.

"No, that's what a Hufflepuff would do," Roddy shook his head, "A Gryffindor would find a dragon and poke it repeatedly because it wouldn't approve of the dragons morals and values."

"Precisely, and then said Gryffindor would be dead by the power of the mighty dragon whom he disturbed," Severus sneered.

"You're disgusting, the lot of you," Fabian snapped.

"With a temper like that, my bet for his life expectancy has got to be no more than 6 months," Reggie smirked widely at the lone Gryffindor amongst the ashes, "And 5 months for his wee sister and big bad brother. He can watch 'em die."

"I have no idea why you're celebrating your youth," Fabian rose to his feet and drew his wand, "You were all born sick, revolting murderers, pathetic excuses for wizardry and witchcraft and the world will be a far better place once you died at the feet of the Order of the Phoenix. I don't know why you pretend to be anything but fucking lunatics for an evening. Drink all you want, drunk or sober you're still a lot of useless Slytherins. And yes, I'm saying Slytherin like an insult, because it is."

"I'm actually a Hufflepuff, mate," Barty Jr. called out, laughing, "And go ahead and use that wand, because we'd love an excuse to duel you 15 to 1. Or are you not brave enough, oh strong lion?"

"You all have big fucking mouths, maybe I should teach you how to shut up!" He roared and silenced Barty Jr. aggressively.

Sighing, I flicked my own wand, at the same time as everyone else and he was thrown against the wall from the out pour of jinxes, stunned and sprouting tentacles.

We threw him into the hallway and made our way back to the common room singing drinking songs of the great Salazar. And maybe we ended the nights as either heroes or villains, but we began it as children.

And with this, I say goodbye to the life I've always known, because after this Easter vacation, a battle would ensue and not everyone will be walking free. There will be blood.

So I'll pack and go home with my baby sister, and my parents and I'll smile and act like a 16 year old witch, studying hard for her NEWTS, and loving the great Salazar and Merlin, when in my heart I'll know I'm so, so much more. And soon I'll be with the Dark Lord, and soon I'll prove myself, and soon I'll reach those stars we're mapping out in the DEY.

Soon.

Love always,

Bella

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Next chapter= battle : )

Now, I apologize for my own absence and I would like to explain this by saying that university is very busy lol and I had midterms and parties and blah blah blah I know, I suck =]

But it was your reviews that motivated me NOT to give up on the story and to finish what I started. Thank you so much, you're the reason I'm still writing : ) so please please keep reviewing and I promise to keep writing, knowing someone is reading means so much to me.

Thank you all! Now I'm on spring break so I should update soon!!


	31. The New Era

"Maybe I'm as evil as I seem. Or maybe you only look out the window when it's scenic"- atmosphere

April 14th,

Dear Diary,

Happy Easter! I recognize the Holiday celebrates rebirth, and is symbolically placed in the revival of nature, the heart of the springtime. But I see no rebirth, I see no beginning, I see an ending of whatever remnants of innocence I've been clinging to. So with this new season, new birth, I bid farewell to my past. Perhaps, since this is the ending of my childhood, it is the commencement of my adulthood… and perhaps this is a rebirth after all. I am born again.

Thus, it is with a light heart and a determined spirit that I celebrate this holiday with all the cheer of my youth and all the hope of my adulthood.

Our whole family and friends of the family arrive for the feast. We dress up in white floral dress robes, embellished with silk and gems, looking like the living flowers amongst the rainy spring day. I am given heartfelt or polite rounds of congratulations on my engagement and Cissy and I are blessed with dozens of accolades on our beauty that have little significance beyond the shallow smile they arise as they fall on my half deaf ears and uninterested heart.

Because I know I am beautiful, compliments mean so little. I crave praise beyond the skin that covers my magical blood. I crave the praise of my Lord, for my power, my ambition, my talent, I crave praise for the causes I give my life, and my name to.

But I digress,

Reggie and I spent much of the day help up in my room, going over, under, and all around the plans we've carved in the DEY for the approaching battle. Though neither of us could recall the many unimportant details, it was the big picture, the meaning, the essence of it all we went over, the glorious approaching victory.

It was only inevitable my little sister would notice Reggie and I huddled in a corner launched into detailed discussion.

It was only inevitable she would inquire aggressively about that which she needn't, no- couldn't know as an outsider to the DEY, and in my eyes a child.

In my eyes, the last sister I had. In my eyes, my only female companion, the only girl I trusted. One of the few people I truly loved. So it was heart breaking to confess the depth of our plans, the extent of our ideology. How could I tell my small sister I was involved in a plot to murder our cousin? Our blood traitor, sickening squib of a cousin, yes. But a cousin regardless, a boy we'd know since innocence.

But she was relentless, and in love, honesty is the water that keeps the feelings afloat. And thus I bent low, our gray eyes meeting, each firmly determined, and softly understanding.

"Dumbledore once said 'promise me life and I'll confess the truth," I whispered, licking my lips anxiously as I continued, "It's some quote, but it stuck in my head, like a melody you can't block out. Like a name you can't remember. Like a vision that won't fade. So I ask you- do you promise me life?"

"I do. Now, about confessing this truth…"

"The truth…"

"Yes," she pressed, her pale pretty façade set in a stubborn gaze, "Tell me what you're doing, what you're planning. I know it can't be good."

"I wouldn't call it bad," I shrugged uncomfortably while Reggie scoffed beside me. We were standing in the corner of the ballroom while the family rejoiced in mulled mead and butter beer, and we rejoiced in the inevitable victory of the DEY and in turn, the Dark Lord.

"If you can't even assure me that its positive, I know its going to be awful," an exasperated smile crossed her delicate face, "But I assumed this much already from your dark expressions and location of the dark corner for this clearly dark conversation that probably entails clearly dark plans. I promise you life. Now speak to me, sister, for it is what keeps us together."

"We're planning a battle." I breathed reluctantly, "Once school reconvenes. A battle to assert ourselves and all we stand for-"

"Battle?" Cissy narrowed her fair eye brows skeptically, "We're children. We do not 'battle', Bella."

"Incorrect," I snapped a bit too harshly, "YOU'RE a child. I am a woman. And we have not battled thus far. But we do battle. We will battle."

"You're 16, you're not even of age, and you have no idea what a real battle is anything like-"

"Cissy," Reggie's voice was calm and soothing, "Have a little faith."

"Faith in violence?"

"Faith in ambition," I correct her grumpily.

"There's more," Reggie pressed on, disregarding us both, "You know Sirius?"

"Our disowned cousin who has been in my life since I was, oh you know, just born?" She said coolly, crossing her arms across the chest of her white Easter dress robes

"The blood traitoring Gryffindor scum-"

"yes, that's the one, girls, that's the guy," Reggie cut us off briskly, "During the course of the fore mentioned battle sequence, our intent is to dispose of him…"

"Dispose…" Cissy's eyes widened dramatically, "But-"

"Don't speak," I interrupted immediately, "You have promised me life."

"I have not promised you silence!" She said softly, looking anxiously around the room of cheerful relatives, and their cheerful conversations free of murder and betrayal "This is all in the name of love?"

"Love and glory," I said nodding somberly.

"Glory and love," Reggie mumbled.

"Whatever the order, that's the ideal, and whatever the price-"

"The price IS love and glory!" Cissy seethed, "Our family name, that glory, the love of-"

"No, you don't understand," I shot back, running my fingers through my long dark hair in exasperation, "Reggie and I aren't the killers, its Lucius, it will be his hand and his wand, and we do not love Sirius anymore. The Sirius we loved died ages ago. The shell of his body houses no love of ours."

"You do not understand morals and virtues and loyalty-"

"No, Cissy," I said, gazing at her indignant face sadly, "It is you, you and Andy, you and Sirius, it is the weak who do not understand! Praise the Dark Lord, praise the good he does, and you'll see that morals and virtues and loyalty, well those are the things that guide us, that illuminate the darkest rooms that house the darkest magic."

"I don't… it doesn't… I can't…" Cissy sighed and collapased on the nearest chair by the doorway, several feet from Reggie and I.

"I love you," I said calmly, watching her chest rise and fall with her sporadic nervous breathing.

"I l-love you t-too," She stuttered,

"Give me life," I whispered anxiously, watching the anxiety and pain cross over her pale eyes darkly.

"I shall," She sighed almost inaudibly from her chair where her small body was shaking slightly, "For you gave me truth."

"Happy Easter," Reggie scoffed, "Its not all about roasted ham and painted eggs this year."

"Yeah, replace that with some roasted Sirius and painted war faces," I sighed, "But yes, Happy Easter."

And it was a fairly happy Holiday. It was alive with the hope of tomorrow and floating on the contentment of today. But my heart beats not for the moments in my family's ball room, but for the upcoming moments on the battle field, righting for everything. Fighting for ourselves and our Lord. I cannot sleep for my heart pounds in my chest to the tune of war drums and my eyes refuse to stay closed, though the darkness of the night and the darkness of shut eyes looks the same, I cannot refrain myself from staring into the blackness of my bed chamber as the seconds, minutes and hours before our return to Hogwarts fall away like the early spring rain showers.

In less than a week I shall sleep soundly once more. For on Saturday the quiddich finale takes place. And my life as an adult commences under baby blue skies among an act of war against blood traitors and mudbloods. Phoenixes rise from the ashes. I suppose they must have been born in a blood bath as well. If I could be animangus, I'd turn into a Phoenix. A tall, beautiful, Phoenix.

Love always,

Bella

April 20th.

If you were wondering- Ravenclaw won the quiddich finale. But that wasn't the true contest of today, was it? That is not the relevant victory, is it? No, no not at all.

The day was uncharacteristically warm for spring, sweat glistened on the brows of the audience as the match began and the quaffle was released to the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw overzealous chasers. I could hardly focus on the game, my eyes wandered around the stands, eyeing with amusement the boisterous Gryffindor fans, standing with their arms flailing making their own suggestions and calls to players who were far out of ear shot. They donned their Gryffindor sweaters and scarves, the perfect battle wear for the events to follow the quiddich cup. They wore smiles or wistful expression of hope, their thoughts tied up on quiddich and homework and friends, family, perhaps their remaining Easter chocolate, and I pitied them for that. My thoughts were preoccupied with glory and love and victory, how simple and worthless their lives must be. How do they live without meaning? How do they not fight for a cause, a belief, something to change the world? How are they content with transfiguration essays and little cottages outside London? I want so much more.

I could see my own thoughts mirrored in the expressions of the members of the DEY. Roddy was so disconnected from the game and battle-focused he accidentally clapped when Gryffindor scored their first goal, much to the amusement of Severus and Rosier. Though Severus himself was barely paying attention. I noticed he kept fingering the wand in his pocket and anxiously glancing at the crowd of cheering enemies in their red and gold paraphernalia below us. Lucius looked as though he was on another planet, another plane, but so far removed from the spring morning that he was wearing a winter pea coat and shining in sweat without the slightest sign he was in any sort of discomfort. His handsome face was set in a rigid and fixed expression, an expression that couldn't be changed to sadness by news of a sudden death, and couldn't be transformed into a smile by all the Mudblood and Hufflepuff jokes in the Wizarding World.

It was such a somber occasion and so exciting all at once that I didn't know what to feel, or how to speak at all. I sat, frozen in an excited and serious state of paralysis as the game wore on into the afternoon. Time was passing slowly and quickly all at once and I wasn't sure which I preferred. I wanted so badly to catch my breath which was falling short merely from sitting and thinking, but I couldn't, the oxygen escaped my barely parted lips and suddenly the final buzzer sounded and I nearly fell off my seat as my heart seemed to explode from my chest as I realized the moment we had been planning and awaiting had finally dawned. It was hot, hot as early summer, yet I shivered in my Slytherin sweater. I stood, as the rest of the crowd stood to cheer and clap, or boo and hiss. I did nothing but stand rigidly beside Lucius and Roddy and soon the cheers and boos died out as Dumbledore rushed to the field, gathering the teachers and ordering the prefects to lead the students back to their dorms. It had begun. The teachers dashed away, towards Hogsmeade before the prefects had even began to organize their ranks.

It had commenced.

As we clamored down through the stands, Lucius pushing his way so viciously through the crowd that he sent several second year Ravenclaws, jubilant with their quddich victory, over one of the railings and sprawling onto a lower rower of stands. The rest of the DEY followed him in anxious pursuit. It wasn't long, or maybe it was several minutes, before we reached the grassy quiddich pitch under the brilliant blue sky and Sirius, Potter, and the Prewetts approached us, their eyes glowing darkly.

"What happened to the teachers?"Potter demanded furiously, in a voice that carried over the anxious crowds that had yet to assemble with their respective Prefects in the chaos of the entirety of school scrambling, professorless, in the confusing wake of the quiddich cup.

"We know this has something to do with Voldemort, and you and you're little Voldemort worshiping cult," Gideon continued.

"You DARE speak his na-"

"Patience, Bella," Lucius gently rested his cold hand on my shoulder and I bit my tongue.

"You think we don't know that whenever something massively fucked up happens, it comes straight from your mates the Death Eaters?" Sirius jumped in, walking forward until he was so close his breath could be felt on our faces, and the heat in the hair could not warm the chill of his voice, "You sickos and your weird meetings in dirty dungeons think you can rule the school, or the world probably in your psychotic little minds, but we see you for what you are, trouble making gits with a hard-on for pure blood mania, which NO ONE but YOU LOT give a floberworm's ass for anyway. So just tell us, what have you and your boss Moldy-Voldy gone and done to minorly inconvenience us this time?"

"Big words from a little bitch," Lucius actually smiled, the first smile to form upon his cold hardened pale façade since the night of the party, as he drew his wand, "If you must know, all of you can listen now, there are Dementors in Hogsmeade, headed for Hogwarts."

"Courtesy of the Death Eaters, I assume," Gideon growled furiously, only inches behind Sirius as he stepped forward.

"Accusations, accusations, and not a shred of proof," Lucius smirked, "Now, whomever the culprit for this convenient assault of Dementors, I am opportunistic. So allow me to take advantage of the lack of authority, you blood traitor-ing pieces of scum, and show you that our "little group" is more than that. We are warriors, we are power."

"Oh please-"Potter laughed but it was interrupted instantly as a cut sliced through his chest with a flick of Severus' wand. And the first curse fired was immediately followed by dozens.

Fabian shot Severus with some sort of dancing curse, Gideon as hit by Roddy with the quaffle which he summoned to slam the blood traitor in his blood traitor-ing face. Potter struck Reggie, from the ground where he stained the grass red from his laceration, with a curse that sent him flying into a goal post and I stood rooted on the spot, as though I'd be stunned or paralyzed.

I stepped back from the first series of attacks, literally walking backwards until I stumbled into the girl behind me, who I realized with a jolt of distaste was Andy.

"Having fun?" She sneered, watching the DEY and the outpour of Gryffindor's most reckless boys clash in the middle of the quiddich pitch.

"Cauldrons full of fun," I replied coldly, untangling myself from her and her furious expression as she glared down at me, from her slightly elevated height, Aren't you enjoying the show? Its entitled, 'Death of the Gryffindors'. Catchy, eh?"

"This is messed up, seriously and irrevocably messed up, even for you, Bella," She sounded nearly hysterical, her voice breaking in its emotion, "You've taken our beautiful world and twisted it, twisted it into something ugly, ugly and twisted! How could you? You already have everything! You have money, intelligence, love, marriage, fortunes, futures, and friends! What more could you want? What is wrong with you, you bloody lunatic?"

"The world, you see," I hissed to Andy harshly in the midst of the chaos, "Is only as twisted as you make it."

"Well in that case, your world hasn't been a straight line since you learned your first words, and you're dragging everyone else through all the twists and turns with you," She retorted coldly, turning towards the battle before us, "What are you waiting for? Go for it, you wouldn't want to ruin your reputation by staying on the sidelines beside your disowned blood traitor whore sister, would you?"

"Oh Andy," I chuckled, "The fight doesn't begin until I join in."

And with that I raced towards the fray, my hair and robes flying behind me as I entered with a stunning curse straight to Lupin's chest and blocked a fiery orange jolt of light sent towards me with love from Fabian. The battle was on.

But the focus was in the middle of the circle that had formed around the fights, and the center of that circle housed Sirius and Lucius engaged in a blood thirsty duel which blinded the on looks with a slew of bright jets of light emanating from the wand of each opponent who looked as though they weren't just fighting for honor, but for life and death. Neither fighter looked like a student, but both like the embodiment of their cause, Sirius looking wise and strong beyond his few years, his face proud and defiant while Lusius's gray eyes flashed viciously with every curse he cast. He was agile and calculated and entirely cold, whereas Sirius seemed to radiate passion. The already warm day was made uncomfortably hot with the sparks and beams of light crossing the quiddich pitch every few seconds from all angles.

It only took a second for me to realized something had changed between Lucius and Sirius. Only a second fell away before I saw Lucius slow down, in smallest fraction of speed, he slowed and suddenly showed a sign of anxiety, and unresolved. He hit Sirius with a stunning spell in this instant, and Sirius, off balance from Lucius's change in agility, fell down, hard against the grass.

"Finish it!" Rosier called after a second.

Lucius merely walked above Sirius and spat on his face, before turning away and cursing Gideon upside down in the air before dropping him back down, hard and quick, several feet in the heated air. I was so stunned by Lucius's lack of nerve, lack of loyalty, lack of love, I allowed my guard to fall, only for a mere second, and be hit, abruptly with a bludger bewitched to collide mercilessly with the side of my head by none other than Fabian Prewett. I stumbled before meeting his hardened eyes that overflowed with loathing as they locked with my own.

"Fuck you," I smiled at him and flicked my wand casually, with an air of grace and sophistication that stalled him for the tiniest fragment of a second, preventing him from blocking the jet of yellow light that collided with his tall frame, turning his robes into a dress, his hair into long blonde curls and his shoes into dangerously high heels. The look was complete with generously applied red lipstick and candy apple blush. The crowd laughed, all eyes now on the pair of us who had unknowingly claimed the center of the circle.

"How's your pride, Prewett?"I sneered loudly so the entire school assembled on the pitch could hear my taunting words of disdain, "Does it hurt?"

"Not as much as you're about to," His eyes flashed, and the field fell immediately silent, "Any last words?"

"Seriously?" I dropped my wand to the ground, grinning, as it rolled away, hitting the side of Roddy's shoe as he leaned over to pick it up, gazing up at me in confusion, his eyes squinting in the sun, and my heart skipped a beat as my love for him and my cause overwhelmed any semblance of reason I might have once possessed, and I felt that a play of passion was in order to restore the integrity of the battle that Lucius had destroyed, "Kill me, Prewett, as if you had the talents or the spine. But here's your chance, murder now or forever hold your peace. Or rather, hold your war."

His eyes looked dangerous as they narrowed in heavy suspicion and bright sunlight, but he raised his wand cautiously, and then as though a reckless spirit took hold of home he swung it, his voice screaming a frantic "AVADA-"

And just as the first half of the hex escaped his cruel lips Justin Wood, and Gideon toppled him to the ground, screaming things that sounded like "Azkaban for life!" and "Murder, really, Fabian?" and there was a breathless moment where the pitch was silent except for these frustrated words of reprimand until Severus burst into an insane sort of laughter.

"You were almost murdered by a Gryffindor?" He walked towards me, extending his sallow skeletal hand and pulled me into an uncomfortable embrace, "I believe Bellatrix Black has shown you all how 'Noble' these Gryffindors really are. And I believe all of the Slytherins have displayed our own sort of power here today. This is OUR school from this day forward."

"From here on out," Roddy continued, a wild grin on his handsome face as he advanced towards Severus and I, joining our awkward hug jovially, "From this day forth, Hogwarts is ours! We are the Death Eater Youth and all who undermine us, or oppose us will receive the same fate as the twisted, ignoble, and weak Gryffindors have displayed today! You will be humiliated, hurt, and otherwise shown for your ugly, ugly, true colors if you do not support us and our cause! And as for this chaos here, dear Prefects if you dare breathe a word, of our misdeeds, or the Gryffindor's un-Gryffindor like conduct, you will pay, you will suffer. I can assure you, after all you have seen here today any word to our dear esteemed professors may very well be last word your treacherous lips shall say. Thus we began a new era, the era of the Death Eater Youth."

"We appreciate your audience and I'm sure, we graciously accept the unwavering support of every intelligent student onlooker today. Let it be known," Lucius had strode forward into the now abandoned circle center, his voice booming with authority and pride, "The Slytherins have defeated the Gryffindors, and earned your respect! You will now, bow. Or pay the price."

Most of the pitched bent their heads forward, looks of fear and confusion were plainly eteched upon their darty eyes that glanced around at their neighbors and friends, foes and acquaintances, too see their slight bows mirrored. The older Gryffindors, Potter, Gideon, Evans, Justin, and Fabian prominent among them remained up right, tall, and arrogant.

"Ah, allow us to remind you, in case the events of the past few minutes are already forgotten in your weak and traitorous minds, that you WILL bow to us," Lucius sneered and with a flick of his wand their heads fell unceremoniously forward, and a wave of laughter at the broken spirt of the Gryffindor's Order of the Pigeons began with Severus but carried nervously and sporadically throughout the crowd.

We had won.

And though Sirius was still breathing, unconscious on the pitch, we took great care to step on his face as we marched back to the castle, the rest of the school following, prefects speechless as they made no attempt to round up their housemates, but rather walked so quickly they nearly jogged back into the sanctuary of the castle halls, away from the scene of violence we left behind us in the trampled and bloodied quiddich field.

I was walking in the front of the victory march towards the front doors with Lucius, who looked less than triumphant and more anxious in the wake of his failure, and Roddy who was beaming with glory pronounced on his smiling lips and bright eyes.

Severus, Rosier, and Dolohov flanked Lucius to the left and Amcyus, Alecto, and Nott flanked Roddy and behind us proudly strode the rest of the DEY. It was therefore, altogether surprising how Fabian had made it all the way behind me, pushing his way passed the DEY members distracted by the victorious battle, and grabbed me by the back of my robes.

I stumbled but regained my balance almost instantly as I came to an aggravated halt before him. He was returned to his usual black robes and make up free, but though his feet were not sporting the heels I had so thoughtfully provided him with, his school shoes were missing too, as he stood tall and barefoot, his cheeks flushed as he tried to catch his breath.

"This is not over," He panted, his voice loud enough for the rest of the day to comprehend clearly as his confident tone rang out over the grounds, "This has hardly begun. We are children now, just wait until this summer when we turn 17, just wait Bellatrix Black, until this pre-war mayhem subsides and the battle actually begins."

"The battle has both commenced and completed, and the outcome is non-negotiable, Ms. Fabian Prewett, and we were the victors. I was the Victor, And you, well, YOU, madam, were the loser. Don't be a sore loser, take it like a man, or a woman, rather-"

He grabbed my chin and pulled my face less than a centimeter from his own, "Wait until summer, you maniacal witch, wait until summer."

"I'll cross off the days on my calendar until you present me with yet ANOTHER opportunity to take you down-"

"I have a plan," He said softly, dangerously, "I have a wonderful, horrible plan just for you."

"What is it then?" I laughed in his face that was contorted with rage, "You going to steal my diary? Remove my robes? Tell mummy and daddy on me? Oh that's right, you don't have a mummy and daddy because they're dead, dead, dead!"

"You'll see," He released my chin and shoved me backwards, into Roddy's strong waiting arms, "You'll all bloody see! And then this little chaos you created here will be a joke shop prank in comparison! This wasn't the victory of a war, it was the declaration of a war!"

"The war has been happening with or without your acknowledgement, both in Hogwarts and outside these walls-"

"I am aware, Lucius," Fabian hissed as Gideon and Justin arrived, panting slightly on either side of the livid blood traitor, "But this is OUR war-"

"You grow boring," Lucius yawned widely as we all turned around, my long hair whipping Fabian in his enraged façade, "Good day, M'am."

"Bella," Fabian called out and though I did not turn around, I slowed my hurried pace slightly, my ears perking at the nickname he had no place using.

"Hmm?" I responded coldly, my eyes intently forward on the wide castle doors, open and beckoning to me, "What, Miss Fabian?"

"What comes around, goes around!" He shouted, his voice shaking with his anger as though each syllable was exploding from the force of his exerted rage.

"Does it now?" I smirked, reluctantly turning to meet his passionately cold gaze, "Then I suppose some pathetic lunatic will be shouting meaningless though intentionally threatening clichés at you soon!"

And with that we hustled forward, our victory lingering over the school and shining around us, some sort of golden glow of glory. It was invisible, but everyone could see it, and feel it.

The common room was a place of much firewhiskey and talk of the future, talk of how the school was ours, ours for the taking, ours the controlling, and soon the rest of the world would be as well. Soon there would be no star out of reach, and so we toasted throughout the afternoon and well into the evening,

"A toast to today, tomorrow, and the years to come!" Reggie raised his glass around 3pm and the DEY and much of the confused Slytherin population gathered around the fireplaces and cushioned couches and chairs joined it, the sound of glassing chiming together filling the air like church bells.

"A toast to the undeniable power of Slytherin! And Dragons!" Mulciber cried around 5:45pm and with a laugh or two, our mugs and glasses of firewhiskey collided in celebration again.

"A toast to unconscious Sirius, a bleeding Potter, a female Fabian Prewett, and a bunch of pissed off Gryffindors bowing to us!" Severus hiccupped around 8:06. We had forsaken dinner for drinks and the amount we'd been consuming was beginning to catch up to us as we swayed for a third toast.

The party wore on with applause and reenactments and joyous songs of victory and prestige until the early hours of the morning. It was 1:26 when the final toast was made by Lucius. It was only the drunken, wobbling, slurring members of the day remaining in the underground green glow of the common room, when Lucius held his nearly empty bottle of firewhiskey high in his hand and called out, "TO THE DARK LORD!"

We chanted "TO THE DARK LORD!" and took a long, burning, beautiful sip of what remained of our drinks and dignity.

Hello victory, it was wonderful to make your acquaintance again. Please bless us with your presence as our war and journey moves forward.

Love,

The DEY & Bella.

Oh diary, it is morning now nearly 3am and I have downed a sobering drought that Severus was kind enough to hand out, and my head is spinning, not with liquor but with the day's events. I know not what comes next, but I know I go with the blessing of the Dark Lord, and thus I plunge into darkness with the brightest eyes and the brightest heart.

This was not the end of our war against the Order of the Pigeons, but the beginning of our reign of Hogwarts… and the beginning of our war against the Order of the Phoenix.

If I sleep, I pray I dream of the Dark Lord and of the bright days to come. But I doubt sleep will grace me with its presence tonight, my heart is beating far too fast and my thoughts keep coming in waves, daydreams of the next few years, daydreams of tomorrow, each one more exciting than the next.

Love always,

Bella.

AUTHORS NOTE:

I am so so sos so soooo sorry that took so long! But I am on summer break and will update VERY regularly so if you have no abandoned me, then bless your heart lol & please please review, itll motivate me and make me so happy :=]

Hope you enjoyed & look forward to the next chapter!


	32. The Order of the Pigeons Strikes Back

April, 23rd,

Dear Diary,

In the wake of the mostly successful battle, the school seemed to have quietly recognized our power. It was a first year Gryffindor at breakfast the next day who awkwardly bowed to us upon exiting the Great Hall. Rosier raised his wand as the child scurried away, but it was Severus who grabbed his arm, lowering it forcefully.

"We want to reward good behavior, Rosier," He sighed, exasperated, "Not punish it."

"I was going to punish him for being a Gryffindor git, not for bowing," Rosier laughed, "But as you like it, Sev."

It was in the halls Monday, today, where a fourth year Hufflepuff girl tripped over herself and her friend to make way for Roddy and I as we passed on our way to transfiguration. Her ink bottle broke as she hit the ground.

"Hey, Hufflepuff, what's your blood status?" I asked as she nervously glanced up at me from the stone floor.

"Half-blood," She said anxiously, her eyes wide with fear.

I smirked and flicked my wand. Half of the ink bottle repaired itself and half of the ink on the stone was cleaned, leaving half of the stone floor pure again.

"T-thank you," She stuttered as I gave her a half-smile and carried on, while Roddy chuckled beside me, squeezing my hand with affection.

It was in the library after dinner where Severus, Roddy, Lucius and I had found a secluded table near the restriction table to make ourselves comfortable and commence our pile of end-of-year essays which threatened our ability to have a good-night's sleep until July, when group of second year Ravenclaws approached us, baring chocolate frogs.

"In case you get hungry, but don't let Madame Pinch see, chocolate in the library is worse than crucio in the library if you ask that old bag," One of the Ravenclaws whispered as they hurried away.

"Ah, the fruits of our labor," Lucius smiled, discretely unwrapping a chocolate frog and discarding the wrapped into Severus's book bag.

"Do you mind not using my book bag as a trash can?" Severus said coolly, "Besides, you're acting awfully please with yourself for someone, the only one, who failed Saturday."

"I told you, we will discuss my inability to complete my mission at tomorrow's meeting," Lucius hissed, his eyes darkening, "In the meantime, it will not be brought up."

"Yeah, because you know you're fucked," Severus mumbled under his breath. Lucius pretended not to hear and carried on with his chocolate and potions essay, though I couldn't help but notice he appeared to be pressing his quill extremely hard down on the parchment, as though it had personally wronged him in some way.

Severus, on the other hand, had a smug glint in his black eyes as his own quill raced comfortably along his charms parchment.

I could barely focus on my own essays, I was so preoccupied with thoughts of Lucius's failure, and my own success, and the future of the DEY, and too excited wondering what the summer would bring. My head and heart were in such a flurry, by the time midnight rolled around I had barely finished my first essay on human transfiguration and wasn't entirely sure anything I had written made sense.

Tomorrow, I hope, will explain what happens next. What happens in the aftermath of our success and Lucius's failure, what happens in the DEY now, where do we go from here? Where does one climb from the top? Do we jump off the peak and learn to fly now? Do we remain at our pinnacle and defend our victory? Or do we strive for the very stars themselves?

You can see why, with all these ideas and concerns and hopes, I was unable to focus entirely on transfiguring myself into an apple.

Now I will try and find sleep in these early hours of morning so I can be well rested for class, and more importantly for the DEY meeting, held tomorrow evening. I couldn't be more excited. How does anyone focus on the present when the future holds such promise?

Love always,  
Bella

April 24th,

Dear Diary,

The meeting, as it would seem, was more eventful than even I, in my infinite daydreaming, could have foreseen.

We gathered after a beautiful spring day had darkened into a beautiful spring evening, in the cold green glow of the Slytherin common room once the rest of the house had strolled off to bed, with sweet dreams of cauldron cakes and 12 OWLS, while we dealt with matters of life, death, love, hate, war, & peace.

The group was boisterous tonight before Lucius called us all to order, which was to be expected with our new found infamy.

"And a third year Gryffindor let me cut him in line to the bathroom, he looked at me like I was about to hex him into next week!" Rosier chortled

"That's nothing!" Mulciber chortled, "Marvin Creevey, that toerag who worships Potter and Sirius, I think he's a fifth year Gryffindor, actually jumped about ten feet when he saw me walking with Crabbe, Goyle, and Amycus across the ground to Herbology, threw three galleons at us, and ran away like we were dementors!"

"A first year Hufflepuff gave me a box of firewhiskey filled chocolates on my way to lunch, and she looked like she was about to faint when I thanked her," Reggie snickered, "I gave the frightened thing a little pat on her curly blonde head once she assured me she was a pureblood."

"Yes, it has been a good couple of days," Lucius chimed in and the room fell silent, not out of respect as would normally be the case, but our of anger.

"Can we bring up your disgrace yet?" Rosier sneered, "Or do we need to wait more?"

"Two days is bloody long enough, we're discussing it now," Reggie looked gravely at Lucius who stood before everyone, looking anxious and pale, "What do you have to say for yourself, oh great failure?"

"Do not speak to me that way- I am your prefect, and your president-"

"And a bloody coward!" Roddy called, his eyes cold, "You almost ruined everything! Why didn't you do it, Lucius? Why is Sirius alive? You had the opportunity! You had him unconscious at your big feet! Before the entire school!"

"The battle was successful, nonetheless,-"

"That wasn't what he asked you, Malfoy," Nott said, rolling his dark eyes, "Why did you fail us? Why were you so cowardly?"

"THIS IS MY LIFE!" Lucius shouted, slamming his fist against the stone wall, "I WOULD HAVE BEEN EXPELLED, PUT INTO AZKABAN-"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE WILLING ACCEPTED FOR YOUR FATE TO SERVE THE DARK LORD!" I screamed back at him, "That is our duty! That is our calling! That is our life now!"

"He understands, he understands!" Lucius waved it away, "He is merciful and forgiving and knows I will be of no use to him in jail and of much use with him once I graduate and establish myself a respectable Malfoy in society!"

"Well, you still failed us, you nearly ruined our mission, you have committed treason!" Avery objected, challengingly.

"You almost cost us everything!" Rosier snapped, "You almost wasted the entire oppertinity the battle presented us with! All of this respect we now have? You almost cost us that! You're cowardly, and worthless, and traitorous and selfish, Malfoy, you nearly ruined it all! And why? Because pretty boy Lucius isn't fit for Azkaban! And wants a pretty little diploma on the walls of his bloody mansion!"

"This is bigger than you are, Rosier!" Lucius shouted furiously, "Bigger than you, Avery! Bigger than you, Lestrange!"

"To be fair, it's probably not bigger than Crabbe and Goyle," Roddy snickered, and I couldn't help but smile despite the somber ambiance looming over the common room.

"This isn't a joke," Lucius snapped, slamming his fist against the table beside the couch where he sat before the group, sending dust swirling into the air, "It is our LIVES!"

"We're aware of that, we aren't Hufflepuffs, no offense to Barty," Roddy combated, standing to face Lucius, "So stop treating us like we're first year Hufflepuff Mudbloods, and learn to respect us, because let's acknowledge the obvious: without us you have an empty common room and a cauldron full of pipe dreams. But with us, you have an army, an ingenious organization, and resources to put all the plans and ambitions of the Dark Lord into effect right under the crooked nose of Albus Muggle-Lover Dumbledore!"

"Roddy would make a better president than Lucius, if you ask me," Rosier piped up, glaring coolly towards Lucius who was breathing erratically, his cheeks flushed with anger as he and Roddy stared each other down, standing before the group, the tension practically tangible. I couldn't resist a smile at the excitement of the evening. I couldn't resist a smile at Lucius's expense.

"Seconded, for the sweet love of Salazar, seconded!" Reggie sighed, clapping his hands together, invigorated by the unfolding chain of events that would lead to the end of Lucius Malfoy's reign in the DEY, "All in favor of replacing King Lucius?"

"What the bloody hell is this?" Lucius snapped, turning away from Roddy so quickly that his chair slammed to the floor, echoing in the heavy silence that followed his outburst.

"A coup d'état?" I offered, giggling, "A mutiny? An uprising?"

"Sometimes, Bella," Lucius breathed, seemingly unaware the entire room was glowering at him in intense exasperation, "I really hate you."

"Only sometimes?" I smirked up at his livid expression, "I must be doing my job very poorly then! Now I believe we were calling a vote to King Lucius whose crown is being threatened. All in favor of Roddy to replace Lucius as the president of the DEY, say aye!"

The room was full of resounding "Aye!"s.

Lucius, glaring at us all, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing, stormed up to Roddy and gritted his teeth, "Take the front of the group, president,"

"Thanks, Lucius old boy,""Roddy smiled brightly and claimed the spot beside me where Lucius had been sitting since the DEY's commencement, "I would like to thank you for your support and tell you how grateful I am to be your dear new president!"

"yeah, yeah, Rod," Rosier cried out dismissively, "What's the next plan? What now?"

Lucius smiled, "It's not all fun and games up there, mate, you have to lead us to greatness."

"I am well aware of my responsibilities, thank you," Roddy smirked, "Now as for our next plan… Well, I think we need to prepare for the summer. That mean's practicing the Dark Arts. So, everyone grab a partner and practice the Imperious curse. We will be soilders, and we will be victorious so long as we call ourselves servants of the Dark Lord!"

His proclamation was met with cheers and the practice began, mumbles of ïmperio"echoed across the stone walls.

"Partner?" Roddy turned to me beaming.

"Certainly, my president," I returned his smile happily and retrieved my wand from my pocket, "I'm proud of you, Roddy. You'll be a wonderful president."

" I know," He winked and raised his own wand, and the practice began,

As we walked back to the dorms, up the stairs an hour or so later, Lucius approached Roddy and I, looking rather defeated as he extended his hand towards his replacement president, "Rod, no hard feelings? I was going to appoint you to be the next president in a month anyway, since I'm graduating. And I accept my fate as I did, indeed, not fulfill my entire duty."

"Never a hard feeling on my end, mate," Roddy accepted Lucius's pale strong hand in his own and they shook like brothers, "We're all in this together, with every failure and success, we're in it as one."

"I'm just glad they picked you and not Rosier or Dolohov or god forbid Crabbe or Goyle," Lucius scrunched his thin nose in disgust.

"If Crabbe and Goyle were in charge, I'd quit and form my own damn group," Roddy laughed jovially and kissed me goodbye as the two friends walked up the stairs together, happily insulting the other members of the DEY as the meeting dissolved into bedtime and we returned to our rooms, exhausted and hopeful for the summer that awaited us.

And I thought for a while as I lay in bed about Lucius and the looked on his face as he regarded the stunned Sirius. The look of self-doubt, the look of indecision, the look of defeated resignation as he accepted his forthcoming failure and I wondered: could I have killed Sirius?

Could I have looked down as his half open stunned mouth, his tall frame, his smooth black hair, and taken the life from him, like snuffing out a candle? Could I do that to anyone? Could I steal their breath, and stop their heart, burn out the light in someone's eyes?

And then I thought of Fabian. And Gideon. And those that supported the failures of this world. I thought of mudbloods, and blood traitors, and the pain on my mother's face as she explains why purebloods are pure and mu bloods are dirty. And I think of the Dark Lord and the good he is trying to accomplish and the strength and power in his eyes. I think of his handsome face, of the sincerity in his cold eyes. And I think of the cruelty and the malice and the injustice in the face of Fabian Prewett. I think of the children I'll one day have, and the world I want them to grow up within. I think of my baby sister Cissy, of Reggie, I think of Andy being mislead by Ted Tonks and torn from her family. I think of Sirius unconscious on the spring green grass of the quiddich pitch….

If something is going to change, and clearly it must, then someone has to be brave enough to not only reach for the stars, but to extinguish the ones that do not shine brightly enough.

Love always,

Bella

April 27th,

Dear Diary,

It does appear that the DEY is not the only student group capable and willing to plan and implement devious strategies against fellow students. That is to say, the Order of the Pigeons had a trick up their robe sleeves this Friday evening that I failed to avoid.

It was a lovely evening, warm and welcoming as most of the school gathered on the grounds with friends and text books as they lounged by the lake or vegetable patch, watching the brilliant ruby sunset over the mountains. I sat with Roddy, Dolohov, Severus, Rosier, Lucius, Avery, Nott, Reggie, and Barty. It was a larger group of us sprawled out by the lake, watching the last rays of sun glitter over the lake while Roddy and Lucius talked animatedly, but in low cautious voices, about what spells to practice this weekend in the DEY. Avery, Nott, Rosier, and Dolohov, where pointing out all the Gryffindors and deciding who they wanted to feed to Mulciber's future pet dragon first, while Severus, Roddy, Reggie, and Barty were happily mocking James, Sirius, Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

"aahaha, no, no, guess who I am now!"Reggie chuckled, "I am king of quiddich! I carry around a snitch and don't comb my hair, because I am too cool for that. Now, worship me, lesser mortals who do not possess great broomstick skills!"

"Typical Potty-head!" Severus laughed, "Who am I? I am short and fat and follow around a bunch of people who probably don't know my name, but allow me to waddle happily in their arrogant shadows!"

"Pettigrew, oh Pettigrew," Barty sneered, "Alright, who's this? I look 47, never speak up, and must have kissed everyone's ass to possibly ever become a prefect!"

"Loony, Loony, Lupin," Roddy smirked, "I bet you'll 'never' guess this one! I am so handsome, and tall, and for fun? Well, for fun I try to curse Slytherins but I am not very good with the wand work, you see, so I end up getting stunned and humiliated in front of the whole school! Whoever could I be?"

"Ah, the oh so charming Sirius Black," Severus glanced over by a wide oak tree near Hagrids hut where the foursome of comrades was chatting brightly, James enjoying some fun with his snitch and Peter watching excitedly as James would release the gold ball and catch it just beofe it slipped out of reach.

"Hope the fat one doesn't pee his pants in excitement," Lucius sneered, his eyes narrowed at the four boys.

"They're not as bad as the Prewetts…Where are they anyway?" I asked, suspicious of their absence when the rest of the school appeared to be present, enjoying the last of the fading spring sunshine.

"I don't know," Severus rolled his eyes, "Kissing Dumbledore's arse somewhere, surely."

"Or crying about dead mummy and daddy," Lucius laughed coldly, "Why? Who cares?"

"No one," I shrugged, "Just had a bad feeling."

"Missing Fabian?" Severus jeered, "Thinking of leaving Roddykins for a nice blood traitor?"

"They did snog!" Rosier piped up from his discussion of feeding Ted Tonks to a Horntail dragon.

"Please do not remind me," I snapping, cringing at the recollection of our biting contest some might have labeled as a snog.

"Or me," Lucius glared at Rosier and then towards me, "Weren't we still dating then?"

"Don't remind me of that either," I retorted coolly, but felt the color rising to my cheeks.

A few minutes later after the sun faded beyond the trees and mountains of the west horizon, we began to pack up, stretching, and yawning with the rest of the school, all of whom seemed to stand at the same time, remembering that our curfew arrived with the sunset.

We all strolled back towards the wide doors leading into the vast entrance hall as the light dimmed and the world turned the blue-gray shade of twilight. We had almost reached the steps to the open doors when, my book bag, filled with essays I had half-finished, seemed to slip from my hands. Now, I am not a particularly clumsy person, but I was involved in a vivid daydream about having tea with the Dark Lord when my bag had slipped, and so I concluded it was a natural occurrence. Roddy who was several feet ahead of me with Lucius and Dolohov had already began his ascent up the stone steps and thus it was Severus who hung behind to assist me in gathering contents that had spilled from my open bag, as I waved Roddy to carry on.

"I thought I closed my bag," I said irritably as I snatched up the books and parchments that had toppeled in heaps on the grass.

A first year Ravenclaw accidentally trampled over my potions book and found herself suddenly drenched in cold water from a bucket that had mysteriously been conjured above her. She glanced down at me frightened and scurried away as fast as her tiny first year legs would carry her.

"Is that yours, over by the tree?" Severus asked, pointing to a roll of parchment that had rolled several feet the left, by a large oak.

"Ugh, yes that's my transfiguration essay I just finished" I groaned, pushing past the last stragglers as most of the school had already hurried their way through the doors, "Accio!"

The parchment didn't come. It was then when Severus caught my eye and we both glanced around the grounds cautiously.

I narrowed my dark eyes as they scanned the trees and hills for hiding blood traitor brats but there were none to be seen, "Accio!" I called again, this time with anger backing my voice.

Nothing.

"You know, Bella," Severus said slowly in an undertone, "I don't think you dropped your bag."

"I am beginning to doubt that myself," I sighed, annoyed by this ambush more than frightened, "Okay wee blood traitoring bastards, come out, come out, wherever you are! We are not children, and I will not play hide & seek, so give me my bloody essay or show yourself and suffer the consequences for youract-AHHHHH!"

I was suddenly bound by ropes from somewhere behind me and before Severus could even blink, he too was ties up, by our ankles and hands and to my complete and total aggravation I lost my balance and hit the grass, hard, my head colliding unceremoniously with the firm spring soil.

"Who the fuck-" My question was answered for me as Fabian threw off Potter's invisibility cloak and approached us. Gideon, Siriius, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew appeared from behind a hill by the lake, all walking quickly towards us.

I tried to reach my wand, my fingers desperately reaching towards my pocket, but it was too far in there and before I knew it, I was in the air, hovering with Severus hovering under me and the invisibility cloak flung over our immobile bodies as we were hit with the full body bind and suspsended in the air. The two of us, concealed in the cloak, paralyzed and unable to speak, were then set in motion, following behind the footsteps of the gryffindors. With one final spell we were blindfolded under the cloak, and nervously remained paralyzed as we heard the castle doors shut behind us and the group of the Order of the Pigeons as we hovered alongside them.

"Boys, you almost broke curfew," I heard Slughorn gently reprimand the Gryffindors and tried to shout or move or do anything to alert him of our presence but it proved feckless as Potter and Sirius apologized and we commenced moving once more.

We spent about five minutes in that hellish predicament before we heard a mumbled incomprehensible password uttered by Gideon and then, moments later, we were flown quickly into a room where many voices carried, happy talk of quiddich and chocolate frog cards and wizards chess.

"May we have your attention, please, most noble house of Gryffindor!" Sirius's voice commanded the room, "We bring visitors to our common room tonight, visitors who would usually be most, most unwelcome but in this instance, we will treat them as our beloved guests, our esteemed peers from the most ignoble house of Slytherin, allow me to introduce you all, if you haven't had the displeasure of making their unholy acquaintance already-"

And suddenly the cloak was throw off of us, summoned into Potter's open hand and with a flick of the wand in the grasp of his other hand, Severus and I fell ungraciously to the floor, half on top of one another.

"-Here is Snivellus Snape, and Bellatrix Black!" Sirius finished, pointing brightly to us like he was a game show host and we were the prize.

I looked out, furiously and still suffering the insufferable curse of the body bind, onto the faces before me. Some, like Justin Wood and Ted Tonks looked nervous and skeptical. Others, like the first years we'd been hexing all year looked positively terrified. But others still looked amused, openly laughing as we lay before them.

"Shall we remove the body bind from our old friends?" Fabian snickered, glancing down at us.

"I don't know- Shall we?" Potter asked the room, smiling at the faces before him encouragingly.

There was a mix of replies, dissent and consent throughout the crowded common room, which I noticed seemed to be on one of the towers, judging by the view from the window. We were splayed out before a large fireplace and there were a number of couches and cushions and arm chairs scattered around. Perhaps it was the fire, or the torches, or my own imagination, but the Gryffindor common room seemed to glow golden the same way our common room glowed green. The decorations everywhere were red and gold. I felt like I had been teleported into enemy waters. I would have gulped had I not been paralyzed.

"I think we should let them speak," Fabian was laughing, knowing we'd be furious and eager for us to show this reaction to the rest of the room, whose curious eyes all seemed to be fixed on Severus and I.

"All right, Snivelly and Bella: here you go!" Sirius flicked his wand and, though my hands and feet remained bound by coarse roping, I struggled to sit up in as dignified a position as possible, my back to the burning golden fire, facing the room on enemy Gryffindors before me.

"As you can see, we have captured two members of the allegedly powerful Death Eater Youth-" Gideon began,

"Oh please, you snuck up on us and tricked us," I cut him off, trying to contain the rage from my voice, "We challeneged you last week to battle, which you failed. That was the noble way to fight, not kidnapping the tiny girl, and let's face it- lanky weak guy, this isn't fair or noble, and all it proves is that you lot fight dirtier than Slytherins!"

Ted and Justin made eye contact, seemingly in agreement with my statement, but their disdain for Severus and I restrained them form assisting us. It was then that my eyes caught Andy, sitting behind Ted, biting her lip and looking like she wanted to help, to speak, to do something, but she remained as paralyzed as I had been moments ago. I hated her for being so weak.

"Shut up," Sirius snapped to me, "Only speak when spoken to, my dear self-titled Slytherin Princess."

"I'm not taking orders from my baby cousin!" I retorted angrily.

"But you will attack him?" Fabian sneered, "Shut up, now. You see, you are in MY common room, under MY rules. And we are here to show the rest of the world that you, Snivelly, and the Death Eater Youth are not nearly as powerful as you pretend you bloody are! You're just a 16 year old witch with a power-complex and a lot of free time to learn the Dark Arts. You are nothing to be afraid of, nor is your spidery, sallow-faced friend there."

"We are as powerful, more powerful in fact, as everyone says we are," I replied simply, "Which we will once again demonstrate when we are not outnumbered one hundred to two, and bound by ropes at your big, ugly feet."

"Bella, you aren't helping, I just want to get out of here," Severus hissed out of the corner of his thin lips.

"Look, everyone, she is just a little girl," Fabian grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to my feet and a bucket, smiliar to the one I had conjured only several minutes ago appeared above my head dumping pumpkin juice over me and Severus who had been roughly pulled to his own feet by Potter.

"and he is just a little boy," James said mockingly, motioning to Severus.

"Can we go now?" Severus seethed, "We let you have your little immature fun, and now-"

"No, absolutely not, not after the ambush last weekend, and not after you convinced the entire bloody school to be afraid of you pathetic nutters!" Potter spat, "You deserve this, all of this. You and your sick Dark Arts study group need to be taken down a few notches."

"A few?" Fabian laughed coldly, "More like several hundred! But nothing a little old fashion humiliation and interrogation can't fix, because you see- you're going to tell us what the DEY is planning next and you are going to do so sooner rather than later."

"Ha," I snickered, "Never."

"That's what you say now," Fabian hissed in a low voice, "But we'll change that tiny mind of yours."

"Uh huh," Severus glared at him doubtfully, "How do you plan on doing that?"

He, Sirius, and James, each drew their wands from their pockets, smiling sinisterly, looking more like animals than so-called noble Gryffindors

And as they raised their wands-

Oops, I just received an OWL from Roddy

I need to meet him downstairs.

I'll finish this entry later. Sorry for the cliffhanger.

Love always,

Bella.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Thank you so so sos so muccccccccch for the reviews! They mean a lot! Now, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and are excited to find out how it endsssss!

It'll be posted soon, please read & review, thank you thank you thank youuuuuu! =]

Hope you're liking the story!

-your devoted author


	33. The Last Chance

AUTHOR'S NOTES: it's a long one, be prepared…. Not TOO long I hope! Happy reading!

April, 25rd,

Dear Diary-

CONTINUED TWO DAYS LATER:

"A few?" Fabian laughed coldly, "More like several hundred! But nothing a little old fashion humiliation and interrogation can't fix, because you see- you're going to tell us what the DEY is planning next and you are going to do so sooner rather than later."

"Ha," I snickered, "Never."

"That's what you say now," Fabian hissed in a low voice, "But we'll change that tiny mind of yours."

"Uh huh," Severus glared at him doubtfully, "How do you plan on doing that?"

He, Sirius, and James, each drew their wands from their pockets, smiling sinisterly, looking more like animals than so-called noble Gryffindors

And as they raised their wands over their big heads, I held my breath and closed my eyes to the warm golden room full of curious strangers and waited.

I heard Severus shout in indignation and my eyes flew open to the image of Severus's hair covered in shampoo that was dripping all over his face, stinging his eyes and falling into his mouth which was open in shock and fury. The room burst into laughter, and I couldn't resists but to snicker at the sight before me.

"Snivellus, allow us to introduce you to: shampoo!" Potter mocked him cruelly.

"We're actually doing you a favor here, you might look like less of slimy waste of a wand this way," Lupin added from behind his friends, unable to help himself from chuckling at a soapy Snape.

"If that's our goal, we're gonna need a few more cauldrons of shampoo," Sirius grinned mischeviously and with a quick flick of his wand, the shampoo pouring over Severus was doubled in quantity.

"What are you pathetic excuses for wizards doing?" Severus sneered, shampoo now dampening his robes and making him sputter as he spoke, "YOU'RE ACTING LIKE BLOODY FIRST YEARS!"

"Tell us what your Death eater Youth is up to and we'll have you dry and dirty as usual in just a jiff," Fabian jeered through his laughter.

I stood still and silent hoping their juvenile attention remained focused on my soapy companion, but I knew it was only a matter of time. The pumpkin juice had made my hair and robes damp and uncomfortable and the eyes of one hundred unsympathetic Gryffindors did little to comfort my nerves or aching hands and ankles, still bound cruelly by the Gryffindor's ropes that were fashionably red and gold.

"All hail a member of the self-proclaimed Slytherin court: Snivellus Snape!" Potter taunted and Lily Evans stood up, looking irate

"Potter, you're as bad as they are, all of you lot are!" She said coldly, "Remus, Peter, Gideon, I expected better of you! Fabian, Potter, and Black have made it clear they don't mind fighting fire with fire, but I would have thought SOMEONE would have the COURAGE to stand up and do what is right by example!"

"The only way to win a war is to fight it, Evans," Fabian shot back, matching her angry expression, frown line for frown line, "You can't put out fire with kisses, but you can certainly burn that way, engulfed by flames."

"And who wins when fire is fought with fire?" Lily was nearly shouting now, "No one, Fabian! We all BURN!"

"Then let us burn on our own terms, woman!" Sirius snapped.

"Your resemblance to your oh so dear cousin, Bellatrix is striking at this moment, Sirius Black," She retorted coolly, her voice dangerously calm now, "What a wonderful sampling we have before us tonight, courtesy of the most noble house of Black!"

"Merlin's pants, Lily, pull the broom stick out of your arse and realize the only way to restore order to our school-"

"Is to create MORE chaos and cruelty, Sirius?" She put her hands defiantly on her hips.

"Is to create chaos in the name of-"

"Oh shut up, all of you, and argue about this after you let us go?" I snapped, unable to listen to the petty squabbles of Mudbloods and Blood traitors any longer, "I have places to be, and people to-"

"Torture?" Fabian offered, "Well let you go, once we've shown everyone that you are not someone to fear, and once you've told us something your precious Dark Arts club is planning these days-"

"Oh go fuck yourself, ganging up on me and pouring pumpkin juice on my head only proves what Miss Mudblood over there is saying. Which is to put it simply: You lot are acting like Slytherins. You are all behaving in the manner which you claim to abhor and-"

"For once Bellatrix Black is making more sense than you so-called noble Gryffindors!" Lily said and walked forward shoving Sirius out of the way and cut Severus ropes with a flick of her wand.

"Stop it, Lily, we can't have them RULING Hogwarts like this!" James pleaded with her as Severus immediately retrieved his wand from his pocket and began siphoning the shampoo from his hair, face, & robes.

"This is not the path towards righteousness, this is the path towards Dark Magic," She said simply but before she could remove my binds, Fabian gently grabbed her wrist and flicked his own wand towards me aggressively and I found myself bleeding, profously from my left arm as the words "Sectumsempra" escaped his lips.

My eye lids flickered as I saw blood pouring from my arm, skin sliced clean open and wet, scarlet liquid began to seep through the black of my school robes and all too soon, everything went dark, dark like night and dark magic, dark as can be,

When I came around, the screaming that had accompanied the curse, screaming of the shocked and confused Gryffindor onlookers, had subsided, and all was silent. My eyes fluttered open to reveal Lily and Severus tending to my arm, with some sort of stining purple concoation.

"What.." My voice sounded weak, girlish, sleepy, "Happened?"

"You fainted at the sight of your own blood," Severus tried to keep the amusement out of his voice, "Fabian looked horrified at what he did to you, stealing my own spell, using Dark Magic in front of everyone, hurting you so badly, so he bolted, Literally, sprinted form the common room."

"Hope he got a kiss from a dementor on his way out," I sneered, though a note of fragility hung in my usual confident voice, as I glanced around the room. It was bright, many candles illuminated Lily's frustratingly pretty face, and Severus sallow one. I appeared to be laying on a bed with comfortable red blankets and pills, and a canopy of gold. It didn't look like the Gryffindor common room, though it was adorned in Gryffindor colors, and it certainly wasn't the infirmary, "Where am I?"

"My bed," Lily explained curtly, dabbing more purple liquid onto my healing cut.

"Ew," I tried to sit up immediately, revulsion at laying in a Mudbloods sleeping quarters overriding my exhaustion and pain, "Gross, get me out of here!"

"Lay down," Lily snapped, shoving me a little aggressively, back onto her mattress, "You're not in any fit state to move yet."

"Take me to the infirmary or something, this is weird," I addressed Severus now, "I want to get sorted out by Madame Pomfry not you lot."

"No chance," Severus shook his head, his long hair accidentally hitting Lily in the face, "We'll all end up in extra detentions. Besides, we've healed these cuts before, after battles. Lily has too. I invented the bloody spell; I know how to fix it."

"How do the rest of the Gryffindor girls feel about me being in your dormitory?" I asked Lily after a moment of glaring at Severus finding myself unable to come up with an appropriate counter argument.

"Less annoyed than they were about me sneaking Severus up here, normally no boys are allowed but If he magically hovers over the steps, instead of walking on them, he can get away with it," Lily explained as the pain in my arm began to numb with the increased application of the purple potion, "Now you can't tell anyone what happened tonight with risking serious consequences, not only to Fabian but to yourself, it will be your word against theirs, and no Gryffindor's will back up your story about kidnapping, everyone will say you snuck into the common room and began a duel-"

"I don't need the authorities to fight my battles for me," I cut her off, irritably, "He'll pay, and he will pay on my terms, not on Dumbledore's."

"She's a charming girl, I can see why you two are such good friends," Lily muttered to Severus sarcastically.

"What I can't see is why you two are good friends," I commented, snickering, "You're a mudblood, and he's a pureblood. Seems-"

"Perfectly reasonable," She finished for me, "Now I'm getting rather annoyed with you-"

"All apologies for pointing out the obvious, Miss Mudblood," I attempted to sit up again, this time successfully, and got to my wobbly feet without falling over. I felt lightheaded from the loss of blood, and my arm stung with movement, but otherwise I seemed to be in functioning order, "I really must be getting back, if Severus would be so kind to assist me-"

"Wait," Lily stood quickly, " Wait here. There is someone who wants to see you before you go, it won't take longer than a minute, but don't leave yet. Sit down, I'll be right back!"

And with those cryptic words she raced from the room, her quickened footsteps echoing as she began to descend the stairs.

"Who requires my valuable time now?" I demanded of Severus impatiently as I slumped back onto the Mudbloods Gryffindor themed blanketed bed, awaiting my mystery guest without patience.

"Just another blood traitor," Severus sighed, "We'll leave as soon as this little family reunion is over with."

"Family reunion?" I asked, furrowing my brow in thought, but the question was answered for me as Andy rushed into the room looking pale and nervous, her hair messy as though she had been running her hands through it as she approached me and flung her arms gently around my shoulders and kissed my cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, I should have done something to help, I should have tried or spoken up-"

"Shut up," I sighed, wiggling out of her emotional grasp, "Shut up and let go of me, Merlin, I already know you're a weak fool, I didn't expect anything else from you, Andromeda."

"Bella, I was weak today, I know, and I'm sorry," She sighed, and sat beside me, clutching my hand in her own lovingly, "When I saw the blood, I mean, I didn't know it was your arm, for a second I thought he might have killed you, and it killed me, KILLED ME, to think that you were gone, even after everything, all the bad you've done: you are my sister and I love you."

And idea suddenly formed, and idea that resulted from Andy's out pour of affection, and idea to revolutionize my revenge.

"Mudbloo- I mean.,..Lily, Severus, would you mind giving us a moment alone?" I asked as politely as I could. After exchanging confused glances the two nodded and walked towards the door, closing it gently behind them.

"A private word seemed in order," I explained seeing Andy's perplexed smile as I turned to face my baby sister, but no feeling of love had arisen in me at her gray heavy lidded eyes, so like my own, I saw a vague mirror image of the Bella who once though she could befriend mudbloods. I sighed, no, the love I felt for her was overridden by frustration and pity. But that mattered little. If the Gideon project taught us anything, it taught us that I was a natural at faking affection, like some are naturals at truly giving it, I could forge it as easier than I could honestly express it, even to Cissy or Roddy.

"A private word to discuss what?" She asked, her eyes suddenly skeptical as she regarded me closely.

"You still love me after everything?" I asked her calmly, squeezing her hands that still clasped my own so sweetly.

"I didn't think I did," She conceded, returning the gentle squeeze, "But seeing you today, thinking you were hurt, or worse… I still love my Bella. I know there's good in you. I see it in your eyes."

"Then help me, Andy," I whispered, forcing my eyes to glaze over with falsified tears and my mouth to tremble as though I was afraid, "I fear I have gone too far and pushed Fabian over the edge. I fear this is hardly the last time something like this will unfold. He told me he'd kill me after the scenario at the Valentine's dance. He used the cruciatus curse on me, Andy, that night after I made him embarrass himself…"

"He WHAT?" her eyes widened in horror, "Oh my Godric!"

"Right?" I sighed, licking my lips as I pressed forward, "But I can stop him. I can stop him, with your help. You can help end this war. The DEY- Death Eater Youth- we just want to practice our magic after the last battle, we aren't interested in fighting the Gryffindors anymore,"

She looked doubtful as I lied to her eyes that mirrored my own, "You don't , huh?"

"No, we grow weary, it seems so juvenile. I promise, Andy," I said widening my eyes innocently and biting my lip while I watched her expression change from suspicion to resignation.

"What can I do?" She had a hard, decided look that I recognized as a look I often wore and it made me smile, a surge of affection for her rising in me, that I doused down with reminders of her blood traitor status, of her relationship with Ted Tonks, of her weakness.

"Only you can help me now. My fate, perhaps my life, is in your hands. Are you prepared to be strong for me?" I asked her earnestly, the most honest thing I'd spoken to her in years.

"What can I do?" She repeated, sounding more sure of herself than I could ever recall.

"I need your hair," I said, aware of the absurdity of my statement.

"Pardon?" She raised her eyebrows, stroking her long, light brown hair instinctively.

"Polyjuice potion," I explained in hushed tones, "Severus is an accomplished potion maker, he could create it, and I could masquerade as you, for just one evening to find out what Fabian is planning for me, so I can be prepared and avoid whatever ill-convinced plot he has designed to destroy your big sister."

"He won't tell you anything, even as me," She shook her head, and my heart skipped a bit in sudden anger, "he doesn't trust me much."

"That's why I'm not asking you to find out for me," I sighed, trying to remain patient, "You do not know Fabian as I do. There are ways, ways to coax it out of him. I assure you, it will be done with tact and your reputation will remain in order, for I must act as you would act in order to not be discovered an attacked while undercover."

"This plan has a lot of holes," She said slowly, "Big ones. That threaten both of us."

"If you love, if you have ever loved me," I replied in a desperate, barely audible plea, "You will trust me this once, and assure me my safety."

There was moment of contemplative silence, and out of nowhere Andy glanced around the room as though fearful of eaves droppers lurking in every corner of the empty dormitory, before she bent low and whispered, "There is a party next weekend at Hogsmeade, only Gryffindors are invited. We're going to the Hogs Head, sneaking out through this passage Sirius. Remus, and James discovered and we're celebrating the end of the year with firewhiskey and such. Its quite exclusive. Only about 14 people were invited, including Ted and myself. Fabian will be there. Along with Sirius, Remus, and Potter of course, but also Peter Pettigrew, Gideon Prewett, Lily Evans and her friend Alice… and I think Justin Wood, Frank Longbottom, Molly Prewett, and Arthur Weasley. You should go in my place. Ted and I weren't going to go anyway, we have a special date planned, and don't make that face about my Ted whilst I am helping you, Bella! Now, you can go, say Ted is ill or busy or something… and find out what you need to, once Fabian has had some drinks in him… He's a chatty drinker."

"You are a wonderful sister," I said, almost with a pinch of sincerity, while I hugged her in my mock affectionate way. She returned the embrace graciously and I kissed her on the cheek when we broke apart.

"I'm doing this for you in the hopes we can be sisters again, in some way, though I don't consider the most noble house of Black to be my home any longer," She said softly.

"You are, and forever will be, my sister," I said, "I won't forget this deed you do for me. When the war commences, the war fought beyond the confines of this castle, I will remember this day."

"You promise?" She asked, looked up at me as I stood

"I do," I lied with the widest smile I could paint on my face and called for Lily and Severus to join us again.

We walked, or rather slid, down the stairs once Severus set foot on them they became a slide and the four of us, an unlikely grouping of me, Mudblood Evans, Severus, and Andy found ourselves in the center of the Gryffindor's golden common room.

The eyes of the Gryffindors who had not yet set off to bed were all glued on myself and Severus.

"I bid you good night, Gryffindors," I said with as much dignity as I could muster after fainting before them all, and strutted confidently towards the portrait leaving quickly with Severus in tow.

"How quickly can you make some polyjuice potion?" I asked him once we were out of earshot down the stone corridor that lead away from the dreadful Gryffindor's common room.

"I have some in stock, why? What are you planning, Bella Black?" He asked, curiosity etched in every syllable.

"Because come next weekend, I'm going to be Andromeda Blood Traitor, instead of Bella Black," I grinned.

"Sweet Salazar, how did you get her to agree to that?" He laughed as we made our way past the great hall and turned towards the stairwell that would lead us back home, to the green glowing common we knew and loved.

"A heartfelt appeal, sister-to-sister," I was grinning still.

"Well, I give you a heartfelt congratulations, DEY member-to DEY member, for that outstanding work, Bella," He down at me, his dark eyes almost proud, as we neared the common room door, "We will need to plan this. Carefully plan this."

"Then let the planning begin!" I beamed and swung open the door before us, to a group of very curious and concerned members of the DEY.

They swept us up in questions and exclamations of horror, fury, and towards the end, with my hand held high, triumphantly clasping Andy's strand of chestnut hair, excitement.

When Roddy requested me yesterday it was to express his anxiety regarding my mission.

"So much could go wrong", he whispered to me anxiously.

"So much could go flawlessly," I replied, grinning at his worried brow.

"Perhaps, you could wait and-"

"I have an opportunity to find out everything about the Order of the Pigeons, and will not be swayed to relinquish the opportunity to ease your paranoid mind," I said calmly.

"It's my heart that worries for you, my mind is well aware of your unique talents for deception," he sighed, but kissed me gently, "I do love you. You absurdly brave witch, you."

"As I love you, you absurdly anxious wizard, you," I smiled sweetly.

And thus the past two days I have been planning for the weekend. "Operation Doppelganger" as it had been christened by the DEY, was in full swing preparations. Everyone was listing the questions they wished me to ask of the Gryffindors.

"Ask James if he and Sirius are secretly boyfriends, Bella, please!" Severus had implored over dinner this evening.

"Oh please, what I want to know is what plans the Order of the Pigeons have in store before school's end," Lucius said sagely, "Once we are aware of their attack, we can form a strategy to humiliate and destroy them at their own twisted Mudblood and blood traitor games!"

"Ask them if Hagrid knows where one could find a dragon!" Mulciber insisted, "I know those dirt blooded scoundrels are friends with the creature-loving oaf!"

"Ask Gideon if he's joining the real Order of the Phoenix once he graduates," Roddy advised between bites of steak-and-kidney pie, "And see what he knows about them!"

"Brilliant suggestion, Roddy," Lucius nodded approvingly.

"Hey Bella, want some PUMPKING JUICE," Rosier snickered, passing me a goblet of the same liquid the Gryffindors had doused Severus and I with, "You can drink it or bathe in it, whichever suits your fancy, cauldron cakes."

"Go fuck a hippogriff," I snapped, and extended my hand, knocking the full goblet into his lap.

"Touchy, touchy," Rosier jeered in return, vanishing the drink that was staining his robes, and pouring soap on the offending areas with the tip of his wand, "Don't get a paper cut, Princess; you might faint when you see your own blood…"

"You know some fourth year Gryffindor brats made that joke earlier today and suddenly they found themselves, and their belongings doused in summoned flobberworm blood and goo."

"You're a sick, twisted, young lady," Nott murmured, though a smirk appeared on his pale façade.

"Please tell me you didn't JUST notice that?" Avery chuckled from beside him, nearly spitting out the hearty sip of pumpkin juice he had just taken from his silver goblet.

"Hardly," Nott smiled, "It's common knowledge. Hufflepuffs are pansies, Dumbledore is a crackpot, and Bella is sick and twisted. Oh, the things we learn in our Hogwarts education."

"And we learn Rosier is a twit, and Avery and Nott almost never do, but when they FINALLY speak, its nothing worth hearing," I gave them a fake smile and charmed my pumpkin juice, a sore reminder of my recent humiliation, into firewhiskey.

"Do mine too!" Rosier said eagerly, "I don't know the charm!"

"Certainly," I smiled sweetly biting back my laughter as I flicked my wand, charming the beverage in his goblet, and watching with private amusement as he downed a healthy a gulp only to spew it back out onto the face of his neighbors, Dolohov and a furious Lucius.

"What's the big idea, mate?" Dolohov snapped, wiping his cheeks with his napkin.

Lucius, likewise cleaning himself up was furious, "Rosier, what on earth is wrong with you, you bumbling git?"

"That's not firewhiskey, that's beetle eye juice!"

"A worthwhile use of my excess potions ingredients," I snickered, "Now, do yourself, and those sitting beside you a favor, and don't make any more bad jokes about my recent experience in the Gryffindor common room, okay? Thanks."

"Back to the plan, if you please," Lucius said, clearing his throat loudly, "It would be prudent of you too-"

And on and on the preparations go.

And I can hardly sleep these days, for anticipation of what is to come.

I wonder, vaguely, as I lay in bed, going over questions to ask the Gryffindors under my new found disguise, rephrasing them and weighing them eagerly, what other people think about as they fall asleep? People who are not as blessed to have such a captivating existence? What do people envision in their minds as they lay motionless in bed after all the candles have been extinguished and the conversation with your dorm mates quiets into a peaceful silence, and all you can see are the twinkling of distant stars and the shadows cast by the moon's midnight glow? If you are not envisioning a better world, a new order, or your exciting adventurous plans, what do you see? What could possible occupy one's thoughts besides change, progress, and adventure? I think I'd simply die of boredom were I to be cursed with a life other than my own.

I would rather sleep forever than not have a reason to linger awake long after the peaceful population has closed their eyes to the world. I would rather die in infamy and adventure than live forever in monotony and a state of perpetual boredom.

How do you define oneself if you lack a purpose or meaning? How do you wake up without something significant to awaken for?

I will never understand the people who live and breathe, and eat and sleep and never fight for more.

Love Always,

Bella.

April 30th,

Dear Diary,

A toast to the best laid plans of hippogriffs and wizards, of mice and muggles.

The day dawned cold. I was forcibly reminded of autumn in the sky's choice hue of charcoal gray, and the icy breeze cutting across the Hogwarts ground when it should have been sun drenched in the morning of that late spring day.

"Some way to end the month of April," I commented at breakfast that Friday morning, the morning of the party in Hogsmeade, "In rain clouds and bitter winds. The world doesn't want to welcome summer just yet."

"It's winter's one last hoorah, saying don't forget about me, I'll be back before you can say 'summer holiday,'" Lucius smiled, his eyes glancing up casually to the cold ashen ceiling of the Great Hall that mirrored the cold ashen sky above its roof, "Perhaps it will serve as a reminder of what is to come for those who oppose the Dark Lord,"

"I don't think the weather revolves around You-Know-Who, Lucius, old boy," Rosier smirked, "But what a lovely theory,"

"I was creating a metaphor- oh nevermind, simple people, with their simple minds," Lucius smirked in return and rolled his eyes over his morning coffee, before returning to that day's issue of the Daily Prophet.

"Anything interesting outside the castle on this dreary day?" Roddy asked brightly, leaning over Lucius to glance at the head lines.

"Nothing worth mentioning." Lucius assured him briefly, his mouth full of oatmeal, "And don't read over my shoulder, Rod, didn't your house elves ever teach you any manners?"

"Ah, they tried," Roddy leaned back in his cheer, putting his feet up on the table, to everyone's annoyance, "But I never really paid much attention."

"Evidently not," Lucius wrinkled his nose, unceremoniously shoving Roddy's feet back to the floor.

"What's the big idea, you git?" Roddy laughed good naturedly and returned to a normal sitting position and to his jam and toast.

"Aren't you going to eat, Bella?" Dolohov asked, noting I had barely touched my blueberry muffin or apple since the breakfast had began several minutes ago.

"Your nerves getting the best of you, little miss DEY princess?" Rosier teased.

"Hardly," I lied unconvincingly and shoved half of the muffin's side into my mouth, swallowing it whole and nearly choking as result.

"Oh yeah, you seem about as tranquil and comfortable as the weather," Lucius snickered, "Sev, can you whip up a calming drought, before she chokes to death on her muffin?"

"As long as she doesn't try swallowing the entire apple, she should be fine," Severus's mocked, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile.

"So, shall we go through it one more time?" Lucius pressed, a hint of anxiety creeping into his own words, following his mocking of my nerves.

"As you like it," I replied, eager for a reason to speak and quell my pre-plan jitters.

"So, you meet your blood traitor sister at the entrance hall at seven O'clock PM…."

"You come here alone?" I asked Andy at precisely seven, behind the first suit of armor, as previously agreed upon. She wore her anxiety on her face, but nodded determinedly. I downed the potion from my silver and green flask and watched her face twist in revulsion and then shock as I became my sister, through a painful process of my skin and bones reconfiguring themselves, however slightly, to replicate my baby sister. She handed me her extra set of Gryffindor robes, and I changed quickly, cringing at the scarlet and golden clad garments I was forced to wear to ensure the success of the plan. "It's all for the Dark Lord" I muttered to myself, while fashioning the golden headband in my long flowing locks of Andy's smooth hair that was now my own.

"I'll meet you back here at one in the morning to hear how it all went…. Until then Ted and I will be safely hidden away in the astronomy tower with some picnic items, you know pumpkin juice and raspberry treacle-"

"Lovely,' I cut her off, bored with the details of her and her mudblood's date, "Now I'm off to your common room so the adventure can begin. See you in a few hours,"

I moved towards the common room, leaving her alone behind the armor

"Bella?" She called, her expression once I couldn't quite define as our identical eyes locked across the entrance hall, her voice echoing like a bell.

"Yes?" I waited impatiently as she seemed to fight with herself over what to say, her eyes darting around, as though regarding the respective angels and devils hypothetically decorating each of her shoulders.

"The password to the fat lady's portrait is Hocus Pocus," She whispered, biting her lip as though biting back all of the other things she desperately wished to say.

"Cheers, Andy," I replied and smiled, swishing my cloak as I turned away from her, walking at an unusually quick pace in the hopes of out running her mind as it tried to shape and form the thoughts she was attempting to verbalize in the entrance hall. If I could, I would out run all the words the blood traitors and mudbloods had for me. Or I simply curse the words themselves. I would kill them with Avada Kedavra if words could be hexed or dead.

The chill from the day had infiltrated the castle and as much as it sickened me to do so, I clutched Andy's striped red and golden scarf tightly around my neck as I made me way towards the portrait that would lead me into the common room, lead me ever closer towards my awaiting destiny.

The fat lady's portrait swung open with a whisper of "hocus pocus" and the common room I had been unceremoniously introduced to the previous weekend loomed before me, offensively bright and cheerful, blindingly golden, and obscenely decorated with lion emblazoned scarlet flags and tapestries.

The room was full of laughter and animated conversations, the words "Quaffle!" and "Hey you, dungbreath!" were distinguishable over the commotion of Friday night chit-chat and excitement.

"Hey Andy, where's Teddy?" I whipped around after a moment, recognizing the voice speaking, and the names spoken. It was Gideon who had called out, he was sitting with most of the group that was to sneak out to the Hogs Head, and with a sigh of relief that they had not yet departed I joined them, noticing only Fabian and Frank were missing from the lot.

"Infirmary, didn't feel well," I lied fluidly, "It looked like one of those git Slytherins slipped something into his drink at dinner, made him feel ill."

"Toerags," Lily said, shaking her head in disgust, her long red locks swaying about her irritated face.

"Their pranks grow boring, they're about as creative as a dung beetle," Potter yawned, "Not that I'm not concerned for Ted, hope he feels better."

"You're still coming right, Andy?" Sirius smiled compassionately a way he hadn't regarded me since we were children, naive of the ways of the world and the weight of the truth. Then I remembered, he wasn't looking at me that way at all. He was looking at Andy with a warmth I had forgotten existed in his dark eyes. I hated him and Andy both for sharing this love they had robbed from me. I resisted the urge to punch him in the face that housed that kind expression not intended for me but for Andy.

"Yes," I forced a smile I hoped radiated a sense of affection to match his own, "Yes, I'm coming with you, Siri."

"Great," He smiled and turned to Gideon, "When's your baby brother and Frankie getting here?"

"As soon as the coast is clear they said they'd come for us, they're hiding in James's handy cloak," Gideon replied, offering James a thumbs-up at the mention of his frustrating invisibility cloak.

"I bet Alice just can't wait for Frankie to come back," James teased the brunette girl standing beside Lily and Molly Prewett.

"Oh, be quiet Potter!" Alice snapped, but her cheeks flushed bright red, matching Lily and Molly's vibrant hair.

"Oh, be quiet Potter!" Sirius mocked her good-naturedly.

":Oh, to be young and in love!" Lupin mused, winking at Alice who looked furious.

"Andy, how is that whole young and in love thing working for you?" Gideon asked, grinning at me.

"It's going swimmingly, thank you," I grinned, feeling awkward. I had barely known Andy these past couple of years, and that thought had just dawned on me. I was pretending to be a girl I didn't know. The part of her I did know, was to my dismay, not the Andy she showed in happy conversation amongst her friends, but in bitter disputes and unhappy holiday homecomings. How was I to know who Andy was with people she loved anymore?

"Swimmingly, eh?" Justin Wood chuckled.

It was so strange to talk to Gideon and Justin warmly, jokingly even. It was so strange to be regarded so gently by these monsters, these people of filth whom I despised. I felt my heartbeat speed up uncomfortably as my hands grew clammy and nervous in this new and unknown territory, with known enemies thinking I was friend and not foe, and my costume inadequate for I did not know how to act under my mask.

I nearly forgot to breathe and inhaled deeply.

Our exasperatingly friendly conversation was interrupted then by the entrance of Fabian and Frank, and never in my life had I been so grateful to see my worst enemy, but he was giving me something to do, besides awkwardly standing, making idle small-talk with the people I found most loathsome in this world.

"Oi, come on mates!" Frank called out, beckoning our group forward. I noticed Sirius and James lead the group, shouting "VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE COMING THROUGH, CLEAR OUT OF OUR WAY, LITTLE ONES!" practically trampling a group of first year girls sitting in a circle discussing the cutest quiddich players from the previous year's World Cup.

"Follow us, and be silent, swift, and quick of pace and wits!" Sirius called to us all as we clamored into the deserted corridor.

We made our way down three or four hallways before arriving at an old and unknown statue which we all climbed into and then slid down, as though a long slide waited for us beneath the opened statue's head. We landed without any air of grace in the basement of Honey Dukes, which we left in groups of 3. I was one of the last to escape the dingy candy shop dungeon accompanied by Lily and Alice.

"Hey Andy," Lily asked in a would-be casual voice as we walked out into the cold spring evening, below clouds that threatened rain above us, "What did Bellatrix want to speak to you about in private last week? I meant to ask you, but I feel like I haven't seen you in days,"

"I've had a lot of homework," I said evasively trying to remember Andy's sense of humor from childhood, "You know, I've sort of moved into the library, I feel like some sort of Ravenclaw"

Lily giggled, but was not so easily side tracked, "So what, miss Ravenclaw, did Bellatrix want to discuss away from Severus and I?"

"My sister has a sense of pride to rival Potter's," I lied instinctively, "She wanted to apologize for her cruelty towards me, but simply couldn't bare to admit any sort of wrong doing in front of you and Severus."

"That doesn't sound much like the Bellatrix Black I'm familiar with," Lily scoffed as we followed the boys down the street, through the wind that whipped our hair and cloaks around viciously, "She acts like she doesn't even know the word 'sorry' exists,"

"She wasn't especially well acquainted with the concept as children either," I smirked, thinking of all the times I was forced to apologize to Andy, Cissy, Reggie, and Sirius though I felt quite certain I had acted appropriately. It wasn't my fault they had no sense of humor. How was I supposed to know Andy didn't WANT her morning cereal transfigured into mud? Or that Cissy would be SO afraid of a little spider above her bed?

"I'm not surprised," laughed Lily, a sound that reminded me of a bell despite my loathing of the little mudblood.

We had then, thankfully, arrived at the dirty doorway of the Hogshead and happily poured into the dusty bar, where only 3 or 4 others had sought refuge from the chilly night that evening. Fabian waved his wand over the tables and they instantly jumped together. Sirius, Lupin, James, and Pettigrew ordered everyone a round of firewhsikey and sensing it must have been nearly three-quarters of an hour, I took a swig from my flask of the thick polyjuice potion when no one was looking, everyone busying themselves with finding a seat or passing along a dingy mug of firewhiskey to their neighbors.

While everyone got settled and I felt the polyjuice becoming absorbed in my system, this solidifying my disguise, I began to breathe again, for I had unconsciously been holding my breath since breaching the doorway of the Hogshead.

I found myself seated beside Lily on one side and the dirty glass of the window that lead out into the dreary night on the other. Across from me was seated Fabian, and beside him Sirius and Frank.

The night had begun. My heart skipped a beat, and a feeling that I did not belong was bubbling inside me, and I fought the urge to fight or flight. I did my best to keep my expression friendly and to keep my eyes from darting around the bar as though looking for a valid escape route in the midst of the party.

"T.T. isn't here?" Fabian asked me as the table dissolved into natural conversation, our spirits aided and abetted by the firewhiskey warming us from the chill of the evening.

"T.T?" I frowned, "Oh you mean Teddy?"

"No I mean Thomas Travers, that prat fourth year in the Death Eater Youth," He said sarcastically after a hearty gulp of firewhiskey.

"Ted isn't feeling well," I told him with a very forced sort of half smile crossing Andy's lips on the face I had borrowed.

"She said one of the Slytherin idiots must have slipped something in his drink at dinner," Sirius chimed in, "Godric, they're atrocious."

"It was probably your horrible excuse for a sister," Fabian said darkly.

"Why Bella?" Sirius laughed slightly, "She isn't more likely than one of the other prats, mate. If you haven't noticed, Andy, he has a wee obsession with your big sister."

"Obsession?" He glowered at Sirius, "Hardly, I just think she's the epitome of evil and everything we're working against and thus when something goes awry I am apt to think of her."

"You think of her constantly," Sirius snickered, "If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought you had a crush on her."

"Fabian and Death Eateress sitting in a tree!" James called from a couple of seats down, having overheard the general gist of their conversation, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Fabian laughed good naturedly, "I'm going to curse you into next year, mate"

"Well worth the risk, Fabian!" James chortled to himself.

"You and Bella aren't all best friends now, are you?" Sirius asked, "You know she thinks Ted is a worthless piece of scum she'd sooner kill than say hello to?"

"I'm well aware," I smiled slightly, relieved to be able to answer honestly for a moment, "But please don't cut her arm off again, Fabian, that was bit of overkill. How very Slytherin that was of you! Please tell me your next little revenge fantasy involves less bloodshed?"

"His revenge FANTASY involves-"

Fabian cut Potter off brusquely, "My next revenge plan will certainly not involve me risking expulsion."

"So no more violence?" I hoped the relief, nor the challenge within me were not reflected in my voice.

"Now, I didn't exactly say that," Fabian half-smiled and have looked nervous as he spoke

"Come off it, you prat," Frank rolled his blue eyes exasperatedly, "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: She isn't worth it, mate."

"She isn't worth anything," Fabian agreed coldly and the subject turned to quiddich as both Fabian and I turned our attention to our firewhiskey.

Two or three glasses in, I felt much more at home behind enemy lines. The Gryffindors seemed less annoying, the glasses less grimy, and even the sky that had succumbed to a frigid drizzle seemed friendlier. Even the sound of the icy down raindrops, tapping on the window glass sounded like a song. I was having more fun than I'd care to admit.

"And then Potter says to Pettigrew 'No mate, that wasn't a BIRD as in a girl inside the greenhouses, it was a bloody cardinal!" Frank said laughing heartily.

"I knew that!" Peter squeaked, growing red in his pudgy cheeks.

"So THEN, Hargid comes over carrying a pumpkin the size of those muggle transportation contraptions, cars or something, and asks why Peter is trying to peep in the greenhouse windows and all Peter does is try to run away-"

"And then-" Sirius took over the story from Frank here, for Frank had lost himself to laughter, "and THEN: Peter tries to runaway, but slips, and falls into Hagrid who drops the pumpkin on his head!"

The table roared with laughter, all except for Peter whose face became blotchy red and busied himself with his firewhiskey.

"Peter, peter, pumpkin eater takes on a whole new sense of imagery for me," Lily giggled.

"He was covered in pumpkin guts," Sirius chortled.

"Look, I've still got the photograph!" Remus said excitedly, passing it around.

"Can we throw pumpkins at the 'Day' or whatever they're called?" Gideon asked with longing after having a deep chuckle at Pettigrew covered in pumpkin seeds, looking just seconds away from tears, as he flicked off the camera and tried to hide behind Hagrid's tree trunk legs in the depth of the photograph.

"The day?" Alice frowned, confused, exchanging perplexed looks with Lily and Molly on either side of her.

"The Death Eater Youth, they call themselves the DEY for short," Fabian explained, his jovial expression darkening.

"I thought you wanted to throw pumpkins at daylight or something," Alice giggled, turning to Gideon.

""Now, Alice dear, that's just plain silly," Gideon smiled.

"Ideas like that, are you sure you're not a Hufflepuff, Alice?"James teased.

"Potter, I know plenty of wonderful Hufflepuffs-"Lily started coolly.

"Oh lighten up and take the wand out of your arse, Evans," Sirius laughed, "No one said Hufflepuffs aren't wonderful. It's a joke! Ever heard of such a thing?"

"Do they teach you those in muggle society?" Fabian winked.

Lily looked torn between frustration and amusement, "All right, fine here's a joke for you: A house elf, a Dementor and a Slytherin walk into a bar-"

"I've heard that one before!" Frank interrupted, "I have a better one! Knock-Knock!"

"Who's there?" Fabian asked, beaming.

"You know!" Frank bit back his laughter.

"You know who?" Fabian replied and as soon as the words exited his mouth the table dissolved into another round of laughter. Though I wanted to much them all in their disrespectful mouths, the laugh I forced along with them came a little too easily…

"Here's one: Why did Pettigrew cross the road?" Sirius called out and after a moment of shrugged shoulders and confused glances he continued, "Because, James, Remus, and I did!"

"Why did Sirius cross the road?" Pettgirew retorted over the table full of chuckles, "because McGonagall told him NOT to!"

Sirius laughed appreciatively, "Not bad, Wormtail, not bad at all!"

"All right how's this?" I said boldly, in a voice carrying across the table full of foes, "Why don't dementors like to kiss Slytherins? Well, Slytherins don't have souls!"

The laughter following my bad joke was well worth the cost in pride I paid to tell it. I forced a laugh and was even grateful when the mudblood spoke up.

"Why did James fail astronomy?" Lily asked, her second attempt at joke telling for the evening, "Because he put the world revolves around Potter!"

"Not terrible for such a killjoy, Evans," Sirius reached over and clapped her shoulder brightly before standing to refill his firewhiskey, accompanied by James, Remus, and Peter as seemed quite typical. They experienced separation anxiety between the table and the bar. Naturally. 5 feet is awfully far to be separated. I sighed to myself.

"Tired, Andy?" Fabian asked. The table had largely dissolved into individual conversations now, Lily and Alice whispering secretively but glancing up at Frank and giggling every so often seemed to be a clue as to the topic of their esoteric discussion. I could hear Gideon, Frank, and Justin discussing the Chudley Canons and Puddlemere United, and immediately tuned them out. The only thing of less interest to me on this mission than Alice's crush on Frank Longbottom, was the inane opinion's of the Gryffindor boys on the useless sport of quiddich, and thus I directed my attention to Fabian.

"A bit," I shrugged, feeling more energized than ever in midst of my plan, but obviously unable to explain that to his curious eyes, "So you're obsessed with Bella, are you?"

"Hardly," He blushed and hiccoped, "I mean,"

"You're drunk?" I asked, though it wasn't much of a question.

"Define," He hiccupoed, "Drunk!"

His eyes were locked on mine, though they were sliding in and out of focus and I couldn't help but giggle, "How many have you had there, champ?"

"Seven?" He replied thoughtfully, examining his empty mug, the outside dusty except for the smudged area in the middle where his hand had grasped it.

"Tisk, tisk," I smirked, and took out my flask, realizing my second hour was dying quickly and downed a bit for good measure, knowing Fabian was too drunk to ask questions, though his eyes followed the flask's journey back into my robe's pocket.

"Don't you tisk me!" He laughed, "And back to the previous question, I am not obsessed with Bellatrix Black. No, sir, not me."

"What exactly is your next plan?" I leaned forward, lowering my voice so only he could hear, "What's your next move?"

"You're acting"- hiccup, "Suspicious, Andy, very suspicious," He hiccupped again, loudly.

"And why would that be, drunky?" I asked, smiling at him.

"You never mention Bella, EVER, it's like you don't even know her, even when we all bring her up," He managed to articulate without excessive slurring, "You usually clam up and avoid the subject entirely, as if by not saying something you can distance yourself from your connection to her. You seem ashamed, but more than that. You seem anxious…. Like when we mention her she's going to jump out of the walls and proclaim something hysterical and prejudice, embarrassing you, and physically assaulting everyone else. And I mean, you have a point, she is known to do these things."

"I don't think- I mean, I love- that is to say-"I stuttered uncomfortably, "I didn't realize…"

"Here's the thing about Bella: She's insane," He whispered matter-of-factly, "And I wish, I wish to Godric, there was some potion or charm to bring her back down to planet earth. I mean, I wish I could FIX her, you know? Like I could take her passion and talent and, let's face it, she's stunning, I wish I could take all that… and sort her into Gryffindor and make her see sense and reason. I wish she was on our side. I feel like things could be so different if she was different. I feel like she's incredible, the way something poisonous is incredible, and you think: if only that flower possessed healing powers instead of a fatal dose of death!"

"You're drunk," was all I could manage to say as I regarded him, furrowing my brow, as I stared into his earnest hazel eyes, "You're not making much sense, Fabian."

"You know I think I love her?" He mused, more to himself than to me, "I mean, I know I HATE her, but hate is the opposite of love, they must be connected, that must be why she makes me so crazy. Why I curse her with Dark Magic in front of everyone in the damn common room…. Why I act so irrationally around her… What's wrong with me, Andy?"

I wanted to tell him "You're the one on the wrong side, that's what's wrong with you, you clueless fucking prat. How DARE you confess you LOVE me? You know nothing, NOTHING, about me and I'd sooner make out with the giant squid than your blood traitor lips!"

But as that was obviously unacceptable, I smiled and said softly, my eyes never leaving his own, "Why are you confiding all this in me?"

"Why not?" He shrugged simply, and glanced at my half empty mug, "Oi, are you drinking that?"

"Yes I am!" I laughed, taking a large gulp of the burning liquor and finding myself unable to resist as he smiled sheepishly, "And I think you've had quite enough!"

"You can never have enough of the two following things: Gryffindor pride and firewhiskey!" He laughed and as I regarded him, I felt a rush of repulsion and pity crash over me, the force of it so powerful I shook my head to try and shake the emotions out of me before I vomited on the table or scooped him up into some sick twisted form of an embrace.

He had gone and on about how he wished I was on the right side. I realized, my repulsion mounting, the pity I felt came with the sickening desire for HIM to switch sides. I actually thought "If ONLY he was in the DEY, if only he knew the truth of it all, could see through the lies of his family and friends"

How could I look into Fabian's eyes and desire something for him other than an untimely and painful demise after all we'd been through? How could I wish for a BLOOD TRAITOR to see the light? How could I wish for someone so despicable and ignorant to work with me instead of be crushed by me?

I tried to shake off the feeling, quite literally jerking my head back and forth. 'It must be the firewhiskey' I told myself, trying to rationalize my treacherous emotional response to Fabian's confession of love and hate. 'It must be the firewhiskey, it must be some unknown and evil ingredient within the burning liquid that changes the very composition of our being…' I decided, biting my lip so hard I tasted blood.

"You all right there?" He asked, looking at me with concern, and I felt myself shudder. I had never known his face could even show an expression that delicate and kind.

I felt my hatred for him grow, simply because he made me doubt that hatred momentarily. I hated feeling sympathetic and my sympathy grew into rage.

"I-" I found myself speechless and hated him, and the firewhiskey for confusing me so, "My heart hurts."

"Heart?" He frowned

"I mean head," I frowned as well, quite certain I had intended to say 'head', for my head was throbbing as I battled the millions of different emotions at once.

"Want some fresh air?" he asked, pointing out to the window where the rain poured harder than ever against the glass, the song of the rain against the window had quickened and sounded angry now, furious even.

"There doesn't seem to be much air out there, but if I need some fresh water, I'll let you know," I tried to smile but was certain it came out as a grimace.

"I want more to drink," His face fell into a mock-pout, "let me!"

"I don't think you should," I advised him curtly but before I could stop him, his quick hands dove into my robe's pocket and stole the flask, but before he downed it, he took a sniff and his gleeful expression of triumph fell, "What in the name of Merlin's beard is this?"

"It's MINE," I said, grabbing the flask immediately, my cheeks and heart darkening, "Didn't you ever learn any manners? Don't grab, don't steal-"

"That's a potion, not alcohol," His wits were not nearly compromised enough to doubt what he had seen inside my flask. My heart sunk, missing several beats before I recovered.

"You're drunker than you think, Fabian-"

"I know what I saw, honey," He sounded strangely amused, "You want to know what I have planned next for Bella?"

"Pardon?" I could feel beads of sweat forming on my furrowed brow as I tried to feign innocence.

"I think it's time you and I get some fresh water, _Black_," He emphasized the last name and his lips twisted into a smile I did not recognize. A smile that exuded no warmth. A smile I mirrored as I regarded him.

"No, thank you"

"Don't make me summon that goddamn flask, Black," He said, his voice dripping with a controlled sort of sweetness that put my senses on high alert. I swallowed hard, "That isn't pumpkin juice or firewhiskey. If you ask me, it's a delightful batch of polyjuice. Now, I could be wrong, but whatever it is, whoever you are, I know it's something you do NOT want me to summon here in front of this table of people who will NOT like whatever it is that you're doing. Now stand up and walk outside, or face your crimes in front of 13 people instead of before one."

"Do not threaten me, you do not understand-"

"No, the problem is I understand more than I should," His smile widened knowingly, "You look frightened."

"I most certainly do NOT-" I snapped, lowering my voice as the anger in my tone mounted

"You look an awful lot like Bella when you get that attitude," He smirked, all too aware as his eyes narrowed, "You sound like her too. In fact, you haven't been acting much like yourself all evening, have you?"

"I always act like myself, who else would I be?" I replied evasively, downing my firewhiskey, my eyes scanning the room for the quickest exit as the liquid burned my throat.

"I think we both know," He stood suddenly, and for a moment I thought he was about to summon the flask and instinctually I gripped it tightly in both my hands through the pocket of my robes.

"Come quietly and that will be quite unnecessary," He whispered as he bent down, his lips so close I could feel his breath on my neck.

I stood up beside him, shaking so much out of anxiety (not fear, never fear), and shuddered as I glanced through the rain spotted window at the absolute down pour the night had been reduced to as I followed him across the stone floor covered with a layer of mud and dust.

"Where are you two going?" Sirius called, "the party isn't over until I say so! And I say it's never over!"

"Are you mad?" Frank joined in, "It's pouring out!"

"Is ted all right?" Gideon asked nervously, craning his neck to see us by the door that creaked as Fabian swung it open.

"We're going to check on him, since we're a bit tired anyway," Fabian lied easily, "We'll see you lot back in the common room for the post celebrations!"

The table called out their various good-byes, and I waved in response, praying my smile seemed genuine as I followed him into the bitter rain.

"Follow me," He said simply and walked several paces before me. Uncertainly I walked behind his quick pace; the only sound was our feet against the soft mud and the rains drops forceful landing upon the village of Hogsmeade.

"Where are you going, Fabian?" I called out, my voice muffled in the rain, as he bypassed Honey Dukes.

"Hogwarts," he answered unhelpfully without so much as glancing back.

"This isn't the way we came-"

"I'm aware," he responded, his voice barely audible over the rainfall.

We walked several more minutes until I realized he was intending on walking straight up the front steps of the castle, judging by his linear path towards the school.

"It's after curfew-"

"We'll be fine," He answered without explanation. I fought the urge to avada kedavra him right there and trudged along in his wake under the endless fierce rain drops chilling me a little more with every reluctant step I took towards the school that loomed in the distance, a black silhouette against the gray sky.

"Do you even have a plan?" I demanded as we entered the grounds and I caught up with him, infuriated by walking behind his quick paced figure.

"To walk off the alcohol before confronting you," He shrugged, his hair wet and clinging to his damp face. As he came to stop on the edge of the school grounds, and the edge of the small wizarding village we left behind us. He looked so very young, as I'm sure I must have as well, all of our facades washing away in the cold spring downpour as we stared at one another, children for a moment, drunk, cold and confused.

"I'm Bella." I said simply. He didn't react. He knew. I had known he knew.

"I'm Fabian," Was his only reply as he continued to stare at me blankly.

"Now what?" I asked, feeling dizzy from the cold and the firewhiskey and the gray landscape that surrounded us on all sides, a dismal back ground for this strangely honest moment where we stood soaking wet and alone, freezing together alone. I felt nothing, not fear, nor anxiety at that moment. I just felt the cold, the numbness that was creeping over me.

"Do you feel like dueling?" He asked casually, as if he was wondering If I'd fancy some pumpkin juice.

"Not really," I answered honestly, shrugging my shoulders indifferently.

"What did you hope to find out exactly?" He asked, "What information did you hope to get?"

"What your next plan against me was, so I could protect myself I guess, or beat you at your own game," I replied, blinking the raindrops out of my eyes and hoping he wouldn't confuse the rain that streaked my face for tears, "Maybe it was an ill-thought out effort. I just didn't want to end up kidnapped in your bloody common room again-"

"Look, this is WAR," he paused, and then a siege of insanity seemed to overwhelm him, crash upon him like an angry wave against the shore, "Come with me!

"Come with you?" I repeated, shaking my head with incomprehension, "Where?"

"You saw today what it would be like if you were on our side!" His eyes were lit up in a frenzy, "You saw the truth and the beauty of it all, the warmth you feel from righteousness! Come with me, atone for your previous sins-"

"You're a blood traitor and you speak of nonsense!" I screamed, but my voice was lost in the wind.

"Join me!" He clasped my hands in his own which I tore away instantly as though his touch had scalded my skin, "join us! Repent, repent! It's not too late, it's never too late-"

"YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF A LOOSING BATTLE!" I shouted, this time over the roar of the wind and he faltered, looking as though I slapped him, the rain drops streaking his face, his eyes wide and surprisingly innocent before me, "I AM ON THE PATH TOWARDS ALL THAT IS JUST, AND PURE, AND RIGHTEOUS AND YOU STAND THERE, TIED TO THE TRAIN TRACKS BY YOUR OWN IGNORANCE AND MISCONCEPTIONS! JOIN ME, OR LET THE TRAIN TEAR YOU TO PIECES, FABIAN PREWETT!"

"I-" He stuttered, drunk, soaked and confused, shaking his head, as though trying to shake away my words and the truth they articulated, "I hate you so much"

"I hate you too," I whispered softly, rain drops on my lips, falling into my mouth and eyes

He grabbed me by the shoulders and took my lips with his own. Before I knew what I was doing I flung my arms around his shoulders pulling his muscular, tall frame, close to my small and slender body, every curve of ours meeting as our lips locked, rain on rain, skin on skin. His arms clasped around my waist.

Crying, and knowing he'd never know for the excessive rain fall, I pushed him away, my hatred for him doubling.

"YOU MADE ME FORGET MYSELF!" I shouted, hysterical now,

"THEN YOU SHOULD THANK ME FOR MAKING YOU FORGET THAT YOU'RE A MONSTER FOR A MOMENT!" He had lost his cool as well, his face red and furious under the pouring rain, "I HATE YOU, BELLA, I HATE YOU!"

"FUCK YOU!" I stomped my foot on the ground, splashing mud upon Andy's robes, and hoping the gesture seemed vicious and not that of a whining child, "FUCK YOU FOR THIS! I HATE YOU SO MUCH, YOU MADE ME BETRAY MYSELF AND I WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS!"

"Bella, there are so many reasons you want to kill me, I hardly feel bad adding another to your growing list," he snapped, a wild smile on his lips, "This was your chance!"

"My chance?" I scowled at him, breathing heavily

"YOUR LAST CHANCE TO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOUR LIFE!" he screamed, pulling at his hair with both hands, "THIS WAS IT: LOOK AT IT DYING NOW! THIS WAS YOUR CHANCE TO BE FREE, TO BE INNOCENT, TO BE HAPPY! TRULY HAPPY! LOOK AT THIS RAINY NIGHT, THESE MUDDY GROUNDS, THIS FACE YOU CLAIM TO HATE SO MUCH! THIS WAS THE MOMENT THAT OFFERED YOU SO MUCH MORE! THIS WAS YOUR FINAL CHANCE TO TURN AWAY FROM LIES, TORTURE AND MURDER-"

"I DECLINE, I DECLINE!" I drew my wand as I shouted, "TAKE YOUR CHANCE WITH YOU WHEN YOU GO! I DON'T WANT IT, I DO NOT WANT IT! I CARE NOTHING FOR YOUR CONFESSIONS OF LOVE AND HATE! I CARE NOTHING FOR YOUR CHANCES! I HATE YOU, I HATE BLOOD TRAITORS, I HATE MUDBLOODS, DON'T YOU SEE? YOU'RE POLUTTING OUR WORLD, YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING! YOU'RE TAKING ALL THAT IS PURE AND BEAUTIFUL AND STAINING IT! YOU TAINT ROSE PETALS AND MAGIC AND LOVE AND BLOOD AND-"

"and you spill blood, you crazy-"

"-AND YOU TAKE THE BEAUTY OF MAGIC AND THE PEFECTION OF IT AND YOU GIVE IT AWAY TO THOSE WHO ARE UNWORTHY AND DOWNGRADE THE WIZARDING RACE TO SNIVELLING ANIMALS BARING WANDS-"

"You are out of your mind!" He called, laughing like a mad man as he turned from me, "You are crazy and there is no hope, but know this, Bella: I gave you a way out, I showed you another path, a PURER path, and you walked along, down something darker. May you rot in Azkaban or hell for all your sins that you stand by as though you're some sort of saint!"

"YOU'LL SEE, FABIAN, YOU'LL SEE RIGHT BEFORE YOU DIE HOW WRONG YOU ARE!" I breathed, in and out, in and, out, but could not for the life of me catch my breath-" CRUCIO!"

He fell, his knees buckling under him, his voice escaping his lips in agonized screamed, and as quickly and abruptly as I started, I stopped, and walked, furiously and quickly towards the castle while he regained himself, standing shakily in the mud that now covered his face, hair, and robes.

"Bella!" He called, his voice an echo in the wind.

I turned around to see him with his wand held high and brace myself, my own wand grasped tightly in my hand, so tight the wood dug into my palms painfully, though I hardly noticed.

"You go on home and tell the DEY this: It's not only you, Bella who should sleep with one eye open!" He flicked his wand and the ground fell out from under me, I slipped ungracefully into the waiting mud, but carelessly regained my balance, un phased by the childish spell that could hardly compete with the cruciatus curse I had inflicted upon the blood traitor, "And Bella, while you waste away in Azkaban, remember today as the day you CHOSE that fate, the day you gleefully accepted and empty and worthless future as the price you pay for your prejudice and cruelty!"

"That's not a very nice thing to say to a woman you love!" I jeered from across the grounds

"You will be sorry, one day," He sounded so sure of himself as he turned and walked back down the road in Hogsmeade.

"No," I replied, quite assured in my belief, "No, I won't."

And with that I raced towards the castle doors, nearly slipping again several times. I downed more polyjuice, knowing I had long since returned my own appearance. Once I was safely under the guise of Andy I walked through the castle doors, accepting my detention from Filch under the name and appearance of Andromeda Black.

Smirking, I returned to the common room, wet, covered in mud, and wiping furious tears from my eyes.

My hatred, I had decided on the descent towards the green glowing room I called home, had tripled. For as I had screamed at him across the rain soaked grounds, my voice faltering slightly in the winds, he had made me betray myself, and no higher of a crime could ever be committed, than to coerce me into committing treason against my loyalties and beliefs.

Fabian Prewett would die. And he would be mine to kill.

I did not, I DO NOT, blame myself for the kiss. It had been the firewhiskey, the time spent away from my friends and comrades, the time behind enemy lines had affected me more than expected. I kissed him to shut up, I reasoned. I kissed him only so I coiuld reject him after, I rationalized. But no reasons or rationalizations could override the truth, the painful truth that I had kissed him because I had wanted to. He had made me want to. And for this, he must die. And he shall. One day under my wand, he will regret more than kidnapping me, or hexing me. He will regret loving me.

I explained to Lucius, Roddy, Severus, Dolohov, Reggie, and Rosier that the mission was only minorly successful. I had excused myself for bed after relaying any information I'd gathered, that Fabian thought he loved me, that he was spinning on attacking all of us, and that the Gryffindors all appeared to be alcoholics,.

Now, in the wake of tonight's events, I feel a lingering sense of doubt clouding everything I once knew myself to be certain to. How could I falter so? How could I betray Roddy? Betray the DEY? Betray myself?

For penance I will remember this day as long as I live, and I will destroy Fabian Prewett and destroy whatever part of me remains bendable and fragile. I will destroy everything that allowed for tonight to happen. And I will fight for the rest of my life for the values I hold so dear, and this night will be naught more than a smudge on a golden cauldron. It will be nothing more than a speck of ash in a handsome marble fireplace. It will be over shadowed by all the good I will do for the Dark Lord, and for Dark Magic, and for myself.

I will remember and I will repent.

And I will destroy.

For I was weak and enjoyed a night spent in the company of my sworn enemy. I walked a mile in another's robes. I betrayed myself.

I solemnly vow that all the evil that tonight awoke within me will be extinguished. Whatever evil flame alit in my soul will be burned out by the righteousness in my veins, the truth in my conviction and the power in my spirit. I will repent, I will repent. And I will destroy.

Love always,

Bella

Author's Notes:

I'd really like to thank all my readers & reviewers =] you make me happier than you know! All of youuuu! You're wonderful, really.

Now I apologize for the length…. Or was it not TOO long? I don't know, but I hoped you enjoyed it.

Sneak peak for what the next few chapters hold….

"The Dark Lord himself?" Roddy repeated with awe

"No, his second cousin," Lucius rolled his gray eyes, but even in his sarcasm, the anticipation and pride lingered in his drawling voice.

"When?" pressed Reggie, his eyes hungry.

"The first night of summer," Replied Lucius, his voice strained with emotion he didn't know how to express, "The first night of summer…."

"You're all about to discover what the saying 'All is fair in love and war' truly means," The Dark Lord exuded power from his voice, the light behind his eyes, the very air he breathed, "For your lives consist of both, and they are very much the same. We fight the war we love. We love the war we fight. Now who among you has the strength of heart and mind for love and war? Who?"

"DON'T YOU DARE-" Roddy's voice was caught in his throat

Fabian merely smiled as he paced around us, my heart beat the only sound beside Fabian's soft footsteps echoing on the stone floor, "Bella, tell him about the chance I gave you on that rainy spring evening…. Tell him you CHOSE this…"

"Fuck you!" I seethed, the extent of my hatred too vast to be put into words as I regarded his cruel expression.

"I do hope you two enjoy Azkaban, I really do…"

The light was fading now, we could see from the dark windows in the dining room as a house elf squeaked in, lighting the candles upon the chandelier as the table sat in silence. I was wondering who would speak first, who would speak last… though I already knew what would be said…

"So," It was Lucius's voice that broke the silence, "Loyalty to one means betrayal to another. What a puzzle for our Bellatrix, what a puzzle indeed."

"You really never stood a chance," Rosier smirked at Roddy, enjoying the weight of the moment, the weigh crushing my heart, "Not really, not ever…"

"Or perhaps, we are misreading the situation," Lucius smiled viciously, "Maybe its Bella who never had a chance…"

Please read & review =] and most importantly: please enjoyyy!


	34. Unrequited

May 1st.

Dear Diary,

I keep remembering my 9th birthday, clear as day light in my reluctant memory.

Andy woke me up in the morning eagerly, through the process of throwing open my bedroom door, ripping the curtains from the windows to allow in the streaming morning sun, and then proceeded to jump onto my bed, half on top of me, her elbow crushing my hand, and then planting a frustratingly adorable kiss on my cheek. I almost yelled at her, but couldn't help but laugh as she proclaimed I was the best sister in the world, yelling out happy birthday, much to mother and father's frustration, for "Ladies never raise their voices"

Ha.

But that morning keeps rolling through my mind, in vivid details down to the flowery scent of her hair and the dimples on her cheeks.

And I almost miss you, Andy. Almost.

But you denied me and Cissy, and mother, and father, and you denied us in FAVOR of a mudblood.

And these thoughts in my mind and these feelings in my heart tell me I will be able to fight valiantly in this war, for this is all that matters.

And that chance Fabian presented me with, the chance to ruin my life, to embrace failure, mediocrity, and lies? It has fuelled me even more to defeat him.

The end of the school year draws ever nearer.

It's going to be a glorious summer. The sun will, in all probability, be shining brightly on the world as it prepares for war. But we will hide away in the darkest lairs with the darkest magic.

My heart skips a beat.

The time to bid farewell to the safety and scrutiny of this castle fast approaches. The days are short, but the seconds drag by.

Soon enough.

Love always,

Bella

May 10th,

Dear Diary,

The DEY meetings are about all I have left in this dull castle. The lessons are almost too easy. The essays are monotonous. Slughorn is encouraging me to become an auror. McGonagall insists I write for "Transfiguration Today" upon graduation to combine my love of transfiguration and writing.

How hilarious is that? ME fighting AGAINST the Dark Lord? Or ME writing about how to transfigure you cotton table cloth into silk, I think I'd rather sit here and die.

I have a penchant for hyperboles, but in this case, I really don't even believe myself to be exaggerating.

So the DEY is the last stronghold against the boring routine of my educational career. We have been reading, endlessly and tirelessly of the darkest magic. And practicing the imperious curse at least once a week. I think I'm a natural at it. This seems to make the rest of the group fairly nervous.

"Sweet Salazar, is it normal to pick up on an unforgivable curse with that sort of ease?" Reggie looked as concerned as he did impressed, his eyes following Rosier who had been ordered to bang his head against the hall, and did so with surprising agility and confidence. After the collision, a strange empty smile remained on his face, though his eyes seemed unfocused. I flicked my wand and an expression of pain replaced the blank smile and out of his lips he cried in pain and shouted vulgarities in my general direction. I was too busy laughing to reply. Reggie and Roddy couldn't help but smirk.

"Imagine you with the cruciatus curse after a bit of practice," Lucius added as he passed by, and I thought I saw everyone within ear shot, save Roddy and Barty Jr. shudder ever so delicately.

"I can't wait to learn that one," Barty said in naught more than a wistful whisper.

"There's something so beautiful in pain," Roddy didn't even bother trying to suppress the smile that crept on his handsome face as he spoke, "There is something so poetic in the tragedy of suffering, and something entirely enthralling in the ability to create that pain and suffering, as if pain and suffering is an art, and we are the artists…"

"Uh huh," Lucius chuckled and went to aid Rosier who continued mumbling obscenities in a carrying voice as he clutched the side of his head that had collided with the stone wall.

But it was the most recent meeting, the meeting my quill is burning to detail, that I have saved for last:

It began with Lucius's announcement, that he made before the group yesterday evening.

Before he spoke he wore upon his pale visage a look of such irritating pride I wanted to crucio him on the spot. This feeling subsided as his words spilled out of his eager lips,

"It seems the Dark Lord would like to welcome us this summer, and welcome us with a mission. He will be enrolling those of us he deems worthy into an outer circle of the Death Eaters, with thanks to my father and Rabastan Lestrange who have been recommending us to the Dark Lord for months now, since our interaction with him this winter."

"The Dark Lord himself?" Roddy repeated with awe

"No, his second cousin," Lucius rolled his gray eyes, but even in his sarcasm, the anticipation and pride lingered in his drawling voice.

"When?" pressed Reggie, his eyes hungry.

"The first night of summer," Replied Lucius, his voice strained with emotion he didn't know how to express, "The first night of summer…."

"How will we prepare?" Asked Amycus Carrow, a mix of hunger and anxiety in his voice.

"What will the mission consist of?" Reggie called out, his eyes wide with wonder, "Do we have any clues? Any guesses? Any farfetched possibilities?"

"Whom among us will he be welcoming?" Severus asked, his expression difficult to read, but I saw the twinkle in the depths of his charcoal eyes, "And where?"

"And what does 'outer circle' mean?" Crabbe frowned, his deep voice resonating from somewhere in the back.

"Questions, questions, questions," Lucius still wore a grin, that lit up his face, his paleness seemed almost radiant in the green glow of our dungeon common room, "We will prepare like the warriors we are with the few weeks we have remaining. The mission is thus far entirely unknown, all we need to be aware of is that it will serve the Dark Lord and open the doors to our futures. As for who will be participating in this honor above all honors? That choice will be rendered by the Dark Lord himself after he receives us on June 21st, it will be his mission, and thus his own personal selection of warriors shall be the lucky few who embark on a quest to honor themselves, their families, and the Dark Lord, to whom we pledge our allegiance, through life and death, he is our master from this day forth. And as to the location, we will be notified only two days before the meeting, for security reasons, as the rest of the wizarding world is sadly deluded into thinking he is the enemy over their precious mudbloods and dirty muggles. And finally, the outer circle means, quite literally, we will not be his inner circle, we will not yet be honored as his closest followers are, but this is our chance to prove ourselves, prove our faith, our loyalty, our strength, our power and our devotion, and Now-"

Lucius summed glasses of firewhiskey from what appeared to be thin air, but were surely from the kitchens, and they fly into each of our waiting hands, "and now we toast! To the light that shines in the Darkest of magic! To our blossoming futures! To the Dark Lord!"

"To the Dark Lord!"we chorused, and each took a hearty sip of our awaiting liquor.

And thus with a toast, and a looming adventure, my life begins.

Though it feels as though everything is on pause while I wander restlessly through these halls. The stifling boredom of life without the Dark Lord is almost crushingly tangible. And Roddy doesn't know why I seem so vacant, but it is because I am waiting for the summer to fulfill me with all that I need and all that I dream. And with this summer plan looming ever closer, everything else pales in comparison, the springtime sunshine, the taunting of the Gryffindors, cuddles in the common room. It is all so commonplace and I know I was meant for so much more.

And so now I wait for this 'so much more' to manifest itself into more than my dreams.

Love always,

Bella

May 15th,

Dear Diary,

Everyone is boring. All they want to do is study.

I get better grades than Roddy and Reggie WITHOUT studying, but they hardly have time to daydream with me and fantasize about the summer mission. Mission unknown, I've taken to calling it.

"There's no way he'll pick Rosier, right?" I asked Roddy as we lounged by the common room fire yesterday evening, our textbooks laid out before us, Reggie, Dolohov, Severus, and Lucius were seated behind us on the green couch before the fireplace, all absorbed in their studies.

"huh?"Roddy frowned, glancing up from his charms book, "No, I doubt it. But it's his choice… want to practice color changing charms, Bells?"

"No, I want to practice the imperious curse-"

"Firstly," He smiles, an affectionate and very nearly exasperated smile, "The Imperious curse will not appear on any of our exams, and secondly, Bella, you do not NEED to practice that bloody curse, because you've taken to it like hippogriffs take to flying,"

"Yes, well I'm just as talented with color changing charms, I want something challenging-"

"Like transfiguration?" Reggie asked hopefully, "Because I can't get the hang of this human transfiguration thing-"

"No, no, no, like dark magic!" I snapped, irritably, "Human transfiguration is simple, the key to transfirguration, and the Dark Magic, well to ALL magic really, is that you have to MEAN it, if you really MEAN a spell it will just…. Come to you unless you're a mudblood Hufflepuff, then I guess nothing can help you."

"I do MEAN it!" Reggie protested in frustration, and flicked his wand at his transfiguration textbook and turned it into a balloon, "See, I have no problem with regular transfiguration-"

"What do you need to transfigure yourself into for McGonagall?" I asked, trying to be patient. He was only a fourth year, I reminded myself.

"For McGonagall?"He shrugged, "Nothing, this is 5th year stuff, I just want to learn it."

I stood up and embraced him, smirking, "You really are my cousin,"

And with that I walked towards the door of the common room without a word of explanation.

"Where are you going, Bella?" Roddy called out, tearing his eyes away from his homework momentarily to gaze at me while I lingered in the door frame.

"I don't know yet," I replied honestly, "But you're all as boring as flobberworms. I need to take a walk."

"Don't get into trouble, for Merlin's sake," Lucius called out, without looking up from his potions essay, "Use common sense or logic for once in your life and don't do anything reckless."

"I don't promise the impossible," I smirked and glided smugly through the doorway, resisting the urge to stick out my tongue at him.

My feet carried me around the castle. Along the corridors with the suits of armor, along stairways, and by the potions class, and Flitwick's office.

I was nowhere and everywhere.

They say not all who wander are lost. But I was certainly lost.

As I wandered on, without a destination, so I realized perhaps I wasn't lost… can you be lost if you have nowhere to be? Or perhaps just being nowhere defines the concept of being lost? Unless you intended to be nowhere, then you were right at home.

So these were my endless thoughts as my feet lead me further and further into nowhere.

And it was then suddenly, I heard footsteps. Not an unsual occurrence in my wandering, for students had been scrambling to and from the library and common rooms at frequent intervals. But these footsteps were occompained by a voice I knew all too well. Two voices I knew all too well.

And so I followed Gideon and Fabian Prewett at a distance I deemed safe as they walked, with a firm sense of purpose I so lacked on this fine spring evening.

"Auror training?" Fabian sounded both proud and anxious, his voice echoing down the corridor I followed them through, the portraits on the wall gazing at me suspiciously as I charmed by footsteps not to echo against the stone.

"I've been accepted, isn't it wonderful?" Gideon's voice oozed sincerity and pride. I wanted to vomit. And McGonagall wanted ME to be an Auror? With the likes of Gideon Prewett? As if. I'd rather sit here and die.

"It is, of course, you know it's my goal as well… I just can't help but worry-"

"Do not worry for me, worry for the Death Eaters I go up against," I could hear the smile in Gideon's voice from 10 feet away.

Fabian laughed appreciatively, "Ted has been begging me for ages not to become an Auror…. He thinks it's too dangerous. That it gives Voldemort- yes, I'm not afraid to say his bloody name- that it gives him another excuse to target our family, and Molly needs her older brothers-"

"Molly needs to be able to be proud of us, we are not Slytherins, we are defenders of our family and how else better to be prepared to defend those we love than as warriors in the art of defense and honor?"

"Have we always been so idealistic?" Fabian mused.

"I think we've gotten more so since meeting the psychotic Death Eater Youth," Gideon chuckled, "They've inspired us, they've given us a tangible foe to work against. We should thank them."

"Oh yeah, I'll send Bellatrix and Lucius a nice basket of cauldron cakes. But the delivery man is going to be a dementor."

"We've discussed this, Fab, The Death Eater Youth members do not-"

"Do not have souls, yeah, yeah I remember-"

"You remain convinced, through all your logic and hatred, that Bellatrix Black isn't pure evil, don't you?" Gideon sounded almost pitying and I almost walked straight into a suit of armor, I became so distracted by the turn of conversation.

"No, I think she's evil," Fabian sighed heavily, "And I hate her, if possible, more each day. I just wish it were different."

"I don't know if I agree, she's a bit insane, I don't know if I'd want her on our team," Gideon's voice was teasing and as they began to ascend a familiar flight of stairs I realized we were headed for the owlry. I kept my distance, straining my ears as their footsteps nearly drowned out the sound of their receding voices.

"So you'll send your letter accepting your position as an Auror in training and I'll send my letter recommending Bellatrix for Auror consideration, and we'll agree to disagree," Fabian seemed to be laughing and I walked slowly behind them, entering the staircase now, my footsteps silent and my face hidden in the shadows behind them.

"And what do you hope to accomplish?" Gideon asked, his voice more curious than disapproving.

"to watch her disregard it with a laugh and to be able to finally give up any last hope I had in her-"

"Unrequited love, man, its killing you."

"More so than this endless war," Fabian laughed dryly, "At least my hate has been requited. And its mutual. How lovely."

"if you become and auror and that nutter becomes a Death Eater, you might really have to kill her one day," Gideon said slowly, gently, "Could you?"

"If there's any part of her soul and heart left to be killed," Fabian said, half heartedly, "I mean to say, I don't know. Could I kill anyone? Could you kill anyone?"

"If it's me or them?" Gideon paused as they reached the top of the stairs, the heavy wooden door to the owlry before them, but they stood for a moment, immobile before it, "I'd rather be strong than weak."

"You mean?"

"if that is the only way to bring peace, then I will play my part in war," He sounded saddened by his words, "And you Fabian? Could you murder in the name of peace?"

"I guess we'll find out," Fabian's voice was heavy. 

"But not her?" Gideon sighed.

"Probably not."

"Gryffindors are supposed to be brave…"

"Being in love with a monster makes me the bravest man I know."

"Amen to that."

And with that they disappeared.

I nearly fell down the half flight of stairs I'd walked up in my stalking of the Prewett brothers.

And as I walked back down I couldn't help but laugh. He loved me? No, he LOVES me?

And he could never kill me?

It almost takes the fun out of the chase.

Which gives me a new goal. To make the chase fun again.

I was going to make Fabian Prewett fall out of love with me. Just so when I kill him, It will be a true victory.

And now, operation, Kill Love… How to begin?

But begin it will.

Kill his love, to kill him.

And to break his unrequited heart… what a pleasure that shall be.

Love always,

Bella

AUTHOR'S NOTES: your reviews all really inspired me to keep writing, though I've been busy with work and internshipping, so thank you so much for the much needed boost and inspiration.

Please keep reviewing, it really does make me happy and make me feel like the story is worth writing =]

I love all you readers, I hope this chapter was enjoyable… and as you can see… the next chapter should be an exciting one…. Involving Fabian and Bella… and then the chapter after that… well its time to become reacquainted with Voldemort!

Thank you, I hope you're liking it !

Your author


	35. Operation Kill Love

May 20th,

Dear Diary,

The concept of becoming a Death Eater involves one growing to glean one's strength and nourishment and, their very life from death. The death of the inferior.

Now to kill a person, to commit the act of murder, is an art which has been practiced since the beginning of time, an art which one can research and adopt and learn with time. It is a tangible practice.

But how does one kill love?

The intangible and impossible, all that is love…

If everything I had already inflicted upon Fabian Prewett wasn't going to murder whatever twisted feelings in his twisted heart, what would?

And the months we had left at Hogwarts for the year had dwindled down to weeks, which had dwindled down to mere days left in the sanctuary of the castle, which meant time was running out if I wanted Operation Kill Love to be in effect before the blissful months of summer descended upon us.

It started in the Great Hall, as all of our days do here, with porridge and the Daily Prophet and discussion about the forthcoming day's events.

But today, with plans and malice in our minds and veins, discussion was halted and replaced with avid staring towards the Gryffindor House table.

"Will the mail come already?" Rosier sighed, "It usually comes the second I start to eat my porrigdge and usually letters end up swimming my bowl."

"Fascinating story," Lucius drawled sarcastically, his eyes fixated on the unexpecting Fabian Prewett who sat with Gideon and Justin chatting animatedly, about one could only assume was their love of muggles and the best ways to betray their pureblood heritage.

It was then that the daily swwoping of hundreds of mail carrying owls erupted into the Great Hall, hooting loudly and affectionately nibbling their owners hands as they presented them with newpapsers, care packages, letters, and

Howlers?

The red envelope fell, in a deceivingly innocent fashion, before Fabian, who gulped uncomfortably.

The smoke it begin to emit could be seen from the Slytherin table where we sat, oopressing our smiles with extreme difficulty.

"I thought your parents were dead, Prewett, who'd be sending you a Howler?" Reggie called out, malicious laughter bursting behind his every word.

"FABIAN PREWETT, I WOULD HAVE NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO BEHAVE SO RECKLESSLY AFTER YOUR PARENTS HAD BEEN KILLED TRYING TO MAKE A BETTRE WORLD FOR YOU! ALL OF THESE DETENTIONS, KIDNAPPING SLYTHERIN STUDENTS, DUELLING IN THE CORRIDORS, AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH A GIRL WHO PROCLAIMS HER LOYALTY TO THE DARK LORD! WHEN I GOT THE LETTER, I WOULD HAVE NEVER BELIEVED IT, BUT MOLLY CONFIRMED IT, BEGRUDINGLY, AND NOW I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU CAN EXPECT TO SPEND ALL SUMMER UP IN YOUR ROOM, WITHOUT YOUR RUDDY BROOMSTICK!"

The hall exploded into laughter, except for McGonagall who had jumped from her seat and stormed over to the Gryffindor table demanding to know what "KIDNAPPING SLYTHERINS!" was referring to.

"Oh, that's right, you DO have grandparents," Reggie snickered softly.

"That is a start," Lucius was beaming approvingly as McGonagall pulled Fabian to his feet and dragged him roughly by his collar out of the Great Hall where a fresh wave of laughter reissued, and it was particularly boisterous amidst the Death Eater Youth who sat together, grinning under the Great Hall's summer sunshine, in the middle of their house table.

"That's definitely a start," Lucius repeated, sounding satisfied at the outcome of our morning.

And thus, with phase one: Humiliation, out of the way, we decided to move onto phase two of the destruction of love: Confrontation.

We had our chance after potions. Fabian had looked sour and unusually reserved all class period, and he tried to bolt for the exit as soon as Slughorn had dismissed us, but with a quick flick of my wand, he found the door locked, inexplicably.

"Alohamora," I said lazily, capitalizing on the second of confusion that had thwarted his escape. The door swung open, and he had no choice ut to walk through it with Roddy and I.

"Do you hate me?" I asked him, smirking for I knew the truth.

"I'm leaving-" he made to turn down the first random corridor but found a brick wall magically appear in his way, "You're infuriating."

"I'm aware," I smirked, "Now answer my queston: Do you-"

"Hate you?" He gave a hard, cold, laugh, "More than you know."

"You know, hate isn't the opposite of love," Roddy informed him cruelly, his eyes glinting, "Indifference would take that title."

"In fact," I continued, putting an arm around Prewett's wide shoulders as we strolled down the corridor at a leisurely pace, "Hate isn't so different from love at all, is it? Both are passions, obsessions, all consuming, and both involve a need to be in the object of your love and/or hate's life. When you feel that strongly about someone, you become linked to them, your fates become intertwined…"

"You don't see a difference between love and hate, Bella," Fabian hissed, "Because you confuse them daily. You don't love anything, but you hate everything."

And with that, my face flushed, "You have NO idea how LOVE runs my life, love is the very essence of-"

"-Hate." He finished for me and stormed away before I could conjure another wall, for though he could never break my walls down, there were moments he avoided them entirely.

"Leave it to Gryffindors to presume they know more about what lies in your heart than you do," Roddy laughed scornfully.

"He makes me sick." I growled.

"That's the power of blood traitors," Roddy sighed heavily and threw his arm around my waist, hugging me closer.

"My life is love and hate, but I know the differences… Though I do concede there are times when the line grows to be a fine one, certainly. The line between loving the Dark Arts and hating those who oppose me, of course its blurred together, the love and the hate, mingling into one potion of their own, one so powerful I give my life to the war and the cause of the Dark Lord. But I know the difference. All one needs to do is to look into the eyes of the one they love, to know the essence of love is entirely separate from that of its sister hate."

"You don't need to convince me or yourself," Roddy said patiently, hugging me closer as we arrived at the stairwell leading to the common room, "You don't need to convince anyone. You know how you feel."

I sighed. I certainly knew how I felt: Confused and irritable.

Once we arrived in the common room and explained our encounter to the other's awaiting ears, it was Lucius who spoke, most frustratedly as he paced before us, "We have done so much to him already, more humiliation and taunts will do nothing to crush this sick crush he has on Bella. We have to hit him where it hurts."

"The heart?" I smiled.

"Indeed." Lucius nodded, his pacing quickened, "But how?"

"The most dangerous of potions," Severus spoke now, from the back of the common room where he had been sitting beside the fire, "Is a love potion."

"He ALREADY has deluded himself into falling in love with me," I said, frowning.

"He is suffering from a quiet sort of unrequited love," Severus said, walking slowly forward, "But a love potion cannot mimic that true love anyway. What it can do is create a not-so-quiet sort of desperate obsession. He will be struck with it, and humiliate himself in the pursuit of you before everyone and then he will realize how dangerous his feelings are, and resent them, and through resenting his feelings he will grow to resent you. How can one hurt the heart? By making the heart beat faster, feeling more alive, and then to drive a stake through it, through the very core of the spring of the happiness itself."

"Sick, twisted, beautiful," Lucius looked as though he could have kissed Severus, "And how long before we can have the potion, Sev?"

"It can be ready by June first. The incident will occur on the Hogwarts Express."

And thus the planning has begun. And Operation Kill Love will be accomplished by encouraging the very love we plan to destroy. How beautiful tragedy is. How elegant a way to murder the intangible.

I have never been more excited for a train ride.

May 25th,

Dear Diary,

I hate Exams. And they love me. I am certain I did marvelous. But that doesn't give me back my endless nights of studying and all those quills I snapped in my infinite frustration.

I hate exams and they love me. Just call them Fabian Prewett.

6 more days.

Love always,

Bella.

June 1st.

Dear Diary,

A lonely summer's rain poured down on the grounds as we clamored out of the entrance hall, boarding our thestral driven carriages and beginning our journey home.

Climbing aboard the bright red steam engine of the Hogwarts express, I felt a surge of butterflies stemming from anticipation that had nothing to do with the end of the school year or my homecoming. No, but they had everything to do with Operation Kill Love.

The potion had been slipped into his morning goblet of ice pumpkin juice my an first year Gryffindor under the imperious curse. Lucius had him hand over several Galleons and do a cartwheel or two after he completed his mission of poisoning the drink, just for laughs.

The potion, Severus had informed us, would require approximately one hour to take effect. I had been counting down the minutes since that first sweet sip had touched his lips 37 minutes ago.

"It won't be long now," I grinned as Roddy, Lucius, Severus, Reggie, Dolohov, and I found a compartment near the back of the train. We had chosen this purposely, for back here, the conductor was going to be hard pressed to hear the commotion we were certain would ensue.

"Now for some magic we have never pursued before: The transfiguration of love into hate," I breathed anxiously as the train began to roll into motion, the familiar landscape of Hogsmeade blurring by us, "Far more dangerous than transfiguring a pig into an apple orchard."

"Or a human into a cat," Reggie added, surely thinking of McGonagall's animangus powers.

"But far more simple than turning a Mudblood into a respectable witch or wizard," Lucius sneered.

"Well, you can't compare the difficult to the impossible," Severus chuckled.

"You and Evans aren't getting on now, I see?" Roddy glanced up at Severus who scowled, "Had some sort of falling out over that very insult, didn't you? The same day Potter and Sirius took off your pants?"

"Who needs enemies when I have friends like you?" Severus said coldly.

"That's a yes," Roddy sniggered, "Better off anyway, without the likes of her following you around. You have a future and she, well, I suppose she does as well if you count eternity in a cemetery to be a future…"

Severus made a move like he was reaching for his wand, but thought the better of it and let his head fall against the glass which now showed the mountains of Hogsmeade shrinking in the distance.

46 minutes had passed.

"Excited?" Lucius asked knowingly as he caught me glance at the watch on Roddy's hand.

"Perhaps," I smiled slightly, trying to contain myself, "Killing love. It's so very poetic."

"It follows in Death Eater fashion, killing things that poison us and threaten our conquest of blood traitors at the side of the Dark Lord, but yes I see some sort of twisted poetry in it as well," Lucius paused, regarding me strangely, "One would almost think you enjoy other people suffering. One would almost believe you enjoy the decimation of love in place of hate…"

"Almost?" Severus snickered, earning a kick from Roddy who kissed my cheek affectionately.

"Bella loves love, when it is proper love and doesn't involve a blood traitor and a grudge."

We sat in silence for a few minutes then, my heart beating in time with the seconds that fell away in an unusually slow progression.

"57 minutes," Lucius breathed finally. My heart was now surpassing the falling seconds.

I tried to focus on the rain specked window as the train hurtled forward, towards London, towards the future.

"59 minutes," Roddy announced with baited breath.

As the clock struck the hour mark, we all seemed to have stopped breathing, but there was no immediate arrival of Fabian, no shouts of undying love filled the train. Not right away.

5 minutes passed, my anticipation dwindling, dampened by the downpour outside the train windows, I thought I heard-

"Footsteps!" Roddy exclaimed, pressing his ear to the compartment door.

They grew louder and my excitement was mounting again, and quickly.

Voices could be heard now, angry voices.

"What on earth is wrong with you, I knew you had feelings for her but we both agreed they needed to be buried and burned and-"

"I would NEVER agree to such a thing-"

"Fabian, you've een enchanted, bewitched-"

"Stupefy!" Fabian called, blind with fury at we heard Gideon Prewett fell unceremoniously to the floor only inches from our compartment door.

It was flung open aggressively seconds later by Fabian who looked disheveled, as though someone had been forcefully tugging on his robes to restrain him.

"Bella," He breathed love into his greeting.

"Hi," I replied, unable to repress laughter, which he took for an affectionate giggle.

"I cannot bare a summer without your sweet radiance, come with me, we'll travel the world together and-"

"I do not love you," I said, calmly, just as we had rehearsed, "I love Roddy Lestrange. You are delusional and-"

"You WILL love me, you will, just give me a chance-" He looked nervous, frowning deeply.

"I hate you," I said coldly, and stood eye level with him, sickened by the love in his eyes and using my revulsion as ammunition I smacked him across the face as hard as I could. He staggered backward into the door, hitting his head, but the thud of its collision with the glass was drowned out by the laughter of the compartment that surrounded him.

"You do not HATE me-"

"I do," I hissed, drawing my wand and pressing it against his throat, "I am here to teach you the difference between love and a hate, a difference you need to learn. You do not love me. You hate me. You cannot love me, because I hate you. Our fates are tangled together because of hate, not love. And you do not want to travel the world with me, you cannot wish for that because I'd gladly kill you right now, were I able to without the risk of ruining my own future. For I have plans, dark plans that the almighty self righteous Gryffindors would regard as 'evil' because they are too weak to seek out a better future for the wizarding race-"

"You are poison, your words are poison, but love-"

"You HATE me!" I screamed, "CRUCIO!"

If anything could break a love potion, could break a heart, it would be the curiatus curse I thought desperately watching him suffer at my feet. I kept it up for a long time, too long, for he was nearly unconscious when Roddy pulled me back.

I was crying, somehow, "I hate him," I whispered through my unexpected tears.

He crawled out of the compartment then, slowly as Lucius gave him a generous kick to the ribs, and he mumbled in pain, "Bella, you'll never know love, you'll never understand it. You know hate, you know passion, and you confuse the obsession of hate with the purity of love."

And with that I flicked my wand and sent him spinning out the compartment, head first into the door across the train corridor.

"Well, if that isn't poison to the heart, I don't know what is." Lucius said approvingly, chuckling at Fabian's figure slumped against the metal door as he slammed our compartment shut.

"Why on earth are you crying?" Dolohov asked, frowning at me slightly as he peered into my inexplicably teary face.

"I've never killed something before," I whispered, the answer coming out of my lips before I had the chance to think about it.

"Welcome to your future," Lucius whispered back, our tones soft and conciliatory as though we were at attendance at a funeral of an acquaintance.

The journey continued without much chat or banter. I was uncharacteristically taciturn, content to watch the rain baptize the countryside which grew into city side as London drew ever closer.

What a way to begin the summer, I thought, a little dizzied from the day's events, as I met up with Cissy and gave Roddy a kiss farewell, though I knew I'd see him soon. I wrung Lucius hand, and gave Severus a weak one armed embrace and at no time at all we were using side along apparition with our parents and found ourselves at home in the manor.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Cissy asked as we walked up our long spiral staircase to change for dinner, "You look awful."

"Today," I said softly, more to myself than to my baby sister, "Is the first day of my life."

And soon the Dark Lord will give purpose to this new and strange life I live.

Love always,

Bella.


	36. Preview chapter 36 and beyond

Author's note:

I've been busy the past couple years or so, but I just re-read my entire story, and while it clearly needs editing, and less focus on sexualizing Bella, I think that's also how teenage girls tend to perceive themselves, as sexual objectives, and the objectification, while I certainly over did it, I believe served it's own purpose. If anyone is still reading, I have a preview for you all of the next few outlined chapters:

"Bellatrix Black?" The voice from the shadows was cross and crisp, the sound of a winter breeze against silent snowfall, the sound of ice, "Bellatrix Black, are you present?"

I stood from the shadows on legs made of flobberworms and anxiety to face the future I had set in motion since I was old enough to comprehend the difference between love and hate, between living and existing, and as I approached him, head bowed under my dark cloak, he lifted his fingers gently pulling up my chin his thin, high cheek boned face with piercing onyx eyes regarded me for a moment without a clue of intent or his perception.

"Yes, yes, my Lord?" I managed after a moment, dropped to my knees, feeling the stinging of their collision with the stone floor and of my gaze against his own that radiated more than power, that radiated purpose.

"Are you prepared to spend your seventh year at Hogwarts both learning and carrying out tasks to prove your worth as the first, and I do mean very first, female Death Eater?"

"Whatever the challenge you ask of me, it is my honor and privilege to provide"

"Excellent, my little dove," He smiled it was cold, he seemed more animal than human, further removed from his own humanity than I'd hoped or expected as his eyes sliced through the caverns of my being he whispered, "Then I have a very, very important mission for you, and your little playmates- Gideon and Fabian Prewett- and it goes like this…

*…*

"Look, Roddy, these aren't games anymore, you see?" I sighed, pounding a frustrated fist against the hard stone illuminated ni the cool light of the green hallway, "It's not even life or death, it is glory or tragedy-"

"Hasn't it been so for the past two years Bella?" He looked away, eyes fixated on an unspoken corner or nook in the stone that stood tall and steady before his unmoving gaze, "Why is it I think you love him?"

"Love Fabian?" I scowled

"No, For Salazar's sake, you self-absorded irrational cow, - I mean, I think you love the Dark Lord!" His voice was raised but his body remained immobilized as though the Petrificous Totalis curse had been performed upon his rigid frame.

I hesitated, a coldness creeping through veins that were usually warmed by Roddy's presence, "Rod, do you NOT love the Dark Lord, because that is what all these years have been devoted to-"

"Oh, shut up," He still avoided my gaze, his limp fingers twisting into fists, "The first female Death Eater…she'd have to be someone beautiful, brilliant, and desperately, desperately, in love with the Dark Lord, because it's clear he has found no women of value until YOU came along, young, and ambitious, and vicious, and bright-eyed, so, so, hopeful to be the first, to be so bloody special…."

"What precisely?' I demanded now, with a heaving chest and heavy eyes narrowed further, "Are you attempting to articulate?"

"I think you are infatuated with him physically as well as ideologically." He finished, and swift a sense of swift determination he turned to leave, quickly paced his footsteps fell into motion back towards to base of our common room, and over his broad and tensed shoulder he called out, "Maybe, Bella, you don't know what love actually is. And I do hate to agree with the Gryffindors, but what choice do you give me?"

I began to psrint, eyes welling with emotion, cheeks flushed with confusion, after the man I was promised to betroth, shouting in the voice of a strange, with tones of pleading-

"Fabian, my love, please-," I paused, out of breath and syallables, "I need to tell you, I need to just explain-"

*….*

"So when we graduate, Bellatrix, when I join the Order, when Andy and Ted join the order, when you and Reggie become Voldemort's pet guard dogs, what happens?" Sirius was half laughing over firewhiskey and disillusionment, "Do we all kill one another, while Cissy watches in the corner shaking, her bambi eyes wide with panicked tears, while we spill the blood of the most IGNOBLE house of Black? Is that your plan, my charming cousin?"

I took a long swig of firewhsikey myself, watching the mirth and ignorance shining on his drunken sincere face, youthful and handsome despite it's rage and scars, as I replied quite simply, "You were not born on the enemy's side of the borderlines, you were not born into filth, you and Andy were not born without choice, and Siri, it is your choice that makes you less than the flith itself, because they knew or had no other way, but you, you, and Andy, forsake fortune, forsake family, forsake a future, for youthful stupidity and now as adults who cannot undo their transgressions for they are far too imbued in these treasonous ways, it is this very choice-"

"Ph Bella," He hiccupped, "and all those empty monologues, no one listens to you anyway, no one cares. Just shut up and curse someone already, what else are you good for?"

Wand in hand, I swung off the barstool, eyes glazed with animosity and whispered to the night-

*….*

"Another discussion about this, you've got to be bloody mad?" Fabian laughed, though he stopped dead in his tracks on the muddy grounds, the quiddich pitch where he set off to practice within sight but not yet grasp, and faced me with deliberate hostility and vigor, "Why do you keep taunting, or bordering line, begging for me to love you?"

"I'm not BEGGING, I'm amused by the previous displays of obvious obsession and admittance of-"

He cut me off, eyes glinting red in the sunset, "It was an adolescent crush, okay sweetheart? It's not like I've stopped reluctantly thinking you're worthy of a causal wank or two, but it was just something teenagers do, rebel, love the bullshit they should be hating, feel aggressively attracted to taboo women, you're not that much of a stunner, that swift with a wand, or with a word for that matter. You're nothing special, just an easy angst-driven pursuit of unrequited lust, and if you still want to believe that I'm in love with you, of all the witches, and muggles in this world, than go ahead, the fact that you care- well, it's quite the compliment."

"Me thinks thou dost protest too much," I smiled a sardonic twitch of my pursed lips, " You'd have had me expelled if you didn't love me. You wouldn't have been so weak as to use unforgivable curses to to obsess or to-"

"Just fucking kiss me, Bella," He walked towards me then with a curious sort of entitlement, "If you want to know so badly, if you want the sick,, masochistic, validation of knowing without question or terribly inevitable attraction to one another, then just kiss me yourself, I'll bloody kiss you back, I'll kiss the Godric out of you, and I won't even curse you afterwards, because you know why?"

We were close now, magnetically thrown centimeters before one another's quivering bodies in the shrinking October light as he smiled with an air of contentment I resented more within myself than externally towards his arrogant half sincere smirk.

"Wewll?" He pushed closer, leavings and moments swirling by.

"Well.." I trailed off my voice losing itself in a gust of wind before I looked into his eyes with malice and fury and the curse of unholy confusion, "Well…"

He was pressing against me now, expectant, for jinx or jest, or embrace would follow this interaction and he was prepared and indifferent and strong, a Fabian I'd never known before, I weakly, reached for my and the nape of his neck at the same time, uncertain of which to pursue.

The sun seemed to set so soon the aumn, nights filled with longer hours…

*….*

"You're headed towards Azkaban, you're headed towards ruin," Andy was breathing heavily, staring at me from across the gardens where she once too was a blossom of the most noble house of black, her eyes now entrenched in the venom of blood traitors, "You're a Death Eater already, aren't you, my big sister, my Bella? You're a murdered now?"

My smile was painted on all wrong, it was meant to be sugary, misleading, violently sweet, but it appeared tilted, twisted, ironic as I spoke, "I just don't know if I should kill you now, or wait until your wedding day, because that would be a spectacle, right? Make sure you don't wear white, I hear mudblood's dirty little paws stain everything…"

*….*

The night was dark and I was drowned in restless, vividly nightmarish dreams of oceans when Luciiius awoke me past 2 in the morning, his face look ill with unusual pallor and charcoal circles below his ashen gray eyes as he shook me from the confines of an unknown ruin to the present moment, where I snapped awake, anxious and anticipcating.

"We leave now, Bella, you, myself, Roddy, Sev, Reggie, and Junior," He licked his lips and spoke with utmost urgency, "The second group will follow, Rosier, Dolohov, Alecto, Amycus, Travers, Nott…maybe Crabbe and Goyle, and all the rest, they will come in time, but for now, for now Bella I have come to you first, we need to gather the rest of the initial group, we need to meet at my manor before sunrise,"

"What happens at sunrise, Lucius?" I looked up at him, half asleep and half desperate with excitement.

He grinned through tired, chapped, thin lips, and whispered hoarsely "The rest of our lives,"

*…*

"I think The Dark Lord is darker than we knew, Bella," Reggie was pasing back and forth in the hall of our family manor, a haunting in his young eyes, "I've heard things, whispers, echoes, terrors, I think I know something truly….terrifying,"

"Do not speak ill of-"

"Yeah I know!" He cut me off, his voice slashing through my words, "DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE DARK LORD'- Bella, I know your stance on the matter, I have ears and the basic abilities of comprehension, I am merely warning you, you because I care about one of the last people from my childhood still beside me, enough to-"

"I don't want to know," I crossed my arms and glared at him, his figure silhouetted against the blazing fire of the parlor behind his tall frame, where he froze, struck by the indifference of my words, "I don't want to know whatever you know, whatever you find awful, I don't want to know at all, nevermind from my baby cousin still sitting around at Hogwarts, waiting to become a big boy, earn his Dark Mark, and join the elite, I don't care, believe, or have an interest in your meek, empty, useless-"

"BELLATRIX," He fumed, "You've become blind!"

I took one last sweeping look at his figure, shadowed so beautifully by the firelight and shook my head, "Reggie, we're in different leagues now, I will be his most loyal, his most valiant, his most important supporter, I will champion the movement from the first mud blood or muggle imprisoned or slaughtered, to the last whom we find hiding away in the corners of an abandoned home with their abandoned hope, and I will prove to him, to EVERYONE, I haven't been insane this entire time, the entire time of my young life, but I've been a valiant solider in pursuit of honor, glory, power, and the cleansing of our world from utter and shameful fifth."

He laughed without amusement, a barking short scoff, "Are you finished there, Bella? Finished justifying yourself and your precious ideals?"

I scowled, halted at the foot of the spiral staircase, and through gritted teeth I mustered the strength to speak again, "What, goddammit, Reggie, do you want?"

"Honestly?" He was still amused, in a way that infuriated every inch of my being, "Honestyly, Bella?"

I laughed now too, embracing the silliness in that which we hold most dear to our pounding hearts, "Honestly, sure, why the bloody hell not, tell me, Reg, what is it ou are attempting to accomplish?"

"Two things, both simple, both attainable for anyone of normal comptenent thought, easy for you, if you are not too drugged on love and power- stop sleeping with Voldemort and keep your eye out for the darkest of dark magic, magic above murder or torture, magic above all other dark arts,"

"I AM NOT SHAPPING VOLDEMORT-"

*….*

"This is the last humiliating stunt we pull, from here one we become professionals, ladies and mostly gentlemen, so-"

"So, my dear, Mr. Lestrange, you are trying to say- we better make it good," Severus finished Roddys speech before the DEY with a smooth look of contempt on his sallow features.

Roddy nodded slowly, sweetly it would seem had you not known his intentions, "Preciously, Sev. This is our last chance to be children on a mission before we become soilders at war."

"So, how about we don't fuck it up, eh, mates?" Rosier chimed in, scoffing, "Let's make sure they never forget the DEY, because we're all about to stop being the youth,"

"Again, this is precise," Roddy looked beside himself with anticipation as he pressed onwards, "So we are taking suggestions for our final target practice- Let the legicacy die with valor in our name, and disgrace to our enemies, the same ideals the DEY we all know and adore was founded upon"

"I have an Idea," my thin pale hand shot up into the air, "I have a grand idea!"

"Of course you do, Bella," Severus half-tease, with an affectionate roll of his penetrating eyes, "Let's hear it then, if it's so bloody grand…"

*…..*

"Two more hours, we're free, Bella, free," Roddy smiled from the top of the astronomy tower, sparklers igniting in the dark midnight of his eyes, "We aren't bound by anything but our own fear anymore, and you and I, well, we left fear behind in days long ago…"

We kissed briefly, the grounds I knew as home a distant blur of forest, lake, and blowing blades of grass hundreds of feet below my wide eyes, "Goodbye, dear, dear, Hogwarts…"

"We have two more hours, my love," Roddy grinned, a coldness emanating in the sun of the spring sunlight, "Let's go out in style…."


	37. Every Man Gets His Wish

Author's notes: Words in bold are from Lana Del Rey's song "Every Man Gets His Wish"

June 8th,

Dearest Diary,

_***We're forever young in Paradise***_

Watching Lucius and Dolohov graduate should have been inspiring; instead I was riddled with jealousy at their newfound freedom from the chains of childhood that held the upcoming 7th years, like me for example, unwilling immobilized soldiers in our war against impurity in the name of our dearest Dark Lord. Lucius had been boasting in his characteristic drawl for weeks about his upcoming meetings with the Dark Lord, about his official induction, the riches of adventure that awaited him and Dolohov.

It was with frustration the rest of the DEY would listen, Rosier and Nott muttering about "Just wait til I graduate, Lucius is more talk than action, pale faced prat…"

"What was that, children?" Lucius smirked at the pair of them, especially smug, "Sorry, don't you lot have some charms essays to write? I'm busing OWLing my father about my summer… I doubt I'll be around very much, not a ton of time for a YOUTH organization…"

"Oh shut it, Mr. Malfoy," Roddy rolled his eyes, "You know you'll be around to brag and prance about in your big-boy robes,"

Lucius smiled, "Perhaps, if you're all lucky enough"

Severus, only headed into his sixth year, threw his herbology book, and it collided beautifully against the side of Lucius' over-inflated head.

The feast before graduation was an eventful one as the first two members of the DEY were leaving more than the DEY behind them, but a legacy. Thus it was no surprise when we took our exit after absurd amounts of celebratory cuisine that the Gryffindors somehow found themselves all glued to their chairs, or that Dumbledore sighed heavily shaking his head at the snickering Slytherins before undoing the jinx with an exasperated swish of his long sturdy wand.

"I'll let the last prank slide, as long as there are no giant spiders, illicit photographs, or jinxed love-crazy ghosts about to appear," Hesitated flatly, and very pointedly to the members of the DEY.

It was Gideon who caught up to us in the hall, Ted following him, calling out something about "You have the maturity of a baby house-elf!"

"I'm not jinxing them, mate, keep your knickers on," Gideon retorted quickly, over his shoulder as he at last reached Lucius, Roddy, Dolohov, Severus, and myself, all of whom were not particularly in the mood for dueling after the heavy feast and escape of consequence for the seat-to-arse-gluing.

"Okay, what do you want, Blood traitor?" I asked, tapping my foot in impatience.

"Well, I'm graduating tomorrow, going into auror training, and I just want you all to know- I do hope it's me that catches your sorry arses, breaks your wee wands and throws you into Azkaban." He said, eyes narrowed, voice low, as though this threat had any sort of resounding importance,

"Is that all?" Lucius raised his eye-brows.

'You want a longer speech?" Gideon smirked slightly, "Because, you know, if I must I could really say some heartfelt good-byes and reminisce for a bit about our friendship the past 7 years,"

"Did you actually just make a joke?" I scoffed, "Graduation has lightened you up a bit, my orphan nemesis,"

"Whatever, Bellatrix," Gideon laughed, "See you all the in the real world. With real duels. And real consequences,"

As he walked away, meeting Ted, Frank, and Fabian who shot us looks of exhausting contempt, we burst into laughter, walking back towards the common room.

After several bottles of firewhsikey, the Slytherin common room resembled more like the Hogshead and less like anything resembling a room that should be found in a school.

"And then," Lucius was regaling Narcissa and her other third year friends with the story of Fabian getting the jelly and hippogriff feathers poured over him on the quiddich match, "He just comes to a halt, right there on his broom, looking like the chicken-squawking blood traitor he truly is-"

Roddy and I were sitting by the fire when a couple of second years approached us, two little girls, so small in their stature, more like babies than pre-teens, eyes wide, reflecting our impressive silhouettes against the flames.

"You're Bellatrix Black," One of them said softly.

"That is correct," I replied uncertainly, exchanging perplexed looks with Roddy who shrugged.

"My name is-"

"Okay, honestly honey, I don't care- what is it that you want?" I demanded, irritably, I had been enjoying the burn of the whiskey and listening to Lucius and Dolohov entertain the others with the stories past, feeling nostalgic as the night seemed to be burning itself out through it's late hours at an expediated pace.

"Oh!" She squeaked anxiously, "I was just wondering- I mean- all those stories about you, and your jinxes, and your Dark Lord club, and your random romantic triangles, and your wanting to be a future Death Eater, I mean, is it all true? It makes you sound like a made-up character….Is it all true? You'd be a great book, you should write one about your life,"

Thinking of you, my darling diary, the essence of my heart and honesty, I smiled slightly, "Whatever you've heard, little one, multiply it,"

She and her friend both smiled up at Roddy and I, and suppress it as we tried, I grinned back, "That's bloody cool,"

"I think so too," I conceded with a wink, "Now go play, or whatever kids do these days. Just remember- don't talk to mudbloods or muggles, do well in school, and um- don't do anything I wouldn't do"

Beaming, the two girls returned to a game of wizard's chess, occasionally glancing up at Roddy and I with admiration in their little bambi eyes.

"Don't do anything you wouldn't do…" Roddy repeated my last piece of advice with a chuckle, "That doesn't rule too much out, my love,"

And with a kiss, we slowly fell asleep by the fire on the velvet embrace of the fireside sofe, Lucius talking somewhere in the background

"And he actually, in front of everyone, made us tell us something no one knew about us, and it's all boring stuff, except all of the Prewett's clothing is red and gold because they wank off to Godric Gryffindor, and James Potthead wants to start a band…"

The fire crackled, Narcisssa laughed like a bell, and all became soft and calm and disappeared into slumber.

The day of the train ride back Lucius, Dolohov and the other graduating students had sailed off, literally across the lake, against the blazing June sun, into their futures, leaving the rest of us school children to board the crimson Hogwarts express for, in my case, a final summer of adolescence, the summer of my 17th birthday, and the beginning of my career- or so I hope.

***Gonna see it all before he says goodbye**

**Every man deserves to see the sunrise**

**Every man gets his wish**

**Every man gets his wish**

**You told me this**

**Where is mine?***

It seemed the very second the train's engines ignited and began the journey towards summer skies and midnights, Fabian appeared, beside him Frank Longbottom. Both young wastes of wands and time stood boldly before my compartment which included Roddy, Junior, Severus, Rosier, and Reggie.

"You know, I wish I could say I was surprised here, but you morons always seem to think train rides mean battles, which- you should generally remember- we tend to win," Roddy began, in one of his monologue moods, eyes flashing with annoyance at their snide expressions, " So we're going to insult your blood traitor lifestyle, probably mock Prewett's lack of parents, remind Fat-Longbottom he's a disgrace to the pureblood status and the wizarding community in general. Then, in retaliation, because you can't control your impulses for even a moment to realize you're acting like a child, you'll probably throw some weak hexes our way, call us evil, tell Bella she's a bitch, tell Severus to wash his hair, then we will, in return, jinx the living fuck out of you, then you leave, we'll clean up the compartment and discuss how entirely predictable and sad the Gryffindor house truly is,"

"That sounds pretty damn on point, Lestrange," Severus smirked, and regarded the Gryffindors with a roll of his dark, tired eyes, "So must we commence or can Roddy's summation of the events replace the actual battle scene?"

"Because, you incessant prats, we have firewhiskey and we're trying to celebrate Gideon Prewett's soon to be coming death in peace," Rosier piped up with a smirk

Frank, in warning grabbed Fabian's wand hand that immediately stretched towards his back pocket, "We aren't here on those terms, though you have the art of storytelling well done, you might want to brush up on your diviniation, because we only come bearing a message, you slimy gits,"

"Deliver it then, Longbottom, and then get out of our sight, your stinking up our compartment with your flobberworms breath," Reggie urged, and then added brightly, "And make sure to tell Sirius mum is going to kill him and put his head up on a plaque by all our old dead house elves, who are, by the way, better looking than you two pieces of blood traitor scum,"

"I'll see if I can remember the precise wording, but I'll tell him what your mum would like to do with his decapitated head," Frank sneered coldly before continueing, "My message is this, we have one more year at Hogwarts, let's try not to spend the entire damn 7th year in detention. I know you sick, twisted, creeps will certainly not cease your reign of terror of the school, but we all can agree to try and avoid entirely open, and obvious incidents that might hurt our futures or just, in general, muck up our final year. Keep our hostilities…private, that's all we're saying,"

"And I was bewitched, I don't fucking like Bellatrix," Fabian spat vicously, "In fact, she's the most repulsive excuse for a witch I've ever even heard of, and I look forward to the day she dies, preferably slowly and-"

"Yes, yes, you can rant about that all day, sweetheart," I smiled up at him, "Or you can go find some other poor girl to stalk and lust after, maybe she won't despise you for being a worthless-"

"Bella," Roddy cut in sharply, "Please, if he isn't worth your time then stop reacting to him."

"Same to you, mate," Frank mumbled, kicking Fabian in the shin.

"Right, so we will be as secretive and vicious as possible in regards to all future episodes of discord," Roddy said loudly, clearing his throat, "So you can leave and go wank off to Potter and his snitch and Dumbledore's beard now, alright, blood traitors?"

"You can go wank off to Voldy-Moldy's mother," Fabian hissed, and before I could hit him with whatever curse came to mind first, Roddy held down my wand arm firmly, and they departed, slamming the compartment door in their brisk exit.

"HOW DARE HE-" I burst out, breathing heavily.

"Yes, disgracing the Dark Lord is awful, but Bella, we're working with more subtle war tactics now, don't be drawn out, that's a Gryffindor weakness. We will be actual Death Eaters in a year, my love, it is time we commence to behave in a manner worthy of their respect, full respect, not indulging in childish antics-"

"We do it FOR HIM, to show the school not only our power, but the power of the Dark Lord-"

"We shall continue to do so, but not by open dueling, my love," Roddy insisted, and so when we departed that day, to meet again soon, our minds were all racing with war blue prints and silent chaos.

I recall thinking in reverse at one point, looking backwards as the train sped us towards the next chapter, I recalled an autumn evening when I was ten years old, Andy and Sirius both 9, while the younger Reggie and Cissy sat inside with their enchanted baby broomsticks, the three elder of the Black family children were wandering through the garden despite the chill that hung in the November sunset.

"_What if we're in different houses?" Sirius asked, while I was attempting to count the days that comprised the last year and a half before I would enter Hogwarts, "Like, what If I'm in Ravenclaw?"_

"_You're a dimwit, Siri, you're not going to be in Ravenclaw," I laughed, nudging him into a nearby oak tree, "Maybe you'll be a sad little Hufflepuff,"_

"_I will NOT be a Hufflepuff!" Sirius said in outrage, glaring at us, "But…what if I'm in Gryffindor?"_

_Andy and I both exchanged dark looks, and shaking my head, pulling my cloak closer to me as the dusk seemed have evolved into evening and the winds turned bitter._

"_No response?" Sirius rolled his eyes, 'Okay, be like our mums then and just ignore a question if you don't like it,"_

"_Okay, look, Sirius, what is your last name?" I signed, stopping our walks around the garden and facing him angrily._

"_Hmmm…that's a toughy, I just can't seem to remember…" He said in a voice of faux-contemplation,"I think it's a color, like Green? Blue? White?"_

"_Black, dammit, your last name is Black!" I shouted, stamping my foot the way ten year olds do when their friends and relatives tease them in times of importance, "And to what house does every member of the Black family get sorted into?"_

"_What about uncle-"_

"_We don't count the ones cursed off the tapestry, Siri," Andy reminded him with a small smile, "So don't mention them, Mum will get Kreacher to spank you again."_

"_You swore never to tell anyone about that!" He hissed as we wandered towards the porch where mum had made an enternal fire in a cauldron which we hovered around warming the frost from our bodies and the edge of our voices, while I giggled "Kreacher? He spanked you-"_

"_Look," He seethed through gritted teeth, "I really don't want to talk about it,"_

"_Well he's going to need a more sturdy broomstick if you dare get sorted in Gryffindor, little baby cousin of mine," I smirked._

_Andy giggled, "Yeah, Kreacher will need to start working out for that beating, he should do some push ups-"_

"_You guys aren't funny," Sirius looked sullen as he rested his small hands over the fire, glancing up at the night sky, "Wanna get the telescope and find our constellations?"_

"_Yes!" Andy jumped up grinning, "And we can debate some more, even though we all KNOW Andromeda is the coolest! It's in my room, I'll go grab it!"_

_She dashed into the French doors that lead from the porch to the dining room, and disappeared from the view of the window panes pristine glass moments later while Sirius and I stood close, the fire crackling and breeze swirling the fallen leaves of autumn across the gardens._

"_I think our parents are nutters, I don't think I want to be a Slytherin," Sirius said in a hushed tone after a moment, his eyes avoiding my own, tracing the pattern of the dancing flames before us, "I don't think I like our family very much-"_

"_Gee thanks, COUSIN," I snapped, kicking him hard in the shin._

_He flinched, "Salazar's Snake, blimey, you are strong for a girl," _

"_I learned it from Kreacher," I smirked, sticking out my tongue._

_He laughed, and ran his hand through his neatly combed dark hair, "I didn't mean that I don't like you or Andy. Cissy is ok. Reggie is a little git-"_

"_Don't talk about your brother-"_

_He waved his hand dismissively, "No, he's a git and you know it too. But I don't like any of our parents, or their friends, or all the stuff they talk about, like they're boring, they're not good for a laugh and they never listen, and I just…I don't know,"_

"_Stop being difficult," I sighed, "Siri, one day do you want to be alone? On the wrong side of the Slytherins and our parents? That seems so silly. You were born with so much, don't be difficult."_

"_And do you always just want to be a little Slytherin princess, blabbing about blood status, and whether or not Salazar and Gryffindor were REALLY friends, and never asking if there's more to being a witch or wizard than that?"_

"_I said don't be difficult," my voice had a tone of finality, "We're all going to be in Slytherin. Don't talk nonsense, being all ungrateful and weird…"_

"_You want more too," He pressed quietly, "You want more than the life of our mums, they're bored that's why they're so filled with hate…"_

"_I can be in Slytherin and not bored, I promise you that," I assured him as Andy bounded out the door, telescope in hand, smiling broadly._

"_We'll see," Sirius mumbled under his breath as Andy set up the telescope on the table by the fire, humming to herself, her favorite childhood song "Hippogriffs can play quiddich too" a wizarding classic, while I decided to let the matter go, but watched my cousin wearily in the dark, his eyes seemed further away than the night sky we were surveying,_

***You said I'd never make it out of here alive**

**At the rate I was going- I'd be lucky to die* **

Lucius has sent me one owl in the past week, his neat script offering nothing but his cryptic glee

"Dear high ranking members of the DEY,

Freedom is glorious. To actually serve our cause, to put our wands and souls entirely into the namesake of our youth organization is every bit as fulfilling as you all can imagine. His glory exudes from every syllable he speaks, from every hiss of fury, or smile of success. I have been officially inducted, and soon, perhaps, we shall all meet and I may be able to explain more, but at the present I am quite busy with duties and obligations. I am so full of purpose, and I do want you all to know, soon, soon, we shall all stand in the hallowed circle of his presence. Be safe, don't do anything absurdly reckless, and bide your time- the war is coming.

Best Regards,

L.M.

I sit with nothing but books on dark magic, a headache, and a heartache for the building future that looms with such promise, but seems to grow further from my reach as opposed to closer with each day I spend lazily with Cissy or Roddy and our companions from the DEY but every day feels like I'm just in an endless history of magic class. I just want the future to come alive, not tease and glitter months and months away from being a tangible reality.

We drink firewhiskey in mine or Roddy's or Reggie's manors, bored and daydreaming, Severus practicing his potions, Reggie drunkenly ranting about his brother and how pureblood girls are prudes, Roddy quietly reading his Dark Arts books, Rosier making sarcastic comments or harassing our house elves, Crabbe and Goyle occasionally knocking things over. I drink until I fall asleep. Sometimes we sneak out, wasted on suppressed excitement and firewhiskey or Reggie's mum's mulled wine, and hex muggles, break their powerlines, or those "car" things with the wheels because they can't even ride a damn broom. Sometimes we whisper about Lucius, wondering, guessing, laughing. Sometimes we're all silent; the world becomes a waiting room.

**We're gonna party like we're running out of time**

**Getting drunk and going fast on cherry wine**

**Never do belong to anyone I find**

**Leaving everything I ever knew behind**

I lay in my bed after Roddy and I make love, while he holds me, feeling strangely empty. He, like Hogwarts, sometimes just feels like something holding me back from my own glory and beautiful tomorrow. I love him, I do, and he's so content with me, so many whispers of adoration, gentle caresses across my cheeks and waist, promises, and wedding plans, discussing children and house elves, and speaking in poetry about his love for me, and sometimes I'm immersed in young love

But sometimes I just lay awake, feeling….restless….without my purpose.

Alone.

The minutes are so long, and the actual days so fast, coming and going with no progress.

But the days will keep passing, and I will keep growing so that when the prison sentence of childhood and schooling is behind me, I will be prepared to embrace this purpose with full preparation.

**Every man gets his wish**

**Every man gets his wish**

**You promised me this?**

**Well you lied**

Love always,

Bella

Author's notes: well, if y'all are still reading, I'll still be writing ! enjoy


	38. In the Land of Gods and Monsters

Authors Note:

Words in **bold** are lyrics from Lana Del Rey's song "Gods and Monsters" . Happy reading!

"_**In the land of Gods and Monsters**_

_**I was an Angel**_

_**Living in the Garden of Evil"**_

June 22nd,

Dear Diary,

I am 17.

I am a woman. And I can charm, curse, hex, transfigure, conjure, anything I want whenever I like.

I have a date with the DEY at the Hogshead, and apparition lessons to attend to. Wish me happy birthday, you and I, my lovely leather -bound heartfelt diary, we have been together for many years now.

Love always,

Bella

July 1st,

Dear Diary,

It has been quite a week, and turning 17, becoming of age, has been just as exhilarating as I had known it would, from the moment I felt the tracker of childhood lifted from my impatient existence, I was free, the nightmares I have sometimes have of endless oceans seemed meaningless, I have a wand and a purpose, and my fingers have been tingling with magic, magic that flows through my pure vein, being in my heart, behind every smile, every slight movement: I am magic. PURE magic.

So to celebrate the glorious 17th anniversary of my birth, I invited a select group of friends to rendez-vous at the Hogshead to make merry and discuss how best to make the remainder of the summer at least vaguely useful. I used floo powder to arrive, sadly still practicing my ability to apperate, before a group of my waiting comrades. After a few rounds of firewhiskey and a special bottle of house elf made mulled wine from 1945 (Lucius's gift, which he presented smugly),

"It was just laying around the manor anyway," He drawled casually, "I thought we could use some special nosh as it is the day Bellatrix Black is officially unleashed on the world, so we all know it's all going to be more chaotic than the Hufflepuff common room when they actually win a quiddich match,"

"Right," I laughed, "This is the first we've seen of you since graduation, speaking of the world getting chaotic… how is everything?"

He smiled pointedly, "Drink up, Bella, we'll chat business later,"

"Indeed," Roddy nodded, cleared his throat and addressed the group of Slytherins, Collecting their attention from their various side conversations including the riveting debate taking place between Rosier and Reggie that was in regards to whom would beat whom in a fight of Hippogriff versus a baby dragon.

"You're interrupting something quite important, Lestrange, my mate," Reggie laughed,

"No, the dragon would obviously win, it just has to hiccup flames, you gits," Roddy rolled his eyes

"No way," Rosier cut in harshly, "It depends on what TYPE of dragon, like the horntail and fire ball have a better chance the lame Welsh-"

"okay, okay," Roddy laughed, breaking up their disagreement one more time, "That can wait one moment before we all toast to the reason we're out here getting bloody drunk together-"

"Is this like a special occasion or something?" Reggie smirked, "I thought we were just here for the firewhiskey,"

"Oh haha," I kicked him under the table with a grin,

"I propose a toast to Bellatrix Black, my beautiful, slightly insane fiancé, who has just turned 17, joining the ranks of Lucius, myself, and Dolohov, who are currently able to perform magic outside of school, and so do anything we don't like, prepare for some jinxes," He grinned, the table of my favorite fellow DEY members smirking and clapping, "So as Malfoy here said- the world is going to be a lot more interesting with Bella as free as a Hungarian Horntail in the wild. Let us all wish our favorite Slytherin princess a happy 17th birthday!"

After a another few rounds of drinks and choruses of "Happy Birthday" we had become quite intoxicated, Severus , Reggie, and Rosier were all describing in vivid detail how they would torture and kill Sirius, James, Lupin, Pettigrew, and Fabian, while Dolohov and Lucius whispered suspiciously in the corner, and Roddy and I were happily discussing the chances of the Slytherin quiddich team with Nott, Junior, and the Carrow siblings.

It was with an unexpected and severe looking frown that a black owl dropped a piece of silver parchment into the trembling hands of Lucius Malfoy, who exchanged dark glances with Dolohov, and immediately the parchment vanished into silver whisps of smoke. The two men whispered something to the owl, who flew away with a dark elegance, and except for the sound of drunken swigs of firewhiskey, the bar went silent, cold, ominous.

It was Roddy and I who Lucius approached as Dolohov whispered me a brief farewell with an awkward happy birthday and one-armed hug, scurrying out into the summer's midnight streets.

"Mate, what's-"

"Listen, Rod, I can't explain now," Lucius whispered cryptically, "You and Bella will hear from me very, very soon."

"I want to now NOW, it is my BIRTHDAY-" I hiccupped, pouting over my smudged glass and looking into the depths of Lucius's eyes, which were narrowed in either anxiety or anticipation.

"Bella," He interrupted with an uncharacteristic gentleness, "I will see you late this evening, go home within the hour and wait, It will make all other birthdays you've had or perhaps ever will have pale in comparison to this, just….trust me,"

I furrowed my brow, his words seemed to echo but the source of them lost in the caverns of intoxication and excitement, I felt hollow, waiting to understand, my heart beat quickened but my words seemed impassionate as I managed to reply, our eyes still locked together, "I'll leave within in the hour,"

"I can't give you an exact time, but this parting will be a brief one," Lucius said, kissing me on the forehead, and whispered, "happy 17th Bella, welcome to tomorrow,"

And with a handshake to Roddy and a swish of his impressive green silk cloak he vanished into the star-freckled darkness.

"What in the name of Merlin was that all about?" Reggie asked, eye-brows raised high, his voice uncertain as the entire table fixed their uneasy gazes towards Roddy and I, "I mean, I know Malfoy has a flare for the dramatics, but what just happened?"

"We, uh, don't exactly know ourselves, but we should all leave by 2am," I responded, feeling at a loss for words and meaning, floating a bit from drinks and curiosity above the mundane litany of questions.

"Is it about the Dark Lord?"

"How did that letter just disappear?"

"When will we know what's going on?"

"and just was have Lucius and Antonin been up to since graduation?"

"Is he a Death Eater officially?"

"Have you all met the Dark Lord?"

"SHUT UP," hissed Roddy violently, the ancient bartender with his dirty tangled hair and beard even stopped wiping grimy glasses with a filthy rag in slight surprise at the bite in Roddy's voice, "All of you, SHUT UP! These are not matters we openly discuss anywhere in any state of mind, nevermind drunk in a bar where anyone could hear us-"

"There's only us and some goats!" Called Rosier irritably.

"And the bartender, and who knows if this place is being watched or if someone is outside or anywhere!" Roddy glowered at him, and lowered his voice, "For all you know the Bartender is like Dumbledore's cousin or a Potter's great uncle, we can't just advertise this shit, you little Hufflepuff first year gits!"

"Fine, fine," Rosier rolled his eyes, "Can we talk about the topless photots of Bell then? Since it's her birthday we should pay tribute to her various contributions to the DEY-"

I pulled out my wand with a wink, "Say anything I don't like, I curse the words 'I love Godric Gryffindor more than James Potter likes mudbloods' and I curse these words on your bloody forehead,"

"Such a little minx," Rosier laughed and the table slowly came to life again, the bartender sending us casual glances from his station, seeming more watchful than my intoxicated eyes would have liked to perceive.

"_**You've got that medicine I need: fame, liquor, love**_

_**Give it to me slowly**_

_**Put your hands on my waist**_

_**Do it softly**_

_**Me and God? We don't get along so now I sing-**_

_**No one's gonna take my soul away"**_

We travelled back to our respective manors, Roddy handing me a small piece of paper before I hopped into the green flames of the floo network, whispering to be, his low voice barely audible above the crackling of the slow gentle fire, "I love you, Bella,"

"I love you two," I grinned, feeling the comfort and embrace of the hot dancing flames, before whispering my destination into the sparks and shadows- "The Black Manor"

Before I succumb to a fire whiskey induced slumber, I made my way up our spiral staircase, handsomely carpeted in a deep Slytherin green, with silk silver trimmings. The house was dark and childhood, my family, the idea I was "Home" felt distant, almost foreign in the black of the second early morning hours of adulthood. Surely, these were not the stairs I had once saved Sirius from falling from, surely not the same steps Andy and I would take, hand-in-hand, singing about Owen The Owl and Belinda the Baby Banshee, laughing, and arguing over who would be a better Slytherin prefect, dressed in little emerald dresses, adorned in our matching Black family rings, which read in velvety script "Toujours Pur".

There were not the steps I used to travel towards my room every day dreaming about the next time I would see Lucius Malfoy during our brief and torrid love affair.

These were not the steps I walked with innocence and niavete.

Not that night.

Similarly to my early adolescent and pre-teen years I collapsed onto my bed thinking about Lucius Malfoy, but no longer with wide puppy-love struck eyes, instead with heavy lidded and exhausted hope, hope that he would bring with him tidings of greatness.

It was then, musing about what Lucius meant by this trumping all birthdays in the past and future, that I recalled, with a hearty yawn, a a sleepy jolt of guilt the slip of parchment Roddy had bestowed with me before I exited the Hogs Head.

I reached a heavy, tired hand into the pocket of my robes, retrieveing the official announcement, cut out beautifully, of our wedding in the last week's addition of the Daily Prophet.

It was my bedtime story as inebriation and the darkness stole my consciousness.

It read,

Prominent Marriages: A Tale of Young Love (by Rita Skeeter)

"In a year's time we will be celebrating the wedding of Rodolphus Lestrange and Bellatrix Black. They will be officially betrothed June 29th of next year, and in the meantime now as young Miss Black is of age, we can announce their engagement! Both young students will be entering their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in September where they are popular, academically prestigious, and ambitious final year students of the Slytherin House (See page 4 for my information of the TRUTH about Gryffindor versus Slytherin and how Godric was no 'God').

This reporter had the opportunity to discuss the upcoming marriage with none other than Young Rodolphus (who goes by Roddy to Bellatrix)

RS: How are you feeling about getting married so young? Is your family accepting of this decision?

RL: I'm nothing but thrilled, blimey, Bella is the one and I just know it. And my family is pleased, as is hers, we are having a respectable pureblood marriage.

RS: Now, now, Roddy, there is a lot of talk about you Slytherins being prejudice-

RL: Oh! Of course, and I apologize most deeply. I did not mean it in a prejudice manner, only that it is respectable to our parents specifically because the older generations has value, but not a strong bias, in regards to that issue. Any marriage, half-blood-muggle-born-pure-blood-quib-, it's all fine by me, I believe in love, as I think most people- Yes, yes, Rita my dear, even us Slytherins, believe in.

RS: That was quite touching! Bellatrix is a lucky young woman!

RL: I like to think so too!

RS: So what are you giving her for her 17th birthday which is this week?

RL: My family tiara, bearing the Lestrange crest. I hope she wears it on our wedding day.

RS: That is as sweet as pumpkin pasties and chocolate frogs! How will you present this amazing gift?

RL: I'm going to show her this article. She's not much of a newspaper reader, so hopefully, she'll see this for the first time and know, just know, how much I love her.

RS: Young romance at it's finest! And, what with all the havoc and rumors, do you and Bellatrix plan to do after school, being such excellent students?

RL: Well, Bella wants to be a writer, and she will be a brilliant author, and of course, raise our little feisty children we plan to have shortly after graduation while I move on to hopefully work for the ministry.

RS: And there you have it! A story of love to dispel ANY AWFUL LIES Gryffindors are telling about the Slytherin youngsters- they are every bit as kind as the rest of the school, and through young love, and bright futures, we can all assert the value, and importance of the Slytherin house, not as Dark Wizards, but any wizard (But with a touch more ambition, of course!)

RL: Well stated, Rita!

And so there you see the power of love still transcends the rumors of hate, bullying, and violence in Hogwarts, and specifically, these cruel untrue exaggerations in regards to the noble and ambitious house of Slytherin (again see page 4 for…)

The night was dark and I was drowned in restless, vividly nightmarish dreams of oceans when Lucius awoke me past 5 in the morning, his face looking ill with unusual pallor and charcoal circles below his ashen gray eyes as he shook me from the confines of an unknown ruin to the present moment, where I snapped awake, anxious and anticipating.

"We leave now, Bella, you, myself, Roddy, Sev, Reggie, and Junior," He licked his lips and spoke with utmost urgency, "The second group will follow, Rosier, Dolohov, Alecto, Amycus, Travers, Nott…maybe Crabbe and Goyle, and all the rest, they will come in time, but for now, for now Bella I have come to you first, we need to gather the rest of the initial group, we need to meet at my manor before sunrise,"

"What happens at sunrise, Lucius?" I looked up at him, half asleep and half desperate with excitement.

He grinned through tired, chapped, thin lips, and whispered hoarsely "The rest of our lives,"

"_**In the land of Gods and Monsters**_

_**I was angel**_

_**Looking to get fucked hard"**_

I clutched the slim muscles of his arm as he was able to take me with him to apperate to his handsome manor, it's stone, ivy and glamour obvious even as we walked from the front of his long cobblestone entryway.

"Why did we not apparate inside the building, Lucius?" I asked uncomfortably as we walked in silence towards his entryway.

"Charms to prevent that," He mumbled, mostly to himself, "Don't ask questions right now, Bella, just follow me. You'll be pleased, I assure you."

I swallowed hard as we threw back his heavy stone and painted glass front doors into a dark foyer and empty corridors were he lead more towards the parlor, it was alit with low burning black and green tapers, his mother and father seated on the sofa lost in inaudible conversation. Dolohov was alone in an elegantly crafted golden and silk chair by the brick fireplace, staring at the wall, the portraits of the Malfoy dynasty, his eyes empty.

"Sit," Lucius said heavily, "I'll be back with the others before sunrise,"

"Lucius-" I licked my lips and looked up anxiously, "Is he coming?"

He met my eyes significantly and gave me one, hard, swift nod of his pointed chin, and disappeared into emerald floo fire. Abraxas Malfoy asked his wife to excuse herself and sat like a statue for a few moments before the familiar faces of the DEY began to appear from the depths of their fireplace: Roddy, his brother Rabastian, Severus, Reggie, Rosier, the Carrows, and Nott.

They all came in their night clothes, looking bewildered to terrified to delighted depending on which moment you were to glance at one sleep-deprived visage to another.

Lucius came last with Travers, another lesser known DEY member he hurried into the fray of sitting and standing peers whom he at last addressed,

"The Dark Lord will be arriving to see us, yes, a group of utterly worthless teenagers in about ten minutes. You will show him the utmost respect, he asked me to arrange this meeting on his behalf and if you get me in any sort of position where the Dark Lord and all his inifinate power are displeased with me, I will use all the Malfoy money from centuries past to have you killed or sentenaced to lfie in Azkaban, do I make myself clear?"

His voice was unusually cold, his father nodded from his silent place on the furthest couch where he sat alone, hands folded intricately in his lap, eyes fixated on the blazing red embers of the fireplace, as Lucius continued, : "The rules are as follows, break them and pay a penalty you cannot afford: Do not speak unless spoken to, when spoken to always bow and kiss the hem of his robes, refer to him always and only as the Dark Lord, or Master. Do not move, speak, change expression, barely even bloody breathe while he is regarding and speaking to each of you- you worthless children, because he will not adhere to it. If you are spoken to, fall to you knees, kiss the hem of his robes, refer to him in the correct terms, and do not lie, he will know. Also, do not speak more than necessary. Also, do not boast, offer opinion, or smile unless he is saying something in jest. Are these rules understood, mates?"

There was a murmur of unanimous agreement around the room that was now filled with the exhalations of the most frightened and enthralled adolescence in the magical world.

Minutes and heart beats ticked away as sunrise approached, glowing through the wide picture windows, spilling into the room, igniting the evening into dawn. This is when he appeared, the first inclination of his arrival was the sound of the front door opening, and then we listened with expectant ears for footsteps or rustlings of cloaks, but he must have glided with effortless grace, for not a single soundnwas registered among us again until he opened the heavy oal of the parlor double doors, smiling through thin handsome lips over white teeth with a pallor unparalleled, and hair and eyes so dark and pristine. He was perfectly put together, a man 25 years my elder who looked as young and as vibrant as any youth I'd ever seen. Though there was something altered about him, something twisted in the slant of his almost-perfect cheekbones, something stolen from the depths of his eyes, something strange in the frost-bite of his smile. But his handsome exterior was astonishing, breathtaking, thin and perfectly crafted, dark, tall, swift, strong, and no actual imperfections on his shockingly young features. I almost forgot to breathe.

"Hello, my children," He said, smile still painted in place as he swept across the room taking in all our faces with those winter-eyes, "I have come to make your acquaintance, decide if you are worthy of calling yourselves the 'Death Eater Youth', and ask those of you whom are of age to join my little army, you may have seen us in the news, we are growing in infamy with each passing glorious new day,"

He paused and turned to Lucius expectantly

Anxiously Lucius cleared his throat, "So, those of you whom are of age: Rod- I mean Rodophlus, Amycus, Bellatrix, and Dolohov, please step forward, he would like to examine you briefly while your younger counterparts stay back, still the children of Slytherin, not eligible for further ranks as of this time,"

The four of us stumbled forward feeling as though we were being summoned, our legs moved with rigid intensity.

"Bellatrix Black?" The voice from the shadows was cross and crisp, the sound of a winter breeze against silent snowfall, the sound of ice, "Bellatrix Black, are you present?"

I stood from the shadows on legs made of flobberworms and anxiety to face the future I had set in motion since I was old enough to comprehend the difference between love and hate, between living and existing, and as I approached him, head bowed under my dark cloak, he lifted his fingers gently pulling up my chin his thin, high cheek boned face with piercing onyx eyes regarded me for a moment without a clue of intent or his perception.

"Yes, yes, my Lord?" I managed after a moment, dropped to my knees, feeling the stinging of their collision with the stone floor and of my gaze against his own that radiated more than power, that radiated purpose.

"Are you prepared to spend your seventh year at Hogwarts both learning and carrying out tasks to prove your worth as the first, and I do mean very first, female Death Eater?"

"Whatever the challenge you ask of me, it is my honor and privilege to provide"

"Excellent, my little dove," He smiled it was cold, he seemed more animal than human, further removed from his own humanity than I'd hoped or expected as his eyes sliced through the caverns of my being and he whispered, "Then I have a very, very important mission for you, and your little playmates- Gideon and Fabian Prewett- and it goes like this…"

_**I don't really want to know what's good for me**_

_**God is dead and I said baby that's all right with me**_

_**No one is going to take my soul away**_

_**Headed towards a fucked up Holiday"**_

"You will, by the end of this year, kill them both. You will kill them together. They will be alone in their family's home, and you will be invited as a potential recruit for the Order of The Phoenix. You will spend this year continuing to quietly terrorize the unworthy on behalf of the DEY, but you will convince the Prewetts you are open minded. They are vulnerable when their guard is down but a violent, threatening force against my rising army. You will be their Achilles' heel, my young soldier, and you know what your reward shall be, for this devoted service?"

I opened my mouth to speak but found for one of the first time's in my history the words were stuck like glue to my mouth, I could only shake my head and close my dumbfounded lips in uncertaintly as he smiled again, looking at me more kindly than I'd imagined his face could regard another as he spoke, "You must think perhaps I'll allow you to join the Death Eaters? To be a woman, not a little girl with her textbooks and Slytherin sweaters, but a woman inducted to the greatest Dark Army the wizarding world has ever seen? Is this the prize you would expect?"

I was uncertain if I was smiling or merely scrunching my face in doubt and fear, but found it within me, within the knowledge that this was a moment I had stretched towards, my life arching towards this first meeting for years, "Yes. That would be what I would hope for in return for my service."

He bared his perfectly white, sharp smile, "I will grant you an honorable induction to the Death Eaters, my first female, my young heroine, you will not only become a Death Eater and my loyal servant, but I will train you personally, you will become my prodigy in the Dark Arts. I will teach you all of which I know that can be taught. That is, if you complete your mission. Would you like to ask Lucius what happens if you fail your first trial mission?"

I shook my head, smiling now earnestly, "I am not Lucius. I have no interest in his punishments for his failures will not be my own,"

The Dark Lord laughed, content but without true mirth, "They said you were bold."

"It is a trait I am commonly associated with, My Dark Lord," I said softly avoiding his eyes respectfully.

"Clearly," He laughed and others laughed with him as I felt his fingers, spidery icicles, across my chin, reach to pull my eyes and face level with his own as he bent down to where I rested on my knees aching against the hard varnish of the Malfoy's wooden floors, "Little one, accomplish this and you will be most honored, a standard I will expect of you. You know why you will be our first female, shall your task be accomplished or you admit to a proper punishment?"

"_**When you talk it's like a movie and you're making me crazy**_

_**Because life imitates art**_

_**If I get a little prettier can I be your baby?**_

_**You tell me- life isn't that hard"**_

I was hypnotized by his deep irises, they were just a shade lighter than his pupils, as I forced the bravery to reply with breathless syllables, "I do not know, My Lord"

"Yes you do, Bellatrix Black-" His eyes saw through my own and images swept vividly past, the photographs, the removal of clothing, the forced kisses, the cruciatus curse, the moments with Gideon, the break between Lucius and myself, the sweep of female-specific insults hurled like jinxes "bitch, slut, princess, whore, cunt" a wave of unwavering agony. I nearly fell back when it ended and his voice penetrated the present reality again, "Yes you do, Bellatrix Black, and I shall need to teach you Occlumency. Would you like to explain why other women do not belong here? Or perhaps why you are my first exception, dear Slytherin Princess?"

His voice was mocking and I was confused, almost angry, as I kneeled there searching for words to undo the chaos he had seen from my very aggressively charged adolescent career, "Because I fought for it,"

"Pardon me?" He was standing again, looking down at me with a rigid expression.

"Because," I insisted gasping for breath and syllables, "Because, I've been fighting this war while other girls walk away, while they pretend all is well and that they take no responsibility for the future of our kind. Because I comprehend the essence of this war and its importance, and I've shown years of resilient support for this belief"

He began to pace and stopped in front of Lucius, "Why do you think we have excluded women in the past, Young Mister Malfoy?"

Lucius bowed his towhead before responding, shaking slightly I could disconcert from the corners of my eyes, "Because, my Lord, they are fickle, weak, emotionally driven, and more easily manipulated and physically swayed by men than a man would be. Women are a liability."

The Dark Lord nodded twice, a strong gesture of approval I could ascertain by the pride that hardened in Lucius' eyes, "Indeed, Lucius is correct, and so is Bellatrix. So, Both of these things are true, you confronted these problems like a man, but your weaknesses in these childhood battles has always been your femininity, emotion, impulsivity, physical disparity. So what does this test prove, the test of destroying the last dirty remains fo the Prewett family?"

He paused and turned sharply, facing Roddy, "Lestrange, what will her success in this mission truly mean?"

"That she can use her weakness as her strength, my Lord," He said slowly, "That she can manipulate them, disarm their hearts. It will prove she can swoon like a woman but will fight like a man"

The room was suddenly a tundra as others nodded and the assent of agreement and smirks spread across faces and lips. I knelt, rooted to my stone floor and to my destiny.

"Does this make sense you to, my child?" He picked up my chin once more, sending butterflies and hypothermia straight through my pure-blooded veins like venom.

"It does, My Lord," I whispered, at a loss for frustration and numb from realization.

"You didn't think becoming my first female would be an easy task?" He laughed without amusement, and the room chorused along brutally, infiltrating my ears, "You think it was only the laziness of other women that kept them from joining these sacred ranks? You think you were just more ambitious than countless other females, wives of male Death Eaters, their sisters, my self-pronounced lovers, you think they were all merely lazy and you have shown devotion and that I will rethink the entire philosophy on why women are not warriors?"

The room rang with vicious laughter.

"You have your chance, Miss. Bellatrix Black," He said, dismissively now, dropping my chin that seemed to fall back towards my chest like dead weight.

"As for Dolohov, lestrange and the male Carrow… I'd like to induct you all this evening… Bellatrix, would you mind moving back with the other members of the Daeth Eater Youth while I create a new wave of adult Death Eaters?"

His eyes were so cruel.

"Of course, my Lord"

I crawled back to the others under 17 and watched with vividly pained eyes how Amycus Carrow, Antonin Dolohov and Rodophlus Lestrange became true Death Eaters. The ceremony seemed to take decades. They swore their allegiance, unbreakable vows, potions, and fire whiskey drank, and the dark mark imbued on their pure skin, the ink flowing through their pores into their pure blood, invigorating their veins and hearts while I watched and died a bit, loosng myself to my own inadequacy. I was lost in my own tragedy while my Roddy sololmely became and adult, a warrior before my eyes, and I was forced to watch seated as a student, a child, behind his figure impressive against the fire and before the handsomely cold Dark Lord. He vanished after the ceremonies, without farewells or even a glance. I felt so very small.

All was calm when we exited the Victorian Malfoy manor, summer had embraced the vibrant hue of the flowers that outlined his home with gentle streams of light and beauty. We walked in silence across morning's light and the cobblestone paths towards the end of the Malfoy's decorative walkway without a word, butterflies and songbirds flying past as though we were forced into the quaint setting of a fairytale.

"Lucius," I said finally, as we had reached the end of the path, "Care to take me home? I don't fancy returning to your home for the floo or summoning a broom,"

"You can't apparate yet?" Dolohov asked, a smirk on his acne clawed face, "Really? That's why women-"

"Shut it," Roddy said harshy, "She's been of age for about a week now.."

"You can do it, why isn't she asking you?" Severus taunted a little coldly from behind Dolohov who had agreed to assist Severus in his appariation home.

"I brought her here, I also agreed to escort her home," Lucius interjectedly coldly, "get off my grounds, you vermin, the meeting is dismissed"

Without another painful look at the man I love, and hated for jealousy and a strange sense of betrayal writhed inside of me, I clutched the arm of Lucius Malfoy and found myself trembling in my bedroom, half in tears.

"Bella…"

"I'm not weak!" I insisted, sniffing back poison tears, "I am not bloody weak!"

Lucius put his arm around my shoulder, guiding me towards ,my bed and whispered, "He is like that, he is cruel but he is perfect. He put me through hell since my failure to dispose of Sirius, I've been missing in action because I've been being totured, sent on errand boy duties, and humiliated-"

"Doesn't he know we love him?" I glared angrily at Lucius as though this was a lack of communication somehow, that rested on his thick set quiddich toned shoulders.

"Yes, that's why he makes us stronger, makes us grow, you have an incredible opperunity-"

"Do you think I can do it, Lucius?" I bit my lips in anxiety, feeling, for the first time, like the little girl the Dark Lord viewed me as.

"I know you can," He kissed my ckeek, I kissed his lips, we embraced for a moment and mutually broke apart.

"I read your wedding announcement in the prophet, my Bella," He whispered in a tone I could not quite distinguish, "I offer you my congradulations"

And with that, he apparated into the night, and I was left alone with my weakness and my sorrow and my crumbled up wedding announcement.

Happy Birthday to Bella.

"_**This is heaven, it's what I truly want**_

_**Is innocence lost**_

_**Innocence lost…"**_

Love always,

Bella

Author's Notes:

Okay, let me know what you all think and if you all keep reading, I promise the writing will continue!


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